When you experience Rejection Sensitivity, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming and mammoth inside you and it’s crushing – even crippling!
When this event occurs, even if it is a small non-event to most, it feels enormous and can literally is paralyze you. This overwhelming physical sensation feels unbearable and on a scale of 1 to 10 – it is 10+! What matters here is how it makes you feel; not the actual situation.
Our brains are ancient, so when they perceives a threat, our body and brain go into fight, flight or freeze modes. The situation feels so intense because your brain is in “survival” mode and a deeply, automatic programmed neurological alarm is going off to warn you to get away as if a saber tooth tiger is literally coming to eat you…
…and you go into fight, flight or freeze. This reaction – this rejection sensitivity – can be past trauma or anticipation, but regardless, this fear causes a defensive cascade in the brain.
Future planning is the key to strategizing ways of softening or eliminating these reactions. To help avoid these intense reaction and calm your brain and body in the moment, I have invented the Intensity Meter so you can figure out How Intense Does It Feel? How intense this reaction feels in your body indicates which strategy you need to use in order to restore oxygen and blood back to the deeper regions of the brain and calm your body.
3 Steps to Managing the Negative Impact of Rejection Sensitivity:
Step One: Figure out how typical intense triggers and events feel in your body.
Step Two: Now that you know how intense these emotions feel, you can begin to pick strategies ahead of time to use when your reaction has reached a 7, 8, 9 or 10 in order to stop that runaway cycle, and help regain control so it returns to the wise-thinking brain. This calming is like an engine of a car that is overheated and revved up. Physical strategies cue your body that “you got this”, and there is no threat and it can stop the alarm system.
There are 4 R’s to help you manage these intense reactions:
(please send an email to me if you would like to download this tool)
Step Three: Develop everyday strategies to keep your thinking brain in charge and fend off the runaway reaction cycle. The more you intervene with a strategy when your reaction starts, the more you can avoid your body going into fight, flight or freeze.
Social Skills Deeper Dive
More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the Store
Watch the Youtube Episode: How To Deal With Rejection Sensitivity
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