Why Some People Lose Their Cool When They’re Angry — And How To Make It Stop

What’s the difference between people who lose their cool when they’re triggered and angry, and those who are able to feel their emotions and manage them? Emotional regulation.

Some people seem to be naturally good at managing their emotions in a healthy way, while others may be more inclined to lash out — even when it means hurting someone they care about.

They often yell at their partner or kids, type something they later wish they hadn’t sent, and tell off strangers for slights that likely would’ve been better ignored.

If this is you, it probably feels like you have been emotionally hijacked. But it’s not a curse or a permanent trait. 

Most people, if triggered enough, act in an embarrassing way. It takes less than a second to commit an impulsive act that might have lifetime repercussions.

That’s why it’s so important to cultivate an ability to regulate emotions, even if you (or someone you love) tend to have a hot temper. 

What is emotional regulation?

Emotional regular is, essentially, self-management. Self-management is defined as, “The ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively in different situations.” It’s synonymous with self-regulation.

Examples of self-regulation skills include managing stress and controlling impulses. 

It means being able to manage triggers without inappropriate, spontaneous reactions.