What To Do When Your Shy Kid Seems Even More Withdrawn Than Usual

Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

“My daughter seems to be sad and anxious. She’s missing the bus on purpose, claiming to be ill, and even asking to be homeschooled. I think she may be pulling away from friends. But when I ask her, she says she’s fine. What do I do?”

Many parents may be hearing the same things from their children. And this is an unfortunate fallout from the last year.

Not everyone is excited to return to “normal.” Shy kids, especially, may have sunk further into their own bubbles.

But this isn’t just a problem for the 2020/2021 year, though it may feel even worse now. These are timeless challenges families face, but they can be handled with love and compassion. 

Whether your child is having issues with their friends or something else, entirely, you need to establish trust as well as clear and effective communication.

If your child is pulling away from friends, here are 5 steps to take to find out what’s really going on.

1. Stay in the conversation.

It’s easy to be rebuffed by your child and then give up. By surrendering the conversation, you’re leaving your child without critical guidance.

Start by finding a consistent time or a positive place to talk. Break up the routine. Spend time with your child one-on-one without siblings and give your child the space to hear that you care and that you’re worried.

The time together will help your child feel comfortable opening up to you.

2. Empathize with them.

Information is power. Often as parents, it’s difficult not to react to what your child says. You’ve probably launched right into blame, punishment, advice, and, the, “I told you so.”

No matter what your child says — they skipped school, avoided lunch, or broke the coffee table — let go of the desire to jump in and react.