Stop Taking Things So Personally
It’s hard not to take things personally. When someone shouts at you on the road, you feel the sting of their anger. When scrolling through social media, you see a picture of a friend out with your other friends—and wonder why you were not invited. When you write a friend or relative to get together, it’s hard not to interpret their lack of response as a rebuff.
Taking things personally weighs on you and drains your energy. Due to rejection sensitivity, adults with ADHD may feel bad about something that is not actually about them. Our brains are hard wired to focus on the negative (to protect us from danger), so we therefore tend to focus on the negative stories we tell ourselves.
Here are eight ways to stop taking things personally:
- What else could it be? Before you jump to conclusions about an actual or perceived slight, look, or oversight, consider instead, “What else could it be?” Evaluate the evidence to support this perception; could it be something else? Learn to walk in their shoes. Perhaps they forgot, did not see you, missed your message, or had a personal reason they were unable to share. Double check your reasoning by asking yourself questions such as: “What story am I telling myself?” “What evidence is there that this story is true?” “What else could it be?”
- Shift your self-talk. Negative self-talk can bombard you, encasing you in your own hurtful prison. It hurts performance and increases the tendency to enter fight, flight, or freeze mode. No matter what the root cause, you deserve to feel there is a path forward. People with ADHD often are sensitive, empathic, and thoughtful. You may expect the same in others. These traits may cause you to take on unnecessary burdens. When they disappoint, you feel it personally. Reframe your negative talk and practice self-compassion. Is your negative self-talk creating this negative picture? Instead, tell yourself that it is NOT about you. Unless and until someone tells you that it is your fault, don’t take it on. More than likely, the other person was busy and didn’t even consider the impact of their actions.