Q: “Am I Stuck In a One-Sided Friendship?”
“A red flag in a friendship is when there is no reciprocity or if they’re only interested in doing things on their terms.”
Q: “Of my friends, I’m always the one reaching out and planning events. How do I know if the others are just busy with their own lives, or if they’re trying to tell me that this friendship is not for them?”
It’s not uncommon for adults with ADHD to worry about oversharing, being overbearing, or misreading social signals. If this is you, begin by asking, Am I giving too much? Think about how your friends respond to determine if you have a one-sided friendship
Signs of Friendship
- If you are always the one who invites them, do they show up to whatever you’ve planned?
- Do they seem to want to spend time with you, and it’s just that they’re not great planners?
- Do they say things like, “Ugh, I’m so bad at planning”?
- When you are with them, do your friends stay present in the conversation and show an interest in you?
- Do they share their feelings about things with you?
- If you drop hints that you need something, do they offer to give it to you?
These are signs that someone really wants to be your friend.
Download: The ADHD Guide to Making Friends
One-Sided Friendship Signs and Solutions
A red flag in a friendship is when there is no reciprocity. Here’s how I would proceed:
During a conversation, I might mention a few things that I want to do, such as go to the movies.
Then I’d see if they bite, or if they’re only interested in doing things on their terms. If that’s the case, I’d start thinking about whether it’s time to pull back from that relationship.
It’s also a good idea to branch out to a few new friendships. A good way to do this is to join new groups and go to activities that offer opportunities to meet different people. This way, if you have an emerging friendship, and it’s just not working out, you have other irons in the fire. You shouldn’t feel forced to put up with a friend’s lack of interest or responsiveness, and this way, you won’t.
Watch: “The Secret to Making Friends: A People Skills Guide for Adults with ADHD”
One-Sided Friendships: Next Steps
- Free Resource: Become a Small-Talk Superstar
- Read: Do You Need a Friendship ‘Do-Over’?
- Read: Bad Texter? Worse Caller? 6 Ways to Rekindle Cold Friendships
Caroline Maguire, P.ED., ACCG, PCC, is the author of Why Will No One Play with Me?(#CommissionsEarned)
SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.