I Don’t Speak to You That Way. Please Show Me Some Respect!
A snarky, criticizing tone is one of the hardest things to tolerate. When it comes from a child, it is easy to see how parents can find it disconcerting. Children and teenagers with ADHD often can’t read the social nuances of body language, facial expressions, mood, or tone of voice. This challenge often results in off-putting comments or tones that can create unhealthy dynamics.
Healthy communication patterns in families can fall apart as exhaustion, COVID fatigue, and the stressors of life invade the sanctuary we call home. Bad habits of speaking sharply, insensitively, or curtly with our partners and children can spiral if not realized, addressed, and corrected quickly. As we head into a new year, now is the time to reflect on what you want to model.
Move from condescension, derision, and annoyance to cheerfulness and empathy with these five tips.
- Work on your own tone and promote more respectful banter in general as a family.
We all have times when our tone does not reflect our intentions. Chances are you have used that tone of voice. Model using a different tone, one that communicates respect. Start by asking the whole family, including yourself, to pay more attention to the words they use and the way you all speak to each other. This way the child who struggles the most with their tone is not singled out, and the whole family tries to be more considerate. Consider a reminder or code word that family members can use when the tone is used. Eventually, you will catch it before you will need to be told. Be sure to share with your children what this respectful tone “looks like,” and admit it when you struggle.