How To Help A Kid Who Is Being Ostracized
School is back in full swing and some kids are loving it; reconnecting and building new friendships while others are being shunned and ostracized.
I am getting many heartbreaking emails from parents who are feeling helpless as they watch from the sidelines as their child cowers from the pain of rejection. One parent shares how her third grader approached several groups to play, but wasn’t allowed to join. Another shares how her son approached a table and was told that he could not sit with them, yet later was asked for homework help.
If your child is coming to you and saying they are being left out — that is so much easier than the child who denies he has a problem.
Is ostracizing a form of bullying?
Short answer: Yes. Socially rejecting, excluding, and ostracizing others is a form of bullying called relational aggression and is seen more often as kids get into middle school. In fact, relational aggression is even common in the workplace.Â
What is relational aggression?
Relational aggression is an elusive form of bullying that others outside of the target may not notice. Parents, teachers, and others often do not notice this form of abuse and frequently the kids who are performing this type of manipulation are kids that you wouldn’t expect it from. Although this type of behavior is seen more often in girls, it is not limited to gender.
The vehicles for this type of aggression vary but often include cyberbullying, shaming, excluding, ostracizing, gossiping, spreading rumors, public humiliation, and exuding peer pressure.
Dealing with this kind of bullying can be very difficult for kids and their parents. Many, if not most of the victims, suffer in silence. And if they have a history of struggling to make friends and connections, it can be exacerbated.