3 Hurtful Things Parents Say When Their Kids Are Being Bullied
If you’re a parent, you want to know what to do about bullying.
School is back in-person (for many) and your child was placed — again — with “those” kids — the mean ones, the clique-y ones, the ones who dictate the terms of how the year will go.
Kids know who they are and so do parents.
We talk around it because we don’t really know how to help our kids stand up to bullies.
I work extensively with kids from across the social skills spectrum — kids who’ve been called bullies or bossy, kids who always seem to be victims, bystander kids who’ve learned to look the other way.
I know the kids who are rude and unthinking who, after years of being miserable, have learned to go on the offense, making some other kid miserable first. The victims feel trapped and helpless. So do other kids who witness hurtful behavior and remain silent.
There are 3 things parents say that hurt kids who are being bullied
1. “Kids will be kids” and “All kids can be mean.”
This overlooks the fact that the level of cruelty dealt out by some is markedly different and hurtful.
2. “We should wait and see…”
You’re waiting to talk to the teachers, the school, or the parent of a child who treats others this way, hoping time will resolve the problem.
3. “The kids need to work it out. What can a parent do anyway?”
All of these things are untrue. The idea that kids will just figure it out on their own — that they need to do so — has a long, miserable, and misguided history.
When you believe the story that there’s nothing you can do, you leave the children to bear the burden. They need your help.
Every child needs to believe that change is possible — and they need the social skills to do it.