Clients: young adults | adults
Hartsdale, NY **Content:** ## Mira Weinfeld - Made2Focus Performance, LLC  #### Client Specialties young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach Ms. Weinfeld is a licensed, ASHA certified speech-language pathologist and ADHD certified coach. Her professional experience spans 10+ years. It involves parent training, administrating assessments, and providing intervention, counseling, and coaching services for families and individuals with ADHD, ASD, executive function challenges, learning disabilities, language-based disorders, and social skills deficits. She has first-hand experience navigating the 504/IEP process. In 2018, she joined the Westchester-Putnam & Vicinity CHADD chapter as a board member. Additional affiliations/memberships include the ADHD Coaches Organization, the American Professional Society of ADHD and Related Disorders, the Attention Deficit Disorder Association, the International Positive Psychology Association, and NAMI. [Made2Focus Performance, LLC](http://made2focus.com) 98 Mercer Avenue Hartsdale, NY 10530 United States [ Email Mira ](mailto:mweinfeld@miramindx.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](https://www.miramindx.com/) Find more Play Better Coaches in my Online Directory.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Natalia van Rikxoort, MSW, ACC - Lotus Life Coaching Services](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/natalia-van-rikxoort-msw-acc-lotus-life-coaching-services/) **Published:** November 1, 2015 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults
Mission Viejo, CA **Content:** ## Natalia van Rikxoort, MSW, ACC - Lotus Life Coaching Services  #### Client Specialties children | teens | young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach Natalia van Rikxoort, MSW, ACC is an ICF-certified coach with specializations in ADHD, Play Better Methodology and family coaching. She is a graduate of the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) and holds a BA degree in psychology and social behavior as well as a master’s degree in social work with a specialization in children and families. Her individualized approach includes psychoeducation, symptom management, skill development, and personalized strategies for adults, youth, and families impacted by ADD/ADHD and executive function challenges. [Lotus Life Coaching Services](https://www.lotuslifecoachingservices.com) 27281 Las Ramblas, Suite 200 Mission Viejo, CA 92691 [ Email Natalia ](mailto:natalia@lotuslifecoachingservices.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](https://www.lotuslifecoachingservices.com) Find more Play Better Coaches in my Online Directory.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Children, Clients: Teens, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [How Tweens Can Trigger Mom’s ADHD Symptoms — and How to Keep Your Cool](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-23-how-tweens-can-trigger-moms-adhd-symptoms-and-how-to-keep-your-cool/) **Published:** September 6, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** How many times have you been out to a restaurant for a family dinner when your tween wouldn’t put down the phone? [Texting](https://www.additudemag.com/practice-safe-txts/), playing games, checking to see who’s posted on Instagram — it never ends. Or maybe you’re at home and have cleaned the kitchen. You asked your child a couple of times to take out the trash and you get that look that says, “I don’t remember you asking me to do that.” You almost lose it. [Moms with ADHD](https://www.additudemag.com/when-moms-have-adhd-too/) have to manage their own symptoms as they try to manage their child’s behavior. Preteens and teenagers are adept at inciting our emotions and drawing us into arguments. Managing multiple schedules and disciplining children are especially taxing for moms. [Being consistent](https://www.additudemag.com/parenting-moms-with-adhd-advice-help/) is hard, but it’s harder for moms who overreact to everyday discipline issues. Use these tips to set yourself up for success: **Be aware of your triggers.** If you often lose control, look at the triggers that set you off. A trigger is an emotional reaction to something, maybe a particular situation or circumstance, that knocks you off balance. Are you hungry, tired, or did you have a long day? Are you taking on too many activities? Do you feel pressure about something? Is there a particular topic you discuss with your child that seems to provoke a reaction? Try the following strategies to keep you focused on parenting, not on your emotions: - Download positive mindset apps, such as [SAM](http://sam-app.org.uk/): Self-Help for Anxiety Management. - Breathe in and out eight times, or set the timer on your phone and breathe until you feel calmer. - Say something to yourself that helps you regulate your anger, such as “This too shall pass.” - Take care of underlying needs, like [hunger](https://helloglow.co/best-snacks-for-stress-eaters/) or stress. **Set up household policies** that can help you and your spouse manage when your ADHD challenges make discipline hard. Policies should be posted for all family members to see. They might include: “There will be no more than one sleepover each week” or “Phones are parked in the kitchen and do not come out during dinner.” Each family will find a system that works best for them, but keep it simple and easy to manage: - Review Love and Logic ([loveandlogic.com](https://www.loveandlogic.com/)), a program to improve discipline and parenting. - Identify situations that affect your ability to manage. Prioritize the top three and post them in a spot where you can see them several times a day. Place a second copy in your wallet, so you can remind yourself regularly. **Focus on consistency in one area only.** Don’t expect to be consistent with everything at once. Start with the way you approach a specific behavior you want to improve in your child — maybe your daughter is sassy or your son refuses to go to bed on time. Pick one behavior and work on it until it improves. **Collaborate with your child.** This is not being permissive, but acknowledging that you have a problem with your child and are willing to work on a solution together. When you get your child’s perspective, you can often eliminate the stalemates that cause you to lose your temper. **Get support.** Find your resources — a trusted girlfriend, [a therapist](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us?tr=Hdr_Brand), or a coach. Look for someone who listens and understands. **Prepare a response.** Children with ADHD are champion negotiators — wearing you down, nagging, asking for privileges, treats, or answers. Have a prepared response ready for this kind of nagging. Discuss nagging with your child and listen to his response. Have this conversation when things are calmer, not in the heat of the moment. By doing this, you let the child know that you are not going to give him what he wants when he is in this state. At any time, you can let him know that you are going to pause and take a break. To minimize the back-and-forth banter: - Give your tween a cue, such as, “When I say thanks for the information, we need to take a break from the discussion.” - Suggest a replacement activity for your tween to get her off the topic she’s focused on. **Determine the seriousness of the worry.** Sometimes we over-react to our child’s behavior based on societal pressures. Check in with yourself. Is this such a big deal? Why am I so worried? Could I be overreacting because of my symptoms? - Write down your worry. Ask yourself, “What is the size of my worry, and why this is such a big deal?” - Visit Social Thinking ([socialthinking.com](https://www.socialthinking.com/)). It has a tool called the “Size of My Problem Poster.” It features a problem “thermometer” to help you see the “size” of your problem. It is a good tool for you and your tween. This article was originally published at [ADDITUDE](https://www.additudemag.com/being-a-mom-with-adhd-teen-discipline-challenges/). Reprinted with permission from the author.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADDITUDE MAGAZINE --- ### [Heidi Smith - Anchored Attention LLC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/heidi-smith-anchored-attention-llc/) **Published:** February 9, 2017 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults
Poolesville, MD **Content:** ## Heidi Smith - Anchored Attention LLC  #### Client Specialties children | teens | young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach Hello! My name is Heidi Smith and I am an ADHD/Executive Function Family Coach with a background in Pastoral Counseling, specifically Marriage and Family. I work with children of all ages, adults, parents, and couples, recognizing that if one person has ADHD, everyone is affected in some way. I came into ADHD Coaching because I needed to find a way to help the people I love most, and from there, I decided to make this my life’s work. My goal is to help families understand the facets of ADHD, recognize strengths, build self-confidence, and restore hope. [Anchored Attention LLC](http://anchoredattention.com) Montgomery County Poolesville, MD 20837 [ Email Heidi ](mailto:AnchoredAttention@gmail.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](http://www.anchoredattention.com) Find more Play Better Coaches in my Online Directory.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Children, Clients: Teens, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Dana Maher - Dana Maher Coaching LLC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/dana-maher-dana-maher-coaching-llc/) **Published:** July 3, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Clients: young adults | adults
Clark, NJ **Content:** ## Dana Maher - Dana Maher Coaching LLC  #### Client Specialties young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified Dana is the owner of Dana Maher Coaching LLC, providing personal coaching services, with expertise in ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome, Autism Spectrum Disorders and Play Better methodology. Since 2011, clients have realized their brilliance and achieved their goals working with Dana. Informed by neuroscience, Dana partners with her clients to understand their unique brain wiring, uncover and use their strengths to overcome barriers to be more successful personally and professionally. Dana is also the founder of Sapphire Bridge, which provides executive coaching, consulting, and training services, Sapphire Bridge focuses on successfully navigating corporate and higher education environments, with special expertise in STEM fields and industries to build communication, connection, and productivity. [Dana Maher Coaching LLC](http://danamahercoaching.com) 100 Walnut Avenue – Suite 210 Clark, NJ 07066 United States [ Email Dana ](mailto:dmaher@danamahercoaching.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](http://danamahercoaching.com) Find more Play Better Coaches in my Online Directory.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, ICF Certified --- ### [The Giant Paddington Bear](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-the-giant-paddington-bear/) **Published:** September 12, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** My first real coaching experience was at age 13 with my cousin Aiden (not his real name). I was his nanny that summer. Aiden was 5 years old. His parents taught at a prestigious boarding school every day during the summer, and I was tasked with being his guardian. Despite my age, I felt like his protector rather than his playmate. I shepherded Aiden all over Surrey, England. Aiden was bright, intuitive, and the largest 5-year-old on record. Because of his size and his hyperactivity, he created a kind of tilt-a-whirl effect wherever he went. When he bumped a shelf at a small shop, it would cause seismic shifts. When he completed an energetic canon ball into a pool, it created havoc with other swimmers. And when he played a little too enthusiastically, it upset other children. I wanted Aiden to be successful and not to be constantly in trouble. He was fun and had a great sense of humor. But when he played, his [impulsive behavior](https://www.additudemag.com/keeping-kids-accountable/) often got in the way. In addition, Aiden could not really control his body in the post office or in line at the bank. He needed to move at all times, and the compulsion presented a problem in certain settings.  When we visited London, Aiden saw a giant Paddington bear. And somehow I knew he would do anything for that bear. So I created my first reward program. I made a chart on poster board and placed it above his bed in the palatial Victorian mansion that housed the school. In order to win the bear, Aiden had to engage in specific behaviors for a set amount of time. We talked through these desired behaviors and rehearsed them. I even developed cues to remind him of his goals while we were out. Aiden quickly began to flourish. He was eager for the check marks on the chart, willing to listen, and motivated to do better each time we went out. We discussed his progress daily while eating peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches and fantasizing about the giant Paddington bear in London. By the end of the summer, Aiden had earned that bear, and I had learned my first important coaching lesson: [reward programs can change behavior](https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/reward-systems-for-kids-with-adhd-unlock-better-behavior/). I am happy to report that Aiden is now a flourishing and successful young man.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [Your Child Isn’t Defiant — His Skills Are Lagging](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-5-31-your-child-isnt-defiant-his-skills-are-lagging/) **Published:** September 20, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You wouldn’t expect a child to hit a baseball before learning how to swing the bat. Many children who struggle with behavioral challenges don’t have the skills they need to do what’s expected of them, and unfortunately, ADHD behaviors can lead to harsh — and mistaken — assumptions. There is the child who barges into a room, disrupting the conversation, or the one who laughs at a joke after everyone else has moved on in the conversation. These children may appear [rude](https://www.additudemag.com/why-is-your-child-so-rude/) or awkward, but not all we see is what it seems. ### How ADHD’s Executive Dysfunctions Impact Behavior Certainly there are times when a child seems stubborn or selfish, but neuroscience suggests that it is a lack of skills, specifically the brain-based “executive function” skills, that hold him back — not willfulness or laziness. [Executive function](https://www.additudemag.com/executive-functions-video/) is the brain’s hub of skills — memory, organization, planning, self-regulation, and the ability to modify our behavior in response to others. When these skills lag, advice about pushing through does not apply. Blaming and shaming only make matters worse. This is especially significant for children with ADHD, due to their complex differences in the brain’s pathways and processes for attention and behavior. The conversation about ADHD and executive function skills most often focuses on [academic skills](https://www.additudemag.com/academic-skills-use-em-or-lose-em/). What’s missing, however, is recognition of how executive function affects social behavior. Social challenges are often traced back to underlying ADHD. Read on to learn how — and then, the next time your child’s behavior frustrates or baffles you, remind yourself: “If he could, he would.” ### Kids Want to Please Their Parents Generally speaking, children do not want to fail at being a kid or to disappoint their parents. Every child wants to succeed; every child wants to grow up to become a capable human being. The idea of “would if he could” is a lens through which you look at your child and reset your understanding of him. Once your child begins to develop executive function skills — whether by getting homework done or managing big emotions — his success will motivate him to want more. *\[*[*Self-Test: Does Your Child Have an Executive Function Deficit?*](https://www.additudemag.com/screener-executive-function-deficit-symptoms-test-children/?src=embed_link)*\]* Set aside discouraging assumptions about your child’s behavior and replace them with If he could, he would. A child needs continued support to navigate the academic learning curve and the social learning curve at the same time. Here are some steps to turn this approach into action: 1. **Believe that your child has the capacity to learn,** and that he has good intentions — because it’s true! 2. **Go for responses that encourage, illuminate, and engage.**Recognize the qualities of character and effort that your child shows: when he shows empathy for someone, takes pride in something he does, or rebounds from a failure. Use comments that begin with “I noticed…” or “You showed…” to highlight the positive. 3. **Identify sources of stress and distraction for your child,** and find specific ways to minimize them. Stress in one area leads to stress in other areas. 4. **Talk with your child about what he thinks is going on.** Show curiosity and respect him as the expert on his own feelings and perspective. By doing so, you give him a chance to practice connecting internal feelings to outward behavior. That’s the executive function skill he needs to change behaviors that aren’t working for him. It’s easy for a child to lose heart in the struggle to learn and grow. Show confidence in the qualities she brings to her challenges. The truth is that everyone is working on something. *\[*[*8 Confidence Builders for Kids with ADHD*](https://www.additudemag.com/boost-confidence-adhd-children-self-esteem/?src=embed_link)*\]* ### ADHD Success Story: Matt Overcomes School Hurdles Matt, who is six, was barely through mid-autumn in his first-grade class when he started to not want to go to school. He had meltdowns when it was time to get in the car, or on the way. He hated school and his mother could understand why. He spent most of the day either making trouble in class or being reprimanded for it. We talked with Matt about what was so hard about the school day, and we identified some of the problems: Matt had reading problems that needed to be addressed with one-on-one tutoring. Stress of any kind overwhelmed him, whether related to reading, communicating about a difficulty, social anxiety, or upsetting interactions with his parents and teachers. Matt needed help with his communication and self-regulation skills. When Matt’s challenges were acknowledged, his parents got the help he needed to address them. Matt began to develop skills, and his behavior improved. Matt wanted to do well in school, and once he had what had been missing, he could. *\[*[*Free Handout: A Parent’s Guide to Ending Confrontations and Defiance*](https://www.additudemag.com/download/adhd-and-defiance-rules-for-parents/?src=embed_link)*\]* This article was [originally published in ATTITUDE](_wp_link_placeholder). Reprinted with permission from the author.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADDITUDE MAGAZINE --- ### [What if my child won’t even discuss getting help for social skills?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/what-if-my-child-wont-even-discuss-getting-help-for-social-skills/) **Published:** September 25, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** When children are resistant it often means that the activity is hard for her. To help your child be more comfortable, you will likely have many conversations with her. We often talk about “paving the way” for a conversation that we anticipate will be sensitive or difficult. **Content:** # What if my child won’t even discuss getting help for social skills? / [Ask Coach Caroline](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/ask-coach-caroline/)  \[vc\_row bg\_type=”image” parallax\_style=”vcpb-default” bg\_image\_new=”id^42|url^https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/header-img.jpg|caption^null|alt^null|title^bernard-hermant-bbuTpY447gA-unsplash|description^null” bg\_image\_repeat=”no-repeat”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_empty\_space height=”300px”\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\]\[vc\_row el\_class=”narrow”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_custom\_heading source=”post\_title” font\_container=”tag:h1|font\_size:42px|text\_align:left|color:%23bfb3a4|line\_height:52px” use\_theme\_fonts=”yes”\]\[vc\_empty\_space\]\[vc\_column\_text\]When children are resistant it often means that the activity is hard for her. To help your child be more comfortable, you will likely have many conversations with her. We often talk about “paving the way” for a conversation that we anticipate will be sensitive or difficult. But even before we pave the way, we prep the ground. Lay the groundwork for problem solving and changing habits of behavior by modeling for your child that it’s okay to need help and ask for it. Begin by pointing out in front of your child moments when you or others need to tackle something that’s not in your comfort zone or you need to ask for help. When you call to schedule a home or car repair, make point of telling your child that you’re doing it, and why: “This is more than I know how to fix so it’s time for me to ask for help, and call a plumber.” Share stories from work and elsewhere about how people do what they can for themselves, but sometimes they need to ask for help—it’s normal! Let your child know what a go-to person is and that you would love to be her “go-to” person for social situations and friends and all things.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[vc\_row\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[vc\_column\_text\] ## Ask Coach Caroline If you have a question you would like Coach Caroline to answer on her site, please submit it using the form below.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[gravityform id=”1″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”false”\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[/vc\_row\_inner\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] [← Previous Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-5-31-your-child-isnt-defiant-his-skills-are-lagging/ "Your Child Isn’t Defiant — His Skills Are Lagging") [Next Post →](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-madame-ruggles/ "Madame Ruggles") ## Related Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) ### [Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) / May 1, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) ### [Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / March 11, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ### [Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / February 28, 2026 **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [Madame Ruggles](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-madame-ruggles/) **Published:** September 25, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Kids will have so many different teachers throughout their young academic years – all with different teaching styles, different ways they relate to each child, some in their first years of teaching, some growing close to retirement, some good, and some bad. But we’ve all heard the stories about the one teacher that made a difference, and they may not have even known it. **Content:** Kids will have so many different teachers throughout their young academic years – all with different teaching styles, different ways they relate to each child, some in their first years of teaching, some growing close to retirement, some good, and some bad. But we’ve all heard the stories about the one teacher that made a difference, and they may not have even known it. If you have a kid with learning differences, the teacher can really matter. They can single-handedly change how a kid feels about school. They can give your unique learner a chance to believe in themselves, which will help them build confidence and the drive to keep trying. It’s really just having someone in their court, so to speak, that’s willing to push through the tough times to prove there are brighter days ahead. Keep in mind, there are years when the teacher may not be a good fit or even may be a disaster. I remember those years too. I remember the teachers who did not get me, but it was the few who did who made all the difference. Here’s a bird-eye view of my journey as I look back. In the fall of my senior year of high school, I was in French 5. Let me tell you, it was not pretty. As a [dyslexic](https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/dyslexia.html), I could never remember to put accents in the right place and my spelling was – well pretty bad. This was the 1990’s, and I was told that despite my good grades that if I opted out of foreign languages, I would not get into the college of my choice. How could one French class keep me from my dream school? I thought I was doomed. I may not have been a great speller, but by the time I got to high school, I had learned not to give up! I went to my teacher, Madame Ruggles, and told her – I had to get a B – according to my college counselor. Without batting an eye, Madame Ruggles began to meet with me every day during school. She knew I was trying so hard, but my results did not turn out the way I had hoped. I still have dreams that I fail every test and do not get that B because it was such an uphill battle.  I had this sense that she was pulling for me. Madame, like so many language teachers, insisted we speak “en Français”. That was all right with me because it was the writing that I found so difficult. So over time, I was able to show what I knew by speaking the answers as opposed to writing them. It was a struggle, but I got my B – and then promptly dropped French in college. I struggled partly to be like everyone else. I think Madame knew I was in fact not like everyone else. And she seemed to convey in a few words that this too would pass and that in life I would be able to use my talents not my weaknesses. I recently found out that Madame Ruggles passed away. After retirements, she had moved to my town. So all this time, if I had only known, I could have gone to visit her. If I had, I would have said, “Madame, merci”. Parents are often frustrated by many of the [negative academic experiences](https://www.additudemag.com/stay-in-touch-with-teachers-and-keep-ahead-of-trouble/) their child has, and I completely understand. But remember, it is the few teachers who really believe in us – who help the unique learner like me reach our destination, and those are the one that will be remembered forever.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adolescence **Tags:** academic success, emotions, learning differences, teaching --- ### [My Child is Avoiding Everything This Year](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-daughter-is-avoiding-everything-this-year/) **Published:** October 2, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** My daughter is avoiding everything this year. She seems to be sad, she is missing the bus on purpose and asking to be home schooled. I think this has to do with friends. But when I ask her she says she is fine. What do I do? **Content:** Q: My daughter is avoiding everything this year. She seems to be sad, she is missing the bus on purpose and asking to be homeschooled. I think this has to do with friends. But when I ask her she says she is fine. What do I do? A: I recommend the following tips when you are able to have a calm, open conversation. This will allow your child to know that in the future, he can count on you as a partner rather than a judge. - ### Don’t Surrender the Conversation It’s easy to be rebuffed by your child and then give up. By surrendering the conversation, you are leaving your child without critical guidance. Start by finding a consistent time or a positive place to talk. Break up the routine. Spend time with your child one- on- one without siblings, and give your child the space to hear that you care and that you are worried. The time together will help your child feel comfortable opening up to you. - ### No Matter What They Say Empathize Information is power. Often as parents, it is difficult not to react to what your child says. We’ve all launched right into blame, punishment, advice and, then the, “I told you so.” No matter what your child says — he skipped school, is avoiding lunch, or he broke the coffee table — let go of the desire to jump in and react. Take a moment to breathe, and then, listen. The larger goal is to gain your child’s trust and is more important than any minor rule infraction. Taking a moment to step back will help your child know that he can always feel comfortable coming to you. - ### Reflect, Clarify and be Curious Paraphrasing what your child says and then repeating it back to him, shows empathy and helps you clarify your child’s concerns. For example, he might declare that he believes that, “people should invite me to play—I shouldn’t have to approach them.” “Reflect” this statement back to him — “What I hear you are saying is that you won’t approach anyone; they must come to you.” By summarizing and repeating his statements, you allow your child to clarify, share more information, and to tell his interpretation of the statement. By being curious and trying to understand his perspective you invite him to be comfortable opening up to you. - ### Don’t Impose Your Goals on the Situation Ask your child questions and listen. Do not assume you know the reasons for your child’s behavior. Do not apply pressure and impose your own goals and agenda on the situation. Getting your child to feel comfortable talking to you is about hearing and waiting and showing confidence that your child has the capacity to learn and grow. - ### Partner and Problem Solve with your Child Like any of us, children share more when they feel heard and understood. They can put their guard down, engage more readily in the coaching process, commit to developing their social skills, and invest in their success. When you allow for more of a two-way conversation, your child will be more comfortable opening up. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [Birthday Parties, the Cafeteria, and Other Social Obstacles](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/birthday-parties-the-cafeteria-and-other-social-obstacles/) **Published:** October 4, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Your middle-schooler is skipping lunch to avoid the cafeteria. Should you address it head-on, giving her advice that she probably won’t listen to, or demand that she go to lunch? It is hard to know. The cafeteria is where everyone comes together to socialize and hang out. For a child with ADHD, lunch can be very challenging. Social struggles are not restricted to school. Children have the same deficits at home, at stores, on the ball field, and in every life setting. Many kids want to improve their friendship skills, but don’t know how. That’s where you come in. Working with your child to meet social challenges leads to behaviors that your child can use everywhere. The following strategies will [help your child make friends](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/924.html) – and move through the socially difficult years of adolescence more easily. ## How do I help my son stop avoiding the school cafeteria? Children avoid the cafeteria because they are [bullied](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1595.html), but also because they don’t know how to interact with peers, join a conversation, or even where to sit. **> Debrief your child.** Without telling your child he is doing anything wrong, ask open-ended questions to find out what he thinks is happening. Ask about whom he sits with, when he feels uncomfortable, or if there are friends he would like to sit with. **> Practice skills.** Nothing is tougher for kids than joining a conversation that is in progress. Suggest a little detective work. Ask your child to go to lunch, listen to what everyone talks about, and report back. You and he can role-play conversations that build on the topics the group talks about most often. **> Get outside help.** Avoidance is not a plan, so if your child can’t [navigate social situations](https://www.additudemag.com/developing-social-skills/), have her work with a professional social skills group. ### How can I help my child when she isn’t invited to class parties? If a child isn’t invited to birthday parties, concerts, or other peer activities, it is time to team up and find out what might be causing the problem. **> Discuss things, without blame, to help your child diagnose why she isn’t fitting in.** Walk her through her day at school and ask her to recount one or two of the social interactions she had – what she said to a classmate, how that child reacted – and discuss what she thinks she could have done differently. **> Talk about different types of friendship.** Many children with social challenges try to make friends with kids who do not share their interests, or they misinterpret social cues and think any friendly person wants to be friends. Help your child understand different kinds of “friendships”. There are acquaintances, people you interact with, and real friends. Brainstorm with her about ways to befriend children with whom she shares interests and who treat her well. **> Find ways to meet others with similar interests – social clubs, youth groups, and other interest-based activities.** These places give your child a chance to socialize by talking about things the kids like in common. ## How can I make group projects less intimidating for my daughter? Group projects are tough for her because she has to contribute, advocate for her ideas, participate in the discussion, and present a final project. The following case study shows how to make group projects less challenging for your child. Ali is 12 years old, and she hates group projects. She and her mom write the teacher asking for advice about what she can do better in the next group project. The teacher says Ali should speak up more and identify a role she would like to take on in the project. Ali’s mom understands the unspoken social dynamics in play – children meet in large groups, and assumptions are made about Ali and what she might be able to do on the project. Ali is left out of the decision-making because she doesn’t speak up. Ali and her mom discuss the personalities within the group, their likes and dislikes, and so on. Ali puts together a social database about her partners in the group project, so she can talk more comfortably with her peers. To get around social obstacles, Ali does better when she has a plan. She and her mom look at the project rubric and discuss which components seem interesting and manageable to Ali, and decide what Ali would like to take on. They rehearse possible scenarios. Role-playing, and learning how to ask open-ended questions, helps Ali build the confidence to speak up during the group’s discussions. With all the prep at home, Ali slowly overcomes her social struggles and plays an important part in the group. And she has a plan she can use for the next group project. ## My son has lots of virtual friends, but how do I encourage him to develop friends he can talk with one-on-one? Connecting to other people, adapting to their needs, and engaging in the give-and-take of friendship are important skills all kids need to learn. **> Let him have virtual friends.** Facebook friends and Twitter buddies may be your son’s [only friends right now](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-teenage-social-anxiety/), and you don’t want him to lose them. **> Talk to him about why he needs other friends.** Ask your child what he likes about the virtual world. Find another activity that he may like – a course in robotics or computer coding – in which he will interact with people. **> Work on social strategies.** Whether it’s engaging in chitchat, turning an acquaintance into a friend, or arranging to see people outside of school, it is essential that your son knows how to approach people. With consistent practice, he will get what you and every child wants: good friends. This article was originally published at [ADDITUDE](https://www.additudemag.com/help-child-make-friends-in-middle-school/). Reprinted with permission from the author.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADDITUDE MAGAZINE --- ### [My teenage son disappears into the basement and never engages with us.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-teenage-son-disappears-into-the-basement-and-never-engages-with-us/) **Published:** October 9, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** My teenage son just disappears into the basement and he never engages with us. He plays video games all the time. When I try to talk about it he says he has virtual friends. He has never had good social skills. What do I do? **Content:** **My teenage son just disappears to play video games in the basement and he never engages with us. When I try to talk about it he says he has virtual friends. He has never had good social skills. What do I do?** First, to set the scene, you have to create an opportunity to talk. It sounds like there is a larger conversation about how much time he spends in the basement. Think about talking to him about what he likes about virtual friends and what he likes about video games. Meet him where he is, and ask him to come up and spend more time in the house with you. Pick a time and place most comfortable for your child to have this initial discussion. Kids tend to be more receptive to conversation when they’re physically comfortable, unhurried and undistracted. ## How to Set the Scene for a Conversation: - Approach your child when he is in a pretty good mood. Not on the heels of a blow-up or meltdown. Talk to your child privately, without other siblings around. - Pick a quiet place—no phones or screens to distract you. - Try to be as direct as possible. Some children respond better when you tell them that you want to talk with them about something. As you start to have the conversation, you can say: - “I have something I’d like to talk with you about.” - “I have noticed you spend a lot of time on video games.” Then ask questions and have a conversation. Don’t judge the games and don’t assume the virtual world is bad because then you will alienate him. Don’t demand he give it up. Research shows that when kids have outside text communication with virtual friends they bridge to real friendships. And your child is likely to shut down if you refuse virtual friends. So having a conversation and helping him open up about his social avoidance is so important. ## Use Open-Ended Questions By asking open-ended questions, you encourage your child to talk about his friendship situation fully and candidly. Open-ended questions use the words who, what, when, where, and how. Below are some conversation starters: - What do you like about video games? - What interests you? - What is the virtual world like? - What makes the virtual friendships appealing? - I have noticed that sometimes you have a hard time with (identify a behavior). What makes (name the behavior) hard for you? If your child resists, ask him, “What feels hard about this?” If he denies there is any friendship problem, you can say, “Well I have noticed…” and then name a specific series of situations. Ask him what feels uncomfortable or makes him afraid of making that change. Share with him the things that could happen if he were willing to work on his friendship skills and ask him what he would like to be different. You will share with him a picture of possibilities—what it could be like. Some key phrases that are helpful: - “I am curious” - “Tell me more about that.” - “What is that like for you? - “What does that feel like? When you are curious and really listen to your child’s feelings, you can never go wrong. ## Clarify Concerns and Express Empathy As your child is responding to your questions, be sure to clarify his concerns by being a reflective listener: Listen closely, repeat back what you understand your child to be saying, and ask if you understand correctly. You can say: Here’s what I hear you saying…is that right? If your child feels that his concerns are heard and validated, he will be more open to hearing what you have to say. Below are some tips on how to be a good reflective listener. - Repeat back your child’s statement without giving an opinion. By repeating his statement, your child also hears what he has said. - Confirm with your child that you captured his thoughts and feelings accurately. - Clarify your child’s thoughts and feelings by asking questions. - Accept and validate your child’s sentiments. - Express empathy: “I hear you,” “I get it,” “That must be hard.” - Use you and I statements, such as “You are overwhelmed” and “I am sad you are lonely.” ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [A Social Life Castle with Thick Walls](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-a-castle-with-walls-too-thick-to-penetrate/) **Published:** October 10, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** One of my clients this week told me that social life is like a castle. The walls are just too high and too thick to climb and you cannot get in unless someone lets the drawbridge down. ## Insurmountable Social World As a result, so many kids feel this way. They do not know what to do – so at lunch they head for the library or to the bathroom to bide their time and hide out. Maybe you were one of these kids and you can relate to the feeling that the social world is just an insurmountable tower of terror. Kids and teenagers often share with me that they cannot figure out *how* to change things. They are unsure how to climb the tower walls or even cajole people to let the drawbridge down. So they avoid social interactions all together. ## [Avoidance](https://www.additudemag.com/kids-emotions-at-school/) is a sign. Not a sign that the child does not care. Or a sign that he lacks motivation, is resistant, or is just uninterested in having friends, but a sign that he does not know how to break down the barriers so he can participate, or “join in”. Without a roadmap or help with his social plan, children and teenagers often shut down. So I ask parents to[ reframe](https://www.psycom.net/social-anxiety-how-to-help-kids) their thoughts about a child or teenager who avoids socialization. Hiding in one’s room playing video games is not always about a bad attitude. Sometimes children just do not know how to climb the walls of the castle and break in. If you are waiting to see if things will change without help, let me share with you that they will not. The child alone does not have the skills yet to navigate this kind of change. They do not know how to enter the lunchroom and connect with their peers, and sit down and join a group. Good news!! When children receive [guidance](https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/teach-adhd-child-how-to-make-friends/) and are provided with specific steps on how to navigate social situations to make friends, they build new skills and often become more interested in joining in.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Making Friends --- ### [My child is shy and refuses to play with new kids.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-child-is-shy-and-refuses-to-play-with-new-kids/) **Published:** October 16, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** My child won’t join anything and refuses to try to play with new kids- she is so shy and says it is too hard. But in life we have to approach other people. **Content:** ### **My child won’t join anything and refuses to try to play with new kids- she is so shy and says it is too hard. But in life we have to approach other people.** If your child is shy then these joining and playing with others are hard for her. The big question is, what makes this hard? What makes her avoid trying new things and joining in. Ask the questions, because sometimes it is about the child not knowing what to do or how to join in. So this is where you come in, you will make a pact with your child and agree to try something out of your comfort zone and to work on something hard for you and she will work on this. She can pick any activity and she just has to show up. A good conversation to have is to use this comfort zone tool. ## Comfort Zone: Cozy, Creative, Courageous We all know how it feels to tackle something outside our comfort zone. Try this concept with a child is struggling to keep an open mind, has trouble with change, claims there is no problem, or just shows less buy-in than you wish. ## Try the Comfort Zone, a low-stress way to engage 1. Explain what a “comfort zone” is and what it means to when something is “outside your comfort zone.” Use examples from your own daily life—things you do or have done that easily in your comfort zone, toward the edge of your comfort zone and clearly outside it. For example, I was nervous to learn to ski but I tried it, and it felt uncomfortable at first. You can prompt your child by asking questions about this idea of being uncomfortable and stretching to get beyond it. “Remember when you went to a new soccer team and felt like you wanted to stay with the old one?” Explain that in order to change and grow, we all must be willing to lean into discomfort and engage in the process. 2. On a piece of paper, have your child draw a large circle to represent his comfort zone. Leave a margin around the circle—that’s going to be the space for things outside his comfort zone. 3. Ask him to jot inside it things he does that are inside his comfort zone. These might include joining in with younger kids, staying out of the lunchroom, sitting only with one safe friend, things he loves like Legos, going to grandparent’s house, the after school program he prefers, eating favorite foods, playing with the same people or in the same place. 4. Then ask him to jot outside the circle some things that are outside his comfort zone. Let your child tell you what those are. 5. If your child hasn’t already named specific social expectations or situations, then turn to a few of those your child has been working on and ask, “Would \_\_\_\_\_ be inside your comfort zone or outside your comfort zone? ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [The White Noise Experience: An Answer to Getting Work Done](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/white-noise-experience-an-answer-to-getting-work-done/) **Published:** November 7, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** I could not work in the library. I could not work in my dorm room. Baffled by the dilemma, I bounced from space to space, trying to find a place I could focus. I wasted time and got frustrated. In high school, I had achieved all academic milestones in front of the television. I had worked night after night with the TV on, which was hardly an ideal strategy. I now know that too much TV can actually hinder information retention. Still, something about having that background noise helped me focus, and I couldn’t find a good substitute for that study aide in college. Flash forward a decade. At a conference I decided to multi-task and get some blog posts done during one of the lectures. I sat at the back of the room and wrote blog post after blog post. I was surprised by how easily the words flowed. Alone in my quiet office, I struggled to write even one paragraph. But in the back of a lecture hall, I was on fire! ## Body Double When I returned home from the conference, I took a moment to analyze why this environment increased my productivity. And I remembered that one of the greatest tools that helps ADHD folks increase their focus is to have a body double. A[ *body double*](https://add.org/the-body-double/) is someone who sits with ADHD students as they tackle tasks that may be difficult to complete on their own. For example, when I run on the treadmill, I run much faster when someone is running next to me because I don’t want the other gym member to think I’m lazy. That gym member acts as my body double. A body double serves as a motivator and reminder to[ help keep ADHD people on task and accountable](https://www.additudemag.com/getting-stuff-done-easier-with-a-friend-body-double/). While no one was watching me write those blog posts in the back of the lecture hall, the mere bodily presence of others and their noise had the same effect on me. Perhaps, being in the back of the lecture hall created a *noise body double*. ## *White Noise Experience* I had seen this phenomenon work for some of my other ADHD clients as well. White noise helped them focus when nothing else worked. When I was prepping to talk about this subject on Attention Talk Radio, my co-host, [Jeff Copper](https://digcoaching.com/), said, “Oh yeah. That works for me too. I call it the *white noise experience*.” Now, I use Copper’s term to describe this tool I have used with my kids consistently over the last decade. The *white noise experience* occurs when a person’s focus and productivity is increased by background noise. For some people, the hum of music, activity, hustle and bustle, or other background noise helps sustain their focus. Most of the students I work search for the right moment, the right place, and the right mood to get work done. Driven by distractability, they often struggle to work in study spaces in which they “should” be able to work, but they end up not being able to accomplish even basic tasks. When I suggest a [non-traditional study environment with plenty of white noise](https://www.additudemag.com/getting-things-done-with-adhd/?src=embed_link) to these students, they miraculously blossom. My client Alice was an English major, and she had difficulties getting her work done on time. By the time she came to see me, she had a month’s worth of work backlogged. She had tried all the traditional study tricks. One day, I suggested she sit in the back of a lecture hall in another department—such as calculus or chemistry—a subject that wouldn’t peak her interest. She ended up attending an engineering TA session. During one forty-five-minute session, she was able to finish two assignments, which was a huge productivity leap for her. After getting permission from the engineering department, Alice started attending TA sessions regularly, and her backlog of work quickly disappeared. ## Try Different Study Environments If you or your child has had similar struggles, consider using the white noise experience to help increase your focus. Try different study environments that can provide non-distracting background noise, such as coffee shops, school gyms during game time, or parks on nice days. If you find yourself too distracted in those places, try putting on some instrumental music, using a white noise machine, or plugging in a noisy fan in your bedroom or office. know that this advice may seem counterintuitive. Most people mistakenly assume that a student or professional with ADHD should work in a quiet space without any potential distractions so they can focus wholly and completely. However, time and time again, **clinical practice has shown that the ADHD brain can [actually function more efficiently](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-productivity-to-do-list-procrastination-help-adhd/?src=embed_link) with white noise present**. Because everyone is wired differently, this tool may not work for every person with ADHD, but I strongly urge you to test it out!Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD --- ### [ADHD, Dyslexia and The Little Red Table](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adhd-dyslexia-and-the-little-red-table/) **Published:** October 18, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** I am reading the Little House On The Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder to my daughter. I kept my old copies from childhood, the ones I read in fourth grade. I have kept these books for years because they were the first chapter books I read on my own. When I look at the tattered 1970’s-era covers with shockingly low prices, I remember what it felt like not to be able to read. I am [dyslexic](https://dyslexiaida.org/frequently-asked-questions-2/) and reading did not come easily for me. The words swam on the page. I could not understand the powder blue phonics book my cheerful teacher brought to me each afternoon. I could not seem to spell or remember how words came together. When I was asked to read aloud, I stumbled and felt like there was a spotlight on me. The creeping dread of making mistakes and being exposed filled up my face until I was red and flushed and aching. ## I dreaded reading time By the second grade, I had a problem: I was in the slowest reading group. Each reading group sat at a colored table. These primary colors were like banners announcing each student’s reading level. Blue was for the best readers. Yellow was for mid-level readers. And red was for the slowest readers. Even though the red table received extra attention and devotion from the teacher, I longed to move from the red group to the blue one. To me, the blue table represented a great frontier to be conquered. ## ADHD and Dyslexia I was determined. I remember my envy of those at the blue table. But like many children with attention deficit disorder and dyslexia, I was faced with both reading challenges and focusing difficulties. I often failed to hear instructions or to retain information. Additionally, I frequently drifted off into my own little world, only to tune back in to find the lesson had moved forward. My teacher was a lovely woman who spent time with me after school, and she seemed to know that I was paralyzed by reading aloud. She encouraged me to work hard, and over the next two years, I moved from a person who could not read to a person who could read. By third grade, we had individual desks and our reading levels were no longer color-coded. But to this day, I am proud that I was able to escape from the little red table. Eventually, my hard work paid off. Once I [began to read](https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/school-age/how-to-encourage-kids-to-read/), I loved it, and I read voraciously. I also learned a powerful lesson: hard work and extra help can pay off. I understand the children I coach because I once was like them. Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [As Parents Are We Doing Enough?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/are-parent-doing-enough/) **Published:** October 31, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** A girl with a snotty tone is standing in front of me in line to a haunted hayride. She says snarky things to her friends – clearly a queen bee. She is mean in that cruel, covert, and subtle way. It’s all about the tone and how you look at the person as if the “mean girl” is gauging how mean to be while the victim prays for mercy. The mean girl’s mother is with her and does not even seem to notice, much less care to reprimand her on how she treats people. I’m intrigued. We can’t control everything our kids do, but we can do things to help the [bullied children](http://www.thebullyproject.com/). Often, these kids are left out and struggling right before our eyes, and many parents are not aware of this. ## The Proper Way to Treat People People are having a lot of conversation about the bullying epidemic on social media and coffee shops these days. On the other hand, many parents are washing their hands of the problem, as if to say, “I see it going on around me, but it’s not happening in my house”. Please understand, I am not condemning parents. I am simply asking that we all do our part and try to be more aware. Mentally sign a manifesto to care about what is happening within our control. Talk to your kids about the proper way to treat people, and furthermore, model that behavior. Sit with the mom who pleases you less or maybe is even a bit boring or strange; give her a chance and you might be surprised what you learn about her. It is important we all do this, because our kids are watching. ## Suggestions on How to Treat People: - Invite everyone or no one - Don’t send paper invitations to school - Talk to your child about who they interact with to better understand who might expect an invitation - Call out kids on mean behavior - [Set an example of being nice to people](https://www.additudemag.com/what-our-kids-get-from-giving/) in front of your kids – they are watching - Ask your child to be sensitive to other people’s feelings and show them what it looks like to be kind to someone - Ask your child what he or she may be thinking when someone is harsh or makes fun of them. Expect your child to model a kind tone even with kids they don’t like We tend to worry more about academics and sports these days, but developing well-rounded, good human beings is actually one of our most important jobs as[ parents](http://www.thebullyproject.com/parents). Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [We May Have Eliminated “Last Picked” But Not “Picked On”](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/we-may-have-eliminated-last-picked-but-not-picked-on/) **Published:** November 15, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** in order to build positive social skills behaviors, we have changed things.. but not enough. Gym class was 45 minutes of purgatory for me in elementary school. I could not catch a ball and I was just not athletic. Try as I might, I was last picked. We have eliminated picking kids for teams and the torturous wait to see if anyone else could be the victim of being last picked, in order to build positive social skills behaviors, but we have not eliminated the core issue and perhaps we cannot. Kids are still going to be picked on at school and we should not underestimate the power of that dread. As we are well into the school year, many kids are falling victim to the class bully. Others may be suffering from being left out of the “in” crowd, silently scolded for being different simply by the fact that they are on the periphery and are not welcomed into a group. ## Last Picked This is a lonely place, yet there is a solution to building positive social skills behaviors. Don’t focus on the bully. Focus on the kid who is left out and his specific challenges with appropriate social skills. We can rightly report the [bully](http://www.thebullyproject.com/), but many times the shunning is subtle and it leaves the left out kid with no recourse. Now I was never going to be first pick, but it was social skills and being good at something else that saved me. So let’s look at a few things that kids can change. ## 5 Suggestions to Build a Child’s Social Skills #### 1. Try to understand what social skills the child may need to develop. Then work on how he can develop those skills. This will take time but often kids are left out because they do not know how to present socially appealing behaviors. #### 2. Give him a place to be happy, to be a star in HIS comfort zone where his talents can shine through. A safe harbor or comforting atmosphere is important so the child can feel that he is talented, which will, in turn, help him feel better about himself, and help him preserve his self-esteem. #### 3. Create a plan for him to implement when he comes up against someone teasing or bullying him. Work on role-playing and rehearsing his response to his classmates who are picking on him. Be sure to protect the child. Make a point to [visit the school](http://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/themes/51e1be8f9670a42080000002/attachments/original/1377636643/5.10QuestionsParentsCanAskElementarySchool.pdf?1377636643) so they are aware of the situation and can provide the physical safety he needs. #### 4. Arrange play-dates and activities with kids who have [similar interests](https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-help-your-child-make-friends-when-he-or-she-has-adhd/). This will provide him with another social outlet. When a child is unique they may have to seek a new pool of friends; having someone who they can connect with is crucial. #### 5. Talk openly with him about what he feels and help him name his emotions. Ask him questions about what his day is like. Brainstorm ways he can navigate the social scene more effectively. Often, left out kids do not know how to join a group or know how to approach potential friends. ### Understand strengths and where to showcase them It’s natural to worry about your kids. But remember, a child doesn’t need to be in the “in” group or be good at sports or invited to a lot of parties. What’s important at this stage is to help the child understand what his strengths are and where he can showcase them. By helping him build a toolkit so he can identify his emotions and understand his actions and how others perceive him, is a great start to identifying those positive social behaviors. Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [Everyone is Working on Something When A Child Has Challenging Behavior](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/everyone-is-working-on-something/) **Published:** November 21, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “My son will not sit in circle time,” one mother told me of her kid’s challenging behavior. “The principal is constantly calling about my son’s behavior on the bus. What can I do? I am not even there,” another mother bemoaned. “The teacher keeps calling me to complain about my daughter’s slow pace. When my daughter doesn’t get her class work done, the teacher keeps her in during recess to finish her work, and she has a meltdown every time,” another parent admitted. Do any of these statements sound familiar to you? If so, you are not alone. Millions of parents across the U.S. receive phone calls from schools, teachers, coaches, and other parents regularly about their [children’s irregular behavior](https://www.additudemag.com/behavior-therapy-it-works/). These types of well-intentioned calls can be very draining. Parents with challenging kids often hear too much about things their children do wrong. Sometimes, behavior is aggrandized and made to look like a larger problem than it needs to be. Society is very critical of kids today. Adults often expect kids to be adults, or they expect kids to change their behavior overnight. ## The Pain of Being Different If you are the parent of one of these unique kids, the negativity is probably starting to get to you. These criticisms may be making you feel stressed, frustrated, or even ashamed by your child’s behavior. Even though, deep down, you understand that change and growth takes time, you wish you could do something that would make your child “fit in” now so you didn’t have to watch your child struggle with the pain of being different. Remember, other parents throughout the country are going through the same ordeal. Every child develops at his or her own pace. At a BBQ this summer, a mother of a challenging child said that what kept her sane was to remember that “everyone is working on something.” She went on to explain that even the well-behaved straight-A student in her son’s class was working on not fighting with her brother on road trips. Her son’s teacher was working on reducing her credit card debt. Her son’s coach was working on eating healthier and losing weight. By reframing the criticism in this way, you can put your child’s issues into perspective. Yes, your child may be lacking some skills, either socially or academically, but you can work on developing those skills—just like everyone else. Everyone is working on something. ## 9 Tips to Keep Your Calm When Confronted by Your Child’s Challenging Behavior: - #### **Wait to broach the conversation** - After you receive a phone call, do not talk to your kid about it the minute the kid walks in the door. The conversation isn’t going to go well if you talk to them when you are still angry and frustrated. Instead, wait a few hours and broach the conversation when you are in a positive frame of mind. - #### Allow Room to Explain - You could say, “I heard you had a rough day. What happened?” Your child’s perspective may help you understand the situation more fully. - #### Involve Child in problem-solving process - Change comes easier when your child sees the value in changing. - #### Look for [small wins and improvements](https://www.additudemag.com/period-of-adjustment/) - Real change takes years. Remember to acknowledge and celebrate your child’s small successes. - #### Find a network of support - Find other parents who are going through similar travails and talk to them about your frustrations. - #### Involve the caller in the problem-solving process - [Communications ](https://www.additudemag.com/speak-up-for-kids-and-promote-mental-health/)with teachers, administrators, coaches, and other parents should be more about problem-solving and less about blaming. If you feel like the phone calls are all about blaming, try to turn the tables and involve the caller in the problem-solving process. - #### Ask for insight into why this problem happened - When talking to teachers or administrators over the phone, ask for insight into why this problem happened. Because you can’t be at school to regulate your child’s behavior, teachers need to step in and encourage change at school as well. To get teachers to partner with you, you can ask them open-ended questions, such as, “What skills do you think my child needs to develop?” and “What are you going to do at school to help my child develop those skills?” and “What can I do at home to help my child develop those skills?” - #### Pool the comments - If you receive daily phone calls from one adult, you could also ask for a summary of your child’s behavior at the end of the week so you don’t have to face the [constant negativity](https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/negative-self-talk-the-self-esteem-killers-you-control/). - #### arrange a meeting - If the same problem keeps popping up, try to arrange a meeting with your child’s school team (the principal, the teacher, the school counselor, etc.) and come up with a long-term skill-building plan together, keeping in mind that your kid is not going to change by next week. ## Big-Picture Perspective Above all, when you receive a disheartening phone call, remind yourself of the big-picture perspective. You are not the only parent receiving these phone calls. You are not the only parent working with your child on big issues like behavioral problems, social skills deficits, or low academic performance. Everyone is working on something. Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [How to Motivate Kids Academically with WIFM (What’s in it for Me?)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-motivate-kids-academically-with-wifm-whats-in-it-for-them/) **Published:** November 28, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Years ago, I had a high school freshman walk into my office, and he changed the way I looked at motivation forever. This student, we’ll call him Jackson, was a self-pronounced academic minimalist. When his English teacher asked him to write a paragraph about a book he read, he’d write only a paragraph. If a math test question required a two-sentence minimum explanation at how he arrived at an answer, he’d explain the concept in two sentences. If he was given a rubric for a social studies paper, he would only meet the requirements for a C grade. How can you motivate this child? He was always shooting for the C, never for the A. He saw no value in academic work. School work was just something his parents wanted him to do. But like so many other unique kids, he was extremely intelligent and had many extraordinary talents. Jackson had a fierce entrepreneurial spirit. He had started his own sneaker art business. People would pay him $80 to decorate their sneakers. In addition, he was also playing with the idea of starting a mural or street art business. He was very interested in figuring out how he could make a living from art. He also spoke fluent Spanish and was working at a boys and girls club for underprivileged children as a translator. When I first met him, he really wanted to go on a trip to Ecuador with the club. ## Academic Motivation Jackson’s parents were highly educated individuals; they both had Ph.D.s from an Ivy League school. They were extremely frustrated with Jackson’s lack of academic motivation. Jackson had failed out of boarding school, and now he was barely passing his classes at his public school. He would also consistently lie to them about turning in school work. They were worried that Jackson was ruining his chances of getting into a decent college with his “minimalist” attitude, and they didn’t approve of his interest in street art. His parents didn’t want Jackson to pursue his businesses; they wanted him to focus on getting good grades first, go to college, and then select a career. They also had flatly said “no” to the Ecuador trip because they refused to reward Jackson for his poor academic performance.  ## Use Passion as Motivators When I started coaching Jackson, I realized that the only way I would get him onboard with my academic coaching program was to use his passions as motivators. I had to get him to see what was in it for him (WIFM). Otherwise, he’d use his minimalist attitude in our sessions as well. I started by engaging Jackson in conversations about his goals and businesses. In the end, I negotiated a deal between Jackson and his parents. Jackson would do his school work and be honest about turning in assignments, and his parents would allow him to take art classes and pursue his sneaker business. If he improved his grades over the course of a year, he’d also be allowed to go on the Ecuador trip as a reward for good behavior. Every time we met, I connected the school work with his goals and interests. I helped him see how getting good grades would help him become a better entrepreneur, get his parents off his back, and give him more freedom and time to pursue his passions. Gradually, over the course of two years, Jackson went from a C student to an A student, and he and his parents were both happier. Most kids like Jackson don’t realize that they need good grades in order to achieve their goals. They can’t see long-term like their parents can. So, pitching the idea that good grades lead to dream jobs doesn’t work with them. These kids need immediate reward. They need to see what’s in it for them (WIFM) now. ## What’s In It For Me? (WIFM) Strategy If you have a unique child who is unmotivated academically, consider using the WIFM strategy. Try to figure out what motivates your child. Your child’s motivator doesn’t have to be something that you think is an “acceptable” motivator. What comes up in my sessions all the time is that kids are motivated; they just aren’t motivated by what their parents want them to motivated by. For example, kids love Minecraft and parents hate Minecraft. But Minecraft time can be used as a reward for good behavior. If kids know that good behavior leads to more Minecraft time, they’ll exhibit better behavior. ## Motivators and Rewards [Motivators](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-motivation-problems-getting-started-on-tough-projects/?src=embed_link) can be anything from electronic time to not having to go to the learning center anymore. Below are some examples of motivators that have worked for my clients in the past: Privileges – (walking home from school, choosing dinner foods, going to a concert, getting more electronic time, etc.) Less Scrutiny – (graduating from an academic or social skills program, having less parental intervention, getting parents or teachers off their backs, etc.) Freedom to Explore Passions – (time for art, music, video games, sports, etc.) Tangible Rewards – (comic books, doll clothes, iPod gift cards, etc.) ## How to Use the WIFM Strategy When using the WIFM strategy to motivate a child, first start by asking your child open-ended questions. What does your child want? What are your child’s goals? Try to remain calm while your child explains his or her interests—no matter how far-fetched or cockamamie they may be. By allowing children to verbalize their goals, you are validating their opinions and creating partnerships. Together, choose rewards for good behavior, rewards that will immediately benefit and motivate your child. Also, clearly explain what your child will have to do in order to earn those rewards. For example, they may have to turn homework in on time consistently for one month, or they may have to raise their grade from a C to a B by next term. Lastly, try to show your child how improving their academic skills will help them get what they want in the long run too. By tying their daily work to their larger goals, you can help kids make the connection between the now and the future. When Jackson realized that improving his grades would lead to immediate rewards and help him achieve his long-term goals, he saw a reason to try harder in school. His goals (not his parents goals for him) motivated him to become a better student. All children have to be willing to engage in the change process in order for change to occur. By using the WIFM strategy, you can also motivate your child to be a better student. Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [There is Always a Label](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/there-is-always-a-label/) **Published:** December 4, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** A client brings me a video of a school play where a hyperactive kid rocks back and forth, fidgets and dances around – having difficulty managing her ADHD symptoms. It is hysterical, but I understand painful as a parent to watch. Unlike other kids her age, the little girl knows her lines and her part. During the big scenes, the child is front and center. She lights up the stage and she has charisma. She twists her hair and rocks on her heels, but she also talks at age six with a British accent and steals the show. Her mother even after watching this with me is so frustrated. She feels her daughter “won’t act normal”. I have heard this story many times. The kid who does not stand in line. The parents who wonder why a child who cannot self-regulate and touches other kids in the hallway or whose behavior is “too much”. My client with the video tape fears labels. I hear this a lot. She does not want the ADHD label because of the stigma. I do get that, but I will admit to you – there is always a label. ## **The ADHD Label** These kids are often characterized as difficult or disruptive. Other parents offer unhelpful and unwarranted advice, many times unfairly judging the behavior as if the child is trying to be this way, but there is [always a label](http://theconversation.com/labelling-kids-the-good-the-bad-and-the-adhd-31778). When a kid is placed in the hallway or has to go to the principal every day, there is a label. When they are reprimanded time and time again until they see no point in trying – they have a label, and it’s not good. I wish there were no labels. In the land of unicorns and fairies, there would not be. The fact is that other parents, educators, and communities label children who struggle with behavior. Often the label is to “type” the kid as a class clown, odd, out of control, or worse. ## Difficult or Doing His Best? People resist diagnoses and labels, but sometimes we need to reframe our thoughts. If the label says that the kid is not willfully being difficult, that he is doing his best but that he cannot boss his body. Then isn’t that a better way to think of someone than to think of them as difficult or challenging? Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [Raising the Consistently Inconsistent Kid](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/raising-the-consistently-inconsistent-kid/) **Published:** December 11, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** One day last summer, my daughter arrived for her swim meet in great spirits, as if she could tackle anything. She danced around with her friends, red-cheeked with excitement. When her group was called, she got up on the block, adjusted her goggles, and swam faster than any other six-year-old. She was in high gear, revved with self-confidence. And most importantly, she seemed to be very present. She was her best self. But at her next swim meet the very next day, she was not interested in racing. It was raining outside, and she decided she wanted to watch Cake Boss and eat Chinese food. After I pried her away from the TV and loaded her into the car, I sensed doom. All the way to the meet, she kept telling me that the race would be canceled. When we arrived, she did not frolic with her friends as she had the day before. Her mood was ill-tempered and stormy. When I saw her take the block, I knew she was going to hold back. She finished the race, but she didn’t make very good time. Immediately afterward, she picked a fight with one of her friends, and I had to separate them. ## Dramatic Mood Swings If you are a [parent of a ](_wp_link_placeholder)child with ADHD, this scene probably sounds very familiar to you. For ten years, I have worked with hundreds of frustrated parents who have relayed similar experiences. Their children are erratic and inconsistent, and they don’t know how to improve or control their children’s behavior. Like these other parents, you probably understand how hard it is to raise an unpredictable child. One day your child is brilliant and confident, and the next day, your child is a raging ball of dark emotion. You never know which version of your child will be showing up to the party. Your child’s dramatic mood swings and undesirable behavior may also be causing to you to feel a wide range of emotions: anger, shame, confusion, guilt, or hopelessness. I’m here to tell you that these feelings are very common. Many of my clients have been in the exact same position as you are right now. One thing I often tell parents of children with ADHD is this: from now on, expect the unexpected. Accept the fact that your child is going to be a consistently inconsistent child for a very long time. Go through a grieving process, if you have to, in order to move forward. Most likely, your child’s challenging behavior will arrive at the wrong moments—when you are least equipped to handle the drama. Try to come up with some coping strategies to calm yourself down when these challenging days inevitably arise.  ## Begin the Change Process After you have gained this knowledge and acceptance, you can begin the change process. Most inconsistent kids want to be good, but they don’t know how to be good. Ross Greene, a leading expert in child psychology, puts it this way: “Children exhibit challenging behavior when the demands being placed upon them outstrip the skills they have to respond adaptively to those demands.” In other words, when your child reacts explosively, your child lacks the skills needed to handle the situation. Inconsistent kids need help with building coping skills, seeing things from another’s perspective, and developing problem-solving strategies. These much-needed skills are called lagging skills. ## Lagging Skills One way you can identify your child’s lagging skills is by asking yourself the following question: “What is getting in the way of my child’s success?” Start by trying to figure out what the overall reasons are for your child’s inconsistency. Some kids freak out about timed events or tests. Some can’t handle peer pressure. Some don’t understand social boundaries. Some don’t know what to do when they make a mistake, and they fall apart and blow the rest of the race, recital, test, etc. Ross Greene’s [lagging skills assessment](http://www.maine.gov/doe/rti/conference-documents-2012/k-bousquet1.pdf) can help you identify your child’s lagging skills. Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [Managing Your Reaction To Your Kids as a Parent](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-managing-my-reactions-as-a-parent/) **Published:** December 19, 2018 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Does parenting a child with ADHD stress you out? It does for me, at times. While I know it’s hard to manage your anger when things feel like they’re spinning out of control, the following tips will help you as a parent manage your anger and move toward a better outcome for both you and your child. ## Does this Scene Feel Familiar? Your daughter is late for karate, but she has to run back into the house because she didn’t put her karate belt in her gym bag. While she was saying “bye” to the dog one more time before running out of the house, the dog squeezes through the door and is loose. Now you have to put the dog back in the house; you’re late, you’re tired and stressed, and your emotions are running amuck. ## Stop the Cycle of Emotional Reactivity As the parent of a [child with ADHD](https://www.additudemag.com/behavior-punishment-parenting-child-with-adhd/), you’ve probably had times when you were pushed over the edge. You know the frustration that builds in your body as you pulse with anger, your emotions percolate, and then … you erupt. This kind of an [emotional reaction is hard to avoid](https://impactadhd.com/manage-emotions-and-impulses/tip-when-kids-are-stressed-or-overwhelmed/) … and it has a ripple effect. Your response dictates what happens next between you and your child. ## So how can you [change the cycle](http://impactadhd.com/organize-your-life-and-family/pacing-yourself/)? - **Notice your own body signals.** Try to understand what’s [happening in your own body](http://impactadhd.com/manage-emotions-and-impulses/are-you-in-threat-mode-6-tools-to-stop-the-yelling/) – how your anger shows up. Everyone has a point when they can get too angry and lose a bit of control, and the trick is to start noticing the signs that happen in your body before you cross the that line. This means taking your own emotional temperature. Once you notice the initial irritation, focus on identifying strategies to help keep you in control, strategies you can pull up in the moment, like breathing deeply, listening to music, or pausing to consider whether the incident is big or little deal in the grand scheme of things. Use self-talk to move toward a calmer state. If you take a parent “time out” before you reach your top level of frustration, you will be able to deliver your message in a way that will improve your effectiveness as a parent. - **Don’t give punishments in anger.** Dial in the anger and take a pause, and avoid throwing out nuclear punishments. Model positive emotional regulation, instead. Take some time when you are upset, and wait to respond until you are calm. Typically punishments rendered when you are in the “thick of it” can be too much, and often you’ll end up having to backtrack. With unjust consequences, you actually dilute the [effectiveness of the punishment](http://impactadhd.com/manage-emotions-and-impulses/making-the-shift-towards-understanding-opposition/). Children have a fierce sense of what’s fair, and when their parents have been unjust, the problem snowballs … and children are less likely to take responsibility for their own mistakes. - **Pick your battles.** This does not mean that you do not have to ignore all behaviors and let your children rule the roost. But you should think in terms of [prioritizing behaviors.](http://impactadhd.com/organize-your-life-and-family/prioritizing-whats-most-important/) Understand [which behaviors are being worked on](http://impactadhd.com/organize-your-life-and-family/take-aim/), and which ones can wait to be addressed. Also consider which behaviors are important to the happiness and well being of the family. For example, if it’s 7:30 p.m. and you know that asking your child to pick up a towel from the floor could result in a huge battle, consider letting it go this time. Let your child go to bed in a good mood, instead of spending 20 minutes arguing about a towel. If picking up the towel is a behavior you’re working on, then you can address it the next day when it is less likely to cause an upset. But ask yourself, “what’s most important right now?” and try to limit your corrections to what is essential.  Parenting a child with ADHD can be extremely rewarding; it can also be quite frustrating, and the rewards can be difficult to remember when the dog runs out the door and you are late to karate! There are times when you think that you are the only family struggling to get it right. Many parents sacrifice their hobbies and free time to manage homework, plan meals and taxi their children to all of their many activities. Be sure to remember the importance of “me time” — [time off to take care of yourself](http://impactadhd.com/how-we-can-help/parenting-programs/). It can help you manage your reactions and cope with the frustrating moments better. Go for a 10-minute walk, let your family know you are taking a “time out” and spend 20 minutes reading your favorite book. Even if it’s just little moments to breathe, they will improve your mood and how you manage the next wave of activity.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [How Hitting The Pause Button Saved The Day](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-pause-saves-the-day/) **Published:** January 3, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** On the day of my daughter Lucy’s dance recital, my whole family was a wreck. Lucy woke up at 4 am and graciously woke up the rest of the household with her. Her anxiety had reached peak levels, and she bounced into our bedroom at full speed, shaking us awake with her high energy. I tried everything I could think of to calm her and help her back sleep, but nothing was working. By 9 am, I was begging her to nap. I knew we were in trouble. I could foresee the day ahead: there’d be lots of tantrums. Every little unfulfilled request would end in tears. The dance recital was going to be a disaster. Lucy is the kind of child who loves dancing, but she finds her weekly class “boring.” She is [consistently inconsistent](https://www.additudemag.com/understanding-adhd-hyperfocus/) in the way she treats practicing routines, and she struggles with focus. My husband and I tried an experiment this year; we kept Lucy in a class with younger children instead of moving her up a level with the rest of her classmates. The next level up was attended by mostly eight-year-olds, and I knew a six-year-old with ADHD couldn’t pretend to be eight. We wanted to see if this decision would create a more even playing field. So far, it had seemed to work. ## Recital Day But now, it was recital day—the big test of this experiment. Usually, Lucy loved recital day. She would come alive, ignited by the anticipation of having an audience. However, this morning, an unmistakable sense of doom permeated the house. Would Lucy have the confidence she needed to perform? Or would she cave in to her anxiety? I continued to try to create peace for her as the day progressed. We snuggled and listened to a book on tape, ate her favorite healthy snacks, and talked about what she loved about dancing. She seemed to be doing better, but as we were preparing to leave for the performance, Lucy became absolutely frantic. ## Hitting the Pause Button Then, I remembered a simple tool that I use with some of my ADHD clients. I retrieved a laminated copy of the simple PAUSE button pictured below, a concept developed by my good friend and colleague, [David Giwerc (Founder of the ADD Coach Academy)](http://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/Faculty-Details/david_giwerc_mcc).  I handed the PAUSE button to Lucy. I explained how she needed to pause, calm her breathing, and re-connect to her [prefrontal cortex](https://www.neuropsychotherapist.com/prefrontal-cortex/), the part of her brain that regulates behavior and utilizes logical thought analyses to help her make good decisions. I told her that if she felt like she was forgetting her steps, she could hit that pause button, and she would be able to calm down and remember her routine. We practiced pausing and breathing several times before we left. After finding my seat in the audience, I prayed. Like every parent, I wanted my child to do her best, show off her hard work, and be happy with herself. I didn’t want her to be embarrassed in front of her other classmates, the ones who had moved on to the next level. Right before she went on stage, I saw her in the wings. There she stood in her tutu, her cheeks rosy with makeup. She closed her eyes and breathed. She paused. And then she came out and danced her little heart out. She nailed the routine, down to the last plié! ## Pause Button Success [The PAUSE button has worked for many ADHD children](https://www.additudemag.com/the-pause-button/), including Lucy. It is such a powerful tool that I couldn’t help sharing it with you on my blog today. PAUSE encourages children to STOP irregular behavior and access the prefrontal cortex, allowing them to utilize their logical thought processes before acting. The power of the PAUSE is that it connects children with their prefrontal cortex and allows them to rationally observe highly charged emotional situations. By pausing, children can accomplish the following tasks: - Breathe and connect to their prefrontal cortex which allows them to use their logical thought processes. - Calm down and get a hold of their emotions. - Boss their bodies and stop any physical movement that may be causing problems. - Think of solutions to their upsetting problems or situations. If you plan on using PAUSE with your child, I’d suggest creating a visual cue or code word. The [PAUSE button symbol](http://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/ADHD-Blog-Details/the_seven_big_benefits_of_pausing_for_people_with_adhd) seems to be very popular with kids, and I often print them out and laminate them for younger children, who like the physicality of “pushing” the PAUSE button. Older kids may prefer a code word or phrase, such as “Please take a moment to pause.” PAUSE allowed my daughter to process what was going on, analyze her emotions, and pinpoint her best response options before jumping on stage. Like Lucy, I know your children could benefit from PAUSE!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [Facebook Live Q&A Video 2](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-2/) **Published:** January 10, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** My Facebook Live event was at my home office on Monday, January 7, 2019. I’ve posted the entire video here for you to view. You can also go and view it on my Facebook page. **Content:** # Facebook Live Q&A Video 2 / [Ask Coach Caroline](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/ask-coach-caroline/)  \[vc\_row bg\_type=”image” parallax\_style=”vcpb-default” bg\_image\_new=”id^42|url^https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/header-img.jpg|caption^null|alt^null|title^bernard-hermant-bbuTpY447gA-unsplash|description^null” bg\_image\_repeat=”no-repeat”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_empty\_space height=”300px”\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\]\[vc\_row el\_class=”narrow”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_custom\_heading source=”post\_title” font\_container=”tag:h1|font\_size:42px|text\_align:left|color:%23bfb3a4|line\_height:52px” use\_theme\_fonts=”yes”\]\[vc\_empty\_space\]\[vc\_column\_text\]My Facebook Live event was at my home office on Monday, January 7, 2019. I’ve posted the entire video here for you to view. You can also go and view it on my Facebook page. This month we are highlighting two major questions: 1. What do you do when your kid is oblivious to their social problem 2. What are other kids their age are doing to be social? \[/vc\_column\_text\]\[vc\_raw\_html\]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\[/vc\_raw\_html\]\[vc\_row\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[vc\_column\_text\] ## Ask Coach Caroline If you have a question you would like Coach Caroline to answer on her site, please submit it using the form below.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[gravityform id=”1″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”false”\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[/vc\_row\_inner\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] [← Previous Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-pause-saves-the-day/ "How Hitting The Pause Button Saved The Day") [Next Post →](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-3/ "Facebook Live Q&A Video 3") ## Related Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) ### [Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) / May 1, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) ### [Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / March 11, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ### [Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / February 28, 2026 **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [Facebook Live Q&A Video 3](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-3/) **Published:** March 15, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** We rescheduled our Facebook Live #AskCoachCaroline Event for Monday, March 11th, 2019. This month our theme was how do you help your child deal with loneliness when they feel left out and say, "I have no friends"? **Content:** # Facebook Live Q&A Video 3 / [Ask Coach Caroline](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/ask-coach-caroline/)  \[vc\_row bg\_type=”image” parallax\_style=”vcpb-default” bg\_image\_new=”id^42|url^https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/header-img.jpg|caption^null|alt^null|title^bernard-hermant-bbuTpY447gA-unsplash|description^null” bg\_image\_repeat=”no-repeat”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_empty\_space height=”300px”\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\]\[vc\_row el\_class=”narrow”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_custom\_heading source=”post\_title” font\_container=”tag:h1|font\_size:42px|text\_align:left|color:%23bfb3a4|line\_height:52px” use\_theme\_fonts=”yes”\]\[vc\_empty\_space\]\[vc\_column\_text\] We rescheduled our Facebook Live [\#AskCoachCaroline](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23AskCoachCaroline) Event for Monday, March 11th, 2019. **This month our theme was how do you help your child deal with loneliness when they feel left out and say, “I have no friends”?** If you have a question you’d like to ask your question in the live feed or submit your question to carolinemaguireauthor.com/ask. Even if your question is not answered this month, there is always something to gain from these relatable questions. After all, we’re in this together. \[/vc\_column\_text\]\[vc\_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQqYEnbUmqE”\]\[vc\_row\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[vc\_column\_text\] ## Ask Coach Caroline If you have a question you would like Coach Caroline to answer on her site, please submit it using the form below.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[gravityform id=”1″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”false”\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[/vc\_row\_inner\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] [← Previous Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-2/ "Facebook Live Q&A Video 2") [Next Post →](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/should-i-ban-my-teen-from-seeing-bad-friends/ "Should I Ban My Teen From Seeing “Bad” Friends?") ## Related Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) ### [Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) / May 1, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) ### [Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / March 11, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ### [Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / February 28, 2026 **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [Should I Ban My Teen From Seeing “Bad” Friends?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/should-i-ban-my-teen-from-seeing-bad-friends/) **Published:** March 15, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Banning friends and forbidding your ADHD teen from seeing people that you don’t like won’t work. Having a focused, collaborative conversation about your teen’s thoughts on friendship will. **Q:** “My teenager is having a rocky time with friendships. Lately, she is choosing questionable friends. These ‘friends’ are not treating her well, and, because of their influence, she seems to be heading in a troubling direction. I don’t like these kids, and I am worried. Do I ban the friendships?” A: You have hit on one of the most heartbreaking experiences as a parent raising a kid with attention deficit disorder ([ADHD or ADD](https://www.additudemag.com/add-adhd-symptoms-difference/)). Watching your child make bad choices, and feeling that she is not being treated well, is painful. It’s not easy at this age. Right now your daughter’s peer group is the biggest factor influencing her choices and behavior. You asked if you should interfere. I’d take a less direct approach. Help your teenager think about who treats her well and discuss the joys of friendship. Banning a friendship usually backfires and leads to a big divide in the parent-child relationship. I worked with a young girl whose parents did not like the girlfriend she was hanging around with. After several attempts to get their daughter to end the friendship, the parents decided to forbid the relationship. The child withdrew from her parents. She’d hide out in her room for hours. There was a lack of trust and a lot of anger on both sides. Setting boundaries can be tough, but by talking to your daughter about friendship, without judging her or imposing restrictions, you increase the chances that she will go to you when she has problems with friends. ### **Get Your Child to Open Up About Friendships, including bad friends** Here are some tips for having this conversation: 1\. **Hold back your feelings and just listen.** Your daughter will open up more if she feels heard. By holding back judgment, you create an atmosphere in which your daughter feels safe enough to talk. 2\. **Look at things from your child’s perspective.** The hardest part of being a teen is thinking that nobody understands you. The more you step into your daughter’s shoes and listen to her, the more you can give her what she needs. 3\. **Reflect, clarify, and be curious.** Paraphrase what your teen says and repeat it back to her. When you do this, you show empathy, and you clarify your child’s concerns. Be curious and ask questions. 4\. **Don’t impose your values on your daughter.** Keep your agenda in mind as you talk through the importance of friendship, but do not assume you understand the reasons why your daughter chose these friends. The goal here is to keep your child talking, and to show her that you have confidence in her. I would share with her that we all have different friends for different reasons, but the root of the best friendships is a shared interest. As you enter this discussion, here are some questions to ask: - What is it about these new friends that appeals to you? - What do you have in common with them? - How do you see your friends treating you? - What does an enjoyable friendship look like? - What kind of person do you want to be? - Can you be that person with these friends? You daughter may be choosing the wrong friends for many reasons. The most important thing is to keep the communication flowing. ### **Clarify Good vs Bad Friendship** Gather information on your daughter’s friends and what is going on socially from school — coaches, teachers, and others who can observe and share information. Involve your child in activities and opportunities with former friends or those with the same values, to help her understand the difference between the two sets of friends. Give your teen a place to feel good about herself — an activity where her interests are high and she can pursue her passion and develop a stronger sense of self. *[Other articles from Caroline Maguire on ADDitude](_wp_link_placeholder).*  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADDITUDE MAGAZINE, Making Friends --- ### [Facebook Live Q&A Video 4](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-4/) **Published:** April 1, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** Facebook Live #AskCoachCaroline Event hosted on Monday, April 1st, 2019. This month’s theme is when should I intervene with my child’s friendships? (Example: play dates, reading text messages, etc.) **Content:** # Facebook Live Q&A Video 4 / [Ask Coach Caroline](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/ask-coach-caroline/)  \[vc\_row bg\_type=”image” parallax\_style=”vcpb-default” bg\_image\_new=”id^42|url^https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/header-img.jpg|caption^null|alt^null|title^bernard-hermant-bbuTpY447gA-unsplash|description^null” bg\_image\_repeat=”no-repeat”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_empty\_space height=”300px”\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\]\[vc\_row el\_class=”narrow”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_custom\_heading source=”post\_title” font\_container=”tag:h1|font\_size:42px|text\_align:left|color:%23bfb3a4|line\_height:52px” use\_theme\_fonts=”yes”\]\[vc\_empty\_space\]\[vc\_column\_text\]Facebook Live [\#AskCoachCaroline](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23AskCoachCaroline) Event hosted on Monday, April 1st, 2019. **This month’s theme is when should I intervene with my child’s friendships? (Example: play dates, reading text messages, etc.)** If you have a question you’d like to ask your question in the live feed or submit your question to carolinemaguireauthor.com/ask. Even if your question is not answered this month, there is always something to gain from these relatable questions. After all, we’re in this together.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[vc\_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_xO-TM2alBw”\]\[vc\_row\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[vc\_column\_text\] ## Ask Coach Caroline If you have a question you would like Coach Caroline to answer on her site, please submit it using the form below.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[gravityform id=”1″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”false”\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[/vc\_row\_inner\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] [← Previous Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/should-i-ban-my-teen-from-seeing-bad-friends/ "Should I Ban My Teen From Seeing “Bad” Friends?") [Next Post →](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/cydney-hubbard-integrative-coaching-for-families-llc/ "Cydney Hubbard - Integrative Coaching for Families, LLC") ## Related Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) ### [Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) / May 1, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) ### [Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / March 11, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ### [Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / February 28, 2026 **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [Cydney Hubbard - Integrative Coaching for Families, LLC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/cydney-hubbard-integrative-coaching-for-families-llc/) **Published:** May 1, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults
Phoenix, AZ **Content:** ## Cydney Hubbard, Integrative Coaching For Families, LLC  #### Client Specialties children | teens | young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach Cydney works with adults, children, parents and families and specializes in working with gifted/ADHD clients from around the world. She also sees many youth and adults working on social skills, emotional regulation, and executive function development. Her approach incorporates a person’s strengths, values, processing styles and more so her client’s change aligns with their unique strengths and personality. Cydney graduated from the ADD Coach Academy’s Advance Coach training program and was a graduate of their inaugural Family Coach Training program. She has her PCC from the International Coach Federation and is also a certified Seeing My Time instructor. Integrative Coaching for Families, LLC 11811 N Tatum Blvd, Suite 3031 Phoenix, AZ 85028 [ Email Cydney ](mailto:Cydney@integrativecoachingforfamilies.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](https://www.integrativecoachingforfamilies.com/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Children, Clients: Teens, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Facebook Live Q&A Video 5](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-5/) **Published:** May 8, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** Facebook Live #AskCoachCaroline Event hosted on Tuesday, May 7th, 2019. This month’s theme was how do you help your child manage their emotions rather than their emotions managing them? **Content:** # Facebook Live Q&A Video 5 / [Ask Coach Caroline](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/ask-coach-caroline/)  \[vc\_row bg\_type=”image” parallax\_style=”vcpb-default” bg\_image\_new=”id^42|url^https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/header-img.jpg|caption^null|alt^null|title^bernard-hermant-bbuTpY447gA-unsplash|description^null” bg\_image\_repeat=”no-repeat”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_empty\_space height=”300px”\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\]\[vc\_row el\_class=”narrow”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_custom\_heading source=”post\_title” font\_container=”tag:h1|font\_size:42px|text\_align:left|color:%23bfb3a4|line\_height:52px” use\_theme\_fonts=”yes”\]\[vc\_empty\_space\]\[vc\_column\_text\]Facebook Live [\#AskCoachCaroline](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23AskCoachCaroline) Event hosted on Tuesday, May 7th, 2019. **This month’s theme was how do you help your child manage their emotions rather than their emotions managing them?** If you have a question you’d like to ask your question in the live feed or submit your question to carolinemaguireauthor.com/ask. Even if your question is not answered this month, there is always something to gain from these relatable questions. After all, we’re in this together.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[vc\_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=915XkQp4w0I”\]\[vc\_row\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[vc\_column\_text\] ## Ask Coach Caroline If you have a question you would like Coach Caroline to answer on her site, please submit it using the form below.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[gravityform id=”1″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”false”\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[/vc\_row\_inner\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] [← Previous Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/cydney-hubbard-integrative-coaching-for-families-llc/ "Cydney Hubbard - Integrative Coaching for Families, LLC") [Next Post →](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/mandy-hasslen-gartner-adhd-kid-coach-llc/ "Mandy Hasslen-Gartner - ADHD Kid Coach LLC") ## Related Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) ### [Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) / May 1, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) ### [Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / March 11, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ### [Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / February 28, 2026 **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [Mandy Hasslen-Gartner - ADHD Kid Coach LLC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/mandy-hasslen-gartner-adhd-kid-coach-llc/) **Published:** May 21, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Clients: children | teens
Minneapolis, MN **Content:** ## Mandy Hasslen, PCC – ADHD Kid Coach LLC  #### Client Specialties children | teens #### Coaching Options Offered in person | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach I partner with children and teens to help them see their invisible strengths while teaching them how to use these gifts to overcome their challenges. Together, we find their confidence; I reinforce what they already know. I help children learn that they are okay and pretty cool just being themselves. I partner with parents to help them become the parents they long to be. I give them space, without judgment, to express frustration over the daily, struggles and acknowledge the effort it requires to succeed. Working with parents helps them understand their child and realistically what skills they have. [ADHD Kid Coach LLC](http://adhdkidcoach.com/) 325 W Diamond Lake Road Minneapolis, MN 55419 United States [ Email Mandy ](mailto:mandyhgcoach@gmail.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](http://adhdkidcoach.com/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Children, Clients: Teens, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Facebook Live Q&A Video 6](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-6/) **Published:** June 3, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** Facebook Live #AskCoachCaroline Event hosted on Monday, June 3rd, 2019. This month’s theme was what do when your kid is a bossy rule follower or rule police? **Content:** # Facebook Live Q&A Video 6 / [Ask Coach Caroline](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/ask-coach-caroline/)  \[vc\_row bg\_type=”image” parallax\_style=”vcpb-default” bg\_image\_new=”id^42|url^https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/header-img.jpg|caption^null|alt^null|title^bernard-hermant-bbuTpY447gA-unsplash|description^null” bg\_image\_repeat=”no-repeat”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_empty\_space height=”300px”\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\]\[vc\_row el\_class=”narrow”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_custom\_heading source=”post\_title” font\_container=”tag:h1|font\_size:42px|text\_align:left|color:%23bfb3a4|line\_height:52px” use\_theme\_fonts=”yes”\]\[vc\_empty\_space\]\[vc\_column\_text\]Facebook Live [\#AskCoachCaroline](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23AskCoachCaroline) Event hosted on Monday, June 3rd, 2019. **This month’s theme was what do when your kid is a bossy rule follower or rule police?** If you have a question you’d like to ask your question in the live feed or submit your question to carolinemaguireauthor.com/ask. Even if your question is not answered this month, there is always something to gain from these relatable questions. After all, we’re in this together.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[vc\_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwX3uOpoGWM”\]\[vc\_row\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[vc\_column\_text\] ## Ask Coach Caroline If you have a question you would like Coach Caroline to answer on her site, please submit it using the form below.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[gravityform id=”1″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”false”\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[/vc\_row\_inner\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] [← Previous Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/mandy-hasslen-gartner-adhd-kid-coach-llc/ "Mandy Hasslen-Gartner - ADHD Kid Coach LLC") [Next Post →](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-7/ "Facebook Live Q&A Video 7") ## Related Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) ### [Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) / May 1, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) ### [Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / March 11, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ### [Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / February 28, 2026 **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [Andrea Elrom - creADDive Solutions](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/andrea-elrom-creaddive-solutions/) **Published:** August 1, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults
New York, NY **Content:** ## Andrea Elrom – creADDive Solutions  #### Client Specialties children | teens | young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach Coaching for Parents of Kids with Executive Functioning/ADHD Challenges: Inspired by the work of Cindy Goldrich through her Calm and Connected© workshops, Andrea made it her goal to empower parents and teachers who are confronted with children that display complex behavior. Andrea hosts “Understanding the impact of ADHD and Executive Function Learning, Motivation and Behavior”© workshops, along with individual coaching sessions to educate parents and support them on their journey to success. Andrea earned her Masters in Elementry Education from NYU and recieved her ADHD Coach training through the ADHD Coach Academy. [creADDive Solutions](http://creaddivesolutions.com) 270 Madison Ave, Suite#1500 New York, NY 10017 [ Email Andrea ](mailto:elrom.andrea@gmail.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](http://creaddivesolutions.com)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Children, Clients: Teens, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Facebook Live Q&A Video 7](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-7/) **Published:** July 8, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** Facebook Live #AskCoachCaroline Event hosted on Monday, July 8th, 2019. This month’s theme was how do you talk about social skill problems with your child? **Content:** # Facebook Live Q&A Video 7 / [Ask Coach Caroline](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/ask-coach-caroline/) \[vc\_row bg\_type=”image” parallax\_style=”vcpb-default” bg\_image\_new=”id^42|url^https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/header-img.jpg|caption^null|alt^null|title^bernard-hermant-bbuTpY447gA-unsplash|description^null” bg\_image\_repeat=”no-repeat”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_empty\_space height=”300px”\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\]\[vc\_row el\_class=”narrow”\]\[vc\_column\]\[vc\_custom\_heading source=”post\_title” font\_container=”tag:h1|font\_size:42px|text\_align:left|color:%23bfb3a4|line\_height:52px” use\_theme\_fonts=”yes”\]\[vc\_empty\_space\]\[vc\_column\_text\]Facebook Live [\#AskCoachCaroline](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23AskCoachCaroline) Event hosted on Monday, July 8th, 2019. This month’s theme was how do you talk about social skill problems with your child? If you have a question you’d like to ask your question in the live feed or submit your question to carolinemaguireauthor.com/ask. Even if your question is not answered this month, there is always something to gain from these relatable questions. After all, we’re in this together.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[vc\_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oBLnjS0KIw”\]\[vc\_row\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[vc\_column\_text\] ## Ask Coach Caroline If you have a question you would like Coach Caroline to answer on her site, please submit it using the form below.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[gravityform id=”1″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”false”\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[vc\_column\_inner width=”1/2″\]\[/vc\_column\_inner\]\[/vc\_row\_inner\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] [← Previous Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/facebook-live-qa-video-6/ "Facebook Live Q&A Video 6") [Next Post →](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/andrea-elrom-creaddive-solutions/ "Andrea Elrom - creADDive Solutions") ## Related Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) ### [Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) / May 1, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) ### [Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / March 11, 2026 [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ### [Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/adhd/) / February 28, 2026 **Categories:** Ask Coach Caroline --- ### [How Can I Get Through To My Kid That He Has To Stop Arguing With His Teachers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-can-i-get-through-to-my-kid-that-he-has-to-stop-arguing-with-his-teachers-so-much/) **Published:** September 4, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Taking other people’s perspective and understanding that other people have an inner emotional life and being able to detect that point of view is known as Theory of Mind. When someone has Theory of Mind it means they can detect the perspective, emotions and understand what motivates others…. **Content:** By [Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. PCC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/about) You just received another text from your son’s teacher. He’s in trouble again for his outbursts and continuing to argue with his teacher. You’ve had numerous conversations with David, pleading with him to stop arguing, but nothing changes. When he gets home, you ask him about the encounter, and he seems to have no idea that he has been rude. He tells you, “I wasn’t talking out of turn; the teacher just doesn’t get me.” As a parent this makes you wonder if children with ADHD are more self-centered than other children. Of course not, however, some of the characteristics children with ADHD have can give the appearance of being rude and insensitive. Open-ended questions may be the answer to get to the bottom of your child’s actions and behaviors. ## He Won’t Stop Arguing Some children with ADHD don’t have the perspective or ability to see how others interpret their actions and behaviors. Take David for example – At first glance, you would see him as a bright elementary school boy. He looks easy going and fun, but can’t stop butting heads with his teachers. He won’t stop arguing. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, David is right, and he will argue and debate it until he gets in trouble. Children like David don’t have the capacity to understand how they come across when interacting with teachers and other adults. Their intentions are good, but they don’t really know how to tune in and “walk in the other person’s shoes.” When feeling bored, overwhelmed, hungry, tired or face a self-regulating challenge, ADHD children like David can unintentionally forget social rules and without meaning to, come across as uncaring and bad mannered. They struggle with interpreting social cues, but with proper support, they CAN work to develop a better perspective. Taking other people’s perspective and understanding that other people have an inner emotional life and being able to detect that point of view is known as Theory of Mind. When someone has Theory of Mind it means they can detect the perspective, emotions and understand what motivates others. Having Theory of Mind means understanding that other people’s thoughts and feelings may be different from your own. How many times have you heard someone tell you, “Think before you speak?” Children who do not have the ability to read the minds of others do not hear or notice that their tone, misguided humor, continual monologue, or how abrupt subject changes may alienate others. Parents are baffled as to what to do. ## Don’t Interpret Social Cues When children don’t stop arguing, it is often because they do not easily interpret social cues and tune into the mental states (emotions) of others. They misread behavior and therefore do not understand how their physical and verbal actions affect other people. Teaching children Theory of Mind means helping the ADHD child consider others’ point of view, perspective, desires, motives, and intentions. ### **Children with Theory of Mind Can:** · Interpret how their teacher and friends feel · Decode the information in the environment · Envision someone else’s reaction to a behavior or event · Attribute beliefs and desires to someone · Walk in someone else’s shoes · Predict actions based on a person’s knowledge · Understand false beliefs · Recognize what information other people know · Uncover the speaker’s intentions and inferred message · Anticipate that one’s actions provoke reactions from other people ## **To teach Theory of Mind effectively, parents need to understand the open-ended questions technique.** Open-ended questions are for parents who witness the sharp tones and behavior of their children – and are looking for a sound way to develop Theory of Mind. This style of questioning allows the parent to use a type of coaching communication technique that leads the child through a process to look at the feelings of others. It provides the child with perspective to be able to examine his own behavior and choices. Children can learn how to alter their behavior and using open-ended questions is one way to help those who lack Theory of Mind to create a greater awareness of the mindset of others. This coaching technique also eliminates a lot of unnecessary friction, for example, rather than *telling* David, “You need to stop arguing with your teachers,” think about *asking*, “How do you think your teacher feels when you speak out of turn and are always arguing with her?” This coaching technique will allow the child to consider that other people have thoughts about his behavior and that his behavior can negatively or positively affect others – this builds self-awareness and Theory of Mind. With proper support, parents can learn to effectively use the open-ended questions technique, initially taught by ADHD professionals. This is not a cure, there is no magic here, but used consistently, it does show a sustained improvement in the child’s Theory of Mind. ## How can you use open-ended questions with your child to get him to stop arguing? ### **Step 1:** Open-ended questions use the words who, what, when, where, how, and why. They ask, rather than tell. The process looks like this: a) David, who thinks all facts are worth arguing about, even with adults, and often will go so far as to correct other adults. b) Ask David, “How do you think I feel when you correct me?” It can be beneficial to have him look at your face and interpret what you are currently feeling. c) Then, no matter what the answer is, even if it’s a shrug and an, “I don’t know,” continue to ask him, “What do you think the appropriate behavior should have been?” This begins to help the child think about what the unspoken social rules were and what they are expected to do in the future. The questions help the child with ADHD pause and reflect on other people’s state of mind. In the minivan or on the go continue to ask him questions when his conversations present as forgetting other people’s feelings. **Questions can center on:** · What do other people feel? · What is the reaction to their behavior? · What did the other people’s facial expression tell them about their feelings? · What was the behavior that would make people feel positive about them? · What was the appropriate behavior in the situation? The open-ended question coaching technique walks the ADHD child through interpreting other people’s point of view to examine how their actions and behaviors affect others. Self-regulation and other coping skills may need to be practiced to help children put their best foot forward, but the key is to help the child consider how they come across to those in every day interactions. ### **Step 2:** On an ongoing basis and on the spot when the child is rude or dismissive, begin to ask him open-ended questions that allow him to reflect on his actions and how they might make other people feel. **Additional questions to insight conversation can include:** • How do you think your classmates feel when you can’t stop arguing? • What do you think happens when you don’t show the teacher respect? • What were the circumstances and how did you adjust? • What were the typical behaviors in that environment? • What did you notice about the teacher? • What could you do when you are bored? • What happens if your tone is dismissive? • What do you think your peers think when you are bored disrupt class? The main questions center around helping the ADHD child who struggles to mind read, to consider the perspective or point of view of other people. The idea is to ask questions! Open-ended questions help the ADHD child learn to consider what is typical or appropriate behavior in that situation. It also provides a path to better observe the people, actions, body language, environment and social rules around the child. The reciprocal relationship between tuning into other people’s perspective or mental state and how those people treat us in return is a game changer. ADHD children, who can’t stop arguing, and therefore tend to dominate conversations, can learn to be able to interpret and consider the feelings of others. It’s a journey, and consistency is the key. Parents should find comfort in knowing that all ADHD children benefit from patient and nurturing parents and the open-ended questions technique is well suited to parents who wish to help their children turn social struggles into positive outcomes. ## **Become a Social Observer** To help your child stop arguing, help him become a social spy and let him see it first hand. Social spies observe people in different settings and then record their observations about social cues including, vocal volume, tone, eye contact, physical presence, interrupting, arguing, etc. · Build awareness · Go to a public place, hotel lobby, book store, mall · Watch and notice the social cues · Identify what unspoken rules the environment dictates · Create an image of positive social behavior to navigate toward ## **The Polite Pretend** Many children with ADHD can quickly become bored inside the classroom, leading to outbursts or just checking out altogether. Some will provoke and argue with the teacher to be funny or get a reaction from friends. Rather than lecturing your child, talk with him about the problem. Start by saying, “I’ve noticed that you sometimes struggle to stop arguing with your teacher and I understand you don’t mean to be disrespectful.” Ask him what happened in the specific situation. Talk to him about things that do not interest him and this dilemma of being polite. Remain neutral and calmly discuss why pretending to be polite is necessary. Rather than just telling him that he has to do this, use questions to help him reflect such as: · What he can do during a conversation when he feels bored or when he’s too tired to participate in the conversation? · What happens in the conversation when her tone becomes dismissive and argumentative? · What are the benefits of a polite pretend? ## **Reading the Room** In each environment, there are expectations and unspoken rules. To present the best face to the world, you have to decipher those expectations by reading the room. Help your child understand that how he behaves sends messages to the world, which ultimately impacts how he is received. Any social situation is just a problem to be solved. If you build those skills, your child will have the opportunity to improve his social awareness, stop arguing, and develop better relationships with his teachers. ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?* ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Blog, Educators, Families **Tags:** elementary school, middle school, social skills in kids --- ### [Do I Need to Teach My Kid How to Make A Friend? I Never Needed That Kind of Support, Why Does He?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/do-i-need-to-teach-my-kid-how-to-make-a-friend-i-never-needed-that-kind-of-support-why-does-he/) **Published:** September 4, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Some kids learn social behaviors and just fit in and get along with others. And other children really struggle. And here is the paradox if a child does not play well with others then they are invited to play less and then they do not get the crucial opportunity to practice their social skills. **Content:** By [Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. PCC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/about) Everyone wants your child to have friends, be invited to parties, have sleepovers, have someone to sit with during swim practice and have the ability to make friends without your help. But things are not going well, and you are watching from a distance while your child seems to sit alone or barge in to a group or dominates the conversation. And you wonder if you are supposed to teach your child how to make a friend? Some kids learn social behaviors and just fit in and get along with others. And other children really struggle and appear socially awkward. And here is the paradox if a child does not play well with others then they are invited to play less and then they do not get the crucial opportunity to practice their social skills. And they lose confidence. We get confidence from doing and from practicing. And the longer this struggle goes on research tells us – the harder it is for children to move past this struggle. ## Social Skills Can Be Developed For most children practice makes everything better. BUT for children who struggle socially- they are often leery to practice or in a world of invitation only play dates- they do not have anyone to play with. And socially awkward children, quirky kids, shy kids and kids with challenging behaviors do not get invited to play or begin to opt out of play because they simply do not know how to produce the friendship behaviors that their peers desire. The good news is that social skills can be developed just like any other skills and this means that no matter how bad things seem- your child’s social struggles can change. But to do this you must help your child. She won’t change these behaviors on her own. And she needs coaching to help her move forward. When children are young, we coach them to throw a ball, swim, write thank you notes, shake hands and myriad other things. We do not expect our children to learn math by osmosis, but we often forget that learning social skills takes practice and work too. And this is no different. Children will not learn to make a friend on their own. We must help them. ## **But I Learned To Make Friends On My Own** You may be thinking, “well I learned to make friends with no help.” Maybe. But each child is unique and many children who struggle with friendship have executive function weaknesses and this means they do not learn new social behaviors on their own. This is often because these children have executive function weaknesses. Executive functions are the management system of the brain – a series of processes that come together and help us: · Self-regulate · Focus attention · Manage emotions · Learn from past experiences · Adapt to new situations · Plan and prioritize · Think about the future · Self- monitor · Initiate tasks These are all brain-based capacities directly affect how your child behaves in social situations. And every child has a unique mix of executive function strengths and weaknesses. Executive function is not all or nothing there are degrees of impairment and these executive functions may explain your child’s baffling behaviors. For instance, your child cries and wants friends but when they come over, she ignores them, she tells you she wants to share but then during a play date she is bossy and tries to control everything her friend does. Your child may lack self-awareness and think he is friends with everyone, he may talk at people rather than with them, he may be too silly and too goofy and just invades everyone’s space. This may be why your child needs support and direct instruction to learn to have successful socialization. And it may be why his behavior often seems baffling and does not make sense. ## **Becoming Your Child’s Social Skills Coach** You may already be spending time trying to help your child with his social dilemmas. And you may face resistance from your child. That is natural. We all struggle to work on what is hard for us. And your child may lack self-awareness due to his executive function weaknesses and he may not be aware of his own behavior and its impact on others. But you are the best person to help your child and let’s face it- you are on the front lines working with your child or teen every day. You are already putting in huge efforts to help your child. Now we are going to shift the *way* you approach coaching your child, so you are more effective. ## How To Become Your Child’s Social Skills Coach To become your child’s social skills coach, you must first understand that this may be a long journey -especially if your child is resistant to the conversation. And there are degrees of buy in from your child, she may not jump up and cheer or show enthusiasm to work with you. But there are degrees of buy in and if your child shrugs or answers your questions- this may be enough. No matter what – do not surrender the conversation. As parents, we are engaged in difficult conversations, and we are not having them with someone who WANTS to have the conversation with us. When we can step into their shoes and really explore this with them and continue to talk, then we don’t surrender the conversation. Continuing to have an open, collaborative conversation is essential to helping your child learn to make and keep friends. ## **5 Steps To Have Hard Conversations With Your Child on How to Make Friends** ### **1. Pave the Way** Having difficult conversations about challenging subjects can be hard for parents. You may ask yourself how do I get started? Paving the way for the conversation is an important step. For young children its easier because they ### **2. No Matter What They Say Empathize** Information is power. Often as parents, it is difficult not to react to what your child says. We’ve all launched right into blame, punishment, advice and, then the, “I told you so.” No matter what your child says — he skipped school, is avoiding lunch, or he broke the coffee table — let go of the desire to jump in and react. Take a moment to breathe, and then, listen. The larger goal is to gain your child’s trust, and it is more important than any minor rule infraction. Taking a moment to step back will help your child know that he can always feel comfortable coming to you. ### **3. Reflect, Clarify and Be Curious** Paraphrasing what your child says and then repeating it back to him shows empathy and helps you clarify your child’s concerns. For example, he might declare that he believes that, “people should invite me to play—I shouldn’t have to approach them.” “Reflect” this statement back to him — “What I hear you are saying is that you won’t approach anyone; they must come to you.” By summarizing and repeating his statements, you allow your child to clarify, share more information, and to tell his interpretation of the statement. By being curious and trying to understand his perspective you invite him to be comfortable opening up to you. ### **4. Don’t Impose Your Goals on the Situation** Ask your child questions and listen. Do not assume you know the reasons for your child’s behavior. Do not apply pressure and impose your own goals and agenda on the situation. Getting your child to feel comfortable talking to you is about hearing and waiting and showing confidence that your child has the capacity to learn and grow. ### **5. Partner and Problem Solve With Your Child** Like any of us, children share more when they feel heard and understood. They can put their guard down, engage more readily in the coaching process, commit to developing their social skills, and invest in their success. When you allow for more of a two-way conversation, your child will be more comfortable opening up. Having a calm, open discussion in the heat of the moment allows your child to know that in the future, he can count on you as a partner rather than a judge. Making friends is not an easy task for some children. But playing well with others is an essential life skill – as important as any other academic skill. ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** [**Five Words that Will Change Your Child’s Life—and Your Parenting—Forever**](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/five-words-that-will-change-your-childs-lifeand-your_b_5a5e3207e4b01ccdd48b5fd3?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0c) **[Help a Child Make Friends in Middle School](https://www.additudemag.com/help-child-make-friends-in-middle-school/)** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?* ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** friendships, Make friends, social skills --- ### [Patty Blinderman - Positive Focus, LLC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/patty-blinderman-positive-focus-llc/) **Published:** December 4, 2019 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Patty Blinderman – Positive Focus, LLC  #### Client Specialties teens | young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations separate | with | vertical | spacers Patty Blinderman, PCC, PCAC, is passionate about working with families impacted by ADHD. Patty lives in the Chicago area, but coaches parents, teens and college students around the country using video conferencing (FaceTime and Zoom). In addition to running her thriving and fun coaching business, Patty is a mom with four kids, is on the faculty of the ADD Coach Academy and is one of the instructors of the ADHD coach training course “Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families” Positive Focus, LLC Chicago, IL 60001 United States [ Email Patty ](mailto:patty@ADDPositiveFocus.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](http://addpositivefocus.com)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Teens, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Homeschooling During COVID-19](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/homeschooling-during-covid-19/) **Published:** June 4, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Parents did not choose to homeschool Many of us are working from home for the first time and some of us have lost jobs—and now with this heightened sense of anxiety, we are expected to teach our children? ## “Can’t we just go back to school like normal?” We prepared for this challenge by purchasing planning calendars, organizing the workspace, and successfully logging onto Zoom and installing a kid-friendly backdrop. Unfortunately, your child is not interested in this type of schooling. Your gut tells you that he is under pressure, in pain, and that no amount of cajoling is going to help—he seems to be struggling and can’t manage the different classes, worksheet packets and endless stream of tests and quizzes that are being thrown at him from every direction. “I don’t want to do it anymore. Can’t we just go back to school like normal?” Your heart breaks hearing these words, but that’s not in our immediate future. **Is There a Way Out of This Battle?** Read More in [Today Parenting](https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/homeschooling-during-covid-19-is-no-easy-ask-how-do-you-know-if-your-child-cant-or-wont-do-the-work) ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) > [How To Coach Your Child – An Innovative Program For Parents](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID --- ### [5 Ways To Maintain Your Child's Social Skills During COVID19](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-ways-to-maintain-your-childs-social-skills-during-covid19/) **Published:** June 4, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** [](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/5-ways-to-maintain-your-childs-social-skills-right-now)Due to COVID-19, government and medical professionals are urging us to stay physically distant and avoid social gatherings. Although parents are being asked to promote physical distance outside the family, helping children develop social skills is still possible. As busy people, we don’t always make the time to connect even in our immediate households. Social distancing is the perfect time to connect with family. ## Social skills are life skills [Connection to others is essential to mental and physical health](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/importance-of-friendship-in-time-of-social-distancing). Helping children feel connection is possible, even without playdates and when school is out of session. Follow these 5 tried-and-true methods of engaging with your family and helping children learn essential social skills, without an electronic device: Read more in [Mind Body Green](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/5-ways-to-maintain-your-childs-social-skills-right-now)   Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID --- ### [Screen Time & COVID-19: How to Support Teens with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/screen-time-covid-19-how-to-support-teens-with-adhd/) **Published:** June 4, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:**  Connecting with others is essential, and that is especially true for teens with ADHD during this unprecedented COVID-19 quarantine. Most teens with ADHD, however, spend too much time on electronics, so it is necessary—now more than ever—for parents to engage them in collaborative discussions that lay out expectations. ## Screen Time Limits You can use this time—when most of the rules about screen-time limits and appropriate hours for waking and sleeping have gone out the window—to help your teenager practice self-regulation. Soon your teen will be out on his own, with no parental limits. Learning to coauthor their own limits will help them in the not-too-distant college environment. Read more at [CHADD](https://chadd.org/screen-time-covid-19-how-to-support-teens-with-adhd/) ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID, Teens --- ### [When Your Tween Acts Up During Lockdown](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/when-your-tween-acts-up-during-lockdown/) **Published:** June 5, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** My stuck-at-home 11-year-old spends her off-school hours during COVID lockdown on the online game platform Roblox. As screen time goes, it’s a pretty safe, kid-friendly and creative option, since with parental controls I’m able to lock down her privacy (that means no chats, ever). But she resists screen time limits, argues about getting off Roblox to do chores and tries to push her bedtime later every night. She is worried about not being able to go back to sleep-away camp this summer. And annoyed that she can only FaceTime her friends, instead of seeing them in real life. I get it. Her reaction is understandable, considering the fraught times we are living in. But when she gets disrespectful, I can’t go to my usual set of consequences like threatening that she won’t be allowed to attend a friend’s birthday party, or being sent to her room (which is now her sanctuary). All the usual punishments are off the table during COVID lockdown when everyone is already essentially grounded. Following are some experts’ suggestions on how to handle conflicts with tweens during lockdown. Read more from Caroline in [The New York Times](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/06/well/family/coronavirus-tween-conflict-lockdown-parenting.html) ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) > [How To Coach Your Child – An Innovative Program For Parents](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID, Teens --- ### [10 Ways to Teach Your Child Social Skills in Daily Life](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-ways-to-teach-your-child-social-skills-in-daily-life/) **Published:** June 17, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Some kids learn easily how to navigate any social event and other kids do not. As a parent, you are her original teacher and you are with her day in and day out, so you can help her practice her social skills in daily life. Consider the opportunities in daily life such as standing on the sidelines at a soccer game, playing in the park, shopping in box stores and malls, standing in line at the grocery store, going to barbeques as a chance to be your child’s social skills coach. ## **10 Ways to Teach Your Child Social Skills In Daily Life: ### **1. Help Your Child Become a Social Spy**– Build your child’s awareness by teaching your child to be a social spy. The concept is that the child can to go into public with a mission to be a social spy where she will obtain specific social information. You will rehearse with your child ahead of time, so she learns to watch other people in a subtle, covert way and to listen without looking like she is listening. The idea is to observe a specific behavior so she can learn crucial information about her peers such as how they dress, what they talk about at lunch as well as to teach her how to observe and also notice other people’s behavior, mood, energy and to scan and read the room. ### **2. Spy at a Party to Identify the Unspoken Rules-** In every environment there are unspoken rules, the subtle and nuanced rules of how you are expected to behave and what is acceptable in that environment. As you take your child to different environments, practice having her enter each event to covertly spy and uncover the unspoken rules of the household. You can start by promoting her and sharing your observations then have her spy and report back. Have her notice: *Is the house casual or formal? How do the members of the family treat the furniture?* *Are they tidy, messy, do they care about organizing? What is important to them?* *Should you touch items in the house or keep your hands to yourself?* ### **3. Take a Box Store Field Trip-** Take a field trip with your child to a public place like a mall, a box store, a large shopping plaza and spy on shoppers and workers in the stores. Have your child spy to notice social verbal and nonverbal cues and to collect information. Notice and draw a map of all the entrances, exits, and bathrooms. *How many are there?* *Do employees wear uniforms? What do the uniforms tell you about who is doing what job?* *Based on what you observe who is in charge in this store? Who is in charge but does not wear a manager tag? Who is the grumpy employee? What verbal and nonverbal cues tell you how someone feels? Who is in a hurry? What social cues tell you they are in a hurry?* ### **4. Read the Mood at a Party or On The Playground-** At an event with friends and family or while you are playing on the playground- prompt your child to pick out two people in her family to observe and then to report back what their facial expressions, body language and tone of voice are when they are angry, frustrated, nervous or frightened. Continue to spy on people’s mood throughout the event and ask your child how he should adapt his behavior based on the other person’s mood. ### **5. Create an Inventory of People at the Party-** Learning who someone is and predicting what they will do comes from stepping into their shoes and noticing a million little details about that person. Help your child learn to predict what motivates people, how they will react to information by playing a game with your child at a party. Before the party, prompt your child to privately collect information during the party to create an inventory of 2 specific people in your life by spying on them and gathering information to answer the questions about their interests, personality, and preferences. ### **6. Teach Your Child to Engage in a “Polite Pretend”-** The ability to fake interest or happiness and to be polite even when your child is hungry, tired or bored is what I call a polite pretend. Begin by asking him some open-ended questions, *what do you think your friend felt about your behavior?* *How do other people feel about how you treated them? What behavior does the situation call for?* This will help your child think about his actions and why performing a polite pretend may be necessary rather than hurting other people’s feelings. ### **7. Practice Building Small Talk-** Taking a conversation from saying hello to a full-fledged conversation is hard for some children and teens but it is a life skill. Before a social event teach your child these steps so she can consider how to start and move a conversation forward. First consider how the person and situation is similar or different from someone else she knows; consider what shared experiences you have had with the person. Then listen for clues about the person you are talking to or consult your social database for information about them you can use in conversation. Give your child some conversation starters such as, *what have you been up to? What has this season been like? Are you taking a trip or vacation this season*? Ask your child to walk around with you and start to make conversation with adults or other kids. ### **8. Reading the Face in the Crowd-** Most communication is through body language and facial expressions. At your next social event, play a game with your child. Ask him to read the faces of people at the party from afar, remind him to spy covertly not glaring or staring. Ask him to share with you discreetly what 5 people’s facial expressions alone, without words tell him about how the person is feeling. ### **9. Teach Your Child to Learn to Approach a Group-** Prior to a bbq or party, role play approaching a group with your immediate family so your child can get a sense of how to physically maneuver and so she can practice the steps to join a group. The steps are pause and scan the group, think about a similar situation from the past, figure out the group’s unspoken rules, think about who you know, consider what the people in the group are interested in, notice the social cues, body language, facial expressions of the people in the group, make eye contact with the group and initiate a friendly gesture like a smile and then approach the group. ### **10. Gamify Reading the Context of a Situation-** Context is the situation, the environment, the mood, the circumstances, and what has been going on around you. Some children struggle to pick up on the context and then to adapt their behavior to that context. At a social event ask your child to adapt his behavior to match the audience he is speaking to. Share some examples in advance*, did they just get bad news? Are they hurried and busy? Are they sharing good news*? Ask your child to demonstrate adapting to the context and then share it with you. ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** making friends, social skills development --- ### [Stress tips for Parenting during COVID](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-strategies-to-manage-parental-burnout/) **Published:** June 24, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** **Now how many hats are you wearing?** **Stress tips for Parenting during COVID:** Prior to COVID you were crazy busy, but now?… What do you call this new phase? You work from home, discipline the dog, coerce your kids into silence and manage online learning with your kids! Oh yeah, it’s time to start dinner! As many parents continue to home school, the fear of adding camp counselor to your list of positions instills panic. Mom. Dad. You are are physically and emotionally exhausted! Add to that the feeling of being ineffective in multiple realms of your lives. You are in need of revitalization. ## 5 Stress tips for Parenting during COVID: 1. **Prioritize your top goals** – Not all chores and responsibilities carry the same weight. List out the major stressors and situations that drain your energy so you can be mindful of what is bombarding you. Brainstorm solutions to these big energy drains in advance, before you spin out of control. 2. **Disconnect –** Rarely is social media helpful. Stop scrolling, comparing and shopping and build in more mindfulness measures. 3. **Ask for help and delegate** – Some people truly want to help you. Don’t refuse their help. Even if they are far, setting up a Zoom call with your adult relatives in which they can do an activity or play a game will give you time back in the day. Chores build life skills, so enlist your kids in meal prep, vacuuming, dusting, pet care. Let your child see you accept help, it’s a part of learning and growing. Children need to see their parents asking for help when needed. 4. **Chunk your life** – Consider coordinating with your partner and children to review and revamp the current schedule in order to “chunk” more time for work, home schooling. and parenting. 5. **Stop the stress** – Your brain is ancient, and when it perceives a threat or high levels of stress, your body and brain go into [fight, flight, or freeze mode](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-fight-flight-freeze-fawn-trauma-responses). Develop everyday strategies to prevent stressors to override your thinking brain. Keep your thinking brain in charge to avoid this runaway reaction cycle. The more you intervene with a strategy when your reaction starts, the better you can interrupt the fight, flight, or freeze modes. [Read more about Parenting, especially during the pandemic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/parenting/) ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID --- ### [Virtual Playdates: Can They Really Help Build Social Skills?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/virtual-playdates-can-they-really-help-build-social-skills/) **Published:** July 1, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Who knew playing at the playground, running on the soccer field or summer camp would be taken for granted and we now must rely on virtual playdates? Adults have an easier time staying connected to friends, but kids need to keep in touch just as much, if not more than we do. There are many ways to keep your young one social and active with friends while on lockdown. They can continue to build on the social skills strategies that you’ve been building on over the last several months. ## **4 Ways to make virtual playdate a success** – 1. **Determine the social struggle** – Ask yourself what your child tends to struggle with during play, such as joining in, sharing, managing emotions, becoming overly excited with a friend, being too bossy, or being too grumpy. 2. **Collaborate on the plan** – Make it clear to your child that her mission for the virtual playdate is to practice that skill. For example, work on how your child talks with other children, review what you might say and what to do, role-play, and practice how a conversation might go if done virtually. Practice with family members first, and then when it comes time, help her join in with her friends. 3. **Pick the right playmate** – Temperament of the playmate is important when practicing social behaviors. A virtual environment can be more difficult than an in-person playdate, and to . Compatibility does not necessarily mean putting two like-minded children together. For example, two overly bossy, rule-oriented children might argue and a domineering child might overshadow a shy child. 4. **Choose the activities** – Think about what games and activities might work well in a virtual environment in an effort to stay connected. Younger kids may not have the vocabulary or the ability to hold a long conversation, but interactive activities can be just the right mix of fun and entertainment. ## **Games and Activities for virtual playdates – ** - **Scavenger hunt –** once online, agree on a list of things they can hunt for while on a daily walk with their parents or siblings. Right now, there are many neighborhoods putting rainbows, bears, and other creative items in their windows. Have them find and take a picture of someone’s sidewalk chalk art, hunt for a certain type of leaf or bug or count how many butterflies cross their path. The options are endless. When the hunt is over, the kids can regroup and compare notes on their next interactive virtual playdate. - **HedBanz, Pictionary or Charades** – These can easily be played virtually. - **Storybooks** – Younger kids can take turns reading to a friend. Kids can talk about characters, plot and why it’s a favorite. - **Crafts** – Set up your virtual playdate at the dining room table with supplies. Kids can talk and draw together. Have a show and tell at the end of the playdate. - **Pen pals** – How fun would it be to stay connected by sending a friend a handwritten letter? Make it fun by including a drawing or adding one of your favorite stickers to share. ### **Debriefs are important** Children learn by reflecting on what they are doing and how it impacts others. The more you engage with you child, in a nonjudgmental way after the playdate is over, the better. Chat about what they did well and celebrate their effort. *I heard you tell Julie what to do and what game to play. What do you think Julie felt when you told her what to choose? What choices did Julie get to make? What choices did you get to make? Let’s look at whether or not that was fair together.* Then also ask your child what they struggled with and make a plan and practice for the future. Kids can learn that even though they have to distance themselves right now, they don’t have to forget about the ties they have to their friends. Read more about [Social Skills development ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/social-skills-development/)and [COVID resources](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/covid19/) ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID --- ### [How to Work With a Teen Who Won't Abide by COVID Rules](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-work-with-a-teen-who-wont-abide-by-covid-rules/) **Published:** July 15, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It will happen. Maybe more times than you would like. Your teen has had enough of the social distancing and refuses to obey the house rules. You know he is lonely and has a hard time making friends. Should you forbid an in-person union? Should you stay the course and try to guide him through the ups and downs of why being safe is so important? How do you know what to do next? First, forbidding anything can be a tough call, and may backfire. Saying no can make it seem more attractive to your child. Plus, outward disapproval might put a strain on the relationship. Your child will most likely retreat. He doesn’t want to choose, but if he has to, the parent relationship will most likely suffer. You may experience your son spending more time in his room, and what communication you did have will be less. Watching your child continue to make the wrong choices is heartbreaking. It’s not easy at this age. Right now, his peer group is one of the biggest factors influencing his choices and behaviors. Consider why your child so desperately wants to visit with friends. Our goal as parents is for our children to make wise choices, however, ADHD teenagers can lack maturity and self-awareness. They often don’t make the most rational choices. Lack of self-awareness and social skills directly tracks back to these executive function weaknesses. Talk to your son without judgment and harsh restrictions. Open up the lines of communication. For example, rather than outwardly forbidding the union, ask, “*What do you enjoy doing with your friend?*” “*What do you like about him or her?*” Helping teenagers examine the “why” will help you better accommodate his wishes. This approach explains the difference between telling your daughter how to be and allowing her to look at what makes her happy. You are giving her the power to see whether or not her choices make good sense. ## Take it slow This is something that can happen over a series of open and collaborative conversations. The more you can hear his point of view while trying not to forbid or condemn, the more you increase your chances of helping your child reflect on his choices. Think about your son’s mood and environment. Find a time when he is comfortable and in a good mood. Check your location. A more private setting might be just what he needs to feel comfortable opening up. Here are a few more tips to consider before starting the conversation: Hold back your feelings, listen more – Your son will open up more if he feels heard. By holding back judgment, you are creating an atmosphere where your son feels safe to talk and will be more likely to come to you again if there is a problem. Look at things from your son’s perspective – One of the hardest parts of being a teen is thinking that nobody understands you. The more you step into your son’s shoes and hear his perspective, the more you can give him what he needs. ## Reflect, clarify, and be curious Paraphrase what your teen says and then repeat it back to him. When you do this, you show empathy, and you can clarify your child’s concerns. Be curious and ask questions. By understanding his perspective, you are inviting him to open up more. Don’t impose your family values or goals on the situation – Keep your agenda in mind as you continue to talk through the importance of making good decisions. Do not assume you understand your son’s reasons. Try not to apply pressure by imposing your values and goals on the situation. The end goal here is to keep your child talking and showing him the confidence that you know he can learn, grow, and make good choices. ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID, Teens --- ### [Why Will No One Play with Me? made it to the Best ADHD Books of All Time](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/best-adhd-books-of-all-time/) **Published:** July 20, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** [](https://bookauthority.org/books/best-adhd-books?t=rdufal&s=award&book=1538714833)I’m happy to announce that my book, “Why Will No One Play with Me?: The Play Better Plan to Help Kids Make Friends and Thrive”, made it to [BookAuthority’s Best ADHD Books of All Time](https://bookauthority.org/books/best-adhd-books?t=rdufal&s=award&book=1538714833) BookAuthority collects and ranks the best books in the world, and it is a great honor to get this kind of recognition. Thank you for all your support! Learn More about *[Why Will No One Play With Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* The book is available for purchase [on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Will-No-One-Play/dp/1538714833?tag=uuid10-20).  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog --- ### [3 Tips to Building Empathy During a Social Crisis](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/3-tips-to-building-empathy-during-a-social-crisis/) **Published:** July 21, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ### **COVID Resource – Are we becoming cruel and self-centered or just oblivious?** Exc 5b8854d070a6ad611162c513Let’s face it, we are in a social crisis. Socially distancing is making us exhausted and LONELY. What’s more, on a whole, we are becoming “less nice. Bullying, cruelty and insensitivity may actually be on the rise as we shelter behind our screens. We all witness how cruelty and callousness divides a community – even if it is unintentional. Where we had seen a child burst into tears, or innately sense a rebuff, social distancing has taken away these vital, often non-verbal social exchanges. ## What is Empathy? Empathy is showing compassion, understanding another person’s experience, and walking in someone else’s shoes. Empathetic children are less likely to bully others. The ability to show empathy is a life skill- if someone in your office does not receive a promotion you are expected to read the room and hold back your joy that you were promoted, if someone’s pet passes away you are expected to express sorrow- and when someone is in distress to ignore that distress does not win friends or make you a prospect for future management roles. Environment, genetics, social and cultural factors influence our ability to feel empathy. Some children due to their own brain-based challenges do not read social cues, facial expressions and emotions, they don’t have the perspective or the self-awareness to see how others interpret their actions and behaviors. These children, for whatever reason, do not understand how they come across. Their intentions are good, but they don’t really know how to tune in and “walk in the other person’s shoes.” ## Teaching Empathy Teaching empathy must involve not only fostering a community to promote empathy and kindness but also coaching children individually to help guide them toward greater understanding of what kind and empathetic behavior looks like. We can do this by modeling empathy and reinforcing it with all actions and messages children hear so they can learn to “walk in someone else’s shoes.” ## 3 Tips to Teach Empathy to Your Child - Point out emotions and bring attention at the right time to the emotional experience of others and have conversations with your child about another person’s experience. In the minivan or on the go, continue to ask him questions when his conversations present as forgetting other people’s feelings. For example, *What do you think is going on in your friend’s life? What did you notice about her reaction to the situation?* - Collaboratively talk about your child’s behavior when he is rude or lacks empathy and ask him to interpret how his behavior made you feel. Ask your child, *How do you think I feel when you correct me? What did you mean to do?* - Guide children to look at what another person’s situation or point of view may be – rather than preaching to care about someone, help your child step into the shoes of his peer and ask your child questions to help him reflect on other people’s state of mind. *What do other people feel? What is the reaction to their behavior? What did the other people’s facial expressions tell them about their feelings?* Some children naturally begin to demonstrate empathy as early as 12 months old; others struggle for whatever reason and may demonstrate rude and hurtful behavior. But the ability to understand other people’s emotions and respond with kindness is a life skill essential to help children be part of any group throughout their lives. Read more about [empathy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-teenage-son-disappears-into-the-basement-and-never-engages-with-us/) Learn more about the oblivious kid in the [2020 Parenting Palooza](https://fn101.isrefer.com/go/parents2020/cmpolo123/) ## **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families --- ### [What Will the Fall Be Like?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/what-will-the-fall-be-like/) **Published:** July 28, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Building social and emotional skills for the fall Now is the time for parents to contemplate what fall will look like. None of us knows what to expect, but we can’t just adopt a wait-and-see attitude. Measures should be put into place this summer in preparation for a successful school year, especially if your child has executive functioning challenges. As a social skills coach, I suggest that parents review the social struggles that were most prevalent last year. Did your daughter make friends easily or did she eat alone at lunch? Now would be a good time to ask her if there were people she would like to get to know better. Are there clubs, sports, events etc. that interest her? Find out if enrollment is starting for the fall for the programs she likes. She can ask a friend to join, or do it alone with the plan of making new friends, maybe even from another town. Send a message to the guidance counselor or new teacher and explain her interest in making new friends. She isn’t the first to voice this concern. ## Social and Emotional Struggles To build social and emotional skills for the fall, first determine the areas of struggles. If school work was an issue because of executive functioning challenges or attentional issues, reach out to the school administration and ask if you can turn things in differently, or later. Video interactions are a great way to “play” with others, and older kids can go to the park, etc. with the understanding of distancing. Now is also the time to create plans and infrastructure around the use of electronics as it is probable that remote learning will be here to stay. [Learn more about how to thrive during the pandemic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/blog/) **Social Skills Deeper Dive** **More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the** [**Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! [**Building a Conversation Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families --- ### [Linda King - Play Better Coach - The Joy of Getting Things Done](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/linda-king-play-better-coach/) **Published:** August 11, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**
Clients: children | teens
Reading, MA **Content:** ## Linda King – Play Better Coach – The Joy of Getting Things Done  #### Client Specialties children | teens #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations Email Linda Visit Site Find more Play Better Coaches in my Online Directory.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Teens, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Top 10 Social Etiquette Faux-Pas During a Pandemic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/top-10-social-etiquette-faux-pas-during-a-pandemic/) **Published:** August 12, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’re all figuring this out, yet some of us have adapted to the rules of Pandemic Protection faster and better than others. This is a weird new world, yet community and civility should not be tossed out with our disposable masks! Some people wear masks driving alone in cars, while others claim they “don’t believe in them.” COVID is real, and its effects will last a long time. As a social skills coach, I see all types of behavior as we adjust to this mask-wearing, distancing new normal. Here are my top observations of how to inadequately protect yourself and others. Next time you brave a store trip or visit with a neighbor, see if you recognize yourself in these personnas. ## Top 10 Etiquette Faux-Pas During a Pandemic: #### Bubble-Buster – These people speed up to you as if participants in The Amazing Race. Simply turn if they are approaching and moving past you quickly, but if they are lingering, take the high road and move out of the way. When you are in a store, don’t approach someone else in the aisle, just move to the next aisle. When waiting in line, stay 6 feet apart and don’t encroach on others. #### Close Talker – They probably were close talkers as toddlers, but why can’t they just get it that you can’t do this now? A friendly, “do you need a mask?” will hopefully signal to them that they need to cover up their droplets. Should that not suffice, be sure to step back, turn your head and awkwardly adjust your mask in hopes they receive the message. If not, run. #### Squeezer – As if they have nothing better to do, these folks touch every melon in the grocery store! Please don’t pick up every can, bag and freezer item. You can’t pick things up to read labels right now. I don’t want to touch what you’ve just touched – who knows where you’ve been! #### Rule Police – Don’t yell out in the crowded produce area, “6 feet apart!” You didn’t make the rules, so don’t feel the need to enforce them. Let the signs and notices do that. #### Can’t be bothered – For heaven’s sake, just wear the mask in public! Have a mask at the ready to speak to someone at a drive up window or to say hello. Buy fresh masks and hand them to those who don’t have one. Yes, this may make them feel as if you are asserting your superiority, but in fact, you are the smart one! #### Confused – If you’re not sure of the appropriate etiquette, watch what others do and mirror it. Of course, with the caveat that you aren’t repeating these faux-pas! #### Hugger – “I’m a hugger and I can’t help it!” I hear you. I feel the same way, but please don’t hug or touch other people, even an elbow touch on an arm right now is jarring. Yes, it stinks, but it’s necessary. #### Pontificator – These guys expound on COVID details in excruciating detail. People are stressed, don’t start big lectures with every acquaintance. Some of us are trying to compartmentalize our fears so we can assume some form of normalcy. #### Hoarder – You heard of them, you may even know one or two. As if graduates of Defcon training, these sneaky people take all the toilet paper, wipes and sanitizers before the 2-limit rule was implemented. Don’t take all the supplies left on a shelf, your neighbors are watching and they will be angry because heck, they need toilet paper too! And, it’s just plain not nice! #### Digital Non-native – These people don’t check their emails, rarely text and now are over-whelmed with virtual meetings. We get it, everything and everyone is online now, but please figure out how to join a Zoom meeting or provide a signature electronically. This is not going away. There isn’t one person on the planet who wishes this pandemic was here to stay. I am tired of it. You are sick of it. And those who lost someone to it especially grieve. Let’s do the best we can to protect ourselves and others so this nightmare can be put to rest. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog **Tags:** COVID, social skills in adults --- ### [15 Phrases to Spark a Conversation About Social Dilemmas](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-engage-socially/) **Published:** August 19, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Talking about social challenges is never easy. For most parents, the dread of how to begin keeps us from having the conversation at all. Or it turns what could be a series of small breezy chats into an epic conversation akin to a meeting of rival nations at the UN. Some children simply won’t engage. They do a disappearing act—scattering whenever you bring up anything. ## **15 phrases to spark a conversation about social dilemmas and situations for your child:** 1. **“What does it mean to be a good friend?”** Teaching our children to be good friends starts with this question. Ask your child, “Who do you know that is a good friend to you?” 2. **“Who are you playing with these days?”** With a perspective of curiosity, explore what your child is doing for fun. Don’t leap into a lecture—just gather information. 3. **“If you could change one thing about your friendships, what would you change?”** Coaching is about exploring and being curious. Refer to something your child has said about socialization, “I keep thinking about a conversation we had the other day, and you said you dread social stuff because it’s hard for you.” 4. **“Everyone is working on something. Do you want to hear what I am working on?”** Share your personal challenges, then suggest, “What if we each pick something hard and we work on it together. I think it might be good to work on your friendship skills. What do you think?” 5. “**You often complain about Jenny and how she treats you**. **How would you like her to treat you?”** Listen (just listen—don’t jump in to correct him or argue) to how your child describes social disappointments. Acknowledge what you’re hearing and follow up with, “What makes you frustrated about Jenny? 6. **“You told me the other day that being social is hard for you. What do you mean by that?”** Explore what makes your child struggle and what makes being social hard for him. Listen and collect information. Hearing his perspective can help him open up. 7. **“What are you doing well as a friend? What can you do to be a better friend?”** Allow your child to consider her role as a friend and the fact that being a friend is a dynamic activity. Rather than telling her what she is not doing, allow her to contemplate, and problem solve. 8. **“Sometimes you tell me it’s not worth trying to meet up with friends. What makes you say that**? **Tell me more.”** Explore her assumptions about social life and friendship. Does she tell you she’ll “never be invited,” or “it’s not worth trying to see someone,” or she wants “to keep trying on her own?” Some responses could include, “What makes you say that? How come? Tell me more.” 9. **“What are your specific strengths? What makes something easy for you?”** Everyone has different strengths. Help him look at what he is good at and what it means to be able to have social intelligence. Follow up with, “Who do you know who is good at the same things? Who do you know that is smart about social stuff?” 10. **“What is a story we tell ourselves? How is it different from a fact? What kind of story can be helpful? What kind of story can hold us back?”** Be ready with child-friendly examples. For instance, people once thought the world was flat. How did that limit what they thought was possible and what they were willing to try? 11. **“Did I ever tell you about my experience with friendship at your age?”** You can share an example from a “friend’s child,” or you can share something from your past, telling it with detail. This helps open your child’s thought process. 12. **“I hear you say that a lot. What do you mean by that?”** Listen to the way your child describes herself in the role she believes she has in her peer group or the family. Comments such as, “I’m always the one who gets in trouble,” “I’m just the funny girl,” “I’m such a loser,” or, “They’re just stupid,” show an underlying story or narrative, she is telling herself. Ask her about those statements or little comments she makes. Some questions you can ask, “You say you were ‘being good,’ what does being good mean?” 13. **“What about friendship makes it enjoyable?” “Which friendship is enjoyable?** Friendship should be a positive experience. Help your child look at her desires for friendship. 14. **“How much do you need to participate in school activities to be included and have friends?** It takes a certain amount of “joining in” to meet and keep friends. Some children will not be social and engage in activities. Rather than causing this to be a lightning rod topic, approach it softly and make her think. 15. **“ I notice you didn’t talk to anyone at karate yesterday. I am curious how come?”** If your child isn’t a talker or able to find the words to express himself, you can say, “I notice…” and share an observation or an image. Ask if he agrees or disagrees with your perception.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** Make friends, Teens, tough conversations --- ### [Rejection Sensitivity & ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/) **Published:** August 28, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** [](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0e2IOXOcDu5PNhpsA0yukvY)When you experience Rejection Sensitivity, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming and mammoth inside you and it’s crushing – even crippling! When this event occurs, even if it is a small non-event to most, it feels enormous and can literally is paralyze you. This overwhelming physical sensation feels unbearable and on a scale of 1 to 10 – it is 10+! What matters here is how it makes you feel; not the actual situation. Our brains are ancient, so when they perceives a threat, our body and brain go into fight, flight or freeze modes. The situation feels so intense because your brain is in “survival” mode and a deeply, automatic programmed neurological alarm is going off to warn you to get away as if a saber tooth tiger is literally coming to eat you… [](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0e2IOXOcDu5PNhpsA0yukvY) *…and you go into fight, flight or freeze. This reaction – this rejection sensitivity –* can be past trauma or anticipation, but regardless, this fear causes a defensive cascade in the brain. Future planning is the key to strategizing ways of softening or eliminating these reactions. To help avoid these intense reaction and calm your brain and body in the moment, I have invented the Intensity Meter so you can figure out ***How Intense Does It Feel?*** How intense [](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0e2IOXOcDu5PNhpsA0yukvY)this reaction feels in your body indicates which strategy you need to use in order to restore oxygen and blood back to the deeper regions of the brain and calm your body. ## **3 Steps to Managing the Negative Impact of Rejection Sensitivity:** **** **Step One:** Figure out how typical intense triggers and events feel in your body. **Step Two:** Now that you know how intense these emotions feel, you can begin to pick strategies ahead of time to use when your reaction has reached a 7, 8, 9 or 10 in order to stop that runaway cycle, and help regain control so it returns to the wise-thinking brain. This ca[](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/)lming is like an engine of a car that is overheated and revved up. Physical strategies cue your body that “you got this”, and there is no threat and it can stop the alarm system. [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/)There are 4 R’s to help you manage these intense reactions: (please send an [email](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) to me if you would like to download this tool) [](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM3azhiOy5E) **Step Three:** Develop everyday strategies to keep your thinking brain in charge and fend off the runaway reaction cycle. The more you intervene with a strategy when your reaction starts, the more you can avoid your body going into fight, flight or freeze. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**Watch the Youtube Episode: How To Deal With Rejection Sensitivity**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM3azhiOy5E) **[Read more on how to help your child build social skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tag/social-behaviors/)** [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Adults, Blog **Tags:** Neurodiverse, Rejection Sensitivity --- ### [Connection is a Verb](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/connection-is-a-verb/) **Published:** September 2, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’ve all heard the sayings: “Money doesn’t fall from trees,” “The early bird gets the worm,” “Make new friends but keep the old.” What do they have in common? They require action! You don’t just sit on the couch and get rich (unless you are a youtuber or creating some new and improved way to work from home – stocks are super-hot now during COVID!)… but I digress… My goal in this post is to implore you to reach out to make and cultivate friends. Friends come in all forms and from all places: your kid’s school, neighbors, coworkers, place of worship, online, etc. I say connection is a verb because it requires action. You can’t make someone else do something, this is up to you, and it’s especially pressing now during social distancing. How do you make friends? It can be easy for some of us, and painful for others – just implore the isolated friend to “just call him!” What seems “easy” for you became an exercise loaded with details, dread and potential rejection. Building the skills to make, and keep friends, takes time…. But it is Oh, So Worth It. ### Roadmap to Making and Keeping Friends: 1. **Develop** Social Skills – The good news is that [**social skills** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tag/social-skills/)can be developed just like any other skill. If executive functioning challenges are present, it is best to address them beforehand as developing social skills may be impacted. 2. **Engage** – This is an important verb, as it may produce uncomfortable feeling while you reach outside your comfort zone. Action steps include smiling, listening, texting, inviting, joining, etc. Start with small steps but keep pushing forward, the world needs what you offer. Read about [Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/). 3. **Interpret** – Once you are engaging, you need to be aware of others’ reactions. Are they truly listening and communicating back? Do your best to interpret verbal and non-verbal language and to adjust so that each party is enjoying the encounter. 4. **Build** – Rome wasn’t built overnight (I know, I know, enough with the sayings) but this is yet another example of how long-term action is required to keep long term relationships healthy. 5. **Nurture** – I was just about to add how watering friendships with love is like watering a garden… but you get the idea. Reaching out, being there, truly listening, laughing, sharing are all verbs that nurture the soul. My mission is to vanquish social isolation and to bring together connection – in all forms. I hope you will join me! **\#ConnectionMatters** ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) ### [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)### [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. ### [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 ### [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. ### [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios ### [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. ### [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! ### **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take ### [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group ### [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully ### *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*### **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills ### **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** [Read more about social skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tag/social-skills/)[Download Connection is a Verb graphic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Connection-is-a-verb.pdf)[Read more about the importance of connection by Dr. Hallowell](https://www.drhallowell.com/emotional-wellness/connect-the-other-vitamin-c/)[How to really understand what’s going on in social settings](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/32-adhd-social-skills-how-to-read-room-increase-your/id1483365005?i=1000489264473)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog **Tags:** #ConnectionMatters, Make friends --- ### [Collaborating Virtually at Work and School](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-support-in-a-virtual-world/) **Published:** September 9, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Working and learning virtually can be a challenge when to read social cues and managing communication. We now have the technology to create and support virtual teams, but collaborating remotely requires special skills. ## 5 Collaborating remotely tips to build virtual social and communication skills: ### **1. Consider who is Your Audience-** Think about what you know about the people in each meeting or interactions, *what motivates them? What is their history with you? What are their past choices and what does that tell you about how they will react to a situation?* Then if need be, pause as you adapt your communication to the audience and consider the situation and their personality. ### **2. Use Video Conferencing to Watch for Social Cues-** Whenever possible, use a visual medium so you can see the other person’s nonverbal signals and interpret how they feel. Reading body language and facial expressions will help you gauge how to react to the other person, identify how they are feeling and tailor your communications more effectively. Body Language can change the meaning of a simple phrase, so watch the speaker for head nods (agreement), crossed arms (defensiveness), smirking (can mean they agree and are amused or disagree and are nodding politely), and a sigh (frustration). ### **3. Read the energy of the other person-** Energy tells you so much about another person’s mood. People’s voice, what they say, their body language can alert you to their energy. Consider the energy of the person you are speaking to and ask yourself what does this tell you about their mood? What does that mean about your conversation and how can you adapt your approach to match their energy? The pace of the person’s language can tell you so much about their energy. ### **4. Pay Attention to Context-** Context is the situation, the environment, the mood, the circumstances and what has been going on. Interpreting the context can help you adjust your message to the audience you are speaking to and to remember their thoughts and feelings and how that impacts the conversation. ### **5. Read Between the Lines-** As you communicate with co-workers and friends from a distance, the way something is said can change the meaning so it is important to read between the lines. Drawn out words change the meaning of a sentence, for instance, a stress on the adjective i.e., “that is SOO nice”, changes the meaning from positive to a negative, snarky comment. Intense verb adjectives and adverbs, such love, hate, and always can be signs of sarcasm. Reading between the lines can help translate what the person means, allowing you to make a choice on how to respond. Change can be overwhelming. Rather than worrying about everything at once, a good approach is to pick one mission, one thing to work on and then to focus on that goal. What you focus on will grow and develop and will help you manage your social relationships virtually. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Workplace **Tags:** COVID, social skills adults --- ### [Keep the Social in Social Distancing](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/keep-the-social-in-social-distancing/) **Published:** September 22, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** I’m seeing many introverts engaging more socially now due to our current, virtual world. Yay! Zoom is great for shy people as it can be less intimidating than walking up to someone in person. Now is the perfect time to work on strategies to build your (or your child’s) social and emotional skills for when we return to “normal” in-person interactions. The first step is to understand where you need help, and then to set achievable goals. What about interacting with others, online and in-person, causes you to avoid or delay connecting? Understanding where you need help is critical to setting up a plan. Next, source online communities of like-minded people and in advance of the next meeting or call, practice working on these areas of concern. ## SOCIAL SPY Many feel uncomfortable when they use my [social spy technique](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-spy/) because we worry others are noticing us. Let me assuage your mind – they are not. Use this technique to gage the culture, make a mental inventory of people and what you KNOW about them, step into their shoes and figure out what hot buttons they have. Next, practice making small talk. Bridge the gap from “Hi” to a deeper conversation. This is often easier in the virtual world as it can be less intimidating than real life, so practicing now is important. Think about who in this larger group you might want to build a connection or friendship with. What invitation can you suggest to reach out to them individually? Look at their surroundings – what do the things in the background tell you about this person. Step into their shoes – what do they like? Congrats on your desire to make friendships and connection important to you! Once you establish a connection, be sure to nurture the relationships by sending a message, calling or talking outside of the committee, school, workplace. Remember to pick one thing to work on and every time you walk through a real or virtual door, to remember your intention, review the group and identify your role. You Got This! ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog **Tags:** COVID, social skills in adults, social skills in kids, Social Spy --- ### [When Someone Isn’t Nice, Should You Ignore It?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/when-someone-isnt-nice-should-you-ignore-it/) **Published:** September 30, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** How to recover when someone says mean words. **Content:** People can be rude or insensitive. **How to react when someone is mean**If you are on the receiving end of a hurtful remark, you may be tempted to ignore it or brush it aside rather than risk adding to your discomfort by giving it further attention. Snubs, slights and other verbal “sticks and stones” are part of life, but our words matter, and what we say affects other people and affects how they feel about us. A caring and constructive response is to talk to a friend, confident, family member in a way that gives you a chance to share your feelings, and the two of you an opportunity to reflect together on how to handle moments like this. Often, such comments are made in a context that you or may not have witnessed yourself. Even if you think you know the circumstances, there may be more to it than you are aware. ### How to navigate socially when you hit a bump. 1. **Tell it Like it Is.** Acknowledge to yourself or your child that what was said was inappropriate—a poor way for anyone to speak to someone else, whatever their gripe may be. 2. **Acknowledge feelings**. Ask yourself, “How do I feel about what was said?” This gives you a way to analyze why it hurts so much. 3. **“What was that about?”** No need to interrogate the offender, but try to put yourself in their shoes. Could you have misunderstood? Was it intentional. Could they be having a bad day? Is there any evidence that I brought this on? 4. **Do a quick reality check**. Are your feelings reasonable given the circumstances? Just for your own understanding, listen to your self-talk for any emotional extreme that suggests you are struggling with something bigger than you might have imagined. No matter what, there is always a choice. We can either believe the things that makes us feel small, or we can fight hard for ourselves and our worth. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**Read more: [Learn more on how to connect better](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/connection-is-a-verb/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog **Tags:** Rude --- ### [The Silver Lining: Unexpected Kindness and Empathy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-silver-lining-empathy-and-kindness/) **Published:** October 8, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## **Are you finding yourself unsettled and anxious?** Routines? What routines? ## **What really matters now?** When circumstances jolt us from our routines, it is hard to reset. Business is not the same as usual. For many, the answer is to help others… If there is a silver lining in all of this… it is that we are experiencing unexpected kindness. I stopped in my tracks after reading this post in a local chat group. THIS is why the human spirit will not be denied. ## **How to Help Someone Struggling:** First, to set the scene, you have to create an opportunity to actually talk and meet him where he is. Pick a time and place most comfortable for both of you to have this initial discussion. People tend to be more receptive to conversation when they’re physically comfortable, unhurried and undistracted. Ask questions. Don’t judge. Don’t demand she change. ## Use Open-ended Questions: By asking open-ended questions, you encourage honest, candid and thoughtful discussions. Open-ended questions use the words who, what, when, where, and how. Below are some conversation starters: - How are you doing? - What do you like (not like) about your situation? - What interests you? - What is your virtual world like? - What makes \_\_\_\_\_\_ appealing? - I have noticed that sometimes you have a hard time with (identify a behavior). What makes (name the behavior) hard for you? If your child or friend resists, ask him, “What feels hard about this?” If he denies there is a problem, you can say, “Well I have noticed…” and then name a specific series of situations. Ask him what feels uncomfortable or makes him afraid of making that change. Share with him the things that could happen if he were willing to work on this concern and ask him what he would like to be different. You will share with him a picture of possibilities—what it could be like. Some key phrases that are helpful: - “I am curious” - “Tell me more about that.” - “What is that like for you? - “What does that feel like? When you are curious and really listen, you can never go wrong. ## Clarify Concerns and Express Empathy: As she is responding to your questions, be sure to clarify her concerns by being a reflective listener: Listen closely, repeat back what you heard and ask if you understand correctly. You can say: “Here’s what I hear you saying…is that right?” If she feels that her concerns are heard and validated, she will be more open to hearing what you have to say. Accept and validate her sentiments by using you and I statements, such as “You are overwhelmed” and “I am sad you are lonely.”[View Post](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-silver-lining-empathy-and-kindness/)Finally, and this is very important, be sure to express empathy: “I hear you,” “I get it,” “That must be hard.” ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**> [3 Tips to Building Empathy During a Social Crisis](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/3-tips-to-building-empathy-during-a-social-crisis/) ## Ask me If you have a question you would like me to answer, please submit it using the form below. [gravityform id=”1″ title=”true” description=”true”] ### Leave a Reply [Logged in as christina](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-admin/profile.php). [Log out?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/login/?action=logout&redirect_to=https%3A%2F%2Fnecoaching5091.wpengine.com%2Fmy-teenage-son-disappears-into-the-basement-and-never-engages-with-us%2F&_wpnonce=3e0763e2e4) Comment  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog **Tags:** COVID, Empathy, Open-Ended Questions --- ### [Encourage Social Skills Development](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/encourage-social-skills-development/) **Published:** October 14, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** I take great pride in sharing with you the information that professionals know about how to encourage social skills development in people, especially those with lagging executive function skills. Consequently, I believe that the more information you are given, the better you can to support it. ### Be Patient: Transformation happens very slowly. As a parent, you are there all the time and their partner, but it can be confusing for both of you to navigate the social terrain. Further, this process requires an abundance of patience! ### Move from “*No!!*” to “*Hmmm?…..*“ **Bridge to Betterment**In my book, I describe **Bridge to Betterment,** the process of moving from “no thank you!” – to realization – to change. Your role as a social skills coach is not to push, but rather to hold a mirror to their actions and help them understand how change can happen. You will constantly need to help them see things… and this is where open ended questions and reflective listening come into play. As you move through the stages of change… you will hear them say, “*I kinda wish I had done that differently…*” These nuggets can provide huge information as to how they think. Model by your own actions and talk about how communication and friendship skills requires action. Discuss the stages of friendships and learn more about which stage they are in with each friend. Use questions and reflective listening to help your child or student to agree, disagree, tell clarifying information and to realize what they are doing. Find the carrot of who they want to be and link this to social skills and friendships. Remember – Connection requires action! **\#ConnectionMatters**## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)****Deeper Dive:**[How to Keep the Social in Social Distancing](https://community.today.com/post/keep-the-social-in-social-distancing-social-emotional-learning-in-the-time-of-covid-what-can-parents-do-at-home-to-strengthen-social-skills)[How Does Social Skills Development Occur?](https://youtu.be/o758V7d74U8)[Everyone is Working on Something](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-everyone-is-working-on-something/)[Do I need to Teach My Kid How to Make Friends?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-4-do-i-need-to-teach-my-kid-how-to-make-a-friend-i-never-needed-that-kind-of-support-why-does-he/)https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-everyone-is-working-on-something/ https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-4-do-i-need-to-teach-my-kid-how-to-make-a-friend-i-never-needed-that-kind-of-support-why-does-he/ > [How to Nurture Social Emotional Development in Isolation](https://www.additudemag.com/social-emotional-development-adhd-quarantine/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** social skills in kids --- ### [Sonal Singh](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/sonal-singh/) **Published:** October 15, 2020 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Sonal Singh  #### Client Specialties children | teens #### Coaching Options Offered in person | over the phone | video calls #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach Sonal Singh, ACC is an ICF certified Coach for ADHD and Family Coaching. She is India’s first certified ADHD Coach, and works with clients across the world via video conferencing. Sonal embarked on her journey after a family member was diagnosed with ADHD, and needed to be supported in ways that wasn’t being done at that time in her family and nor could be accessed easily. Through this journey, Sonal has discovered her own inattentive ADHD and finally understands the answers to her always overflowing to do list and thirst to still do more. Sonal is a PEERS Certified Social Skills Provider from UCLA, Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior. She has an MBA from Thunderbird School of Global Management and a BSc. in Finance from University of Utah. Sonal Sonal is also a social worker, and is the CEO of a well known non-profit organization that works with vulnerable populations in India. 106 Aradhana Apartments RK Puram Sector 13 New Delhi, Delhi 110066, India [ Email Sonal ](mailto:sonal.singh@gmail.com?subject=I%20saw%20your%20profile%20on%20Caroline%20Maguire's%20website) [ Visit Site ](https://www.sonalsinghcoaching.com/)  Michael Hollywood [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/mikemichaelhollywood-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/mikemichaelhollywood-com/) **Categories:** Referral Network **Tags:** Clients: Adults, Clients: Young Adults, Coaching: In Person, Coaching: Over the Phone, Coaching: Video Calls, FAM Coach, ICF Certified --- ### [Social Awareness and Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-awareness-and-rejection-sensitivity/) **Published:** October 28, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:**  Halloween had always been a highlight in our house. Our little kids love the costumes, the anticipation, the decorating, the planning of routes with friends – and of course the candy. ### The Halloween Popularity Contest and The Un-Invited Child Halloween is around the corner and for many parents, this holiday now fills us with dread. Why? If our child is ignored or refused, or not invited out, or not with the friends they wished would ask them, they will sulk – or worse. Self-awareness and social-awareness are new variables added to a complex mix of invites, friends, social standing, popularity and more. COVID19 has made Halloween even more complex. Our governor has allowed door to door activity, but we parents are still cautious. Firstly, the fear of herd mentality, overzealous mania, the lack of impulse control, and the proximity to strangers can be nerve-wracking. Secondly, many parents decide amongst themselves who their kids will trick or treat with. Finally, this trepidation of having to “Family Bubble” with unfamiliar people increases the chance that your child will be refused or ignored skyrockets. ### Social Awareness and The Perceived Slight **“Ugh! I can’t find anyone to trick or treat with me!”** After prodding, you convince your child to text a friend. He begrudgingly takes your advice and when he doesn’t hear back from the proposed companion yet sees his message or text has been received and even read, he is hurt. Of course this is painful. Yet, his self-awareness may not be tuned enough to recognize that this may not a slight. His previously strong self-management abilities erode to episodes of sulking, lashing out, stomping, refusing to talk or opting out all-together. As parents, we may not know what is happening and are surprised by his recent snarky attitude. ### Could it be Rejection Sensitivity? Rejection sensitivity tends to make people opt out or avoid events or interactions because they are so accustomed to, and therefore dread, real or perceived rejection. ### What is Rejection Sensitivity? When you experience Rejection Sensitivity, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming and mammoth inside you and it’s crushing – even crippling! When this event occurs, even if it is a small non-event to most, it feels enormous and can literally is paralyze you. This overwhelming physical sensation feels unbearable and on a scale of 1 to 10 – it is 10+! What matters here is how it makes you feel; not the actual situation. ### Could you or your child have Rejection Sensitivity? Learn more [here](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/) ### Relationship-Building and Responsible Decision-Making Parents, this is where you come in. Empathy goes a long way here, and when they are able to listen, offer up some possible reasons why they weren’t invited. Open questions and reflective listening can get to the root of their feelings and help her self-manage the pain. It will also help her better understand the story she tells herself that keeps her avoiding social activities. Collaborate on a plan to reach out to others. Keep trying until either someone accepts, attends an organized “trunk”-or-treat, or it is clear that the evening will instead consist of the immediate family only – and that isn’t so bad! 🙂 I encourage parents not to make this a huge deal. We want our kid to have something to do but it’s better to help them with larger issues than live and die on this one holiday! Do your best to encourage fun and joy – we all need extra helpings! ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) ### [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()### [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. ### [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 ### [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. ### [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios ### [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. ### [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! ### **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take ### [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group ### [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully ### *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* ### **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills ### **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** ### Resources: > [Rejection Sensitivity & ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, Social Skills Development **Tags:** Holidays, Rejection Sensitivity --- ### [Children With ADHD: Does It Ever Get Better?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/children-with-adhd/) **Published:** November 6, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ### Your Child with ADHD isn’t Trying to Upset You. Symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity can cause many problems if left untreated. If your child can’t focus and control himself, he may struggle in school, get into trouble, and find it hard to get along with others or make friends. These difficulties can lead to low self-esteem and possibly create a stressful home situation. ### ADHD Treatment Effective treatment can have a huge, positive impact on your child. Finding the right support, your child can get on track for success in all areas of life. The first thing to do if you think you child may have ADHD is to seek professional help. Second, even without an official diagnosis, you can implement healthy changes to help manage her hyperactivity, inattention, and impulsivity. These interventions include therapy, ADHD coaching, parent education, mindfulness, exercise, a simplified schedule and supports to both teach your child the life skills she needs and specific ADHD friendly structures and tricks. ### The ADHD Diagnosis If you do receive a diagnosis of ADHD, begin creating a personalized treatment plan with your child’s doctor. Include her therapist and school guidance department to make sure all bases are covered. Effective treatment for childhood ADHD includes the whole child and can involve behavioral or CBT therapy, ADHD coaching, possible medication, parent education and training, social skills support, school accommodation and possibly medication. ### Parenting tips for children with ADHD You may find yourself exhausted or cranky at times if your child’s energy makes it difficult for them to listen to you, finish homework or eat dinner. ### Regain Control while Helping Your Child with ADHD Create Structure – Children with ADHD need consistency and clear communication. Praise is important to reward good behavior and logical consequences for poor behavior. They also need lots of love, support, and encouragement. Help your child make friends – Help him become a better listener, learn to read people’s expressions and body language, and interact more smoothly with others. (See advice at the bottom of this page). ### Take Care of Yourself too As a parent of a child with ADHD, you need your mental, emotional and physical strength. The better you care for yourself, the better you can take care of your child. Diet, exercise, sleep, stress reduction and support from family and friends as well as your child’s doctor and teachers will help you. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) ### [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)### [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. ### [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 ### [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. ### [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios ### [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. ### [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! ### **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take ### [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group ### [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully ### *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*### **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills ### **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** ### RESOURCES > [Encourage Social Skills Development](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/encourage-social-skills-development/) > [The Silver Lining: Unexpected Kindness and Empathy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-silver-lining-empathy-and-kindness/) > [Keep the Social in Social Distancing](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/keep-the-social-in-social-distancing/) > [Connection is a Verb](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/connection-is-a-verb/) > [How to Nurture Social Emotional Development in Isolation](https://www.additudemag.com/social-emotional-development-adhd-quarantine/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Blog, Families **Tags:** ADHD, Neurodiverse --- ### [5 Ways Kids & Teens Can Take Back Joy During COVID-19](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-ways-kids-teens-can-take-back-joy-during-covid-19/) **Published:** December 8, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ### 5 Ways to Find Joy It’s six months into the pandemic, and your child is feeling the effects. Social distancing, virtual school, the loss of sports, chorus, and connections to friends are overwhelming your child or teen. His energy level is down. She hardly sees friends. All of their “free” time (which is quite a lot lately) is on screens. And most places are likely entering another phase of the COVID-19 lockdown, similar to last March. They’re likely in need of a few ways to find joy—maybe you are too!—so here, my tips to help take back your happiness. Joy is hard to come by lately. Wouldn’t it be great to order a big box of it on Prime? With so much out of our control, don’t get discouraged. There are things you can do as a parent to create joy and help your child or teen stay centered: [Read more in MindBodyGreen](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/easy-ways-to-help-your-kids-take-back-their-happiness)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** COVID --- ### [Social Emotional Needs of Children](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-needs-of-children/) **Published:** January 21, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Children often struggle with social emotional skills. Social skills can be learned at any age, but it may develop slowly. Stay patient. Parents need to stay in tune of their child’s specific social emotional needs and help shape a strong framework for social-emotional health. I believe that children need peers of the same intellectual, emotional and curiosity levels. ### **6 Ways to Build Social Skills in Your Child:** 1. **Build Her Organization and Problem-Solving Skills** – Your child may struggle with disorganization because of high expectations of herself and others. Every day, help your child learn to think for himself. If he can’t find his notebook, guide him to recall where he might have left it. Practice developing problem-solving skills by explaining that you expect her to try looking before coming to you for help. 2. **Monitor Workload** – Be gentle on your child and let her know that she does not need to strive for perfection. Help her break down assignments so she can learn when and how to take a break. Place a timer in her work area so she can get self-monitor when to take breaks. Don’t correct every grammatical error so she doesn’t worry about falling short in your, or others’, eyes. 3. **Practice** **ahead of time –** Help her learn how to reach out and make friends by practicing with you or siblings in emotionally safe situations. With each simulation, determine a specific goal to work on. Simulate the challenge as best as you can to replicate the feelings. Review the success and work together to find strategies to address the challenges. 4. **Discuss ahead of time strategies** – Together, when he is ready to listen, work on his challenges. Work together to create a plan to work on his urge to control situations and others. Be sure to build in a pause. Counting to 10 or breathing slowly to regain composure is helpful. Create a code word to remind him when he needs to address his behavior. 5. **Review Friendship issues** – Your child may have a hard time making friends. Help your child think of kids that she likes and would like to get to know better. Work on ways she can reach out to them. 6. **Circumvent self-esteem issues** – If he feels lonely, it is important to ask open questions to better understand what his emotions are. Role play the act of first saying hello and starting conversations. ### Parent Coaching Your goal is to help your child adopt new, positive skills and behaviors. You want them to practice in safe and trusting environment. Part of your child learning social skills is practicing without parents intervening. When a coach is watching a football game he does not suit up and take over. He makes notes to give the players at half time. As a parent coaching your child to improve his social skills the best way to help is to guide, prepare and allow him to practice without minimal interference. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**[watch my video on how to encourage social skills development](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o758V7d74U8&feature=youtu.be)[Read When Parents Embrace Social Emotional Learning Kids Feel the Joy Again](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/when-parents-embrace-social-emotional-learning-kids-feel-the-joy-again)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** social skills in kids --- ### [Talking to Your Children about the Coronavirus](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/talking-to-your-children-about-the-coronavirus/) **Published:** December 22, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Tools from [*Why Will No One Play With Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) to help you talk about the Pandemic with your child on [Take Control ADHD Podcast](https://origin-s.scribd.com/podcast/453110591/Talking-to-Your-Children-about-the-Coronavirus-with-Caroline-Maguire-Caroline-Maguire-is-back-to-help-us-through-some-thorny-communications-issues-wi)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators, Families, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** COVID, social skills in kids --- ### [What is Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and Why is it so Important During COVID?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-is-social-emotional-learning-important-during-covid/) **Published:** January 14, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ### What is Social Emotional Learning (SEL) My simple definition of Social Emotional Learning (SEL) – the ability to manage our emotions, build strong relationships, and live in a state of empathy, joy and empowerment. When you are feeling angry, irritated, overwhelmed in COVID, struggling to initiate caring communication, and bewildered by others’ choices and self-awareness, you are in the midst of a SEL experience. You can adapt to and adopt effective strategies, or you can succumbed to its effects. [CASEL](https://casel.org/) defines SEL as “how children and adults learn to understand and manage emotions, set goals, show empathy for others, establish positive relationships, and make responsible decisions.” Social emotional learning sel framework from casel casels five core competencies are self awareness self management social awareness relationship skills and responsible decision making ### Why SEL Training is So Important During COVID No one is immune to the effects of COVID. No one can argue that our children are particularly affected. I share the concern of educators and experts in the Social Emotional Learning field that unless we implement measure ASAP to safeguard our children’s mental and emotional health, the long-term fallout of social isolation may be dire. Many educators, tossed into this new and challenging environment, are working tirelessly to address academic needs. Although most appreciate and acknowledge the importance of relationships, they are begrudgingly forced into deprioritizing its immediate importance. ### How Can We Support the “Whole Person”? The “whole person” theory includes all elements of human development. SEL development is an integral part of this theory. [Research shows](https://www.edutopia.org/sel-research-learning-outcomes) that SEL development is also critical for academic performance.  ### The COVID Upheaval The upheaval we are experiencing now is hard on everyone: children, teens, young adults, parents, educators, and the community. Parents are having a hard time working from home (or not working) while teaching – not just supporting – children. Educators are no longer doing the work they loved because they are tossed into a hybrid learning model that even they don’t like. Life skills do not just include knowing math, geography and how to balance a check book. They include the ability to read a room, manage emotions and self manage. Regardless of the difficulty in our current situation, we can’t allow SEL de-prioritization. Without attending to our relationships, and managing our emotions, we will not be able to come out the other side “whole” and “united”. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) ### [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)### [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. ### [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 ### [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. ### [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios ### [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. ### [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! ### **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take ### [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group ### [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully ### *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*### **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills ### **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**[5 Ways to Use Social Emotional Learning to Bring Back Joy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-ways-to-use-social-emotional-learning/)> [5 Ways Kids & Teens Can Take Back Joy During COVID-19](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-ways-kids-teens-can-take-back-joy-during-covid-19/) https://casel.org/overview-sel/  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Educators, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** SEL, Social Emotional Learning, social skills in kids --- ### [How Can I Get My Kid To Listen & Do What He's Told Without A Constant Battle Of Wills?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/get-my-kid-to-listen/) **Published:** January 27, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Many of us struggle when our child does not take “good advice” or barely turns to look at us when we speak. You know that part of the problem getting out the door or completing chores and other tasks is that your child does not listen. But when you suggest this is something she needs to work on- she ignores you, or the discussion ends in a melt down. And asking for simple things like putting shoes away so grandma does not trip seems to devolve into a battle. Exc 5b7ef234562fa7f106f9651cIf you are struggling to get your child to listen, it may be because of something you hadn’t thought of. ## Is It Stubbornness or Something Else? Many parents feel that their child is purposely not listening to them. Are they are getting a payoff for being stubborn or selfish? This is a very common thought, albeit, a possible misconception. Sure, your child may occasionally be stubborn or selfish, but more often, it is the result of a lack of skills. Research shows that it is brain-based “executive function” skills that hold him back—not willfulness or laziness. ## Executive Function Lag Exc 5d6f0ef28eae490001b9a157If you want to get your kid to listen, you may need to consider her skills. Executive function is the brain’s hub of skills such as memory, organization, planning, self-regulation and the ability to modify our behavior in response to others. When these skills lag, advice about pushing through, trying harder and just making it happen do not apply. In fact, such blaming and shaming only make matters worse. ## How to Interpret Your Child’s Behavior The idea that a child “would if he could” is an important distinction. In this lens of looking at your child’s behavior, you can remind yourself that his skills are not strong enough to curb the impulse. Once your child begins to develop the executive function skills necessary—whether it’s a small step in getting homework done or managing big emotions—his successes will motivate him to do more. Rather than assume your child isn’t trying, or isn’t trying hard enough, look for the small wins. ## Consider What Really Listening Looks Like Listening means showing interest in the other person’s feelings and opinions, being curious and offering a shoulder to relieve their suffering. Neutralize the conversation by using reflective listening. This simply means recapping what they said and translating it back to ensure th message was delivered correctly. This works in person and virtually. ## Modeling Goes a Long Way As you speak with your family, make eye contact and check your body language and facial expressions. Schedule your activities around family dinners. When you interact with your child, try to avoid interrupting or simply be listening for your chance to jump in to speak your opinion. ## Reflective Listening Identify what your child if feeling by using reflective listening. Inquire how they would rather handle directions and the things you need them to do? Collaborate. There may be a voice in your head that says you never needed this kind of communication, but being more collaborative can help lower all the tensions in the house. Also consider what are your expectations around “doing what he is told?” Would it be ok if he set a time to take out the garbage? This is not easy but having a more neutral conversation, talking about the problem and asking for her perspective can help everyone communicate better. ## Practice Listening as a Family Share with the whole family that you feel like all of your listening skills have gotten rusty. As a game, bring out a timer and ask each family member – don’t single one child out – to listen for one hour. Encourage everyone to look each other in the eye when they talk, and model the same behavior. Keep it fun , incentivize it with a small prize or privilege do everyone keeps practicing. ## Work Together *A*cknowledge that your child has areas in which he needs skill development. Support him in managing his emotions by helping him pause and read the room, transition slowly between activities and create routines. Collaborate on strategies you both think will help. Until they learn to do more on their own, they will continue to need you not just for academics but for social emotional learning too. ##### For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) ### [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)### [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. ### [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 ### [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. ### [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios ### [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. ### [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! ### **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take ### [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group ### [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully ### *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*### **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills ### **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** [Learn more about Social Skills Development](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/social-skills-development/)[Watch video on building Social Skills ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o758V7d74U8&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fCU8Hy6rawrJK1ecdsBNK8&index=1&t=4s)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Blog, Families **Tags:** listening, Neurodiverse --- ### [What to Do When Your Teen Can't Seem to Make Friends You Approve Of](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teen-cant-make-friends-you-approve-of/) **Published:** February 3, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** He can’t seem to make friends, or the friends he does make, you don’t like. More than likely, you already know that banning anything rarely works. When you push, they pull. This goes for your teen’s friendships too. What is the answer? Collaboration. ## **What To Do When Your Teen Can’t Make Friends or the Friends are Questionable** Peers are the biggest factor influencing teens. Your daughter can’t seem to make friends and / or may be trying to fit into a friend group that is causing her to change her behavior or make poor choices. There are all types of friends, but no one can doubt that the friend that has your back is by far a greater asset than the one who is, well let’s just say, “questionable”. ## **She Can’t Seem to Make Friends You Like** What can be more troubling than watching from the sidelines as your teen engages with others who don’t treat him well? Yes, this is a rhetorical question because this is on the top of the list of parental heartbreaks. ## **Should you Ban the Friendship?** We would jump in front of a train to protect our kids, so why is the subtle stuff more difficult? Because it takes reasoning, patience, and a look toward the horizon. Banning will not help your teen consider what a good friendship is, nor will it bring about joy. Plus, it will more than likely lead to a big divide in the parent-child relationship. ## **Increase the Chances of Being Heard** Creating a non-judgment dialog should be at the top of the list. Remember what Maya Angelou said, “’I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’ By talking to your daughter about friendship, without judging or imposing restrictions, you increase the chances that she will go to you when she has problems. ## **5 Ways to Build Trust and Conversations Around Friendships** 1. **Listen. Listen. Repeat.** – this is harder than this sounds, but do your best to hold back judgement, your thoughts and the urge to jump in. Your daughter will open up more if she feels heard. By holding back judgment, you create an atmosphere in which your daughter feels safe enough to talk. 2. **Ask Open Questions** – Truly understanding her, and enabling her to understand her own reasoning, is one of the best gifts you can give – to you both. As you enter the discussion, here are some questions you could ask: - What is it about these new friends that appeals to you? - What do you have in common with them? - How do you see your friends treating you? - What does an enjoyable friendship look like? - What kind of person do you want to be? - Can you be that person with these friends? 3. **Understand Your Teen’s Perspective** – Your teen thinks no one understands him: not you; not your spouse; not his sister; not his teachers or coach. The only one who “understands” him is his friends. The more you step into his shoes and listen, the more you can work together to meet his needs. 4. **Reflect, clarify, be curious**– Paraphrase what your teen says and repeat it back to her. When you do this, you show empathy and you help both of you clarify your child’s concerns. Be curious and ask non-confrontational, non-judgmental questions. 5. **Don’t Impose Your Values** – Don’t assume you understand the reasons why your daughter chose these friends. Keep your agenda in mind as you talk through the importance of friendship, but the goal is to keep your child talking, and to show her that you have confidence in her. ## **Keep Communication Open** Without “creeping around,” research her friends by asking coaches, teachers, friends etc. You may be misinterpreting based on your own personal biases. If there were friends from the past that both you and your teen consider as a good friend, consider creating venues for them to interact again. Give her a place to feel good about herself — an activity where she is interested, can pursue her passion, and develop a stronger sense of self. You daughter may be choosing the wrong friends for many reasons. The most important thing is to keep the communication flowing. ### For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* ### Deep Dive: [Keep the Social in Social Distancing](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/keep-the-social-in-social-distancing/) [15 Phrases to Spark a Conversation About Social Dilemmas](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-engage-socially/) [When should I intervene with my child’s friendships?](https://youtu.be/_xO-TM2alBw)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** Clients: Teens, Make friends --- ### [Why Does My Kid Think He Knows Better Than The Adult?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-does-my-kid-always-think-he-knows-better-than-the-adult-in-the-room/) **Published:** February 10, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You may not feel you needed to be told that arguing with adults is a social faux pas but if your child does not understand the dynamic, then coaching him to understand how his behavior impacts others, and how other people feel when he argues can help him learn important social skills for a lifetime.  ## Your Child Thinks He Knows Better Than the Adult Parents often tell me that their child’s social behavior is baffling. Their child will get on their hind-legs and speak back to authority figures. The parent insists this is not how the child was raised and that their siblings don’t behave in this manner. ### What Your Teacher Tells You In yet another email, your child’s teacher details another troubled interaction. He had an yet another outburst your child insisted she knows better and was unable to self-soothe or settle down. You have had parent-teacher meetings, with and without your child, as well as numerous discussions at home. Nothing changes. ### What Your Child Tells You “I wasn’t talking *out of* turn. My teacher just doesn’t like me.” Try as you might, your child remains oblivious to his behaviour. In her mind, she was just stating facts. When the teacher asked her to settle down, she felt that her opinion would be ignored. Consider that your child’s perspective doesn’t take into account stepping into her teachers shoes and understanding how the teacher feels. ### It’s About Perspective Your child doesn’t have the capacity to understand how they *come across.* Perspective into our own behavior and choices allows us to recognize social cues. Their intentions are good, but they don’t really know how to tune in and “walk in the other person’s shoes.” Your child has no reason or desire to be “bad” or uncaring. Their intentions are good, but they can struggle with interpreting social cues. ## 4 Proven Coaching Techniques to Build Greater Awareness and Perspective The techniques below are used by professional coaches that parents can tailor for home use. ### **1. Open Questions** This coaching technique eliminates a lot of unnecessary friction. Rather than *telling* your child, “*You need to stop arguing with your teachers,*” instead *ask*, “*How do you think your teacher feels when you speak out of turn? What impression did you mean to make? What made what you had to say so important? How can you say this without seeming to argue?”* This allows your child to consider others’ thoughts and how their behavior can negatively or positively affect others. Open-ended questions use the words who, what, when, where, how, and why. It can be beneficial to have your child look at your face and interpret what you are currently feeling. No matter what the answer is, even if it’s a shrug and an, “*I don’t know,*” continue to ask him, “*What was the appropriate behavior?”* This begins to help the child think about what the unspoken social rules were and what they are expected to do in the future. On an ongoing basis – as when driving in the car -and on the spot when the child is rude or dismissive, ask him open-ended questions that allow him to reflect on his actions and how they might make other people feel. ### **2. Become a Social Observer** To help your child stop arguing and build awareness, introduce the concept of social spy. Social spies observe people in different settings and then record their observations about social cues including, vocal volume, tone, eye contact, physical presence, interrupting, arguing, etc. Here is how it works; Go to a public place, hotel lobby, book store, mall. Watch and notice the social cues and identify what unspoken rules the environment dictates. discuss both of your observations and create an image of positive social behavior to navigate toward and . ### **3. The Polite Pretend** Your child may dislike being “bored”, and may act out in the classroom, leading to outbursts or just checking out altogether. Some will provoke and argue with the teacher to be funny or get a reaction from friends. Rather than lecturing your child, ask him what happened in the specific situation. Start by saying, “*I’ve noticed that you sometimes struggle to stop arguing with your teacher and I understand you don’t mean to be disrespectful.*” Remain neutral and calmly discuss why pretending to be polite is necessary. Talk to him about things that do not interest him and this dilemma of being polite. Rather than just telling him, work together to discuss the benefits or being polite and figure out polite ways to react when a conversation feels boring or when he’s too tired to participate in the conversation. Be sure to also work on tone to avoid sounding dismissive and argumentative. ### **4. Reading the Room** In each environment, there are expectations and unspoken rules. To present the best face to the world, you have to decipher those expectations by reading the room. Before entering a room or gathering, help your child pause, observe and tune into the participants, energy and discussion before jumping in. ## There are Lots of Ways to Build Social Skills at Home. Children who can’t stop arguing and therefore tend to dominate conversations, can learn to be able to interpret and consider the feelings of others. It’s a journey, and consistency is the key. Parents should find comfort in knowing that all children benefit from patient and nurturing parents and the open-ended questions technique is well suited to parents who wish to help their children turn social struggles into positive outcomes. ##### For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**[10 Ways to Teach Your Child Social Skills in Daily Life](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-ways-to-teach-your-child-social-skills-in-daily-life/)[What do we do when our child is a bossy rule follower?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwX3uOpoGWM&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fCU8Hy6rawrJK1ecdsBNK8&index=6)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Rude, social skills in kids --- ### [How To Help Your Kid When They Regularly Misread Social Signals With Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-kid-with-social-signals/) **Published:** February 24, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and the context of a situation are social signals for us to pause, read, and decipher how to act. You know your child is rarely aware of subtle social signals and does not understand or read people’s moods to recognize what is important to them. When children do not read or interpret nonverbal information, they tend to struggle to understand certain unwritten signals from teachers, friends, and future bosses. ## Why Doesn’t My Child Pick Up on Social Signals? You see your child ignore the signals and pleas from friends in social situations to switch games, go somewhere else or choose another song on the radio. You suspect that your child doesn’t pick up on the teacher’s cues either when he alludes to something important, such as, “*be sure to reread your notes.*” Your child may even sit in the front row, and yet miss a punctuated tone, a lift an eyebrow, or be able to read between the lines when a lot of time is spent on a particular topic or page. ## Subtle Social Signals are in Every Situation For children and teenagers with executive function weakness, and especially those with social skills issues, it is hard for them to figure out how to interpret the teacher’s unspoken and subtle instructions that really flesh out the assignment. Executive function is the management system of the brain that controls attention and organization. It provides the ability to organize information, remember and learn from past experiences, and integrate thought processes that shape perception and self–awareness. It helps children to adapt to new situations and self-monitor. Without it, it is hard to show self-awareness of social cues and anticipates people’s reactions in social situations. Often children who lack executive function skills are so impulsive that they tend to talk out of turn and usually don’t have a filter when it comes to expressing opinions. Sometimes they can be loud and impulsive, and they seem to miss necessary social signals that someone is annoyed with them, or that they are not fitting in with the current situation. ## Help Build Social Signal Awareness in Your Child You may think you’ve told your child how to behave at least 100 times, but nothing has worked. Follow these suggestions for help your child adapt their behavior: ### **1. Teach your child to read the room** – Children have good intentions but they may not know how to tune in and read the room. Often children can struggle when feeling bored, overwhelmed, tired, or when facing a self-regulating challenge. Reading the room – the ability to recognize the players and energy – will allow them to understand their social role, develop greater situational awareness, and tune into social cues to create more socially expected and appealing behaviors. Ask your child, in the moment, to stop and describe what the look on your face should portray. In every environment, there are expectations and unspoken rules. To present the best face to the world, you have to decipher those expectations by reading the room. ### **2. Read between the lines-** ###  As your child communicates online or in-person, the way something is said can change the meaning so it is important to read between the lines. Drawn out words change the meaning of a sentence, for instance, a stress on the adjective i.e., “that is SOO nice”, changes the meaning from positive to a negative, snarky comment. Intense verb adjectives and adverbs, such love, hate, and always can be signs of sarcasm. Reading between the lines can help translate what the person means, allowing you to make a choice on how to respond. ### 3. **Teach your child to be a social spy!** – Being a social observer is a start, but you can make it fun with Social Spy! The concept is that the child can to go into public with a mission to be a social spy where she will obtain specific social information. Have your child spy and report on what other kids at school are doing and saying. The idea is to observe a specific behavior. Have her report on how her peers dress, what they talk about at lunch, and where they sit. Have your child work through these scenarios, pause and pay attention to a specific set of behaviors. Specifics to look for: - Facial Expressions - Body language - Expected behavior the situation demands - Unspoken rules of the environment - People’s mental states - Social norms - Perspectives and points of view ### **4. Help your child witness social signals** – ## **** Helping your child witness and reflect is one of the most important things a parent can do to help their child build social skills. Encourage your child to self-reflect on actions and thoughts by asking open-ended questions to allow candid speech. Instead of telling your child, “*You can’t have friends if you don’t join anything,*” ask, “*How do kids connect and make friends? What steps does it take to connect with people?*” Instead of “*You are really loud when you play video games,*” ask “*What do others do when playing these games?*” Let them think for themselves about how others perceive, engage and interact. ## There are Lots of Ways to Build Social Skills at Home. By helping your child become more self-aware and improve her social skills, your child will become a more “clued-in” child with a greater ability to develop strong, life-long friendships. With support, your child CAN learn to assess the situation and respond appropriately. Using questions, fun tools, and specific methods, you will help your child read the room, similarly to a coach teaching your child how to play volleyball. It’s a journey, and consistency is the key. Parents should find comfort in knowing that all children benefit from patience and nurturing. ### For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* ## Social Skills Deeper Dive: [Collaborate Virtually at School and Home](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-support-in-a-virtual-world/) [Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/category/making-friends/) [How to help a kid learn to join in](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9yQNwItLHI&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fCU8Hy6rawrJK1ecdsBNK8&index=7&t=7s) ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Neurodiverse, social skills in kids --- ### [10 Things To Calm YOU Down When Raising Kids With Executive Functioning Challenges](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/things-to-calm-you-down/) **Published:** February 17, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Raising Kids With Executive Functioning Challenges Building strategies to help you calm down, thinking and wise in the moment – even when your child is reacting, melting down or seems oblivious to something urgent and necessary – is paramount. Weak executive function means your child may be immature and might struggle with social and academic realms. Your child’s frontal cortex development may be 3 years behind neurotypical children. Raising these kids can be rewarding, yet it also means you as a parent often have to be less reactive and more responsive when guiding your child. ## Does any of this sound familiar? Your child: - Does her homework but she does not turn it in. - Polks someone so much on the bus that you have to apologize to the child’s parent. - Spaces out during class and misses the key information so you have to teach her the material rather than writing your critical report. - Melts down like a toddler, yells at you in rage or hides in the basement. Raising children with executive function challenges can be draining. It is important to build your own internal resources so you can respond to your child or teenager in a way that makes you an effective parent. #  ### 10 Things To Calm YOU Down When Raising Kids With Executive Functioning Challenges 1. Have a mantra – Reminding yourself that you are in control and that your child truly is doing the best they can – most of the time. A manta such as “they would if they could” or “this is a long term journey” Or “I’m in the middle of something tough, but I can do this!” 2. Breath – *Breathe* in and out eight times, or set the timer on your phone and *breathe* until you feel calmer. Say something to yourself that helps you regulate your anger. When parents are angry it is like throwing kindling onto a fire. [Read more on the benefits of the pause](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-pause-saves-the-day/). 3. Take a break- Don’t be afraid to say you need to take a break and that you cannot give any answers right now or discuss the issue further. Some children or teens will follow you around campaigning for an answer but you do not have to give them an answer on. 4. Create daily calming rituals – Your cup needs to be filled in order to support your child. Actively create daily practices that you can draw on to relieve stress. Simple rituals that will allow you to work with your five main senses will calm you down when you are beset with a racing mind, insomnia or general worry. Rituals can include: mindful listening, self-massage, vision boards, and tea ceremonies. 5. Identify your own body signals – Our bodies tell us when we are becoming heated. When you are experiencing an emotional reaction, signals in your body and mind will let you know a reaction is brewing. If you pay attention to these physical signs, you are better able to enact coping strategies and remain calm. Learn your signals so you know when you are losing control. Is your face turning red, do you breathe heavily, clench your fists? Recognize the signs and practice self control. (See chart above for common body signals). 6. Reframe negative self talk – Recall that your child would do better if they could. Walk around the block and remind yourself that their struggles are real. 7. Think of all your child’s strengths and positive qualities – It can be easy to concentrate on their tough traits at times, but reminding yourself that they are funny, sweet, kind, thoughtful and creative will help put things back into perspective. 8. Visualize a Peaceful, Calm and Favorite Place – Do you love the beach, a quiet reading nook, or a walk in nature? Get yourself mentally in this peaceful place when your running low on empathy. 9. Drink a hot and comforting beverage – Tea ceremonies are a great way to relax. Schedule a tea or hot beverage break into your day or run for the tea kettle when things get hot. Better to have hot tea than a hot head! 10. Sing a song – I personally think that singing in your head can be more effective, and more considerate, than out loud. When songs are in our head, we don’t worry if we have all the words, if our tone is off or if we are annoying others. It is a great way to be present and to calm yourself down. ##  ### DO This At Home! ### There are Lots of Ways to Build Social Skills at Home. It’s a journey, and consistency is the key. Parents should find comfort in knowing that all children benefit from patience and nurturing . For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*## Social Skills Deeper Dive ##### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**Watch how to create a mental video with your child to help them get tasks done**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQlVZeldezo&t=211s)**.**[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** Neurodiverse, social skills in kids --- ### [How Adept Are You at Reading the Room?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/) **Published:** March 3, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ### The Importance of Tailoring Messages Have you ever mis-spoken? Have you mistakenly hurt, offended or alienated someone? More than likely, you answer yes. And more than likely, you regret it and wish you could change that interaction. Tailoring messages and our contributions is important because it builds community and friendships. ## Reading the Room It is important to learn how to scan the space and environment for verbal and nonverbal energy, words or dynamics. Why? So we can tailor our messages. Stress impacts our ability to read the room. We are all under stress due to the uncertainty associated with the pandemic and the political environment. Reading the room right now may be different than it was before so taking others’ perspective is more important now than before. The good news is you can work on this both virtually and in person. Reading the Room comes easily for some, and less easily for others. #  ## How to Read the Room Today in Our Current Climate: 1. Keep the camera on – If you struggle with reading the room or you feel your organization is super complicated, use the visual cues to monitor your participation. 2. Perspective Taking – consider others’ perspectives by doing an “inventory”. Kids love this too. Imagine the people in your life. What are their thoughts, insights, values? Try to walk in their shoes. Who is this person? What do I know about them? What is important to them? How should I address them and tailor my message in hopes of it being received? 3. Observe – allow yourself to observe rather than feeling the need to contribute. Check out facial expressions, mannerisms, delivery, words, mood and context. Being a spy, or observer, is one of the best ways to read the room. 4. Practice – Pick one mission to avoid overwhelm. For example, you may decide that you will try to interpret body language and facial expressions only rather than trying to observe everything. ## Questions From Adults: ### Q: I have a hard time with fast-paced conversations. How can I become more adept at absorbing the dialog faster so I can respond more quickly? A: I recommend that you practice jumping in and making chit chat. Start with family and friends. Also I have noticed that most people think they are delayed while others may not notice a delay. Count how many beats it takes to respond. Also, ask questions. People love to talk about themselves and this gives you time to think and prepare. ### Q: How to a read poker face? A: Use your spy skills and open questions to try to better understand the other party. Some “poker faces” are harder to interpret, so just try your best. ### Q: In what ways does wearing a mask wearing and social distancing impact people? A: We must recognize that we are in a “new normal”. Without a doubt, COVID has changed the way we can communicate and engage, but I urge you to continue to stay connected, even if it needs to be outdoors, 6 feet apart and with masks. ### Q: How do you recommend reading body language via zoom? A: If you are in charge of the meeting, ask others to leave their cameras on. Listen to tone of voice if camera is on, or off. Specifically ask for further information and feedback if you can’t adequately read the signals. If you are in groups, come up with ways that you all can discuss things more openly. Consider your audience and estimate how they will receive your message(s). ### Q: How do you recommend engaging with people we haven’t met before? A: Without background information to fall back on, I suggest you assume the stance that your audience is tired, besieged, etc. If you come from an extra-conservative approach, the chances of doing something inappropriate lessens. Continue to remind yourself of the messaging and what “brand” you want to portray. ***For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out [Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)***  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Workplace **Tags:** COVID, Reading the Room --- ### [5 Reasons Why We're All Hyper-Sensitive Now (And How You Can Take Your Sanity Back)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-reasons-why-were-all-hyper-sensitive-now-and-how-you-can-take-your-sanity-back/) **Published:** March 17, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Why We are Sensitive During COVID-19 For some – maybe for you – this pandemic has been dreadful. The isolation and loneliness. A job loss. Death or illness. New worries about finances, health or the future. The pandemic has left an indelible toll on the country. Experts also warn of a “second pandemic” – an increase in mental and behavioral illness that follows the first pandemic in its wake. A report by the United Nations and World Health Organization indicates that [45 percent of Americans](https://www.un.org/sites/un2.un.org/files/un_policy_brief-covid_and_mental_health_final.pdf) reported experiencing distress due to the COVID-19 crisis. ## What is Sensitivity? Being sensitive about something doesn’t mean it has to be warranted. It means that YOU are feeling something deeply. It can be real or perceived. Feeling rejection, worry or irritation may be setting off your emotional alarms, which may then push you fight flight or freeze mode. Dr Stuart Shanker compares this phenomenon to a car alarm. Once the alarm has been activated, just tapping the car can cause the alarm to be triggered again. ## How to be sensitive to your own mental health during the COVID-19 crisis. 1. **Do a body scan –** Take a read on how you are feeling in your body and mind by doing an emotional temperature scan. Ask yourself, “Am I being too sensitive?” “Are my feelings warranted?” If the answer is yes, engage in mindfulness practices to de-escalate the effects of hyper-sensitivity. 2. **Figure out your tolerances** – There are things in all of our daily lives that drain our energy and irritate us. What feels heavy to you? What irritates you? This may be the pile of clothes on a chair in your bedroom or the broken latch on the gate that keeps swinging open. 3. **Create hope and joy—Take back your happiness** – Joy is hard to come by lately. Wouldn’t it be great to order a big box of it on Prime? With so much out of our control, don’t get discouraged. Recall how you have ushered in joy in the past and try to mimic the activities. Music, dance, creating things, talking to friends are just a few examples of ways to bring back happiness. 4. **Pick daily activities to cope with frustrations and emotions**– Each day that is unproductive or in solitary can potentially be a day that brings disappointment. What activities can you do each day of the month? Perhaps more sports, or add new interests. A trip to the craft store can foster some much-deserved creativity. The point here is to build on strengths, develop new interests, and strengthen relationships. 5. **Respond Rather than React** –An overly reactive response might be to yell at someone. To pause and craft a response is a more thoughtful, centered response. Rarely do good things happen when instigated from a reaction.Individually, we are all coping with this global pandemic. We are all dealing with this pandemic in our own ways, but we all need to embrace self care. The best self-care steps start with the basics: your hygiene, your health, your sleeping and your nutrition. ## DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* ## Deeper Dive: [5 Ways to Use Social Emotional Learning to Bring Back Joy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-ways-to-use-social-emotional-learning/) [Self-Awareness in Social Emotional Learning](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/self-awareness-in-social-emotional-learning-sel/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog **Tags:** COVID, parenting, self care --- ### [How To Help Shy Children Step Outside Comfort Zone](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-shy-children-make-friends/) **Published:** March 25, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## How Can I Help My Shy Child Make New Friends? **My child says it is too hard to play with new kids. Aren’t we supposed to step outside our comfort zone?** The first thing I suggest is to ask your child what makes this hard? Why does she avoid trying new things and joining in? The beauty of asking questions is that it allows the child to identify – for themselves – why this is the case and what lies outside their comfort zone. Your child may truly not know what to do or how to join in. ## Identify Something Each of You Can Work On Make a pact with your child to each step outside your comfort zones and try something new. Work on something hard for you and your child will work on this. Let her pick any activity, group or sport that she can just show up to. Introduce the concept of the comfort zone tool. We all know how it feels to tackle something outside our comfort zone—all the more when it’s something hard for us. (Read more about Comfort Zone on pages 147-149 in *[Why Will No One Play With Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*) ## Comfort Zone This exercise is a low-stress way to engage the child who is struggling to keep an open mind or start the process. If your child has trouble with change, shows less buy-in than you wish or who says there is no problem, this can be invaluable. ## Outside Comfort Zone Exercise 1. **Explain what it means when something is “outside your comfort zone”** – What is “outside comfort zone”? Use examples from your own daily life. What things do you do easily every day? What things push you toward the edge of your comfort zone or clearly outside it? For example, I was nervous to learn to ski. It felt uncomfortable at first. You can prompt your child by asking questions about this idea of being uncomfortable and stretching to get beyond it. “Remember when you went to a new soccer team and felt like you wanted to stay with the old one?” Explain that in order to change and grow, we all must be willing to lean into discomfort and engage in the process. 2. **Outside comfort zone circle** – On a piece of paper, have your child draw a large circle to represent his comfort zone. Leave a margin around the circle—that’s going to be the space for things outside his comfort zone. Ask him to jot outside the circle some things that are outside his comfort zone. Let your child tell you what those are. 3. **Inside comfort zone circle –** Ask him to jot inside it things he does that are inside his comfort zone. These might include joining in with younger kids, staying out of the lunchroom, sitting only with one safe friend, things he loves like Legos, going to grandparents’ house, the after school program he prefers, eating favorite foods, playing with the same people or in the same place. 4. Inside or Out? If your child hasn’t already named specific social expectations or situations, then ask, “*Would \_\_\_\_\_ be inside your comfort zone or outside your comfort zone*?” ## Modeling is the Best Coaching Tool I encourage you to push yourself into unfamiliar places. Modeling to your child that you are willing to do things that you wouldn’t normally do is the best way to coach them to do the same. ## DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*## Deeper Dive: [What if my child won’t discuss getting help for social skills?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/what-if-my-child-wont-even-discuss-getting-help-for-social-skills/)[5 Ways to Maintain Your Child’s Social Skills During COVID](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-ways-to-maintain-your-childs-social-skills-during-covid19/)## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**## About Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., earned her undergraduate degree at Trinity College and her Masters of Education and Early Childhood Development at Lesley University with a specialization in social emotional learning (SEL). Caroline is the author of the award winning book, *[Why Will No One Play With Me](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)?*, a playbook of foolproof scripts on how to build social skills. She created a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology for adults, parents, clinicians and academic professionals. She is the founder and director of [The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/family-adhd/) training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) – the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Ms. Maguire is a sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator on various topics related to social, emotional and behavioral learning. She is a permanent columnist on social skills in CHADD’s *Attention Magazine*, a favored contributor to *U.S. News & World Report, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude* and *WebMD*. Download her free video “[How to Tell a Tighter Story](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tighter-story/),” for advice on how to curb rambling. Please join her on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/CoachCarolineCM/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinecm/), [Linked In](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM), [Medium](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire), [Pinterest](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) and download her free video “[How to Tell a Tighter Story](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tighter-story/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Lonely, making friends, shy --- ### [Essential Guide to Transitioning to Social Interactions - Post COVID](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-essential-guide-to-transitioning-back-to-social-interactions-post-covid/) **Published:** March 31, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Social isolation was not easy at first. We weren’t prepared for it. Now, one year later, we’ve grown accustomed to a lack of physical human interaction. I have heard from people all over the world, distressed that they are unable to meet people every day, to interact and to have mundane conversations. But NOW I am hearing even stranger – and scarier – messages. Many have come to prefer a life with limited interactions. How do we venture back to in-person social interactions? ## How to Transition Back to Face-to-Face Social Interactions Introverts and extroverts alike are now expressing trepidation at transitioning back to ‘normal’ social interactions. I believe that returning to socializing, especially indoors, will lead to social anxiety for many people. Those of us living in colder climates, with a more limited outdoor social exposure, may find it even harder. ## Transitioning Back to Social Interactions is Not Going to be Easy In our herculean effort to save ourselves and loved ones from death, we have given up our freedoms and activities and put our lives on hold. This has not come without cost. In an effort just to survive, we have lost subtle nuances including reading the room to interpret energy, facial expressions, body language and tone. Social interactions are going to be weird at first as we try to unlearn a skill we have come to master – being socially distanced aficionados. No longer can we hide behind screens, or turn off a screen when we lost interest. How do we strike up a conversation or fein interest without looking awkward – both mentally and physically? ## It’s Time to Practice Social Interaction Skills As we transition back to ‘normal’ life, it is time to remember and refresh the social skills we have been learning since childhood. It seems funny that we need to learn the skill of communicating again. Didn’t we learn this in kindergarten? It may feel like a hassle, or a task, but it is now time to transition back to physical interactions. It may feel natural at times, and so awkward at others, but at least all of us are in the same boat. ## Let’s Sharpen our Rusty Social Skills It’s time to address our fears and build our social resiliency again 1. Take a gradual approach – ease back into socializing slowly and keep your expectations low. Millions of Americans are getting vaccinated against COVID-19 each day. The writing is on the wall, we will be returning to “normalcy” soon. But for many, returning to previous activities will feel daunting. If 5 activities in a month feels too much, do only 2. Make sure it is enjoyable. 2\. Build in a reward system – Just as you might opt for a new haircut or get a manicure after losing 5 pounds, give yourself a reward for each time you call or walk with a friend. 3\. Treat yourself and others with kindness and respect – All of us have a different threshold of comfort. Practice modifying your tone and energy to come across as calm, quiet, polite, lighthearted, relaxed, chatty, non-confrontational, cautious, respectful, thoughtful, detached, curious, dulcet, soothing, earnest, light, breezy, gentle. ## Socializing 101 Each of us will need to prepare our return to society based on what feels comfortable. What is ‘right’ for your friend may not hold true for you. That is fine and, well, human. What we all share, however, is the need for kindness, willingness and determination to pull out of this pandemic better than before. ## Do This At Home [Everyone is Working on Something](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-everyone-is-working-on-something/)[Do I need to Teach My Kid How to Make Friends?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-4-do-i-need-to-teach-my-kid-how-to-make-a-friend-i-never-needed-that-kind-of-support-why-does-he/)[Connection is a Verb](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/connection-is-a-verb/) [Keep the Social in Social Distancing](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/keep-the-social-in-social-distancing/) [Connection is a Verb](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/connection-is-a-verb/) [Read more about social skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tag/social-skills/)[Download Connection is a Verb graphic](https://49q2vk32s2zj1b392i1ny0zt-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Connection-is-a-verb.pdf)## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**## About Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., earned her undergraduate degree at Trinity College and her Masters of Education and Early Childhood Development at Lesley University with a specialization in social emotional learning (SEL). Caroline is the author of the award winning book, *[Why Will No One Play With Me](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)?*, a playbook of foolproof scripts on how to build social skills. She created a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology for adults, parents, clinicians and academic professionals. She is the founder and director of [The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/family-adhd/) training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) – the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Ms. Maguire is a sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator on various topics related to social, emotional and behavioral learning. She is a permanent columnist on social skills in CHADD’s *Attention Magazine*, a favored contributor to *U.S. News & World Report, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude* and *WebMD*. Download her free video “[How to Tell a Tighter Story](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tighter-story/),” for advice on how to curb rambling. Please join her on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/CoachCarolineCM/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinecm/), [Linked In](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM), [Medium](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire), [Pinterest](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Educators **Tags:** COVID, social skills in adults --- ### [You're Not a Bad Parent](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/youre-not-a-bad-parent/) **Published:** April 8, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Dear Mom: Adulting is Hard. If You Don’t Have This All Figured Out – It’s OK Times have changed and what we are asked to handle now is not only so many more demands than our parents had to handle, it is so much more than we had to handle just one year ago! You are cook, driver, psychologist, custodian, enforcer, nurturer and advocate all wrapped into one human being. ## **We Are in the Parenting Equivalent Of the Industrial Revolution** Do you wonder how we can help our children self-advocate, cope with anxiety, confront mean girls, jock boys, come to terms with not making the team or to face disappointment when you are barely hanging on by a thread?  With so many demands on parents now a days, it’s no wonder we feel burned out and overwhelmed. No one has this all figured out – that is why there are so many parenting books, forums, blogs, TikTok videos, Instagram posts and parent support groups. We are in the parenting equivalent to the industrial revolution. We all try to figure out a new, un-chartered landscape that will change parenting forever. If there is any consolation, we are all facing this together! ## **How Parenting Demands Have Changed Over the Past 20 Years** 1. IT Specialization – Parenting now requires us to manage technology at home for school, work and socializations while creating screen time boundaries! 2. Masters in Uncomfortable Dialog – Parents now discuss sex, body image, gender identity, drugs and alcohol while managing misinformation and inappropriate media sources. 3. Bully Busters – We are now helping even young children cope with the emotional issues caused by a life lived online. 4. Self-Doubters – Information overload about trends in nutrition, parenting strategies and lifestyles leads modern parents feeling even mundane things must be analyzed, adjusted and improved. 5. Calendar Police – Our daily schedules have become so much more structured due to dual income, a focus on academic achievement and our children’s activities that most of our days are spent planning and organizing. 6. Sole Provider – An increase in single parent homes has also changed the way parents play, discipline, arrange play dates and enrichment to keep up with hectic dual home competitors. 7. Helicopter Operator – A fear of violence and stranger danger has also changed how parents approach their child’s freedoms and self-reliance- as parents no longer allow their children to walk home alone or play for extended time without supervision. This has caused parents to be more involved in their children’s transportation, schedules and to create structured supervised play dates. 8. College Recruiters – Parents have come to focus more on the college admissions environment, so parents now focus on making sure children have enrichment activities, unique and numerous extracurricular activities. These after school obligations have become a priority for parents and parents have to juggle a more demanding schedule with numerous activities such as band, soccer, music lessons, gymnastics, foreign language classes or academic tutoring in order to increase their appeal to future colleges and so parents now have to manage these schedules. 9. Sherpas – While in the past parents relied on natural consequences today we drive soccer gear and lunch boxes to school and call soccer coaches to complain rather than remaining as consultants to our children. ## Cut Yourself Some Slack - Practice Self Compassion – Treat *yourself* and others with *kindness* and respect. Cut yourself a *break* when things fall apart and celebrate when things go well. - Take Social Media Breaks – Think of it as brain-detox. No more “garbage in”. - Practice Self Care and Have Daily Rituals to Recharge – Maintain a healthy relationship with yourself. Care for your minds, bodies, and souls by engaging in activities that promote well-being and reduce stress. Doing so enhances our ability to live fully, vibrantly, and effectively. - Ask for help – relatives, friends and others will help or listen – Set your pride aside and just ask. Family, friends and older children want to help more often than you may think. - Connect- connecting with other parents reminds us we are not alone. ## DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* ## Deeper Dive: [10 Things to Calm You Down ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/things-to-calm-you-down/) [Stress Tips for Parenting During COVID](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-strategies-to-manage-parental-burnout/) ## About Caroline Maguire  Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., earned her undergraduate degree at Trinity College and her Masters of Education and Early Childhood Development at Lesley University with a specialization in social emotional learning (SEL). Caroline is the author of the award winning book, *[Why Will No One Play With Me](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)?*, a playbook of foolproof scripts on how to build social skills. She created a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology for adults, parents, clinicians and academic professionals. She is the founder and director of [The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/family-adhd/) training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) – the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Ms. Maguire is a sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator on various topics related to social, emotional and behavioral learning. She is a permanent columnist on social skills in CHADD’s *Attention Magazine*, a favored contributor to *U.S. News & World Report, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude* and *WebMD*. Download my free video “[How to Tell a Tighter Story](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tighter-story/),” for advice on how to curb rambling and please join me on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/CoachCarolineCM/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinecm/), [Linked In](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM), [Medium](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire), [Pinterest](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** parenting, slack --- ### [Introducing “How To SEL” - Everyday Child and Family Social Emotional Coaching](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/introducing-how-to-sel-everyday-child-and-family-social-emotional-coaching/) **Published:** April 13, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** *Joint Venture By leading SEL experts Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., and Scarlett Lewis* Newtown, CT (April 12, 2021) – The[ Choose Love Movement](https://chooselovemovement.org/), a non-profit SEL organization, in partnership with [Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/), parenting and SEL expert, announced today the release of[ How To SEL](http://howtosel.com/), an innovative essential life skills coaching subscription designed to make social emotional learning (SEL) skills easy to learn and implement for everyone, every day. How To SEL, released in time to help address the very real possibility of a secondary social emotional trauma wave, offers desperately-needed SEL support to both children and adults who have been impacted by the pandemic and increased racial inequity. With an affordable entry point at $19.99 a month, this professionally-developed ‘how-to’ instructional video coaching, with engaging activities, and a live monthly Q&A with SEL experts, is intentionally designed to be accessible to all. All proceeds benefit Choose Love For Schools, a free SEL program for educators. Harvard University researchers have found that about two-thirds of children ages 7 to 15 had clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and depression, and the same number had behavioral problems such as hyperactivity and inattention, between November 2020 and January 2021. That is a huge jump from the 30% with anxiety and depression symptoms and the 20% with behavioral problems before the pandemic. \* Parents, caregivers, professionals and community advocates can learn how to easily incorporate SEL strategies into their daily lives at home, school, or even in the community. This one-of-a-kind coaching series delivers engaging professional coaching techniques with demonstrations of actual scenarios with children that anyone can quickly pick up and use in real life situations. Each month will feature a carefully-curated life skills theme and include a variety of different formats to accommodate different learning preferences and resources to reinforce the lessons. Each How To SEL monthly offering shares one mission – to teach HOW TO empower the whole child. Parents and teachers can now explain – and demonstrate – in a way that enables children to understand what is happening in their bodies and minds. Children will learn how to develop and nurture friendships, engage in successful social interactions, and build self-control, empathy and sound decision-making skills. Everyone who subscribes will receive a welcome kit containing two books – [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) by Caroline Maguire, and [*Nurturing Healing Love*](https://chooselovemovement.org/product/book-softcover-nurturing-healing-love/) by Scarlett Lewis – plus a Choose Love journal, a Spy Kit, and an assortment of merchandise for kids that coincide with the lessons. Additionally, subscribers receive a personalized online dashboard to access Caroline’s demonstration videos, a LIVE monthly Q&A where subscribers can interact with Caroline and Scarlett, plus additional resources for further topic exploration. Annual subscribers will receive a monthly pre-recorded master class with Scarlett Lewis plus leading health and wellness experts that focus on a parent or teacher’s mental health needs. “Coping with your emotions is an essential life skill, and we created a go-to resource that empowers every parent to cultivate this skill in their children on a daily basis,” said Maguire, co-founder of How To SEL, parenting expert and author. “Parents were always asking HOW to model and teach social and emotional character development to kids. We wanted to create an easy way for them to learn these transformative skills and strategies with others in their life, and be strengthened by them as well,” added Lewis, co-founder of How To SEL and the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement. Social emotional learning skills are a critical component of a fulfilling life. The benefits of SEL include greater success in school and stronger relationship bonds to peers, partners, and colleagues. SEL is proven to create increased happiness, self-esteem, and empathy; better academic performance; lower anxiety and depression; and improved immune systems. All proceeds from How To SEL will benefit the Choose Love Movement to help fulfill its mission to provide free SEL programs to schools, homes and communities. For more information, please visit [www.HowToSEL.com](http://www.howtosel.com). \*WSJ 4/9/21 \### ## **About Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC** Caroline earned her undergraduate degree at Trinity College and her Masters of Education and Early Childhood Development with a specialization in social emotional learning (SEL) at Lesley University. Caroline is the author of the award winning book, [*Why Will No One Play With Me*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)*?*, a playbook of foolproof scripts on social skills development. She is the founder of a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology for adults, parents, clinicians and academic professionals on how to cultivate emotional regulation, emotional intelligence, social-awareness and responsible decision-making skills. She is the founder and director of [The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/family-adhd/) training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) – the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). After several years as a highly respected social skills clinician at the Hallowell Center Boston MetroWest, Ms. Maguire formed her own private practice. She is a sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator on various topics related to social, emotional and behavioral learning. She is a permanent columnist on social skills in ATTitude Magazine, a favored contributor to U.S. News & World Report, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude, Attention Magazine and WebMD. Follow her @AuthorCarolineM. **About The Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement**™ Jesse Lewis, a six-year-old first grader, was a victim of the Sandy Hook tragedy whose action saved the lives of nine classmates. Jesse left behind a message on a household chalkboard, “Nurturing Healing Love,” that became the inspiration for his mother, Scarlett, to found the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement. [The Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement](http://www.jesselewischooselove.org/) is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization with a commitment to reach students, educators, and individuals, nationally and internationally, and provide them with a simple, yet profound formula for choosing love. The Choose Love Programs are comprehensive, no cost, lifespan, next-generation social and emotional learning and character development programs. They teach children and adults how to choose love in any circumstance and help them become connected, resilient, and empowered individuals. These skills, tools, and attitudes have been proven through decades of scientific research to be the best way to ensure a healthy, meaningful, and purpose-filled life. Its signature program, Choose Love For Schools™, is a no-cost infant/toddler through 12th grade curriculum that contains the simple universal teachings of courage, gratitude, forgiveness, and compassion-in-action – the foundational concepts of Social and Emotional Learning (SEL). Choose Love For Home™, Choose Love For Communities™, and Choose Love For Athletics™ are also available. For more information, please visit [www.ChooseLoveMovement.org](http://www.jesselewischooselove.org/). Also visit on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/JesseLewisChooseLove), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/jesselewislove) or [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/user/chooselovefoundation). **Contact:** Jan Wilmot Director of Marketing and PR Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement jan @ jesselewischooselove.org \###  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Social Emotional Learning --- ### [7 Ways to Help Your Kid's Rusty Social Skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/7-ways-to-help-your-kids-rusty-social-skills-now-that-the-pandemic-is-winding-down/) **Published:** May 5, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** No one can dismiss the impact rusty social skills has had on all of us, especially our children. Calling it a missed year is an understatement. How can we expect our child to assimilate into hybrid or in-person learning when they haven’t been practicing their social skills? What about the child who was shy, introverted or lonely before COVID? Will life be better or worse for them? One year of over-indulgence in screens and rusty social skills and now we are to sit back and expect life to be great for them? ## Social and Emotional Needs Must be Addressed Of course academics are critical. Yet we shortchange our children when we discount the importance of social connection. The American Academy of Pediatrics stated that kids need to return to in-person school this fall. They recognize the seriousness of COVID and the importance of physical safety, yet, they also recognized the essential value of emotional safety when evaluating overall school safety. Relationship with peers and adults are invaluable especially for preschool-age children who are learning how to share and play with other kids. Kids get a lot of value out of their personal interactions with other kids and it’s a key part of growing up at every age level. ## **7 Ways to Help Your Kid’s Rusty Social Skills** As with any other skill, if not practiced and used, social skills become rusty. Younger children need to play to build reciprocal relationships and teens need to “chill” together. Being with peers, trying things out, practicing, adapting and trying again is a key aspect of social learning. 1. **Play games –** Games are an incredibly useful and easy way to teach academic skills as well as social development opportunities. For younger children, model taking turns and how to handle losing. For older children, help them consider the feelings of others and talk about how to pick out a game someone else might like to play. 2. **Go on a hike –**Help children explore their inner thinking while exploring the outdoors. What do they hear? Taking the time to truly listen will improve their ability to pause and hear what others say. Build empathy skills by discussing their thoughts and feelings. Why are they feeling that way? What can they do to make it better? 3. **Reconnect with friends before school –** Many kids will have gotten both vaccines, so enjoying time with friends will be easier. A few play dates with friends your child knows, socially-distanced if required, will provide comfort to an anxious child. 4. **Read a book together –** Find a book about a social dilemma and discuss the story together. Why was the main character angry, or sad? What happened that made that character react in a bad way? 5. **Create a back-to-school plan with your child –** If Uncertainty can lead to anxiety. Prepare your child before the return to school on the expectations of masks, social distancing, lunch, recess etc might look like. Depending on the age of your child, a big change can cause some anxiety that they may not know how to manage. Ask them what their concerns are and what they are most looking forward to when the new school year begins. 6. **Create a visual calendar.** Help your child understand when he will be returning to school. Create a calendar with photos from last year showing the fun he had with teachers and classmates. Maybe there was a field trip or class party picture you can include to show how much fun was had at school. 7. **Empathize and validate feelings before trying to fix them.** It is so important for our children feel like they are being heard. There is a lot of pressure on them right now—the need to keep up with academics, fit in socially, and some may be even be working through their feelings and fear of losing a family member to COVID. Your child may not know they best way to express their worries. If she shows resistance to returning to school, acknowledge and empathize with her feelings before jumping in to reassure him that everything will be fine. ## Social Interactions are Critical at All Ages of Development. Taking part in just a few activities a week can really support their social growth and get them feeling more comfortable, and socially ready to join the classroom in-person this fall. For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*and [How to SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Social Skills Development --- ### [Why We Need Social Emotional Learning Now More Than Ever](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-we-need-social-emotional-learning-now-more-than-ever/) **Published:** May 12, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## The Importance of Character, Integrity and Happiness With the hope vaccines bring, we must now pull ourselves out from our cozy nests, pods and intimate social bubbles. We need to not only make new friends but also to repair what has been damaged during the pandemic. Most of us agree that it is more important for a child to develop good character, integrity, and find happiness than it is to get good grades, a good job, or to be accepted into a good college. Teachers agree and hold themselves accountable to guiding students to build confidence, help others and apply classroom learning outside the school. But parents need education and support to know how – how to help children learn social emotional skills. ## Connecting School to the Real World Students themselves want more social-emotional and service-learning opportunities in school. In a survey of students\* who chose to drop out of school, the leading reason was that they did not see the relevance of school to real life. Parents, teachers, and students are seeking opportunities to link learning to life. If anything has been learned from the pandemic it is that schools and homes need to prioritize such efforts. The next generation of parents and leaders must create a learning structure that includes knowledge, empathy, resilience, appreciation of diversity, and civic dispositions to innovate through times of crisis. ## Social Emotional Learning Today in Schools Fewer than 1 in 4 teachers report SEL is implemented in their school. The path forward is clear, states need SEL implementation on a programmatic, schoolwide and districtwide basis. In addition, both SEL and service learning must be integrated into workforce development systems in order to match our students to employers needs. ## Now is The Time for Reflection and Resetting The pandemic has changed the way we see the world, now and in the future. Our children will be dictating how society, economy and democracy evolves. The skills that are built today will be the ones employed and taught to the following generation. ## [How To SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/) provides the resources for full district-wide SEL implementation. ### [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) ### **Dive Deeper:** - \* [2005 Civic Study](https://docs.gatesfoundation.org/documents/thesilentepidemic3-06final.pdf) - “[Ready to Engage: Perspectives of Parents and Teachers on Social and Emotional Learning and Service-Learning in America’s Public Schools](http://bit.ly/ReadytoEngage).” - [Students Disrupted. One Year into the Pandemic ](https://news.gaggle.net/students-disrupted) [Read more about social skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tag/social-skills/)[How to really understand what’s going on in social settings](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/32-adhd-social-skills-how-to-read-room-increase-your/id1483365005?i=1000489264473)## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** COVID, family parent engagement, social skills --- ### [The 10 Must-Haves for Social Success](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-10-must-haves-for-social-success-according-to-an-expert/) **Published:** May 18, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** When socializing seems to come so easily to certain people, it can be particularly frustrating to be someone who struggles in social situations. Sometimes, it can feel like you‘re simply missing out on something that everyone else understands, or that you just can‘t get on the same page with other people. In these cases, it can be helpful to think about the social skills you have, and which ones you can work on, in order to catch up. [Caroline Maguire](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/) is a professional certified coach and the author of *Why Will No One Play With Me?,* a book about learning to make friends and thrive socially. Keep reading to learn all about the seven things she believes are critical for social success. ### 1. Managing Emotions The first social must-have is the ability to manage emotions, rather than have them manage you. It‘s about being able to process your emotions, and have perspective, and live a life where you‘re not constantly flooded by emotions and besieged by drama. Perspective helps you realize when something warrants a big reaction or needs to be processed so you can move on. The life of a girl is really complicated, and when girls have weak emotional regulation and struggle with this, it consumes them and derails them from their goals. It‘s not that it doesn‘t happen to boys too, but I think teen girls are often confronted by this need to regulate their emotions. Everyone knows that person who isn‘t able to cope with their emotions, or whose life is constantly haunted by their emotions, so my goal for young people is to learn strategies to manage their emotions so they can go in and take the test they‘ve studied for, and have social interactions where they can be proud of the way they reacted. – Caroline Maguire ### 2. Reading the Room Some people have a really hard time not only understanding what‘s going on in a situation and adapting their behavior for it, but also reading the mood and context of a situation. By understanding and scanning what‘s happening, they can start making choices about how they‘ll react and how they want to behave. When you don‘t read the room, you wind up constantly baffled by what‘s going on. That‘s really hard, because it puts you in a position where you‘re not really sure why everyone is constantly annoyed with you. That can affect self-esteem, and there‘s a lot to navigate in social situations in the teenage years, so reading the room is pretty essential in terms of the nuances of figuring out which friends you want to be with and who makes good choices. – Caroline Maguire ### 3. Meeting People Halfway We all have that friend, and somehow we‘re always at their restaurant, doing what they want. Meeting people halfway is about cooperation, but it‘s also this idea that when you‘re in a friendship, it should be reciprocal. You shouldn‘t always be doing favors. You shouldn‘t always have to bend. It‘s about setting boundaries. It can be a stereotype for girls. We‘re asked to adapt, rather than ask other people to adapt to us. Think about how people treat you, and how you actually want to be treated. – Caroline Maguire ### 4. Understanding Social Cues and Unspoken Rules This skill underlies everything else on the list, because everywhere we go, and in everything we do, there are these unspoken rules. It‘s important that people tune into the fact that social cues are really about reading the room. However, when you‘re feeling anxious, that can prevent you from tuning in, and when you can‘t hone that, you‘re not necessarily going to be able to navigate social situations as well. I‘ve been reading a lot of research about political skill, and the need not to be a politician, but to adapt your message in order to influence people. If you want to be a leader, you have to be able to read social cues in order to make that work. – Caroline Maguire ### 5. Walking in Someone Else‘s Shoes This is actually my favorite social skill, because we talk so much about empathy and kindness, but what exactly are they? Empathy is simply seeing from the perspective of another person and being able to walk in their shoes. It‘s thinking about other people and being able to react to them. It‘s also about having an understanding of what‘s going on with other people and their emotional lives. This is critical for all ages. It‘s the underlying skill you need in life. Empathy and kindness are often the piece that‘s missing, and for so many young women, there‘s just so much of this “me, me“ syndrome going on. They‘re asked to see other people‘s perspectives, while not seeing the same for them in return. All literature shows that if you can do that, then you can influence people and you can really be successful in life. – Caroline Maguire ### 6. Being Flexible and Adaptive This one can be tricky with young women because we don‘t want to send the antiquated message that they need to bend over backward for anyone. Still, to work cooperatively with others, you need to be able to adapt. We need to collaborate with people and be willing to hear the other side. It‘s not about always giving in, but working collaboratively. Working with others is a key skill at all stages of life. – Caroline Maguire ### 7. Knowing Your Audience We all communicate with all kinds of people every day, and we need to know who that person is, and what motivates them, and then adapt our message to that audience. We have to always look at who we‘re talking to in order to know what tone and what language we want to use. That‘s an invaluable life skill. – Caroline Maguire ### 8. Honing Your Skills Start by looking at which of these skills are hardest for you and which ones you‘ve been given feedback about. Sit down and think about systemic struggles you have, or things that folks have said. Where do they trace back to? The most important thing to remember is that nobody can change everything about themselves. It‘s just impossible. If you look at the list and realize you need to work on three of the seven skills, that doesn‘t matter. Instead, pick one, because if you pick more than one, you‘re going to get mired in the cycle. My biggest tip is every time you enter a doorway, you should focus on tuning in. Use that as a trigger to remember to work on reading the room, or reading social skills. You have to have a cue because you can‘t go around working on things every minute of every day. – Caroline Maguire ### 9. Setting Healthy Boundaries The key with boundaries is figuring out what‘s good for you and what you‘re okay with. You‘re putting your self-interest first and thinking about what you‘re responsible for, and understanding when someone is taking advantage of you. It‘s knowing the difference between what a good friend would do, and what a pushover would do. It‘s helpful to look at other folks and to have a role model who you think sets good boundaries. That‘s a key element for anyone who‘s maturing. – Caroline Maguire ### 10. Tuning in One of the things I emphasize is that context, mood and energy are so important. The vibes we pick up are intangible. I recommend picking some people in your life—your teachers, your boss, your coach—and looking at the social signs and signals they put into the world. What do those signs say? Are they frustrated, or happy, or growing annoyed with you? Then make a mental catalog of them. When you next walk through a door into a new situation, notice those physical signs and signals, or words. It‘s all very subtle, but they cue you in to the mood, and the context, and the situation. It‘s also important to remember that everyone is working on something. Our brains can make things really difficult for us sometimes, even when they should be easy, but we‘ll all be better off if we can be mindful that everyone is working on trying to improve themselves. – Caroline Maguire ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)[**adults with adhd social skills training how to get along with everyone**]() starts december 7th[**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) [Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, SEL, Social Emotional Learning, Workplace --- ### [Is Your Kid A Hot Mess? 10 Ways to Help Keep Their Emotions In Check So You Get A Little Peace](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/is-your-kid-a-hot-mess-10-ways-to-help-keep-their-emotions-in-check-so-you-get-a-little-peace/) **Published:** June 2, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As we turn the corner from the height of the pandemic and into summer, many parents are struggling with concerns about their child’s emotional state. Carrying a 500 pound backpack, seeing people they had forgotten, realizing new relationships have formed during hybrid or shut down schooling or even just trying to use social skills they have not used in a while can be tough. Not to mention all the struggles that go into childhood and being a teenager. As you hear the stories of other kids who seemed to have climb Mount Everest during the pandemic while getting straight A’s, you might feel very alone. But fear not, many kids are a mess right now. And your kid struggling does not mean she will struggle forever. ## **Your kid is a hot mess right now.** At the end of this school year, so many kids and teenagers are bombarded with demands and the feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out). If your kid seems unmotivated, it’s because they probably are. Perhaps some students have surfaced energized, but for the majority, going back to school is about connecting again. Low energy combined with stress may create an environment where they come home snarky and grumpy. Don’t despair, they might just need a little support to guide them out of this “Hot Mess”. ## **10 Strategies to Keep Kids’ Emotions in Check:** ### 1. Truly Listen Don’t apply pressure nor assume you know the reasons for your child’s behavior. Don’t jump in with advice. Imagine a world in which your boss or partner constantly told you “*the reason you are a mess is because you don’t plan ahead*.” It would not be well received. Getting your child to feel comfortable talking to you requires waiting, listening, and showing confidence that they have the capacity to learn and grow. If you push your agenda, you will likely get nowhere. By truly hearing your child’s perspective, you allow her to hold a mirror up to her views about friendship and to evaluate them. This takes time, but it will deliver better results. ### 2. Give Your Kid Space Everything does not have to be solved in the moment. Allow your teen to walk away. If they won’t take the time and space to use strategies to manage their emotions, then you will need to breath deeply and give yourself space. ### 3. Don’t Interrogate Make the conversations short and allow them to answer one or two questions. Paraphrasing what your child says and then repeating it back to him shows empathy and helps clarify your child’s concerns. For example, she might declare, “*You always want so much from me and you don’t get how hard school is now*.” Reflect back: “*What I hear you saying is school is much harder than when I went and you feel like everyone wants so much from you.*” By summarizing and repeating his statements, you allow your child to clarify, share more information, and to tell his interpretation of the statement. This curiosity invites him to be comfortable opening up to you. ### 4. Check in on sleep, nutrition Sleep, nutrition other factors that contribute to the meltdown. No one does as well when they can’t sleep. ### 5. Create a plan for when they are stressed In the heat of the moment or when your teenager is in fight, flight or freeze mode, it’s very hard for them to problem solve. Don’t judge them when they are in this aroused state. Reflect back your child’s emotional state by saying, “I notice you’re stressed right now.” When they are in a more relaxed state, work with them to create a routine and strategies they can enact to manage their heightened emotions. ### 6. Offer help, not advice You probably recognize the cycles that lead your teen to become stressed such as searching for shoes and lunch just before the bus comes. You probably also recognize that your advice is rejected. My advice is to help find the shoes during the moments of panic and when your kid is calm, broach solutions. Start by saying, “I notice this time of year is hard and you seem stressed, what can I do to help? How can we could work together to help you feel better and get some things running smoothly?” ### 7. Sneak calming strategies Calming strategies are often rejected by kids, especially older kids. But they may incorporate your strategies if they are not too obvious. Warm blankets, a zen time to think and listen to music, low lights, soothing voices, etc. help distract the thalamus can be built into the fabric of life. No one needs to hear, “Boy, you are a hot mess – use my strategies.” ### 8. Support time and space When you notice that your child is anxious or spiraling, support their desire to go for a run or listen to music by washing their clothes or packing their soccer bag. Help them manage their emotions rather than continuing the spiral of tears, meltdowns and drama. ### 9. Create a pattern interrupt Use action-oriented emotional coping strategies in class and at home with children of any age. A pattern interrupt can shift the cycle rather than allowing your kid to spin into distress. Doing jumping jacks, shaking arms, dancing, running around the room, walking up and down the stairs, getting into nature, and touching toes help shift the internal chemistry to allow for us to manage emotions. Exercise has been shown to reduce cortisol and adrenaline levels and to increase dopamine levels and release endorphins. ### 10. Name it to tame it Prompt your kid to pinpoint their emotions and check in with themselves. Ask her to determine how intense these emotions feel, and then have a plan and pick strategies ahead of time to use when her reaction has reached a 7, 8, 9 or 10. Stop the runaway cycle early and regain control so the thinking brain can resume. Be sure to set reasonable expectations: don’t push too much fun over school work or visa versa. Balance is the key as we return to in person society. More importantly than academic success, your support will help you kid feel safe, comfortable and secure – the key ingredients to a happy future. ## DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*and [How to SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/) ## Deeper Dive [7 Ways to Help Your Kid’s Rusty Social Skills Now That the Pandemic Is Winding Down](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/7-ways-to-help-your-kids-rusty-social-skills-now-that-the-pandemic-is-winding-down/) [Empathy During COVID](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpnp_68Wwi0) ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)[**adults with adhd social skills training how to get along with everyone**]() starts december 7th[**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) [Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** COVID, social skills, social skills in kids --- ### [Want Less Stress with Your Socially Challenged Teen? Learn To See the Little Wins](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/want-less-stress-with-your-socially-challenged-teen-learn-to-see-the-little-wins/) **Published:** June 8, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Help your Socially Challenged Teen As parents of a socially challenged teen, we often look for big change and big wins. We want to hear that our teenager is “getting it” and that they are really willing to change, however, to help your socially challenged teen, recognize and appreciate that change happens with little wins, little shifts and small successes. The road to change is not paved with momentous events as in a hallmark movie and waiting for these events will only result in disappointment. For example, if your teen is working on flexibility, they might not display frequent, regular flexibility. Instead, they might adopt small wins around flexibility, such as changing where they sit. If they do it 3 times – it’s a small win! ## **For the Teen Who has Social Skills Challenges, Encouragement is the Key** Help your socially challenged teen by noting and celebrating milestones or small wins. For example, when your teen overcomes their fear and invites a friend over, you can say, “You put yourself on the field, you caught the ball, you tried harder at something that’s hard for you. Those are three things to celebrate.” To help you empathize with your teen, recall something that was hard for you. How hard was it to make progress and earn small wins? How about when only one wall was painted and there were three more to finish. Or when you started running and a half mile was so painful but eventually you worked up to a mile, then two then three? Being a teenager is so hard, and part of that journey is learning how to communicate, self-advocate, and get along with people. This is no simple task. The more we see the little wins, the more likely we will hit the big ones. ## 5 Social Behaviors That Indicate Small Wins: 1. ### **Nodding or a Shrugging** When your teen hesitates to respond or if you are broaching a tough topic, they may simply shrug or nod. Recognize that a shrug is actually an answer and that they are communicating with you. Being tongue tied or not being able to express thoughts via words can make parents think our teen does not hear us or is ignoring us. Don’t forget to look for the small wins and be sure to keep communication open – the better we partner, the more our child will want to communicate with us. Looking for help on how to broach tough topics? Check out my video, [Starting the Coaching Conversation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/courses-store/) 2. ### **Recognizing Social Cues** As your child’s coach, your goal is to help your child understand the unspoken rules of social behavior, learn how to watch for cues from other people, and work on adjusting their behavior. When you ask and listen to your teen, you learn about their experiences. Cheer the small successes as the stepping stones to bigger ones. Work with your child to develop the game plan – the playbook – and the overarching goal: for your child to make friends more easily and “go along and get along” with others. 3. ### **Self-Discovery** An *aha* is simply a moment of self-discovery. We’ve all had epiphanies in our lives. No one can have an *aha* for someone else; it’s an inside job. Recognize that every *aha* is progress – a small win. Their *aha* will look different than your *aha*, and that is OK. Don’t correct or lecture them on how they *should* be because this will shut down the conversation, their process of reflection, and the opening for the next *aha*. Even the smallest *aha* is a bold expression of your teen’s executive function bringing a picture into focus. Executive function connects the dots, and every *aha* is a dot in the picture. Whether your child is five years old or fifteen, she’s going to have these realizations when she’s ready, developmentally and emotionally. Coaching isn’t about ordering up the *aha* or telling your child what it should be. Coaching creates the space and time for her to discover this insight herself, which is the most powerful source of learning a child can have. 4. ### **Trying** Very few people if any move from trying to full on change. There are stages of change and the first starts with the awareness of one’s role and struggles in the social world. This awareness and noticing her own behavior. So if your child begins to express greater self awareness and seems willing to change- that is a win !! 5. ### **Practice** When we talk about the social behaviors that everyone needs to have, we’re referring to more than isolated performances of a skill. We’re talking about habits of “being”. In The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, author Charles Duhigg suggests that a habit takes 18 to 254 days or an average of 66 days to develop. Science tells us that the longer we hold on to perceptions and habits of thought, the more deeply imbedded they become. The brain’s circuitry— the networks of neurons and the paths they create—becomes stronger with use and weaker with less use. The brain actively prunes away the lesser used connections in favor of the more heavily used ones. In this way, your child’s story about his behavior becomes the self-talk, the inner voice that encourages or discourages him. Studies also show that in the brain, negative self- perception intensifies our reaction to negative thoughts and experiences and weakens the impact of positive ones. That’s how self-talk becomes a self- fulfilling prophecy: I just don’t fit in. I’m too stupid. I don’t . . . I’m not . . . I’ ll never. It becomes harder and harder to dig out of that self-talk rut and the behaviors that only dig the rut deeper. For that reason, the sooner we address these stories that hold children back, the less entrenched those narratives are and the sooner we can help our kids change the story and the self-talk. Step-by-step, with incremental successes—small wins—your child builds the skills and strengthens the brain’s circuitry for positive social behavior. Work with your teen to practice making chit chat, reaching out to others, making eye contact, holding back in a group chat or trying new things, takes time to become a habit. Partner with your teen to help him develop socially. Don’t pressure or rush the learning process. Most of all, show confidence in your child’s capacity to learn and grow. ### Deeper Dive ### [Video: Starting the Coaching Conversation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/courses-store/) Are you looking for help on how to broach tough topics? This video is a real-world conversation so parents can hear what a coaching conversation sounds like and how the conversation brings to light the child’s realizations and also helps the parent understand their perspective and the stories that get in the way of the child moving forward. As featured in *Why Will No One Play With Me?* these stories are essential for your child to address in order to understand the social world and move forward. ### DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*and [How to SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/) ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)[**adults with adhd social skills training how to get along with everyone**]() starts december 7th[**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) [Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** social skills, Teens --- ### [My Child is Hiding From Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-child-is-hiding-from-friends/) **Published:** June 15, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** **Q:** “My daughter seems to be sad and anxious. She is missing the bus on purpose, claiming to be ill and even asking to be homeschooled. I think she may be hiding from friends. But when I ask her she says she is fine. What do I do?” **A:** I have heard this from many parents. This is an unfortunate fallout from the pandemic. Not everyone is excited to return to “normal”. Shy kids before the pandemic may have sunk further into their own bubbles. ## How to Work with Your Child to Find Out What is Really Going On - **Stay in the Conversation** It’s easy to be rebuffed by your child and then give up. By surrendering the conversation, you are leaving your child without critical guidance. Start by finding a consistent time or a positive place to talk. Break up the routine. Spend time with your child one-on-one without siblings, and give your child the space to hear that you care and that you are worried. The time together will help your child feel comfortable opening up to you. - **Empathize** Information is power. Often as parents, it is difficult not to react to what your child says. We’ve all launched right into blame, punishment, advice and, then the, “I told you so.” No matter what your child says — he skipped school, is avoiding lunch, or he broke the coffee table — let go of the desire to jump in and react. Take a moment to breathe, and then, listen. The larger goal is to gain your child’s trust and is more important than any minor rule infraction. Taking a moment to step back will help your child know that he can always feel comfortable coming to you. - **Reflect, Clarify and be Curious** Paraphrasing what your child says and then repeating it back to him, shows empathy and helps you clarify your child’s concerns. For example, he might declare that he believes that, “people should invite me to play—I shouldn’t have to approach them.” “Reflect” this statement back to him — “What I hear you are saying is that you won’t approach anyone; they must come to you.” By summarizing and repeating his statements, you allow your child to clarify, share more information, and to tell his interpretation of the statement. By being curious and trying to understand his perspective you invite him to be comfortable opening up to you. - **Don’t Impose Your Goals** Ask your child questions and listen. Do not assume you know the reasons for your child’s behavior. Do not apply pressure and impose your own goals and agenda on the situation. Getting your child to feel comfortable talking to you is about hearing and waiting and showing confidence that your child has the capacity to learn and grow. - **Partner and Problem Solve** Like any of us, children share more when they feel heard and understood. They can put their guard down, engage more readily in the coaching process, commit to developing their social skills, and invest in their success. When you allow for more of a two-way conversation, your child will be more comfortable opening up. Having a calm, open conversation in the heat of the moment allows your child to know that in the future, he can count on you as a partner rather than a judge. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)[**adults with adhd social skills training how to get along with everyone**]() starts december 7th[**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) [Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** Lonely, making friends, tough conversations --- ### [Why Is My Child So Rude All The Time?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-is-my-kid-so-rude-all-the-time/) **Published:** June 29, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Not again! Your child interrupts others, abruptly walks away, refuses to look you in the eye and stays on her phone during family social events – rolling her eyes when an older relative rebukes her. He tells his friends that he wasn’t picked for the coveted swim team because they are mean and he wouldn’t join even if invited. Do you ask yourself, “*Why is my child so rude all the time?* ## **Do you Worry That Your Child is Rude?** Are you feeling embarrassed, baffled, and uncertain why your child is more rude than their siblings and friends? Do you wonder how she doesn’t seem to understand how she presents to others? Will he alienate friends, bosses, and their spouse? You’ve tried to explain – possibly even lecture at times – but to no avail. ## **Reasons Your Child May Be Considered Rude** Some children don’t mean to present as rude, but they lack the communication skills and the understanding of how they present. Some children and teenagers with weak executive function skills often can’t read the social nuances of body language, facial expressions, mo Exc 5b88538c03ce646762f939b2od, or tone of voice. This challenge often results in off-putting comments or tones that can create unhealthy dynamics. Often as parents we feel shame when our child presents as rude. But remember that your child wants to do well and has so many good qualities. By partnering with your child and helping her learn how to shift her communication and read other people, you give her a gift that lasts a lifetime. ## **How to Help a Child Build Social Skills** #### **Guide Don’t Preach** No one can remain attentive when lectured to. Dictating that they must be thoughtful and caring may have the opposite effect. Instead, guide your child to consider another’s situation or point of view. Use open questions and collaboratively reflect on other’s state of mind. By asking open-ended questions, you encourage honest, candid, and thoughtful discussions. Open-ended questions use the words who, what, when, where, and how. Here are some conversation starters: “*What could he be feeling?* *How are you doing? What makes \_\_\_\_\_\_ appealing?* *I have noticed that sometimes you have a hard time with (identify a behavior). What makes (name the behavior) hard for you?”* #### **Help Identify Rude Tone** Some children who struggle with social skills do not hear – or interpret – their own tone. They do not realize that the way they are communicating can be off-putting or rude. When both of you are calm and in good humor – so as not to cause overreaction – collaborate on how one can tune into tone. Ask, “*Has you experienced a rude tone in others? What did it sound like? How did it make you feel?”* Share a time when you have found yourself struggling with tone and then ask your child if there are times she struggles. #### **Step into Someone Else’s Shoes** Perhaps it was your child who acted insensitively to Grandma. Collaboratively talk about your child’s behavior and ask him to interpret how his behavior might have made Grandma feel. “*How do you think she feels when you correct her? What did you mean to do?”* Lead by example as you try to understand the perspective of others. Model holding back sharp comments and filtering your social media retorts. When you witness a situation in which someone is involved in an emotional experience, appropriately and respectfully talk to your child about another person’s experience. This may be during or after the incident, but consider questions like, “*What do you think is going on in your friend’s life? What did you notice about her reaction to the situation?”* #### **WIFM- What’s in it For Me?** You may want your child to change but she may not think there is a problem. Rather than pushing your agenda, try to help her become more self-reflective and to consider what is in it for her. Link these discussions to her goals. Motivation to change is a key element here, and your goals are not her goals. As coaches, we shepherd and guiding our children to learn how the social world works. Perhaps she is going into animation, she will therefore need to work on a team. Open questions and short, brief conversations can help your child consider what people skills she will need. Ask her, “*What it do you think it will be like? What skills will you need? How well are you now in working with teams? What will you need to do to work with a team?”* #### **Reflect on the Rules of the Social World** The concept of Social Spy is designed to learn how to manage concerns around social skills and social and emotional development. Go into a virtual or public event with a mission to be a social spy to obtain specific social information. Rehearse ahead of time in order to watch other people in a subtle, covert way and to listen without looking like you are eavesdropping. The idea is to scan and read the room to learn crucial information about peers such as how they dress, what they talk about as well as how to observe and notice other people’s behavior, mood and energy. Distance yourself and just reflect, for example,“*What did you notice about her reaction to the situation? What does fitting in mean?”* #### Deeper Dive ## [Video: Starting the Coaching Conversation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/courses-store/) Are you looking for help on how to broach tough topics with a rude child? This video is a real-world conversation so parents can hear what a coaching conversation sounds like and how the conversation brings to light the child’s realizations and also helps the parent understand their perspective and the stories that get in the way of the child moving forward. As featured in *Why Will No One Play With Me?* these stories are essential for your child to address in order to understand the social world and move forward. ### DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*and [How to SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Rude, social skills, social skills in kids --- ### [The One Teacher That Made a Difference](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-one-teacher-that-made-a-difference/) **Published:** July 7, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Kids will have so many different teachers throughout their young academic years — all with different teaching styles and different ways they relate to each child. Some will be in their first years of teaching, while others approach retirement. Some will be great, some good, and some bad. But it’s that ONE teacher we will remember.. and sadly, they probably don’t even known it. ## If Your Child or Teen has Learning Differences, the Teacher Can Really Matter A teacher can single-handedly change how a kid feels about school. They can give your unique learner a chance to believe in themselves, which will help them build confidence and the drive to keep trying. It’s really just having someone in their court that’s willing to push through the tough times to prove there are brighter days ahead. Keep in mind, there are years when the teacher may not be a good fit or even a disaster. I remember those years too. I remember the teachers who did not get me, but it was the few who did who made all the difference. ## My journey as I look back In the fall of my senior year of high school, I was in French 5. Let me tell you, it was not pretty. As a dyslexic, I could never remember to put accents in the right place and my spelling was — well pretty bad. This was the 1990’s, and I was told that despite my good grades that if I opted out of foreign languages, I would not get into the college of my choice. How could one French class keep me from my dream school? I thought I was doomed. I may not have been a great speller, but by the time I got to high school, I had learned not to give up! I went to my teacher, Madame Ruggles, and told her — I had to get a B — according to my college counselor. ## The Teacher Who Made the Difference in My Life Without batting an eye, Madame Ruggles began to meet with me every day during school. She knew I was trying so hard, but my results did not turn out the way I had hoped. I still have dreams that I fail every test and do not get that B because it was such an uphill battle. I had this sense that she was pulling for me. Madame, like so many language teachers, insisted we speak “en Français”. That was all right with me because it was the writing that I found so difficult. So over time, I was able to show what I knew by speaking the answers as opposed to writing them. It was a struggle, but I got my B — and then promptly dropped French in college. I struggled partly to be like everyone else. I think Madame knew I was in fact not like everyone else. And she seemed to convey in a few words that this too would pass and that in life I would be able to use my talents not my weaknesses. I recently found out that Madame Ruggles passed away. After retirements, she had moved to my town. So all this time, if I had only known, I could have gone to visit her. If I had, I would have said, “Madame, merci”. ### Teachers Who Believe in Us Parents are often frustrated by many of the negative academic experiences their child has, and I completely understand. But remember, it is the few teachers who really believe in us — who help the unique learner like me reach our destination, and those are the one that will be remembered forever. ### DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*and [How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators **Tags:** elementary school, teaching --- ### [How to Improve Social Skills in a Teen Who is Gifted or has Learning Differences](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/improve-social-skills-in-a-child-with-learning-differences/) **Published:** July 13, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## My Child is Lonely **Q:** *How can I improve social skills in a child who is gifted or has learning differences?* *I try to help my child make new friends, but she will not listen. She clings onto friends who don’t treat her well. It is so difficult to watch – again – the same mistakes that ultimately leave her in pain! When I manage the courage to discuss it, she screams, “I AM Fine, Thank you Very Much!” or “I’m OK! I don’t want to talk about it!” How can I improve social skills in my teen?* ## Unfortunately, everything is not “OK” ***A:** Social isolation is excruciating! You know that despite his claims that he has plenty of friends – he doesn’t have the kind of positive friendships we want for our kids.* ## Spontaneous social interactions have been disrupted This loss of social engagement may have impacted your child’s ability to learn and practice social skills naturally. Asking her to “reach out” may seem like a simple suggestion, but she may resist due to all the steps and time required to coordinate the invitation. It may also be that she has a thin social network and fears rejection. ## Those with the greatest needs – children and teens with ADHD or 2e – have fewer opportunities to socialize Usually those with the greatest needs – children and teens with ADHD or 2e – lack the social skills, maturity, executive functioning skills and self-awareness to makes friends and therefore have fewer opportunities to socialize. This social isolation produces a more negative impact than in their neurotypical peers. ## **5 Ways to Help Your Child Manage Social Relationships:** 1. **Evaluate friendships** – Help your child evaluate what makes an attractive friend and which steps are required to make and keep friends. Don’t single out a friend. Instead help your tween or teen recognize the steps necessary to connect. This will allow her to examine friendships in general. After all, even if that one friend is removed from the equation, the problem still remains. 2. **Explore the value of friendships** – Unless the friendship is a dangerous one, take a conversational approach by asking him about his friends without judgment or harsh restrictions. Ask open-ended questions, such as “What do you enjoy doing with your friend?” “What do you like about him or her?” We want children to develop lifelong positive beliefs about how they should be treated and to choose positive friends who make positive choices. 3. **Empathize** – Information is power, so regardless of what your child says, take a moment to breathe and listen. The larger goal is to gain your child’s trust, which is more important than any minor rule infraction. Help your child know that she can always feel comfortable coming to you, no matter what social problems she’s encountering, now or in the future. 4. **Don’t impose your goals** – Ask and listen, don’t apply pressure nor assume you know the reasons for your child’s behavior. Getting your child to feel comfortable talking to you requires waiting, listening, and showing confidence that they have the capacity to learn and grow. If you try to push your agenda, you will likely get nowhere. By truly hearing your child’s perspective, you allow her to hold a mirror up to her views about friendship and evaluate them. This takes time, but it will have better results. 5. **Reflect, clarify and be curious** – Paraphrasing what your child says and then repeating it back to him shows empathy and helps clarify your child’s concerns. By summarizing and repeating his statements, you allow your child to clarify, share more information, and to tell his interpretation of the statement. This curiosity invites him to be comfortable opening up to you. ## Good social skills are essential for effective communication, but they don’t come easily. The good news is that social skills, just like other skills, can be developed. First help your child identify the reasons why they want to improve, and then practice and practice. ## Deeper Dive: ### [My Child Can’t Make Friends & Keep Them – What is Wrong With Her?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-4-my-child-cant-make-friends-amp-keep-them-what-is-wrong-with-her/) ### [7 Ways to Help Your Kid’s Rusty Social Skills Now That the Pandemic Is Winding Down](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/7-ways-to-help-your-kids-rusty-social-skills-now-that-the-pandemic-is-winding-down/) ## **2 Upcoming, Relatable Summits** ### **[SENG](https://www.sengifted.org/events/seng-online-2021-annual-conference)** -July 23 -25, 2021 – Virtual conference for gifted, talented and 2e community! ### [**ADHD Parents’ Palooza**](https://fn101.isrefer.com/go/parents21/cmpolo123) – July 26 – 28, 2021, designed to educate, guide, and inspire parents of kids with ADHD all over the world. ## DO This At Home! For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*and [How to SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families **Tags:** ADHD, Gifted, Neurodiverse, social skills --- ### [Social Skills Win the Interview](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-win-the-interview/) **Published:** July 19, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You thought that your background and experience should get you the job, right? Yes, and no. They are only part of the equation. Of course your skills, knowledge and expertise are important, however, they don’t tell your whole story. This may seem unfair. You’d like to believe that when you’re interviewing for a job, all that counts is your background and experience. Yes, the interviewer and hiring manager care about your skills, responsibilities, expertise and knowledge, however, social skills can win the interview. ## Adopt a Sports Mentality Interviewing can be stressful, intimidating and uncomfortable. You may want this position desperately and fear that your eagerness may get in the way of successfully highlighting your accomplishments. You may find yourself across the table from a tough adversary, so a sports mindset shift may be in order. ## **How is Your Attitude?** A bad attitude can keep you from getting the job, regardless of your qualifications. Temperament, communication style, social and interpersonal skills are crucially important. Is there a possibility you may alienate other staff members? Will you be accepting of feedback? Will you be hard to work with and difficult to coach? You may have lost your job and are understandably angry, even bitter. It may have not been your fault, but it is paramount that you don’t let these feelings show. The hiring manager doesn’t know you or your former boss. Negative, disparaging comments will surely turn her off. Don’t let this red flag wave; instead, come across as a positive, collaborative winner. ## 7 Social Skills that Win the Interview Getting the job done is what a manager is looking for. If you present yourself, even inadvertently, as disinterested or non-motivated, you won’t get the job. Energy, positivity, intelligence, drive and enthusiasm is what they are looking for. Wouldn’t you? 1. ## **Sell Yourself** Do your homework in advance. What is the company’s products and mission? If you prepare, you will come across as interested in the opportunity. You should also learn how to make a good case for yourself. Yes, the resume and education are important, but they want to interview YOU. If only the resume was important, why would they invite you in? You want to come across as someone who will make their job easier, not harder. 2. ## **Look the Part** The attire you select should fit the job and the company’s guidelines. Even if the interview is via a video call, you still need to look the part. When in doubt, dress a step above the role. 3. ## Your Environment If you’re on a video call, check the lighting to make sure you are well-lit. Make sure the internet connection works, the sound quality is sharp and the background is tidy. 4. ## Voice and Tone Your voice is an important element of who you are – use it to your advantage. Are you speaking clearly and confidently? Are you concise, yet offering more than a one or two word answer? Avoid meandering and going off on tangents. Have a tight narrative. ([download How to Tell a Tight Story](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tighter-story/)). 5. ## Emotions This is an exciting opportunity. Show your interviewer enthusiasm and excitement. Be genuine and authentic. Let them see the real you. The more the interviewer feels like they know you, the closer you will be to receiving an offer. Smile warmly, sprinkle positive action words into the conversation, lean forward, and look engaged. 6. ## Open-Ended Questions, Repeat and Reframe Open-ended questions work in your favor. They help to involve the interviewer and get her talking. This isn’t a one-sided interview. Getting others to talk freely is an important social emotional skill. Be genuinely interested, focus intently on the interviewer and repeat or reframe the dialog to show that you’re engaged. This also ensures that you are on the same page with the interviewer. Ask questions when they come up, don’t wait until the end of the meeting. Use their name in the conversation, it’s an interesting hack that gets them involved with the conversation. 7. ## Body Language Your body language speaks volumes. To help you look engaged, assertive, confident, in control and desirable look directly into the lens or into your interviewer’s eyes. Smile, keep your posture strong, your shoulders back, your and head held high. Demonstrate you are paying attention by nodding your head in agreement and avoid squirming in your seat or allowing your eyes to wonder or roll. You want to convey warmth, openness, and friendliness. ## Good Social Skills Get the Job Social Skills can win the interview. They are critical to getting the hiring manager to warm up to you. Look at the hiring process from the employer’s perspective. Would you want to hire the likeable, warm candidate that may need some coaching over the arrogant or unfriendly candidate that has more experience? Deeper Dive: [Collaborating Virtually](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-support-in-a-virtual-world/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Workplace **Tags:** social skills in adults --- ### [Social Emotional Challenges of Gifted / Learning Differences Children and Adults](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-challenges-of-gifted-ld-children-and-adults/) **Published:** July 20, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It is common for people with learning differences to experience powerful strengths but also social emotional challenges. Added social emotional challenges may affect gifted children with learning differences (also known as 2e or twice-exceptional i.e. they possess characteristics of both giftedness and learning differences ) because they are often confused and frustrated by the disconnect; how they can excel in certain areas and yet flounder in others. This frustration can manifest in difficulties connecting to peers. Social skills and the ability to read social cues are often the culprit. Twice-exceptional (2e) people often struggle with perceptions of being different and feeling isolated. Social skills come easily to some children: how to connect with peers, make conversation, join a group and read the room. For others, despite being gifted in some areas, they struggle to connect and are not sure how to make friends. But this can all change. The more we work with our child, the better we can help them use their unique brain wiring to connect and thrive. ## How to Address the Social Emotional Challenges of Gifted Children and Adults In my book *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* I emphasize the need to highlight strengths and interests in order to increase passion, self-esteem, cooperation and collaboration when addressing challenges. I recommend that the whole-child be considered rather than specific weaknesses. This approach considers not only academics, but the also the social and emotional needs. ## 8 Strategies to Help Gifted / Learning Differences Children and Adults Socialize ### 1. **Identify strengths and weaknesses** – The better we understand who we are and where we excel and where we falter, the better able we are to prepare for our future. This self-understanding goes a long way toward building self-acceptance. ### 2. **Encouragement** – Positive reinforcement goes a long way toward building confidence and a willingness to collaborate and excel. Keep the encouragement realistic by working together to set achievable goals, work within their limitations, and celebrate their genuine accomplishments. ### 3. **Self-Regulation** – Coping strategies to help ease frustration are critical to help overcome the desire to quit when tasks or situations become too challenging. ### 4. **Counseling, if needed** – Counseling, particularly in a group setting, may be beneficial, especially if the child or adult can speak with others who are experiencing the similar difficulties and frustrations. ### 5. **Consider the Whole-Person** – Remind yourself that twice-exceptional people are not just a label. They have individual needs and gifts. Encourage and positively reinforce their efforts, especially on challenging tasks. ### 6. **Support the social and emotional needs** – Provide support in establishing and maintaining social relationships by encouraging positive social interactions with peers. Increase opportunities to act in leadership roles, especially in areas in which they excel. ### 7. **Emphasizing potential** – Support students who are gifted with learning differences with future goals and career planning. Make sure that students are aware of their potential and do not sell themselves short. ### 8. **Mentorship** – Find another peer, either adult or child, who is also gifted and may have already walked this road or can provide the kind of heartfelt advice that your child needs. This relationship can lend advice, encouragement and a chance to compare and commiserate, especially in times of frustration. Many who are twice-exceptional struggle with understanding and demonstrating the social skills needed to maintain positive peer relationships. To address this struggle, we must first acknowledge – and then help them to understand – their individual gifts and needs. This understanding will help them better prepare for their future. By providing support that targets the whole person, we have the opportunity to tap the full potential of gifted people with learning disabilities.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Gifted, Neurodiverse --- ### [My Child is Lonely, What Should I Do?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-child-is-lonely-what-should-i-do/) **Published:** July 27, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Questions involving lonely children and teens have been coming up a lot recently. Parents are struggling with the pain associated with loneliness – parents of all ages and circumstances. ## Q: What Can I do if My Child is Lonely? If you notice a pattern, i.e. your child’s friends aren’t talking to her, help her figure out the reasons why. Don’t tell, but rather ask, “How come?” If your child is coming to you and saying they are being left out – that is so much easier than the child who denies he has a problem. If your child approaches you and claims, “I wish I could have more friends,” then you now have a critical role in this dialog. Ask yourself questions first. Are they at the age that you can help them orchestrate some sort of social life? If yes, help them to reach out more or be the host family. Reaching out feels hard to some kids due to rejection. Others feel people should come to them. Try [Social Spy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-spy/) to see what other kids do. Do they wait, do their mother’s arrange or do they reach out to others on their own? ## Q: What if I Know My Child is Lonely but He Won’t Admit It? “I’m fine, I don”t need a ton of friends” You watch your child being treated badly by others and because they are desperate, they allow it to happen. Your child or teen may be pretending to have friends, but really doesn’t have many. When you inquire, you are encountered by resistance, deflection or denial. Start by asking questions and holding back your opinions. The more you use open questions and repeat back, the more information you will get. Some kids really need infrastructure. **Ask Questions** – Using open questions and having a collaborative conversation allows your child to be more self-reflective and builds his self-awareness muscle. Talk about what makes a good friend. Ask, “Who do you sit with?” “Who do you like?” Read more [social / friend questions](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-engage-socially/) **Avoid Shaming** – Be careful not to shame your child as some kids have a sort of bravado because they feel kids are supposed to have lots of friends. This year has been hard on everyone, re-entering life after Covid may be a great excuse to explore with your child, “Who do you want to be friends with?” Ask him, “What do you enjoy about certain friends?” The more you ask questions in short light conversations, and explore friendship and connection – the more your child can open up to you. **Review Infrastructure** – Try to partner with your child to see if they have places where they are able to interact and build relationships with kindred spirits – people who share their experiences. Don’t ban friends or virtual experiences, yet, everyone needs balance. To connect and make friends, it helps to have shared experiences. This allows you to adapt, explore and build the relationship. Without banning virtual activities, see where your child or teen is spending too much time. Do your best to limit screen interaction and try to insert real, live people into their day. Some kids make plans easily but in a post Covid world, many kids may need help to reach out more. If you can’t seem to get anywhere, consider going to school, coaches, siblings to gain intel. Also, share your history to help your teen open up. ## Should I Set up Mandatory Socialization? This is tricky. The answer is yes and no – it depends. Nobody likes to be told what to do. If during an open, collaborative conversation, your child says, ” I would love it if you could help me, ” then this opens the door to your help. **Structure** – If your teen is hiding out, playing video games, don’t make it socializing mandatory. Instead, look at the day’s structure. Discuss how much time should be devoted to hiding out. Pick something to join. If they are young, get them involved now. State that everyone in the family will pick an activity every semester. **Don’t Push Your Agenda** – Rather than telling him your concerns, explore what he wants and what is in it for him. **Spend Time Connecting** – Try to do something that interests your teen. This will allow you to have relaxed chats about what he finds fun, interesting and what he would like to join. ## Your Child’s Social Skills Aren’t Where They Should Be We don’t want to enter into endless talking when you know there is a real problem. The coaching tools in *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* have go-to activities, scripts and advice you can implement right away. - Join a social skills group – A lot of teens won’t go to a group, but will go to an individual. - Engage a social skills coach - Rehearse and craft messages they can use on the fly - Ask open questions to help them understand their role in a friendship. Ask, ask, ask. - Follow step by step activities in *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* - Practice conversations. Collaborate. - Look at social skills. They would if they could. **Deeper Dive:** [How Transformation Happens](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRQKwB_VyBw&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fCU8Hy6rawrJK1ecdsBNK8&index=4) [What to do When Your Teen Can’t Seem to Make Friends You Approve Of?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teen-cant-make-friends-you-approve-of/) [**ADHD Parents’ Palooza**](https://fn101.isrefer.com/go/parents21/cmpolo123) – July 26 – 28, 2021, designed to educate, guide, and inspire parents of kids with ADHD all over the world. **DO This At Home!** For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*and [How to SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Kids, Lonely, social skills --- ### [Olympics Themed Social Emotional Learning Activities](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/olympics-social-emotional-learning-activities/) **Published:** August 4, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Who isn’t mesmerized by the athleticism, leadership and character of the Olympic athletes? Young children picture themselves on these mats, fields and courts, so don’t miss the opportunity to use the Olympics to create social skills learning activities this summer. Join the millions (billions?) of parents who are focusing on helping kids to re-engage with their peers after almost two years of distance learning. ## Social Skills – and Gross Motor – Activities When we stop to think about what skills are involved in playing games and participating in sports, we realize that there are many Social Emotional Learning skills that impact a child’s success. Passing a soccer ball involves physically kicking the ball… and making eye contact with a teammate. We need self-regulation and control to display good sportsmanship and we use analytical and abstract skills to play to play by the rules. ## Tips for Incorporating Social Skills While Watching the Olympics The best way to incorporate social emotional learning activities – and gross motor skills – is to apply these skills to real-life contexts. While watching the Olympics, look for examples of these behaviors: - Model appropriate behavior – Did you see an athlete congratulate another on a win or good performance? Ask your child, “How do you think he feels right now? Do you think this was easy or hard for him?” - “Out loud thinking” or “internal thinking”? – Did the athlete say out loud what he must have been thinking at the time, or did he keep his thoughts quiet? This is a good way to bring up the importance of self-regulation. Could the athlete have thought, “I am really sad about losing, but I am going to take a deep breath.”? - Praise – What did one athlete exactly say to other as a compliment. Try to read their lips. What can you learn from the athlete that can be used to encourage positive interactions? - Read the Room – What does the energy feel like in track and field before a race? Are the athletes anxious, happy, excited, nervous? - Social Spy – Can you detect tension or joy? How is it handled? Is it something your child could display too? These are just a few ways to bridge the gap for students returning to class. This summer should focus on fun activities, social education. If our children are not ready, and they can’t vocalize what is wrong, it will be much harder to learn reading and math. We may have taken some things for granted before COVID, but the experience has also shown us the resiliency our kids have developed. I see changes in children since they have been around their peers this summer. Now we have a newfound appreciation for school and being together. **Deeper Dive:** ### [For the Teen Who has Social Skills Challenge](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/want-less-stress-with-your-socially-challenged-teen-learn-to-see-the-little-wins/) ### [Why We Need Social Emotional Learning Now More Than Ever](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-we-need-social-emotional-learning-now-more-than-ever/) ### [How Social Transformation Happens](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRQKwB_VyBw&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fCU8Hy6rawrJK1ecdsBNK8&index=4)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Activities --- ### [Back to School Social Emotional Support](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/back-to-school-social-emotional-support/) **Published:** August 17, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** The Delta variant has all of us holding our breaths; PLEASE not another year of enforcing mask rules, keeping kids socially distanced, making up for lost learning and figuring out how to offer social emotional support! You may be nervous about sending your kids back to school, yet you may prefer it to watching your kid hunched over a screen for another semester. This year in particular, there is going to be a lot more talk about social-emotional support. Let’s talk about how to support your child emotionally. ## **Help Kids Emotionally Prepare for School**  Now, as summer is still here and backpacks and school supplies are accumulating, is the best time to do an emotional check in. Ask open ended questions to really get to the heart of their feelings. Consider asking about their experience with COVID, how they feel about coming to school, and how they feel about where they’re at right now. Patiently allow emotions to be expressed and give them opportunities and space to be able to deal and process what’s going on. ## Focus on Mental Health Job one is to address unmet social, emotional, behavioral and physical issues that will make academic learning more challenging. This is especially true for children who are introverted, who have learning differences and who have fallen most behind. Seeing teachers and friends will be a different experience for each child and teen. Re-adjusting back to “normal” will require a transition period – how long depends on the child and environment. Reintroduction into classroom routines will be benefited by summer preparation and interaction. ## **Social and Emotional Growth** First graders have different needs than an eighth grader, however, both will have missed critical development. Social skills support for a first grader can include working on waiting, not interrupting, helping a friend and raising hands. The eight grader, will be entering high school for the first time with teachers they haven’t met in person yet. The support needed here are more complex as they try to navigate this new environment. These skills may include managing priorities, focusing on goals, being a positive influence, and daily life skills. ## Implementing Home Strategies As schools open, it is crucial that families incorporate SEL into their children’s schedules every day. This year will be like no other when it comes re-engaging, so try to be mindful of the hurdles they face as you leap over your. If I had to pick **the top skill** to work on – for children and teens of all ages – I would recommend you concentrate on naming emotions. Naming emotions is an important part of learning how to regulate them. Without understanding the emotions they’re experiencing, they may get confused or upset. Not recognizing how they feel may amplify the feelings and make it more difficult to regulate the emotions. No one knows what’s ahead, but with love, support and social skills development, we can put our best foot forward. ### Social Skills Deeper Dive: [How to SEL](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/) – Parents – introduce and maintain age-appropriate SEL practices and activities that encourage communication, connection and mutual respect into daily life, without planning or prep. [Why We Need Social Emotional Learning Now More than Ever](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-we-need-social-emotional-learning-now-more-than-ever/) [My Child Is Hiding From Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-child-is-hiding-from-friends/) [How to Help Kids Learn Friendship Skills and Avoid Social Isolation](https://drrobynsilverman.com/how-to-help-kids-learn-friendship-skills-and-avoid-social-isolation-with-caroline-maguire-rerelease/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators, Parenting, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** COVID, Kids --- ### [The Critical Need for Empathy ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-critical-need-for-empathy/) **Published:** August 24, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We are in a chapter unlike any before. Now, more than ever, we have a critical need for empathy – as well as an obligation to demonstrate it. Not only are we in a social crisis – we are *sick and tired of it.* Socially distancing made us exhausted, emotional and LONELY – and now we are putting the masks back on. ## Are We Becoming More Empathetic, or Less? We came together as a community at the start of COVID – backing each other, placing signs of support on our front lawns, sharing memes…. but could we also have been hiding behind screens? Add to that our inability to cue into non-verbal social exchanges – and now we are left confused and questioning our own intentions. Have we become so divided between those who believe and those who don’t that we now openly attack each other? ## What is Empathy? What is empathy? Empathy is the ability to step into another person’s shoes in order to better understand their feelings and perspectives. Once we have surmised an understanding, we use this information to guide our actions and show compassion. ## What Empathy Is Not The ability to show empathy is a life skill – it can be strengthened at any stage of human development. From the child who quits bullying to the coworker who adequately expresses remorse at the death of another’s pet, empathy is about putting in the work to discover others’ ideas, opinions, tastes, etc. It is not to be confused with kindness or pity. Empathy is not stagnant; it requires effort and mindfulness. ## How Does Empathy Come About? New research indicates that we are *homo empathicus*, wired for empathy, social cooperation, and mutual aid; not only self-interested creatures as originally believed. Environment, genetics, social and cultural factors influence our ability to feel empathy. Some folks, due to brain-based challenges, do not read social cues, facial expressions and emotions well. They may lack the perspective or the self-awareness to see how others interpret their actions and behaviors. Their intentions are good, but they do not understand how they come across. ## Teaching Empathy In order to foster empathy, the surrounding community and environment must support the desire to promote empathy and kindness. Yes, there are examples in concentration camps where individuals have learned on their own – in horrendous conditions – to show empathy, but unfortunately that is the outlier. By far, most of us learn empathy by seeing another model it and reinforce it with actions and messages. But empathy doesn’t stop developing in childhood. We can nurture its growth throughout our lives. ## How to Make Empathy Part of Our Daily Lives: 1. **A Stranger is Just a Friend You Haven’t Met Yet** – Do you find others interesting – perhaps even more interesting than yourself? Empathetic people are curious about others, and reach out willingly to engage. Curiosity pushes us outside our comfort zones. If this is not a strong suit, see my post [Encourage Social Skills Development](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/encourage-social-skills-development/). 2. **Spend a Day as Someone Else** – When was the last time you connected with others outside your social circle? How can we gain an understanding of the people from different demographics if we don’t connect? Spend a day in a local town that offers ethnic foods. Take the train and hop off somewhere new. Ask a friend if you could join them at their synagogue or church. 3. **Share Emotional States** – To be truly empathetic, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Sharing your pain with another goes a long way toward being empathetic. When others are sharing, listen as intently as possible. Look for non-verbal cues too – designed to help you better relate. Keep asking yourself, “*What do other people feel? What is my reaction to their behavior? What did their facial expressions tell me about their feelings?”* When circumstances jolt us from our routines, it is hard to reset. Business is not the same as usual. Now is the time to discover ourselves through self-reflection – and by becoming interested in the lives of others. The ability to understand other’s emotions and respond with kindness is an essential life skill that must be practiced throughout our lives. ### Deeper Dive: [Empathy is Compassion](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/empathy-is-compassion/) [3 Tips to Building Empathy During a Social Crisis](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/3-tips-to-building-empathy-during-a-social-crisis/) [The Silver Lining: Empathy and Kindness](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-silver-lining-empathy-and-kindness/) [3 Tips to Teach Empathy to Your Child](https://www.livehappy.com/relationships/3-tips-teach-empathy-your-child) ## Ask me If you have a question you would like me to answer, please submit it using the form below. \[gravityform id=”1″ title=”true” description=”true”\]  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Educators, Parenting, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Empathy --- ### [Lonely Teen](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/lonely-teen/) **Published:** August 31, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** **Q:** My son is a junior in high school and has been back to school over two weeks. I am concerned my teen is lonely. He rarely eats lunch at school and spends most of the weekends online. He told me he was going to social events last year, but it turns out he didn’t. How can I support him? Any advice appreciated!  **A:** You have hit on one of the most heartbreaking experiences as a parent – a lonely teen. Your son’s peer group is one of the biggest factors influencing his choices and behavior. Let’s take a step back and consider what variables might be impacting your son. Does your son exhibit executive function weaknesses? If so, these teenagers can lack maturity and self-confidence. Have there been repeated rebukes by peers? ## Should You Try to Help Your Lonely Teen? You may think that teenagers would rather poke their eyes out than listen to their parents, yet ironically, they actually are listening. I suggest an indirect approach. For example, I’ve worked with a young girl who experienced a similar situation. After several attempts to get their daughter to make friends, she withdrew from her parents and hid in her room. What little communication they had became even less. There was a lot of anger on both sides. She felt that her parents wouldn’t “hear her out” and were interfering. ## Tough Conversations Talking about friendships and making friends can be a tough conversation, but by withholding judgment, you are opening up the lines of communication. This helps him develop lifelong positive traits on how to evaluate his own thoughts and values. ## How To Broach the Lonely Teen Find a time when he is comfortable and in a good mood. How is the location? A more private setting might be just what he needs to feel comfortable opening up while others may prefer a public location. Over a series of open and collaborative conversations, try to get your child to open up and discuss this topic more. This will be a slow, iterative process. The more you hear his point of view, the better your chances of helping him reflect on his friendships. ## Before Starting a Conversation: **Hold back your feelings, listen more** – Your son will open up if he feels heard. By holding back judgment, you are creating an atmosphere where your son feels safe to talk. He will then be more likely to come to you with the next problem. **Look at things from your son’s perspective** – One of the hardest parts of being a teen is thinking that nobody understands you. The more you step into your son’s shoes and hear his perspective, the more you can give him what he needs. **Reflect, clarify and be curious** – Paraphrase what your teen says and repeat it back to him. When you do this, you show empathy. Clarify his concerns. Be curious and ask questions. By understanding his perspective, you are inviting him to open up more. **Don’t impose your values or goals on the situation** – Keep your agenda in check as you continue to talk through the importance of friendship. Do not assume you understand the reasons your son struggles with friends. Try not to apply pressure by imposing your values. The end goal here is to keep your child talking. Show him that you are confident that he can learn, grow and make good choices. **Shared Interest** – At the root of most friendship is a shared interest. Could he join or start a group based on interests he and others share? Can he join a club and take on a position? In this role, he is obliged to speak to others and reach out. He can also regularly meet others – the start to a friendship. **Ask Questions** – As you enter into this discussion, some questions you may want to consider include: - What is it about reaching out that makes you uncomfortable? - What do you have in common with kids in your grade? - How do your peers treat you? - What does an enjoyable friendship look like? - What kind of person do you want to be? - Can you be that person around these kids? **Collaborate on Solutions** – Once you have enough information to move forward, keep the lines of communication open. Brainstorm ways that your son can meet others. Involve him in activities and opportunities to be with former friends or those with the same values. Give him a place to feel good about himself. Together, pick an activity where his interests are high and he can pursue his passion to develop a stronger sense of self. ## Other Contributors Maturity may be an issue. Consider helping your teen develop life skills that will boost his independence and maturity. Perhaps a job or volunteering opportunity will fill that void? If he is willing, practice these new approaches at home first. Deeper Dive: [Teen Can’t Make Friends You Approve Of](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teen-cant-make-friends-you-approve-of/) [Want Less Stress with Your Socially Challenged Teen? Learn To See the Little Wins](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teen-cant-make-friends-you-approve-of/) [Challenges kids face returning to school Fall 2021](https://www.facebook.com/brian.seth.perler/videos/1213473745794409)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Lonely, Teens --- ### [Introducing “How To SEL” – Everyday Child and Family Social Emotional Coaching](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/introducing-how-to-sel-everyday-child-and-family-social-emotional-coaching-2/) **Published:** September 12, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Introducing “How To SEL” – Everyday Child and Family Social Emotional Coaching #### Joint Venture By leading SEL experts Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., and Scarlett Lewis Newtown, CT (April 12, 2021) – The[ Choose Love Movement](https://chooselovemovement.org/), a non-profit SEL organization, in partnership with [Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/), parenting and SEL expert, announced today the release of[ How To SEL](http://howtosel.com/), an innovative essential life skills coaching subscription designed to make social emotional learning (SEL) skills easy to learn and implement for everyone, every day. How To SEL, released in time to help address the very real possibility of a secondary social emotional trauma wave, offers desperately-needed SEL support to both children and adults who have been impacted by the pandemic and increased racial inequity. With an affordable entry point at $19.99 a month, this professionally-developed ‘how-to’ instructional video coaching, with engaging activities, and a live monthly Q&A with SEL experts, is intentionally designed to be accessible to all. All proceeds benefit Choose Love For Schools, a free SEL program for educators. Harvard University researchers have found that about two-thirds of children ages 7 to 15 had clinically significant symptoms of anxiety and depression, and the same number had behavioral problems such as hyperactivity and inattention, between November 2020 and January 2021. That is a huge jump from the 30% with anxiety and depression symptoms and the 20% with behavioral problems before the pandemic. \*  Parents, caregivers, professionals and community advocates can learn how to easily incorporate SEL strategies into their daily lives at home, school, or even in the community. This one-of-a-kind coaching series delivers engaging professional coaching techniques with demonstrations of actual scenarios with children that anyone can quickly pick up and use in real life situations. Each month will feature a carefully-curated life skills theme and include a variety of different formats to accommodate different learning preferences and resources to reinforce the lessons.  Each How To SEL monthly offering shares one mission – to teach HOW TO empower the whole child. Parents and teachers can now explain – and demonstrate – in a way that enables children to understand what is happening in their bodies and minds. Children will learn how to develop and nurture friendships, engage in successful social interactions, and build self-control, empathy and sound decision-making skills. Everyone who subscribes will receive a welcome kit containing two books – [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) by Caroline Maguire, and [*Nurturing Healing Love*](https://chooselovemovement.org/product/book-softcover-nurturing-healing-love/) by Scarlett Lewis – plus a Choose Love journal, a Spy Kit, and an assortment of merchandise for kids that coincide with the lessons. Additionally, subscribers receive a personalized online dashboard to access Caroline’s demonstration videos, a LIVE monthly Q&A where subscribers can interact with Caroline and Scarlett, plus additional resources for further topic exploration. Annual subscribers will receive a monthly pre-recorded master class with Scarlett Lewis plus leading health and wellness experts that focus on a parent or teacher’s mental health needs. “Coping with your emotions is an essential life skill, and we created a go-to resource that empowers every parent to cultivate this skill in their children on a daily basis,” said Maguire, co-founder of How To SEL, parenting expert and author. “Parents were always asking HOW to model and teach social and emotional character development to kids. We wanted to create an easy way for them to learn these transformative skills and strategies with others in their life, and be strengthened by them as well,” added Lewis, co-founder of How To SEL and the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement. Social emotional learning skills are a critical component of a fulfilling life. The benefits of SEL include greater success in school and stronger relationship bonds to peers, partners, and colleagues. SEL is proven to create increased happiness, self-esteem, and empathy; better academic performance; lower anxiety and depression; and improved immune systems. All proceeds from How To SEL will benefit the Choose Love Movement to help fulfill its mission to provide free SEL programs to schools, homes and communities. For more information, please visit [www.HowToSEL.com](http://www.howtosel.com/). \*WSJ 4/9/21 \### **About Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC** Caroline earned her undergraduate degree at Trinity College and her Masters of Education and Early Childhood Development with a specialization in social emotional learning (SEL) at Lesley University. Caroline is the author of the award winning book, [*Why Will No One Play With Me*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)*?*, a playbook of foolproof scripts on social skills development. She is the founder of a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology for adults, parents, clinicians and academic professionals on how to cultivate emotional regulation, emotional intelligence, social-awareness and responsible decision-making skills. She is the founder and director of [The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/family-adhd/) training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) – the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). After several years as a highly respected social skills clinician at the Hallowell Center Boston MetroWest, Ms. Maguire formed her own private practice. She is a sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator on various topics related to social, emotional and behavioral learning. She is a permanent columnist on social skills in ATTitude Magazine, a favored contributor to U.S. News & World Report, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude, Attention Magazine and WebMD. Follow her @AuthorCarolineM. **About The Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement**™ Jesse Lewis, a six-year-old first grader, was a victim of the Sandy Hook tragedy whose action saved the lives of nine classmates. Jesse left behind a message on a household chalkboard, “Nurturing Healing Love,” that became the inspiration for his mother, Scarlett, to found the Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement. [The Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement](http://www.jesselewischooselove.org/) is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization with a commitment to reach students, educators, and individuals, nationally and internationally, and provide them with a simple, yet profound formula for choosing love. The Choose Love Programs are comprehensive, no cost, lifespan, next-generation social and emotional learning and character development programs. They teach children and adults how to choose love in any circumstance and help them become connected, resilient, and empowered individuals. These skills, tools, and attitudes have been proven through decades of scientific research to be the best way to ensure a healthy, meaningful, and purpose-filled life. Its signature program, Choose Love For Schools™, is a no-cost infant/toddler through 12th grade curriculum that contains the simple universal teachings of courage, gratitude, forgiveness, and compassion-in-action – the foundational concepts of Social and Emotional Learning (SEL). Choose Love For Home™, Choose Love For Communities™, and Choose Love For Athletics™ are also available. For more information, please visit [www.ChooseLoveMovement.org](http://www.jesselewischooselove.org/). Also visit on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/JesseLewisChooseLove), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/jesselewislove) or [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/user/chooselovefoundation). **Contact:** Jan Wilmot Director of Marketing and PR Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement jan @ jesselewischooselove.org \###  Michael Hollywood [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/mikemichaelhollywood-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/mikemichaelhollywood-com/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** COVID, How to SEL --- ### [Help Kids Learn Basic Social Skills During the First Weeks of In-Person School](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-start-of-school/) **Published:** September 21, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It’s been about three weeks since our children returned to school buildings. How is the new normal treating your family? For most, this is the first time since schools closed in March 2020 that our children have had a full-time, in-person schedule. Do you need to support your child as they re-learn basic social skills? Most parents and teachers are cautiously monitoring our children: how are they holding up academically and socially while in new classroom arrangements that no longer offers grouping or indoor lunches? ## How to help young people learn basic social skills for the rapidly changing world I argue that students need to return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills as well as their mental and physical health. Depending on the age of the child, some may not have been in a school building for two years. As students and adults adjust, I recommend parents “slow the roll” and help children re-adjust gradually. For some children, they may need basic social skills reteaching. ## How to make sure kids learn basic social skills and independence: ### 1. Ensure your child knows how and when to ask for help – Knowing how and when to ask for help is a critical, yet surprisingly complicated, skill life skill. Children first must recognize when they need help, and then manage their feelings that may get in the way. They may feel they ask too many questions already, or that the timing is wrong, or even that they may appear “stupid.” Should they move forward communicating their needs, they need to predict the likely reaction and clearly communicate their needs. Help your child by thinking through potential issues when they are at home and feeling safe. Coming up with relevant plans can empower children to get the help they need. Practicing the simple question, “Is now a good time for me to ask for help?” can help a reluctant child ask for the help they need. ### 2. Learn how to resolve a problem with a peer – Conflict resolution is a key component of socialization that most of us encounter on a daily basis. Help your child prepare to deal with conflicts in advance. Many children and teens have difficulty communicating their feelings without allowing emotions to take over the conversation. Work with your kid on how to get a positive conversation started. I recommend modeling a pretend conversation to practice positive, productive communication regularly. This life skill prepares children to make, strengthen, and salvage relationships. ### 3. Practice joining groups – Being able to approach other people is a key skill, yet not an easy one for many kids. Practice with your child at home – with siblings or neighbors – on how to join a group. Have your child first pause before heading toward the group to read people’s body language. Find someone who is physically opened up so they can navigate into the group and then make eye contact with this person. A welcoming smile followed by a nod or contribution to the dialog will hopefully make this transition comfortable. Suggest your child take on a role in a group, such as yearbook photographer. This is a natural way to approach someone or a group. Being a member of a group or team will help your child get to know the others. Help your child develop a pre-game for those days when all of these emerging skills feel daunting. ### 4. Provide emotional support – Before things escalate, help your child or teen recognize the signals for frustration and learn how to allow time to cool off. Due to immaturity or lack of experience in dealing with conflict, emotions can take over quite abruptly. Providing paper and pencils in a “safe” location encourages children to write down, sketch, or draw their feelings. Guiding questions or a visual can help gauge the level of emotional support needed. A child’s brain typically only recognizes one perspective – his own. Practice perspective-taking using summarizing or paraphrasing skills. Ask your child to recount their perspective or the scenario and repeat back to them how you understood them. This allows the child to hear their own thoughts more clearly and helps you better understand the situation. ### 5. Developing a new generation of leaders – The next generation will certainly carry a lot of responsibility. Our future depends on a new generation of leaders empowered with skills like empathy, resilience and appreciation for diversity – enabling them to face challenges and find innovative solutions. As parents and caregivers, we are our children’s first teachers. We are nurturing the leaders of tomorrow. Help your child think about future planning by asking questions such as, “What do you want to be?” Disrupted routines, social isolation and food insecurity are just a few of the consequences of COVID-19 that have impacted children. The impact on their mental health may not be fully appreciated for some time to come. It is our job, as trusted advocates, to protect, prepare and nurture our children by helping them learn basic social skills. We recognize that it’s only by closing the gaps in students’ social-emotional well-being that they can reach their full academic potential. Hang tough, we are in this together. ## Social Emotional Resources: [Back to school social emotional support](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/back-to-school-social-emotional-support/) [10 ways to teach your child social skills in daily life](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-ways-to-teach-your-child-social-skills-in-daily-life/) [Keep the social in social distancing](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/keep-the-social-in-social-distancing/) [ADDitude Webinar: Social Confidence: How to Help Students with ADHD Re-Acclimate to In-Person School & Friends](https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/social-anxiety-back-to-school-podcast-372/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Educators, Parenting, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** COVID, Kids, social skills --- ### [5 Life Hacks to Recognize the Importance of Tone](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/) **Published:** September 27, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This time of year, as parents wade back into the school routine, you may be noticing your tweens and teenagers have already missed assignments. Similar to wading through a 1-800 customer service line, we can spend hours online trying to resolve issues. We encourage our tweens and teens to write their teacher and work through the systems themselves – even suggest they go to speak to a teacher to clarify an assignment or discuss missing work – but this can be fraught with complexities and even met with a wall of negativity and resistance. “*Are you ever going to post the Latin assignment?*” – Yikes! Once we get our child to write these messages, we may find that the tone is abrasive, the messaging is incoherent, it’s missing important pieces and sometimes, you may even end up writing most of it yourself! What we want for our kids, instead, is for them to actually learn these skills in order to build independence. ## 5 Life Hacks to Teach Your Child to Self-Advocate and Address Tone 1. **Read the email aloud** – Read the email your kid just wrote aloud, together. Wonder out loud by asking, “Do you think there is “tone”? How do you interpret it?” If he doesn’t see it, tactfully point out the possible lack of clarity or the sharp tone. This allows your child to understand that their words, and the way they say things, may be unintentionally unclear, harsh or even inappropriate. Don’t preach and be a historian, just allow him to step into the person’s shoes. 2. **Spy and watch for tone of voice in the real world –** When you two are out and about, tune into instances when someone has a negative, jarring or hurtful tone. What could the other people be feeling? What was the reaction on their face? Be conspiratorial. Don’t reference his own foibles, just evaluate his reaction. 3. **Create an email template with your child** – Who wants a weekly inquiry? Instead, help your child write a few email templates for missing work, work that they did but did not register or assignments that need an extension or additional help. 4. **Rehearse in-person discussions –** Speaking directly to a teacher can be hard or embarrassing. Your kid may genuinely feel overwhelmed by the prospect and have a myriad of reasons why they can’t; they don’t have enough time, it doesn’t matter, there is no partial credit, etc. Find out what makes it hard. Be patient. Calmly note the resistance, “I notice you are telling me how it can’t be done- is there another plan? What else can you do?” Rehearsing how to approach a teacher, what they can say and creating a plan as to when and where they can fit this discussion in may be essential. 5. **Link Self-advocating to what they care about –** Self advocating is a life skill yet many kids, especially those with executive function challenges, may not have the bird’s eye view to recognize this. Rather than lecturing and allowing him to tune you out, link speaking self-advocacy to what is in it for me (WIFM). Consider together what is in it for her. Does it get you off her back or allow her to attend a specific social event? Does he want to be an engineer and wants his teacher to recommend him for a robotics club? Self-advocacy is empowering. Speaking for yourself and making decisions about your life has big benefits, especially for kids who learn and think differently. Recognizing tone helps them appreciate nuance. Both these skills build confidence and independence – and the results may surprise them! ## Social Emotional Learning Resources [Help Your Child Watch Their Tone](https://youtu.be/Y8nkHZF1ixc) [Back To School Social Emotional Support](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/back-to-school-social-emotional-support/) [The One Teacher Who Made a Difference](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-one-teacher-that-made-a-difference/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Kids, social skills, tone --- ### [How to Balance Your Child’s Behavior and Your Role](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-balance-childs-behavior-and-your-role/) **Published:** October 13, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** How is your child’s behavior now that school is back.. well, sort of back? Are things moving along smoothly? Is your child, tween or teen excited to be back in school, yet not spending time downtime with friends? Does your child or teen prefer his phone to in-person friends, misses the coach’s clear annoyance, or abruptly stops a conversation and walks away? ## How to Balance Your Child’s Behavior and Your Role As a parent, are you caught in the middle, trying to balance your own emotions about her poor behavior while also recognizing the potential trauma that the pandemic may have induced? It can be embarrassing, but how do you stop it? It is important to realize some children don’t have the perspective or ability to see how others interpret their actions and behaviors. Their intentions are good, but they don’t really know how to tune in and “walk in the other person’s shoes.” When feeling bored, overwhelmed, hungry or tired a child or teen can unintentionally forget social rules and without meaning to, come across as uncaring and bad mannered. ## Fix Your Child’s Behavior or Wait? Exc 5b7ef234562fa7f106f9651cOur tendency as parents is to jump right in and fix it. The key is to understand that if your child could do better, they would do better. Your child is not trying to annoy you or embarrass you. He is struggling and does not have the skills to meet your expectations. Should you just sit back and excuse the behavior? Certainly not! Your child may not read ordinary social cues and respond appropriately. This is an area that will be an ongoing challenge but also an opportunity to learn the practical problem-solving skills needed to adapt, engage, learn, and thrive as a social being. One major skill that we all need to get along with others is to step into their shoes, think about how our behavior impacts our friends and to adapt our behavior to make sure we are considering the feelings of others. This skill of stepping into someone else’s shoes is called theory of mind. The problem is that the child does not have the ability to read the minds of others cannot hear or notice that their tone, misguided humor, or abrupt subject changes may come across as rude and outright mean. Teaching children theory of mind means helping the child to consider others’ point of view, perspectives, desires, motives, and intentions. To do this effectively, parents will learn to use open questions and to develop this key skill. ## Walk In Someone Else’s Shoes Your goal is to help your child recognize that you and others have feelings about his actions and that those feelings affect how people react to him. **Ask Open-ended questions** – encourage your child to talk and problem solve. *Who, what, when, where, and how*. Open questions allow your child to hold the mirror up to his behavior and to hear his own assessment. They also make it easier to have the conversation since you are not interrogating him, you are curious. Ask, “How do you think I feel when you correct me?” Have him look at your face and interpret your feelings. No matter what the answer is, even if it’s a shrug and an, “I don’t know,” continue to ask him, “I am curious what made you look up the answer on your phone?” Give him the space to think about it. Keep your cool. This begins to help the child think about what the unspoken social rules were and what they are expected to do in the future. The questions help the child reflect on other people’s state of mind. The open-ended question coaching technique walks the child through interpreting other people’s point of view to examine how their actions and behaviors affect others. Self-regulation and other coping skills may need to be practiced to help children put their best foot forward. The key is to help the child consider how they come across to those in their everyday interactions. ## Focus on Your Child’s Strengths When you identify your child’s strengths, interests, and brain-based processing style, it’s a game changer. It’s a journey, and consistency is the key. Find comfort in knowing that all children benefit from patient and nurturing. The open-ended questions technique is well suited to help children become more aware of how their behavior affects others. ## Social Skills Resources [How Can I Get Through to My Kid That He Has to Stop Arguing with His Teachers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-3-how-can-i-get-through-to-my-kid-that-he-has-to-stop-arguing-with-his-teachers-so-much/) [My Son Disappears into the Basement](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-teenage-son-disappears-into-the-basement-and-never-engages-with-us/) [Empathy During COVID](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpnp_68Wwi0&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fUwe-iDGSqeqt7N2xwQnAW&index=5&t=3s)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Kids, walk in someone else's shoes --- ### [What Can I Do To Help My Kid Who Seems So Easily Frustrated By Little Things?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/what-can-i-do-to-help-my-kid-who-seems-so-easily-frustrated-by-little-things/) **Published:** November 16, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Frustration is something most of us are familiar with. We may have had our hearts set on something that didn’t materialize, or we personally fell short on a goal, or someone had promised us something that didn’t happen. The same frustrations can exhibit in our kids too. And some kids can be more easily frustrated than their peers.  ## Why Do Some Kids Get Easily Frustrated? Challenging situations seem to arise daily. Our kids are not pre-programmed with frustration management skills! As your child’s mentor, advocate and coach, I want to help you help your child build coping skills. It is Important to identify whether your child is able to pinpoint the reasons for the intense feelings and constructively work through it. We will work on how to express the frustration in healthy ways. Unresolved or unexpressed frustration can cause other problems including depression or physical illness. The first step to overcoming frustration and anger is to notice your child’s discomfort and address the intense feelings and emotions. Some of us were raised to refrain from expressing our frustrations and anger. I recommend, instead, that you and your child try some of the strategies below. ## 6 Strategies to Help the Child Who Gets Easily Frustrated #### 1. **Identify the Source** Nobody reacts to frustration the exact same way as someone else. In fact, even we handle frustration differently depending on the reason, triggers or situation. It is important to understand the source or cause of the frustration. Some common triggers that can easily frustrate a child include transition, misinterpretations, stress, hunger, exhaustion and new or unexpected situations. #### 2. Model Healthy Expression Your kids are watching your every move. How do you handle frustration, intense feelings and last-minute changes? If you tend to lose your patience, they will likely follow suit. Modeling constructive responses by remaining calm and seeking solutions will speak louder than words. ##### **Constructive, adaptive strategies to managing frustration:** •**Talk about it** – When your child is in a comfortable and safe environment, broach the topic(s) by asking open questions. Don’t assume you know the reasons or situation. By talking out loud, you and your child are able to hear the thought processes and better understand the root cause. It will also help both of you become more clear about her feelings. You can even encourage your child to do this alone if they are at a certain age. They can record or write their feelings, etc. to better hear how they express themselves as if they were listening to someone else. •**Make a list** – Help your child write a list of their concerns and frustrations. When they see a complete list of all the things bothering them, they can review, prioritize and decide which ones they can truly change and which are not under their control. •**Change the environment** – Some things can be changed simply by identifying the cause and collaboratively making adjustments. A sibling, TV or outdoor noise may be a source of frustration. Simply move the TV or wear earplugs or earphones if necessary. •**Seek help** – Sometimes even the most dedicated parent is not able to handle a situation. Talk to a trusted clergy member or a professional if your child has difficulties coping with daily life, is breaking down for seemingly small reasons or if you find you must significantly alter your life to support your child. #### 3. **Connect before you correct** I am a huge fan of this phrase! If your child is starting the spiral into a tantrum, melt down or other – or is already engaged – I recommend you both retreat and settle down. It is impossible to reason when emotions are high. As you are regaining composure, remind yourself of your child’s temperament. For instance, are they high energy, cautious, sensitive or confrontational? When the time is right, set the stage to connect. A high energy child might be better at listening when they are actively engaged in an activity, whereas a sensitive child may need to be in a comfortable, calming environment. Regardless of your child’s particular temperament, a reboot is almost always an important first approach. #### **4. Coach your child** Coaching, guiding or suggestions strategies during overwhelm will not be productive. Wait for the right opportunity to coach your child using these strategies. Until that time, give them a big, warm hug. This is not the time to tell them to work harder. Instead, it might be a good time to let them settle into their thoughts and problem-solve alone. When you feel the time is right, I offer more suggestions In **[How to Coach Your Child](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/).** #### **5. Build Lifelong social skills** Resilience comes from addressing frustrations and challenges, working through solutions, and coming out on the other side stronger. As parents, we may want to “fix” the problem, but this is not in our children’s best interest. While they are young, it is important to practice life skills such as facing disappointment and frustration head on. Starting with smaller struggles and building resilience will help them with the larger, adult challenges. #### **6. Validate Feelings** Being heard and understood is important to all of us. You may not know the reason for the frustration but acknowledging his feelings can be very validating. Consider saying something to him like, “*Hey Buddy. It looks like your homework is hard. Is that right?”* The key is to connect with your child and show him that you are on his side. Getting a glimpse into his world will help him recognize that you are a source of support. As your child’s social skills coach, it is important to remain consistent over time. You will need to remind your child, over and over, to practice these strategies. It takes three weeks to develop a new habit. Keeping the habit up will ensure it keeps working. ## Frustration Can Be a Good Thing One key for using all three strategies is to consistently follow through for at least three weeks, the typical period of time necessary for establishing a new habit pattern. Once a habit is established, it is usually easier to maintain it. What works keeps working. When skills are developed, a child can learn to be more resilient. Strategies and patience will get you both there! ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire – Starting December 7, 2021 [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** Kids, social behaviors, social skills --- ### [How Social Development Fell Behind Last Year and 7 Ways to Help Your Kid Catch Up with Their Peers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-social-development-fell-behind-last-year-and-7-ways-to-help-your-kid-catch-up-with-their-peers/) **Published:** December 6, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As parents, we do our best to ensure our kids don’t fall behind in the “lost year” and yet many parents don’t know what to look for regarding to social emotional development in children, or how to even help if needed. Age-appropriate social development in children includes taking responsibility for actions, evaluating risks and opportunities, managing emotions, meeting social rules and demands of a situation and controlling impulses. The give-and-take of in-person interactions of being with others allows children and teens to watch peers and other social models. This enables them to mirror, adapt, engage, and to test out their social approach. Peer feedback, such as “*I don’t like that,”* teaches us how to understand unspoken social rules, interpret which behaviors helps us fit in, and how to cooperate, negotiate, and cope with disappointments. This social and emotional development process is very interactive. Without meaningful and regular interactions, children do not advance their social development and may develop social anxiety. Everyone’s social skills have become rusty, but children have been particularly affected. ([The Rusty Social Skills Bundle includes everything kids need for social skills development](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/)) . # **HOW TO Evaluate, Detect and Support Children with Social Developmental Gaps** Pressuring or cajoling a child to become a better playmate will not work. I recommend working with your kid to identify their own unique brain wiring—they must learn to figure out what’s holding them back and then how to do something about it. To start, watch your kid with others. Can they make new friends? Can they adapt to different people and situations? How do others react to your kid? Are they able to reach out and join a group in an age-appropriate way? ## **Is this Normal?** If your child or teen doesn’t choose to interact with friends, seems immature, struggles to make conversation, stomps around the house sullen or spends all day on video games rather than homework, we wonder, “Is this normal?” As a child developmental expert, I am often asked if the delays, outbursts and withdrawals are due to social, emotional or behavioral delays or if it is normal child development progression? I think a sizeable social shift has occurred and our children must learn to hurdle these palpable social and emotional skills gaps. Parents can get stuck in the loop wondering if their child can’t – or won’t – try to adapt socially. You may question whether your child is keeping up with peers. If your child or teen had struggled with social anxiety or social inclusion before, the past year may have deepened these concerns. Every child wants to succeed. Every child wants to “grow up” and develop the mastery to be a capable human being. Kids reach milestones at different rates, but when children do not have skills in line with their same-aged peers, then they may need support and direct instruction to help them reach those social developmental milestones. ## **7 Social Development Skills Your Kid Needs to Be Successful** I highlight some of the important social traits we all need to work on below. For greater, in-depth information, head over to *Why Will No One Play with Me?* and follow the page reference numbers included with each bullet: 1. **Manage emotions** – Help your child recognize the body signals associated with “big emotions.” Disappointment is tough for all of us, but without coping techniques, it is far too easy to become overwhelmed. (Pg. 141, 259-261) 2. **Read the room** – Help your child pause and evaluate the vibe and tone of the surroundings when entering. Is the environment formal or informal? Do you know anyone? Does it look like fun or work? Are there expectations of your role and how you should join in? Work with your child to recognize what they might need to do to adjust their energy, level, tone, or expectations to match the setting. Practice guessing how others might expect them to behave in this setting. (Pg. 159-161) 3. **Approach the group** – This may be one of the harder things for child to learn. Introducing themselves first, starting a conversation, or answering questions can be painful for a shy or anxious child. Explain that a smile and friendly acknowledgment can be enough to signal to another person that you’re sociable. (Pg. 151-154 My Way or The Highway) 4. **Adapt to social cues and unspoken rules** – Verbal cues might seem easy, but they require that one pays attention to what others are saying, which can be challenging if your child routinely tune out others and prefer to stay tuned into their own thoughts. (P. 47 – p. 120.) 5. **Walk in someone else’s shoes** – Help your child understand that every behavior and every action makes an impression on others, and they operate and react to you based on those impressions. It is important to understand another person’s motives in order to better adapt behavior. (Pg. 226-227) 6. **Be flexible and adaptive** – Compromise is an essential social role. Sometimes they need to place others interests above their own. If you child is particularly argumentative, the exercises in “Rule Police” may help. (Pg. 144-147) 7. **Know your audience** – Work with your child to adapt tone, stories, and content depending on the age and interests of those around them. This includes recognizing and filtering what is meant for public or private ears. Rude or impulsive comments can ruffle feathers and hurt feelings. (Pg. 175-189) Chances are your child faces some challenges in at least a few of these essential social skills – and that is where you come in. Coaching conversations, skill-building lessons, practice, and problem-solving strategies are going to give your child the skills and confidence needed to change behavior. For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on helping children develop social skills, check out [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) and [*HowToSEL*](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/) – Everyday SEL coaching monthly subscription for parents. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) [**Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** – Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Blog, Families, SEL, Social Emotional Learning **Tags:** COVID, Kids, social skills, Walking is Someone's shoes --- ### [Frustrated With Distractions At Work? 10 Hacks To Quiet The Noise Around You](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/frustrated-with-distractions-at-work-10-hacks-to-quiet-the-noise-around-you/) **Published:** January 3, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Do you find yourself stopping what you are supposed to be doing because of distractions at work? Who doesn’t get distracted when the phone rings, co-workers talk about work or weekend activities, and social media notifications hit every few minutes? Sometimes distractions happen while we’re at work, school or at home that make us stop doing what we’re supposed to be doing. These distractions can come from other ourselves or others doing what we/they should be doing, or doing things we shouldn’t be doing. The key is to understand the severity of your focus problems. Do they happen regularly? Do distractions cause you to miss deadlines or decrease your performance? ## Are Distractions Affecting Your Work Performance? Are You: Isolating from family, friends, coworkers? Losing track of time? Having trouble completing tasks at work or home? Feeling defensive about the time you spend on the internet? Feeling energized with non-work Internet activities? ## Use these 10 Strategies to Resist Distractions at Work: #### 1. Identify Your Distraction Triggers Distractions are both external and internal. Understanding when you tend to lose focus will enable you to plan for counter-strategies. Is it the chatty co-worker or your own wandering mind that is the biggest culprit? Whether it’s a coworker interrupting you when you’re on deadline, your wandering mind, or stressful emotions, distractions get in the way of [getting things done](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-productivity-to-do-list-procrastination-help-adhd/). Take these actions against distractions. #### 2. Visualize the End Project When you can see the end product you can then count back to decipher the steps that were needed. A project can feel overwhelming, but if you are able to itemize, define and put to a schedule the needed steps, studies tell us this will increase the chances of getting the task done. #### 3. Review Past Successes Recall a time when you were able to set aside distractions and complete something you were proud of, in a timely manner. What did that feel like? Bring the feelings of self-achievement into the forefront on your mind. By focusing on positive sentiments, you will produce self-fulfilling, can-do mindset. #### 4. Keep a Lid on Your Emotions Stress is often a culprit of focus issues. Disappointment on a missed promotion or not getting accepted into the college of choice can lead to poor performance. Practice self-calming activities such as mindfulness and remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day and new opportunities will arise. \[[Get This Free Handout: 10 Rules for ADHD-Proof Productivity](https://www.additudemag.com/download/be-more-productive-at-work/?src=embed_ss)\] calming intrusive thoughts #### 5. Mind Over Matter When a distraction happens, physically turn your body and walk away. Sometimes, you may want to ignore someone if you don’t like what they say, but it’s important only to ignore things that stop you from doing what you’re supposed to. Take a deep breath and count to five. Remind yourself to keep working, focus on the outcome and give yourself positive reinforcement for a job well-done. #### 6. Set Up Physical Signs Don’t hesitate to put up a sign on the door or on your desk asking for quiet and no interruptions. You can make the wording fun or serious, but actively follow the instructions, i.e. don’t post unless you are using the time for good. #### 7. Prioritize the Tasks Some things are well, just boring or difficult. Do you work better getting them out of the way? Most of us want to address the least attractive tasks early in the day to take them off our plate and to avoid later distraction. If you prefer writing to accounting, balance the budget first and use the desire to write the executive summary as a motivation. #### 8. Ask Again If you avoid asking for further information for fear that it will look like you weren’t listening (again), stop. Wasting time trying to figure something out is time poorly used if the directions can be given again quickly. Instead of worrying about looking bad by asking a question, request the directions you need to complete the job. #### 9. Set a Timer We all do better with breaks. The question is, how often do you need one? If a task is boring or moving slowly, set a timer for 15 or 20 minutes. If you can keep working, great, if not, take a break. There should be no self-judgement. Many smart people can get a lot done in a short amount of time… this includes you! #### 10. Enlist Help Perhaps a coach can identify the areas where you tend to struggle. The two of you can then implement strategies to help build focus. There are many productivity tools and apps that you can enlist, as well as friends, co-workers and family members to call or text you a few times a day to make sure that you stay focused on the task at hand. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Blog, Workplace --- ### [Kids Need Your Support, Not Passive Parenting: Help Them Stand Up to Bullies](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/kids-need-your-support-not-passive-parenting-help-them-stand-up-to-bullies/) **Published:** January 19, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** School is back in-person (for many) and your child was placed – again – with “those” kids—the mean ones, the cliquey ones, the ones who dictate the terms of how the year will go. Kids know who they are, and so do parents. We talk around it because we don’t really know how to help our kids stand up to bullies. I work extensively with kids from across the social skills spectrum — kids who’ve been called bullies or bossy, kids who always seem to be victims, bystander kids who’ve learned to look the other way. I know the kids who are rude and unthinking who, after years of being miserable, have learned to go on the offense, making some other kid miserable first. The victims feel trapped and helpless. So do other kids who witness hurtful behavior and remain silent. ## Three Misconceptions About Social Cruelty and Bullying 1. **“Kids will be kids” and all kids “can be mean”**—overlooking that the level of cruelty dealt out by some is markedly different and hurtful. 2. **We should wait and see** … to talk to the teachers, the school or the parent of a child who treats others this way, hoping time will resolve the problem. 3. **parents have little or no influence** – and there is nothing they can do. All of these things are untrue. The idea that kids will just figure it out on their own—that they need to do so—has a long, miserable and misguided history. When we believe the story that “there’s nothing we can do,” we leave our children to bear the burden. They need our help. Every child needs to believe that change is possible. And they need the social skills to do it. Bullying, cliques, and exclusive behavior doesn’t come from a few bad apples, and it’s not just a fact of life: It’s the result of kids having been bullied themselves, kids suffering low self esteem, kids lacking empathy, or kids who lack the emotion regulation skills they need to manage their feelings and impulses. Children aren’t born bullies, victims or uncaring bystanders. Problematic social behavior is a sign that a child needs help, not harsh judgment. Adults can teach kids to develop empathy and ways to manage their feelings in situations that makes them feel helpless, scared or defensive. Stronger social skills provide them with healthier coping strategies in social situations and a sense of agency as they choose how to interact with others. The skills to thrive socially and with kindness are teachable if only someone takes the time to teach them. This year, don’t wait for social dust-ups or disasters to start the conversation with your child, with other parents and at your school for coaching important social skills. Step in and step up: #### Stand up to bullies: If you see something, do something. Call out meanness or bullying when you see it. Bring your concerns to a teacher, recess monitors, bus drivers, administrator or the parent of a child whose behavior is concerning to discuss how the situation can be addressed. Actively advocate for inclusion. #### Focus on calm, kind, constructive communication. It’s important to keep your cool (emotion regulation) in conversation with any child, parent, teacher or others. Problem solving calls for a collaborative tone and intention. Don’t gossip about other kids or parents. Engage for change. #### Coach your child and their friends in simple kindness, empathy and basic social skills. It’s easy to focus on the failings of others—kids and parents alike. ### How to coach your kid to stand up to bullies, treat others fairly and kindly, and to expect the same for themselves: • Talk to your child about the behavior she sees. Ask her what she thinks is happening and what factors might be contributing to it (personalities, time, place, or other pressures). Problem solve with your child and her friends to help them find how they can navigate the situation. • Ask your child to practice taking another person’s point of view—step into someone else’s shoes—and consider that child’s feelings. How do you think he might feel in this situation? What could be going in her life that she would behave this way? • Discuss how social skills don’t come easy to everyone, and practice social smarts that help kids connect or be kinder. What could you do to be helpful in that situation? What would you want someone to say to you if you were feeling that way? • Share from your own personal experience a time when you weren’t as empathetic as you might have been, why you try harder now and why it matters to you. When your child uses a snarky look or comment that disrespects another child, talk about it. Make inclusion a core value in your family. Don’t just say it—teach your kids the skills to include others. ### Stand up to bullies: It’s up to us to show them how to do it. We’re quick to tell kids to stand up to bullies, to intervene and call others out on the playground or elsewhere when bullying and cliquish behavior occurs. Kids are getting the message: be upstanders, not bystanders. But it’s up to us to show them how to do it. We need to walk the walk, and remember that we are our children’s first and most powerful teacher and coach for upstander behavior. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Families --- ### [Helping Your Teen with A Broken Friendship When They Started Out as Close Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/helping-your-teen-with-a-broken-friendship-when-they-started-out-as-close-friends/) **Published:** January 25, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Breaking Up is Hard To Do! It’s heartbreaking. Watching your teen lose a close friend that started out as a close friend. Right now, your son’s peer group is one of the biggest factors influencing his choices and behavior. When a friend that has been a close confident is no longer in your teen’s inner circle, the loss can be devastating. You probably won’t learn the whole story. They may not even know why what started out as a close friend is now a friend no longer. There are many reasons friendships end. It could have been one-sided, a betrayal of trust, moving into different directions, excessive drama, negativity, etc. ## How Can Parents Support a Break Up with a Friend That Started Out as a Close Friend? Addressing painful topics with your teen can be fraught with landmines. When you approach the topic, he may snip, “This doesn’t concern you!” Your son storms off to his room again and “slam,” the conversation is over. If there is one thing you can count on as a parent, is that your child will be resistant and oppositional at some point in his life. But what if it happens when there is a possibility of learning from the situation, addressing something serious or even repairing the damage? ### So how do you get started? Getting your child to open up and discuss the loss of a friendship that started out as close friends may happen slowly over a series of open and collaborative conversations. The more you can hear his point of view while trying not to judge, the more you increase your chances of helping your child reflect on his friendships. The problem is that right now, you don’t have enough information to move forward in a way that would be beneficial for both of you. Start with a series of conversations and build from there. The most important thing for you right now is to keep the line of communication open. By talking to your son about friendship without judgment and harsh restrictions, you are opening up the lines of communication and helping him develop lifelong positive beliefs about what constitutes a good friend. ## 8 Tips To Consider Before Starting the Tough Conversation About Addressing a Loss that Started Out as Close Friends: #### **Choose the location** – Think about your teen’s mood and environment. Find a time when your teen is comfortable and in a good mood. A more private setting, without siblings, might be just what they need to feel comfortable opening up. #### **Hold back your feelings, listen more** – Your teen will open up more if they feel heard. By holding back judgment, you are creating a safe atmosphere that will allow them to talk more freely and avoid the “big divide” between the parent and child. #### **Reflect, clarify, be curious** and gain perspective – One of the hardest parts of being a teen is thinking that nobody understands you. By understanding your teen’s perspective, you are inviting them to open up more. Step into your teen’s son’s shoes and hear their perspective. Help them work through the timeline of what started out as close friends. Paraphrase what your teen says and then repeat it back. When you do this, you show empathy, and you can clarify their concerns. Be curious and ask questions. #### **Evaluate friendships –** What is more valuable than having good friends who love and support you for who you are? Talking about social challenges is never easy. For most parents, the dread of how to begin keeps us from having the conversation at all. Work together to figure out what makes a good friend, and talk about how they can be there for their friends when they are needed most. **Read [15 Phrases to Spark a Conversation about Social Dilemmas](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-engage-socially/)** [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-engage-socially/)How enjoyable is the friendship#### **Promote respectful tone and banter –** We all have times when our tone does not reflect our intentions. Chances are you have used that tone of voice. Model using a tone that communicates respect, when humanly possible. Be sure to share with your children what respectful looks like and admit it when you struggle. Consider a reminder or code word that family members can use when “the tone” is used. Eventually, you will catch it before you will need to be told. #### **Don’t impose your family values or goals on the situation** – Keep your agenda, values and goals in mind as you continue to talk through the importance of friendship. Do not assume you understand the reasons for the break up. The end goal is to keep your teen talking. Show them that you are confident that they are able to learn, grow and make good choices. #### Use **Open Questions** – As an effective method to improve a child’s self-awareness and break down the resistance barrier, this style of questioning allows the parent to lead the child through a process to look at their own feelings and those of others. It provides the teen with perspective to be able to examine your teen’s behavior and choices. #### **Brainstorm together** – Gather information on your teen’s friends and what is going on socially from school, coaches, teachers and others who can observe and share information. Work together to find activities and opportunities to be with the friend or new ones with shared interests and values. Consider setting up a time to meet and spend time with this friend. Maturity may be an issue. Consider helping your teen develop life skills that will boost his independence and maturity. ## Teens Will Listen – Eventually Teens are notorious for rejecting advice, but if shrouded in fun, they may be amenable. When your teen is in an environment and in a mood to talk, jot down some ideas together. The point is to eventually understand the reasons a friendship that started out as close friends was shaken, and what, if anything can be done to remedy it. Parenting is not easy. Exhaustion can bring out the worst in anyone. Breaking the mold of same-old, same-old may be just the ticket to getting over the hump and creating the family ties that nurture each member. ## Social Skills Deeper Dive ### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)[httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproducthow to coach your child bundle]()[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Families **Tags:** friends, social skills in kids, Teens --- ### [How To Stop Letting Things Bother You So You Don't Take Things So Personally](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-stop-letting-things-bother-you-so-you-dont-take-things-so-personally/) **Published:** January 31, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** A rebuff, sideways glance or roll of the eyes can make us question our worth. Why is this and how do we stop letting things bother us? What is it that makes us cringe when we see friends out together and we weren’t invited? Why do we fear a rebuff when our invitations are denied or ignored? Is it just us, or does everyone feel this way? ## **Rejection Sensitivity** Taking things personally weighs on us and drains our energy. Due to [**Rejection Sensitivity**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd), many adults – especially those with ADHD – may feel badly about something that isn’t even about them. Our brain is hardwired to focus on the negative (to protect us from danger) so we therefore tend to focus on the negative stories we tell ourselves. [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/)When you experience rejection sensitivity you have a heightened reaction to a real perceived or even anticipated event person or situation## **8 Ways to Stop Letting Things Bother You:** ### **Don’t Jump to Conclusions** Before you jump to conclusions about an actual or perceived slight, look or oversight, consider instead, “*What else could it be?”* Learn to walk in their shoes **\[learn more p 226 – 237 in *Why Will No One Play with Me?*\]**. Evaluate the evidence to support this perception. Could it be something else? Perhaps they forgot, did not see you, missed your message or had a personal reason they were unable share. Double check your reasoning by asking yourself questions, such as: *“What story am I telling myself?” “What evidence is there that this story is true?” “What else could it be?”* ### **Reframe Your Negative Self-Talk** Negative self-talk can bombard you; encasing you in your own hurtful prison. It hurts performance and increases the tendency to enter fight, flight or freeze mode. No matter what the root-cause, you deserve to feel there is a path forward. You may be sensitive, empathic and thoughtful and expect the same in others. These traits may cause you to take on unnecessary burdens. When others disappoint, you feel it personally. Reframe your negative talk and practice self-compassion. Is your negative self-talk creating this negative picture? Instead, tell yourself that it is NOT about you. Unless and until someone tells you that it is your fault, don’t take it on. More than likely, the other person was busy and didn’t even consider the impact of their actions. ### **Could It Be From a Past Hurt?** Check in with yourself. Could a past experience be coloring your lens? Separate facts from fiction. Have things been hard on you lately? When your thalamus is on high alert, it recognizes elements from the past and sounds an alarm in your brain. Your thalamus wants to alert, and protect you, from a past situation. An emotional reaction does not prove that something is true. Could you be interpreting this situation based on anxiety and assuming the worst? ### **Who is Giving Their Opinion?** Do you value this person’s opinion? Is the relationship new or old? Valued and reciprocal? Do they tend to be critical, often late, ignore texts, make zinger comments or engage in other behavior that irritate you? Ask yourself, **“***Does this person’s judgement count or hold up?*” ### **Stop Letting Things Bother You by Halting the Negative Rumination Cycle** Honor and name your feelings. Identify the triggers, the impact, and acknowledge the wound it has created in your body and mind. Have you started to spiral and enter fight, flight or freeze mode? Is this bringing up past feelings? To stop dwelling and ruminating, shift your physical circumstances with a “pattern interrupt.” Modify your thoughts with pre-arranged strategies intended to halt the negative ruminative cycle. This may be changing your environment, listening to music, engaging in physical activity, practicing mindfulness or seeking out a pleasurable activity. ### **Create Self-Protection Strategies** Ramp up your self-talk, create self-protection strategies and limit your contact with critical people who are prone to treat you badly. Remind yourself that this is their negative, critical self-talk. As one of my clients says, “*This is a THEM problem not a ME problem*.” Seek and nurture a circle of supportive people who do not engage in emotionally toxic behavior. ### **Take an Honest Look** Sometimes people share constructive feedback. In this case, you can say, “*I am working on this*.” Before you allow yourself to fall into the rumination cycle, take an honest looks at the situation or advice. If feedback is given in the right way, it can promote positive self-evaluation. If not given in the right way, remind yourself of your strengths, your values and reframe with more positive self-talk. Most importantly, have pride in how far you have come! ### **Don’t Give Your Power Away** – By allowing others to upset you, you are in effect allowing them to dictate how you feel. Don’t give them power over you. Instead, quickly change your thought, take a few deep breaths and tell yourself this is a THEM problem. ## **You Know Who You Are. Stop Letting Things Bother You!** Rely on yourself to know what is true about you. Don’t put your trust into someone else to define who you as a person. If you take things personally, you tie yourself to someone else’s judgement. You are not a victim nor a prisoner, so don’t go down the rabbit hole of rumination and self-doubt. Social Skills Deeper Dive https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills **[February 3 and 10, 2022](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)** – **[For Adults with ADHD who struggle to navigate social dynamics ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)**[**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) – 2-Part Seminar with Caroline Maguire [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**Post navigation  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults **Tags:** Rejection Sensitivity --- ### [How You Can Help Your Kid with ADHD by Understanding a Theory by Relationship Guru's John & Julie Gottman](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-you-can-help-your-adhd-kid-by-understanding-a-theory-by-relationship-gurus-john-julie-gottman/) **Published:** February 8, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## **What is the “Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic?”** This dynamic, from the work of Dr. John Gottman, Julie Gottman and Terry Gaspard, affects all of one’s relationships over a lifespan. In this post, we address specifically the impact on family relationships when a child or partner has ADHD. ## **How Do John and Julie Gottman Explain this Dynamic?** When emotional flooding takes hold, children, teenagers or adults with ADHD tend to lock onto an argument, behavior or opinion. Held captive by emotional dysregulation, they often “pursue” parents, partner or friends – long after the other party has asked for a break. This might take the form of arguing, texting or following in an effort to continue the argument. Escalation often pursues in all parties, especially in the individual with ADHD, particularly when the other party does not respond. \[Read more, [Children with ADHD: Does it Ever Get Better?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/children-with-adhd/) [Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/)\] ### **Pausing Does Not De-escalate the Situation** Parents or children often try to use strategies such as pausing in order to attempt to de-escalate an argument. But this strategy rarely works with clients with ADHD because they of the continued engagement. The person with ADHD often continues the pursuit, demanding resolution, further discussion, or answers. Hence, the onslaught of the Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic. The Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic is further exacerbated by each party’s anxiety, history of trauma or rejection sensitivity or their level of emotional control. ## **Who Is the Distancer and Who is the Pursuer?** Terry Gaspard, The Remarriage Manual, pioneered research into the Distancer and Pursuer dynamic often cited in couples work of Dr. John Gottman. According to Gaspard: The Distancer is the person who withdraws physically or emotionally and tries to end the conversation. They are often emotionally unavailable or desires space to process and cope with the situation. The Pursuer is the person who tries to continue the conversation, connect and communicate. They often feel abandoned and desire closeness. The Distancer desires calm and distance. The Pursuer desires closeness. Often this dynamic is exacerbated because the Distancer does not know or share how much time or distance they need. This leaves the pursuer feeling abandoned and the cycle continues. Research by Dr. John and Julie Gottman shows that many couple’s relationships fall into this push-pull cycle. This cycle is also prevalent in parent and children, teens and young adults with ADHD relationships. For people with ADHD the root cause of their “Pursuer” or “Distancer” tendencies may link back to rejection sensitivity, attachment patterns from past caregivers, insecurities, hyper-focus, self-regulation, trauma, intensity of emotions, or emotional flooding. ### **Why Do People Withdraw?** There are varied reasons for why people withdraw but many involve intense emotions, arguments, disappointments and the relationships dissatisfaction. ## 9 **Strategies to Cope with the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic:** As with most heated conflicts, it is rarely beneficial to try to reach a resolution when tempers are flared. The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic is driven by emotional regulation; or rather the lack thereof. Parents are often baffled – and disturbed – by this dynamic and don’t understand what strategies to employ. #### Time Out – Set an alarm for a specific amount of time for a break for no more than 10 minutes and agree on this time. #### Create a Phrase – Use this phrase – that you agree upon prior, when not in conflict – to recognize the distancer-pursuer dynamic. #### Recognize Your Role – Calm yourself enough to witness whether you are in the distancer or pursuer mindset. #### Be Kind – Recognize that there may be many triggers in play. Do your best to reassure the pursuer. Help the pursuer with the abandonment issues by communicating that you respect them and want to work things out. #### Identify What Happens After Time Out – The Distancer should honor their commitment to return at the agreed-upon time, but they are not obligated to “re-engage” or return to the argument. #### Address Your Self-Talk – If you find that you are thinking hateful thoughts, remove yourself even further if necessary. Remember, you love this person. #### Register the Intensity – It is important to identify your emotions and the intensity. Take a break daily to build your mindfulness. #### Add Safety Plans – Unfortunately, arguments may escalate physically. If this is of concern, make arrangements in advance on how to protect yourself and children. Talk about Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic and help the parties witness the cycle. ## The Parent-Child Relationship Of all the relationships, this should truly be a unique bond that every child and parent can enjoy and nurture. It nurtures **the physical, emotional and social development of the child**. Creating a lifelong, successful relationship lays the foundation for the child’s personality, life choices and overall behavior. ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) > [Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone – March 2022](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills-training-how-to-get-along-with-everyone-march-2022/) > [Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone – April 2022](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills-training-how-to-get-along-with-everyone-april-2022/) https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/master-class-how-to-stop-oversharing-as-an-adult-with-adhd-april-2022 [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Adolescence, Families **Tags:** social skills in kids --- ### [How to Practice Mindfulness and Self-Care](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-practice-mindfulness-and-self-care/) **Published:** February 27, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** A BIG shout out to those of you who answered my survey. Of particular note, it is apparent that many of you are exhausted and not practicing self-care. I am therefore dedicating this blog and newsletter to How to Practice Self-Care and Mindfulness in times of stress. I personally find the exercises below to be very helpful in helping to calm my inner turmoil. **We are all in this social crisis together!** If you haven’t filled out a survey, please consider doing so – it helps me better prepare content for you: [Survey for Parents](https://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?f=001nfzlzNjkqiOpDPbYyzTvYz_GRELF9BDoaJZAWsYGirX7JZfrGgECd8J757IC6HCDxi5XwvRT0Z-Zu1i3hBzEtTEdepx-Yxc6ZrfD1r6ezvS7fhjrWadYyl791p2KkcatGvRrrOjI2RnoZDytK_HFzhXgOYXQ4IoXymK5BB-K0UCKHgWuvjzK4beZXCRMK4Vbbyx4TKo6BvUVZRP6rk_NMfnBQMM55VIO1x8Oglrcn1U=&c=5afB1LlRyS3P8UPYOdIiZ_qqtLcM43dgRPYC9awVT6-B_xUeTdnxNg==&ch=3lYnS_d37YQ8aaoCkt7R9ZlQ7EBBFas0C-8mv4l8kCIbBqoB1d6htw==) [Survey for Educators](https://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?f=001nfzlzNjkqiOpDPbYyzTvYz_GRELF9BDoaJZAWsYGirX7JZfrGgECd8J757IC6HCD_Jk3YBPvCL93fPovpXVS54EFvLlZCZBpFiDLgaTkUoF31sr2RdVQxgaZm8gqtyqP9EE5kYYOnYj2vusDXH54yRMGL0hzfskAvQDLvwB4FBd5U90AfvkS7eYrc9QSoPeVgnLcPrypwaIDvQDgk2McWuZtS_8uWySU1poGHcWxEGw=&c=5afB1LlRyS3P8UPYOdIiZ_qqtLcM43dgRPYC9awVT6-B_xUeTdnxNg==&ch=3lYnS_d37YQ8aaoCkt7R9ZlQ7EBBFas0C-8mv4l8kCIbBqoB1d6htw==) [Survey for Adults](https://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?f=001nfzlzNjkqiOpDPbYyzTvYz_GRELF9BDoaJZAWsYGirX7JZfrGgECd_IzzPR3KmHpKcnBbf5Vjx492E74sS55TpHWFOf6Cmp8BWKjeHCTYth4_qcBgZkuWMW4Od3YbwCDQg4hdtyibKiZMhjiHcdXw9rKanQkHTuo24REWbUe2Mp81herCya8Rv9r-Tfbh_acU79nCcGeAKXDJEImPCvI2f_Pp1TywsPmOOc2DrRSKFU=&c=5afB1LlRyS3P8UPYOdIiZ_qqtLcM43dgRPYC9awVT6-B_xUeTdnxNg==&ch=3lYnS_d37YQ8aaoCkt7R9ZlQ7EBBFas0C-8mv4l8kCIbBqoB1d6htw==) ### “How do you feel you are portraying yourself as a role model recently?” Here are a few responses from **Parents**: - *“My weakness is being consistent and accountable.”* - *“Not good.”* - *“Could improve my own stress management and emotional regulation when irritated.”* - *“Poorly.”* - *“Lately I am very disappointed that I am angry all the time. AND, I am not being a good role model in how to handle or diffuse anger. I’m really bummed about it.”* - *“I am not attending to my health but I honestly don’t think my kids notice.”* - *“I did not have conflict management modelled for me so I’m struggling modelling for my children. Often the loudest/angriest/meanest person wins, and that is NOT the model I want for them.”* Here are a few responses from **Educators:** - *“Everyone is stressed out and there are no subs.”* - *“Stress level is chronic and fluctuating. Discipline issues are up as well as soc/emotional needs for staff and students.”* - *“I am exhausted, burnt out, frustrated, overworked, underpaid.”* - *“I have many responsibilities and pressures and often feel overwhelmed.”* Free download for educators ### Good Social Emotional News: Interspersed in these comments are positive reflections – yay! So not all is doom and gloom, but the overall message I get is that most of us are on the cusp of exhaustion. ## 4 Valuable Mindfulness and Self-Care Exercises You Can Do Anywhere ### 1. **3 Minute Mindfulness Exercises** #### **(as these exercises work especially well for people with ADHD – they will work well for everyone):** - Eat a box of raisins while noting the texture, sweetness, and plumpness of each raisin. - Focus on your feet – are they warm, cold, heavy, light, tingling, tired, moving - Count to 4 as you breath in through your nose. Count to 6 as you breath out through your mouth. Repeat. - Hold your hand right in front of your belly. Breathe deeply until your belly moves out to touch your hand. Exhale. Repeat. - Intentionally yawn. See how many times you make yourself yawn in a row. - Do a quick body scan. Do you notice sensations in your toes, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips, belly, chest, arms, elbows, fingers, back, neck, chin, forehead, ears, top of your head? - Unclench your jaw. Feel your tongue in your mouth. Relax your tongue as if it were liquid resting like a pool. - Close your eyes. Relax your forehead. - Squeeze your hands tightly into fists. Really clench them. Then, relax them with an out breath. Really let them be limp. Repeat. - Listen for sounds in your area. Can you shift your attention from one to another? - Try S.T.O.P. **Stop** by hitting the pause button on your activities. **Take a breath**. **Observe** yourself in the present moment. **Proceed** in an intentional way. - **Courtesy of Casey Dixon, PCC Mindfulness Expert** ### 2. The Seven Big Benefits of Pausing for People with ADHD Ultimately, the quality of life for individuals with ADHD is affected by their ability to pause and use self-restraint – essentially applying your mind’s mental brakes. Pausing is the difference between reacting with old patterns of negative behavior that result in dire consequences, versus consciously responding by discerning your optimal options -before taking action- which can lead to a better outcome. The seven benefits are: • Improved self-restraint • Improved emotional intelligence • Prompts to remember to mindfully breathe deeply • Balance of the emotional and the rationale parts of your brain to reduce stress • Redirection of intrusive, negative, and anxious thoughts • Improved ability to discern and make optimal decisions • Empowerment so you focus on what’s best in you – **Read more from David Giwerc, MCAC, MCC Founder/President of the** [ADD Coach Academy](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/ADHD-Blog-Details/the_seven_big_benefits_of_pausing_for_people_with_adhd/) – **Read More about t[he importance of The Pause](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-pause-saves-the-day/)** https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/ADHD-Blog-Details/the_seven_big_benefits_of_pausing_for_people_with_adhd ### 3. Havening Havening, the transitive verb of the word haven, means to put into a safe place. This may be a new concept for many of you, yet some forms of this approach have been around for decades. [**Scarlett Lewis of the Choose Love Movement**](https://chooselovemovement.org/) introduced me to this methodology and I am proud to say I have completed the training. I stand by the validity of this extraordinary neuroscience application whose benefits include the ability to release long standing problems, pain and disturbing memories. \[[Havening.org](https://www.havening.org)\] https://www.havening.org Start with Havening ### 4. Listening Communication is more important than ever, yet we devote less and less time to really listening to one another. When you think about it, listening is a gift – the gift of time. It helps solve problems, build friendships and careers, save money and relationships, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, develop resourceful, self-reliant kids and improve accuracy. ***What could be more important?*** ### 10 Tips to Building Effective Listening Skills. Listening looks#### **Step 1: Maintain eye contact** Turn your face toward your conversational partners. Set aside distractions and look at them even if they don’t look at you. https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-stop-avoiding-eye-contact #### **Step 2: Be present** Give the other person your full attention. #### **Step 3: Don’t Jump to conclusions** Listen without judging so you can better understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings. #### **Step 4: Create a picture** In your mind, imagine either a literal picture, or a mental model of what is being said so you can stay focused and informed. **Educators**: An effective activity with your class is Drawing a *Martian* p. 200 from [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) Drawing a *Martian* p. 200 from [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) #### **Step 5: Don’t interrupt and offer unwanted advice** Interrupting implies you are more important, busy, smarter, etc than they are. Wait for your turn to talk, and don’t jump in with solutions unless asked. #### **Step 6: Ask for clarification** I struggle with this one, but it is a great skill to have. If you are unclear about something, don’t interrupt mid-sentence. Instead wait for a pause and then ask ask for details. #### **Step 7: Don’t side rail the conversation** Ask questions that keep the conversation on track, not ones that can lead the speaker astray. #### **Step 8: Try to empathize** Convey empathy through your facial expressions and words. Empathy is the heart and soul of good listening. #### **Step 9: Reflect back** Restate instructions and messages to be sure you understand correctly. #### **Step 10: Look for nonverbal cues** Words convey only a fraction of the message. You can glean a great deal of information about each other without saying a word by tuning into the tone and cadence of the other person’s voice and body gestures. ### The Importance of Mindfulness and Self-Care I hope that these *Self*–*Care* and *Mindfulness* tips are of value to you. Please send me your feedback and suggestions. Making sure our own needs are met is as important as taking *care* of those we love most. [](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, Educators, Families, Parenting, Social Emotional Learning, Social Skills Development **Tags:** Self-Care --- ### [Why Your Sarcastic Tone Is Such a Turn Off to Friends, Family & Co-workers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-your-sarcastic-tone-is-such-a-turn-off-to-friends-family-co-workers/) **Published:** March 8, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Words matter, yet sometimes how you say something is heard more loudly than what you said. Your tone greatly impacts how your words are perceived. As we know from experience, kind and gentle tones are welcoming while snarky or sarcastic tones rarely go over well. This holds true whether you are in a difficult parenting dynamic, dealing with a spouse or partner, explaining your point of view to friends, collaborating [at work](https://belatina.com/respect-wrangling-how-to-claim-your-worth-at-work/) or simply trying to better understand another person’s view in a casual conversation. “Tone,” as defined by Dictionary.com is ‘pitch, volume.’ It can distinguish ‘attitude, spirit, air, approach, expression, inflection, intonation, timbre, quality and style.’ It is crucial that you not only recognize your tone of voice but that you also know how to control it to appropriately convey your message. ## **Types of Tone** **Sarcasm** is mainly used to say the opposite of what’s true, and often to make the other person feel off-guard or foolish. Sarcasm is all about the context and tone of voice, which is why it works better verbally. There tends to be a bite or bitterness in the words. You’ll know when you hear it. Be sure to use caution when using it, or you can come across as rude. **Snide** often includes mockery, smart aleck. **Sassy** is often spirited, outspoken, bold or cheeky. Note: witty is good, sarcastic is often not. You don’t want to come across as obnoxious, passive-aggressive, offensive, rude or angry. **Exercise**: Try to guess what people are saying through verbal and nonverbal communication. For instance, when a person says “yup,” and then “I got it,” in a sharp tone, what is the person trying to tell you with his tone of voice? **\[Deeper Dive, pgs 123-125 and 185-189 in [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)\]** Practice managing your tone of voice to ensure others feelings arent hurt## **How to Manage Your Tone and Why it Matters** How our words are perceived, and how we communicate verbally and nonverbally with others, represents the majority of all communications. Communication is 7% verbal and 93% non-verbal which includes facial expressions, gestures, postures, and tone. Tone of voice makes up 38 % of all communication, making it one of the most important factors that influence how we convey our opinion, feelings, and thoughts. It’s easy to be deceptive with your words, but it’s a lot harder to fake a tone of voice. In fact, tone of voice may be an essential element to the success of any relationship. For instance, If you thank someone with a sarcastic tone, it may be perceived as insulting or angry. ## **How to Ensure What You Mean to Say Comes Across in Your Tone** ### Step 1: Consider what and how you really want to say how you feel – It is harder to fake tone than it is to choose our words. Words can be crafted, but tone is hard to fake. Make sure you are in the right head space before you say something complimentary when inside you are feeling angry. ### Step 2: Listen to how you sound – Truly try to hear how you sound to others. Telling someone you are “fine” when you are not, will probably not come across as fine. If you say it with an eye roll or a sarcastic tone, the tone will be heard above the words. How we sound matters just as much, if not more, than what we say. ### Step 3: Choose a positive tone of voice – An occasional sarcastic tone may be OK from time to time, but if used too often, it will come across as rude. In fact, when you use a polite tone of voice, it not only impacts others positively, but you as well. ### Step 4: Practice, Practice – In EVERY conversation, in order to “hit the nail on the head,” we must practice in advance. Pause, breath and set your intention to saying things in a positive tone. This is not natural for most of us; so practice at home, with friends, in the shower, etc. ## **Sarcastic Tone in Written Correspondence** Don’t allow the veil of the internet to cloud your intent in emails, direct messages, blog post comments, or social media posts. It is common to miss the mark when aiming for a public-appropriate or diplomatic tone. Off-the-cuff comments that include a sarcastic tone can alienate others, inspire retaliation and even ruin a reputation. Written correspondence should aim toward making colleagues, bosses and decision makers to gravitate “to” you. Aim for composed, articulate and diplomatic dialog at all times. - **Carefully balance emotions with pragmatism** – After thoughtfully writing out your response, ask yourself: Does the content add a new viewpoint and educate or does it elicit an emotion, attack or accusation? - **Offer facts** – Highlight concrete, objective information to meaningfully support your feelings on a matter. - **Explain your conclusions** – Steer away from attacks aimed at proving how clever you are. Instead, the “why’s” and “how’s” that made you arrive at your conclusion. Encourage the reader to understand your point of view as much as possible. - **Be concise yet detailed** – No one wants to read lines and lines of text, yet not providing enough content can leave the reader looking for answers and understanding. - **Write from the heart, then edit** – Lay out the essence of your emotions first, then slash out negative or harsh tones and inject insight and positive sentiment. Aim for an end-result that represents you as an engaging and respectable person, one that will educate and attract. Even those who oppose your opinion may still be drawn to you as an emotionally and intellectually-respected person. ## **Model Positive Behavior** Do you ever find yourself next to someone who you may find boring or strange? We all have at some point. Our instinct may be to turn our shoulder, let our eyes wander or even respond using a sarcastic tone. Your kids and others are watching. Don’t just talk, walk the walk. Demonstrate the proper way to treat people. Sit with the mom who kind of irritates you and give her a chance. You might be surprised what you learn about – and from – her. (read more on [**how to model appropriate behavior**](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire/as-parents-are-we-doing-enough-7103df56a77d)) ## **Your Ability to Communicate is a Critical Life Skill** We’ve been told that we need to stick up for ourselves and ask for what we need. Afterall, communication is required in virtually every relationship, opportunity and experience. Sarcasm is everywhere and in everyday speech: in literature, on screens, in homes and coffee houses and in backyards. It can tell you a lot about the personality of a character. ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) > [Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone – March 2022](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills-training-how-to-get-along-with-everyone-march-2022/) https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/master-class-how-to-stop-oversharing-as-an-adult-with-adhd-april-2022/embed/#?secret=pYYXjwIQye [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) – HOW TO help children build social skills** **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults, Social Emotional Learning, Social Skills Development **Tags:** Non Verbal, social skills in adults --- ### [How To Make Friends as a Teenager When You're Shy & Insecure](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-friends-as-a-teenager-when-youre-shy-insecure/) **Published:** March 17, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** When trying to figuring out how to make friends as a teenager or join a group, more often than not, teens experience genuine social anxiety and fear. Some teens have a long history of rejection and social anxiety. They may feel awkward and not confident in their own skin. As they approach friendships and relationships, they need help and support to foster feelings of “I can” rather than “I can’t.” Despite your best efforts, they may resist help and support. Embarrassment, overwhelm and pain may make this subject hard for them to address. ## **Reasons Why It Is Hard to Make Friends as a Teenager:** ### **Shy or introverted** – Although shyness is an emotion and introversion is a personality type, both affect how a person feels and behaves around others. These teens exhibit feelings of being uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or insecure and may exhibit physical sensations such as feeling flush in the face, trouble speaking or difficulty breathing. ### **Past experiences** – These teens have had a hard time in the past when they did reach out, and are still processing the pain, embarrassment and rejection. ### **Don’t know how** – They want to join but don’t know how to, so they “fly” around groups, yet never immersing. ### **Avoiders** – These teens avoid social interactions, often at any cost. ## **Strategies On How to Make Friends as a Teenager:** ### **Shy or introverted** – **Build Self-Confidence**. **Example**: Provide opportunities for your teen to speak up. Many teens are passive and do not advocate for themselves. Ordering meals, taking care of banking needs, discussing the pet’s problems with a vet are examples of how you can coach assertiveness skills and how to do things for themselves. For this group, encouraging them to meet new people and discover their talents is also important. \[Learn more: [Moving from “hi” to full conversation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/), [Joining a Group Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/)\] ### **Past experiences** – **Recall a time they successfully navigated a difficult situation.** **Example**: If we don’t learn from mistakes, we may not only continue them, but we also do not develop maturity and resilience. Coach the teen to recall a time when they overcame something difficult, how they did it, and how it made them feel. Help them extract and utilize the lessons they learned from planning, speaking up, problem-solving and self-calming. ### **Don’t know how** – **Create a mental picture and a plan.** **Example**: Some teens formulate their weekend plans by Monday and it may seem that everyone else had already formed plans and groups. For this teen, who wants to join but just doesn’t know how to approach the group, help her mentally vision what she will look like, act like, wear and say when she approaches a group. Help her create a plan of how to do it, including when, whom to approach, what to ask, etc. In this “mind-mime”, she will be able to see herself in action, stepping in to the act and even gesturing the movements. \[Learn more: [Mind-mine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQlVZeldezo), and [Building a Conversation graphic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)\] ### **Avoiders** – **Find the Facts**. For this group, it is all about fact-finding. We want to talk about the fears and the “new normal” of avoiding. I offer lots of open questions suggestions in [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) – to explore what gets in the way and what is the price to pay for not joining in? **Example**: Many teens don’t know how to make chit chat. I recommend the strategy Social Spy, to allow the teen to covertly view others to figure out what they say, how they say it, how they move the conversation along, etc. Research in advance questions to ask such as, “How is your day going?” “What about that math assignment?!” “Are you nervous too about the tennis match this afternoon?” ### **Future thinking** Thinking about and planning for the future is an essential life trait. Imagining a scenario, creating a plan and then physically role playing with siblings, cousins, etc. on how to fit in creates optimism, particularly when viewing the problems opportunities. Having a plan (I have also seen videos) on how to move forward that includes “this” but not “that” while drawing on past similar situations not only helps us fit in, but builds resiliency. ## **Making Friends as a Teenager:** **Moving From Nervous, Formal and Stiff to Social** The more opportunities teens are exposed to, the better they will see that the world is not all doom and gloom. I have exercises in my book on how to help them build this mindset, including: building a tower, steps of mixing in, being too fast/slow, acting out your approach, moving conversation from [“Hi” to a real conversation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/). ## **Believe “I Can”** Internal stories and confidence are what I have found to be the biggest road blocks to socializing. When a teen is struggling with a belief that it won’t work out, convince them to exit their comfort zone and really try. This works best when practicing on kids they never see again. Practice yields confidence. Getting kids to try is covered a lot in my book. Every kid needs a place to shine, feel good and have a sense of strength. If I can help you more, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Making Friends **Tags:** social skills in kids --- ### [Fight Flight Freeze: How Does Your Fear Of Rejection Show Up In Social Situations?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/fight-flight-freeze-rejection-in-social-situations/) **Published:** March 22, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It is common for people with ADHD to feel emotions more intensely, to have less friends and fewer invites, and to experience greater rejection than our neurotypical peers. Ever find yourself wanting to mingle and chat, yet you’re haunted by past mistakes? Do you struggle to pay attention to the person you are talking to, but you’re overwhelmed by negative thoughts and self-criticism? Have you over-reacted when someone doesn’t respond to your phone call, making you feel they are ignoring you, or even purposely trying to hurt you? Can you get caught up in verbally processing what others are saying and then begin blurting out Too Much Information (TMI)? Have you ducked into the restroom because your anxiety got too overwhelming? ## **The Result of Past Rejection** You have been rejected before, in fact, probably many times before. The result? Now, even little, perceived or expected rejection can make you feel uneasy and apprehensive. The actual cause or intensity of the situation is often not proportional to the reaction. Even if we sense rejection, our bodies may go into Fight, Flight or Freeze mode – an ancient alert system designed to save us from a charging Saber Tooth Tiger! We end up in a terrifying cascade of emotions and reactions that feel terrible. ## **Rejection Sensitivity – What is it and How Does it Impact Adults with ADHD?** Rejection Sensitivity (RS) – “The tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and intensely react to rejection.” RS can be a huge issue for people with ADHD because of our difficulty in regulating emotions. Most of us have a long history of actual rejection. Feeling emotions intensely can actually physically hurt, which in turn impacts our willingness and ability to solidify meaningful relationships. \[For more on this important topic, watch the video on [**How to Deal With Rejection Sensitivity**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM3azhiOy5E) I created with **Jessica McCabe of [How to ADHD](http://www.howtoadhd.com)** (If you have ADHD as an adult, you must check her out!\] ## Why “Just Reach Out” Isn’t So Simple As an adult with ADHD, when we try to engage socially, we often personally interpret even the slightest change in tone or response to text or comment, which in turn triggers Rejection Sensitivity. You may get angry, cry, or say things that will eventually lead to the rejection. To avoid these sensations, many of us end up people-pleasing, not inviting others or not asking for what we need or is in our best interest. ## **How Intense is The Emotion?** I created a tool – The 4 R’s – to help you gauge an emotion’s intensity. Each step centers on helping you figure out how intense your emotions feel in order and what strategies to employ. #### Get Your Free Download of the [Intensity Meter](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/)**get your free intensity meter tool** [httpscarolinemaguireauthor Comproductintensity meter]()### **Recognize – Step #1** – Identify the intensity of the emotion(s). Are you in the “Red”: Is your face flushed? Are you fighting back tears? Is your stomach or fist clenched? Or are you in neutral Yellow or relaxed Green? The higher emotions go up, the more cognitive ability goes down. ### **Respond – Step #2 –** Recognize where you are on the intensity meter and respond with an appropriate strategy. **Green** – This is the lowest of intensities, where you are primarily in a positive space. You can engage in dopamine production strategies such as walking in bare feet (a grounding activity), sewing, doing crafts, and engaging in guided meditation. This is a time to implement daily preventative strategies to help you cope with inevitable stressors and triggers. **Yellow** – This is the middle ground of intensity, as you are elevated emotionally yet still have control over your emotions. Employ the portable strategies you have developed during the Green phase in order to calm your limbic system and help avoid moving into Fight, Flight or Freeze. Avoid conflict and put your energy into getting back into the Green. Walk the dog, take deep breaths in and out, engage in something creative or a mindfulness activity, cuddle a pet, or meditate. I recommend a technique called Havening to self-soothe and calm your limbic system \[Learn More: [Havening.org](https://www.havening.org/) \] **Red** – In this state, you may be entering Fight, Flight or Freeze mode. When emotions are in the red – or very high – it is not the time to act out, bring up heated topics or ask for things that may not be granted. Quickly take advantage of the calming strategies you have developed in advance. I find physical activities to lessen the effects of increased blood pressure, struggles breathing and a rapid heart rate are best in order to prevent falling into the Fight, Flight and Freeze cycle. These include jogging or jumping jacks to expel energy and increase serotonin and dopamine levels. ### 3. **Reflect – Step #3 –** Double, triple check your reasoning. Ask yourself, “What story am I telling myself?” “What evidence is there that this story is true?” “What else could it be?” This is super important because our initial interpretation of a situation is often incorrect due to heightened emotions or personalization. Further, when we perceive rejection, even if it isn’t true, we will be more likely to react and anticipate rejection in the future. ### 4. **Reframe – Step #4** – Consider other possible reasons for their response. Perhaps they didn’t accept the invitation because they were busy, or already saw that movie. Often, what we perceive as rejection is just a conflict of needs. ## **What If You Need More Help?** Healthy, realistic interpretations of others’ reactions is critical for your emotional wellbeing. If these strategies don’t work for you, or if RS is a significant issue for you, consider working with a therapist. Evaluating past situations can help you move forward in a more confident manner. In addition, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), a form of CBT, or even a CBT workbook that you can use on your own, can help you work through these issues. ## **What if All of This is Still Not Working?** If this is the case, work on your social skills to help reduce the risk of being rejected in the future. My upcoming workshop may be just the ticket! [**Master Class – How To Stop OverSharing As An Adult with ADHD**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/master-class-how-to-stop-oversharing-as-an-adult-with-adhd-april-2022/) https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/master-class-how-to-stop-oversharing-as-an-adult-with-adhd-april-2022 ## Social Skills in Action – ### **B*ecome your best self: socially engaged, confident, and open to the unlimited world of learning and connection.*** #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Master Class – How To Stop OverSharing As An Adult with ADHD**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/master-class-how-to-stop-oversharing-as-an-adult-with-adhd-april-2022/) **How to Deal With Rejection Sensitivity** [**Don’t wait to seek help. Trust your gut**](https://academyatthelakes.org/2019/09/dont-wait-to-seek-help-trust-your-gut/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) – HOW TO help children build social skills** **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)**  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, Adults --- ### [Triggers and The Need for Emotional Regulation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/triggers-and-emotional-regulation/) **Published:** March 30, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Have you ever yelled at your partner or kids, typed something you later wish you hadn’t sent or told off someone in a parking lot? Then you may have been emotionally-hijacked. Who hasn’t witnessed – or experienced – the pain caused by a lack of emotional regulation? Most of us, if triggered enough, have acted in a way that embarrasses us. It takes only a second, actually even less than that, for an impulsive act to have lifetime repercussions. ## **What is Emotional Regulation?** CASEL defines self-management as, “The ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively in different situations.” Self-management is synonymous with self-regulation. Examples of self-regulation skills include, but are not limited to: Managing stress. Controlling impulses. [**Read More at Casel.org**](https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/what-is-the-casel-framework/) It means being able to manage triggers healthily without inappropriate, spontaneous reactions. ## **What Emotional Regulation Is Not** Emotional control is the ability to shut down the actions that accompany feelings; not shutting down the feelings themselves. The goal is not to suppress emotions, rather, it is to detach ourselves from the negative feelings. We must learn to hit the “pause button” to delay or even halt the impulsive and disruptive reactions. You can’t demand that your feelings not surface, nor can you deny that they exist. Instead, you need to understand the feelings and learn to manage them with empathy. This is what makes up emotional intelligence and it is a lot harder to do than we like to think. ### **1. We All Have Emotional Regulation Triggers** You are fully aware that losing your “cool” is not socially acceptable. You have honed your ability to exercise emotional control – in most situations – and yet, no matter how collected, mature, and professional you are most of the time, something will set you off! ### **2. Understand Your Triggers** Take effort to better understand what your emotional triggers are. Maybe it is an attack of a loved one, or it is a personal attack that you feel is unjust or that you have worked hard at remediating. A real or perceived threat can hijack our thinking-brain. When our reptilian brains overtake our thinking brains, we often have a lapse in judgement. ### **Is It a Lapse in Judgement or an Amygdala Hijack?** Making good choices and exercising self-control involve higher level executive functions. When we engage in executive function activities, we access the frontal lobe(s), the largest part of the brain. An actual or perceived threat can trigger the amygdala and thus hijack our rational processes. This often results in a fight, flight, or freeze response. \[I wrote more on this in **[last week’s blog](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/making-friends-when-you-have-adhd/)**\] ### **3. Acknowledge When It Happens** Ugh! It happened! Now what? Shame and embarrassment makes us want to hide. Admitting wrongdoing is hard, yet I encourage you to acknowledge it – to yourself, to those impacted and to those who witnessed it. A public, transparent apology that ideally addresses the wrong-doing, will help dissipate the impact. ### **4. Speak to Yourself with Compassion** Next, as soon as you are able, take care to make amends. The admittance and apology does not have to be lengthy. It should, however, be authentic with a genuine desire to make amends. It is important that you are emotionally ready to as it could come across as insincere. The goal is to demonstrate honesty and remorse. Some wounds trigger our emotional response. Consider sharing what triggered you with people you trust. Try to create a circle of support so you feel less alone and be sure to speak to yourself with compassion; we all do our best every day. ## **Moving Forward:** **Develop a Pause Button** When you learn to harness the executive functions of your brain and train yourself to recognize uncomfortable feelings, to process them and then to wait before acting, you will see that they will pass. They are only feelings and others will come and go. This is not easy, but it is a critical goal in your personal development. **\[Read [Pause Saves the Day](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-pause-saves-the-day/),** and **How to Deal With Rejection Sensitivity\]** ## Emotional Regulation Takes Time More than likely, you have reacted instinctively to a trigger that you have later regretted. Forgive yourself and do your best to remove yourself from the situation in order to calm down (bathrooms can be a wonderful sanctuary!) Emotional outbursts happen, but if they become habitual, they can derail career opportunities and relationships. No one can master emotional regulation in a day. Emotional control is a work-on for life — for everyone. Even for those at the very top of their game. Do you know what your triggers are?  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ### [10 Phrases to Move the Conversation Along](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-phrases-to-move-the-conversation-along/) **Published:** April 5, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Juggling the many aspects of a reciprocal conversation can be hard for people with ADHD. Sometimes, we talk and talk without really engaging with the other person. We talk AT them rather than with them, and then we experience, shame, embarrassment and rumination—replaying the interaction for days. ## **What is a Reciprocal Conversation?** When two or more parties engage in back-and-forth communication that develops into increasingly extended conversations, it is called reciprocal conversation and it tends to benefit both parties. This give and take manner, back and forth engagement enables an exchange in order to gain a mutual benefit. ## **Parts of a Reciprocal Conversation:** ##### \[I go into much more detail in my post [**How To Make Small Talk**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/)\] 1\. **Walk up to the person** – face them and stand about an arm’s length away. 2\. **Look for the signs that tell you it’s OK to start a conversation** – If they are talking to someone else, it’s good to wait until they’re finished. A sign that they are ready can include looking at you. You can also initiate by asking a question, such as, “How have you been?” Everyone loves to share their story. 3\. **Start the conversation** – First say ‘Hello’ and say their first name, if you know it. For example, ‘Hi Mike’. Follow this with something general, such as “How are you?” or ‘It’s nice to see you’. If you are speaking to an adult or elder person, consider saying “Hello” instead. 4\. **Take Turns** – Listen for their contribution, answer their questions and allow them to answer yours. 5\. **Check if they are interested** – Ask questions to help engage the other person. 6\. **Talk about mutual interests** – Try talking about things that you know the other person likes as well as things that you like. For example, video games, tv series, sports, etc are easy to talk about. Steer clear of saying things that can make the other person uncomfortable or hurt their feelings. 7\. **Tell a tight story so people can tell what you are trying to convey to them** – See Below for phrases that can help you focus, get to the point and keep others’ interest. 8\. **End the conversation** – To wind things down, you can say something like, ‘It has been nice talking to you, but I need to run. Saying this before walking away allows you to wrap up. ## **How to Manage the Elements of a Reciprocal Conversation** It can sometimes feel daunting to manage all the aspects of a reciprocal conversation. **My Big Tip:** Work on one piece at a time. Don’t expect all pieces to be as you would like them, at least not initially. Evaluate where are you, what is in the middle and where do you want to go? ## **Tell a Tighter Story** A critical element to telling a tighter story is to avoid monologuing. As you are trying to make a story tighter, it’s important to focus on the key details people need to know. Ask yourself, “What does John need to know about this story?” To help you focus and stay on track, I offer short phrases intended to sum up your message and speed things along. You asked for a blog about these comments. So here you go!! ## **10 Phrases to Get to The Point Quickly** These comments help you skip unnecessary details and help you tell the person what you want them to know about your story. For example, if I am describing how I became a coach, or why our vacation was stressful, I adapt my message depending on the audience. Then I might use one (or more) of these phrases to sum up and keep the story on track. 1. Taken all together (Huck Finn) 2. Summing up 3. To fast forward 4. Long story short 5. Skipping to the end 6. In a nutshell 7. To be brief 8. When all is said and done 9. At the end of the day 10. Let me cut to the chase ## Why Bother Having Conversations? The ability to connect and inspire is an essential human need. In demonstrating respect for our audience, it is essential that we learn the critical life skill of being a good storyteller. Equally important is the ability to listen and empathize. Good and open communication is the key behind all healthy relationships. You can also initiate by asking a question, such as, “How have you been?” Everyone loves to share their story.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, Adults, Social Skills Development --- ### [Social Skills: How to Detect Gaps & Build Proficiency in Children of All Ages](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-how-to-detect-gaps-and-build-proficiency/) **Published:** April 13, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:**  ## Moving from Social Distancing to Social-Emotional Learning As parents, we helped our children with remote learning, remote homework, and remote playdates during the pandemic. We’ve been doing our best to ensure that our kids don’t fall behind after the “lost year.” And there is an assumption that, with schools re-opening and a COVID vaccine available, kids will seamlessly re-engage with their peers and the world around them. For many kids, though, a sizable social shift has occurred. As our children re-establish their routines, they must learn to hurdle gaps in social and emotional skills. Yet many parents don’t know how to identify these gaps, or how to help if needed. If our child or teen struggles to make conversation, doesn’t choose to interact with friends, seems immature, stomps around the house sullen, or spends all day on video games rather than homework, we wonder, “Is this the new normal?” ## Peers Influence How We Interact Socially Think back to your own childhood—when you played neighborhood kickball with friends, joined a student group as a teen, or introduced yourself to roommates at college. Whatever the interaction, it took practice and was guided by experience gained through prior in-person interactions. The give-and-take, back-and-forth nature of being with others allows children and teens to mirror peers, adapt, engage, and test out their social approach. Peers provide social cues and feedback, which teach children how to understand unspoken social rules and interpret which behaviors help them fit into a group. Kids then learn how to cooperate, negotiate, cope with disappointments, and adapt to continue play. This social development process is very interactive. Social-emotional and behavioral skill development begins when we are babies and continues to grow and build as we age. Child development experts detail the various milestones that kids can be expected to reach at roughly the same age. (Visit Understood.org for a list of social and emotional milestones at different ages.) Characteristics of social-emotional and behavioral maturity include taking responsibility for actions, evaluating risks and opportunities, managing emotions, meeting social rules and demands of a situation appropriately, and controlling impulses. Kids reach milestones at different rates, but when children do not have skills in line with their same-aged peers, then they may need support and direct instruction to help them reach those milestones. This does not mean telling them to do better. It means helping them to learn key social-emotional skills so they understand how to interpret the social world. ## Is This the “New Normal?” A year-plus of social distancing has left children without much of the practice, play, and interactions that are key to developing social intelligence. Now, parents may be wondering if online interaction only is the new normal. The pandemic has wreaked havoc on opportunities for play and interactions, and children have grown accustomed to relying on electronics and video games to connect. As most children are returning to in-person school, parents need to help their children find a new balance between the digital and non-digital worlds. Everyone’s social skills have become rusty, but children have been particularly affected. After over a year of playing and interacting perhaps only with adults and siblings, many children and teens must now relearn the art of effectively communicating with their peers. And like everything else, some children will relearn these social-emotional and behavioral skills easily, while others will need direct instruction—over and over again—in order to master them. ## How to Detect If Your Child or Teen May Have a Social Skills Gap If your child or teen had struggled with social anxiety or social inclusion before, the past year may have deepened these concerns. To ascertain whether your child is going through a developmental stage or is isolated because they have ill-adaptive social strategies, start by observing them in play or in a social situation. Can they make new friends? Can they adapt to different people and situations? Are they able to reach out and join a group in an age-appropriate way? Whatever your child’s age, consider if they are able to understand the expectations of their peers and if they have the skills to play, hang out and make friends. As long as a child understands the expectations of their peers and can adapt, they should not be isolated from others due to a stage or immaturity. In most cases, even if the root of isolation is immaturity or developmental stages, kids may need some coaching from you and some practice working on social skills. ## We All Need Help Sometimes If you sense that your child is having trouble, don’t try to pressure them to adapt socially. Cajoling a child without social skills to become a better playmate is as effective as pressuring a child who never learned to swim to race across a lake. Adding pressure only triggers more stress, which in turn triggers the brain’s fight flight- or-freeze survival reflex—not a productive mindset for a social setting. ## Seven Skills Everyone Needs to Be Socially Successful Like all of us, children need to be able to cope with pressures, situations, and all types of people in order to get along in the world. Every child wants to succeed and to develop the mastery to be a capable human being. To do that, they must learn to work with their own unique brain wiring—they must learn to figure out what’s holding them back and then how to do something about it. Below are just some of the important social abilities everyone—adults included—need for better success in relationships and school or the workplace. These are covered in the scripts, tools, and actionable exercises from my book, [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ### 1. Manage emotions: Help your child recognize the body signals associated with “big emotions.” Disappointment is tough for all of us, but without coping techniques, it is far too easy to become overwhelmed. Rarely does overwhelm translate into a good communication style. ### 2. Read the room: When we don’t pause and evaluate our surroundings and the prevailing vibe or emotional tone of those present, we run the risk of annoying others. Work with your child by asking, “Is there an activity or conversation under way? Are there expectations of your role and how you should join in? Is the dialogue free-flowing — allowing for a casual and spontaneous collaboration— or structured?” Work with your child to recognize what they might need to do to adjust their energy, level, tone, or expectations to match the setting. Practice guessing how others might expect them to behave in this setting. ### 3. Meet people halfway: This may be one of the harder things for a child to learn. Introducing themselves, starting a conversation, or answering a question when asked can be painful for a shy or anxious child. Even just a smile and friendly acknowledgment can be enough to signal to another person that you’re sociable and open for conversation. Sometimes halfway means physically stepping forward rather than hanging back or not showing at all. ### 4. Adapt to social cues and unspoken rules: Verbal cues might seem easy, but they require that one pays attention to what others are saying and doing. This can be challenging if your child routinely tune outs others and prefer to stay tuned into their own thoughts. ### 5. Walk in someone else’s shoes: To see things through another’s eyes and to understand someone else’s perspective, your child will need to interpret others’ motives and reactions. This includes your child understanding how the other person is reacting to them. Help your child understand that every behavior and every action makes an impression on others, and they operate and react to you based on those impressions. ### 6. Be flexible and adaptive: A child needs to accept that they can’t always be right. Compromise is an essential social role and they need to recognize that at times it’s best to place a friendship or the larger group’s interest ahead of being right. Argumentative, “Rule Police” kids struggle with knowing when to drop the debate and accept no for an answer. ### 7. Know your audience: For a 5-year-old, this means recognizing and filtering what is meant for public or private ears. Work with your child to recognize that insulting teachers and friends by saying thoughtless things can hurt feelings and ruffle feathers. Impulsive declarations, such as “Your dress makes you look fat,” or “My mom says you are lazy,” can have long-lasting, negative consequences. A 10-year-old must learn to anticipate and predict what friends find interesting and what they like to talk about. Learning to adapt tone, stories, and content depending on the age and interests of those around you is an important life skill. ### Meet Children Where They Are Whatever a child’s story, our job as parents is to prepare them to survive and thrive throughout their lifetime. Left unaddressed, social skills problems can travel into adolescence when they predictably worsen—and then into adulthood. The lack of people skills not only isolates us socially, but also keeps us from getting or changing jobs, advocating for promotions, or pursuing dreams. Now is the time to start. Like tying shoes or learning to read, eventually they’ll forget what it took to learn these skills because it becomes second nature. Coaching conversations, skill-building lessons, practice, and problem-solving strategies are going to give your child the skills and confidence needed to change behavior. Think of children as eager learners whose skills aren’t fully developed yet. Remember, behavioral change takes time. The steps you take today will help your child build a lifetime of joy and connectedness. ### Works Cited Brown, Stuart. *Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul.* Avery Publishing, 2009. Bukatko, Danuta, and Marvin W. Daehler. *Child Development: A Thematic Approach.* 2nd ed., Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2017. Delahooke, Mona. *Social and Emotional Development in Early Intervention: A Skills Guide for Working with Children.* PESI Publishing, 2017. Ferguson, Christopher J., et al. “A Meta-Analysis of Pathological Gaming Prevalence and Comorbidity with Mental Health, Academic and Social Problems.” J*ournal of Psychiatric Research*, vol. 42, 2011, pp. 1573–1758, https:// christopherjferguson.com/Video%20Game%20Addiction.pdf Frost, Joe L., et al. *Play and Child Development*. 3rd ed. Merrill Education//Prentice Hall, 2008. Ginsburg, Kenneth R. “The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent- Child Bonds.” *Pediatrics*, vol. 119, no. 1, 1 Jan. 2007, pp. 182–191, https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2006-2697. Morin, Amanda. “Social and Emotional Skills at Different Ages.” *Understood.org*, https://www.understood.org/articles/en/social-and-emotional-skills-what-to-expect-at-different-ages. “New Recommendations for Children’s Media Use.” *American Academy of Pediatrics*, https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/media-and-children/. Przybylski, Andrew K., and Netta Weinstein. “A Large-Scale Test of the Goldilocks Hypothesis: Quantifying the Relations Between Digital-Screen Use and the Mental Well-Being of Adolescents.” *Psychological Science*, vol. 28, no. 2, 13 Jan. 2017, pp. 204–215, https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797616678438. Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, is the founder of a social emotional learning methodology. She is the author of Why Will No One Play With Me?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive. Follow her on Twitter @AuthorCarolineM. This article first appeared in the 2022 issue of Parents League Review. *This article first appeared in the 2022 issue of Parents League Review – Essential Articles on Parenting and Education* © 2022 Parents League of New York [www.parentsleague.org](http://www.parentsleague.org).  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [Social Challenge: Three Micro-Connections a Day](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/three-micro-connections-a-day/) **Published:** June 2, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** I am a mission… *“No, not again!”* I can hear some of you saying. LOL! Well, yes, I am and it’s a mission of connection. In an effort to bring more connection into all our lives, I have involved my family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and strangers in this project, and they have no idea! ## **Why Is Being “Social” So Hard for Many of Us?** Being “social” can be hard for us regardless of our age, especially after isolation and fears of contagion, shootings and market uncertainty. Do you feel like others are living enchanted lives, engaging with limitless besties and attending exclusive events? Social media can emphasize the feeling of being unnoticed, lonely and left out. When we do manage to psych ourselves up to reach out, join in and engage, it can be draining – emotionally, psychologically and physically. We foresee shunning and that can cycle us back into a web of doubt and angst. ## **How Can You Override This Feeling of Vulnerability?** May I introduce my mission? How about instead of forcing ourselves to use all our skills and strain our system in order to go out and meet new people in new places, we start off with small, micro social engagements? I am proposing that we actually harness “the love chemical” in order to help us better read social cues – which in turn helps us notice and filter social stimuli – a key challenge for those of us who can feel bombarded in social settings. ## **What is the Science of Connection?** Oxytocin, known as “the love chemical” is essential for social bonding. This critical neuropeptide helps *everyone* – infants to the elderly – bond with others. It builds trust and connection and raises self-confidence. When you feel a connection with someone, it is likely that oxytocin is surging in both brains, signaling friendly intentions. This sensation encourages you to reach out – emotionally and possibly physically. ## **What are** **Micro-Connections?** They are small, everyday acts of kindnesses. Every time you hold the door open or smile at a passing stranger, you are creating a micro-moment of connection! They are mini “love” moments that can raise oxytocin in our brains and in others too. ## **Why Specifically Three Micro-Connections?** Dr. Barbara Frederickson’s and Dr John Gottman’s research demonstrates that three social connections a day not only can help fill our emotional buckets but also helps build resilience. They found that a 3-to-1 positivity ratio makes us feel like we belonged. It also provided a positive impact on resilience and mental health. In Dr Ned Hallowell’s book *[Connect: 12 Vital Ties That Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life, and Deepen Your Soul](),* he shares real stories that demonstrate the life changing health benefits associated with connection. Fill your emotional bucket My daughter and jesse lewis choose love movement are engaged in a challenge asking people to have 3 micro moments of connection a day and then share them on instagram 3momentsofconnection or at [https3momentsofconnection Com]()## **5 Ways to Join the Three Micro-Connections a Day Challenge** #### **Seek Meaningful Interactions –** Actively search for three meaningful interactions each day and reflect on them each night. These micro moments of connection, according to Fredrickson’s findings, may not only make you healthier, they can also make you live longer. #### **Set Yourself Up for Success** – What are some things you could do every day for unsuspecting neighbors? Can you carry in groceries, ask about their day or give them a plant? Small micro-connections like these don’t require much time, money or effort. Look for ways to spread kindness everyday. #### **Build Three Micro-Connections on the Path to New Relationships –** If your goal is to not only increase oxytocin but also to make new friendships, take a more active role with these three micro-connections. Consider these steps as building blocks; moving you in the direction of deeper and more meaningful connections. If you take each step a time – waving, saying “Hello,” making chit chat, inquiring about their day, etc., – it will make the act of reaching out feel a little less daunting. Is this a full replacement for the hard work we’re all doing socially? No, but these steps help you build confidence. #### **Create Joy, Not Stress –** You shouldn’t need to spend a lot of time prepping to connect. The goal is to simply experience the joy of interaction. #### **Notice How You Feel –** Keep track of how these connections (and oxytocin hits) make you feel. Fredrickson’s work uncovered that when we record these experiences, it triggers positive physiological effects on the body. Are you more positive toward your partner or job? Do you have deeper feelings of well-being and self-worth? Are you calm? Do you feel even better when you add more connections daily? \[Consider tracking your three micro-moments of connection on the website my 8th grade daughter created in collaboration with Choose Love called [**three moments of connection**](https://3momentsofconnection.com/). It would mean so much to us if you would share your micro-moments of connection.\] ## Join Me in Making a Conscious Effort to Cultivate Connections Until you experience the effects yourself, you will have to trust me when I say three micro-connections a day will prime your emotional intelligence pump. So drink in the needed oxytocin while you calm your fears, build the confidence, venture out and approach new people and nurture deeper and stronger relationships. Frederickson, 2009 Seligman, 2011 ## We All Need Socialization! Even if spending time with people drains you and you don’t feel like putting in the effort to attend an event, it’s important to find social skills activities that help recharge your energy and make you feel connected. For more suggestions on adult social skills development, check out our new product: [**Meet People with Confidence**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) > [Meeting People with Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) ## Actionable, well-researched and accurate information to improve social lives: ### More Adult Social Skills Training Resources: **[Caroline’s Speaking Services on this topic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/speaking/#trainings-and-topics)** **[How](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)[ To Read the Room So You’re More Confident Around](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/) [Your](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)[ Co-workers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)** **[Social Skills Training Products](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/)** **[Adult with ADHD: Stop Oversharing, Live Seminar](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adult-with-adhd-stop-oversharing/)** **[Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)** [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) **[Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/)** [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adolescence, Adults, Social Skills Development **Tags:** social skills --- ### [7 Social Skills Games Parents & Teachers Can Play to Help Kids Who Are Falling Behind](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/7-social-skills-games-for-kids/) **Published:** April 28, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Social skills games encourage children to join in, cooperate, take turns, understand social expectations, meet playmate expectations, and recognize inappropriate behavior. Helping your child develop social skills can make a lasting positive impact on their life. People with good social skills often know what to say when, how to behave in a variety of situations, and how to make good choices. Many children learn about norms and acceptable behaviors through their everyday social interactions with parents, teachers and peers; however, some children need more direct social skill instruction. ## How Can Social Skills Games Help? We use our social skills every day to communicate and interact in society, both verbally and non-verbally. Good social skills help everyone successfully interact in social situations, build positive relationships and have a better self-image. ### The Best Social Skills Games Help Improve: - dealing with teasing, losing - listening - following instructions and rules - ignoring distractions - cooperating - competing - using manners - showing empathy, Thinking about the other’s point of view - self-advocating, asking for help, permission - waiting your turn - making responsible decisions - anticipating other people’s actions ## 7 Fun Social Skills Games to Build Social Development Parents, teachers, school counselors, psychologists, and speech/language pathologists can implement these social skills games. These activities can be performed one-on-one or in a group setting and are a great way to bond with your child/student(s). #### Simon Says Call out simple commands like “Simon says, touch your nose,” and demonstrate the command yourself. As long as you say “Simon says,” your child has to hear and react to you. **Social skills practiced with this activity include:** self-control, listening, impulse control, following instructions, focus #### Scavenger Hunts Children work together to find objects or get a prize. Start by saying, “Find a hat, a duck and a book and bring them back to me.” If your child has trouble following multiple directions at a time, you can start with one item and gradually add more. Ask her to repeat the instructions back to you. Next time, teach her to repeat the instructions back to herself. This life lesson will help her manage distractions. If your child becomes distracted, use a clear short directive to bring their attention back to the instructions (e.g.,”How are you doing with the book?”). **Social skills practiced with this activity include:** teamwork, organization, problem-solving, decision-making, listening, following directions, taking turns, and cooperating. #### Telling Short Stories After your child shares a story with you, show you were listening by summarizing what she said. Ask questions and [show empathy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-critical-need-for-empathy/) if needed. Ask him to do the same when it is his turn. To practice ignoring distractions, play the game in an high-distractions area, such as a busy park. Remind your child that when she is listening to the teacher, he may have to ignore distractions. If your child becomes distracted, use clear short directives to bring his attention back to you (e.g.,”Please go on, I’d like to hear more”.) Related Content: [TMI. Are you sharing too much information? How to tell a tight story.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYE8gEGgb4w) For kids who tend to ramble, set a timer or limit each person to two to five minutes. **Social skills practiced with this activity include:** listening, following directions, taking turns, ignoring distractions, cooperating, and showing empathy. #### Polite Pretend Kids create a scenario in which they pretend to be someone else; a doctor, teacher, cashier, parent, waiter. Focus on scenarios in which manners should be used and have your child practice being courteous and polite. Purposely say a statement in a discourteous way and ask your child to repeat them, only this time politely using phrases such as please, thank you and have a nice day. **Skills practiced with this activity include:** using manners, cooperating, asking for help, following directions, and taking turns. learn to recognize and respond to emotions, listen, de-escalate situations, and adapt to new situations. Recommended Article: [10 ways to teach your child social skills in daily life](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-ways-to-teach-your-child-social-skills-in-daily-life/) #### Building Blocks Set some ground rules at the start to encourage kids to cooperate and work in unison as they design and build a tower of blocks. Recommended reading: Building the Tower, pg 209 in *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **Skills practiced with this activity include:** collaboration, effort, taking turns, keep trying, understand and celebrate each other’s unique abilities. #### Board Games, Cards Board games such as Monopoly and Life are especially helpful in teaching children who have trouble losing, how to do so gracefully. Practicing losing at home will help prepare them for when they lose at school or on the sports field. When your child loses, be empathetic and say something soothing, such as, “It can be hard for all of us to lose sometimes, but there will be other opportunities.” It is important that the child understand that losing – and winning – is part of everyone’s life. Set a good example for when things don’t go your way, too. Keep practicing. The more opportunities they have to lose, the better they will become at accepting a loss. **Social skills practiced with this activity include:** cooperating with others, listening, following directions, waiting one’s turn, dealing with losing, expressing feelings, developing empathy, playing with others, and more. Recommended reading: Good Winner, Good loser, pg 240-242 in *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* Free download: **[Good Winner, Good Loser](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/good-winner-good-loser-video) video –** Learn how to help the child who struggles with self-regulation expand his or her self-awareness. #### Debate Studying topics, forming an opinion, debating and listening to opponents help develop the social skills needed to become thoughtful leaders. **Social skills practiced with this activity include:** Managing emotions, engaging in difficult conversations and feelings calmly, building friendships, speaking well and with confidence, listening with interest and understanding, gaining insight from others, developing complex ideas into words, respecting the views of others, accepting differences and developing compassion. Related products: [How to Coach Your Child](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)## Do Not Try to Pressure Keep in mind that the activities are recommendations and should be tailored to a child’s age and capabilities. Pressure can lead to frustration, which can turn your child off to social skills practice. Do your best to stay calm and to show vs. tell. In these games, we are showing – not telling – children how to understand the social world. Typically, first grade is when kids generally start understanding how to play games with rules. Keep the sessions short (start at 5 to 10 minutes for younger children or children who get easily frustrated), unless the child is eager to keep going. Most importantly, enjoy these social skills games with your children. Fun can be informative too! ## Social Skills in Action: ### B*ecome your best self: socially engaged, confident, and open to the unlimited world of learning and connection.* #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**How to Deal With Rejection Sensitivity**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/fight-flight-freeze-rejection-in-social-situations/) [**Don’t wait to seek help. Trust your gut**](https://academyatthelakes.org/2019/09/dont-wait-to-seek-help-trust-your-gut/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) –** HOW TO help children build social skills [How to Help the Socially Awkward Ki](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Social Skills Development **Tags:** social skills in kids --- ### [Raising "Can Do" Kids - 11 Ways to Help When They Resist Trying](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/raising-can-do-kids-11-ways-to-help-when-they-resist-trying/) **Published:** June 8, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** At some point, all kids will resist something. Whether the child is seven or seventeen, they may refuse to finish their math assignment, shovel the walk or wear the dress Aunt Nancy gave them for their birthday. As a parent, this opposition may not only be perplexing, but also frustrating. ## When Your Child Resists, Remember They May Be Thinking “I Can’t” All of us have strengths and weaknesses. If a child says, “I can’t do it!” or “This is too hard / confusing / time consuming / boring…etc.,” we may ask ourselves if their reasoning is genuine or an excuse? From a developmental perspective, expect resistance to be in full force in both preschool and teenage years. These periods are when children separate from parents so the views of others are naturally resisted to make space for their own views. ## How to Raise “Can Do” Kids #### Let them know you hear them Kids may not want to initially broach the real reason for their resistance, but ask open questions and listen for the answers. Let them lead the conversation. Yes, you may already know about their struggles, but if you sit, look them in the eye and let them express their feeling and how the challenges are affecting their lives, you will open the door to partnering for solutions. #### Empathize When kids tell you they can’t do something, they’re opening up. Let them recognize that you can feel their pain by saying, “I know this is must be hard for you.” Even if you think their perspective is incorrect, don’t say, “You can do it!” If your child is opening up, let them know that you are listening and truly care about their feelings. #### Engage in a friendly way At a time when a child is receptive to instruction, convey what you would like them to address. This helps you lessen conflict and build on the relationship while helping both of you save face. #### Share others’ struggles When you share that you struggle with time management or that Aunt Sue dislikes math too, you break the ice and allow the conversation to move forward. #### Add the word “yet” This simple word can do wonders in allowing you to talk about future expectations. “You can’t do this *yet*,” implies that it *can* happen… with work. It also lets your kid know that it is OK to struggle sometimes and it introduces the concept of a growth mindset — the belief that abilities can improve over time. #### Provide support Expectations are important, but they should be backed up by support. For example, demonstrate how they can reach out to a teacher for extra help before a test. Show them how to break large projects into smaller, time sensitive chunks. #### Recognize strengths Many kids, especially those with learning differences, often focus on what they are doing wrong. They probably have had to work harder and longer than their peers, which can certainly become discouraging over time. Help your child recognize the things they are good at, such as being kind or funny, helping friends, or running fast. We may impulsively want to jump in and urge them to work on what needs improving, however, I recommend that when your child is feeling particularly down, be gentle with them. Hold them tight and let them know they are valued, important and have a lot to offer. #### **Acknowledge resistance** As a parent, you probably know the activities that will engender resistance. Simply acknowledge it and proceed forward. Acknowledge that no one likes to be bossed around and then reaffirm what needs to happen, for example – “I know you don’t like me telling you it is time to start your homework, but it still needs to be done.” Ask your child what words work better for them when you are having this type of discussion. They may prefer words that connote less urgency or instruction. #### Cultivate routines and structure Daily structure helps a child feel less coerced and controlled once they attach to the routine. Just as a preschool teacher can get a class to clean up their toys by singing simple songs, a routine can collect their attention and direct them accordingly. Routines are helpful around transition times such as going to school, doing homework, and getting ready for bed. #### Put them in charge By putting a child in charge of things that are developmentally appropriate, you work towards avoiding battles and help them build a resilient, ‘Can Do’ mindset. Let them choose between two acceptable choices, such as what to wear that day, what homework to attack first and what to eat for snack. #### Apologize If things become heated, wait for tempers to cool and then offer an apology to help convey the relationship is important and intact and that you will continue to care for them. ## Our Agendas Are Not the Same Kids will have different agendas from their parents and this is to be expected. What is important is how we preserve the child’s dignity as well as ours in the face of disagreement. The more we push, the more they will resist. The more they resist, the more we will want to push. It helps to not take things personally. The instinct to resist and oppose is in all of us and has important work to do in making sure we aren’t prioritizing less important things over necessary ones. Resistance also paves the way for a child to grow as a separate person. ## We All Need Socialization! Even if spending time with people drains you and you don’t feel like putting in the effort to attend an event, it’s important to find social skills activities that help recharge your energy and make you feel connected.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [How Social Communication Can Help You Make Stronger Connections At Work](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/feeling-badly-that-you-cant-read-people-at-work-working-on-social-communication-can-help/) **Published:** June 20, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Yesterday still stings, huh? During an important meeting, you interjected a comment that wasn’t in line with your goals, nor with the persona you have been working so hard to project. In an anxious moment to get your thoughts conveyed, you blurted out a remark that not only caught others off-guard, but actually offended some of the participants. ## **Are You Feeling Shame and Pain, Realizing That You (Once Again) Didn’t Read The Room?** - Do you have a difficult time interacting with others, especially people you don’t know well or in high intensity situations? - Do they have a hard time sharing or engaging in back and forth conversation? - Can you make off-topic remarks, or struggle with reading body language and understanding personal space? \[Read: **[How To Read the Room So You’re More Confident Around Your Co-Workers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)\]** ## **Working on Social Communication Skills Can Help** Social Communication skills are a vital part of the human experience because they help us interact positively in social situations. Without these skills, we may appear uncooperative or rude. Honing the skills to notice and to interpret others’ social cues and possible reactions will in turn help us better peer interactions and help us bond with one another. ## **What Do We Mean By “Social Communication”?** Social communication is how and why we interact with other people. It is the ability to tailor our communications depending on the *Where, What, Who, When and Why* we are communicating. We learn these skills through instruction, ex: being taught directly (how to say “Please and Thank you,”) and through experience (reading the room to judge energy and participants). We learn how to communicate by using non-verbal means (ex. gesture, signing or pointing) and/or verbal means (ex. vocalizing or speaking). Knowing and using these unwritten rules makes communication easier. Once we’ve figured out the rules, we don’t even think about them, they become automatic. Further, as each of us are different from each other, we can tailor the rules to match our own comfort level. ## **Why Work on Social Communication Skills?** We all want to be socially accepted, regardless of our age. Social communication skills maximizes our abilities to interact appropriately and to build social relationships with other people. It is also important in work environments as many formal and informal situations rely on working in groups and communication between peers. Some of us haven’t developed social skills as quickly or as effectively as our peers. There are many reasons why someone might have trouble with social communication, which can include people with ADHD who have impulsive or overactive symptoms that can interfere with the communication styles of others. ## **Examples of Social Communication** Every company, business meeting, culture—and even every family—can have its own set of rules. As these rules are not written down, they can be difficult to interpret successfully in different situations. There are limitless ways to use social communication, but here are a few examples: - Saying “hello” when walking into a room - Tailoring language to match the situation, such as asking for a turn instead of demanding it. - Understanding sarcasm and how to use it without offending others - Knowing when and how to change the conversational topic - Understanding expressions like “at the end of the day” - Understanding humor and making jokes - Following rules for conversations and storytelling, such as - Taking turns being a talker and being a listener - Staying on topic and letting others know the topic when you start talking - Editing what you are saying when others don’t understand you - Using facial expressions, eye contact gestures, and body language - Knowing how close to stand to someone when talking ## 10 Ways to Build and Incorporate Social Communication Skills Into Daily Life #### 1. Start with small steps As an easier way to segue into strengthening your social skills is to interact more deeply on a daily basis. For instance, if a neighbor is walking by, you might offer more than a simple, “Hi”. Reply with a question instead of a one-word answer when asked how your day is going. Similarly, find ways to add more “meat” and meaning to everyday conversations with acquaintances and colleagues. \[Read: **[10 Phrases to Move the Conversation Along](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-phrases-to-move-the-conversation-along/)\]** #### 2. Plan ahead You may need to plan in advance of a board meeting on how you participate more. Set a goal for yourself to offer at least one project or business strategy at your next board meeting. #### 3. Ask open-ended questions This is a great way to get friends, family, colleagues, coworkers and even your superiors talking while allowing you to better understand their perspective. Open-ended questions also have the benefit of making others feel wanted and validated in their thoughts and emotions since it shows you are taking interest in their ideas. This can have a positive impact on how you build relationships with them. Try the following open-ended questions: “How have you experienced…?” “Can you tell me more about yourself?” “What do you do when X happens?” #### 4. Be a “Social Spy” Observe your colleagues, neighbors, classmates, etc. and take notice of which ones have effective and engaging social skills. Consider how they start conversations using nonverbal communication, body language (such as smiling and nodding) and vocabulary. Next, start incorporating the traits you admire most into your own communication style. #### 5. Maintain eye contact During conversations, make it a mental habit to hold eye contact for at least three to five seconds. Many people feel awkward doing this, so consider practicing with a family member first. I recommend letting them know that you are trying to improve your ability to maintain eye contact. Of particular note, place greater emphasis holding eye contact at the beginning, when listening and while thanking them and closing the conversation. \[Read more: **[How To Stop Avoiding Eye Contact with People at Work So They Start Paying Attention To You](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-stop-avoiding-eye-contact/)\]** #### 6. Listen actively When you engage by listening intently to others, you make the other person feel comfortable sharing their ideas and thoughts. Maintaining eye contact, adding non-verbal communication such as nodding and asking questions all contribute to making you an active listener. #### 7. Invite others Start with one person at a time as you work toward building workplace relationships. Invite someone who is on your team or has a similar role out to lunch, coffee or for a walk. Initially, ask questions that are non-intimidating, then slowly work your way up to more personal questions to get to know them better. As you gain confidence, connect with people in other departments and companies to grow your professional network and gain a better understanding of how your role impacts the business as a whole. \[[Read more: **13 Social Skills Activities For Adults Who Want To Learn How To Relate To Others Better**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/13-social-skills-activities-for-adults/)\] #### 8. Compliment others Genuine compliments can open the door to a longer conversation, as well as help bridge a gap with someone with whom there is tension. We all know a fake compliment when we hear it, so be sure to keep it genuine, but don’t expect one in return. #### 9. Be in “The Know” Talk around the water bubbler often involves discussions around current events and series. Stay up on current trends to give you topics to talk about with others. Subscribing to news alerts or industry-specific newsletters will give you content that is current. Be sure to avoid controversial topics like politics or religion to keep conversations professional and friendly. #### 10. Research and practice There are countless resources both on and offline on how to build social skills. You can even break it down to individual topics such as starting conversations, making eye contact, etc. From there, put your learnings into practice. ## Social Skills In The Workplace Communication is central to most business success. Our communication, teamwork and collaboration skills will help us thrive and advance, so it is critical that we work on and highlight this skill set. Need more support, please reach out if I can help you.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ### [Managing Silence in Conversations](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/managing-silence-in-conversations/) **Published:** June 22, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Is silence good for conversations? Most people think of silence as something that needs to be quickly covered up otherwise it will lead to awkwardness. There is a reason we often refer to silence as “awkward silence”. After all, is silence even part of communication? Yes! In fact, silence can be a very effective communication tool. When we communicate, we are expressing ourselves – verbally and non-verbally. Sometimes, silence does a better job at conveying a message than words can. Words only express seven percent of the messages we want to convey. Nonverbal communication (expressions, gestures, tone, volume, etc.) therefore expresses 93 percent of the message. If this is the case, then we can see how silence can contribute to a conversation too. ## How To Be Comfortable with Silence in a Conversation Silence has a purpose; it isn’t just a placeholder, waiting for someone to interrupt. If you are anxiously waiting for a lull so you can get the last word in, you miss the purpose of a conversation – to exchange ideas. Instead of division, we should work toward unity. It’s no wonder that “communication problems” is the top problem cited by partners coming to couples counseling. ## How Do You Cope with Silence in Conversations? #### **Try to like silence, or at least, not be bothered by it** Silence can either indicate the communication / relationship is healthy or not healthy. If you know the other person doesn’t mind silence, maybe even likes it, then don’t let it bother you. Small talk for the sake of talking is not gratifying to many people. Silence can be an indicator of two or more people comfortable with each other. #### **Why is there silence now?** Certain locations such as a funeral home or library require silence, whereas silence on a first date may be quite awkward. Learn to Read the Room and gauge the people and energy and then try to adapt. Your friend may just not be in the mood to talk right now, so don’t take it personally. #### **You don’t always have to fill the silence** If an important topic is being discussed, the silence may indicate that people are considering the points. Silence is also appropriate during a ceremony or when someone is getting lectured in front of you. In these situations, it is important to abide by the silence or remove yourself, politely. #### **Harness the power of silence** Many of us talk too much, which in turn can hurt our delivery. Silence allows us to listen better and focus on what the other person is saying, verbally and non-verbally. Being silent can allow both of you to better understand the conflict and reach a resolution faster. #### **Silence can be a motivator** A tactic to get to the bottom of a discussion is to wait until the other person fills the silence. By remaining quiet long after you asked a question, someone will more than likely reply in an effort to avoid feeling uncomfortable. #### Use silence as your first defense When facing a new challenge, disagreement or interruption, use silence as your first response. This allows you time to reflect and then formulate and deliver your response in a way that is productive and cooperative. #### **Recognize when silence is not healthy** Silence can be misused to express anger or punish another. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in this type of negative experience. #### **Silence brings knowledge** When you focus on being silent, your concentration will improve immeasurably. Silence, therefore, builds a new life skill while enabling you to learn new things. You don’t learn by talking… you learn by listening. ## Silence Is Power Feeling comfortable in silence can be difficult to master and it takes courage to use it as a communication tool. Most of us feel more in control when we are the speaker, but it is a very attractive quality to be a good listener. Be patient and give yourself some time to learn. But when you do learn how to use silence effectively, look out. Your communication will become much more powerful. ## We all need socialization! Even if spending time with people drains you and you don’t feel like putting in the effort to attend an event, it’s important to find social skills activities that help recharge your energy and make you feel connected.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ### [5 Social Skills for Kids That Are Wise to Practice Over the Summer](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-social-skills-for-kids-to-practice-over-the-summer/) **Published:** July 11, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Your child looks down, eyes diverting from the bank teller and you impatiently think, “Come on, spit it out!” You witness what seems to be paralysis. She starts sentences then stops them, hesitates and as the teller’s eyes divert from her to you, she eventually utters words that are inaudible and incomprehensible. Later, when you ask her what was going on, she says, “I don’t speak because I don’t know what to say.” Having difficulty articulating thoughts, especially under pressure, is a common problem, yet one that can be remedied through social skills practice. ## **I Don’t Speak Because I Don’t Know What to Say** In social situations, your kid may fall behind fast-talking friends, or they may come off sounding like they are clueless when they know the content well. She may hesitate to raise her hand in the classroom, or cringe when called upon, for fear of incorrectly putting her thoughts into words. Your kid may have difficulty with his working (short-term) memory, and instead favor long-term memory. His peers may prefer working memory which is essentially putting information “on the tip of their tongue.” Working memory retains information for seconds and is easy to access, but the information is not stored there for long, unless it is moved to long-term memory. For your child to access this long-term information, they need to “pull up” the information, which takes longer to formulate and can slow them down when speaking. ### **Anxiety Can Exacerbate It** The ability to feel comfortable speaking is an important part of living a normal life. Even the slightest bit of anxiety when trying to speak — especially around intimidating people and situations — may make it even more difficult to articulate the right words. Anxiety prevents us from living our lives the way we would like to. When we are feeling anxious, the stress hormone cortisol is released in large amounts and affects the brain. This can lead to memory loss, problems with recall and can make it incredibly difficult to get your words out in a manner which is both comfortable and coherent. ### **Benefits of Talking to Others** Talking to others not only provides connection, comfort, and understanding but also offers opportunities to talk about shared experiences as well as prevent feelings of loneliness and isolation. It relieves stress, builds connections, helps with decision-making, provides a venue to express thoughts and feelings and exposes us to new perspectives. Additionally, research suggests that having strong social ties, or people you can talk to, is linked to a longer life. In contrast, social isolation and loneliness are linked to depression, poorer health outcomes, and risk of premature death. ### **The Connection of The Brain and Talking** Research shows us that talking is a way to diminish the response of the brain’s amygdala, which initiates the [“fight or flight” response](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-happens-during-an-amygdala-hijack-4165944) when we’re feeling intense emotions like fear, anxiety, or aggression. (read more on [*Fight or Flight*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/fight-flight-freeze-rejection-in-social-situations/)). As a result, when you get stressed out or overwhelmed, this part of your brain takes control and can even override your more logical thought processes. By talking through our experiences, we can override the amygdala’s response and cope with the feelings in a more effective way. You don’t want to live inside your head, and you certainly don’t want to be suffering from so much anxiety that you can’t interact with others. ## **5 Possible Reasons Kids Struggle to Speak and the Social Skills That Are Wise to Practice Over the Summer** #### **Upset** Your kid may find it easier to express himself better when writing than in a conversation when eye contact is expected. A social skill to try with your kid is to ask them to write down how they feel about an event or dialog that left them agitated. This will help them put a name to their emotions and help them work through their feelings. If they ask for your advice, be as unbiased as possible. More than likely, they will want to do this work alone, accessing the long-term portion of their brains. Caution them against shooting out texts and emails when upset as this can bring on another set of problems. #### **Mind goes blank** When your kid struggles to remember a word or a piece of information, it may be due to anxiety, intimidation, shyness, fear of “getting caught” or just not being able to extract it from memory. The summer is the perfect time to practice calming strategies such as deep-breathing, mindfulness and patience. Assure your child that it is OK to be quiet for a few moments. People may try to push, but let them know that they can say prepared responses such as, “I haven’t thought of that before,” or “Let me think about that.” Nonverbal signals work too, like tilting your head and furrowing the brow. Humor is also a great way to sidestep awkwardness. Let your kid know that it is perfectly acceptable to say you need some time to think about it and will get back to them later by email or text. #### **Fear of being judged** Many people experience that if they talk, they’ll have people look down on them. This emotional pain can be difficult to overcome, but helping your child learn to read the room can help them realize that people probably aren’t judging them. New summer activities will help them `read the room` and initiate conversations. Practicing talking to new people is a great exercise to help overcome the fear of being judged. Summer is also a wonderful time to get closer to friends. Close friendships help build your child’s confidence and the more time your child practices talking, the easier a time they’ll have talking with others. #### **Overthinking or bouncing thoughts** Your kid may consider each question carefully, even to the point of overthinking it. The question may also bring up some feelings or other thoughts, so they feel “scattered” and have a hard time putting the words into sentences. Work with your child to pause, listen, then focus each of their comments in order to build on the other person’s last comment. Practice with your child on asking questions to refocus and better understand the other person’s thoughts. Practice staying on topic and note if the other speaker is veering to a new topic or staying with the original topic. Be curious and help your child recognize that they may possibly not be focusing on the real question, or are drifting away in their own thoughts. Shop: [*Building on a Conversation*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) Read: [*How to Make Small Talk*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk) #### **Negative reinforcement** If your child is avoiding challenging her anxiety, “negative reinforcement” may make the fear stronger. Fear can be hard to dismantle, so practice over the summer social skills with your kid that help reduce anxiety, such as calming techniques. Remind your child of a time she had gotten up and spoken in front of a group. Help her realize that she is able to do it again. ## Summary These are just a few social skills tips and techniques that can help your kids overcome difficulties with speaking. If anxiety is at the root, I recommend working on reducing the anxiety first so that it no longer feels overwhelming. The key is to distract the mind so that it doesn’t focus too heavily on the way the body feels. This will help the automatic processes (like talking) remain automatic. By not focusing on the way she feels, she will reduce the risk of it repeating. Any form of relaxation has the potential to free up thoughts. Help your child embrace who they are, and above all else, do not try to force them. “Participation” means more than just speaking. It’s paying attention when you speak, it’s completing assignments, it’s being on time and it’s also about helping others. Most important, celebrate their strengths! ## Social Skills in Action: ### B*ecome your best self: socially engaged, confident, and open to the unlimited world of learning and connection.* ### More Social Skills Training For Kids: [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Families, Social Skills Development **Tags:** social skills in kids --- ### [Identifying Behavioral Patterns That Stop Your Kid with ADHD from Getting Things Done](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/behavioral-patterns-and-kid-with-adhd/) **Published:** August 17, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** If you are the parent of a child with ADHD, you may have a more challenging job than other parents due to your kid’s behavioral patterns that can be more taxing than their peers. Even a charming, cooperative kid with ADHD can get out of control as these behavioral patterns can be attributed to ADHD or other developmental or emotional challenges. The kid who thoughtfully talked to Grandma for over an hour last weekend is now ignoring your requests and even arguing back. When pressed, they may throw a tantrum (regardless of their age) or obliviously continue breaking long-standing family rules. ## **Kids with ADHD Often Have Challenging Behavior P**atterns Before we go further, it is important to recognize that your kid isn’t trying to be “bad”; they have a neurological condition. ADHD can make it hard for them to do things they find difficult or boring. This can be stressful for parents, since it turns homework and bedtime into battles. People with ADHD experience hyperactivity, impulsivity, and inattention in varying degrees. ## Your Child Isn’t Defiant — His Skills Are Lagging You wouldn’t expect a child to hit a baseball before learning how to swing the bat. Many children who struggle with behavioral challenges don’t have the skills they need to do what’s expected of them, and unfortunately, ADHD behavior patterns can lead to harsh — and mistaken — assumptions. There is the child who barges into a room, disrupting the conversation, or the one who laughs at a joke after everyone else has moved on in the conversation. These children may appear [rude](https://www.additudemag.com/why-is-your-child-so-rude/) or awkward, but not all we see is what it seems. “Children exhibit challenging behavioral patterns when the demands being placed upon them outstrip the skills they have to respond adaptively to those demands,” according to Dr. Ross Greene. In other words, when your child reacts explosively, your child lacks the skills needed to handle the situation. Kids with ADHD need help building coping skills, seeing things from another’s perspective, and developing problem-solving strategies. ## How ADHD’s Executive Function Challenges Impact Behavior Patterns Your child may seem stubborn or selfish, but neuroscience suggests that it is a lack of skills, specifically the brain-based “executive function” skills, that hold him back — not willfulness or laziness. Executive Function is the brain’s hub of skills — memory, organization, planning, self-regulation, and the ability to modify our behavior in response to others. ## How To Identify Your Child’s Lagging Skills One way you can identify your child’s lagging executive function skills is by asking yourself the following question: “What is getting in the way of my child’s success?” Start by trying to figure out what the overall reasons are for your child’s inconsistency. Some kids freak out about timed events or tests. Others can’t handle peer pressure, while others don’t understand social boundaries. Some don’t know what to do when they make a mistake, and they fall apart and blow the rest of the race, recital, test, etc. ##### \[[Review Dr. Greene’s lagging skills assessment to help identify your child’s lagging skills.](http://www.conncase.org/Customer-Content/WWW/CMS/files/2017_ConnCASE_Conf_Handouts/Dr.RossGreenePowerPointMaterials.pdf)\] ## Regain Control While Helping Your Child with ADHD It can be tempting to give them their way, but that can teach them that misbehaving works. Instead, it’s helpful to learn parenting strategies that can help kids improve their behavioral patterns over time. When executive skills lag, blaming, shaming or asking the child to push harder only makes matters worse. For the child with ADHD, this is especially true due to their brain makeup and processes for attention and behavior. Most of the focus surrounding ADHD and executive function skills centers around academic skills, yet the following strategies also influence social behavior patterns: #### **Believe Your Child Has The Will and Capacity to Learn** Your child has good intentions; it’s true! #### **Encourage, Illuminate, Engage** Recognize your kid’s qualities and effort. When he shows empathy toward someone, takes pride in something or rebounds from a failure, highlight the positive by using comments that begin with “I noticed…” or “You showed…” #### **Identify Stressors and Distraction**s Find specific ways to minimize stressors and distractions as they can lead to other, and possibly even greater, problems. #### **Create Structure** Children with ADHD need consistency and clear communication. Praise is important to reward good behavior and logical consequences for poor behavior. They also need lots of love, support, and encouragement. #### **Demonstrate Curiosity and Respect** Your kid is an expert on his own feelings and perspective. Give him a chance to practice connecting internal feelings to his outward behavior. That’s the executive function skill he needs to change behaviors patterns that aren’t working for him. #### **Help Your Child Make Friends** Help him become a better listener, learn to read people’s expressions and body language, and interact more smoothly with others. It’s easy for a child to lose heart in the struggle to learn and grow. Show confidence in the qualities she brings to her challenges. The truth is that everyone is working on something. ##### \[[**How to Coach Your Child** – This program guides parents on how to coach listening and communication skills.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/)\] ## Kids Want to Please Their Parents ##### Remind yourself: “If he could, he would.” Set aside discouraging assumptions about your child’s behavior patterns and replace them with “If he could, he would.” Children do not want to fail or to disappoint their parents. Every child wants to succeed; every child wants to grow up to become a capable human being. The idea of “would if he could” is a lens through which you look at your child and reset your understanding of him. Once your child begins to develop executive function skills — whether by getting homework done or managing big emotions — his success will motivate him to want more. A child needs continued support to navigate the academic learning curve and the social learning curve at the same time. ## Social Skills in Action: #### B*ecome your best self: socially engaged, confident, and open to the unlimited world of learning and connection.* ### More Social Skills Training For Kids: > [“Why Will No One Play with Me? Social Emotional Training for Teachers and Parents of Kids with ADHD” \[Video Replay & Podcast #418\]](https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/my-child-has-no-friends-adhd-social-skills/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Families **Tags:** social skills in kids --- ### [Have You Recently Been Diagnosed as An Adult With ADHD? How To Get Support Right Now](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/have-you-recently-been-diagnosed-as-an-adult-with-adhd-how-to-get-support-right-now/) **Published:** August 16, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Have you been diagnosed as an adult With ADHD? That is good news! Now you can learn how to manage it in order to excel in all areas of your life! ADHD is often diagnosed later in life because it can be “hidden” and because fundamentally many people don’t know about ADHD and therefore they were not able to help you find your path to understand what you needed. Another reason for a late diagnosis might be because symptoms often appear similar to other conditions. Also, many people – especially women – are misunderstood. When they were quiet and didn’t make trouble in school or seemed “spacey”, their diagnosis was missed when in fact they have inattentive ADHD. Undiagnosed ADHD can lead to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc. It may have left you feeling baffled trying to make sense out of your own brilliance and yet contrasting struggles. But the good news is that now that you understand your unique brain wiring, you can see a path forward. You have the answers you never had before. It’s like taking off glasses and finally seeing clearly. Now you can start to see what you need and how you need to do things using strategies that work for ADHD people, rather than trying to use methods that just don’t work for us. You can now begin to reframe your gifts, talents and strengths. A boss once told me that I could see the forest through the trees. At times that was a struggle until I realized I could see things uniquely, and then it became magic; a power that was missing in my life before. \[Read: **[How Is ADHD Diagnosed?](https://www.additudemag.com/download/how-is-adhd-diagnosed/?src=embed_link)\]** ## **Is ADHD to Blame For a Lifetime of Struggles and Misunderstandings?** Have you been called lazy, underperforming, anxious, unfocused or absent minded? Do you struggle with lateness, forgetfulness, difficulty following through, paying attention and setting and reaching goals? Once you better understand how your brain and unique wiring work, you can set up your environment to support you. You may thrive in a fast-paced environment, as do many folks with ADHD, but the struggle with the paperwork may make that job a tough fit. If you find yourself staying late, working on weekends, and covering your desk with Post-it notes just to keep up, you may not be managing ADHD as well as needed. Don’t let this “label” make you feel “less than”! In fact, many believe that ADHD is their super-power. Having the trait ADHD does not mean you have a mental illness or that you are “damaged.” It is a neurological condition and its symptoms can improve through successful management that may include medication, behavioral techniques, caffeine and most of all, understanding your ADHD. ## **How Does Adult ADHD Affect Social Skills?** Being diagnosed as an adult with ADHD now provides you with a reason for why you may feel emotions so intensely. Individuals with ADHD often experience social difficulties, social rejection, and interpersonal relationship problems as a result of their inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity. You may have been told you are over-sensitive, intense or emotional and many of your relationships are filled with misunderstanding and mis-communication, which can result in emotional suffering and may also contribute to the development of co-morbid mood and anxiety disorders. You may feel over stimulated, overwhelmed and miss things in social situations because the stimuli around you makes its hard to pay attention. Do you sometimes stay secluded in your own little cocoon and forget to reach out to people? You might struggle with how to make conversation, how to connect and how to stop oversharing or how to share at all. ## **Impact of ADHD on Social Interactions** As ADHD is not a “visible” trait, others may misinterpret the messages and acts and therefore may consider the adult with ADHD as rude, self-centered, etc. These labels can result in social rejection, which in turn can create lower self-esteem in the individual and friction with partners. ## **How Adults with ADHD Can Acquire Better Social Skills** Maybe you have a hard time waiting for your turn to speak, or you are often late, or maybe you struggle to walk across the hall and say hi to an acquaintance. If you know what your weaknesses are, you can work on them. If you know what your strengths are, you can lean into them. I recommend watching others in order to study how they react if you are unsure of how to engage in a social situation. In [**Social Spy**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/becoming-a-social-spy-how-to-understand-anyone%EF%BF%BC/), I detail how social skills are generally acquired through incidental learning: watching people, copying their behavior, practicing, and getting peer feedback. Although most people start this process early in childhood, it is never too late to build social skills. People with ADHD often miss details; picking up bits and pieces but missing the birds-eye view of social expectations. Social acceptance is rewarded for those with good social skills and this in turn encourages these individuals to develop even better social skills. For individuals with ADHD, it is the reverse effect. Their lack of social skills leads to peer rejection and avoidance, which then limits opportunities to learn social skills, which leads to more rejection, and so on. In addition, we often don’t know exactly what we did to alienate people or how to improve our social approach or even where to start. That is why, as imperfect though I am, I spend all my time figuring out how to help people learn how to be social in their own way. ## **Treatment Strategies to Help Adults with ADHD Build Social Skills** A common method of building social skills is in social skills training group, as the coach or therapist addresses specific social behaviors through a combination of role-play and practice. For people with ADHD, it is the executive function challenges that impair social growth. Thus, the social skills may already exist, but are inefficiently used. An effective dose of medication can boost the self-control and concentration necessary to utilize newly acquired social skills, as can reinforcement and behavioral intervention. ## **8 Ways to Master Social Skills with ADHD:** ### 1. **Consider Your Internal Narrative** In addition to understanding the reasons you are struggling, it’s important to understand the reasons we *think* we’re struggling (these may or may not be the same). To do this, you need to be aware of your internal narrative. Maybe your story goes, “I’m boring, so no one wants to talk to me,” or “Everyone thinks I’m weird.” Try to recognize and understand your internal story line so you can get to the heart of the matter. ### 2. **Decipher the Subtext** Emerging research shows that the more we watch actions and gestures, the more we remember them. This is part of why Social Spy is such an effective way to learn nuanced social skills. Social Spy is a technique that helps raise social awareness by simply watching with intention as other people engage in social situations. Seventy percent of social information is nonverbal, so be sure to observe expressions, habits, norms, unspoken rules, body language, and other visual cues. The more you do this, the more you’ll relate what you’re seeing to your own actions. Notice problematic social behaviors, the impact of those actions and make the connection to themselves. ### 3. **Interpret Meaning** To interpret body language, tone of voice and behavior, look for clues (dress, facial expressions, energy) and alternative possibilities. Examine their choice of words to better detect the subtext: “I’d love to” vs. “If you want to.” Do their actions counter their words? Work with a friend to share interpretations to better understand hidden language. Recognize that politeness may be an effort to disguise actual feelings. ### 4. **Listen for Important Details** Let’s meet at the park at noon, may be misunderstood as meet at noon. This can lead to misunderstandings such as the listener wasn’t intentionally paying attention or didn’t value what they had to say. ### 5. **Read the Room** It is important to learn how to scan the space and environment for verbal and nonverbal energy, words or dynamics. Why? So we can tailor our messages. Stress impacts our ability to read the room. We are all under stress due to the uncertainty associated with the pandemic and the political environment. Reading the room right now may be different than it was before so taking others’ perspective is more important now than before. The good news is you can work on this both virtually and in person. Reading the Room comes easily for some, and less easily for others. Failure to stop and observe what the others are saying, the mood in the room and the subtle context can result in devastating social consequences, including speaking unfiltered thoughts and opinions. \[[Read more: How Adept Are You At Reading the Room?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/)\] ### 6. **Manage Impulsivity, Hyperactivity**, Rejection Sensitivity Impulsive actions often lead to poor decision-making. Impulsivity may also be the root cause for rapid, excessive talking that provides little room for others to join in the conversation. Failure to sit still and concentrate during activities and events can be misinterpreted as a lack of caring. Develop a system of confirming what you heard by asking, “I heard you say we need to be at the movies at 7:30pm. Did I get that right?” In this way, social errors due to inattention can be avoided. When you experience **[Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/)**, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming and mammoth inside you and it’s crushing – even crippling! Future planning is the key to strategizing ways of softening or eliminating these reactions. When this event occurs, even if it is a small non-event to most, it feels enormous and can literally is paralyze you. Read: **[ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/)** \[Visit: **[How to Improve Social Skills Professionally and with Peers video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/improve-social-skills-professionally-with-peers/)\]** ### 7. **Visualization** Decide how you want to act, how you want to be perceived and what your intension are before arriving at a social event. Rehearse it in your mind. Imagine using your newly forming social skill(s). Picture the setting and the try to interpret others’ reactions. Repeat this many times to increase your confidence and to increase the likelihood of success. ### 8. **Set Up the Environment** Reminders have proven essential to using the correct social behavior at the opportune moment. Use prompts: visual (an index card), verbal (someone telling you to be quiet), physical (a vibrating watch set every 4 minutes reminding you to be quiet), or a gesture (someone rubbing their head) – to stay focused on particular social skill goals. I recommend to work on one goal at a time, to allow you to master each skill before moving on to the next. ## **The Benefits of ADHD** Sure, ADHD has disadvantages, but it also comes with advantages. Pat yourself on the back for being enthusiastic, curious, energetic, spontaneous, fun and caring – qualities that make you a fantastic friend! You may not remember everyone’s birthday, but with proper assessment, treatment and education, individuals with ADHD can learn to interact with others effectively in a way that enhances their social life. ## We All Need Socialization! Even if spending time with people drains you and you don’t feel like putting in the effort to attend an event, it’s important to find social skills activities that help recharge your energy and make you feel connected. For more suggestions on adult social skills development, check out our new product: [**Meet People with Confidence**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) > [Meeting People with Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) ### More Adult Social Skills Training Resources: **[ADHD And Friends: Blurting, Oversharing And Small Talk](https://www.tracyotsuka.com/podcasts/152/)** [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully **[Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/)** [**Becoming A Social Spy: How to Understand Anyone**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/becoming-a-social-spy-how-to-understand-anyone%EF%BF%BC/)  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, ADHD & Executive Function & LD, Adults, Blog **Tags:** social skills --- ### [Parenting Tips To Get Your Kid To Share Their Feelings About Living With ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parenting-tips-to-get-your-kid-to-share-their-feelings-about-living-with-adhd/) **Published:** November 29, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You ask your child how he feels and despite his grumpy tone, slamming things on the counter, and gruff demeanor, he says,”fine.” Your child gets off the bus and you know something happened at school [as she retreats to the basement](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/managing-silence-in-conversations/) with headphones on. You notice that lately your son has come home early from activities and does not reach out to his friends. Instead, he spends most of his time playing video games by himself. Your daughter seems to be down; a mix of sad and anxious, but you’re worried that if you broach the subject of school and friends, she’ll reject your advice outright. ## **It’s hard to be a parent today. It’s *harder* to be a kid.** Watching your kids go through hard times is a right of passage we all face as parents. And as much as we wish we had the magic answers, sometimes, all we can do is [watch as our kids struggle with their feelings](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-3-managing-your-lovehate-relationship-with-your-adhd-child/). Whether it’s friends (or a lack of friendships), feeling misunderstood, poor grades, or other social challenges in school, kids with ADHD have deeper burdens on their shoulders than many of their peers. And even with so much of the neurotypical experience being socially accepted, even embraced in some communities, often kids still feel left out and ostracized. Why seemingly “normal” challenges are so difficult is a pain most parents wish they could take away. I’ve thought about this a lot. Helping parents understand what they can, and can’t do for their kid is a big part of my books and my work. ## **The Importance of Emotional Intelligence** The truth is, some kids lack the ability to understand and identify their emotions. Sometimes this is because they haven’t yet developed a strong mind- body connection. Not having this connection between what they feel and how they feel interferes with their ability to identify “what I am feeling right now.” And while your child may resist discussion, overture and cajoling, they may also struggle to identify what they are feeling altogether. Understanding emotions is a key aspect of coping with feelings and one of the keys to having emotional intelligence. As parents, we want our children to have the ability to cope with emotions rather than having their emotions rule them. Below are the 9 vital parenting tips I share with parents to help them make sense of their kid’s emotional reaction to having ADHD. Most of the tips are also useful in any stressful conversation with your child or colleagues who struggle to make peace with how their brain works. ## 9 Parenting Tips To Get Your Kid To Open Up About Their Feelings ### \#1 Start with Small Conversations It’s easy to be affected negatively by your child and their emotions (especially when those feelings are directed at you). But, by surrendering the conversation, you leave your child without critical guidance. Start by finding a consistent time or a positive place to talk. Break up the routine. Spend time with your child one-on-one without siblings, and give your child the space to hear that you care and that you are worried. This time together will help your child feel comfortable opening up to you. Don’t impose your goals, just reflect and be curious. ### \#2 Reflect, Clarify and Be Curious Kids and adults with ADHD often struggle to really “read the room” accurately. Learning to reflect, clarify and be curious is a life skill everyone can benefit from. As a parent, paraphrasing and repeating back what your child says demonstrates empathy and helps clarify your concerns. For example, he might declare, “People should invite me to play—I shouldn’t have to approach them.” Reflect this statement back to him, “What I hear you saying is that you won’t approach anyone; they must come to you.” By summarizing and repeating his statements, you allow your child to clarify, share more information, and to tell his interpretation of the statement. By being curious and trying to understand his perspective, you invite him to be comfortable opening up to you. Having a calm, empathetic and open conversation – even in the heat of the moment – allows your child to know that in the future, he can count on you as a partner rather than a judge. ### \#3 Improve their Emotional Vocabulary Prompt your child to improve their emotional vocabulary so their ADHD carries a more in-depth set of experiences than the labels kids hear at school or from their peers. This confidence building technique will give your child greater accuracy with their own feelings as well as understanding the world around them. If the child says a common word like “angry,” suggest other words like “disappointed”, “irritated” or “annoyed.” Then, ask her to consider what word best labels her current state or emotions the best. By doing this exercise often, you help your child deepen their emotional vocabulary bank, giving them a greater depth and breadth to pull from when someone asks “how are you feeling?” ### \#4 Teach Kids About Their Brain The ADHD brain is just like every other brain in many ways, starting with the fact that it’s ancient and still reacts to perceived “threats” with alarm and a cascade of emotions (even when the threat isn’t real). Even the mere perception of a threat can cause the brain to rush into the actions of fight, flight or freeze. Helping kids to understand how this mental flooding impacts their ADHD symptoms can raise their awareness about what’s going on in their body when they experience sensations common in the fight/flight response such as a pounding heart, sweaty palms, etc. ### \#5 Next Teach Kids About The “Thinking Me vs. Reactive Me” There is a big difference between a thinking brain (one that encourages problem solving, learning and paying attention) and the reactive brain (one that encourages heightened emotional states and leads to big emotions such as arguing, yelling, becoming snappy or feeling flooded with feelings). For many people with ADHD, learning to pause is a game-changer when reactions often come fast and furious. Part of developing greater emotional control is to become more reflective and to tune into your emotional state. As kids learn how they act when they are in different emotional states, it helps them explore what actions or tones they use in a “thinking” vs “reactive” state. And from there, they have options/choices to act differently and affect the world around them in a healthier way. ### \#6 Label Emotions The better you are at identifying the right word to match different emotional states, the more confident your child will become at recognizing their own inner emotional state. When kids can identify, name and then process emotional nuances such as feeling hopeful, overwhelmed, disappointed or frustrated, they take a big step in identifying the true nature of their feelings or the feelings they are witnessing around them. ### \#7 Identify and Help With Obsessive & Negative Intrusive Thoughts Many kids with ADHD ruminate, catastrophize and label every setback or challenge as “the end of the world.” Helping your child recognize the signs of rumination is a big step in helping them gain some awareness of how their thoughts fuel their feelings. [From a technical- brain level](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7047632/), some people are more prone to rumination due to an overactive cingulate gyrus – the gear shifter in the brain. If this mechanism in the brain gets “stuck”, cycling from thought to thought or activity to activity can be difficult. One way to help your child get unstuck is by showing them how to do an “emotional temperature body scan” to see what they are feeling in their body and mind. #### Start with the head and one body part or section at a time, ask your child to tell you what they’re feeling? What do you feel in your head? What do you feel in your nose? What do you feel in your mouth? What do you feel in your neck? What do you feel in your upper back? ETC! Then, ask your child to ask themselves, “Am I ruminating?” “Am I stuck?” If the answer is yes, engage in mindfulness practices to de-escalate the effects of rumination. Here’s an ADHD [podcast I recommend](https://www.blogtalkradio.com/attentiontalkradio/2016/04/07/adhd-mindfulness-in-a-minute) on mindfulness to help. ### \#8 Perception vs. Facts For many people in a heightened emotional state, it’s easy to get lost in the story or the details of an event. For kids with rejection sensitivity as a part of their ADHD profile, this exercise of “perception vs facts” can be a game changer. When your child seems reactive and is coping with emotions, help your child better understand the context of the situation and look at the story they are telling themselves as s/he ruminates. Show your child how to double-check their reasoning. Maybe they didn’t fully understand the comment, intention, or act? “*What evidence is there that this story is true? What else could it be?”* Then, work with your child to help alter their inner story by replacing negative thoughts with neutral thoughts. Instead of “I know she read my text yet won’t respond” consider reframing to, “she may not have read it, or she did read it but is busy and can’t respond right away.” ### \#9 Use Data to Backup or Interpret a Situation Your child may be ruminating because they are missing an important piece of information. When people ruminate, they are often caught in a loop around “why” as in, *“Why did my friend look the other way?” or “Why didn’t they take my call?” or “Why won’t she hang out with me?* In 2018 [Tasha Eurich’s research on self-awareness](https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it) found that “why” questions are ineffective because we are asking why without the data from other people. Without other information to explain or reason-out why events are happening, your child may continue to ruminate because they are unable to interpret the situation. Data is evidence. Facts. Proof. It’s not opinions, hunches or guesses. The ADHD mind that tends to ruminate on negative thoughts can’t see another reason for their painful feelings. Data helps bring new reasons for their feelings. It also helps to address fight or flight feelings and bring your child back down from an emotional worry that has caused them to isolate or avoid friends, conversations or socializing. Parenting is always harder when your child is avoiding you and emanating feelings of upset they won’t tell you about. Add in a dose of teenage angst and things can get really challenging. But, I’ll tell you this, teaching your kids at whatever age you encounter this article, the importance of a deep emotional vocabulary will help you in any emotional event you experience with them. Being a kid is hard, but as parents we can arm our children with the words they need to tell you accurately what they’re feeling at any time. I can’t promise your child will become a chatterbox when they want to hide out and play video games, but I can promise you that with practice, you’ll both get closer to the truth when it comes to their feelings. Practice these nine parenting tips to help you whenever your spidey senses are on full alert that something is going on. It will make you a more confident parent and your child will know that they can trust you with whatever heartaches come their way. https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/learn-how-to-help-your-socially-awkward-kid-feel-calm-and-confident  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [How People with ADHD Develop and Overcome a Social Hangover](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adhd-executive-function-and-social-challenges/) **Published:** October 12, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Can you relate to this? You wish you could say that pithy comeback to a comment that knocked you off guard. Today, you ruminate about why someone would have said that, and how you should have responded. If the comment was off-putting, you should have defended yourself or someone else with a funny and yet direct response. If the comment was complimentary, you kick yourself for not acknowledging it politely and appreciatively. Welcome to the world of social hangovers with ADHD! Those of us who struggle with executive function challenges, may say too much, over-react, deny involvement, blurt out hurtful comments or speak in a tone that is off-putting. And since we did not read facial or non-verbal cues, we may over-compliment until the recipient feels awkward, or we stay silent since we either became distracted and miss a critical pieces of a conversation or we think that we are not “smart” enough to add to the conversation. ## **ADHD, Lagging Executive Function Skills and the Social Hangover** Over the years I’ve developed a framework that not only keeps me organized but also makes socializing feel so much more natural. I have introduced this to hundreds of people and they report positive results too. Executive function is the management system of the brain and represents the different processes that work together to produce things like attention, self- management, emotional regulation, self-regulation, organization and working memory. Every social behavior is dependent on the strength of our executive functioning. The good news is that executive function can be strengthened at any age and that having one area of weakness does not mean that the other EF areas are also weak. In fact, as a person with ADHD, you do have strengths – tremendous strengths. We all do! You have an ability, gift, talent, etc., that no one else can replicate. The key is to use this strength to guide you away from having social hangovers. *“Think of this definition of Executive Function: To have a goal; To think about how to achieve that goal; To create an action plan to get to the goal; To self‐regulate our behaviors and emotions to carry out that goal.”* ~ **Executive Function definition from Michelle Garcia Winner, Social Skills Coach** ## **How Does This Executive Function Definition Translate into Your Daily ADHD Social Life?** Whether your goal is to respond to emails, to be more centered, or to pay attention to people’s body language, we need a plan and we need to manage our emotions and behaviors. This is no easy task, but it is possible if we try, practice and know how our brains work. In order to read people better we have to start by better reading ourselves and by not holding ourselves to an unreasonably high standard. ## **Steps to Ensuring You Don’t Feel Lonely or Isolated When You Have ADHD** #### 1. Figure out what you have been missing and “pre-game.” Find out what you want! Notice how you feel. I have learned that **what I NEED as a person w/ ADHD to socialize:** • Hydration • Sleep • Someone I know or I’ll get overwhelmed • To feel OK; good mood • To play mental games when there’s too much talking – Related to EF • Effort worth it • Self-talk to be positive **What I DON’T WANT:** and might need help to cope with and manage • Crowds or I’ll get too stimulated • Boredom; My brain needs to be fired-up #### 2. Use your strengths You don’t have any strengths? I hear this often, but I know you do. Here are some strengths that others have detailed: attention to detail, compassion, bravery, exuberance, deep focus, novel approaches, creativity. We are often exuberant and very zesty. And because we crave stimulation, we might be a little too exuberant and say the wrong thing – too loudly! But we can ultimately learn how to pause and how to manage what we say, and keep the zest and the fun and the things that make us unique. Use your strengths, what allows you to feel confident and centered. #### 3. Micro connections Start off small, with actionable steps that don’t require drastic measures. Try for three small connections a day, such as being the first to say hello and chatting with someone after church. #### 4. Speak to Yourself with Compassion Positive self-talk helps us take a birds-eye view of a situation. Is it really as scary as we think? Are the others really smarter, prettier, funnier, etc. than us? Start a circle of support so you feel less alone. #### 5. Build Social Skills Whatever the root cause of the social hangover, we can at any age build social skills. It takes practice and may feel daunting, but every little win, every skill you advance will help you make greater connections. ## How To Prevent a Social Hangover with ADHD There is no one root cause for our social hangover. For some, it’s a self-regulation issue. For others, its anxiety induced and for others it’s an amygdala hijacking! All these come from an EF challenge. Connection is the core of life. To prevent a social hangover with ADHD, we need to understand our short-comings, set things up to demonstrate our strengths, lessen our weaknesses and be gentle with ourself. Was last night really that awful, or was it just not the right situation with the right mindset? ## We all need socialization! Even if spending time with people drains you and you don’t feel like putting in the effort to attend an event, it’s important to find social skills activities that help recharge your energy and make you feel connected. For more suggestions on adult social skills development, check out our new product: [**Meet People with Confidence**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) > [Meeting People with Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) ## Actionable, well-researched and accurate information to improve social lives: ### More Adult Social Skills Training Resources: [**Join me October 14th for my TADD Talk “ADHD, Lagging Executive Function Skills and the Social Hangover – Steps to Ensure You Don’t Feel Lonely or Isolated**](https://add.org/taddtalks/)“ **[How To Read the Room So You’re More Confident Around](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/) [Your Co-workers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)** [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD --- ### [Why Social Spy Is The "Lie To Me" For The Next Generation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-social-spy-is-the-lie-to-me-for-the-next-generation/) **Published:** December 14, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You enter a social situation and immediately feel overloaded by stimuli: sounds, sights, the warmth from lights and bodies or perhaps the opposite, the cold of the air conditioner or the silence of the room. All of these “sensory” inputs can feel overwhelming and interfere with focusing on what you’re here to do. If you’re also someone with a heavy inner critic and a photographic memory of all of your past mistakes and foibles, it’s no wonder reading the room is hard. Your worries about being able to connect with other people and “be social” are at risk of failing because your ability to read your environment is now in question. As you experience the inner yelling match between your inner state (voice in your head) and outer state (the world around you), discerning subtle social cues, knowing what is truly important versus a passing detail is especially difficult if you are neurodiverse. Discernment, organizing your attention and focus are all difficult. When people talk about “reading the room” or becoming a human lie detector it feels complicated- almost elusive to you. And yet, this is the key to understanding how to feel calm, safe and even confident in social settings. ## What Exactly are we Talking About? The truth is that facial expressions and body language give you critical information about the inner emotional world of other people. Their reactions tell you what they are feeling at the moment. These impulses otherwise known as microexpressions flash across people’s faces and inadvertently reveal the inner feelings of your coworkers, friends and acquaintances. This is true for every area of your life from coffee shops to banks, school to your office and all across your daily life. ## So What is Lie to Me? The concept of reading microexpressions was made famous by the TV show [Lie to Me](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1235099/) and the work of Paul Ekman. [Microexpressions are](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microexpression) the brief, fleeting expressions people have when they experience emotions or react to other people. As Ekman notes, “The face offers us the best window into the emotional lives of others.” But for many people watching for a flicker or fast moving facial expression is too hard to process. Not to mention adding all of those micro bits of data together to tell you what’s going on. Imagine trying to do that while stressed out about trying to make conversation and manage your own emotions at the same time. It’s daunting. The truth is watching microexpressions requires strong executive function skills. These skills come together to organize your thoughts, notice and detect the quick moving expressions and process quickly what those expressions mean. This kind of processing isn’t readily available to everyone. But it does work. Learning to read body language and facial expressions needs to feel attainable; something people can be motivated to learn so anyone can feel they are successful and not repeating past failures. The process needs to be fun, engaging, stimulating, even gamified. Learning through games has been shown to increase understanding, improve motivation and even catapult understanding. Enter Social Spy. ## Social Spy Is Simple Social Spy is a simplified and fun process to help you learn how to observe key social clues from the people around you and then use that information to make better decisions. It incorporates two key ingredients: quiet observation and informed decision making. When you react to social environments with the information social spying provides you, you are less likely to make the wrong move, speak out of turn or say something that will offend, hurt or trigger the person you’re speaking to. It also builds confidence so you feel better about all of your social interactions, from work to play, school to the playground. It works for kids and adults and is a great tool to teach anyone how to observe before reacting. ### Social Spy can be used to: - Observe the unspoken rules of different environments - Notice body language, facial expressions - Identify people’s emotions - Detect how they talk about topics - Identify people’s type of humor - Check your perspective Spying is quietly observing subtly, without staring, hovering or leering. It means watching people without being obvious. Spy can be noticing the nonverbal communication of people you know, someone in a meeting or even strangers. Rather than looking for fleeting expressions, Social Spy is watching big group muscles, observing the whole scene and then zooming in to observe people’s facial expressions, body language or to listen for their tone of voice. Social Spy is something anyone can learn – at any age. [Here’s how you do it.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/becoming-a-social-spy-how-to-understand-anyone/) Neurodiversity has risen in popularity dramatically over the past three years. In fact, on Google alone, the term is searched for more than 300K times a month (Dec 2022 SEMRush). As we talk more and more about how common it is for people young and old to interact socially, solutions like Social Spy are more important than ever. And the best news is that it’s completely accessible. Everyone can learn to be a great social spy. All it takes is a little effort to learn how to steathfully read the room and then interact with the people around you. ***If you or someone you love needs help with social spy, making friends or other social challenges, please [check out my store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/shop/) for support or [watch my latest Tedx Talk on How To Become A Social Spy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=a7Dia1TwTuY).***  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [19 Social Skills Activities For Adults Who Want To Learn How To Relate To Others & Make New Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/13-social-skills-activities-for-adults/) **Published:** January 17, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Making friends as an adult is hard. Finding how and where to make friends as an adult is harder! Especially if you are anxious, have some social avoidance and maybe a history of feeling different, left out or rejected. Or maybe you are trying to figure out this “adulting” thing and staying in your fuzzy socks feels easier. No matter what the reason – feeling that connection, the zing, the flood of joy to meet someone like you with similar interests is powerful and we crave it. When we struggle with anxiety and past rejection, having an excuse to interact with people and to find people with shared interests is key. Having a job, a role and something that gives you an excuse to reach out, chat, and connect makes the quest for new relationships easier. Hands-on participation and having a role that is clear also eliminates one of our other pitfalls, where you feel so physically awkward and don’t know what to do with your body. Many of these activities make your physical and psychological role clear so you don’t have to think about every move you make, you have activity to keep your brain busy and you know what to do with yourself. And these activities help you find the people with shared interests and common ground. Now you have something to talk about, bond over and bridge into seeing each other outside the time you are together. ## Here are the 19 social skills I recommend to adults to help them easily test-out making new friends and related better to others. ##### Please share in the comments what’s worked for you! Whatever your age or your budget these activities can help you meet new people. In addition to adding to your social calendar, I recommend deciding – in advance – what specific mission you want to work on, such as giving someone space and not interrupting, trying to keep the chit chat light, and others about their interests. ### **\#1 Cooking Classes** Cooking classes, baking classes and learning to make any kind of food is a way to keep your hands busy while meeting new friends. As everyone needs to eat, this can be one of life’s greatest pleasures. Invite your friends – or people you want to get to know better – to lunch or dinner and make an effort to try new restaurants regularly to keep things fresh. ### **\#2 Animal Adoption Centers** Adoption centers are often looking for volunteers to help support their team. They will give you jobs to do and help you interact not only with our fury friends but also with other volunteers. This kind of hands-on work allows you to have an excuse to speak to the other volunteers and fills your brain with positive chemicals that can help you feel connected. ### \#3 Foreign **Language Class**es Language classes help you get ready for adventure and might be a way to meet people, study together and explore the foods and culture you are learning about. ### \#4 **Habitat for Humanity** This [**super supportive organization**](https://www.habitat.org/) brings people together to build homes. And it’s no surprise that building a house every week for few months builds a bond. Many churches and other organizations pledge to help with this worthy cause and bring their staff and congregation along. Getting coffee after a build or chatting over interests while you shingle can be a great way to bond and make new friends. The work gives you an extra excuse to chat and be with people which makes finding common interests easier than you might imagine. ### \#5 Adult Education Classes Learn something new while practicing making conversation and finding people with mutual interests. You’ve heard the saying, “two heads are better than one,” right? Since you need to study the same content as others in your class, why not combine this time with your friends (or soon-to-be-friends)? Research shows us that we can retain more information when working with others, plus, you can inspire each other to study even when you would rather not. Classes offer an excellent way to turn strangers into friends. ### **\#6 Special Interest Club**s Whatever your special interest may be, there are clubs and groups who also feel the same way. True crime podcasts and chat rooms, Marvel clubs, adult robotics all exist online and may are ways to easily interact with people online or in your area who share a similar set of interests. You could even consider something like buying a robotics kit and offering a club through a local social media page or local newspaper. ### \#7 Craft Classes Whether you are a fan of sewing, bird-watching, gardening, wreath making, quilting, painting, scrap-booking or some other kind of hands-on craft, the more you are with people who share the same interest as you do, the easier it is to find topics to talk about. Your hands are busy giving you the opportunity to chat about the craft (and anything else that comes up) while you work. ### \#8 **Dungeons and Dragons Clubs** Whether it’s online, at local comic book stores, local game stores, book stores, or at people’s homes, many people get together to play Dungeons and Dragons. This long lasting game is a great way to meet people and open up over time doing something you love. ### \#9 Hiking and Walking Groups Hiking meetups are a great way to connect with new people with similar interests and activity levels. Join an event near you and while you’re on your hike, be sure to practice making small talk. Walking is a low-impact activity where you can socialize and get exercise at the same time. All you need is a good pair of walking shoes and anyone can join in. Look for groups on social media and on Google. Read more on **[how to make small talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/).** ### \#10 Double Date Opposites attract! Maybe you are in a relationship with someone who is more outgoing than you, or may also want to work on social skills. You can strengthen your relationship with your partner while initiating new friendships. ### \#11 Book Clubs Even if reading is something you do regularly, joining a book club can help you not only read more but its also a great way to socialize with friends. Most book clubs include social time in addition to discussing the book. Look for popular book clubs on social media and ask your friends/family. There’s often a person in your inner circle (or close to your inner circle) who has explore book clubs and has some advice to share. ### \#12 Group Travel and Tours Traveling with a group can be safer, less expensive and more fun than traveling alone. It is also a great way to socialize with new friends while exploring somewhere new. Search online for travel tours going to cities far and wide you want to visit or equally remote corners of the world you’ve dreamed of spending time in. On your tour you’ll have the opportunity to connect with others who share your love of travel and culture. ### \#13 Dog Parks Being a regular anywhere allows you to bump into the same people. Proximity can help you strike up a conversation. Socialize your dog and yourself. ### \#14 Yoga Classes and Retreats Yoga classes are a great way to interact with people enjoy the same wellness activities as you do. At a yoga retreat, you can spend a few days with like-minded yogis, meeting people who share your interest in health and wellness. ### \#15 Softball, Ultimate Frisbee and Other Pick-up Sports Almost every city or town has a local park where you can just show up and play softball leagues, hockey, Ultimate Frisbee, soccer and basketball to name a few. If you go at the same time each week, you may end up playing with the same people, which can give you more to chat about and help you build friendships. ### \#16 Alumni Associations Work with your college or high school to network with alumni, plan events and connect with other people who share your love and appreciation for your alma mater. **[Practice being a social spy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ted-talk/)** to find out more about your peers and what keeps them connected to your old school. Work on your chit chat skills to make conversation around your shared interests and the tasks or project you’re working on together. ### \#17 Improv or Standup Comedy Class One of the best ways to practice social skills is by participating in improv. Improv helps you learn communication, collaboration, risk taking, listening, and on-the-spot thinking. The supportive culture of improv can foster trying out new things and it’s fun. Improv is all about saying yes to whatever skit you are in. So, if this kind of spontaneous activity fits your interests, you already be with other people who love to have fun. Stand up comedy is known to improve public speaking and may not be for everyone but it is said to be a fun group and a way to break out of your shell. ### \#18 Kid’s Playgrounds and Other Parent Meeting Events Chat while the kids are on the play structure and monitoring your child on the slide opens the door to chat. ### \#19 Volunteering Volunteering gives you a job or role that brings you together with like-minded people who share a similar cause or set of interests. This common ground allows you to connect more easily with people and often gives you an excuse to connect with outside of the volunteer opportunity. Your common ground gives you an easy set of things to talk about which makes “making friends” simpler and less stressful. Volunteering at your local church, group or organization gives you a simple way to practice making small talk, working as a team and hopefully making connections and friends. ## Learn To Meet New People Confidently! Even if spending time with people drains you and you don’t feel like putting in the effort to attend an event, it’s important to find social skills activities that help recharge your energy and make you feel connected. And the more you practice, the easier it will become for you to [feel comfortable in your own skin](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/comfortable-in-your-own-skin/) and celebrate what you bring to your friendships. Please [follow me on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/) for more insights and [join my newsletter list](https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/su/0OIxUyx/Welcome) for extra goodies and support.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ### [15 Ways To Help Your Teen/Tween When a Friendship Suddenly Ends (Advice For Mom & Dad)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-teen-when-a-friendship-ends/) **Published:** February 4, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We tend to think of romantic relationships as the ones that break our hearts. But, when a friendship suddenly ends, it can hurt just as badly. This is especially true for kids and teens, many of whom have had a tough time with relationships over the past few years. Pandemic aside, the reality is making friends is a life skill and rocky relationships contribute greatly to stress, heartache and even bouts of depression and anxiety. Teens with ADHD, anxiety or other neurodiverse components to their personalities can take the ending of a friendship particularly hard especially if the friendship was one of a few important relationships in their lives. Teens who have few, but not many, friends can take the ending of a friendship very badly. As a parent, this is not only hard to watch, but it’s hard to know the right things to do or say to help your teenager recover. ## How common is it for friendships to end? Most parents I work with have shared stories of their kid enduring a friendship breakup. Whether the experience was actually “good” for their kid, or it was a sad fact of life, Moms and Dads are likely to experience some form of friendship loss in their child’s life. Knowing how to manage it is key to helping your child recover from this all-too-common rite of passage. ## Why are friendship breakups so hard? The answer here lies in two factors: your child’s emotional constitution and their level of resiliency. Many kids with ADHD also experience “rejection sensitivity.” This co-occurring challenge affects how people perceive rejection in all its forms. Because people with ADHD and other neurodiverse mindsets also commonly receive negative feedback in the form of criticism for their behaviors and/or correction from parents and teachers for their social behaviors, many are also sensitive to loss. Friends can be hard to make when you’re the kid who is perceived to be “challenging”, and to have made a friend and then lost a friend is a deep wound. The skill of resiliency isn’t always intuitive to kids. The learning curve almost always includes experiencing some form of loss and then finding your way into recovery from that loss. But make no mistake about it, the first time you endure a friendship breakup, it stings. ## So what can you do? Help your teen understand why it hurts so much when friendships end Talk to your teen and hear their hurt. It’s OK to feel devastated, angry, lost, confused or shocked at what happened. Feelings are real and truly matter when it comes to grief. There’s no timetable for “getting over it” nor is there a template that says “you’ll stop feeling bad when X happens.” We all grieve in our own way. And, when the timing is right, normalize their feelings. They are not the first kid to experience a friendship breakup and this will not likely be the only time in their lives when they’re sad about how a relationship turned out. It makes sense to feel sad and any other grief-like feelings. ## Finally, when the timing is right, look for the silver lining Maybe the friendship wasn’t as great as they thought it was. Often toxic friends are the ones that “breakup with us” so they may one day actually be thankful for the ending. Silver-linings can be talked about too soon, so be mindful before you share that “this is for the best” with your teen. If it’s too soon, you may find yourself on the other side of a cold shoulder. ## With all of this said, here are 15 ways to help your teen recover from a friendship breakup ### 1. Be There Your teen will open up more if he feels understood. By holding back judgment, you become your child or teenager’s partner and create a safe harbor and judge-free zone. Remember, you are your kid’s original teacher. Being with them whatever their emotional state is all you have to do. ### 2. Help Your Teen Realize These Things Happen Your teen may feel like they are the only one this happens to, but almost everyone on the planet has had a friendship suddenly end. People change, and needs change too, and sometimes a relationship ending can be a good thing. | As it makes sense, normalize their feelings so they don’t feel like they’re “the only one” to feel so sad or angry that a friendship has ended. Loss can be expressed in many different ways including anger, sadness, fear, isolation, mental distractions and more and unless it’s harmful, all of it is normal and ok. ### 3. Give Your Teen Time to Grieve There isn’t a timer on the clock to “get over it.” Grief takes time. Being cut off from someone who played an important role in their life can be crushing. Even if they don’t know the reason for the break up, they still need to grieve in order to move on. By reminding your teen that grief is the way back to happiness, they may not like feeling so down, but they may have a little more perspective around why they feel so bad for so long. As I said before, grief takes time. ### 4. Help Them Understand Understand Why Their Friendship Ended For their own benefit, your teen may want to learn what went wrong. This is fine, just remind your teen that the ex-friend may not be open to discussing what went wrong. If talking to their now “ex” friend isn’t an option, offer to help your child explore what happened. If you can, commit to not judging the situation and then listen to the story. Your outside perspective may help your teen understand more clearly what happened and why. Just remember, it’s speculation. Without the other person’s participation, the reflection and answers you can talk through are only from your point of view. If the other party doesn’t agree to talk things out, it’s best to look at this from the perspective of hindsight and not facts. ### 5. Remember That All Friendships Are A Two-way street. No One Is 100% To Blame It’s easy when you’re hurt to say “it’s all my fault” and this just cannot possibly be true. It takes two to tango in every relationship. So while it’s easy to take all the blame, this often happens for two distinct reasons: you’re used to being told you’re at fault or “the bad one” and this pattern is ingrained in your thinking. Or, two, you’re struggling with your perspective on fairness and justice. Kids with ADHD and other neurodiverse mindsets are often corrected, reprimanded, and talked to about their faults from the time they are very young. When left unchecked, kids can easily fall into the trap of “it’s all my fault” because they have developed an internal belief that they are the ones in trouble all the time. When your teen experiences a friendship breakup, perspective is critical. It may take some time, but it’s important that they get an honest look at what “really” happened and don’t rely too deeply on other people’s stories or opinions. You can help them with this perspective by doing #6 modeling and practicing great self-care. ### 6. Model + Practice Great Self-care When you love yourself, you learn how to honor your imperfections. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. Nurturing yourself when you’re sad and grieving is the most loving way through it. When you show your kids that you take care of your emotional needs by talking things out, feeling your feelings, and giving yourself time/space to heal, you teach them to do the same. ### 7. Take A Social Media Timeout We live in a world of social media and “ghosting,” it’s often hard to know why someone is no longer engaging with you or has stopped replying to your posts. This is particularly true in the teen world. Make the strong suggestion that they take a time out from SnapChat, Insta, TikTok or whatever their social media choice de jour might be. ### 8. And If You Can’t Get Them Off Social Media, Help Them Manage Their Time So They Make Better Choices Schedule events with them, buy tickets to whatever is in town, take them out to eat, to the mall or for a walk, just keep them busy. The idea here is to limit their down time so less time is spent making up stories in their head about what happened and why, and replace that time with new memories with you. You don’t need to fill every hour of the day, just be mindful of large gaps in time where they can fall down the rabbit hole of grief. Those are the times to intervene and get them doing things. ### 9. Try to Pull Them Out Of Their Worry Cycle Ruminating or endless worrying is natural, but rarely helpful. Work with them on the importance of compartmentalizing; allowing 15 minutes a day to worry about the unknown or their big fears and then encourage them to stop. By putting worry on the calendar, you create an opportunity to honor their natural instincts but manage falling down the rabbit hole into obsessive thinking and making up stories in their head. ### 10. Help Them Learn From Their Mistakes Who hasn’t said something hurtful at least once? In order to move forward, do your best to help them look deep inside for the reason(s) they may have contributed to a friendship suddenly ending. Ask open-ended questions like, “How do you think what you said affected what happened?” Life’s lessons rarely come easily, so help them use this experience as part of their maturity and emotional growth. ### 11. Help Them Connect with Others Although they may be sad and grieving, encourage your teen to nurture and reconnect with old friends and to meet new people. Explore what is going on in their world they can get more involved with. For example, maybe they are already on the soccer team, perhaps there’s a volunteer opportunity they can participate in to meet new people? Or if they’re in a club at school, maybe there’s more they can do in that club. Often the easiest way to get your teen doing more with other people starts with activities they already like. This is an easier way to meet like-minded people and potentially make some new friends. ### 12. Remind Your Teen Of Their Strengths & What Makes Them Special Everyone has strengths and things they are good at. Spend a little time reminding your kid of what those strengths are so they feel the praise from someone they love and trust. Here, I suggest starting small and doing it in the moment, when you notice those strengths in action. For example, if your teen is really good at including their siblings in activities, praise that by saying something like, “You know, you’re really good with your sister when she’s stressed out. Thank you for helping her.” Or, “Wow, it’s so impressive how you just did (insert action).” Point out your child’s strengths as a reinforcement that there are great things about their character and personality regardless of what other people may think or say about them. ### 13. Help Your Teen Look at What They Offer Friendships This is a great time to help them make a list of their positive attributes and strengths. They may not want you to see this list, and that is just fine. Guide them to identify how they contribute – positively and negatively – to their current relationships. Which traits should they work more at, and which should they try to temper? ### 14. Help Them Explore How They Want to Be Treated By Future Friends This is an important consideration because new friends will come along. Talk to your teen openly about how they want and deserve to be treated. For example, ask, “How often do you like to talk with your closest friends?” or “How do you want your friends to support you” or “How much time and in what way do you like to hang out with your friends?” Help them look not just at how they want to “be” with their friends, but also how they want to be treated. Do they want friends who call every day, ask how they are, or invite them to do things? These values about friendship are the backbone of how lifelong friends are formed and create the template in their mind for what a mutual friendship looks like. This will help them identify frenemies or friends who are not great in the “best friend” category in the future. ### 15. Finally, If Your Teen Is Upset For Longer Than Seems Reasonable, Consider Coaching Or Therapy. Sometimes what our kids need is an outside voice of support. Be open to the idea that you may be too close to your teen to be objective. Equally as important is to acknowledge that your teen may be resistant to your help. Therapy can help with the deep emotions and grief felt after a friendship breakup and coaching can help them with goals for the future. Both can be very helpful for getting your teenager back on their feet. ## Work With, Not Against, Your Teen Every child – regardless of their age – needs at least one caring adult in their life. When a child believes that someone has their back, that they have someone to lean on and that this person will help them figure out whatever may surface, it builds lifelong resilience. When friendships end it’s devastating. There’s no question that your teen will need time to sort through their feelings and grieve what was lost. You are an important role model in that experience and you can help your teen greatly. The ultimate goal here is acceptance after the grief is felt. Whether your teen did “something” that caused the friendship’s demise or it was totally out of their hands, your role is to help them let go of the negativity to make room for better experiences. ### And what do you do if their [frenemy comes back](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/should-i-ban-my-teen-from-seeing-bad-friends/) into their life? You have to address that as it happens but be mindful of your child’s need for re-connection and how they perceive their role in the friendship breakup. Just remember to try and have room for your child to make their own decision about their friends. Even when you see that a person in their life is toxic, it’s your role as a safe sounding board that will encourage your child to seek and ask your advice or avoid your advice altogether. There’s nothing in the parenting playbook that says raising kids is easy. This is the hard stuff for sure. Just remember, your child will look to you for guidance and a safe space to express whatever is going on for them emotionally. By teaming up with your kid, their heartbreak and worries will fade in the healthiest way possible. #### Related Reading: [How to Help a Shy Kid Make Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-shy-children-make-friends/) [How to Help Your Teen Make Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-a-teen-who-has-few-to-no-friends-now-that-school-is-in-full-swing/) #### Sources: Cosslett, Rhiannon Lucy. (2018, April 21). [“It Feels Like Having a Limb Cut Off”: The Pain of Friendship Breakups. ](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/apr/21/like-having-limb-cut-off-pain-friendship-breakups)*The Guardian.* Retrieved December 22, 2018. Holloway, Sadie. (2016, December 5). [Coping With Disappointment When a Friendship Ends.](https://pairedlife.com/friendship/Pain-and-Disappointment-When-a-Friendship-Ends) PairedLife. Retrieved December 22, 2018. Levine, Irene S., Ph.D. (2009). *Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend.* New York: Overlook Press. Pryor, Liz. (2006). *What Did I Do Wrong? When Women Don’t Tell Each Other the Friendship Is Over.* New York: Free Press. Thompson, Michael., PHD., O’Neil, Catherine., PH.D. (2001). Best Friends, Worst Enemies,  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting **Tags:** friends, social skills --- ### [Managing Your Love/Hate Relationship With Your ADHD Child](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-3-managing-your-lovehate-relationship-with-your-adhd-child/) **Published:** March 24, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Kids with ADHD can be tough. You love them with all your heart and yet, your child seems out of touch at times. They don’t operate with urgency to get important tasks done and when they do get into action, it’s messy, or sloppy, or disorganized, or challenging. Arguing is super common or they cocoon and seem to ignore other people. Maybe they want to debate things that are not up for debate, or check-out of doing important tasks altogether. All of this leaves you feeling exhausted, frustrated, and on a roller coaster of emotions all day long. The truth is, it’s exhausting. So while children with ADHD are smart, funny, gifted and innovative, they also struggle with executive function skills, sometimes immaturity and inconsistency. As a parent, you’re often caught in the middle, trying to balance your own feelings about their behavior while also trying to help your child have less conflict in their life. You love your child, but your relationship is strained because of the frustration of it all, and it’s bringing you down. I get it. I know this world and there is a double-edged sword as a parent. ## Here’s some thoughts that may help you make some sense (and find a little relief) in it all. ## Develop A “They Would If They Could” Attitude While there are times when a child may be stubborn or selfish, neuroscience and a [growing body of behavioral literature](https://www.brownadhdclinic.com/_files/ugd/5180ef_b6568fd989ac4166aa9477d6dac3b2d2.pdf) hold that often it is a lack of skills—specifically the brain-based “executive function” skills that hold him back. It’s not willfulness or laziness. Executive function is the brain’s hub of skills that includes memory, organization, planning, self-regulation and the ability to modify behavior in response to others. When these skills lag, for whatever reason, the timeworn advice about pushing through or “trying harder to make it happen” doesn’t do the trick. #### Unfortunately, blaming and shaming like this only make matters worse. As a parent and coach, I can tell you that most children I have met do not willfully self-sabotage. Failing at a task and disappointing their parents is hard on children. And we all basically know this. Children want to succeed; every child wants to “grow up” and develop the mastery to be a capable human being. To do that, kids must learn to work with their own unique brain. They have to learn what works for them and how their brain functions. This is how they become capable adults with executive function skills so they can lead successful and productive lives. The idea that a child ***“would if he could”*** is an important distinction because it becomes a lens through which to look at your child and reframe your understanding of them in any given moment. If you start from the perspective of “they would if they could” you are framing your criticism, fear and wishes through the practical lens of what is possible now, instead of through the lens of wishful thinking or shame. This pivot in a parent’s attitude creates space for forgiveness, grace and honoring what is real for your child. With that in mind, you have greater capacity to help your child and often, gain the benefit of patience and humility in the process. ## Manage Your Own Fear & Worry As A Parent When you see your child struggle, it’s easy to get caught up in your own inner negative self-talk, and that can be scary. Before falling down the rabbit hole of fatalistic thinking, ask yourself what is real? What are you really afraid of? Ask yourself what your expectations are for your child and what’s reasonable given what you know about their ADHD, skills, history, and current path. Is your child getting help to learn how to manage their unique brain? How is your child [managing with their friend](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-a-teen-who-has-few-to-no-friends-now-that-school-is-in-full-swing/)s and social interactions? When was the last time you explored with an open heart what you’re really worried about? This is important so you don’t let your fear of the future write the story. By getting in touch with your anxiety and what your child’s behavior brings up for you, you can create a more realistic outlook on the future. ## Focus On The Bigger Picture, Not Just The Frustration Of The Day We all want our children to grow up to be confident and comfortable in their own skin. And to be able to have key life skills like problem solving, making good choices and self-advocacy so they can stand on their own two feet. Our job as parents is to prepare them for the world, not just for academic life. Your kids don’t have your perspective on life and it’s easy to lose heart if a struggle is hard and seems never-ending. Spend some time focusing on the bigger qualities that make up a “good human being” instead of only focusing on the smaller details like grades or an argument. By showing your child that you believe in them, and feel confident that they have the character to tackle the challenges in front of them, you instill a deeper sense of confidence in them. This confidence is one of the critical ingredients in self-esteem and is vital to helping your child grow into a healthy adult, capable of navigating life. The big truth is that *everyone is working on something.* You might share a story about something that was hard for you and how you worked on it. This is important because your child must understand that sometimes life is hard. When your child sees themself in you, there’s a camaraderie built that can last a lifetime. ## Celebrate Their Strengths It’s true, your child may have 49 missing homework assignments, but he also may be the first to shovel snow for neighbors or play with his cousins at a family party. As a parent, it’s important to recognize the qualities of character and efforts your child makes in specific moments, not just point out their failures or weaknesses. So whether they are big or small, when your child does something wonderful like showing empathy for someone else, steps outside of his comfort zone with a new experience, or rebounds from a failure and tries again, you should celebrate these wins. By developing a habit of noticing and acknowledging these moments, you instill a pattern of recognizing the good in their life. And this is very important for kids with ADHD who are used to being reminded of their flaws. Change does not always happen quickly. But, when you create an atmosphere where you celebrate all the positive moments (not just the A’s on a test), you are reinforcing what is good and that is motivating. We all love to hear when we do something well, and when you make a habit of acknowledging your child, they will instinctively feel motivated to keep doing things that gain this kind of recognition and support. ## Finally, Shift Your Communication From Telling To Asking Talk with your child about their experience of what’s going on. When you sit down to talk, remember to show genuine curiosity and respect, as your child is the true expert on their feelings and experience. You can say, *“It feels like you are working hard and this is not easy for you.”* Or *“*What makes that hard for you?” Ask your child,*“how much effort do you have to put into something you’re good at or something that comes easily to you?”* Versus, *“how much effort it takes to do something hard that they’re not good at?”* A challenge they enjoy may take a lot of work—it may be “hard”—but their experience of that effort may be different and therefore worth it in their mind. And they may look very differently at a challenge they like versus one they dislike. Encourage them to discuss why this might be and remind them that everyone has areas where they just struggle and have to work harder—as well as managing the feelings that come with it. By taking the time and showing your genuine interest in your child’s experience, you give them a chance to practice connecting their inner feelings with their outer behavior. This kind of dialogue helps your child express what it’s like in their brain (and in their heart) when they have an experience of working hard for a goal. By clarifying what it took to reach their goal, you’re creating a kind-of template or awareness around what skills need to be practiced to do well at something they like OR dislike. ## Will I Ever Get Out Of This Constant Battle? I wish I had a magic answer for you here. The truth is that every parent of an ADHD child can understand the love/hate relationship struggle. You’ve talked, you’ve lectured, you’ve raised your voice, you’ve even sat down over their favorite ice cream and tried to reason things out, all to have the proverbial door slammed in your face. And every parent of an ADHD kid has struggled with this kind of baffling behavior, where one moment your plans work out, and the next, your child seems unwilling or incapable of doing the “right thing” again. Being honest (and a bit vulnerable) it can be embarrassing to watch as your child is rude to others, ignores the rules or gets in trouble with coaches and teachers again and again. We all have stories describing how our child has been less than kind to others, but how do you stop it? If your child’s behavior has you resenting or even disliking her, you can spend a lot of time trying to figure out whether she is behaving willfully, or whether she honestly can’t do any better and needs help. Trying to diagnose “*can’t” versus “won’t”* only leaves you stuck in a constant cycle or doubt. ## Fixing These Challenges Requires Exploring What Lies Beneath That Still Needs To Be Addressed ADHD behaviors are like an iceberg. There are the parts of the behavior we see and then there are the brain-based skills and executive functions that lie below the surface of the water. These functions you cannot see and they are what’s driving your child’s behaviors and emotions. Executive functions are the management system of the brain. The underlying brain-based processes that control attention, self-management, self-regulation, self- awareness, controlling emotions and organization and planning. **It looks like this:** Behavior for a child with ADHD is like this iceberg. It’s the unseen portion that drives the child’s behavior. To help your child, you will have to go to those deeper dimensions—the heart of your child’s experience —to be able to develop the skills that foster change and growth. The key to move forward is to come to understand that if your child could do better, he would do better. Assuming your child is not trying to annoy you or embarrass you but that he is struggling and does not have the skills to meet your expectations. Now should you just sit back and excuse the behavior? Certainly not! As a parent you want to recognize your child’s strengths and you want to recognize the skills they still need to work on/develop. Just like learning to swim, throw a ball or manage a homework assignment, all children need coaching and guidance before they can manage this on their own. In this case, your child may not read ordinary social cues or respond appropriately to their peers. Challenges like this are both frustrating and an opportunity to learn the practical problem-solving skills needed to adapt, engage, learn, and thrive as a social being. ## Think of Your Child as a Glass Half Full It’s easy to lose sight of your child’s strengths when you’re preoccupied and angered or saddened by their weaknesses. When you learn how to shift your focus and identify your child’s strengths, interests, and brain-based processing style, it’s a game changer. Children who tend to dominate conversations can learn to be able to slow down, become curious about others and consider their feelings at the same time.Children who don’t have friends and isolate can learn how to break out of their cocoons and learn to make a new friend. The great news is that you’re aware of your feelings as a parent of an ADHD kid and it’s hard. Acknowledging that it’s a journey, and that your child isn’t doing any of these behaviors on purpose or to annoy you can help. As I said, if they could do better they would. The ups and downs are part of your experience and you can grow to be in this relationship with your child in a way that they learn to trust that you not only see their struggles, but also see their wins. You are your child’s greatest champion and you alone have the ability to plant the seed of confidence, self-esteem and self-advocacy. If I can help you along the way, [please don’t hesitate to reach out](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/contact/). Updated 3/24/23  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, Parenting **Tags:** parenting --- ### [10 Ways to Navigate Social Challenges with a High School Teen with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-ways-to-navigate-social-challenges-with-a-high-school-teen-with-adhd/) **Published:** August 31, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** High school is a fast-paced, shifting social landscape where old friends can drift away and social status takes on greater importance. This is also the time when many kids shift their primary friendship focus away from their family and spend most of their hours with their core group of friends. For kids who have trouble making friends or who end up in messy friendship situations, talking about these challenges with your kid can be a minefield. ADHD isn’t necessarily the reason why they have friendship challenges, but kids with ADHD have different ways of being in the world. I have helped lots of parents learn how to make subtle changes in their communication style that reduce the stress of helping your ADHD kid with making friends. The truth is, you need a way to talk to your kid even when they’re in their teenage years. ## **Here are 10 ways to help you navigate social challenge with your ADHD child** 1. **Don’t assume you understand the reasons why your teen is struggling** – By withholding judgment, you open the lines of communication and create an atmosphere of safety and trust, which also allows them to evaluate their own thoughts and values. By starting each conversation with the mindset of being curious rather than the authority, you create the opportunity for your child to teach you about their experience.This powerful shift will help your child feel supported and trusted by you in immeasurable ways. You’re literally saying to your child, “I trust that you know yourself better than anyone ever could.” 2. **Look at their perspective** – Many teens feel misunderstood by the world around them. This can be particularly true for kids with ADHD and other neurodiverse mindsets. By stepping into your teen’s shoes and hearing their perspective, you can get better insight into what matters to them and why. Then, when your teen harps on a topic, hounds you, or vehemently objects against something, you have a better understanding of their perspective. 3. **Keep conversations short** – Conversations don’t need to be interrogations or monologues. And it’s important to not just talk about things that are negative. By engaging in lighter conversations, your teen will engage more easily and more often. 4. **Ask, don’t tell** – When you’re unsure about what is causing your teen’s reaction, ask them questions like, “Why is that so important to you?” or “Why do you feel this way?” so you hear their perspective firsthand. The cardinal rule is to not assume, but to ask instead. 5. **Encourage your teen to take a step** – If making new friends or deepening relationships is the goal, the easiest path is a shared interest or activity. Brainstorm with your teen what they are interested in and where they can meet others. Support their interests with encouragement and coordinate the logistics with them. That makes participation simpler for everyone. 6. **Coach social rules** – Often kids with ADHD struggle to understand “social norms” and how to participate with friends or in groups without stress. One easy way to coach your teen is with “Social Spy.” This activity teaches kids how to discreetly observe an individual, group or situation BEFORE getting involved. As a Social Spy, kids observe the mood, tone, energy, of the group/friends so they have a sense of how others interact and what social behaviors are common. You can [read more about Social Spy here](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-social-spy-is-the-lie-to-me-for-the-next-generation/). 7. **Coach reading the whole person** – Help your teen to understand that we’re complex and can act differently in different situations. Using the Social Spy model, have your teen notice how someone acts, what they’re interested in and how they communicate non-verbally. As an observer of people, what do they see? Is the person a people pleaser? Are they introverted or do they love the spotlight? What do they say and don’t say in different settings? This practice of making inferences can lead to conversations with your teen about how to adapt their communication style to connect with someone as a friend on a deeper, more connected level. 8. **Coach conflict resolution** – Conflict is a regular part of life and it certainly happens in friendship. It’s important that your teen has some skills to navigate when things don’t go as smoothly as we would like. It’s easy to let emotions take over when conflicts come up. Teaching kids to recognize how to cool off, take a time out, and how to know what’s going on internally so they don’t misread things like “being hungry” with frustration all support reducing emotions before conflicts grow from smoldering embers to outright fires. 9. **Demonstrate perspective taking** – Your teen’s brain typically focuses on their own perspective so it’s important to model stepping into another person’s shoes. This supports positive friendship skills around compromise, compassion and empathy. 10. **Help them see what they offer** – Encourage your teen to be in touch with their positive attributes and strengths. Which traits should they express more? What makes your teenager special and unique in the world? By acknowledging their strengths, they will feel greater confidence which goes a long way to helping them find their place in the high school social scene. Remember that the goal with high school friends isn’t to be the most popular kid or to have dozens of friends. Research supports that most people have [3-5 great friends](https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-many-friends-do-you-need) in their lifetime and that your [closest friends contribute greatly to your self-esteem](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/09/relationships-self-esteem). ADHD may have impacted your teen’s ability to make friends in the past, but high school is an exceptional opportunity to reinvent yourself. Help your teen overcome their social challenges around making (and keeping) friends with these 10 skills. If I can help you further, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [Does Your Kid Routinely Say The Wrong Thing At The Wrong Time?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/does-your-kid-routinely-say-the-wrong-thing-at-the-wrong-time/) **Published:** September 13, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** *As a parent, here’s how you can help your child without being the helicopter or super-judgy Mom or Dad* Did your child or teenager just say something that made you cringe? *Like you can’t believe they just said that!* Is your kid routinely too loud or too blunt? Do they regularly say things that hurt people’s feelings? Does your kid seem oblivious to how other people react to them? *Like they don’t even notice when people pull away because of their tone, volume or level of speech?* ## How can your kid miss all of the signs??? Perhaps even harder to deal with, has your kid developed a mindset of “I speak my truth” or “I tell it like it is” despite your caution against **always** saying everything they think inside? You know your child has a good heart. Even when they are in the middle of these conflicts, you know they are coming from a good place. But, you worry that if they tell their classmates everything they think, it’s going to be a disaster. Is it really necessary to point out to their classmate that their project “ has no value”? How many letters home from their teachers should one parent get for “rude behavior”? Do they need to be the center of attention by commenting on everything being discussed? Kids and teenagers with ADHD often don’t read the room. They struggle to self-regulate and self-monitor their behavior. In other words, sometimes, they can be filterless. And telling your child to think before they speak does nothing to solve the problem. That’s because solving this is not that simple. If your kid could change this they would. The truth is, they need your wise counsel and support to make it stick. ## Where to Start If your goal is to help your child fit in better with their peers, teachers and the rest of the world, it’s important to both see the world through their eyes, while also offering helpful advice. Nagging and becoming angry that your child has said the wrong thing at the wrong time won’t fix the problem. Kids need concrete solutions; tips they can practice and learn overtime to apply to their lives. They also need your patience and support as they try new solutions on a brain that really just wants to say what they think without the social filter. Belonging is a critical need we all have. That’s not to say that anyone really needs a circle of 100 friends. But, two or three people in your life that really like and appreciate you for who you are does help kids develop confidence and self-esteem. That is true for adults too! You can help your child with belonging and knowing how to say the right things at the right time by practicing the following 5 tips. ## Here are 5 Ways to Help Your Child Stop Saying the Wrong Things At the Wrong Time **\#1: Instead of being angry that your child *once again* said the wrong thing at the wrong time, practice “stepping into someone else’s shoes.”** As tempting as punishment can be for “missteps,” berating and getting angry does not help your child learn how to “be better” in anything in life. Getting better requires practice, positive reinforcement and time. Kids need to learn the distinction between their “inside” thoughts and their “outside” speech. We all have thoughts that we choose not to say. And of course, that’s fine. But what your child speaks aloud impacts others around them. **Walking in another person’s shoes is like trying on their feelings for a moment.** How would it be to hear someone talk to you the way your child did? What emotions come up hearing the words your child used and is that what your child intended to bring up? Talking about this can be hard and embarrassing for kids, especially if in their hearts they never meant to be mean or rude. It’s not meant to be shaming, but it is meant to help them experience what it feels like on the other side of their words. My suggestion is to find an opportunity for your whole family to work on this. We all get this wrong from time-to-time. Practice when you are together so you can mirror how words land when they are said, and how it feels to hear such things. You can practice with role-playing (in-person or even in emails) so it’s not a “real” situation but more of a mock-experience. This artificial environment prepares kids for the real world and it’s invaluable overtime to learn the difference between when a filter is helpful and when they really need to speak up and say the whole truth to someone. **\#2 Teach your kid to become aware of their feelings when they say too much** It’s true for us all that when we’re flooded with sensory information, lights feel brighter, sounds are louder and crowds seem to close in on us. Sensory bombardment and overwhelm can make situations feel draining and anxiety-provoking. Do you notice this in your own child? It’s common for kids (and adults) to say too much when they are in sensitive situations that they care deeply about. The skill here is to help your child start to identify their feelings when they are “about to” say too much. Bring to mind a time or two when they know they said the wrong thing, and have them go back in time to what tipped them over the edge. **Was it the:** - environment - people - sensory experience - crowds - topic of conversation - what happened earlier that day - triggers from the past Help them learn to do some self-diagnosis. What were they feeling? What was going on around them? **Then, explore the statement:** *When I* .. (insert experience) *then I* … (tend to do)… **\#3 Work on Self-Regulation** Life can be quite complex. Imagine your teen at school for a second. They might be simmering in their own emotions, while bombarded by other people talking, and squinting because of the sunshine, while also struggling to find the keys (that happen to be in their hand) all while walking into a social situation with friends that they care about. [The science here](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Reg-Child-Stress-Successfully-Engage/dp/1594206090/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=) is that when your child is activated by stress, the arousal levels in their body and brain rise like they’re on an elevator in a high rise. It happens the same for kids as adults, so you likely experience this as well. When your levels are up, your ability to “self-regulate” or control your emotions is challenged.To manage the stress of this, you want to be able to “self-regulate.” This is a skill that can be learned and it is how you bring your arousal levels down so you can return to an internal homeostasis or feeling of being calm, grounded and in control. ### **Here’s how it can be achieved:** - Take 5 minutes to become more centered, by engaging in a guided meditation or deep breathing - Expel some of your energy by doing a short burst of exercise – jumping jacks, running up stairs or doing push ups for 15-minutes will calm your mind down - Take a walk outside or in the woods to experience a different canvas for your senses - Inhale a scent that calms you, breathing deeply and slowly until you reach a calmer state - Engage in Havening which can be CPR for the amygdala. Havening uses electromagnetic waves in the brain by using palm havening = rubbing your palms together, face Havening rubbing the face and arm havening self- soothing by rubbing the motion – the delta waves in the brain signal the amygdala that there is no threat and reduce anxiety and stress. **Here’s a little video to learn more about Havening:** ### \#4 Learn How to Be a Social Spy Social Spy is an activity your kid (or you) can do anytime you enter a social situation and realize you are not sure what to do or say next. Social Spy is one of my absolute go-tos when someone needs to learn how to manage their social behavior but they’re not sure how to do it. **It looks like this:** Scan the situation and watch people’s body language, facial expressions and social cues. If you struggle to manage conversation and spy, then zoom-in on their face and then zoom-out on the room conversation and the bigger picture. Finally, listen and observe what they talk about with others, what they read, what clubs they are members of and what sports they play. Social Spy is proactive. Instead of repairing after saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, you observe BEFORE acting. That reduces the need to deal with an awkward situation later on. ### \#5 Know Your Audience Finally, remind your child that they can pause before doing anything. New situations are hard to interpret. Knowing what to say, or not say is a skill we all take time to learn. Unless you consider the situation and what the situation requires, it’s easy to respond incorrectly. Before acting, take your lead from observations you have made in Social Spy. For example: - Do they like to joke around? - Are there topics they prefer not to talk about? - Are they a small group or do they include lots of people? When you know your audience, you have the greatest chance of reading the situation correctly. Then, you can adjust what you want to say to the situation, the people who are there, your relationship with them and your comfort level with them. **Try using Social Spy in your life. And watch my Ted Talk on Social Spy for quick hacks.** Teaching your child to monitor their inner world before stepping into a sticky situation is a goal we all have. Each of these skills can be worked on whether your kid is 6 or 16. They are life skills that will help in social settings from school, to a job interview to meeting their new in-laws. Being a parent is not easy, I know. But, helping your child learn how they can change their behavior when they are in the habit of routinely saying the wrong thing at the wrong time will benefit them throughout their life. Please reach out to me if you have any questions or comments about these tips. I’m happy to help.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting --- ### [How To Feel More Confident Around Your Co-workers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/feel-more-confident-around-coworkers/) **Published:** September 21, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Everyone wants to be confident. To be able to sashay into work, or a classroom, or your kid’s PTA meeting with a smile on your face and your head held high is one of the most coveted qualities on the planet. Why? Because confidence feels good. It feels powerful and it feels independent. When you’re confident you can stand on your own two feet and trust yourself. You know how to handle the good and the bad AND you know how to manage your little foibles, missteps or mistakes. Confidence feels like the exact opposite of anxious, or left out, or misunderstood. But the truth is that many of us struggle to feel confident. It’s elusive. It’s not a skill that we were born with, confidence is a learned skill. As an adult, this is especially important to remember if your pattern with friends over your lifetime has included feeling uncertain about yourself. So the good news is that confidence can be learned. The perhaps not-so-great-news is that you have to learn it. ## I know it’s hard to see people around you looking and acting confident when inside you feel insecure and unsure. But that’s the launchpad for growing confidence. You have to feel confident enough to believe something can change. So whether you need to meet your coworkers for coffee, at a big meeting or when offering an important presentation, learning how to feel confident is a life skill that will carry through your life once you learn it. The good news is that there’s one quick skill you can start to practice right now that keeps you motivated as you work on transforming your inner sense of self from lacking confidence to fully confident. And that skill is “reading the room.” ### Learning to read the room will give you a process to meet any social situation. Reading the room helps you feel you can count on your own judgment of a situation which builds confidence. Reading the room teaches you to take time (even a breath) before acting so you’re not ***reacting*** but **acting**. Reading the room empowers you to observe those around you to take in the social norms before making a messy social judgment or saying the wrong thing. And, reading the room is putting your own needs first which is a very important step in building confidence. You have to learn what you need in order to feel confident. ### So here’s the truth, no one reads the situation 100% of the time. Feeling you have to be vigilant all the time is hard and draining. The goal is to read the room so you can make a choice, determine what the social dynamics are so you can decide how you want to respond. ## What is Reading the Room? When you read the room, you scan the room to understand the people, the situation, who is there and what are they doing. In any situation, there are nonverbal cues that tell you how people are feeling, what they might be thinking, their level of energy, and the context of the situation. Like so many situations in life, the people involved determine the context and mood of that event. Gestures, glances, and facial expressions all communicate nonverbally what people are thinking and feeling. Being able to pick up on the subtle dynamics, vibe or mood in a situation can feel daunting but it is the path to growing your confidence for how you want to respond or interact so that when you do, you’re coming from a place of deeper assuredness that you know how your behavior will be received. The skill of reading the room builds over time. Each time you work on these skills, you will find they grow and that they’re easier to do. ## Why Reading the Room Builds Confidence If you have ever been told by someone that you need to “read the room” better, I’m with you. This is a common way of giving feedback that really means “you made a social faux pas” or “you made an error in judgment” with how you interacted with others. Feeling baffled by the people and situations around you and/or feeling overwhelmed by having to interact with others is not uncommon for people with neurodiversity. A history of rejection and social blunders can leave you feeling like you’re “not very good” at social situations, making friends or even being part of a group. But, if being social is a part of your work or your goals, practicing confidence-building activities like reading the room will help. This is a game plan for how to approach social interactions with more thought and less impulsivity. It’s especially helpful if your natural style is to “see what’s happening” only to wish later that you had more of a plan. ### Confidence comes from knowing things can work out for you. It’s trusting in your abilities to successfully navigate whatever social setting you’re in and believing in your skills to interact well with others. The tools to read the room can help you become more confident in your ability to enter any situation and figure people out. Over time each little win, each time you find your observations are correct, each time you feel successful helps to make you feel more confident. [More on Reading the Room](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-read-room-feeling-socially-awkward) ## How to Successfully Read the Room Reading the room is all about observing the people around you. Everything we learn about other people we learn from observing. So reading the room is observing what’s going on around you before you act. There are several elements involved in reading the room. Below are details on all of them ## \#1 Start Reading The Room As A Social Spy Social Spy is my way of teaching people how to observe their surroundings with a little more stealth and ease. Think of Social Spy as a “curious observer;” someone who wants to find out more about the people and the situation they’re walking into. Spying is quietly observing in a subtle way without staring, hovering or leering. It’s people watching without being obvious. You can drop into Social Spy at any time in an interaction with people. All it takes is a breath to slow down and observe. It starts by watching big group muscles as you observe the whole scene. Once you have the big picture, you can then zoom in to observe details from one person to the next. As a Social Spy reading the room, you may notice the nonverbal cues being displayed as people talk to each other. You may observe the facial expressions or body language of the people in conversation. You may hear language or word choices in conversation. You may notice things NOT being talked about or things that are “left out.” Social Spy is something anyone can learn – at any age. It’s particularly helpful if you have doubts about what to say or your role in conversation. When in doubt, spy. You spy to find out the things you need to know about people, the things people don’t tell you, the things you are wondering about. ## \#2 Scan & Observe Take 2 beats to scan the room. This is people-watching in fast motion. Nobody’s looking at you while you scan the room. So take the 2 beats, and get the information you need – who’s there, what are people doing? Do a sweep with your eyes of the whole situation. Think of a lifeguard in the tower at the beach- they scan clockwise sweeping their gaze across the room looking at 12 o’clock, one o’clock etc. Each time you scan you can notice more. Design your own spy mission. Think of the information you want to know and then spy to get the details/information you need. As you spy, you won’t be lingering, staring or making your scan obvious. This is meant to be a glance to gather information. ## \#3 Notice the People – Who is There? People are the trigger, the reward and the punishment around social faux pas. Building confidence happens when you successfully interact with your co-workers or peers in the way that you most want to. Take 2 beats…To do a good job at this, you have to know who is in the social situation you’re observing. ### Ask yourself some questions as you scan: - Who is there? - Do you know them? - What do you know about them? - What is your history with them? - What is your relationship to them, are they your boss, colleague, higher-up, stranger? - How are other people acting? - What is the pace of the people talking at? - What are people talking about? Every time people come in or out of a situation they affect the dynamic of the gathering. If the people change, the situation changes. For instance, when your boss enters the break room, chances are your conversation with a co-worker changes. When your friend of a different political persuasion enters the room, you may change your topic to avoid conflict. When someone you don’t get along with enters the conversation, you may choose to downshift your engagement. **Bottom line:** People affect the environment. ## \#4 Identify Their Actions – What Are They Doing? Once you notice who is there then, again take two beats to scan and notice what people are doing and what actions are they involved in. ### Ask yourself some questions as you scan: - What is their energy like? - Are they talking loudly or quietly? - Are they adding to a conversation or looking down at their phone? - Are they greeting other people? - Do they smile at you? - Are they sitting or standing? - What activity are people engaged in? Actions tell us what people are feeling and how to respond to them. For instance, if someone looks at their watch for a second time, they might be pressed for time and ready to end the conversation. Or if someone is packing up their bag with the lights off, they may be ready to leave the office for the day. Both are not the best time to strike up a conversation. ## \#5 Check Out the Environment – Where Are You & What Does That Convey to You? After you check out the people and their actions, notice the environment. Each environment has its own set of expectations. If you’re unsure, you may want to spy again. Take 2 beats and scan to find out where you are and what the environment tells you about the expectations, situation and context. ### Ask yourself some questions as you scan. - What is the situation or context? - Where are you? - What is going on there? - Is it a formal or informal location? - Do they ask questions in the meeting? - Are there certain social expectations? - Are the chairs comfortable and inviting? Or the opposite? - What are the social rules based on that environment? - What kind of physical movement is expected in this environment? The context you want to explore includes the situation, environment, mood, circumstances, and what has been going on for the people involved. To understand how people are feeling you spy on the people. To understand the context or mood you spy on how people are acting and what they seem to be feeling. Then, if you can detect how someone is feeling, then you will feel more confident responding to them. Ask yourself: what do they want? What do they NOT want? ## \#6 Tune into Social Cues, Facial Expressions, Body Language & Nonverbal Signals To tune into someone’s nonverbal or social cues, take 2 beats and scan their face to notice their expression and pick up on signals offered. Do this two times. The first time you want to scan by their face and then on the second pass, zoom in on the person’s face. Then, zoom out and look at the person’s whole body. I call this zoom in and zoom out. ### Ask yourself some questions as you scan. - What do I notice about their facial expression? - What do I see in their gestures? - What emotions do you notice? - What do you see on people’s faces? - What gestures are people using? - What do these gestures tell you about their mood? Once you feel confident that you have observed the situation you’ve walked onto and successfully read the room, then you can engage. ## Noticing social cues is hard for me– I miss stuff- I can’t do this Reading social cues and nonverbal communication can be hard for many people. Learning to notice social cues and body language is not something that happens overnight. It takes practice which is very helpful for building confidence. If feeling confident around your coworkers was easy, I believe you would have done it by now. I know the awkwardness and isolation of feeling uncomfortable with your peers is deeply motivating. So the truth is, this takes practice. ## Here’s my advice… ### Practice Take a field trip and people watch. Pick an activity or event and at that location that’s easy for you and practice reading the room. Pick one aspect of reading the room to work on to start. Or, you can pick one thing you really want to find out, uncover or you need to know. Then reflect on what you learned by journaling, chatting about it or even verbalizing the discoveries to yourself! Rather than expecting perfection, let go of that expectation and realize that you are in the learning and practice zone. Everything you learn helps you grow personally and builds confidence. Celebrate every win. This is a journey and each time you practice you will gain more knowledge. We can work on this together and I will be here to help you through this. ***Since a picture is worth 1000 words- follow me on Instagram for videos of these steps in action @authorcarolinem .***  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ### [How to Help a Teen Who Has Few (To No Friends) Now That School is in Full Swing - Updated 2023](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-a-teen-who-has-few-to-no-friends-now-that-school-is-in-full-swing/) **Published:** October 1, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You thought things might be different this year and you hoped your teenager’s friendship would get better. Your teen has struggled with friendships over the years, but now the social isolation seems even worse. You watch him sulk around the house because there’s no one to hang out with, confide in, share secrets with, or laugh with. Watching your teen on the periphery, trailing behind other kids during social gatherings can be utterly heartbreaking. Friendships are critical to a person’s mental health. In addition to companionship and entertainment, healthy friendships are the foundation for building independence. If you see your teen struggling to make friends or getting rejected by other kids, don’t hang back. There’s a lot you can do to help your teen build and practice the skills to make one or two really close friends. And that’s all anybody really needs. ## **How To Help Your Teen Make Friends At School** For teenagers with ADHD and [executive function weakness](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-with-executive-function-weakness-engage-socially/), making friends might not be easy or intuitive. Many people mistakenly think that making friends should be easy but for many teens (and adults too) it’s just not that simple. Your teen needs a road map. And that’s where you can help. Making friends comes from having shared experiences with other teens who share their interest and who they can relate to. Proximity has also been shown to help people make friends. Thinking about being brought together over and over at drama or track practice. This shared experience allows teens to bond, feel each other out, learn about each other all of which is the doorway to friendship. This is true even when it happens virtually. In 2000, Deb Levine\* found that being at the same place at the same time helps build friendship. Simply being around people on a regular basis increases your odds of making new friends. It’s also true that with more exposure to people, your teen will learn what to expect from those people. Friendships happen more easily when people are both comfortable and confident. Being around someone on a regular basis increases both. Your teen is more likely to take a risk and talk with someone they have been in an easy situation with vs talking to a total stranger. So the real key that matters most is participation. Participating in activities means that your teen is exposed over and over again to sharing experiences with potential friends. It’s not a guarantee, but without participation it’s harder for teens to make friends. Some teens resist participating because it’s not easy for them. But as parents it’s worth encouraging your child to find activities they enjoy and supporting their efforts to join in so friendships can blossom. ## **How Teens Make Friends** Teenagers move in groups. Developmentally, the goal of this time in their lives is to become independent. Part of this independence comes from teens orchestrating and handling relationships on their own. They don’t want Mom or Dad “as” involved as before. That is, until it comes to conflicts. Many teens simply haven’t grown the skills to handle conflict, problem solve with friends or to manage tough communication. And that’s where you want to be on the lookout to offer support once it’s asked for. Because teen friendship is organized on social media and texting, parents are inherently left out of the communication. Unlike elementary school, you won’t see the challenge brewing. Instead, your teen will just be left off text chains or not invited to social gatherings and as a parent, you won’t likely see this happening until it’s a problem. So when your kid brings these issues to you, know that you’re stepping in mid-conversation. There’s a lot to listen to before you really have the full story. And, it’s also important to know that tech is part of the social landscape for teens. That means making friends requires getting on the text chains or social media accounts so your teen can [socialize and interact with others](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-essential-guide-to-transitioning-back-to-social-interactions-post-covid/). Encouraging participation is important if you see that your teen has few to no friends or if they are struggling to find something they enjoy participating in. For teens with weak executive function responding and keeping up with friends takes a lot of organization and may not be easy for them. They may need routines, support and reminders. None of this is easy, I know. But, this is the shifting landscape of teenage years to early adulthood. Being patient as you watch your teen navigate friendships is a hard pill for many parents to swallow, but it’s necessary. ## **Is my teen’s resistance to making friends a behavioral change?** Around puberty, [some kids](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-social-development-fell-behind-last-year-and-7-ways-to-help-your-kid-catch-up-with-their-peers/) develop social anxiety and start to worry a lot about what other people think of them. Kids with social anxiety will often avoid socializing when they are worried about embarrassing themselves or feel a strong need to be perfect and not make mistakes. A teen that is isolating from their peers is different from one who is being bullied. With a rising number of young adults being diagnosed with mental health disorders, it is vital that parents are aware of the warning signs of mental health issues as their children mature. If your teen’s isolation and withdrawal from friends and social activities is a sudden change in behavior, it may be a sign of depression or anxiety. If you are concerned, seek out an evaluation by a mental health professional. Social skills building will not work if the mental health concerns are not treated first. If there’s no evidence of bullying or an emotional disorder, the following are ways you can help. ## **Here are 9 Ways to Help Your Teen When they Have Few or No Friends To Turn Things Around** Learning how to form successful peer relationships is a critical skill that we all use – and — and refine — all our lives. Not everyone can be the leader, and many kids are hesitant in [social situation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/fight-flight-freeze-rejection-in-social-situations/)s. There are several social skills everyone needs to succeed in life and to manage school, friends, projects and eventually the workplace. For instance, many kids adapt more easily to a social situation by first scanning the environment and then adjusting their behavior to meet the needs of the situation. ### **\#1 Don’t jump in and “fix it”** Avoid the temptation to jump in and “fix” things, which sends the message that you are questioning your teen’s competency. Gently gaining your child’s trust is the best way to begin a conversation about a painful subject. ### **\#2 Open up communication** Teens are notoriously difficult to converse with, but do your best to understand their social landscape. No matter what your teen says, empathize and try to stay calm. For instance, your teen may say, “This girl says cruel stuff to me in front of others, and no one stands up for me.” Listen to the full story and then summarize and repeat back what you heard. Allow your teen to interpret your summary, and then share more and clarify their thoughts. By trying to understand your teen’s perspective, you invite them to be comfortable opening up to you. One of the most important jobs of parenthood is to offer support. Let your teen know they can always talk to you about their concerns and that you want to be a source of comfort and encouragement in their life. Having a strong foundation of love and support at home can give your child the courage they might need to talk to a new classmate or start playing a new sport after school. ### **\#3 Identify the root cause** In order to truly help address [your teen’s loneliness](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/lonely-teen/), you must first determine what social skills are holding them back. Be sure to check your own biases before encouraging your teen to become more involved in activities. You may have been popular, but now you must honestly access what’s getting in the way of making friends. Ask yourself, “Can my teen make new friends? Could he or she join and collaborate with a group?” ### **\#4 Talk about friendship** Discuss what makes a good friend, how they choose friends and what their interests are and who else shares those interests. Ask your teen how a friend makes them feel. Does a particular friend make your teen feel valued? ### **\#5 Talk about change and transitions** We usually surround ourselves with people who share our interests. A change in interests is no one’s fault. New sports, groups, social circles can often translate into new friendships. Your teen, or your teen’s friends, may choose to start new activities, which will probably translate into spending less time together. If your teen expresses feelings of abandonment, explain that people and interests change, and that it’s healthy to pursue new things. It’s okay to miss that friend, it’s just going to take a little more work to schedule seeing each other. ### **\#6 Get them involved in activities** Encourage your teen to become involved in a sport or other activity but don’t push too hard. When kids are already struggling, forcing them against their will isn’t a good way to gain cooperation, particularly with teens who are trying to become more independent. Instead, suggest three potential activities and together evaluate each one. It’s enough to find just one thing they like to do once a week. The goal is to both encourage socialization and to help them discover their interests. Everyone needs a place where they shine and it will give him something to look forward to. Plus, built-in structure can help reduce anxiety. Help keep things going. If you have a car, offer to drive your child to social events and activities. Or let your child invite a friend on family outings. ### **\#7 Praise their effort** Take every opportunity to praise your teen when you see them using friendship skills effectively. Reassure your child that you love them and that everyone struggles with something. This will give your child the confidence to continue to use and perfect their social skills. And don’t stress if they don’t “believe” you, sometimes kids need to hear your praise over and over again. It’s good for their hearts, and their self-esteem. ### **\#8 Model good behavior** Be sure to model how to pay attention to others and resolve conflicts calmly when talking to friends and family members. ### **\#9 Tell your child that you believe in them and they can do this** The most important thing is to keep communication flowing between you and your child without taking an authoritarian approach. Raising teens isn’t easy. Even the healthiest parents struggle from time to time. But when your child is struggling to make or keep friendships, it’s important to support your child with kindness, skills and direction. And of course love. If I can help you, [please don’t hesitate to reach out](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/contact/). \* Levine, D. (2000). Virtual attraction: What rocks your boat. Cyberpsychology & Behavior, 3(4), 565–573. doi:10.1089/109493100420179  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adolescence, Parenting --- ### [Worried You're Parenting A Bully? Here Are 5 Signs Your Child Is The Classroom Bully](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parenting-a-bully/) **Published:** October 22, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** No child is perfect. Most parents, at some point, have seen their child be mean to other kids. But if you’re worried that your son or daughter might be a bully at school because they seem to have a habit of putting others down, there are some subtle signs of bullying you should watch out for. Maybe, in the past, you’ve gotten a phone call from your child’s school. Your son has pushed another kid’s face into some pasta at lunch. He has been reprimanded and is in trouble again. Or you saw your daughter being snarky to other girls at a classmate’s birthday party and heard her say snide things, like “We can see you’re a genius” or “I’m trying to picture you with a personality” to other kids. Perhaps your child’s peers do their bidding, or you overhear a comment from another child to their mom, “Casey says I can’t be a sweater-saurus at Halloween” — and you wonder, “Wait, is that like MY child telling other people what to do?” Overall, you think, “Heck, no, this is not happening.” But sadly it is. No one ever thinks of themselves as the parent of a bully; no parent wants their child to be a bully to others. We spend a lot of time thinking about those who are bullied, but as a parent, one of the loneliest experiences is to be the mom or dad of a child you suspect may be bullying other kids. It’s common not to know where to turn or what to do. ### **Parenting a Bully** I have worked with many children who were dubbed a bully. And let me say first that I think the term bully is overused. As an expert in this field, I want to make one thing clear: bullying involves intention. It involves a persistent desire to humiliate or belittle someone or to physically harm them. Not all kids who are labeled a bully are acting with this kind of intention. But even being called this creates a ripple effect. When your child or teen is accused, or labeled, as a classroom bully it creates shame for kids and parents alike. In my experience, while there are some people who are bullies, there are also kids with ADHD and other behavioral challenges that do not mean to hurt anyone, but they act impulsively and that lands them in trouble. And while the child’s intention is *not* to harm, as parents you still have to cope with this situation. It’s quite common for kids who have experienced bullying to turn to this kind of behavior as a reactive measure. And this shows us that the bully, the bystander and the victims all need help. ### **Children who turn to bullying others often do not mean to be cruel, but things happen that may lead to them eventually putting others down.** **There are many reasons this can happen and they include:** - Low self-esteem - Struggles at home - Bullying behavior modeled by parents, siblings or influential friends/acquaintances - Impulsivity or impulse control - Poor relationships or models for how to create healthy relationships - Lack of support from others - Limited connection to others - Poor control over their emotions - Social discomfort - A desperate need to fit in - Regularly being punished - Witnessing violence or aggression - Struggles at school Being aggressive can become a lifelong pattern that will hurt your child’s future. Part of being a parent is playing detective and trying to figure out what your child needs even when you have little to go on other than other people reporting that they’re behaving in “bullying ways. ### If you’re worried you’re parenting a bully, here are 5 signs of bullying behavior that signal your kid needs help. ## 1. Lack of Empathy for Others Kids that display a difficulty walking in other people’s shoes or don’t display feelings of understanding around the fairness of someone’s emotions or reactions is a sign to watch for. Additionally, kids who don’t show compassion or empathy and don’t think about other people’s feelings or experience may have a struggle in front of them. These kids often blame other people for their experiences and outcomes. They also tend not to take responsibility for their actions. If your child, more than their peers, just does not seem to worry about the feelings of other people or their impact on others, they are showing signs of lacking empathy for others. This is a tell-tale trait that we work on with kids who are accused of being the classroom bully. That said, it’s important to know that empathy is a skill that grows with maturity. It’s not as if a 2 year old should be expected to show empathy the way we think that a 7th grader should, or the way we expect to see it in an 18 year old. Empathy as a skill grows over time. Being self-focused is normal for young kids. It’s when the child is older and they do not recognize the pain of others that you want to start to pay attention to this as a sign of potential bullying behaviors. ## 2. Obsessed About Fitting In Some kids are very acutely aware of the social hierarchy and social status. They feel tremendous pressure to fit in. They may try to manage and orchestrate control and are obsessed with their social image, social media, and they spend a lot of time (potentially too much time) worrying about how they are perceived. This can lead your child to make choices to fit into the crowd. When these choices are not in the best interest of others (themselves included) it can lead to bullying behavior, especially when the child perceives a risk to their “status” if they don’t fit in. This kind of anxiety can lead to bullying behavior even though they don’t mean to. In this case, the real issue is the anxiety or worries about not being popular, fitting in or being picked/chosen as the “best” or “most important” in whatever arena they are fixated on. The bullying behavior must be addressed, but that alone won’t resolve the feelings that are motivating the bullying behavior. To really resolve this kind of challenge, parents have to get to the “why” behind their child’s behavior to help manage the reasons underneath the behavior. ## 3. Previous Experiences with Anger, Violence, or Bullying If your child has witnessed and experienced bullying behaviors, violence, anger, and punishment they are inherently more susceptible to becoming a bully themselves. Once a person has been pushed around and seen aggression and punishment as the answer to their problems, it can become a coping skill for the future. That is not true for everyone, but it is true that witnessing this kind of behavior creates a vulnerability for the child. And since your child has been a victim or has experienced injustice or witnessed adults using aggressive behavior, they may turn to this as their go-to reaction. This may not be their intention and as a parent, you can help him find another way. Like the obsessive drive to fit in talked about above, once the bullying behavior has been addressed, truly resolving this kind of bullying behavior comes down to understanding the child’s template for resolving emotionally tense or anxiety-ridden situations. ## 4. A Tendency to Put Other People Down Some kids develop a tendency to put other people down while building themselves up. When you see this in kids, what you’re watching for is a child who points out flaws in others, makes cruel jokes about others to their face and outright insults kids who keep following their lead. What’s underneath this is low self-esteem, fear, and even feeling overwhelmed by life/friendships. This kind of internal pressure can make some kids become dismissive and put others down. This is a sign that your child needs your help feeling better about themselves so they don’t resort to bullying others to help “fix” feeling low/less than others. ## 5. Recurring Behavior Problems If your child struggles to control their emotions, this can be a sign of bullying behavior. But, in and of itself, it can be a misread sign because many neurodiverse kids have up and down moods, as do kids with depression and anxiety. It’s important to read emotions with some depth and not react to the first sign of a mood swing with the assertion that your kid is a bully. That said, if your kid has a history of behavior problems and you notice their friends also share these characteristics, this is something to explore and you want to watch for signs of aggression. In boys, stereotypically this can be fighting, pushing, or loud arguments outside of situations that appear to warrant that kind of behavior. A kid who plays a physical sport where aggression is “valued” may have carryover behavior into their non-sports life that can be addressed and may not be bullying. In girls, bullying can be stereotypical “mean girl” behaviors. Putting down others, shaming, and kicking friends out of their circle. If these behaviors land your kid in the principal’s office or in detention, you have signs that their behavior, wherever it generated from, is getting them into trouble and needs to be explored. Are they acting impulsively? Is this a “reaction” vs an “intentionally mean thing done to hurt someone else? As with all true bullying behavior, you have to look at your child’s intention. Did they “plan” to behave this way? Or was it just a reaction? If your kid is impulsive during fights or other aggressive actions, this may lead them to act like a bully even if they don’t truly operate like a bully in the rest of their life. ### **Bullying is a complex issue and parents are not necessarily to blame.** If your child is struggling and you’re either being told or you’re witnessing them becoming a bully, you can help by spotting these 5 signs when he or she is acting up. Parenting a bully isn’t easy. But, as a parent, you can help them pick themselves up and adopt better behaviors so that putting other people down doesn’t become a life-long habit. If I can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Parenting **Tags:** Bullying --- ### [What To Do When You're Trying To Make Friends & Your Social Battery Hits Overwhelm And Shutdown](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/make-friends-social-battery/) **Published:** November 1, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** For some people with ADHD, being social fills up their battery. Yet, for others, it drains them of their energy. But the truth is that for almost everyone, reading social cues, trying to pay attention to conversations, coping with sensory bombardment and managing situations that are taxing on your brain are exhausting. When someone wants to make friends, there are often consequences to reaching out to new people. You may be someone who over commits to things when you’re really quite busy. Or, you may say “yes” to an event when you really would rather stay home and veg on the couch. Or you may really want friends to the point that you do things to please others that you’re *really* not interested in doing. The pull to making new friends is very strong. Especially, when you feel lonely, isolated, bored or simply aware that you want new people in your life. Often, the tug to make new friends can be fueled by a burst of social frenzy only to be followed by a period of social hibernation. ### It can feel like a feast or famine. Additionally, many neurodivergent individuals are prone to burnout and social exhaustion. Interacting with the world can be exhausting. Part of this is because the skills required to interact with new friends and in new social settings are often fast paced. They involve a lot of brain functions including memory, executive function skills and As you consider the pull to making new friends, it’s important to have a plan to handle things when your social battery hits empty. Knowing that making friends can be tiring and draining is an important part of being able to sustain the process long enough to develop a genuine friendship. ## Here are the 6 Skills I Recommend to Recharge Your Energy & Your Social Battery As You Work On Making New Friends 1. **Know what recharges your battery-** The key here is knowing for yourself (and everyone is different) what charges your social battery and what drains your social battery. Do you feel better after spending some time alone, with a treasured pet, or out in nature? Do you feel more energized after listening to a quick podcast, reading a book or binge-watching your favorite show? Do you feel recharged after a few nights at home doing your “regular routine” or after spending some time exploring something new? It’s important to remember that this isn’t about being an introvert or extrovert, but if you know where you lean on those scales, they will give you a few clues about what works well to recharge your battery and what drains you of your energy. 2. **Have a plan to recharge your battery.** Once you know what fuels you up, you want to build into your routine some time to get back on track. If being social is stressful for you, what can you do before heading out to meet friends to help you feel energized and what can you do when you return to fill up your tank? This can include things like exercise, a nap, listening to music or an audio book, taking a walk outside, coloring or meditation. Having a routine that respects your internal needs is a way to both love yourself and recharge your battery so your social hibernation period isn’t longer. 3. **Know what is energizing for you and what is draining.** It’s also important to pay attention to what environments, situations and groups that are tougher for you and provide less of the benefit in terms of connection and belonging. As you’re working on making new friends, being in places and with people that are “easier” is empowering vs places that are more challenging which are less likely to keep you motivated and engaged. 4. **Set realistic expectations of yourself.** It’s easy to try to say yes to everything and to imagine you are going to be different than you have been in the past. But the fact is that some situations may be challenging for you. Rather than saying yes or no to everything, it’s better to be realistic with yourself. When you encounter something or someone new, ask yourself these three questions: Does this interest you? Do you want to do this activity? Does this serve your personal goals? *(When you get a “yes” you know the person/activity matches your friendship goals.)* 5. **Offer an alternative** – Don’t feel you have to accept every social offer sent your way. If you were to accept everything, it would likely be too draining. Rather than cocooning away and not taking part at all, propose an alternative. If you know that an environment is difficult to navigate and that it is going to push all your sensory buttons, perhaps it is not the best place to be social. Where else can you go together? Is there another activity that works? Weigh out the benefits and offer an alternative plan. 6. **Protect yourself**– If you must go somewhere that is triggering, have a plan to take care of your own needs. Perhaps arrive with a buddy. Or arrive later or earlier so you make your presence known but you’re not locked in to the whole event. You can even plan to stay ONLY until things are at a tipping point. When you’re bombarded with sensory stimuli it can lead quickly to fight, flight or freeze and that makes it hard to pay attention to social cues and read the room. Take steps to protect yourself like lessening auditory triggers with earphones, choosing seats out of the fray, and going at times with less traffic, noise and people to prevent feeling overwhelmed. And one final suggestion… ## Before You Cancel Plans With A Prospective Friend, Figure Out Your Social & Friendship Goals Saying yes and being in pain is no way to live. But, some of us have a tendency to say no to everything and then to feel lonely and left out. Ask yourself what you want from your friends? Do you want people you can open up to and share your deepest secrets with? Or do you just want friends to hang out and have fun with? Do you like being around a lot of people or just a few? Knowing what you want from your friends helps you understand who different people are meant to be in your life. That little piece of information is what you need in order to set healthy expectations around what your goals are for finding new friends in your life. Before you cancel plans, think about how the activity fits into your relationship with the other person and your budding friendship. If the activity is something special like a wedding, then you might consider going. It’s a one-time event and has a fixed start and end time so you know what you’re committing to. But, if you’re being asked to join a hiking club and you would rather not spend every Sunday morning hiking, then it’s wise to say no because you won’t really enjoy it or want to stay committed to an activity you dislike. It’s a slippery slope to please other people when you’re trying to make friends. There’s nothing wrong with compromise or trying new things, just look at the finer details to be sure what you’re committing to. Making friends isn’t easy, especially as we get older. And people with neurodivergence/ADHD may have other considerations on their mind as they step back out into the friendship fray. What I can tell you is that if you know yourself, respect your needs and you plan ahead, making new friends is absolutely possible. I know, I’ve done it myself. Need help, please reach out.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Making Friends --- ### [How to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin When You’re Naturally Unsure of Yourself](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/comfortable-in-your-own-skin/) **Published:** January 19, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** When I was a kid I was always the last one picked for the team or the game and in part, this was because I struggled with basic physical skills. Embarrassingly, when I finally did hit a baseball in gym class I followed it by throwing the bat and hitting my gym teacher in the face. Not my finest moment. As a kid I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I was awkward and it showed up anytime I had to be physically active in front of other people. Overtime, this grew into a series of memories in my mind that were so vivid that whenever someone even mentioned an activity that resembled one of my faux pas, I would shrink in avoidance. The embarrassment was palpable and it was hard. ## If you’re like me, being the “awkward” kid can have a deep and scarring effect on your life. And, it can show up in a lot of ways. - Maybe you were always the kid who got sidelined at dodge ball… - Or you were so insecure that when you had to do something in front of other people that your very presence made other people uncomfortable. - Or you were the kid who tripped when you walked into a room - Or you always talked too loudly or mumbled so quietly that people stopped asking you to participate - Or you said things that were so cringy that the air felt like it was literally sucked out of the room when you spoke. - And rather than moving our bodies with grace, we trip and fall and knock over someone’s lamp. Unfortunately, social missteps from the past can often cause us to focus more on what makes us awkward instead of paying attention to our strengths and the characteristics that make us good, endearing friends. ## Here’s the truth: everyone has awkward moments. What they don’t have is a history of feeling socially awkward all the time or a past riddled with feeling anxiety that gets sparked every time a social event comes up. Knowing that you can be adept one moment and socially awkward the next is hard. ## How can you ever become more comfortable in your own skin? Feeling comfortable in your own skin is feeling confident and good about who you are. But, it’s easier said than done. And to say it’s simple is to ignore and invalidate every bit of anxiety that shows up when you’re faced with something new, or a repeat of something that was once awkward and uncomfortable. Being comfortable in your own skin takes practice. It’s humbling and it means facing your anxiety more times than you may imagine. Part of the truth here is that being neurodivergent can mean that you’re never *really* at ease with yourself. I know, I’ve been there too. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying to get there. And really, what I hope is that you can think about this like I do which is not about “getting it right” but more about making it a little easier; a little simpler and perhaps even a little more approachable even if you never fully feel completely at ease. I know for me, this has been a practice, not an event and not an accomplishment. The accomplishment is in making each day a little easier so I’m closer to feeling better about myself and comfortable with who I am. ## These 6 Practices Are How I Have Learned How To Be More Comfortable In My Own Skin ### \#1 Find Ways To Feel Safe Being comfortable with yourself always happens faster when you feel psychologically safe. Any risks you take in life are always easier when you have an emotional safety net around you. Trusted friends and loved ones who appreciate, respect and accept you for who you are act like a coat of armor when you want to try something new. The opposite is also true. When you don’t feel psychologically safe, your body and mind are on high alert and it’s hard to try new things, reframe missteps or even be present and in the moment. This can be particularly challenging in social settings where your awkwardness can be read/seen by the people around you. The advice here is to try new things slowly and with people you trust. Then, if you have a faux pas it is easier to laugh off or gain support if you need it. Once you trust yourself more, you will find it easier to branch out and try new social activities and take risks in less well-known spaces and with less well-known people. ### \#2 Pay Attention To The Story In Your Mind About Who You Are Many people have a story or a “narrative” of who they are that seems fixed somehow based on their past. You may think of yourself as “too much” or a “bad friend” or “not good socially.” And while you may have had moments with these issues, it isn’t who you are. When it comes to learning how to be comfortable in your own skin, you have to take stock of the stories you believe to be true and remember that you can change the story moving forward. Your character is not set in stone. And that is a wonderful thing. **How you think about yourself matters.** When you assume things like “no one will pick me for the team” you show up with that belief in your “beingness.” In other words, if you believe yourself to be any of the characteristics, you will show up as that person. And that is a trap that will keep you stuck in old thinking and stop you from taking new risks in life. ### \#3 Listen To Your Self Talk Along with the story in your head is the voice in your head. Your “inner narrator” is likely quite critical, mean and lacking in compassion. Negative self-talk can bombard you and encase you in a hurtful prison of your own making. To feel comfortable in your own skin, you have to change your internal soundtrack. Listen for when you are self-critical or say things like “your bad”, “you’re wrong” “no one wants you/likes you/needs you”… all of these messages tear down your self-esteem and make it harder for you to move into a practice of loving yourself and accepting yourself, flaws and all. ### \#4 Replace your negative thoughts with more positive ones Often when you have intrusive, even obsessive thoughts running around in our minds, it’s easy to create an entire story about a person or situation. When you find yourself worried or holding on to negative thoughts, take a deep breath and ask yourself: - What evidence do you have that this story is true? - What facts are out there that support the story in your mind? - Could there be another reason or set of reasons for the situation you’re in? - What else could it be? After answering those questions, write a new story, one that has more of a realistic, neutral tone. Instead of thinking, “they didn’t return my text because I was too outspoken at that meeting” replace that with the possibility that “they might be busy, it is a hectic time.” ### \#5 Reframe Your Missteps When you make mistakes or say things you wish you could take back, that’s the time when your inner critic comes out loudly. Instead of making a misstep a fact or certainty, put them in context. Something happened but it doesn’t define who you are. It’s very hard to feel comfortable in your own skin if you think of yourself as “good” or “bad” or “always” or “never”. Instead, with self-compassion, try to let some of the pressure off and remember that what happened was an event not a statement about your character or a fact about your personality. Reframing your missteps goes a long way to quiet your inner critic and change the story loop playing in your head. ### \#6 Embrace Your Strengths To feel comfortable in your body and experience self-acceptance, you also need to feel some self-compassion and some self-love. Spend a few minutes reminding yourself of what you do well and how you bring value to the friends and loved ones in your life. Do something that reminds you of your strengths every day. This is the real key to starting to build the mental muscle that will give you the courage to try new things and take risks in your life. And ultimately, feeling comfortable in your own skin is a practice that takes time but it is so worth it for your mental health and your well-being. Please [follow me on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/) for more insights and [join my newsletter list](https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/su/0OIxUyx/Welcome) for extra goodies and support.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ### [Understanding ADHD & Black and White Thinking](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/understanding-black-and-white-thinking-adhd/) **Published:** February 3, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “It was a total failure,” a client tells me about a situation. Now listening to their story, what you wouldn’t get from this one statement is that the situation being described is complex. It was full of many small wins, different perspectives and absolutely NOT absolute. Like most events in our lives, it was nuanced and certainly not the “total failure” my client absolutely felt that it was. So why was this situation so crystal clear and simple to my client, and clearly not to me. The answer lies in what’s called “all or nothing” or “black and white thinking”. This kind of “one way street” is very common for people with ADHD and other neurodivergent brains and you may have seen it in your own thinking or your loved ones’ thinking before. ## Characteristics Black and white thinkers often characterize things as good or bad, wrong or right, or express their point of view in absolutes like, “there is only one way to do/handle or act” in a situation. There is very little “gray” or middle ground and the fact that most of life happens outside of the extremes is often lost on people with rigid thinking patterns. If you are living with a black and white thinker, you might experience your child as “inflexible” or see your partner as stubborn or “set in their ways”. These characteristics are signs of an all-or-nothing mindset and they present a specific set of challenges when trying to help your child or partner navigate social situations, make friends or find peace in a “new” situation. ## Where Does Black & White Thinking Come From? Thinking patterns like these can arise from various environments, neurology or they can be the result of life experiences, often as a result of the experiences not as an intended consequence. In this example, think about someone who experiences a deep loss and makes the decision that every relationship ends or that everyone leaves. The truth is, we all have a different response to stress. Some people find positive ways to cope that are hopeful and optimistic towards the future. Others, unfortunately, get trapped in anxiety or other negative responses that make navigating life more challenging. Additionally, sensory issues, ADHD, autism, anxiety and depression may lead some people to develop a higher intolerance for uncertainty which can lead to greater black and white thinking. [Research shows](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-41164-8) that dichotomous (AKA black and white thinking) is a reaction to the need for control. When chaos and overstimulation rule the brain, it can cause people to seek out areas of their life they do feel in control of, inspiring them to enact even more stringent rules over certain areas of their lives. Thinking in absolutes (black/white, right/wrong etc) helps a brain that is overstimulated or stressed by options make sense of the world. The challenge is that this kind of thinking is actually a [“cognitive distortion”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion) or a view that reflects a misinterpretation of an event. When this kind of thinking goes on without checking or affirming the truth, it can cause beliefs to develop that are inaccurate. In other words, a distorted view of the events. *Adapted from Beck, 1976; Strohmeier et al, 2016* ## How Black and White Thinking Might Present ### A black and white thinker may express: - The day was “good” or “bad” - Using words like “always” and “never” - It was the “best day” or the “worst day” **ever** - I’m “off” or I’m “on” - “Nothing went right”, or “it all went perfectly” - Their opinion is “right” and your opinion is “wrong” ## Friendship & Black and White Thinking Let’s start at the beginning. How you think affects what you do and your mindset affects how you approach each and every relationship in your life. ### Black and white thinking can cause problems in relationships and friendships in 4 important ways. 1. All or nothing thinking oversimplifies complex issues, which may mean not seeing all the nuances, weighing your options and realizing the important aspects of a situation. 2. It often leads to cutting people off, breaking up with them or dismissing them because black and white thinkers tend to categorize people into categories such as “in or out”. 3. Black and white thinking actually amplifies emotions, leading to being too quick to judge, feel affronted or terminate a relationship. 4. Speaking in absolutes can also create conflict with other people and invite defensiveness as other people feel attacked. For example, when someone says “you never help me,” or I can “never count on you,” friends may feel defensive since this is not an accurate depiction of the situation. Someone with black and white thinking may ask their friends, colleagues or family to choose their perspective rather than being open to other people. They may be unable to accept change because of extreme thinking. Or when considering a situation, they may twist events into their thinking pattern causing them to fall into catastrophizing and negative thought patterns. Any way you look at it, black and white thinking is hard to manage either as the person with this kind of thinking pattern, or from the perspective of loving someone with this kind of thinking. ## Here are 5 Strategies to Shift Black and White Thinking 1. **Notice your speech and challenge your inner voice.** By recognizing when your thinking moves into [all or nothing or other extremes](https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/autism-black-white-thinking/) is the first step in trying to shift this pattern. Pay attention to the words you say to yourself and what words signal this a black and white thinking pattern. 2. **Listen for words that are absolutes:** “always”, “never”, “all”, “none” etc and look for patterns in your speech that signal this kind of thinking is ongoing. It’s common for catastrophic thinking to follow these word patterns, and you can see the negative picture emerge once you start saying these kinds of words to yourself. 3. **Challenge yourself to examine what feels like a fact for holes in your thinking.** For example, if you say to yourself, “I am a total loser today; I didn’t make any of my goals” ask the next question before accepting that assertion as a fact. And that next question is: what evidence or facts proves your comment to be true. Try to be open to the “truth” versus trying to merely prove your case. Open-mindedness is key to shifting your fixed mindset into a learning or fluid mindset which is key to releasing the hold black and white thinking has on your life. 4. **Broaden your perspectives.** This helps reduce the hold that binary thinking has on you. The world is not all black and white; there are MANY shades of gray and when you examine your “facts” a simple shift to add in the phrase “yes, and…” can open your mind up to other truths that coexist with your negative thoughts. For example, “Yes, today did not go as planned AND I tried to make real progress toward my goals.” Remember that your rules are not absolute, they are guidelines. 5. **Build your skills.** Being a flexible thinker isn’t an ingrained knowing. It’s a skill kids are taught and practice over time. Before judging yourself for not “getting this right” check in to see what’s causing the black and white thinker to compensate by trying to create control. These skills might include reading between the lines, perspective taking, or decoding words and what things really mean. 6. **Increased your emotional tolerance for negative feelings.** Uncertainty can also cause feelings of fear, sadness, regret or anger to name a few. When you practice allowing all of your feelings (good or bad) to rise up and simply be without reacting impulsively to squash, avoid or remove the emotions, you start to learn that these feelings don’t bring about doom or disaster. 7. **Practice self soothing to cope with uncertainty.** What do you need to feel better when you’re uncomfortable, out of your element or dealing with new emotions? This can range from taking a pause or a timeout, deep breathing, writing your feelings down or even talking with a trusted friend/confidante. 8. **Practice flexibility in your thinking.** When you find yourself stuck in black and white thinking, it’s easy to also feel trapped and therefore, it’s pointless to try something new. This is exactly the moment to stretch yourself and see what you can do with your mindset. That said, adding greater flexibility to your life is not does not mean masking or people-pleasing, it’s more about expanding your ability to cope with emotions and uncertainty so you can adapt with less stress to the nuances and gray areas of life. Black and white thinking is super common for people with ADHD and other neurodivergent thinkers. It’s also an area of your life that with practice can feel more in your control. And of course, this is a practice, not a perfect. Learning how to see new perspectives, develop a less stringent way of seeing the world and being gentle with yourself is required. Whether you have this kind of thinking yourself, or you love someone with this mindset, it’s possible to adapt your way of thinking to help the world feel less stressful and easier to be yourself in. Please follow my [YouTube Channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) for more videos on topics just like this one!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD --- ### [ADHD & Friendships… Why It’s So Hard For Some Kids To Make Life-Long Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adhd-and-friendship/) **Published:** February 15, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As a parent, watching your ADHD kid from the sidelines, you know all-too-well how often your child is rejected, socially awkward and challenging with their friends. ADHD and friendships have a dicey relationship at best and if your kid is the one on the playground who is turned away from, or not invited over to the Saturday night hangout/sleep over, you know that secretly, other kids have rejected your child. The truth is, many kids with ADHD struggle with friendships more than their typical peers. ADHD and friendships have a complex and often difficult relationship. Most of the reasons why can be explained through executive function deficits that kids and adults with ADHD have. Why? Because your executive functions (emotional control, time management, planning, organizing etc.) drive friendship behavior. ADHD affects this area of the brain in a unique way, causing delays and or deficits in this set of skills. The paradox is that kids and [adults with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/13-social-skills-activities-for-adults/) need to practice their emerging social skills in order to strengthen them. But, because they struggle socially, often kids with ADHD are given fewer chances with playmates and friends to get it right. Research also shows that [kids with ADHD may also lag behind](https://chadd.org/about-adhd/the-science-of-adhd/) in emotional and mental maturity as much as 3 to 5 years behind their peers. Which further complicates social relationships and contributes greatly to the challenges with ADHD and friendships. ## Understanding ADHD and Friendship Learning how your child’s brain works is key to helping kids and teens with ADHD make friends because the traits and weaker executive function skills that lead to social snafus cannot be “overcome” or “pushed through.” Kids need time, experience, practice, skill building and then even more time to really improve their weaknesses. And the challenge for most kids is that along the way, they are also having friendship moments that are less than ideal, cementing their understanding of friends. All too often the memory of “being rejected” or “[feeling left out](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-a-kid-who-is-being-ostracized-feeling-left-out/)” or “not being invited” demotivates kids to keep trying. In fact, the data is that kids with ADHD are [4 times more likely to be rejected by peers](https://prisme.uqo.ca/upload/userfiles/files/Soucisse%20et%20al_%202015_%20Friendship%20Problems%20in%20Children%20with%20ADHD_%20What%20Do%20We%20Know%20and%20What%20Can%20We%20Do_.pdf) than “typical” kids. This experience of repeated rejection alone is enough to make almost anyone question the value of trying harder to make a new friend. And yet, as adults, we know that friendship and belonging are key to happiness in life. The 85 year long Harvard Happiness study tells us implicitly that, *“close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives…”* [The Harvard Gazette](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/). ## Friendship is not just having someone, anyone to be with, it means having someone who: - Accepts you - Provides support - Shares experiences - Comforts you when you’re down - Shares your interests - Is curious about you and your life - Ask you questions, doesn’t just talk about themselves - Understands give and take - Is willing to forgive you and asks the same of you - Wants to spend time with you As parents, caregivers and educators, it’s important to know that ADHD and friendships need a little extra for sustenance and growth. Kids with ADHD are often GREAT at getting a new friendship going, the struggle is when their executive functions let them down and the after-effects of interrupting, impulsivity, poor impulse control and others affect how their new friend feels about them. This concept is hard for kids (and many adults) with ADHD to understand because it’s just their way of being in the world. It’s not their **intention** to be forgetful, messy or to overshare, over talk or any other way of behaving that others judge as “annoying” or “hurtful.” Understanding this simple fact is how you as a parent or I as a coach start to turn the tide on ADHD stereotypes and judgment. ## If kids could act better they would. The shame imposed on ADHD kids for having a different brain is something we have to think about and, arguably, find better ways to have more empathy and compassion for. Because, really, we’re talking about behaviors that happen as a result of poor executive functioning skills, not from intentionally being rude, uncaring or mean. And, they do get better over time with support. That said, kids can be cruel and unforgiving. When it comes to ADHD and friendship, we need a different approach if we want better results. ## Consider These 9 Core Truths For How ADHD Kids & Teens Approach Friendships 1. **ADHD kids may not read the room all the time.** They miss signals, signs and indicators from the people around them. Because they also struggle with managing their emotions, in conversations they have a tendency to blurt out or interrupt others. This means new friends have to be willing to overlook these behaviors in favor of “having fun” and that they need to express “patience” with having their turn. Both of which are difficult for young children and get better with maturity and age. 2. **ADHD kids and teens are greatly affected by their environment.** Situational variability means that different circumstances influence ADHD traits, so in certain environments kids/teens are more challenged. This means the environment has a key impact on executive function and how intense different ADHD symptoms and behaviors are. 3. **Being present does not mean kids with ADHD making eye contact.** [New research](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0265798) shows that making eye contact is painful for children with autism spectrum disorder and for kids with ADHD. If friends think a sign of a good relationship is making eye contact, non-ADHD kids may misread ADHD kids and think they’re not interested, rude or dismissive. Being misread makes it hard to form good relationships. 4. **Because executive function drives organizing information it has a direct connection to making friends and keeping up with buddies.** Coping strategies like routines are key to help people with ADHD keep up with friends and stay connected and in touch. For young kids, Mom and Dad are critical for planning events and play dates, older kids and teens can rely on their cellphones to track dates, but still need parents to buy into driving and getting kids together. If your kid is taking the initiative to make the connection, it’s good to support them with the steps they need your help with. 5. **Emotions affect how you behave and when fight, flight or freeze takes over, your brain can feel like it goes offline for a bit.** For ADHD kids, when they are in a tense or challenging situation that’s “not going well” the tendency for their brain to flood with emotion is common. This means the child cannot access their thinking brain which affects their logical thinking, decision making and more. When kids and teens with ADHD find themselves in yet “another” challenging situation, it’s easy for their minds to “flood” and for them to freeze up. Making it hard to navigate things like a friend reacting to being interrupted by them or to handle the consequences of acting impulsively. The fight, flight and freeze feels paralyzing and kids have a tendency to “avoid” situations like this in the future, even if it is potentially good for them like making a new friend. 6. **And don’t mistake the notion that people with ADHD “don’t pay attention.”** They do, but often they’re paying attention to the wrong stimuli or they’re focused on something that isn’t key to the social exchange between friends. This means that they often miss key social cues. Because many Neurodivergent kids have slower processing speeds, they also respond sometimes a beat too late or may not process all the information at once. This difference in “getting it” can cause kids to react with frustration when the ADHD kid really needs a moment or even patience to sort out what’s going on. 7. **Memory is also an issue.** Often kids with ADHD forget things and have a tendency for someone to be “out of sight and then out of mind.” Memory issues affect more than remembering names; it also impacts keeping up with friends and managing relationships. 8. **When a lot is happening at once, ADHD kids tend to feel “bombarded” or that they are experiencing sensory overload.** This too makes reading the situation hard and may result in the child shutting down and not knowing what to do or say to their friends. This confusion is hard for young kids to really understand and many will walk away. For teens, the same thing can happen but with emotional maturity, often their peers are more attuned to reading the room and can pick up on what their friend is feeling. 9. **ADHD is a deficit of interest.** Interest is key to igniting the ADHD brain and helping people with ADHD pay attention and feel motivated to pay attention, try harder or keep up with their friends. Children with ADHD may find aspects of socializing boring such as social niceties, making chit chat or playing the same game over and over. Many of the items on this list are affected greatly by maturity and experience. As kids with ADHD start to make longer term friendships, their friends grow along with them and if their brains are not affected by the same things on this list, the skills of compassion, empathy, patience and persistence help to keep the friendship going as the ADHD kid learns the skills to manage their ADHD behaviors. I also want to say this. ADHD kids bring a tremendous amount to friendships. They are curious, passionate, playful, energetic, and rarely dull or boring. Understanding ADHD and friendship also means that we have to look at the very special qualities ADHD brains bring to the people in their lives. By no means is it all bad. The challenges that kids face in their early years with making friends changes with time. As parents, what we really want to do is help our kids to evolve their playbook for making friends. Kids have different personalities and focus in elementary school versus high school, but making friends is always a goal. So help your kid by seeing their skills on a continuum, and like everything, no one is great at everything. ## Help your kids learn what they bring to the table. As a friend, all kids have assets and gifts to share making them a total catch for the right friend or group of friends. The executive function skills that are hard in elementary school can shift with age, so keep up with it Mom and Dad. This is how you’ll know what your kid needs to work on. And it’s how you can help them grow out of old behaviors so they can transform as their interests change. The mix of skills and self-esteem can help anyone with ADHD make friends. It’s important to remember that different brains are just that, different. Not better or worse, just different. When you think about making friends as a life-long activity, you’ll start to see how the ADHD person needs to think about friendship a little differently. If I can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Please follow my [YouTube Channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) for more videos on topics just like this one!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Making Friends --- ### [How Your “Inner Voice” Shapes Your Ability To Be Resilient When You Feel Left Out Socially](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/inner-voice-shapes-resiliency-skills/) **Published:** March 12, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** The only thing harder than getting my family to church on Sunday morning is knowing what to do with myself when the service is over. As the congregation drifts into the social hall for coffee and donuts, my children go one way and my spouse goes another. I’m left alone, looking from group to group of chatting parishioners wondering if any of them would welcome me? Worrying what I would say if they do, and watching for signs of rejection. Many of us with ADHD have social struggles and know what it’s like to feel overlooked or sidelined in social situations. We often have a lifetime of negative experiences, where our efforts to connect with our peers resulted in being ignored, insulted, or abandoned. Even as adults, the pain of rejection (or perceived rejection) can be powerfully discouraging. In these social moments when we are feeling insecure, on-the-spot, and unworthy, our “inner critic” is often the loudest voice in our heads. However, with some effort, it is possible to retrain our inner voice so that it helps rather than harms us, encouraging resilience in the face of social slights. ## What is Self-Talk Exactly? “Self-talk” is a term we use to describe the cognitive experience of communicating with oneself. It can also be referred to as “inner monologue/dialogue,” and neuroscientists tend to prefer the term [*endophasia*](https://www.mindful.org/why-we-talk-to-ourselves-the-science-of-your-internal-monologue/). Self-talk can be performed consciously or subconsciously. Everyone experiences self-talk differently, and it can include images and feelings as well as words. **Positive self-talk** can include self-encouragement, motivating visualization, intentional gratitude, cognitive reframing, and affirming personal narrative. **Negative self-talk** can include self-criticism, catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, personalization, “mind-reading,” and/or other discouraging personal narrative. ### The self-talk we engage in can consciously or unconsciously affect our self-image, as well as our perception of the world around us and how we fit into it (or don’t). When facing stressful social situations, particularly those we have had trouble navigating in the past, those of us with ADHD can find ourselves battling our own “inner critic” well before we engage another person. The way our inner voice responds to these challenges can affect how we handle them in the moment, how well we recover from stress or negative experiences, and our potential for growth over time. ## Self-Talk & Resilience When we talk about resilience in the context of our inner experience, we are usually referring to our ability to adapt to, *and recover from*, stress, trauma, and other adversity, ultimately learning and growing from those experiences. When we are able to rejoin a party after an awkward encounter, rather than hiding in the bathroom for the rest of the evening, we have our resilience to thank. Most of the research on the relationship between positive self-talk and resilience is on athletes, but there is reason to believe that, at least for some people, positive self-talk can support the development of resilience in everyday circumstances. (The correlation between negative self-talk and poor resilience is well-established.) ## Getting to Know Your Inner Voice Because it often happens subconsciously, the first step to improving the quality of your self-talk is learning to hear and identify your inner voice. ### Here are four strategies you can use to tune in to your inner voice: **\#1 Practice mindfulness.** Take a breath and check in with yourself. Notice the thoughts that may be hovering around your conscious mind. What are you saying to yourself? Remember, not all self-talk is in words! Try to notice any images, memories, or emotions that you may be holding on to. **\#2 Pay attention to the stories you tell about yourself.** Sometimes, our self-talk can settle into a pattern of where we are telling a story of ourselves that is limiting or even untrue such as, “I am awkward at parties,” “I am too loud,” or “I am not an attractive person.” **Challenge your self-talk by asking yourself:** - What evidence do you have that this story is true? - What facts are out there that support the story in your mind? - What else could it be? **\#3 Take a step back to notice how you’re speaking to yourself.** Try to notice the perspective from which you are speaking to yourself. Does your “inner critic” sound like a second voice in your head, saying things like, “*You* are terrible at small talk?” If that is the case, try rewording that thought to be a little more kind, such as “*I* feel self-conscious when I try to make small talk.” **\#4 Zoom out for greater perspective.** Conversely, you might also try *zooming out* your perspective to that of a benevolent third-person narrator. That would sound something like this, “Caroline Maguire has a unique approach to party chitchat!” Identifying and changing your inner perspective can change your emotional response to the words in your head, which in term can decrease stress and increase resilience. ## How to Adjust Your Self-Talk For Greater Resilience Once you are adept at hearing how you are talking to yourself, you can practice intentionally changing your self-talk to words and images that help, rather than harm. 1. **Truth first.** Research has shown that having athletes intentionally repeat affirming statements only improves performance if the athletes actually *believe* what they are saying. In other words, you can tell yourself “I am a skilled tennis player” a million times, but if you know darn well you can’t return a ball to save your life, that kind of self-talk is not going to improve your doubles score. You make a lot more progress with self-talk you already believe, so in a challenging social situation, find the most generous truth. “I don’t know what to say to people at parties” might be true, but so is “I look fantastic tonight.” 2. **Keep an open mind.** Many ADHD brains experience racing thoughts when under stress, and those thoughts are not always helpful. Particularly when a situation reminds us of past trauma, we may tend to engage in “fortune telling” otherwise known as negatively forecasting (“This dinner party is going to be a disaster”) or “mind reading” (“Those women are so well-dressed, they must be judging my outfit.”) Instead of locking into a negative—and entirely invented!—narrative, try keeping your mind open to all possibilities: “This dinner party will be what it’s going to be,” or “Those women are so well-dressed…I wonder where they like to shop?” 3. **Reframe with a growth mindset.** By adding context and perspective to our self-talk, we can bring our focus back to our potential and progress. Instead of telling ourselves “You are such a lame wallflower,” we can say, “I used to stay home instead of going to parties. Showing up is progress, even if I do hug the wall most of the time. Maybe tonight I can challenge myself to introduce myself to at least one new person?” In this way, we remind ourselves that, even as adults, we are capable of learning and changing. 4. **Put the spotlight on your strengths**. Our minds tend to magnify what they pay attention to, so in your self-talk, make sure you are spotlighting the good stuff! Here’s a hint: Neurodivergent people tend to keep our greatest strengths *right next to* our perceived weaknesses, so it doesn’t take much of a shift to change your perspective entirely! Instead of telling yourself, “You talk too much,” shift the spotlight to “I am friendly and engaging!” Like all personal growth, improving our self-talk and strengthening our resilience takes practice, time, and self-compassion. When we use these skills to bring ourselves out into the world socially, however, the rewards are kindness, connection, and belonging, exactly the motivation I need to take that awkward step to socialize with a stranger next Sunday at church! If I can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Please follow my [YouTube Channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) for more videos on topics just like this one!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ### [Help Your Kid Reframe Their Love-Hate Relationship with Being Social](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/love-hate-relationship-being-social-making-frinds/) **Published:** March 23, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Alex\*, a high school junior, has given up on making friends. “School is stressful enough”, she says. Instead of participating in after-school clubs and activities, she spends the evenings with her headphones on, listening to music while gaming or doing homework. This love-hate relationship with being social started early. In the past, when she’d make a connection with another student, someone she met in class or at a mutual activity, it would start off smoothly. But, when classes and schedules changed, she often found it hard to keep up with her peers. For Alex and lots of kids like her, developing friendships beyond the “friendly acquaintance” stage is slow to materialize. It’s been months since she’s spent any social time with classmates or peers and with her past disappointments, Alex often prefers being alone to trying it all again. In truth, her parents are worried. Senior year is coming up fast, and everyone is starting to wonder if she will get to experience any of the typical social milestones of adolescence? ## Why Do Some Kids Seem to Hate Being Social? For kids, particularly kids with developmental diagnoses such as [ADHD, autism, or learning disabilities](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adhd-executive-function-and-social-challenges/), the social world can be a minefield of unspoken rules and shattered expectations. Kids who struggle to make friends often have a myriad of stories in their heads that contribute to not wanting to “try again”. Kids with developmental and [social challenges](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/want-less-stress-with-your-socially-challenged-teen-learn-to-see-the-little-wins/) often deal with many mixed messages that dampen their motivation to meet new friends. ### Character strengths like “caring deeply”, using humor to connect, or being sensitive can work for them in some friendship arenas, but backfire greatly in others. > The kid who reacts strongly when defending a buddy may receive praise from their peers, but in another instance when they react strongly for a different reason, they receive criticism or rejection. > > The kid who is deeply sensitive and shows emotions that others are afraid to may be supported strongly when something sad happens, but that same level of sensitivity may be viewed as an annoyance when it’s applied to a different scenario. > > Or the kid who needs time to recharge after a big event is supported by their classmates for taking time off social media, but when that same kid needs time to reset their battery after a normal day they may be rejected when socially they can’t keep up with their peers. The mixed message many kids receive is that their strengths can become liabilities in [different social situations](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/fight-flight-freeze-rejection-in-social-situations/). This makes it hard for some [kids to stay motivated](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-motivate-kids-academically-with-wifm-whats-in-it-for-them/) or even willing to try to make new friends. And for most of us, it’s true that the process of creating, maintaining, and developing a social circle is exhausting. So while our kids are often smart, funny, and original, many of them simply drift along, disconnected and isolated, even sometimes by choice. As a parent, it’s hard to know how to support your child when they seem to want connection, but they lack the motivation to put themselves out there. The balance gets even trickier as kids get older. Still, there are strategies you can use to help your child or teenager adjust their mindset, open themselves up to opportunities, and ultimately reframe their love hate relationship with being social. ## Here Are My Top 5 Ways to Help Your Kid Reframe Their Love-Hate Relationship with Being Social & Making Friends ### \#1 Get Curious! Ask Questions First Often, the first step of communicating more effectively with your kids is to stop telling them what you think they “should” do. Instead, start asking more questions. When you make assumptions about why your child is avoiding social situations, you risk misidentifying the problem. Without a clear idea of what is preventing your kid(s) from connecting, your well-intentioned advice may miss the mark. Start by asking open-ended questions to encourage your child to share details. Open-ended questions often start with the “5 Ws:” Who, What, Where, When, and Why. “What happens in the cafeteria?” “Who do you interact with?” “Where do you choose to sit? Why?”’ By getting curious, asking questions, and holding space for your kid to share, you can help them clarify why they feel the way they do. ### \#2 Validate Their Emotions, but Challenge the Stories As a parent of a child with ADHD, you very likely encounter attitudes of defeat. Children respond to ideas and encouragement with phrases like, “Why bother, I already tried that and it didn’t work.” or, “Kids don’t like me. What’s the point?” Statements like this can be broken down into two elements: an emotion, and a story the child is telling themselves. Take the statement: “Why bother, I already tried that and it didn’t work.” The first part of the statement “Why bother…” is led by your child’s past experience and defeat. The emotions behind it can range from sadness, to regret, to fear. All of which are heavy on your kid’s mind and heart. The second part of the statement “… I already tried that and it didn’t work.” is a ***story*** they are telling themselves about the past experience. It’s very likely that there are elements of this story that are true, but it’s also possible that there are parts of the story that are incomplete. To know what is really going on, you have to explore the story behind their feelings. #### Asking questions helps you get closer to what really went wrong and why you’re running into resistance. Ask questions such as: - What happened to make you feel this way? - Would you tell me more specifically what caused you to feel like you do? - What facts are out there that support the story in your mind? - What else could it be? By listening and then validating your child’s emotions while also gently pushing back on the story in their mind that is causing them to feel stuck, you encourage your kid to think about their past experiences in a new way. ### \#3 Celebrate Their Strengths Sometimes, kids avoid social situations because they don’t believe that they have much to offer a new friend. While words of affirmation and praise can make a difference, lots of kids need positive experiences to feel confident moving forward. One of the strengths ADHD kids have is “passionate interest” in the things they love. ADHD kids find great satisfaction and joy in pursuing their favorite hobbies, fandoms, interests and activities. Yet the super-skill of being passionately interested is not a skill that all kids have. Parents can encourage their kid’s interest and deepen their experiences by engaging with their interests. This could mean bringing your child to events like conventions and book signing, or connecting kids with local or online interest groups where they can interact with others and practice asking questions and conversing with strangers – with appropriate supervision of course! Or you can help your kid seek out (or start!) an interest-based social group, like a regular game night, book club, or viewing party. By supporting your kids in this way, you increase the odds of meeting other like-minded kids who share their interests. This shared activity makes it easier to make new friends and works wonders when your child is ready to [step out of their comfort zone](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-shy-children-make-friends/) socially. ### \#4 See the Big Picture Short-term letdowns, like a friend canceling plans or an awkward encounter with a peer, can be especially discouraging to ADHD kids. Once the initial strong emotion has passed (which may take a while, since ADHD brains take longer to re-regulate after an emotional trigger), help your child to take a bird’s eye view and look at the situation to see the big picture. This helps kids check their perspective and look beyond their individual disappointments to see the bigger picture. Ask them, “How have you interacted with this person in the past?” or “What happened or what evidence do you have that the person who behaved badly was really upset with you?” Teach your child that connecting with others is a practice, like cultivating a garden. We can plant great seeds, but we can’t control the weather. Your child can do their best to create conditions for friendships to develop, but some things are out of our control.As long as your child continues to follow their strengths and interests into places where they can connect with others, you increase the likelihood that these seeds of connection will develop into friendship. ### \#5 Acknowledge and Maintain Growth Although the term “late bloomer” is metaphorical, not medical, it does communicate something accurate about ADHD, Autistic, or other neurodivergent children. These conditions are all **neurodevelopmental disorders**, which means that the parts of the brain governing higher-order social skills take longer to develop. This is why many neurodivergent kids feel, and appear, “behind” socially. Even when your [kid feels behind with their social skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/7-social-skills-games-for-kids/), don’t give up. It’s important to acknowledge the growth you see and keep going. Whenever your child has any social, however small, it should be appreciated and reinforced. Building competence takes planning, repetition, and a lot of trial and error. By setting an example for your kids of a **growth mindset** (not a fixed mindset) you can help them progress closer toward their social goals. ## So How Did Things Go For Alex and Making New Friends? After several conversations with her parents and guidance counselor about his difficulties connecting with her peers, Alex felt open to trying a couple of new things. She changed an elective class to one that would introduce her to a wider range of students and she joined a school club and a community group that matched her interests. Today Alex is optimistic about the progress she is making. Her attitude about the future is more optimistic and she knows that connecting with her community and making friends is a life skill. One that will continue to develop through high school and beyond! Making friends is an important part of growing up. Watching your kids struggle with friendships is hard on everyone. Join me during [Friendship Week with Bright & Quirky](https://go.brightandquirky.com/t?orid=117877&opid=6) to explore all the ways you (and your very special child) can learn the skills of friendship so no one misses out on the joys of friendship as they get older. And if I can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out or follow me on [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) for more!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Making Friends, Uncategorized --- ### [Is Your Fear Of Not Having Friends Causing You To Be More Of A People Pleaser?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/people-pleasing-adhd-making-friends/) **Published:** May 4, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Does loneliness and fear of rejection cause adults and teenagers with ADHD to fall into people pleasing? Sadly, often the answer is yes. For many of us with ADHD, years of rejection, friendship struggles and generally feeling lonely or misunderstood often impacts how we approach making new friends. **We worry about things like:** Should I say no to the ***one*** person who is willing to hang out with me? Should I reject someone whose joke or values don’t match my own when they’re one of the few people inviting me to hang out with them? Should I try harder to make people like me so I actually feel like I have friends? All of these questions and internal dilemmas are very real for many people with ADHD, and often cause them to fall into the hidden trap of people pleasing. ## Here’s a Little More On People Pleasing ## So What Exactly is People Pleasing? [Psychologists](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-finesse/202003/what-is-people-pleasing) define people pleasing behaviors as “seeking the approval of other people” and “putting the needs of others before your own.” In certain circumstances, this may seem like normal, adaptable behavior, like when you have to compromise to get to an agreement. But, when it goes to an extreme or it happens at the expense of your own well-being, people-pleasing crosses into a territory that’s not great for your mental health. This is especially true when it comes to friendship because friends are meant to bring something truly special into your life. Healthy friendships are reciprocal and balanced so the needs of both people are met. In practical terms, friends do things that both of you like or you take turns picking activities, topics to talk about or ways to spend your time so everyone’s needs are met. In friendships where people pleasing tendencies exist, it can lead to behaviors like saying yes when you want to say no. Or engaging in activities that you really don’t enjoy so you have people around you. It can also mean you don’t get a turn or a say in picking where you hang out or feel like you’re stuck “always” doing something your friend wants out of fear of them not joining you in activities you like. If you have found yourself doing or saying things to please someone or get them to like you, you may be vulnerable to people pleasing behaviors. The good news is that once you see this, you can start to explore how you *really* want to behave in your relationships and make different choices. ## 4 Ways to Shift Away From **People Pleasing** in Friendship: 1. **Get to know yourself and the kind of friend you want to be to others**. What do you like and dislike to do? What is fun for you? What would you really like to avoid doing? What do you want and need from your friends? And what do you want to give to your friends? **When you encounter something or someone new, ask yourself these three questions:** Does this interest you? Do you want to do this activity? Does this serve your personal goals? *(When you get a “yes” you know the person/activity matches your friendship goals.) 2. **Set your own friendship goals.** Ask yourself what you want from your friends? Do you want people you can open up to and share your deepest secrets with? Or do you just want friends to hang out and have fun with? Do you like being around a lot of people or just a few? Knowing what you want from your friends helps you understand who different people are meant to be in your life. That helps you set healthy expectations around what your goals are for finding new friends in your life. 3. **Practice acting like the friend you want in your life.** If people-pleasing isn’t a behavior you want to have, look for ways that you accidentally say “yes” when you mean “no” or where you offer answers that are really not what you really agree with or feel. When you do things like you used to, practice taking back your words and correcting yourself so you do what you really want to, not to please someone else. **Try these phrases out to help:** “Oops, I accidentally said yes when I really can’t do that.” or “Hey thinking about that again, I really want/don’t want, can/can’t …” 4. **Build your confidence by practicing not giving the “right answer.”** Practice is what’s required to change any behavior and that applies here as well. When you feel the need well up inside to “make someone happy” by doing what they want, take a breath and pause before you act. Then, give your real answer, not the people-pleasing one. Practicing this and doing it overtime will help you build your confidence around speaking up, taking care of yourself. It will also help you to learn through experience that the “worst-case scenario” that you may be worried about, doesn’t always come true. This builds confidence and internal strength and it will reinforce trusting yourself which is a priceless skill to have. Learning to reduce people pleasing behaviors is a journey for most of us. But with practice, you will learn how to stand up for yourself and to speak from your heart with personal integrity. This reduces the fear so many of us have that we’ll be rejected by a potential friend. Because the truth is, it’s much better to find your real friends instead of being in relationships with people who are not quite your cup of tea. Learning that lesson when you’re young is invaluable but really, learning it at any age will change how you feel about yourself. This is how you get closer to friends who are a better match for you and how you want to spend your time and energy. For more videos like this, [please subscribe to my YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem). New videos go up weekly!  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD, Making Friends --- ### [If You're Inclined To Do Something Without Thinking, Here's How Impulsivity Can Affect Your Relationship](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/do-something-without-thinking/) **Published:** May 18, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As a person with ADHD, you have likely been called out in your life for being “impulsive.” I know I have. And it is such a common challenge that it is worth unpacking to explore how it affects relationships which are, in many cases, where it can have the biggest impact. For people like me who have a natural tendency to jump in quickly, sometimes without thinking things through, impulsivity is a trait to understand. From a technical standpoint, impulsivity often leads to making quick decisions or taking actions without fully thinking them through. This trait, while adding a dash of spontaneity to life, can significantly impact relationships. And, like all things in life, it has a good and not-so-good side to it. On one hand, impulsivity is the trait that leads us to do lovely things for people we care about like stopping on the side of the road to pick flowers for your beloved or calling in sick to spend a day with your kids, on the other hand it might mean you rush into friendships or impulsively respond to a text to your boss that goes sideways fast. It’s also the trait that can cause someone to jump into a conversation and offer an opinion without considering someone’s feelings or without knowing all the “facts” or details. Doing something without thinking might feel thrilling, but it can also lead to misunderstandings and feelings of instability between partners. Recognizing and addressing impulsivity and ADHD within the [dynamics of a relationship is important for nurturing a stable and understanding partnership](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-you-can-help-your-adhd-kid-by-understanding-a-theory-by-relationship-gurus-john-julie-gottman/). ## Why Are People With ADHD More Inclined To Be Impulsive? [People with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adhd-executive-function-and-social-challenges/) often display heightened impulsivity due to differences in brain function and structure, particularly in areas responsible for self-regulation, attention, and planning. The neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine, which play critical roles in attention and behavior control, are typically less active in the brains of individuals with ADHD. All of this technical information really means that the difference in an ADHD brain versus a non-ADHD brain is that the reward system inside of you leads you to act impulsively. Traits like “pausing before acting” or “considering the consequences of your actions” before acting are less active in an ADHD brain. None of this is your fault of course, it’s really a difference in how your brain (my brain) functions vs other people. You can read more about [brain science here](https://www.additudemag.com/neuroscience-of-adhd-brain/). What this means when it comes to ADHD and impulsivity is that for many people with ADHD, their brain leads them to behave impulsively because the reward system in your brain pulls you towards a desire for immediate gratification. Quick responses give your brain the dopamine it craves. This system of action and reward is operating inside of all of our brains in different ways all the time. And the dopamine reward system we’re talking about here is just one example of it. The point to all of this is that for the ADHD brain, the dopamine system is one action that drives impulsive decisions and actions. This is why the cultural belief that people with ADHD are more impulsive holds weight. I also think it’s important to note that [not everyone with ADHD is impulsive](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/understanding-black-and-white-thinking-adhd/). So if you’re reading this and thinking, “I am very methodical in my decision making” or “I never do things without thinking them through” your [ADHD may show up in different ways](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/10-ways-to-navigate-social-challenges-with-a-high-school-teen-with-adhd/). As we continue to research different brain types, we know that some people are more impulsive than others. But generally speaking, impulsivity and ADHD are commonly connected for many people. ## So Why Does This All Matter? Why Is Impulsive Behavior Hard On Relationships? Impulsive behavior can be tough on relationships because it introduces unpredictability and often leads to decisions that may not consider the needs or feelings of both partners. This unpredictability can cause stress and uncertainty, making it hard for partners to feel secure and trust each other fully. Acting without thinking may include sudden purchases or spontaneous decisions about significant life changes that lead to financial or emotional consequences that both partners may not be prepared for. Additionally, impulsivity can lead to communication breakdowns, as impulsive remarks or decisions might hurt feelings or show a lack of respect for the partner’s input. This pattern can diminish the sense of teamwork and partnership in a relationship, making it challenging to build a stable, supportive bond. ## Long-Term Effects of ADHD Impulsivity on Relationships The impulsive behaviors associated with ADHD can have significant long-term effects on both personal and professional relationships: ### Challenges in Maintaining Stable Relationships Impulsivity can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, as spontaneous decisions may not consider the needs or feelings of others. This can strain relationships over time, leading to frequent arguments or breakdowns in communication. ### Professional Setbacks In the workplace, impulsivity can manifest as poor decision-making or difficulty adhering to projects and deadlines. This can hinder career progression and affect professional relationships, especially if colleagues perceive these behaviors as unreliability or unprofessionalism. ### Social Isolation Individuals with ADHD may struggle with social cues and maintaining friendships due to their impulsive actions. Over time, this can lead to social withdrawal or isolation, as peers may be less willing to engage with someone they see as unpredictable or difficult to understand. ### Impact on Family Dynamics Family members might also bear the brunt of impulsive behaviors, which can lead to long-term tension and stress within the family unit. This can be particularly challenging for spouses and children who live day-to-day with these dynamics. ### Compromised Financial Stability Impulsive spending or financial decisions can lead to significant stress and instability. Over time, this can accumulate, resulting in long-term financial insecurity or conflicts over money management within relationships. ## Is Impulsive Behavior Ever Good For A Relationship? Yes, impulsivity and relationships can sometimes go hand-in-hand positively. Acting impulsively can introduce spontaneity and excitement, keeping the relationship vibrant and engaging. Surprising gestures, like impromptu trips or unexpected gifts, can enhance emotional bonding and create joyful memories together. These random actions can also demonstrate affection and appreciation in a fun and lively way, contributing positively to the relationship’s emotional climate. However, the key is balance. While impulsive actions can add fun and spontaneity, they should be balanced with thoughtful decision-making and consideration of both partners’ feelings and needs. When done thoughtfully, impulsivity can help maintain the spark in a relationship, making it feel fresh and exciting. ## If It’s Having A Negative Effect, What Can You Do To Manage or Reduce Impulsive Behaviors? To manage or avoid being impulsive, especially when it negatively affects your relationship can be tricky. However, the good news is that it can be taken care of if you adopt the following practical strategies: ### Take a Breath/Pause Before Acting This simple technique *(that is easier written in this article than done in real life)* allows you to create a moment of reflection before making decisions. By implementing a brief pause, you give yourself the opportunity to think about the potential impacts of your actions on your relationship. This can help prevent decisions that you might regret later. Pausing is a goal to strive for, very few people get this “right” just because someone told them to do it. Thinking about this as something to work toward, not a “one and done.” ### Meditate if You Have More Time Regular meditation enhances mindfulness and increases self-awareness, which are crucial for controlling impulsive behaviors. By meditating, you train your brain to focus and resist the urge to act immediately, allowing you to respond more thoughtfully in various situations. ### Exercise Physical activity is not only good for your health but also for your mental well-being. It helps release endorphins, which improve your mood, and it increases the overall capacity of your brain to handle stress. This can reduce the likelihood of responding impulsively in stressful situations. ### Don’t Engage In Tough Discussions or Emotional Conversations When You’re In H.A.L.T (Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) Addressing significant issues in these vulnerable states can lead to poor judgment and impulsive reactions. Ensure you are in a balanced emotional and physical state before tackling serious conversations. This can prevent conflicts that arise from impulsive remarks or decisions. ### Make a List of Your Feelings Before Talking About Them By organizing your thoughts and emotions on paper, you gain clarity and can approach discussions more calmly and logically. This preparation helps in articulating your feelings without the impulsivity that might come from emotional overwhelm. If you’re someone who isn’t aware of your feelings at the moment they occur, then you can make this list at the end of your day or at a less stressful time in reflection of what happened. Both work because the goal is to raise your awareness so you start to notice what happens for you inside when different experiences occur. ### Start To Notice Your Patterns So You See Hidden Traps That Cause You To Act Impulsively As you work on understanding your impulsive behaviors, it’s super helpful to start to see patterns. For example, what people, situations or experiences cause you to “react” vs “act”? You can start to do this by simply noticing your patterns, and you can even make a list so you have something to reflect on when new situations happen. By identifying patterns, you can develop strategies to avoid these triggers or handle them better when they occur. ## Take A Look At Your Own Sensitive Spots So You Manage Your Impulsive Reactions That Really Come From Past Hurts Or Unresolved Issues With Your Partner Addressing personal sensitivities and unresolved issues is essential for managing impulsive reactions in a relationship, as these often stem from deeper emotional triggers. Here’s how you can approach this: 1. **Identify Your Triggers** Start by recognizing the situations, comments, or actions that elicit a strong emotional response. These are often tied to past experiences or unresolved issues. Understanding what triggers your impulsive reactions can help you prepare and respond more thoughtfully. 2. **Reflect on the Origins** Once you have identified your triggers, reflect on why these particular issues affect you so deeply. This often involves looking back at past hurts or unresolved conflicts, either from your current relationship or from previous experiences in your life. 3. **Communicate Openly With Your Partner** Share your findings with your partner. Discussing your sensitive spots can help them understand your reactions better, fostering empathy and support within the relationship. This communication should be done calmly and when both partners are receptive and not under stress. 4. **Develop Coping Strategies** Work on strategies that can help you manage emotional responses in the moment. This might include techniques like deep breathing, taking a timeout, or using positive self-talk to calm down before responding. 5. **Practice Self-Compassion** Be kind to yourself throughout this process. Recognizing and addressing sensitive spots can be challenging and emotionally taxing. Self-compassion can ease the journey and prevent harsh self-judgment, which can trigger impulsiveness. 6. **Seek Professional Help If Needed** If you find it challenging to manage these sensitive spots on your own, consider seeking help from a therapist. Professional guidance can be invaluable in working through [deep-seated emotional issues](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-ways-to-use-social-emotional-learning/) and learning healthier ways to cope with them. By actively working on these areas, you can reduce the impact of past hurts on your current interactions, leading to more deliberate and constructive responses instead of impulsive reactions. ## Practice Makes Habit “Practice makes habit” is a powerful adage, especially when it comes to managing impulsive behaviors and emotional reactions. Regularly practicing new behaviors and strategies helps to solidify them into habits, making them more automatic responses over time. This approach is critical in the context of [emotional regulation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/triggers-and-emotional-regulation/) and interpersonal relationships, where consistent efforts to pause, reflect, and choose a thoughtful response over an impulsive one can significantly improve the quality of interactions. As these practices become habitual, they not only ease personal stress but also enhance mutual understanding and respect within a relationship. Managing impulsivity in relationships requires self-awareness, open communication, and consistent practice of effective strategies. By understanding your triggers, addressing past hurts, and cultivating healthy habits, you can significantly reduce impulsive reactions and foster a more stable and nurturing partnership. Remember, the journey to better emotional regulation is ongoing, and each step you take builds a stronger foundation for a fulfilling relationship. Please [follow my YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) for more on ADHD and friendship. And if I can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. ## How Impulsivity Can Affect Your Relationship: Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) 1. **Why is it important to recognize impulsivity linked to ADHD in relationships?** Recognizing impulsivity linked to ADHD is crucial because it can inform more empathetic and understanding responses from both partners. It helps in distinguishing behaviors that are symptomatic rather than intentional, fostering a more supportive environment to work on managing these impulses together. 2. **How can making lists of feelings and behaviors help in managing impulsivity?** Making lists helps by providing a clearer perspective on your emotional state and impulsive patterns. By writing down feelings and behaviors, you gain insight into what triggers your impulsivity and how you react in different situations. This self-awareness is key to developing strategies to control these impulses effectively. 3. **Is it possible for impulsive behavior to change permanently in a relationship?** Yes, impulsive behavior can change with consistent effort and the right strategies. Change involves learning to recognize triggers, practicing self-control techniques, and possibly seeking professional help. With dedication and support, individuals can develop healthier response mechanisms, leading to more stable and fulfilling relationships.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD --- ### [How To Help A Child With Anxiety Make New Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-a-child-with-anxiety-make-new-friends/) **Published:** June 21, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Making friends is an essential part of growing up. It gives kids the opportunity to develop social skills, empathy, and a sense of community. Friendships also contribute significantly to a child’s emotional well-being and their self confidence. However, for children struggling with anxiety, the process of forming new friendships can be fraught with challenges. This cycle of anxiety and avoidance can be difficult to break without understanding and intervention from educators and caregivers. ## Understanding How Anxiety Affects Making Friends Anxiety has an impact on kids and adults alike. And because the purpose of anxiety is to protect us from harm, feeling anxious around making friends can stunt the process entirely affecting a kid’s willingness to approach peers, initiate conversations, or participate in group activities, all of which can result in causing a child to feel isolated and alone. Anxiety often manifests as excessive worry, fear of negative judgment, and social awkwardness with peers and new friends. As these feelings arise, kids can start to feel overwhelmed and disinterested in making new friends. Children with anxiety may also experience physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, or a rapid heartbeat when faced with social interactions. These symptoms can further discourage them from participating in activities where they could possibly make a new friend. In some cases, their anxious thoughts might lead them to believe that they are unlikable or that others will reject them, and cause kids to withdraw from social opportunities altogether. And while the child may want the “outcome” of friends (belonging, feeling comfortable in their own skin, community and so on) their anxious feelings are “bigger” than their desire to be a part of the “in crowd” or picked for the team. Feeling anxious about making friends is a conundrum on many levels. ## What To Address First, Making Friends or Anxiety? To help a child with anxiety make friends, it is important to address their anxiety first. Anxiety is a dominant barrier to [social engagements](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-with-executive-function-weakness-engage-socially/), and attempting to push a child into social situations without first managing their anxiety can be counterproductive. ### Let’s Start With Anxiety Before focusing on social skills, create a safe and supportive environment for the child that helps them build trust and security. This involves validating their feelings, listening to their concerns, and providing reassurance. A child who feels understood and supported is more likely to take small steps towards overcoming their anxiety. As an SEL (social emotional learning) coach for many years and an ADHD coach, what I want you to really hear is that this process takes time. As adults, we can sometimes “grin and bear it” and push through the worries we feel. Kids don’t have our brains nor do they have our experience with positive outcomes so their fears are multiplied by the unknown. Will this work out? Will I get picked for a team? Will they like me? All of these questions are being asked from a young mind that does not know the outcome, they’re merely worried about the possible outcomes and that scary monster can be very big in their minds. So, it’s important to be patient as you help kids navigate their anxious feelings. Next, you want to equip the child with techniques to manage their anxiety by teaching them effective coping strategies. There are many different breathing exercises, [mindfulness practices](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-practice-mindfulness-and-self-care/), and positive self-talk skills that can help them handle anxious thoughts with greater ease over time and with practice. And remember, you’re probably already exposing your child to social situations naturally. The advice is to start with low-pressure environments where the child can interact with others without feeling overwhelmed. This helps them [build confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/comfortable-in-your-own-skin/) and can be accomplished at family gatherings or play dates with one or two peers. ### Integrating Friendship Skills Once the child’s anxiety is more manageable, focus on developing [social skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/intimacy-and-relationships/) and opportunities for making friends. For instance they may be open to role-playing scenarios with you. Practicing social interactions can help a child learn how to make a new friend, initiate conversations, and respond to others. Enroll your child in activities that match their interests, such as sports, clubs, or arts programs. Encouraging group activities and shared interests can provide a natural basis for forming friendships and reduce the pressure of making [small talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/). As their primary (or one of their main) role models it’s important to demonstrate effective social skills yourself and positive body language. Children often learn by observing adults, so modeling friendly, open, and positive social behavior can provide them with a blueprint for their interactions. ## Why Are Children Anxious Around New People? Parents often ask me “why are children worried around new people?” Let me tell you, it’s more common than you know. Understanding the root causes of why children may feel anxious around new people is key to addressing their fears and helping them build social confidence. Several factors contribute towards their feeling anxious, including developmental, psychological, and environmental influences. ### Developmental Factors Some children are [naturally shy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-shy-children-make-friends/). Their temperament can make [new social interactions challenging](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/want-less-stress-with-your-socially-challenged-teen-learn-to-see-the-little-wins/) as they may feel overwhelmed by unfamiliar people. Younger children often experience separation anxiety and fear of strangers. As children grow and develop, both of these “young” anxieties diminish, but they can persist or evolve into social anxiety as they mature if it’s not addressed or nurtured. ### Psychological Factors Many children worry about how others perceive them. They may fear being judged, or criticized, hence feeling nervous in social settings. Bear in mind that this fear can be more pronounced if they have had negative experiences in the past. A lack of confidence in their social skills or self-worth can make children hesitant to interact with new people. They may doubt their ability to make friends, which causes them to withdraw socially and not initiate contact with new people. ### Environmental Factors Past experiences, such as bullying or humiliation, can impact a child’s willingness to engage with new friends. These negative memories can create a lasting fear of similar outcomes in future social interchanges. Limited opportunities for social interaction can also hinder the development of social skills and increase anxiety. Children who have not had many chances to interact with people may feel unsure and anxious in new social circumstances. ### Biological Factors Anxiety or feeling nervous can run in families, suggesting a genetic predisposition. Children with a family history of anxiety disorders are more prone to an experience of anxiety themselves. Whether this is a learned behavior or one that can be measured in the brain remains a topic for science and research, That said, we do know that imbalances in neurotransmitters, [such as serotonin and dopamine](https://www.childrenshospital.org/conditions/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad), can contribute to anxiety disorders, mood regulation and stress responses, all of which can show up in a child as anxiety. If you sense this is going on for your child, it’s a great instinct to explore. Talk to your pediatrician or your child’s therapist to share your thoughts and see what can be done to help. ## What Are The Signs Your Child Is Nervous With Other Kids? Recognizing the signs that a child is feeling anxious around other kids is essential for providing timely support. Children may not always verbalize their feelings, but their behaviors and physical symptoms can offer important clues. And of course, this is not a diagnosis but really a set of clues to look at. The most important signal is your own “knowing” of the child. That’s all that’s required to ask lovingly how they are and to explore your instincts. Here are some common signs that a child may be experiencing nervousness in social situations: ### Behavioral Signs 1. **Avoidance** The child may avoid social interactions altogether. This could include refusing to attend social events, or opting to play alone rather than with peers. 2. **Clinging to Adults** Nervous children often seek the comfort and security of a familiar adult. They may cling to [parents](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parent-coaching/), teachers, or caregivers and be reluctant to venture away from them. 3. **Minimal Talking** The child might become unusually quiet around other kids, avoiding conversations or responding with minimal words and may appear shy or reluctant to engage in dialogue. ### Physical Signs 1. **Fidgeting** Nervous children often exhibit physical signs of anxiety such as fidgeting, tapping their feet, or shifting their weight from one foot to the other. 2. **Avoiding Eye Contact** Difficulty maintaining eye contact can be a clear indicator of discomfort and nervousness around others. 3. **Sweating or Trembling** Visible signs of anxiety, such as sweating, trembling, or a shaky voice, may appear when the child is particularly anxious. 4. **Stomach Aches** Anxiety can manifest physically, leading to complaints of stomach aches, headaches, or feeling unwell, especially before social events. 5. **Changes in Appetite or Sleep Patterns** Increased anxiety can affect a child’s appetite and sleep. They may eat less or more than usual and have trouble falling asleep. ### Emotional Signs 1. **Irritability or Moodiness** Anxiety can cause mood changes, leading to irritability, moodiness, or sudden emotional outbursts. 2. **Expressing Fear or Worry** The child might explicitly express [fears about social situations](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/fight-flight-freeze-rejection-in-social-situations/), such as worrying about being judged, or making mistakes in front of others. ## 3 Practical Ways To Help While screening for anxiety to help a child with anxiety disorders make new friends requires a thoughtful and supportive approach. ### 1. Validate Your Child’s Experience - Listen Actively: Encourage your child to share their feelings without interruption. - Acknowledge Feelings: Use empathetic statements like, “It’s okay to feel nervous.” - Share Your Experiences: Relate to their feelings by sharing similar experiences, if appropriate. ### 2. Help Them Explore Unhelpful Thinking - Identify Negative Thoughts: Encourage your child to articulate their worries. - Challenge These Thoughts: Ask questions to help them see their thoughts as less threatening. - Encourage Positive Reframing: Teach them to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. ### 3. Explore Therapy When Needed - Seek a Qualified Therapist: Look for a [therapist](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) specializing in childhood anxiety, especially in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). - Participate in Therapy: Engage in sessions to learn how to support your child. - Consider Group Therapy: Provide a supportive environment for practicing social skills. - Monitor Progress: Regularly check in with the therapist and celebrate small victories. ## Reduce The Pressure To Make A New Friend Reducing the pressure to make new friends can help alleviate a child’s anxiety and foster more comfortable social interactions. Focus on involving your child in activities they enjoy, where social engagement is a byproduct rather than the main goal, such as hobbies, classes or sports. Moreover, emphasize the importance of quality over quantity by encouraging them to build one meaningful relationship at a time in familiar settings like attending family or community events. Remember to provide positive reinforcement for their efforts, regardless of the outcome. ## Read The Room & See When Your Kid Wants You To Give Them Space With A New Friend Understanding when to step back and give your child space is vital in helping kids develop independence and confidence in social engagements. Pay close attention to their body language and cues, such as a relaxed posture, smiling and engaging in conversation, which indicate comfort and readiness for more autonomy. Start by giving them short intervals of space, gradually increasing the time as they become more comfortable. Positive reinforcement after these intervals can build their confidence while asking your child how they feel about your presence during engagements and respecting their preferences, empowers them to ask for help or space as needed. Likewise, be mindful of signs that your child might feel overwhelmed, such as withdrawing, or fidgeting. In these cases, your presence might still be necessary. Allow your child to set the pace for gaining independence, recognizing that some may need more time and reassurance than others. By balancing observation with gradual encouragement and maintaining open communication, you can effectively gauge when to give your child space, fostering their confidence and social skills while ensuring they feel supported and secure. ## Practice, Practice, Practice Needless to say, consistent practice is key to helping your child build social skills and overcome anxiety. By creating regular opportunities for engagement with peers, such as enrolling them in group activities, they can gradually develop the confidence necessary to feel at ease in social settings. Supporting a child with anxiety in making new friends requires patience, understanding, and consistent effort. By addressing their anxiety, validating their experiences, and providing opportunities for practice, parents and caregivers can empower children to develop the social skills and confidence needed to thrive in social situations. On my YouTube channel there are lots of videos to help. And, if you need a coach to support your child or family, the ADD Coach Academy has many trained coaches to help- [look for the FAM trained coaches in the directory](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-directory/).  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Making Friends --- ### [My Child Can’t Make Friends & Keep Them - Is Something Wrong?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-child-cant-make-friends-amp-keep-them-what-is-wrong-with-her/) **Published:** July 9, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** By [Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. PCC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/about) It’s a parent’s worst nightmare when your kid comes home from camp or school and says, “Why can’t I make friends?” As much as we wish we had the magic answer to soothe their pain, when your son or daughter tells you they have no friends, it hurts everyone. As the parent, it’s normal to wonder if there was a lesson you missed teaching or something else you could have done. And for your child, the pain of being left out, passed over or simply feeling awkward around other kids is in itself, quite a challenge. If you’re in the place of worrying and wondering why your child can’t make friends, I can help. To begin with… ## No Child Should Struggle To Make a Friend Parents are often concerned about how ADHD impacts schooling and homework, but really, making a friend is what’s on your child’s mind. Years ago, when I told the eight-year-old sitting in my office that there was a possibility that if he learned how to change his approach that he could make more friends, he beamed! That was my motivation to ensure that no child would ever need to struggle alone to make a friend. From that experience, the *Play Better Plan* and my book, [*Why Will No One Play With Me* ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)were born. So here’s the truth: as much as you love your child, you know that they can’t spend every Saturday night with you for rest of their childhood. Even with your kid’s flaws, you also know their funny, loveable, quirky, silly, tenacious, energetic, curious and sweet side. This is the part of your kid you wish everyone could see. As parents, getting your kid 24/7, 365 means you get it all. The good, the bad and the “I can’t believe he just said that or she just did that” as well. ## So why is it so hard for our little darlings to make friends? Outside of your watchful eye, your kid experiences the pressures and demands of the world around them. Under those pressures, kids react instinctively, intuitively, and most importantly, how their brain is wired to respond. **If your child has ADHD, you’ve likely seen some of these common ADHD traits:** - Fidgeting and trouble sitting still - Talking loudly or without awareness of others in the room - Masking and other “cover-up” skills - Black and white or all-or-nothing thinking - Doing something without thinking - Difficulty reading the room or following social cues - Hyper-focus or deep levels of concentration at certain times or in certain activities - Seemingly little things bother them and they struggle to “let it go” - Social awkwardness or struggles to make “small talk” with new acquaintances These ADHD traits and others are at the root of why it’s hard for kids to make friends. That said, many of these traits ease with age, practice, coaching and skill development. Having a child with ADHD means that their brain requires different ways of learning how to be social. It doesn’t mean that they can’t be social, or that they will never make friends. Adjusting your thinking as a parent and moving away from your mindset that tells you things like, “I didn’t struggle this way” or “making friends should be natural” will help you feel less frustrated and more positive about the future you want for your kid. As a long-time ADHD coach, there are a handful of things to remember. ## \#1 Social Skills Don’t *Always* Come Naturally Child development experts describe children who have a hard time understanding social cues and managing their behavior as having “social skills deficits” or weaknesses. It is hard for kids with these under-developed parts of their brain to read social cues accurately or understand the unspoken rules of social relationships or play. It is hard for them to adapt their behavior in response to other kids or as a play situation changes. Without those skills, it is hard to make a friend. ## \#2 Your Child’s “Social Hub” In Their Brain Is Unevenly Developed [Social skills weaknesses](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/improve-social-skills-in-a-child-with-learning-differences/) are caused by a wide variety of factors, but the most common is that the brain’s network of [executive functions](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-build-social-executive-function/) is unevenly developed. Executive function is the hub of skills that include attention, memory, organization, planning, critical-thinking skills, self-regulation, meta cognition (the big-picture, birds-eye view), and the ability to modify our behavior in response to others to achieve a goal. These are the basic skills every child needs to function well in the social world. In a nutshell, if a child’s executive function social skills are weak, then he or she will have a harder time understanding and managing social interactions. These problems show up in: - what children pay attention to in a social setting - what they notice about their friends’ needs and reactions - how they react and respond to their friends needs, reactions and feelings - how they respond to disappointment and manage other emotions - how they think about friendship - how they react to new or shifting social situations ## \#3 Play is the first, and most natural, thing kids do Playing, whether with friends or on their own, is a kid’s natural basis for learning. It’s also a critical way kids learn to do hard things like make a friend. Social behavior is best learned by playing with others. But when your child does not naturally understand how to make friends, then he or she she needs direct instruction and coaching to learn how to make friends. ### The Play Paradox- Less Play Time = Fewer Social Skills Today, children don’t get as many spontaneous social interactions as kid’s of my generation did. Whether it’s fewer minutes on the playground or gym class or less “goofing around” at sports or clubs, kids get, on average [25% less play or unstructured play time than they did 30 years ago](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/485902). This loss has children in many ways as [this article in the Journal of American Medical Association shares](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/485902), including creativity and friendship. Without the time to learn naturally through “practice time” how to make friends, it is harder and harder for kids who don’t seek out friendship on their own. As kids get older, these same kids are at risk of becoming socially isolated and genuinely less motivated to do something hard like a make a new friend. Skills that were easily developed as a child through play time are harder in middle and high school when clicks and cohorts are in place. The good news is that [social skills can be developed](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/encourage-social-skills-development/) just like any other skill. Scientists have discovered that when children with social challenges engage in skill-building activities on a consistent basis, they can learn to interact effectively with other in a social setting. No matter how hopeless you feel today, your child’s friendship challenges are far from insurmountable. With your help and guidance, your child can build social awareness, improve executive function skills, and learn how to make and keep friends. ## How Will Coaching Help My Child? As a parent, you are on the front lines trying to help you child with social dilemmas. You can add to your list of resources friendship coaching or ADHD coaching to help your child learn how to make friends. Coaching is the process of teaching and practicing social skills with your child. When you engage with a coach or you coach your child yourself, you are helping them with the basic skills they need to make a friend. It’s no different from coaching your kid to ride a bike, dunk a basketball or to play an instrument. Practice and repetition with positive feedback are the tools you need. As the coach you model the rules of the game and then observe your player offering positive feedback and encouragement along the way. That said, coaching your kid is not always easy. Past criticism, frustration and expectations about your child’s ability to “do something well” can interfere with being an “objective” coach. If that’s the case, we have lots of [ADHD coaches](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/need-a-coach/) you can explore working with. Sometimes a neutral third-party is best. ## Just Remember, If They Could, They Would Children with social skills weaknesses need help learning basic skills to participate socially so the learn how to make friends without worrying about being rejected or making a mistake. When your child seem oblivious to the feelings of others or to the way his behavior affects how they treat him, it might seem logical to lecture longer or louder until they get it. That rarely works. To see different results, you need to shift your approach. Thankfully, the shift is easier than you think. Coaching your child to better social skills is not complicated or hard. As a parent who is always on the front lines with your child, you get to see first hand the friendship opportunities in front of your child. Engaging the teachable on-the-spot moments is what makes a parent’s coaching so valuable. After all, “Coach” at the end of the day is just another word for a “parent with a game plan”. If you run into trouble, don’t hesitate to reach out. Please [follow me on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/) for more insights and [join my newsletter list](https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/su/0OIxUyx/Welcome) for extra goodies and support.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Making Friends --- ### [How To Help Your Socially Awkward Kid When They Don't Socialize Well With Others](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parent-of-the-awkward-kid-who-cant-seem-to-socialize-well-with-others/) **Published:** August 1, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As a parent, watching your kids navigate socializing with others can be hard. Especially if your kid appears socially awkward in some way. It’s not a simple formula here. As kids mature, their social skills change. Habit, practice, environment and their internal body chemistry all play a role. Neurodiverse kids, meaning kids with ADHD, autism, learning disability etc, may take longer to gain skills than their peers. As much as I wish I could tell you that there is a formula for social skills, the truth is there are a myriad of formulas. You just need to find what works for your kid. The other part to consider before we get into how to help a socially awkward kid is parents and how they react. On the socially awkward spectrum, as a parent you may cringe at your kid’s behavior or want to cry out of empathy. The truth is kids do silly things. They may say something inappropriate or blurt something out and as a parent you wish they “knew better”. Or they may get rejected and you want to pull them into a hug to make all the pain go away. The other consideration is learning differences that affect your child’s ability to process information and read the social settings around them. This can be anything from a learning disability to autism, ADHD and more. The impact that each diagnosis has on your child’s ability to feel comfortable, safe and capable in social settings is unique to every child. Yours included. Growing up isn’t easy when your body, hormones, brain, friends, family and outside world seem to constantly be in flux. If you’re worried the pain of being the “odd” kid or being different is affecting your child, here’s how I help my clients suss out what’s going on and steps to take to find some relief. ## Socializing may come naturally to some, but it definitely doesn’t come easily to others. If you feel like your child or teen is the socially awkward kid, you first have to investigate fact from fiction. Social markers from 20 years ago are not the same as what we see today as “good” or “problematic” behaviors today. One of the clearest indicator of this is eye contact. When I was growing up, it was considered disrespectful to not make eye contact when speaking to someone. Today, we know that there are many reasons kids avoid eye contact, most of which have nothing to do with respect. [Research has emerged that eye contact is painful for some neurodivergent kids](https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0265798) and it negatively affects their well-being. Therefore, it’s not something we should insist that they do. As parents, learning how to read your child and their behavior is almost a full time job. But, when you know what’s going on, if you’re seeing an actual problem or a phase, you will have a stronger sense of when your child is at risk. When you know what’s really going on, you can help your child with social awkwardness the best way possible. ### **Introverted, Socially Anxious or Socially Awkward?** One of the most common misconceptions many parents have is separating the behaviors of an introverted child from those of a kid who is socially awkward versus socially anxious. Your child may have one, two or all three of these traits so figuring out the driving force behind their actions is important. ### Introversion A kid who is introverted recharges by being alone or in small groups. They thrive being alone and do not seek out friend groups or social activities in the same way that extroverts do. If your child wants to be alone more than with other people, it’s not necessarily a sign of social awkwardness, although introverted kids can, at times, be less confident being social simply because they have less practice. For an introverted kid, finding social environments they enjoy is key so they can practice being with new friends and in new situations. And as with every new or rusty skill, things get better over time. I would encourage patience so you can really see if there’s more nervousness or anxiety underneath. Your first read isn’t likely to be 100% accurate when your child is a natural introvert and thankfully, most introverted kids thrive in their element especially if their behavior is led by an innate enjoyment of being alone. ### Social Anxiety Social anxiety is a psychological diagnosis and one that you want to seek professional help to obtain. If you see your child displaying typical anxiety symptoms ([intense fear when away from home, family, parents or doing new or unfamiliar things](https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/depression.html)) this usually warrants seeing a psychologist or counselor to get to the root of what’s going on. Social anxiety is often quite disruptive and something that parents see quickly when they are connected to their kids. It is also something that can come on based on events or circumstances – changing schools, being bullied, losing a friend are just a few. If you’re worried your child has social anxiety, this is a great topic to seek out support for. Most therapists offer consultations and you would want someone who specialized in anxiety if at all possible. ### Social Awkwardness On a related, yet different, plane is social awkwardness. A socially awkward kid may **hesitates to initiate a conversation, allow themselves to be treated badly by a friend or desperately relies on one friend** for approval or attention. Socially awkward kids often struggle when the friendship dynamics change. This could be a new friend coming into the group, a friend leaving the group or the power dynamic in a friendship changing. And, of course, there’s maturity. Kids go through awkward times as they get older, heck so do adults. The truth is, your child’s social awkwardness may just be a phase and something they grow out of over time. ### There also appears to be a correlation **– not a causation –** between confidence and awkwardness that is worth considering. - Does your kid’s awkward behavior show up when he or she tries on a new skill or a new friend? - Do you see it more at the start of the school year vs the middle of the year? - Does it show up again after holiday breaks only to recede quickly once the routine is reestablished? - Do the same awkward behaviors reduce over time or with practice? The good news is that social skills, just like any other life skill, can be practiced and improved at any age. The less good-news is that if awkwardness is not successfully addressed, it can solidify and continue. If you know your child and can see that the upcoming school year, activities, holidays and changes will spark their awkward behavior, here are a few tips I coach parents with that may help. ## **9 Tips to Help the Socially Awkward Kid Socialize** Better With Their Peers 1. **Early intervention** – Keep an eye out for how your child interacts with others across a variety of settings. You may not notice anything at home, but perhaps on the playground or with neighbors you see an area of potential concern. If you notice a [problem](https://nam11.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.familyfriendlyhq.ie%2Fsecondary-school%2Fthings-youll-notice-about-your-teenager-that-theyll-deny-8548%2F&data=04%7C01%7C%7C2308b243ab124009800008d99ae7fd44%7Cca040cbf76a84d9384ef6538485eaee4%7C0%7C0%7C637711143494370357%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C1000&sdata=UQf8lcw0WNfHVZ5%2FS%2F4ICRBafXoJtHcHXsJDavXLyWw%3D&reserved=0), the best thing you can do is talk to your child and try to understand their perspective. Be curious, use open-ended questions and work collaboratively on solutions. 2. **Build basic skills for getting along** **with others** – Include your child in social occasions, holidays, events and dinners. Have them practice the skill of being a Social Spy to practice reading the room and seeing how well they can guess/anticipate what others are feeling. Teaching social skills can happen when kids are quite young so don’t think it’s necessary to wait until they’re ready for sleepovers or asking someone to the prom. Starting early is helpful for everyone and gives lots and lots of time for patience and practice. 3. **Collaborate** **with your child vs telling them what to do** – Remember when I said about that some parents cringe and others cry? It’s true that witnessing your kid’s painful moments are hard on you too and in some cases, parent’s react and move into “fix it” mode. This rarely works. Instead, it’s important to work together to help your child adjust their behaviors vs getting upset and “telling them what t do.” Try to avoid nagging, yelling, or punishing and instead practice taking little steps to adjust behaviors. For example, if you want to help your child make a friend, show them how to simplify the process of connecting with another person. This helps demystify the process and makes it less intimidating and complicated. 4. **Practice making chit chat** – Knowing that you can bridge from one topic to another and make conversation is not just an art, it’s a necessity. Chit chat and conversation help us connect with people and make friends and find out about people so we can nurture that friendship. Some awkward kids struggle to make conversation. Practice talking at dinner by asking your child to add to a conversation and let them have their moment. Once this feels comfortable, try this again in a more risky setting like a family party or public event like soccer practice. The key here is practice, practice, practice. 5. **Teach kids to identify how they want to be treated** – Explain what qualities to look for in a friendship. This will help them be discerning and not just settle for anyone who gives them the slightest attention or to banish those who might make a single mistake. *Ask your child what they want out of their friendships? How do they want to be treated? What makes a friendship enjoyable?* 6. **Talk openly** – When the opportunity arises, ask about their friends and their experience in school. Listen and discuss what they like, dislike and what they want more or less of with their friends. 7. **Personal hygiene** – This is so important because kids are big on first impressions. Clean kids avoid the harsh ridicule of their peers especially when puberty sets in. And as much as you may believe that your older kid shouldn’t need regular reminders, many do – especially kids with executive function challenges. Brushing teeth, showering, washing clothes, etc. are important to ensure your child is not needlessly targeted. 8. **Model joining a group and engaging with people** – Demonstrate how to reach out to other people and nurture relationships. Talk about how to approach a group of people. Role play and rehearse with family members or at a party with close friends where your child can practice walking up to someone, saying hello and physically joining a circle of people and a conversation. 9. **Participate in “Third Spaces”** – [Third spaces](https://esl.uchicago.edu/2023/11/01/third-places-what-are-they-and-why-are-they-important-to-american-culture/) are incredibly important as kids get older because they offer a salve to everyday life. Third spaces as thought of as “in-between” spaces; they’re not work or school, nor are they home. They are the activities we go to that provide opportunities for socializing in a low pressure way. Why? Because usually third spaces are organized around a natural interest your child has such as soccer, karate, chess club, drama club, church/synagogue/mosque… really any activity that they participate in for the love of participating. Socialization happens much more easily there because you have an intermediary topic to talk about – the activity. This removes the pressure to “be social” and instead your child can play and talk about the things they naturally love to do. ## Still Worried About Your Child’s Ability To Socialize Well with Others? If after reading all of this you’re still concerned it’s understandable. Transitioning from a socially awkward kid to one who is comfortable in crowds may never fully happen, and that’s OK. Consider what your child needs to thrive, and work on that. Social skills are just that, skills. They can be honed, learned and practiced, but I dare say, never fully perfected. Even the most powerful speakers of our time have social foibles. The key is to get back up and try again. If there’s anything more I can do to help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Social Skills Development --- ### [Helping Kids with Executive Functioning as the New School Year Starts](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/executive-functioning-skills-start-school/) **Published:** August 9, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As the carefree days of summer draw to a close, children and parents alike are gearing up for the return to school. This time of year can be incredibly exciting, full of possibilities and new beginnings. However, for kids with executive functioning challenges, the transition can also be a bit daunting. And it’s not just hard on the kids, it’s hard on parents as well. Whether you’re a family with one or more kids with ADHD, or you have it yourself, managing the transition from one set of routines to another takes patience. It’s wise to expect that this time of year can be a little messy. If you adopt an attitude of “doing your best” you will weather the transition with more grace and less stress. Below are the ways I have approached school transitions with my family and my clients. Because kids have different skill sets, the suggestions are broken down based on age, but if you feel your child is not yet ready for the more advanced skills, just drop back and try on the ones recommended for younger kids. The truth is that all of it helps. This list is one you can bookmark and come back to time and again as your routines change. It’s also helpful for “mini transitions” like holiday breaks or vacations. ## **Understanding Executive Functioning** Let’s start on the same page by [defining executive functioning](https://www.understood.org/en/articles/what-is-executive-function). Executive functioning refers to the set of mental skills that help us manage time, pay attention, switch focus, organize, plan and remember details. Think of it as the [brain’s command center](https://sproutsschools.com/executive-function-your-brains-control-center/). While some kids naturally excel at these skills, others may need a little extra help, especially during transitions like going back to school. ## **How Changes in Routine Affect Kids with Executive Function Challenges** Routine changes can disrupt the balance for kids with executive functioning challenges. The shift from unstructured summer days to the regimented schedule of school can spark anxiety, affect concentration, and lead to difficulties with organization and time management. Most kids with ADHD thrive with a plan. They love knowing what to expect, what’s coming and what is expected of them. That means consistency and predictability are highly valued even if your kid is someone who loves to try new things. Abrupt change can throw kids with ADHD off balance, even when the change is something they knew was coming. ## **Making the Transition Back to School Easier for Kids** As a parent, you want to have a few aces up your sleeve to help make the transition back to school easier for your child. As kids age and independence increases, some kids need help with a little less micromanaging but they still crave support nonetheless. Finding ways to support while also showing that you value their input, independence and ability to take care of themselves is important. And as I mentioned above, the suggestions below are listed by age, but apply to everyone. If you notice that your high school student needs help with a routine, offer it. Sometimes kids who are the most affected by changes to their routine need all of the suggestions listed below. Just remember to try and deliver your suggestions in a way that your kid will interpret as supportive. Your goal is to empower your child to learn these skills so as they get older, they can anticipate changes in routine and execute these strategies themselves. ### **Elementary School (Ages 5 – 10)** At this age, structure and routine are crucial. Parents and teachers can help by: - **Establish a Back-to-School Routine**: Gradually shift bedtime and wake-up times a couple of weeks before school starts so your child gets used to the earlier hours and rigidity of a schedule once again. - **Create a Visual Schedule**: Calendars and visual planners are great for kids with executive functioning challenges because they see what’s on the agenda in addition to hearing you tell them what’s coming. - **Practice Your Morning Routines**: Conduct trial runs of morning routines to eliminate surprises when school starts. This helps remove the unexpected obstacles in your routine that can cause morning to be more challenging than desired. ### **Middle School (Ages 11 – 13)** Middle school introduces more complexity and a higher level of responsibility to kids. To help ease your middle schooler back into school add these elements to your life: - **Get Organized Early**: As kids get older, there seems to be more technology in the form of phones and computers in their lives. This allows them to add digital calendars and planners to their routine which are often more convenient than a calendar hanging on the wall. Digital organizing tools are with kids all the time so they can help manage homework and project deadlines effectively as well as help kids keep up with sports, activities and other social events they want to participate in. - **Set Goals**: Encourage your child to begin to set small, achievable goals for the fall. Planning ahead like this helps them look forward to what’s coming with anticipation vs dread. It also builds confidence and helps them track progress. - **Encourage Independence**: Encourage your middle schooler to help with school shopping and planning. Ideas here are to allow your child to choose the look/feel of their school supplies, let them take charge of packing their bags and organizing their materials. ### **High School (Ages 14 – 18)** As high school is one important precursor to adulthood, this is a time for students to polish their executive functions further: - **Encourage Independent Time Management Skills**: With age comes pressure and for many kids high school is a whole new level of stress. Along with setting goals and digital calendars, consider introducing techniques like the [Pomodoro Technique](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique) to manage study time effectively. - **Prioritization**: One fun thing about high school is the vast options kids have for how to spend their time. But, sometimes this can be overwhelming as kids vacillate between what they want to spend time doing and what they ***need*** to spend time doing. Help them prioritize tasks by urgency and importance using tools like the [Eisenhower Box](https://jamesclear.com/eisenhower-box). - **Self-Monitoring**: As kids get closer to adulthood, learning to know their own experience of what works and doesn’t work is important. As a parent, it’s wise to introduce “self reflection” as a technique to evaluate what is going on inside so kids get an earlier read on their emotions, stress level, anxiety and more. Encourage regular reflection on what strategies work best for them and make adjustments as needed. - **Stress Management Techniques**: As the pressure builds throughout high school, many kids feel anxious about the future. This is a great time to help your child notice how the change in routine is affecting their mood and stress level. Introduce practices such as journaling and meditation to help manage stress. These strategies can set the stage for a successful school year for your kids no matter what their age. And, they can help you with a place to start so the impending school year, summer break or holiday doesn’t derail all of the good work you’ve been doing to help your kid build their executive functioning skills. By taking proactive steps, both you and your child will have a better start to the year and a stronger foundation as we move out of the newness and into the routine of the school year.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD & Executive Function & LD --- ### [Infodumping vs. Oversharing: Understanding the Difference](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/infodumping-vs-oversharing/) **Published:** October 31, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In the neurodivergent community, communication styles can vary greatly, often leading to unique expressions such as infodumping. While infodumping and oversharing may seem similar at first glance, they serve different purposes and stem from distinct motivations. Understanding these differences is crucial not only for neurodivergent individuals but also for those interacting with them, including parents, educators, and colleagues. ## What is Infodumping? Infodumping is a communication style commonly associated with neurodivergent individuals, particularly those on the [autism spectrum or with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adhd-executive-function-and-social-challenges/). It involves sharing large amounts of information about a particular topic, usually a special interest or hobby. Unlike standard conversation, infodumping is often one-sided, characterized by detailed and enthusiastic exploration of a subject. For many neurodivergent people, infodumping is a natural expression of their interests and a way to seek connection. It can be seen as a form of bottom-up processing, where individuals focus on detailed building blocks before forming broader opinions or conclusions. ## Why Infodumping Matters Rather than viewing infodumping as something to be suppressed, it is essential to recognize its value. For those who experience it, infodumping stimulates the brain, provides a sense of satisfaction, and fulfills the need for engaging deeply with subjects of interest. This practice can provide structure and enhance social connections, particularly within communities that share similar interests. For individuals with autism, **infodumping** and **oversharing** can manifest in unique ways, often stemming from specific interests, sensory processing, and social communication styles. **Here’s a closer look at how these behaviors might appear differently:** ### Infodumping - **Passionate Sharing of Interests**: People with autism or ADHD may have deep, intense interests (sometimes called “special interests”) in specific topics, like astronomy, history, animals, or a particular fictional universe. Infodumping is a way of sharing knowledge and enthusiasm, often with an impressive level of detail. - **Focus on Facts and Details**: The information shared is typically factual, technical, or detailed, and may be conveyed without considering the listener’s knowledge or interest level. - **Intent**: Infodumping often isn’t about impressing others but rather about sharing something they genuinely love. It can be a form of connection or a way of expressing excitement. - **Example**: Someone might go into intricate detail about how different bird species communicate, listing scientific terms, migration patterns, and vocalization methods. The conversation may continue even if others aren’t responding enthusiastically. ### Oversharing: - **Sharing Without Social Cues**: People with autism or ADHD may not pick up on subtle social cues that others would use to gauge comfort levels. Oversharing can occur if someone doesn’t realize that certain topics are considered too personal or private for specific social settings. - **Direct Communication Style**: Many autistic and ADHD folks communicate in a very straightforward, honest manner, which might come across as oversharing because they’re less likely to “filter” their thoughts to match social expectations. - **Intent**: Oversharing is often an attempt to build trust, communicate transparently, or explain their feelings or challenges in a clear way. They may not always recognize that others might find it too personal or feel uncomfortable with certain topics. - **Example**: In a group setting, someone who overshares might start talking about personal challenges with sensory overload or medical issues without realizing it might be overwhelming or too intimate for some people in the group. ## Infodumping vs. Oversharing While infodumping is about sharing extensive information on specific topics, oversharing involves disclosing personal, private, or intimate details in situations where vulnerability is inherent. Oversharing often occurs in contexts where there is no established trust, such as with new friends, colleagues, or authority figures like bosses. The key difference lies in the content and context. Infodumping is centered around interests and is often non-personal, while oversharing reveals personal information that might not be appropriate for the setting. ## Managing Infodumping Understanding why you feel the urge to infodump can help manage the behavior without trying to stop it entirely. Here are some strategies to incorporate infodumping into conversations more smoothly: ### **Preface the Information**: - “On an unrelated topic, this just crossed my mind…” - “That reminds me of…” - “I just wanted to share something with you.” ### **Acknowledge the Length**: - “Sorry, that was a lot. I just love to talk about this.” - “I just want to share what I learned.” ### **Flag Off-Topic Discussions**: - “That reminded me of this other topic.” - “Hey, there is an off-topic I wanted to share.” \*Thank you to [Dr Raffael Boccamazzo](https://www.instagram.com/theedoctorb/?hl=en) for contributing to these tips, These approaches allow infodumping to become a more reciprocal part of conversations, reducing the chance of it being perceived as confusing or overwhelming. ## Finding the Right Space Creating or finding spaces where infodumping is welcomed can enhance social connections and reduce feelings of isolation. Engaging in chat rooms or online communities with others who share your interests provides a platform for infodumping in a supportive environment. It encourages interaction with like-minded individuals, fostering friendships and reducing the pressures of adapting to conventional communication styles. Infodumping is a valid and valuable part of neurodivergent communication, offering a means to engage intensely with topics of interest. Recognizing its place alongside other communication styles can alleviate stress and enhance social interactions. By understanding and managing infodumping, individuals can use it as a powerful tool for connection rather than viewing it as a hindrance. For neurodivergent individuals and those around them, appreciating these nuanced communication methods can lead to more inclusive and supportive environments. Remember, every style of communication has its place, and infodumping is no exception. Please [follow me on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) for new videos weekly on this any other topics important to understanding and embracing neurodiversity.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Understanding Neurodiversity --- ### [Why People with ADHD Feel FOMO More Intensely—And How to Tame It](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/understanding-fomo-adhd-connection/) **Published:** March 18, 2025 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Raise your hand if you’ve ever been scrolling through social media, watching a group of friends at a concert or seeing coworkers grabbing drinks, and suddenly felt that pit in your stomach—that pang of *why wasn’t I there?* or *what am I missing?* If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). And if you have ADHD, this feeling can hit *harder* and *more often* than it does for neurotypical folks. As someone who has spent years coaching kids, teens, and adults with ADHD, I see the impact FOMO has on people’s lives a lot. [People with ADHD experience emotions in a *big* way](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adhd-executive-function-and-social-challenges/). We crave excitement, novelty, and connection. And when we feel like we’re missing out on something *better*, it can spiral into anxiety, self-doubt, or even impulsively [saying “yes” to things](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/im-so-embarrassed-about-always-saying-the-wrong-thing-at-the-wrong-time/) we don’t even want to do. So let’s break down why this happens—and what you can do about it. ## Why People with ADHD Experience FOMO More Intensely FOMO is more than just a passing feeling—it’s a mix of biology, psychology, and the way our ADHD brains process the world. Research shows that FOMO is linked to [social comparison theory](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-social-comparison-process-2795872#:~:text=Social%20comparison%20theory%20was%20first,often%20in%20comparison%20to%20others.), [self-determination theory](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-determination-theory-2795387#:~:text=Self%2Ddetermination%20theory%20grew%20out,to%20grow%20and%20gain%20fulfillment.) and [emotional dysregulation](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12402-016-0199-0#:~:text=According%20to%20Barkley%27s%20model%20(Barkley%201997a%2C%20b)%2C,oppositional%20defiant%20disorder%20(Stringaris%20and%20Goodman%202009).). For people with ADHD, these factors are amplified and it can feel very challenging to give in to the pressure from others (however real or unreal) to do and act in ways that may not align with your highest values. In my work with clients, there are many ways FOMO and ADHD run hand-and-hand, here are just a few. ### 1. Our Brains Run on Interest, Not Importance People with ADHD don’t just struggle with *attention*—we struggle with *interest*. If something isn’t stimulating or rewarding, our brains often check out. That means when we see something fun happening somewhere else, our current reality might feel dull in comparison. Our brain says, *I need excitement NOW!*—cue the FOMO. ### 2. Hyperfocus Makes Everything Else Seem Less Exciting Hyperfocus is one of our ADHD superpowers, but when it’s directed at something negative—like imagining how much fun others are having without us—it can turn into an obsession. We replay scenarios, compare ourselves to others, and let that feeling of exclusion grow bigger than it really is. ### 3. Impulsivity Pushes Us to Chase the Next Big Thing Ever RSVP’d “yes” to three events in one night? Or bought last-minute concert tickets *just in case*? That’s ADHD-driven impulsivity in action. We act fast to avoid missing out, sometimes without thinking about whether we even *want* to go. ### 4. Rejection Sensitivity Turns FOMO into “They Don’t Want Me” Many people with [ADHD experience rejection sensitivity (RS)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/)—a deep emotional reaction to perceived exclusion or judgment. So when we see friends hanging out without us (even if we were invited and forgot!) it can feel *personal*. ### 5. Social Media is a Dopamine Minefield Our brains love dopamine, and social media delivers it on a silver platter. But seeing curated highlight reels of other people’s lives reinforces the feeling that we’re missing out on something better. It’s an ADHD-perfect storm—an endless cycle of scrolling, comparing, and craving. ## How to Manage FOMO in an ADHD-Friendly Way Here’s the good news: You don’t have to let FOMO control you. Instead of resisting it, let’s work *with* your ADHD brain to navigate it in a way that actually sticks. These are just a few of the hacks I teach clients to help them move away from the pressure FOMO adds to their lives. ### 1. Flip the Script: Turn FOMO into JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) Instead of worrying about what you *could* be doing, shift your focus to what’s great about what you’re already doing. ADHD brains respond well to gamification, so trying giving yourself “streak points” for: - Staying present in the moment and focusing on what’s in front of you (not behind you or ahead of you). - Noticing what you enjoyed about your day, rather than focusing on others. - Writing an ongoing list of your [wins and successes](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/want-less-stress-with-your-socially-challenged-teen-learn-to-see-the-little-wins/) so you see what’s positive right before your eyes. ### 2. Catch the Comparison Spiral Before It Starts When FOMO kicks in, pause and tell yourself: - “Social media is a highlight reel, not real life.” - “There will always be another opportunity.” - “What’s one thing I love about what I’m doing right now?” This small reframe helps pull you out of comparison mode and helps you focus on what is going well in your life. ### 3. Make Social Media Less Tempting Since ADHD brains struggle with willpower, don’t rely on self-control. Instead: - Use a social media delay app like [“One Sec”](https://one-sec.app/) to add a pause before opening an app. - Rename social media folders something silly like *“Are you sure?”* to disrupt impulsive checking. - Turn off notifications so your social media stays out of sight and out of mind. ### 4. Ask Yourself Before Saying “Yes” FOMO makes us say “yes” to things we don’t even want to do. Before committing, ask: - “Do I actually want to do this, or am I just afraid of missing out?” - “Will this add to my energy or drain me?” - “Is this how I want to spend my time or am I distracting myself from something more important?” Sometimes, the best decision is simply to stay home. 🙂 Managing FOMO requires some effort especially if you’re in the habit of responding and reacting to others on a regular basis. But, you can shift your behavior so you are less reactive to what others say is “important” and instead, learn how to decide for yourself what really matters. ## You’re Not Missing Out, You’re Living Differently FOMO is tough, but here’s the truth: *You’re not missing out—you’re just doing life in your own way.* People with ADHD have incredible lives full of adventure, passion, and connection. The key is focusing on what excites and fulfills YOU—not what looks fun in someone else’s Instagram post. So next time you feel FOMO creeping in, take a deep breath, put your phone down, and ask yourself: *What’s something awesome I can do for myself right now?* That is how you learn to move away from FOMO and into a life that truly aligns with your values and your goals. Please [follow me on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) for new videos weekly on this any other topics important to understanding and embracing neurodiversity.  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** ADHD --- ### [How To Ease Your Anxiety When You Have To Interact With New People](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-ease-anxiety-when-you-have-to-interact-with-new-people/) **Published:** May 20, 2025 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Interacting with new people can be a source of anxiety and stress for many people. Whether it’s attending a social event, starting a new job, or joining a new community, the prospect of interacting with unfamiliar faces often brings about feelings of nervousness and apprehension. Social anxiety has been on the rise for many years with [approximately 15 million adult Americans dealing with its symptoms today](https://seattleanxiety.com/psychiatrist/2023/2/24/exploring-the-recent-rise-of-social-anxiety-disorder). The symptoms of this kind of anxiety can manifest in various ways, including physical symptoms such as sweating and trembling, as well as psychological symptoms like racing thoughts and fear of judgment. Acknowledging that social anxiety is a common experience for many people can be reassuring. If you’re dealing with it, you’re certainly not alone. 15 million translates to more than 7% of the adult population and with its growing prevalence, there are many innovative ways to manage and ease your symptoms. Below are insights and actionable tips to help ease your feelings as well the discomfort associated with [social engagements](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-with-executive-function-weakness-engage-socially/). Even if you make slow progress, taking these tips to heart is how you can start to improve your social experiences. ## What Does It Mean If You Get Nervous or Anxious Around New People Feeling nervous or anxious around new people can range from simply feeling worried about what’s about to come, to feeling paralyzed to even speaking with someone new. This form of social anxiety often stems from a variety of factors. These can include fear of judgment, fear of rejection, or a lack of confidence in social settings. It’s important to understand that these feelings are a normal part of the human experience and can happen to anyone, regardless of age or social experience. When you get nervous or anxious in this way, it often means that your brain perceives[ social interactions](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teens-young-adults/) as potential threats. When this happens, it can trigger your body’s fight-or-flight response, leading to physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, and sweating. In some cases, you may also experience psychological symptoms like racing thoughts, self-doubt, and excessive worry about how others perceive you. However, understanding these reactions as natural responses helps to demystify the experience and pave the way for effective coping strategies. ## How Common is Social Anxiety if You’re Neurodivergent? If you’re neurodivergent—living with ADHD, autism, or other differences—social anxiety is more common than you might think. Many people with differently wired brains struggle in social settings, especially when the rules feel unclear or constantly changing. Neurodivergent individuals often face judgment or criticism for behaviors they can’t easily control, like interrupting, missing cues, or being “too much” or “too quiet.” Over time, these experiences can lead to a fear of saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood. This anxiety isn’t a flaw. It’s often a response to past experiences and the stress of navigating social spaces that don’t always feel welcoming. You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. With support, you can learn to manage social anxiety in a way that works for your unique brain. ## How ADHD Traits Influence Social Anxiety ADHD affects how you manage thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, which can make socializing harder. Traits like impulsivity, poor self-monitoring, and emotional reactivity often increase social anxiety. You might blurt things out, overshare, or forget names mid-conversation. You may miss cues, react strongly to feedback, or get stuck thinking about something you said hours ago. All of this can make you second-guess yourself and feel anxious in future interactions. ## Start with the Basics: 8 Ways Everyone Can Ease Anxiety Around New People Easing anxiety when interacting with new people involves a combination of preparation, mindfulness techniques, and lifestyle adjustments. Here are some effective strategies to help you manage and reduce social anxiety: ### Prepare with a Few Conversation Starters Having a few conversation starters can make you feel less stressed and confident. Easy options to consider include current events, hobbies, or shared interests that can easily spark a conversation. This preparation can help alleviate the fear of running out of things to say and make interactions flow more smoothly. ### Breathe Deep breathing exercises can help calm your nervous system and reduce anxiety. Before and during social engagements, take slow, deep breaths to lower your heart rate and promote relaxation. [Practicing mindful breathing](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-practice-mindfulness-and-self-care/) regularly can make it easier to employ this technique when you need it most. ### Get Grounded Grounding techniques can help you stay present and focused during social interactions. One effective method is to notice and name things you can see, things you can touch, things you can hear, things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This technique can distract your mind from anxiety and bring you back to the present moment. ### Count in Your Head Counting in your head can serve as a simple distraction technique to manage anxiety. Counting slowly to ten or focusing on counting your breaths can help interrupt anxious thoughts and provide a sense of control during engagements. ### Take Pauses or Breaks If you start feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a pause or step away for a brief moment. Excuse yourself to the restroom or take a short walk to clear your mind and regroup. Taking these small breaks can make you feel less anxious and allow you to return to the conversation feeling more composed. ### Find a Reason to Interact or Talk Having a purpose or reason for engaging in conversation can make interactions feel more natural. Whether it’s asking for advice, discussing a mutual interest, or simply complimenting someone, having a clear reason to interact can reduce anxiety by giving the conversation a clear direction. ### Limit Your Caffeine Intake Caffeine can increase feelings of anxiety and make you feel more jittery. If you know you’ll be in a social situation, consider limiting your caffeine intake beforehand to help keep your anxiety levels in check. ### Limit Your Alcohol Intake While alcohol might seem like an easy way to ease[ social anxiety](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/), it can actually make anxiety worse in the long run. Drinking in moderation or avoiding alcohol altogether can help you maintain better control over your emotions and interactions. By incorporating these strategies into your routine, you can reduce anxiety and feel calm when interacting with new people. ## Are There Neurodivergent-Friendly Tips To Make Interacting With Others Easier? Yes, there are. Traditional advice like “just be yourself” or “make small talk” often doesn’t help when your brain works differently. The good news is, there are strategies that fit your needs and make connecting with others feel more doable. Start with preparation. Think of a few conversation starters ahead of time. Choose topics you like such as books, pets, food, or shows, so you’re not scrambling to think of something in the moment. Next, manage your energy. If long events or large groups wear you out, give yourself permission to take breaks. Step outside, visit the bathroom, or sit in a quiet spot to recharge. Finally, change the goal. Instead of trying to impress anyone, focus on small wins like making eye contact, saying hello, or asking one question. These small steps build comfort and confidence over time. ### Understanding and Managing Oversharing Oversharing means saying more than you meant to, especially with someone you don’t know well. For many people with ADHD or other neurodivergent traits, this happens because of excitement, emotion, or trouble knowing what’s okay to say. You might get so passionate about a topic or feel nervous and just start spilling. Then later, you replay it in your head and feel embarrassed. This is common and nothing to be ashamed of. **Here are a few tips that help:** - Notice who you’re talking to. Do you know and trust this person? - Match their tone. If they’re being light, you can keep it light too. - Have a recovery plan. Say something like, “That was a lot of information. Tell me about your day.” Oversharing is not a flaw. With awareness and practice, you can manage it in a way that still lets you be your authentic self. ### Using “Social Spy” to Decode Situations Social Spy is a fun way to observe people and social dynamics without pressure. You’re simply gathering clues to help you understand what’s going on around you. Start by scanning the room. Are people grouped together or standing alone? Does the energy feel calm or lively? Then, take a closer look. Is someone smiling or fidgeting? Are they leaning in or stepping back? These small details help you figure out if someone wants to chat or seems ready to leave. The goal isn’t to judge or change yourself. It’s to get more information so you can decide what to do next with more confidence. ### Practice Reading the Room Reading the room means noticing the mood, the energy, and what people are doing before you jump into a conversation. It’s a skill that improves the more you practice it. **Start by taking a moment to pause and observe. Ask yourself:** - Who’s doing most of the talking? - Are people laughing and relaxed, or quiet and focused? - Is it a casual moment or a serious one? Try using the PEAS method: People, Environment, Actions, and Similarities. What do people have in common? What’s happening in the space around you? Practice this in low-stakes places like coffee shops, libraries, or group events. Over time, you’ll get better at noticing what’s going on and knowing how to join in or take a step back when needed. ## Start Small but Regular Practice is Key Regular practice is key to managing anxiety in social situations and becoming more comfortable when you meet new acquaintances. Here are some ways to integrate consistent practice into your routine: ### 1. Engage in Frequent, Low Stress Social Activities - Participate in clubs, classes, or groups that interest you. Regular involvement in these settings provides structured opportunities to interact with new people or make a new friend in a low-pressure environment. - Make a habit of attending social events, even if they are small gatherings. The more you expose yourself to these situations, the more you will become accustomed to them. ### 2. Role-Play Scenarios - Engage a trusted friend or family member in role-playing different social scenarios. This practice can help you prepare for real-life interactions by simulating common situations like introductions, conversations, and farewells. - Practice speaking and maintaining eye contact in front of a mirror. This technique helps you become more aware of your body language and facial expressions, making you feel more confident during actual interactions. ### 3. Use Visualization Techniques - Spend a few minutes each day visualizing [successful social interactions](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-10-must-haves-for-social-success-according-to-an-expert/). Imagine yourself feeling calm, confident, and engaging positively with others. Visualization can reduce anxiety by mentally preparing you for actual situations. ### 4. Gradually Increase Exposure to More Challenging Social Situations - Start with familiar environments and slowly venture into new settings. This incremental approach helps desensitize your anxiety triggers. - Volunteering for events or causes you care about can provide structured and meaningful opportunities to interact with others while focusing on a shared goal. ### 5. Reflect and Adapt - After each social interaction, take time to reflect on what went well and what could be improved. Use these insights to adjust your approach for future interactions. - Be open to adjusting your strategies based on your experiences. Flexibility in your approach allows you to find the most effective methods for managing your anxiety. In short, consistent practice builds confidence and competence, making interactions with new people more manageable and enjoyable over time. Easing anxiety when interacting with new people is a gradual process that requires patience, practice, and the implementation of effective strategies. By understanding the nature of social anxiety, preparing conversation starters, using calming techniques, and practicing regularly in varied social settings, you can build confidence and reduce anxiety over time. It’s important to recognize that occasional nervousness is normal and that managing anxiety is about developing tools and habits that foster comfort and self-assurance in social engagements. If you want more support, tips, and relatable stories about navigating social life with ADHD or social anxiety, I invite you to visit my YouTube channel. I share videos weekly that offer friendly guidance and real-life tools to help you feel more confident in everyday interactions just like this one. You can find them all on my channel,  Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. is an ADHD coach, author, and sought-after speaker on SEL, ADHD, and neurodiversity. For more than 15 years, she has helped parents, adults, and educators strengthen emotional regulation, social awareness, and real-world social skills, including her “social spy” approach. Her debut book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, won multiple awards, including American Book Fest’s Best Parenting and Family Book (2020). Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, is scheduled for release in April 2026. [See Full Bio](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/author/carolinecarolinemaguireauthor-com/) [  ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.youtube.com/@authorcarolinem) [  ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) **Categories:** Adults --- ## Pages ### [Homepage](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) **Published:** March 2, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:**   Social Emotional Learning & Social Skills Training ### Meet Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. #### Helping parents, families and adults navigate today’s complex social emotional world. [ Learn More ](/social-emotional-learning/) - [ ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem) - [ ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) - [ ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) - [ ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) - [ ](https://twitter.com/AuthorCarolineM) - [ ](https://www.pinterest.com/AuthorCarolineM) - [ ](https://www.tiktok.com/@authorcarolinem) #### FEATURED IN   ## Welcome to my website and community! Are you searching for social emotional learning answers for yourself, your child, your school, or your clients to: - **Connect well with others** - **Get along/ make friends / deepen your social network** - **Understand everyone by being a “social spy?”** I offer practical, “real world,” and easy-to-follow solutions to learn how to relate better to others. From chit chat, to deeper connections, interacting in groups, to being a true friend, **I teach people how to connect with greater confidence… and thrive.** ##### **I have the answers you need.** [ Learn more today ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/about/) ## My New Book Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults is out April 14, 2026 ***Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults*** is a practical, compassionate guide for anyone who has ever felt confused or discouraged by friendship. If you replay conversations, overthink what you said, or wonder why connection feels harder than it should… this book shows you why, and what to do differently. Caroline Maguire breaks down the unspoken rules of friendship into clear, learnable skills so you can read social cues, understand where you stand, and build relationships that feel mutual and real. This isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about having tools that work with your brain so you can show up with more clarity and confidence. Get your copy on Amazon or wherever you buy books and download the bonus materials below to start using these skills right away. [ Get Your Copy Today ](https://www.amazon.com/Friendship-Skills-Neurodivergent-Adults-Distracted/dp/1538773082) [ Download the Free Book Bonuses ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/book-bonuses/) [  ](https://www.amazon.com/Friendship-Skills-Neurodivergent-Adults-Distracted/dp/1538773082) #### Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults is available at: [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/amazon.jpg) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/Target.jpg) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/2018_bn-logo-gold.jpg) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/indie-bound.jpg) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/books-a-million.jpg) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Walmart.png) # Becoming a Social Spy: How to Read People Using Observational Learning [ Watch Now! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7Dia1TwTuY)     ## How We Can Help You Feeling secure in today’s world is hard for adults and kids alike. Today, more people than ever have experienced feeling deep wells of social isolation and struggle with making friends, confidence and feeling secure in their own skin. ***Together we can work on these critical skills with kids, adults, and educators:*** [ Learn more ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/about) [ ### How To Make Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-help-a-teen-who-has-few-to-no-friends-now-that-school-is-in-full-swing/) [ ### How To Make Small Talk ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [ ### How To Read The Room ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)  ### My Free Gift For You: How To Unlock Self Confidence Do you ever feel like your confidence slips when ADHD challenges show up, whether it’s overthinking, second-guessing yourself, or replaying conversations in your head? You are not alone. Confidence is not about being perfect. It grows from small, doable steps that help you feel more grounded, capable, and connected. Get this special, free gift today. [ Get Your Copy Now ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/unlocking-self-confidence/) ## Services [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/families/) ## [Help for Families](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/families/) Without adequate and appropriate social skills training, your child or teen may not outgrow their weaknesses. Learn how to coach kids to develop and practice the social skills that enable “natural” social interaction. [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/educators/) ## [Help for Educators](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/educators/) Proximity does not ensure teamwork. Our systematic approach to building social emotional learning skills helps you lead students to become productive team members, set goals, build positive relationships and develop long-term societal benefits. [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adults/) ## [Help for Adults](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adults/) Start your journey to better socializing here. Learn how to make friends, warm up to any social interaction, understand others, their emotions and social situations. It is never too late to learn these lifetime social skills. ## Caroline's Latest Articles [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/)Making Friends ### [ Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) There is a particular kind of loneliness I hear frequently from women who were diagnosed with ADHD later in life. These are smart, capable, deeply [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) May 1, 2026 No Comments [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/)ADHD ### [ Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) You get home. Maybe you’re still in the car, pulling out of the parking lot. And then, out of nowhere… It starts. Did I talk [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) March 11, 2026 No Comments [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/)ADHD ### [ Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) Have you ever left a conversation and felt a spike of panic? You replay what you said. You analyze their tone. You notice a delayed [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) February 28, 2026 No Comments [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog) ## Professional Praise for Caroline Maguire, M.Ed When I first read the title of Caroline Maguire's book, I expected it to be about social needs of young children. Was I wrong! This amazing book is helping me change the way I communicate with students of all ages. It also gives me scripts to practice in communicating with colleagues, friends, and relatives. I've been an educator for more than 50 years, and this is one book that has had an immediate impact on every aspect of my teaching. I wish Caroline Maguire was around when I was growing up. She uses visuals and catchy phrases to make the strategies memorable--from "Be a Social Spy" to "Taking a Social Right Turn." This is a well-researched guide book, and I recommend a hardback or paperback so you can add sticky notes and return to the drawings (that don't show up as well in the Kindle edition). My book is bristling with sticky-notes because there are so many useful tools.  Penny MoldofskyDirector of the Literacy Institute at Woodlynde School Too often, the metrics of success we use to evaluate our children are focused on hard skills like reading or math. But what about learning how to have a conversation, sustain a relationship, or feel comfortable walking into a room filled with strangers? Kids today struggle with loneliness and anxiety because they are increasingly not equipped with the tools they need to feel comfortable in their own skin—but there is hope. Social skills can be taught and developed; what Caroline Maguire has done in this book is write the ultimate guide for parents to tutor kids of all ages on how to make friends and flourish in any social setting.  Michele BorbaAuthor, *Unselfie* Caroline was our invited speaker for the NJ Child Study team meeting, which included various professionals from all over New Jersey dedicated to supporting Individualized Education Program (IEP) for students suspected of having educational disabilities. We recognized the importance of SEL, but it had not be uniformly incorporated into our district. Caroline’s insights and recommendations were invaluable; enabling us to integrate tailorable, concrete practices to help teachers support SEL instruction for students of all ages in organic and dynamic ways. We continue to seek out Caroline as our SEL expert.  Elizabeth Alves Academic Support Coordinator at Benway School While most may agree and understand that education is everyone’s responsibility, Maguire understands that not everyone may know how to educate. This is especially true in the area of social skills and the ability to establish healthy, caring relationships. In a webinar provided for our schools entitled, “Coaching Social Skills: Parents and Teachers with a Game Plan”, Maguire provides concrete examples on how schools and home can work together to support children in learning how to engage successfully in the world. You did provide this training which was available to 220 independent charters in the LAUSD SELPA with approximately 110,000 students enrolled and approximately 12,000 students with disabilities. During the pandemic trainings were not provided in person and we did not do a very good job of collecting feedback, for this I am sorry. Many schools were struggling with a variety of factors in transitioning back to in person learning. I hope to continue to share your work and information and do a better job (as we did before) with collecting feedback.  Joasia GarzaSpecialist | Charter Operated Programs | Tier 1 Team ## Get Your Copy Of Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults Today Friendship can be hard for many Neurodivergent adults. There is an assumption that good, worthwhile friendships “should” come easy. However, for Neurodivergent adults, there are brain-based reasons why friendship can feel less intuitive. From differences in the parts of the brain that are vital to managing the logistics of a fulfilling social life to difficulty with self-regulation, the way neurodiverse individuals experience social bonding and connection can feel unintuitive. ***Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults*** is a guide to navigate these differences and more. [  ](https://www.amazon.com/Friendship-Skills-Neurodivergent-Adults-Distracted/dp/1538773082) [ Get Your Copy Today! ](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Will-No-One-Play/dp/1538714833/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=) --- ### [Caroline in the Media](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/media/) **Published:** March 12, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Caroline in the Media                ### International Press     ## Caroline Has Been Featured In... As a trusted expert on social-emotional learning and ADHD, Caroline Maguire has been featured in national and international media. Her press mentions include notable publications, including The New York Times, NPR, The Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, Salon, Attention Magazine, HuffPost, ADDitude, MindBodyGreen, WebMD, and more. She is an international speaker whose work reaches audiences across the U.S., the U.K., Australia, and beyond. ## Press & Media - Featured - [ ADD ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/media/#add) - [ Additude ](#additude) - [ CHADD ](#chadd) - [ News ](#news) - [ Podcast ](#podcast) - [ Psychology Today ](#psychologytoday) - [ YourTango ](#yourtango) ## Featured [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-and-friends-blurting-oversharing-and-small-talk-with-social-skills-expert-caroline-maguire/) ##### ADHD and Friends: Blurting, Oversharing, and Small Talk with Social Skills Expert, Caroline Maguire - About This Episode Tired of ADHD strategies that don’t work? Here’s what actually does. FREE [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-and-friends-blurting-oversharing-and-small-talk-with-social-skills-expert-caroline-maguire/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/choose-love-book-club-why-will-no-one-play-with-me-with-caroline-maguire/) ##### Choose Love Book Club – “Why Will No One Play With Me?” with Caroline Maguire [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/choose-love-book-club-why-will-no-one-play-with-me-with-caroline-maguire/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire-on-sel-for-parents-and-families/) ##### Caroline Maguire on SEL for parents and families - In this episode… We talk about the great new offering we’ve been putting together that [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire-on-sel-for-parents-and-families/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/woodlyndeschool/) ##### WoodlyndeSchool - Presented by The Literacy Institute at Woodlynde School, this webinar by CHADD certified coach Caroline [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/woodlyndeschool/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-deal-with-rejection-sensitivity/) ##### How to deal with Rejection Sensitivity - This is my most requested episode ever. Thanks to the support of my research team, [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-deal-with-rejection-sensitivity/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-when-kids-feel-left-out-and-say-they-have-no-friends/) ##### How to help when kids feel left out and say they have no friends - This article first appeared on Your Tango and has been republished wirth permission. As a [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-when-kids-feel-left-out-and-say-they-have-no-friends/) Load More ## ADD.org [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/navigating-the-holidays-social-spying-and-sensitive-kids-with-caroline-maguire/) ##### Navigating the Holidays, Social Spying, and Sensitive Kids with Caroline Maguire - ABOUT THIS EPISODE Today, we’re talking to author Caroline Maguire. Caroline is the author of [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/navigating-the-holidays-social-spying-and-sensitive-kids-with-caroline-maguire/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/unmasking-in-friendship-making-friends-as-your-authenic-self-as-an-adult-wiht-adhd/) ##### Unmasking in Friendship: Making Friends as Your Authenic self as an Adult wiht ADHD - Today’s TADD Talk features Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., exploring “Unmasking In Friendship: Making Friends [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/unmasking-in-friendship-making-friends-as-your-authenic-self-as-an-adult-wiht-adhd/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/making-friends-as-an-adult-with-adhd/) ##### Making Friends as an Adult with ADHD - In today’s TADD talk, with Caroline Maguire discusses “Strategies For Mitigating Insecure Attachment In Couples [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/making-friends-as-an-adult-with-adhd/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/oops-i-did-it-again-how-to-stop-saying-the-wrong-thing-at-the-wrong-time/) ##### Oops I Did It Again! How to Stop Saying The Wrong Thing at The Wrong Time - by Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC You made a comment and the minute it left [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/oops-i-did-it-again-how-to-stop-saying-the-wrong-thing-at-the-wrong-time/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-lagging-executive-function-skills-and-the-social-hangover-steps-to-ensure-you-dont-feel-lonely-or-isolated/) ##### ADHD, Lagging Executive Function Skills And The Social Hangover – steps to Ensure You Don’t Feel Lonely or Isolated - In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire, discusses, “ADHD, Lagging Executive Function Skills and the Social [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-lagging-executive-function-skills-and-the-social-hangover-steps-to-ensure-you-dont-feel-lonely-or-isolated/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-can-i-read-the-room-when-i-get-so-overwhelmed/) ##### How Can I Read the Room When I Get so Overwhelmed? - Sensory overload can make social and workplace events draining and anxiety-provoking. People with ADHD may [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-can-i-read-the-room-when-i-get-so-overwhelmed/) Load More ## ADDitude [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/your-child-isnt-defiant-his-skills-are-lagging/) ##### Your Child Isn’t Defiant — His Skills Are Lagging - “If he could, he would.” Children with ADHD don’t always have rude behavior — sometimes, [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/your-child-isnt-defiant-his-skills-are-lagging/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-students-with-adhd-gain-social-confidence-with-caroline-maguire/) ##### How to Help Students with ADHD Gain Social Confidence (with Caroline Maguire) - Lack of practice, lagging maturity, fewer social models, and weak executive functions mean that children [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-students-with-adhd-gain-social-confidence-with-caroline-maguire/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-tweens-can-trigger-moms-adhd-symptoms-and-how-to-keep-your-cool/) ##### How Tweens Can Trigger Mom’s ADHD Symptoms — and How to Keep Your Cool - Being a mom with ADHD is already a precarious balancing act. But add a tween’s [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-tweens-can-trigger-moms-adhd-symptoms-and-how-to-keep-your-cool/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-make-friends-a-people-skills-guide-for-adults-with-adhd-w-maguire-m-ed-accg-pcc/) ##### How to Make Friends: A People Skills Guide for Adults with ADHD w/ Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC - In this hour-long webinar-on-demand from 3/25/20, learn the secret to making friends as an adult [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-make-friends-a-people-skills-guide-for-adults-with-adhd-w-maguire-m-ed-accg-pcc/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/a-conversation-guide-for-the-socially-anxious-and-unsure/) ##### A Conversation Guide for the Socially Anxious and Unsure - A seven-step guide to managing social anxiety at parties and other events you want to [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/a-conversation-guide-for-the-socially-anxious-and-unsure/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/foster-friendships-in-adulthood-by-embracing-your-adhd-with-caroline-maguire-m-ed/) ##### Foster Friendships in Adulthood by Embracing Your ADHD (with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.) - This clip is from Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.’s, ADDitude webinar: “An Adult’s Guide to Fostering Friendships [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/foster-friendships-in-adulthood-by-embracing-your-adhd-with-caroline-maguire-m-ed/) Load More ## CHADD [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/stop-taking-things-so-personally/) ##### Stop Taking Things So Personally - It’s hard not to take things personally. When someone shouts at you on the road, [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/stop-taking-things-so-personally/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/healthy-peer-relationships/) ##### Healthy Peer Relationships - Many teens and young adults with ADHD face social skills challenges that make it difficult [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/healthy-peer-relationships/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/holiday-conversations-ten-tips-to-manage-your-emotions-and-communicate-better/) ##### Holiday Conversations: Ten Tips to Manage Your Emotions and Communicate Better - As we approach the holiday season, everyone has a list of expectations about how it [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/holiday-conversations-ten-tips-to-manage-your-emotions-and-communicate-better/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coaching-your-child-on-social-cues/) ##### Coaching your child on social cues - Question: My daughter has ADHD and feels left out at school. She has trouble picking [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coaching-your-child-on-social-cues/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coaching-your-chuld-to-play-better/) ##### Coaching Your Child to Play Better - Effective coaching is a way of being with and communicating with your child. HE CORE [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coaching-your-chuld-to-play-better/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/i-dont-speak-to-you-that-way-please-show-me-some-respect/) ##### I Don’t Speak to You That Way. Please Show Me Some Respect! - A snarky, criticizing tone is one of the hardest things to tolerate. When it comes [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/i-dont-speak-to-you-that-way-please-show-me-some-respect/) Load More ## News [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/ask-the-expert-my-child-has-no-friends-what-can-i-do-to-help/) ##### Ask the Expert: My child has no friends – what can I do to help? - Many children struggle with friendship– helping them to develop skills in making friends is an [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/ask-the-expert-my-child-has-no-friends-what-can-i-do-to-help/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/no-time-for-passive-parenting-show-your-kids-how-to-stand-up-to-bullies/) ##### No time for passive parenting: Show your kids how to stand up to bullies - t’s September and the digital grapevine is abuzz trying to figure out who’s in which [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/no-time-for-passive-parenting-show-your-kids-how-to-stand-up-to-bullies/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-manage-play-dates-and-other-social-outings-when-your-child-has-adhd/) ##### How to Manage Play Dates and Other Social Outings When Your Child Has ADHD - Having your child get together with other kids their age is an important part of [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-manage-play-dates-and-other-social-outings-when-your-child-has-adhd/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-your-tween-acts-up-on-lockdown/) ##### When your tween acts up on lockdown - It’s hard to take away screen time right now. They already can’t see their friends. [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-your-tween-acts-up-on-lockdown/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-emotional-learning-skills-to-inspire-resilience-in-your-kid/) ##### 10 Emotional Learning Skills to Inspire Resilience in Your Kid - Tired of hearing “kids are resilient”? If that’s the case, why are so many still [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-emotional-learning-skills-to-inspire-resilience-in-your-kid/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-helpful-phrases-to-say-when-your-child-struggles-in-social-situations/) ##### 10 helpful phrases to say when your child struggles in social situations - This story was originally published on October 1, 2019. It has been updated. Talking about [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-helpful-phrases-to-say-when-your-child-struggles-in-social-situations/) Load More ## Podcasts [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-and-social-skills-how-to-improve-your-ability-to-read-social-cues-and-build-connections/) ##### ADHD and Social Skills: How to Improve Your Ability to Read Social Cues and Build Connections - In this episode, Caroline Maguire, Author of “Why will no one play with me”? talks [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-and-social-skills-how-to-improve-your-ability-to-read-social-cues-and-build-connections/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/frienships-adhd-ghosting-awkwardness-and-more-with-social-skills-expert-caroline-maguire/) ##### Frienships & ADHD: Ghosting, Awkwardness and More with Social Skills Expert Caroline Maguire - Ever feel like making friends is a puzzle you can’t quite solve? You’re not alone, [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/frienships-adhd-ghosting-awkwardness-and-more-with-social-skills-expert-caroline-maguire/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/368-reading-between-the-lines-with-caroline-maguire/) ##### 368: reading between the lines with Caroline Maguire - Do social situations exhaust you? Do you feel like your brain is working in overdrive [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/368-reading-between-the-lines-with-caroline-maguire/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/390-coach-caroline-answers-the-question-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ##### 390: Coach Caroline answers the question: ‘Why will no one play with me?’ - ADHD Coach Caroline Maguire is back! She’s a coach, author, teacher, and speaker with a [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/390-coach-caroline-answers-the-question-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-dr-sheryl-show/) ##### The Dr. Sheryl Show - She is a passionate personal coach, author, teacher, and speaker whose work has inspired important [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-dr-sheryl-show/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ##### Caroline Maguire “Why will no one play with me?” - There’s nothing worse than having your child in pain and not knowing what to do [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) Load More ## Psychology Today [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-teaching-your-child-empathy-builds-their-social-skill/) ##### Why Teaching Your Child Empathy Builds Their Social Skill - Empathy, or the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and express genuine concern [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-teaching-your-child-empathy-builds-their-social-skill/) ## YourTango [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/3-ways-to-teach-your-children-good-manners-when-they-embarrass-you-in-public/) ##### 3 Ways To Teach Your Children Good Manners When They Embarrass You In Public - Every parent experiences some embarrassing moments when your child’s behavior shocks you and makes you [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/3-ways-to-teach-your-children-good-manners-when-they-embarrass-you-in-public/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-easy-ways-to-help-your-child-make-friends-when-they-have-adhd-or-behavioral-problems/) ##### 5 Easy Ways To Help Your Child Make Friends When They Have ADHD Or Behavioral Problems - Yes, they can make friends! If your child has ADHD, you know how hard it [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-easy-ways-to-help-your-child-make-friends-when-they-have-adhd-or-behavioral-problems/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/3-steps-to-helping-kids-with-adhd-handle-rejection-sensitivity/) ##### 3 Steps To Helping Kids With ADHD Handle Rejection Sensitivity - What is rejection sensitivity? When your child disappears into their room, is prone to being [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/3-steps-to-helping-kids-with-adhd-handle-rejection-sensitivity/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-parents-embrace-social-emotional-learning-kids-feel-the-joy-again/) ##### When Parents Embrace Social Emotional Learning, Kids Feel The Joy Again - What is social-emotional learning, and how does it help you bring the joy back in [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-parents-embrace-social-emotional-learning-kids-feel-the-joy-again/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/what-to-do-when-your-teen-is-making-friends-you-dont-approve-of/) ##### What To Do When Your Teen Is Making Friends You Don’t Approve Of - Banning your teen’s friends won’t work — collaborate and discuss friendship qualities, instead. Your child’s [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/what-to-do-when-your-teen-is-making-friends-you-dont-approve-of/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/7-ways-to-help-kids-rusty-social-skills-as-the-pandemic-winds-down/) ##### 7 Ways To Help Kids’ Rusty Social Skills As The Pandemic Winds Down - How can you expect your child to assimilate when they haven’t been practicing their social [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/7-ways-to-help-kids-rusty-social-skills-as-the-pandemic-winds-down/) Load More --- ### [Accessibility Statement](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/accessibility-statement/) **Published:** August 14, 2026 **Author:** Rashed Hasan **Content:** **Caroline Maguire** strives to ensure that its digital services are accessible to people with disabilities. **Caroline Maguire** has invested significant resources to help ensure access for all users, including people with disabilities, with the strong belief that every person has the right to live with dignity, equality, comfort and independence. Digital accessibility is not just a target we aim to achieve, but an ongoing commitment that we carry in every aspect of our digital service delivery. We recognize that this requires continuous monitoring, improvement, and adaptation. In the sections below, we elaborate on the various efforts that have been undertaken to address our progress in ensuring digital accessibility for all. A key element of our accessibility initiative is our engagement with a third-party accessibility consulting organization UserWay to help bring the website into conformance. We use industry standard accessibility methods and tools to accomplish this, in accordance with the relevant version of [Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG) as set forth by the World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)](https://www.w3.org/TR/WCAG21/ "Web Content Accessibility Guidelines") the internet’s main international standards-setting organization. ## Please Contact Us We are here to assist you and make your experience as smooth and inclusive as possible. If you encounter any digital accessibility issues with our products or services, or need information related to digital accessibility, we want to hear from you! Also, we appreciate and welcome feedback, and we are always ready to embrace suggestions for enhancing our digital accessibility efforts. Contact Information: - Caroline Maguire - Email: We take accessibility seriously and will get back to you shortly. --- ### [Are You Masking Or Just Adapting?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/compartmentalizing-or-masking/) **Published:** June 13, 2026 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** If you have spent years changing yourself to avoid being judged, rejected, or seen as “too much,” it can be hard to know where adapting ends and masking begins. Download my free guide ***The Unmasking Workbook: Am I Masking or Just Adapting?*** to learn how to recognize the difference between healthy adjustment, compartmentalizing, and masking. You’ll also explore how fear of rejection and RSD may influence the way you show up, identify patterns that leave you drained or disconnected, and find small ways to be more authentic without feeling like you have to unmask all at once. ****** Once you submit the form, the ebook will be sent to your inbox right away. I hope this ebook will help you on your journey to understand yourself better. And know that I’m here if you need me! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [How To Get Grounded When You're Feeling Anxious](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/free-gift-anxiety-relief/) **Published:** June 13, 2026 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** When anxiety or overwhelm takes over, it can be hard to think clearly, stay present, and feel like yourself around other people. Get ***5 Ways to Get Grounded*,** my super easy guide to teach you simple strategies to pause, reset, and reconnect with yourself before, during, and after stressful social situations. You’ll also learn how to notice what your brain and body are telling you, question the story anxiety may be creating, and build a grounding plan you can use when you need it most. ****** You can sign up here and the ebook will be sent directly to your inbox. Anxiety is a natural response when you try something new or reach outside of your comfort zone. I hope this ebook will help you get grounded so you can be your best self! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Meet Caroline Maguire, Parenting Coach, SEL Expert & Advocate](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/about/) **Published:** July 14, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:**
About I’m Lisa Martin. I Help Entrepreneurs Build Their Dreams. Diam lorem nulla suspendisse id ullamcorper lobortis id sit nisl purus tellus curabitur leo volutpat vitae quisque eros, gravida magna diam id elit facilisi gravida at non consectetur nulla leo congue in netus ut et habitant massa id libero turpis. Vel amet et vitae tincidunt …
**Content:** # About Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., PCC I’m Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., PCC, an internationally recognized ADHD coach, educator, author, and speaker, and that combination of roles is the through-line of my work. For more than two decades, I’ve helped people of all ages build real, meaningful friendships where they actually feel embraced.  ## How This Work Began My work grew out of a simple but profound question I heard again and again about friendship, starting in the earliest days of my practice: *Why is this so hard?* After graduating from the [ADD Coach Academy](https://addca.com) in 2005, I opened my private practice and, within six months, began working at the original [Hallowell Center](https://drhallowell.com/services/contact-us-and-directions/) in Sudbury, Massachusetts. There, alongside clinicians serving children, teens, and adults with ADHD, I saw a pattern that others were missing. People could manage time, school, or work well enough, but they were lonely. They didn’t have friends, and traditional advice wasn’t helping.  ## A Different Way Of Teaching Social Skills From the beginning, I understood that teaching social skills couldn’t mean teaching people how to “act typical.” As a person with ADHD myself, I knew that blurting out, interrupting, oversharing, or missing subtle cues weren’t things done on purpose. They were traits that needed understanding, context, and practical strategies that actually fit how neurodivergent brains work. Long before words like *neuro-affirming* entered the mainstream, I was already building an approach grounded in honesty, compassion, and respect for individual choice. [ Learn How You Or Your Team Can Work With Caroline ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/invite-caroline-to-speak/) > When you are neurodivergent, connection can feel confusing, inconsistent, and out of reach. But the problem is not who you are. It is that no one showed you how to navigate a world that was not designed for your brain. And that is something we can work on together. ## My Mission My mission has always been clear: to help people learn how friendships work, without asking them to erase who they are. That mission became the foundation of my award-winning book, ***Why Will No One Play with Me?***. As a mom, this work has always been personal for me. I understand the questions parents ask and the worry that comes with wanting your child to feel connected and included, and that perspective shapes everything I teach. The book began as my master’s thesis while earning my M.Ed. in Early Childhood Development with a focus on Social Emotional Learning at [Lesley University](https://lesley.edu). I’m grateful it has gone on to win multiple national awards and continues to help thousands of parents, educators, and clinicians coach social skills as people move through different stages of life. [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/media/) ## Expanding The Work To Adults Over time, my work naturally expanded beyond children and families to include teens, college students, and adults. I’ve never believed people outgrow the need for connection, or that belonging should get harder with age. Over and over, adults told me some version of, *“I don’t even know how to make friends myself.”* That realization led to my forthcoming book, ***Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults*** (Balance / Hachette, April 2026). Rather than prescribing a right way to do friendship, I focus on what actually helps people move forward. I’m sharing tools I actually use, small experiments people can try, and ways of showing up that feel realistic, even if connections in the past have been hard, disappointing, or exhausting. [ Get a copy Of My Latest Book ](https://www.amazon.com/Friendship-Skills-Neurodivergent-Adults-Distracted/dp/1538773082) ## How I Work Today Today, I see a small number of adult and young adult clients, focusing on more complex or nuanced situations that keep me sharp. I’m especially committed to the people who’ve been told, directly or indirectly, that connection just may not be for them. My broader impact comes through training other coaches, developing social skills curricula for schools, universities, and community programs, and speaking to audiences around the world. I am also the founder and director of ADD Coach Academy’s Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families, the only family-focused coach training program accredited by the[ International Coach Federation.](https://coachingfederation.org) ## Speaking, Training & Media I am a TEDx speaker and a frequent keynote presenter at national and international conferences, including the International Conference on ADHD. My work has been featured in *U.S. News & World Report, The New York Times, NPR, ADDitude, Attention Magazine,* and *WebMD*. I am also the host of The ADHD Social Playbook podcast. [ Caroline Maguire's CV ](/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Maguire-CV.pdf) [ Speaking Brochure ](/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Speaking_Kit.pdf) [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Book Bonuses](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/book-bonuses/) **Published:** January 16, 2026 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** ### Order Caroline Maguire's New Book # Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults #### a guide for the anxious, uniquely wired, and easily distracted [ Order Today ](https://www.amazon.com/Friendship-Skills-Neurodivergent-Adults-Distracted/dp/1538773082)    #### And get your bonus gifts below  “For Autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD adults who want practical guidance for real connection- this book was written with you in mind.”  Jessica McCabeNew York Times bestselling author of How to ADHD Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults is the kind of book that meets you where you are. Caroline Maguire breaks down social concepts with clarity, compassion, and metaphor in a way that feels genuinely respectful to neurodivergent experience. Nothing here is patronizing or prescriptive — it’s practical, hopeful, and deeply human. She names the realities so many of us carry while offering clear paths toward friendship that don’t ask you to mask or contort yourself. A needed and affirming guide for our community.  Megan Anna Neff, PsyDClinical psychologist; author of Self-Care for Autistic People; and founder of Neurodivergent Insights As an autistic ADHD therapist and coach who spent decades feeling like an alien in my own life, I know how brutal friendship can feel for neurodivergent adults. Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults: A Guide for the Anxious, Uniquely Wired, and Easily Distracted gives autistic and ADHD adults something we rarely get: concrete language, permission to honor our sensory and social limits, and a way to build real connection without masking ourselves into burnout. Caroline treats autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people as worthy of love exactly as we are, then walks readers through small, doable steps that make belonging feel possible instead of out of reach.  Patrick CasaleAuDHD mental health therapist, neurodivergent business coach, TEDx speaker, and host of the All Things Private Practice and Divergent Conversations podcasts This is the friendship manual we should’ve had years ago. Caroline breaks down the patterns, the steps, and the ‘how’ with a clarity that makes friendship finally make sense. The result is practical, pioneering, and genuinely groundbreaking.  Tracy OtsukaAuthor of ADHD for Smart Ass Women Caroline Maguire is a relationship guru for anyone with a neurodiversity, especially those with ADHD and anxiety. Her book is an extraordinary offering full of warmth, insight and depth. It’s a useful and fun must read.  Dr. Ned HallowellNew York Times bestselling co-author of Driven to Distraction and ADHD 2.0 Friendship can be difficult for the neurodivergent. Thankfully, Caroline Maguire provides us with the strategies and tools needed to rise to the challenge! In Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, she shares meaningful ideas and actionable exercises that help us connect with others, exploring everything from friendship anxiety, masking (and unmasking), how to tell if someone will be a good friend, and friendship maintenance. And the book is written in a neurodiverse-friendly way that chunks information for easy processing, and revisits key concepts to make sure we remember them. It’s great! Buy this book!  Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S.Author or “Overcoming the Wall of Awful” and host of the ADHD Essentials Podcast ## Get your copy & Book BOnuses today ### Claim Your Free Book Bonuses **Complete Form to Receive Your Free Bonus Gifts To Help You Learn How To:** - Stop second-guessing conversations… learn how to read the room so you know what’s actually happening - Read/interpret social cues in real time (not hours later) - Understand where you stand in any friendship - Know what to say next without overthinking or second-guessing yourself - Start seeing immediate shifts in how people respond to you in your personal and professional life        ## The Story Behind Friendship Skills for Neurodiverse Adults **FRIENDSHIP SKILLS FOR NEURODIVERGENT ADULTS** is more than a book, it’s part of a growing movement for countless neurodivergent adults searching for answers to a question they’ve carried for years: *Why has making friends been so hard?* Caroline Maguire’s work meets this moment with affirming, shame-free strategies that help people build genuine connection without pretending to be someone they’re not. As a neurodivergent person with ADHD, dyslexia, and learning disabilities, Maguire brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. **Friendship Skills for Neurodiverse Adults delivers a hopeful message:** belonging is possible. Friendship is learnable. And you don’t have to change who you are to get there. Grounded in science and designed for real life, *Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults* offers practical guidance, including scripts, tips, and strategies that support neurodivergent adults in finding meaningful friendships. [ Order Today ](https://www.amazon.com/Friendship-Skills-Neurodivergent-Adults-Distracted/dp/1538773082)    ## About Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. **Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC** is an internationally recognized expert in social-emotional learning, ADHD coaching, and relationship development. She is the author of the award-winning book, *Why Will No One Play with Me?* and the forthcoming ***FRIENDSHIP SKILLS FOR NEURODIVERGENT ADULTS*** (Balance Books, April 2026), and hosts *The ADHD Social Playbook* podcast. An educator, coach, and sought-after speaker, Caroline developed a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology that equips parents, clinicians, and educators with practical tools to build self-awareness, emotional regulation, social understanding, and meaningful relationships. As a neurodivergent person with ADHD, dyslexia, and learning disabilities, she brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. Maguire is a graduate of Trinity College and holds a Masters in Education and early childhood development from Lesley University. She is also a graduate of the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) and the founder and director of ADDCA’s Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families, the only family-focused coach training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). A featured TEDx speaker and a keynote presenter at the International Conference on ADHD, her work has been covered in *U.S. News & World Report, MindBodyGreen, Salon, Huffington Post, TODAY Parenting, ADDitude, Attention Magazine,* and *WebMD*. --- ### [Pre-Order Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/pre-order-friendship-skills-for-neurodivergent-adults/) **Published:** October 31, 2025 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** I’m so excited to announce my new book ***Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults*** will be available for presale this Fall. To be notified when the book is available, please share your name and email and we will notify you once it’s on Amazon. ****** As a thank you for your support, I will also send over a few of the “book bonuses” that are extra *(and not included in either the book itself or the bonuses we created for the book)*. These extra gifts are my way of saying THANK YOU for your support and kindness. Please look for an email from me later in the fall with all of the extra goodies we have created just for you! THANK YOU for supporting this amazing journey of bringing Friendship Skills to our Neurodivergent community! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [The Blind Spots for Women with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-blind-spots-for-adhd-women/) **Published:** January 20, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello Women with ADHD! Welcome! I’m delighted you joined me! Please watch my free video gift ***The Blind Spot Mirror Social Issues Women with ADHD Often Face*** Click enter your contact information to watch the video – **Couldn’t someone have told me I was embarrassing myself?** You force yourself into an uncomfortable social situation to hopefully make new friends and end social isolation, only to have accomplished the complete opposite. You now feel insulted, rejected and even more lonely. Why does this keep happening to you? In this free download video I will explain why women with ADHD often feel lonely and how they can edit their contributions in social situations to make friends and engender compatibility. For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on how to develop social skills, check out *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* Please also check out my [YouTube videos](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) for more advice on Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training. Cheers to you! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at Caroline@CarolineMaguireAuthor.com Please follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineM --- ### [Trainings and Topics](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/trainings-and-topics/) **Published:** September 7, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Trainings & Topics  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus leo. --- ### [Linda King - The Joy of Getting Things Done](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/linda-king-the-joy-of-getting-things-done/) **Published:** August 31, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## Linda King – The Joy of Getting Things Done  #### Client Specialties teens | young adults | adults #### Coaching Options Offered in person | video calls | on the phone #### Certifications and Designations ICF Certified | FAM Coach Linda King is a former educator, former parenting instructor (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting), and current ADHD coach with nearly a decade of ADHD coaching experience. She has completed over 300 hours of ADHD coach training, including family-specific training. Linda holds advanced certifications in both ADHD coaching and life coaching. Linda believes that individuals and families struggling with the challenges of ADHD have the potential to become happier, less stressed, and healthier. As a coach, Linda works with each client to understand their biggest challenges as well as their strengths and passions. Each ADHD brain has unique wiring. She first helps her clients understand this wiring, then teaches them to work with ADHD—not against it. Linda also works with family members to help them better understand their loved one’s challenges. 836 Main Street, Reading, MA 01867, United States [ Email Linda ](mailto:Linda@JoyofGTD.com) [ Visit Site ](https://www.joyofgtd.com/) --- ### [Your Personal Uncomfortable Meter](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/personal-uncomfortable-meter/) **Published:** August 22, 2025 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed in certain social situations but calm and confident in others? Everyone has a personal “comfort zone,” but with ADHD it can be harder to recognize when you are sliding from ease into stress or anxiety. The key is learning to spot your own signs before things feel “too much.” That is why I created ***Your Personal Uncomfortable Meter***, a free guide that helps you map out your unique levels of stress and discomfort.****** Inside, you will find an easy framework to chart what feels safe, what pushes your limits, and what sends you into overload. By noticing these patterns, you can begin to anticipate your triggers, protect your energy, and navigate social situations with more confidence. When you download this free gift, you can start the process of discovering exactly what your brain needs to feel safe, calm and in control of your life. This strategy is a great way to build more self-awareness and make choices that keep you balanced and connected. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Worried Your Kid Has Failure To Launch Syndrome?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teens-young-adults/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** # The Importance of Social Skills in Teens and Young Adults We are not born with social skills – they must be taught. Our kids’ future career and relationship success depends on how well they harness social skills now. Failure to launch syndrome is prevalent in today’s society. Your gift to your teen or young adult is to give them plenty of opportunities to put their face-to-face communication skills to the test.  ## The Importance of Face-to-Face Interactions Texting and messaging do not replace critical face-to-face interactions. We owe it to our kids to help them learn how to communicate effectively, both online and off. Knowing how to converse and handle themselves with all kinds of people, and in all types of situations, will help your teen and young adult leave home with the necessary social skills to thrive. This may be a long journey – especially if your teen or young adult is resistant. She may not show enthusiasm to work with you, but do not surrender. Step into their shoes, really explore with them and continue to have an open, collaborative conversation. ## Key Ingredients for a Socially Fulfilling Life Interpersonal Interactions Sense of Belonging Safety, Self-confidence, Resiliency and Joy Interpersonal Interactions One of the hardest parts of being a teen is breaking out of their protective shells. Help you kid to build the social skills need to thrive. 1. **Making Eye Contact** Making eye contact is one of the more important social skills, yet it doesn’t come easy for many teens. Shyness, low self-esteem, screens, lack of interest, “not feeling it!” or not realizing what they are doing are some of the reasons they need reminders.A quick tip is encourage your child to look the partner in the eye for 50% of the time when they are talking, and 70% when listening. Another option is to hold eye contact for a few seconds, then to look away (slowly and naturally) and then to return. 2. **Interacting with Adults** When interacting with a professor, advisor or a friend’s parent, “Wassup, dude!” doesn’t cut it. Help your teen or young adult practice proper introductions – with eye contact – and to use names when addressing or introducing adults. This will take practice as they probably have not had much experience talking to adults. In time, they will become less intimidated and more natural around adults. 3. **Engaging in Reciprocal Conversations**Conversations require give and take. A general rule of thumb is to show the same – or even more interest – when responding. One simple trick is to help your kid respond to a question or comment with another question or comment. For example, if someone asks, “How are you?,” our teen could respond with “I’m OK, working hard at trying to ace the next test.” Extra credit for showing interest in others first! Read more: Build on That 4. **Reading Non-verbal Language** Studies show that 60 percent of what a person communicates is via nonverbal facial expressions and body language. Not only do we need to read others, we need to acknowledge and monitor our own nonverbal messaging. In other words, yes, that eye roll was noticed! Read more about nonverbal communication cues. Read the Room 5. **Listening** Listening for most teens basically means not talking for a bit, until you can jump in and talk about yourself. Listening to comprehend and knowing what not to say takes time and mastery. Remember what Grandma taught us, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” 6. **Showing Empathy** Yes, our teenagers are self-absorbed – and it’s a normal part of the development process as they work to form their own identity. Expressing empathy and sympathy for others doesn’t comes naturally to a lot of teens. This is where modeling of showing concern, care and compassion for others and showing a genuine willingness to jump in and help will coach our teens to do the same. 7. **Making a Great First Impression** First impressions take only 3 seconds to form. Our teens need to learn that going for the job interview or the first date, they need to start by smiling, dressing appropriately, showing up on time shaking hands, being attentive and polite and being courteous. They have much to offer, so encourage them to be themselves and not trying to adopt a personality or mannerism that isn’t genuine. Sense of Belonging ### A Sense of Belonging Starts at Home Nurturing our teen’s sense of belonging starts at home. Without support, unconditional love, acceptance and encouragement, a teen will look for belonging in all the wrong places, and with the wrong people. Your teen’s A need to belong is so strong that they compromise who they are – their values, morals or beliefs – at the expense of fitting in. A recent study published by [Pediatrics](https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/144/1/e20183766) confirmed this notion revealing that youth who feel strong family and school connectedness are 66 percent less likely to experience long-term health risks into adulthood including mental health, violence, sexual behavior and substance abuse – a statistic that rings true even more so amidst our kids’ struggle with isolation during the pandemic. 1. **Choosing Friends** The old adage, “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver, the other gold” holds especially true as your teen goes off to college (or starts a new life). They will meet lots and lots of people- peers, romantic interests, professors, sports teammates, etc, and although that is good and healthy, remind them to stay close to long-term relationships they hold dear – family, friends, grandparents, etc. Check out these [5 Ways To Help Your Teen Build Authentic, Lasting Friendships](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-parents-can-help-develop-social-skills-for-teens) 2. **Handling disagreements** Conflict resolution is a key component of socialization that most of us encounter on a daily basis. Help your teen or young adult prepare to deal with conflicts in advance. Many teens and young adults have difficulty communicating their feelings without allowing emotions to take over the conversation. Work with your kid on how to get a positive conversation started. I recommend modeling a pretend conversation to practice positive, productive communication regularly. This life skill prepares our kids to make, strengthen, and salvage relationships. 3. **Bullying, teasing, rejection, gossip, and cyberbullying** Talk to your kids about the proper way to treat people, and furthermore, model that behavior. Sit with the mom who pleases you less or maybe is even a bit boring or strange; give her a chance and you might be surprised what you learn about her. It is important we all do this, because our kids are watching. 4. **Romantic Relationships** Broken hearts hurt no matter the age. A few suggestions such as taking things slowly, looking for shared values, looking out for red flags, trusting instincts and not settling may possibly help avoid some future pain. [Read more on social skills and intimacy](/intimacy-and-relationships/). Safety, Self-confidence, Resiliency and Joy 1. **Personal Safety** Nothing scares a parent more than the potential for harm. You can never have enough discussions around safety to make sure they understand fully the danger, risk and consequences of any risky behavior. Remind them to be aware of their surroundings, use the buddy system, lock doors, and be extra careful when getting into their car. Additional topics include risky behaviors such as drinking excessively, drugs, sex and consent, driving while intoxicated or distracted, etc. 2. **Accepting Responsibility** As adults, we must accept full responsibility for what we say and do. Creating a culture of accountability, assigning chores and expecting rules to be followed helps pave the way. 3. **Time Management Skills/Prioritizing** Procrastination is a hard to fight against, but an important skill to learn. Help your teen understand that distractions are often the culprit and staying organized will be important to their future success as a student and as an employee. 4. **Fostering a Strong Work Ethic** School, work and obligations can be exhausting to manage. Help you kid to build a strong work ethic by assigning chores, letting them reap the consequences of their actions, and recognizing that hard work happens each and every day, whether at school or at work. 5. **A Grateful Heart** Acquiring appreciation and gratitude may be one of the most important life skills. Helping your child understand the importance of giving to others, of appreciating the good even in the bad, and nurturing positive relationships will help build gratitude and joy over their lifetime. 6. **The Importance of Well-Being** You have done your best to prepare healthy meals and now it is time for them to make choices on their own. Remind your kid “why” salads over red meat, exercise over being a couch potato and the importance of healthy stress management techniques are important. 7. **Managing Money** Managing money is another critical life skill. Learning how to review interest rates, apply for a credit card, save money, make a monthly budget, avoid overspending, recognize fraud and shopping for deals will go a long way with a teenager who’s living life on their own for the first time. ## Products Designed for Teens and Young Adults These recommendations have been specifically curated for you. Please feel free to browse these – and many other products – in our [Store](/store/) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) Infographics [## Joining a Group Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) $2.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3498) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) Bundles [## Rusty Social Skills Bundle](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) $19.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3507) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) Videos [## Steps for Joining a Group Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) $9.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3519) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) eBooks [## Moving from Hi to Full Conversation – eBook](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) $9.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3525) ## Teen and Young Adult Blogs: [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-reasons-why-were-all-hyper-sensitive-now-and-how-you-can-take-your-sanity-back/ "5 Reasons Why We’re All Hyper-Sensitive Now (And How You Can Take Your Sanity Back)") #### [ 5 Reasons Why We’re All Hyper-Sensitive Now (And How You Can Take Your Sanity Back) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-reasons-why-were-all-hyper-sensitive-now-and-how-you-can-take-your-sanity-back/) March 17, 2021 No Comments Why We are Sensitive During COVID-19 For some – maybe for you – this pandemic has been dreadful. The isolation and loneliness. A job loss. ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-reasons-why-were-all-hyper-sensitive-now-and-how-you-can-take-your-sanity-back/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/ "How Adept Are You at Reading the Room?") #### [ How Adept Are You at Reading the Room? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/) March 3, 2021 No Comments The Importance of Tailoring Messages Have you ever mis-spoken? Have you mistakenly hurt, offended or alienated someone? More than likely, you answer yes. And more ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/white-noise-experience-an-answer-to-getting-work-done/ "The White Noise Experience: An Answer to Getting Work Done") #### [ The White Noise Experience: An Answer to Getting Work Done ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/white-noise-experience-an-answer-to-getting-work-done/) November 7, 2018 No Comments I could not work in the library. I could not work in my dorm room. Baffled by the dilemma, I bounced from space to space, ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/white-noise-experience-an-answer-to-getting-work-done/) ## Additional Resources for Teens and Young Adults **[The Effects of Social Emotional Distancing on Teens’ Social Emotional Development](https://attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/8744521938508888848?source=OP+Website)** (Excellent and free presentation once you complete the form.) [**The Lonely Teen**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/lonely-teen/) [**Teens who cling to the wrong friends.**](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-parents-can-help-develop-social-skills-for-teens) **[How to Teach Online Etiquette](https://chadd.org/how-do-you-teach-online-etiquette/T)**. --- ### [How to Tell a Tight Story & Avoid TMI (Too Much Information) When It Matters Most](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tell-a-tight-story/) **Published:** March 24, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! You can download my free gift **“How to Tell a Tight Story”** right here. ****** In this video, you’ll learn many of the important skills required to stop TMI (too much information) before it happens. ##### **This includes:** - how to recognize when you are talking for too long - how to notice when you’re sharing more than needed in the moment - how to focus on the topic being discussed - how to assess others’ interest in what you’re saying/sharing - and how to share things in conversation that are engaging and inclusive to the people you’re talking with! Learning how to reduce TMI and oversharing takes time. Learning how to tell a “tight story” is a skill that with practice and feedback become easier. All of it is covered in the video and more! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Upcoming Events](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/upcoming-events/) **Published:** September 7, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Upcoming Events #### Is there a difference between lonely and alone? YES! Looking for a charismatic speaker with expertise on Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and Social Skills development for children and adults? Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, is the author of *[Why Will No One Play With Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* a playbook for coaching children on how to build valuable social emotional skills. Caroline has been sought out by organizations across the globe.  Caroline is that perfect combination of knowledgeable expert and empathetic best friend (if you are lucky enough to have a best friend this great). She knows her stuff, partly because she has been there. She has the stories to tell and the wit, humility, and wisdom to make those stories meaningful. Audiences have good reasons to love her. Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA, International Conference on ADHD Co-Chair [ Invite Caroline to Speak at Your Event ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/invite-caroline-to-speak/) #### Upcoming SEL training, events, and speaking engagements with Caroline. [ Praise, Topics and Download Speakers Brochure ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/speaking/) [ Watch Caroline's Presentations ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC) --- ### [Unlocking Self-Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/unlocking-self-confidence/) **Published:** August 22, 2025 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** **Do you ever feel like your confidence slips when ADHD challenges show up, whether it’s overthinking, second-guessing yourself, or replaying conversations in your head?** You are not alone. Confidence is not about being perfect. It grows from small, doable steps that help you feel more grounded, capable, and connected. That is why I created *Unlocking Self-Confidence*, a free guide with five ADHD-friendly hacks that are simple, practical, and easy to use right away. These ******strategies will help you shift your self-talk, celebrate your wins, and focus on your strengths so you can build real momentum Get instant access to this guide and become part of a community where I share tools, stories, and insights to help you thrive in friendships, relationships, and daily life. With the right strategies, you do not have to stay stuck in self-doubt. You can take small, confident steps toward the life and connections you deserve. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Shop](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/shop/) **Published:** August 4, 2022 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** ## Caroline Maguire's Store Below you will find products, webinars, resources and more to help parents, teachers and adults living with ADHD and other expressions of neurodiversity. Not sure what you’re looking for? Use the search or the popular listings to find new and interesting offerings from Caroline Maguire, M.Ed ##### Search Here Search for:Search Button Sort By - Popular - Newest - Oldest Filter By Category - Bundles - eBooks - Infographics - Parents - Videos Filter By Price $Minimum Price - Maximum Price Check to see On Sale Products - On Sale Reset - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/improve-social-skills-professionally-with-peers/) [## How to Improve Social Skills Professionally & With Peers Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/improve-social-skills-professionally-with-peers/) $9.99 All too often, people with ADHD overshare. Instead of sharing "just enough" they fall into the trap of "TMI" or... - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=6190) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) [## Meeting People with Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) $19.99 This self-study course teaches you how to build the skills to feel confident meeting new people and engaging in conversations. - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=6167) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/become-more-emotionally-intelligent-and-read-the-room/) [## Become More Emotionally Intelligent and Read the Room](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/become-more-emotionally-intelligent-and-read-the-room/) $2.99 EQ matters just as much as IQ. Learn how you can boost your emotional intelligence, build stronger relationships, and achieve... - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=5988) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-and-what-to-say-to-whom/) [## How and What to Say Depending on Level of Familiarity - eBook](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-and-what-to-say-to-whom/) $9.99 WHAT you say is dependent on WHO you are saying it to and the level of familiarity. Learn how to... - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=5974) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/path-to-intimacy-sharing-depending-on-the-types-of-relationships/) [## Path to Intimacy - Sharing Depending on the Types of Relationships](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/path-to-intimacy-sharing-depending-on-the-types-of-relationships/) $2.99 How you talk, what you share and how your feel are closely related to the extent of intimacy you have... - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=5830) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/15-friendship-conversation-starters/) [## 15 Friendship Conversation Starters](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/15-friendship-conversation-starters/) $2.99 15 Phrases to Start Conversations About Friendship with Your Child or Teen - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=5441) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/ten-ways-to-teach-social-skills-in-daily-life/) [## Ten Ways to Teach Social Skills in Daily Life](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/ten-ways-to-teach-social-skills-in-daily-life/) $2.99 Social skills teaching opportunities abound in daily life. - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=5446) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-approach-tough-topics-infographic/) [## How to Approach Tough Topics Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-approach-tough-topics-infographic/) $2.99 How to prepare for, and engage in, difficult conversations. - [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=5444) - [1](javascript:void(0);) - [2](javascript:void(0);) - [3](javascript:void(0);) - [→](javascript:void(0);) --- ### [Ted Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ted-talk/) **Published:** November 22, 2022 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** # Becoming a Social Spy: How to Read People Using Observational Learning [ Watch Now! ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7Dia1TwTuY)     ## Subscribe To My Bi-monthly Newsletter Pick The Newsletter That’s Right For You! Parents Adults Educators/Professionals Parents Sign Up Today Adults Sign Up Today Educators/Professionals Sign Up Today ## It’s impossible to understand everyone, right? Sometimes we can’t even understand ourselves, let alone everyone from our most intimate partner to the man on the street. I’m here to tell you it *is* possible. What’s the secret? Self-awareness. In my work as a social skills coach and trainer for people who struggle in social situations, I’ve come to recognize that by improving their self-awareness, they were better able to step into other people’s shoes and therefore better understand others perspectives. I’m going to share with you a deceptively simple exercise I developed called “Social Spy” that will help you read people of almost any age and in almost any social situation. In fact, it is so simple, you can employ it immediately after this talk. So, YES, it’s not impossible to understand everyone and your understanding can be limitless! “We hear over and over again the importance of human connection, yet what does it mean, look like, practiced, and made a habit? Caroline’s TEDx talk made me realize that without perfecting the art of “mutual engagement,” we can’t connect to friends, clients and partners using social spy.” KathyADHD Coach “When you hear Caroline speak you feel like she is talking just to you. She is funny and engaging and you move between big aha’s and feeling like someone finally gets it.” Jenmom of 2 “The ultimate blueprint for neurodiverse people to feel confident and build strong connections.” Ella Perezself-proclaimed neurodiverse 20-something “You really want to understand people and you think to do this you should talk or even listen but Caroline Maguire shows you with her Ted talk that what you really should do is pause and observe.” DanExecutive Coach fortune 500 companies    ## About Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., is the founder of a revolutionary Social Emotional Learning methodology that breaks down the complexity of human connection into easy, actionable steps. A seasoned social skills coach and author, Ms. Maguire is a leading expert on what it takes to move from loneliness to chit chat to creating lasting relationships. She holds a Master’s in Education with a concentration in SEL training and is the author of *Why Will No One Play with Me?*, the winner of 3 awards including the Best Parenting and Family Book 2020 as awarded by American Book Fest. After several years as a highly respected social skills clinician at the Hallowell Center, Ms. Maguire formed her own private practice and founded ADHD Coach Academy’s (ADDCA) training curriculum, The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families. She is a sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator and is widely published in leading publications including News & World Report, New York Times, Washington Post, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude, Attention Magazine and WebMD. --- ### [Thank You](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/thank-you/) **Published:** May 16, 2023 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** ## Thank You! your Purchase is completed Please check your email to download the products. [ Back to home ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) --- ### [Teacher Bundle - Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teacher-bundle/) **Published:** April 4, 2024 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Teachers do so much to help kids in their care. My contribution to help neurodivergent kids is to share a few handouts to support you in your work. You can download them right here. ****** There are 4 worksheets in a “zip” file so they’re bundled together and easy for you to access. **After entering your email to the right, the bundle will be sent directly to you:** - save it to your computer - click on the zip file to open - once opened, you’ll find 4 separate worksheets to review My hope is that these tools will help you with using ***Why Will No One Play With Me***. There are references from the book + details for how to find specific exercises and activities in the book. If there is anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can email me your questions and thoughts at ****** Wishing you well! Caroline [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Social Emotional Learning & Social Skills Training](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/home/) **Published:** January 19, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:**  Social Emotional Learning & Social Skills Training **Caroline Maguire –NO PREP SOCIAL SKILLS COACHING** **– Helping Parents, Families and Adults navigate today’s complex social emotional world.** [ Learn More ](/social-emotional-learning/) - [ ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) - [ ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) - [ ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) - [ ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) - [ ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) - [ ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire) ###### Leading media outlets rely on Caroline’s expertise in social emotional learning:             ##### Caroline Maguire M. Ed. ACCG, PCC ## Welcome to my website and community! You may be searching for social emotional learning answers for yourself, your child, your school, or your clients for **HOW TO:** - **Connect** - **Get along** - **Understand everyone** **Find the answers here.** I am all about “real world”, easy-to-follow solutions so you, your child, your students, or your clients can learn how to relate to others. From chit chat, to deeper connections, interacting in groups, to being a true friend, **I teach people how to connect with greater confidence… and thrive.** Join me on this journey where you will experience what it takes to create the kind of connections and relationships that social-emotional learning makes possible for us all. [ About Caroline ](/about) We want our **relationships to work seamlessly** – without defects – where **everyone is enriched** and has a sense of purpose, yet this is not the case for everyone. We may have had too many failures, long stretches of loneliness, attempts at reaching out that were thwarted, social anxiety, etc. But we can overcome this! #### **B*ecome your best self: socially engaged, confident, and open to the unlimited world of learning and connection.*** ### Critical Social Emotional Skills: [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-stop-avoiding-eye-contact/) ### [ Eye Contact ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-stop-avoiding-eye-contact/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) ### [ Small Talk ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/) ### [ Reading the Room ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-critical-need-for-empathy/) ### [ Empathy ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-critical-need-for-empathy/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-start-of-school/) ### [ Building Social Skills ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-start-of-school/) ### NO PREP Social Emotional Learning & Social Skills Training The better we clarify what we are attempting to fix, the more efficient we’ll be in solving the problem. Discover the connection between health and friendship so you – and your child, family, students – can better develop and nurture connections. ## Video Goes Here Imperdiet tempor purus, maecenas pretium et dolor turpis arcu nec orci arcu lacus dictum nunc, ridiculus a vestibulum sapien erat nulla ipsum magna odio. [ Learn More ](#) #### FAMILIES [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/families/) Without adequate and appropriate social skills training, your child or teen may not outgrow their weaknesses. Learn how to coach kids to develop and practice the social skills that enable “natural” social interaction. [ Families ](/families) #### EDUCATORS [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/educators/) Proximity does not ensure teamwork. Our systematic approach to building social emotional learning skills helps you lead students to become productive team members, set goals, build positive relationships and develop long-term societal benefits. [ Educators ](/educators) #### ADULTs [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adults/) Start your journey to better socializing here. Learn how to make friends, warm up to any social interaction, understand others, their emotions and social situations. It is never too late to learn these lifetime social skills. [ Adults ](/adults) ## Blogs & Articles Curated and timely resources [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/)### [ Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) May 1, 2026 There is a particular kind of loneliness I hear frequently from women who were diagnosed with ADHD later in life. These are smart, capable, deeply thoughtful women. They run meetings, [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/)### [ Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) March 11, 2026 You get home. Maybe you’re still in the car, pulling out of the parking lot. And then, out of nowhere… It starts. Did I talk too much? Why did I [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/)### [ Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) February 28, 2026 Have you ever left a conversation and felt a spike of panic? You replay what you said. You analyze their tone. You notice a delayed response to your text. Within [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) ## Get the Book! An eight-year-old boy’s simple question revealed a secret suffering that haunted so many…. “Why Will No One Play with Me?” I have found a way to help the millions of people suffering with a crippling unmet need: to have friends. [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) - A practical guide for parents, educators, adults and clinicians - Help any child, teen or adult overcome chronic social exclusion - Based on a full range of clinical and coaching interventions - No degrees, training or prep needed - Target specific social skills deficits - [ Winner of Parenting & Family category, The 2020 Best Book Awards ](http://americanbookfest.com/parentingfamily.html) - [ MOM'S CHOICE AWARD ](https://store.momschoiceawards.com/product/9188) - [ BookAuthority's BEST ADHD BOOKS OF ALL TIME! ](http://americanbookfest.com/parentingfamily.html) [ Learn More ](/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)  ## Free Download: Calming Intrusive Thoughts When we engage unwanted, distressing thoughts we lose the ability to read cues, reach out and connect meaningfully. An unfortunate reality is that most of us are leading disconnected lives. **Social connection is proven to:** - augment self-esteem and empathy - lower anxiety and depression - help regulate our emotions - improve our immune systems Download this free copy to learn why intrusive thoughts regularly occur and how to stop them before they put your physical and mental well-being at risk. [ Learn More ](/product/calming-intrusive-thoughts-handout/) ## Praise for Caroline Maguire When I first read the title of Caroline Maguire's book, I expected it to be about social needs of young children. Was I wrong! This amazing book is helping me change the way I communicate with students of all ages. It also gives me scripts to practice in communicating with colleagues, friends, and relatives. I've been an educator for more than 50 years, and this is one book that has had an immediate impact on every aspect of my teaching. I wish Caroline Maguire was around when I was growing up. She uses visuals and catchy phrases to make the strategies memorable--from "Be a Social Spy" to "Taking a Social Right Turn." This is a well-researched guide book, and I recommend a hardback or paperback so you can add sticky notes and return to the drawings (that don't show up as well in the Kindle edition). My book is bristling with sticky-notes because there are so many useful tools.  Penny MoldofskyDirector of the Literacy Institute at Woodlynde School Too often, the metrics of success we use to evaluate our children are focused on hard skills like reading or math. But what about learning how to have a conversation, sustain a relationship, or feel comfortable walking into a room filled with strangers? Kids today struggle with loneliness and anxiety because they are increasingly not equipped with the tools they need to feel comfortable in their own skin—but there is hope. Social skills can be taught and developed; what Caroline Maguire has done in this book is write the ultimate guide for parents to tutor kids of all ages on how to make friends and flourish in any social setting.  Michele BorbaAuthor, *Unselfie*  “In et fringilla purus volutpat viverra sed felis nibh ullamcorper massa, turpis malesuada faucibus sit tristique ut natoque vel adipiscing nisi, vitae nec.” ###### Jonah Schwarz  My son wouldn't even engage in a discussion about his social skills. He could be rude and only wanted to play video games. It is a process that, given time, patience and effort will be worth it both for your child’s social skills and for your parent-child relationship. JenniferMother I thought I was doing something wrong—that I was a bad parent and that my son’s behavioral problems reflected poorly on me. What really helped me was understanding how the brain works. Iris M. Mother The biggest gift the coaching program was recognizing Gracie’s strengths and uniqueness. We can now acknowledge and accept her ways of moving through the world. I only wish that there was enough of Caroline to go around ... Gretchen L. MotherPlay Better Coaching Graduate At first, I felt overwhelmed and sure there would be no way I could do this. Using coaching to talk about hard things with my son made our conversations less antagonistic. Patrick M. Father My daughter was struggling with ADHD and anxiety. When we started Caroline Maguire’s coaching program, we saw a huge improvement right away. The program helped me communicate better and Jenny learned to pause, problem-solve, cope with her emotions, and calm herself. Pam K. Mother “Vitae purus ante enim, nec iaculis proin erat in nullam ipsum ut in vitae nec aliquam at mattis fermentum sagittis.” ###### Erin Lawrence  “Commodo viverra platea sed mauris ac, aliquam pellentesque dui, etiam tortor, tincidunt ipsum ac at mi id vitae pretium ac vulputate odio varius.” ###### Teddy Park --- ### [Social Emotional Learning](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-learning/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** > “Even in this pandemic age, it’s hard to find resources that clearly explain SEL's benefits, much less teach strategies to deliver SEL in the classroom, in our homes and in the community” > > Caroline Maguire ## SEL Competencies ### How do SEL Core Competencies Apply to Children? Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) encompasses the core competencies of emotional intelligence and relationship-building skills. It is how ***all humans*** acquire and use skills, knowledge and experiences to manage emotions, self-motivate, empathize, make good decisions and foster positive relationships.  Image courtesy of [chooselovemovement.org](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/) [  ](https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/what-is-the-casel-framework/#self-management) Image courtesy of [CASEL.org](https://CASEL.org) We are not born with these skills and behaviors, but they can be learned and nurtured to influence positive changes that are almost immediately recognizable. Among the critical SEL skills the [Collaborative for Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL)](http://www.casel.org) research shows that SEL programming can have positive impacts on school climate by enhancing academic, emotional, and social benefits for students. In addition, SEL is a critical factor to life-long success as it is a critical component of employment stability. ### Now is The Time for Reflection and Resetting The pandemic has changed the way we see the world, now and in the future. Our children will be dictating how society, economy and democracy evolves. The skills that are built today will be the ones employed and taught to the following generation. ## Caroline Maguire’s Unique “HOW TO” Approach to SEL Core Competencies Although inclusion of SEL competencies has become popular recently, they have actually been implemented by organic, homegrown methods for decades by many educators and parents around the world. > My unique approach will SHOW YOU “HOW TO” navigate stress, anxiety, isolation, lack of motivation and a host of other challenges - on all 3 legs of the SEL stool: > School – Home – Community > > Caroline Maguire  #### Caroline’s SEL instructions have been created and refined for more than a decade. The materials include the latest mindfulness, cognitive behavioral theory, and neuroscience research and techniques to empower students with the skills of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making. [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adults/)Help anyone understand everyone [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)Provide easy-to-implement, no prep SEL instruction [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/family-parent-engagement/)Bridge the gap between school, home and community [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/educators/)Link learning, kindness, knowledge, empathy, resilience, appreciation of diversity, civic disposition and responsible decision making to the real world ## Read More: [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/ "Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends") #### [ Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) May 1, 2026 No Comments There is a particular kind of loneliness I hear frequently from women who were diagnosed with ADHD later in life. These are smart, capable, deeply ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/ "Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)") #### [ Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) March 11, 2026 No Comments You get home. Maybe you’re still in the car, pulling out of the parking lot. And then, out of nowhere… It starts. Did I talk ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/ "Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately") #### [ Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) February 28, 2026 No Comments Have you ever left a conversation and felt a spike of panic? You replay what you said. You analyze their tone. You notice a delayed ... 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Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/pregame-caroline-maguire-m-ed/) **Published:** April 15, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** For many people, being social is stressful. As much as you want to have friends and meet new people, the idea of being around others causes stress and can make you worry about everything from being judged, to making a mistake or worse. **It’s enough to cause even a brave person to want to stay at home!** I have worked on a plan for myself, friends and clients who want to be social, but need a little something extra to make it work. I call it, the “pregame”! ### Today my secret sauce for feeling “ready” and “prepared” for social events is yours. **** Enter your email to the right, the worksheets will be sent directly to you. My hope is that these tools will help you to feel prepared when you need (or want) to be social. The PreGame is your plan for preparing. Use the guidance to help you create the right plan for your own needs so you are able to feel safe, comfortable and capable of being social whenever, and wherever, you choose to be. If there is anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can email me your questions and thoughts at ****** Wishing you well! Caroline [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Rejection Sensitivity Meter Download](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-meter-download/) **Published:** October 14, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here and thanks for your interest in Rejection Sensitivity. When you experience Rejection Sensitivity, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming and mammoth inside you and it’s crushing – even crippling! Please complete this form to download my free gift called ***[The Rejection Sensitivity Meter](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Intensity-Meter-How-To-ADHD-v.-3-8-28-20-2.pdf).*** Read my blog post on **[Rejection Sensitivity and ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/)** and watch the video I collaborated on with Jessica McCabe of How to ADHD called **[How to Deal With Rejection Sensitivity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM3azhiOy5E).** Cheers to you! xoxoxo Caroline \#ConnectionMatters Please check out my [website](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) for Social Skills Support P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Please follow me on social media at @authorCarolineCM ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in my [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** --- ### [Play Better Webinar](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/play-better-webinar/) **Published:** October 23, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Play Better Webinar Welcome to the Play Better Webinar series! Follow along, chapter by chapter in Why Will No One Play with Me?, yet note – this material dives even deeper into the already packed content, exercises and recommendations found in the book. **You will learn:** - The importance of executive function and how it affects social skills and future thinking – key elements to healthy emotional development. - Perspective Taking and Understanding the Inner Emotional Live of Others. Parents deserve to understand what the professionals know so YOU can help your child witness – for themselves -what their own beliefs and experiences mean. Expanded exercises from the book include: - - Reading between the lines and Paving the way: Both designed to help you shift your communication style with your child to improve collaboration. Let’s work together to discover the connection between health and friendship so you – or your child – can better develop and nurture connections. Jump in. Tab the pages. Equip yourself. We got this! ### You are not alone! This bonus material includes real-life questions from parents and professionals on how to address specific challenges faced when guiding children and teens to gain lifetime SEL competencies. --- ### [How to Strengthen Executive Function Skills in Early Childhood](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/strengthen-executive-function-skills-early-childhood/) **Published:** September 29, 2023 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Hello! Thank you so much for your interest in learning more about ***How to Improve Strengthen Executive Functioning Skills in Early Childhood.*** In this ebook you will learn a game to play with kids that teaches some basic EF skills. Ideally, this is fun and low pressure for everyone. Learning in this way encourages repetition and practice is how kids really “get it.” **You can download my free gift right here. ** Play the game over and over again for greater proficiency and confidence. Please let me know if you have questions and don’t hesitate to reach out if I can help you more! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [How To Make Small Talk & Chit Chat](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk-chit-chat/) **Published:** August 5, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m so glad you found your way to this landing page and my free gift. As a person with ADHD myself, I have tried many things to feel more comfortable chatting with strangers, not always to the greatest results. When I noticed how often my clients and readers bring this topic up, I decided to work on a solution that works for us all. Chit chat and small talk are both important on the journey to make a new friend, **so in** **this worksheet you will find:** - a super easy reminder for how small talk can work so it’s less stressful on your nervous system - strategies for what to talk about when you have to interact with strangers - how to follow small talk so you see the signs for where your chat is going - how to know your chit chat is ending - and more! This tool is meant to be neurodivergent friendly and will help you learn how to chat with people to fit your interests and want to connect with you, just as you are. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [How to Improve Social Skills Professionally and with Peers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-improve-social-skills-professionally-and-with-peers/) **Published:** March 4, 2022 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## How to Improve Social Skills Professionally and with Peers Caroline Maguire coaches YOU on HOW TO improve social skills such as HOW TO read the room, demonstrate executive presence and more. [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [How To SEL Affiliates Information](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel-affiliates-information/) **Published:** April 29, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** # Join How To SEL Affiliate Program ### Affordable professional coaching program and instructional information about “how to” teach SEL to children. Please help in our mission to get these desperately-needed skills and tools into as many homes as possible by promoting How To SEL to your audience in whatever way that you would feel most comfortable. Our affiliates have full access to a collection of social media creative and promotional content (or you are free to use your own content!) and the ability to track your specific referrals. **We would like to extend you the affiliate offer of 10% per subscriber that you refer through your customized link.** To learn more about our affiliate program, please [email me](mailto:Caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com). [www.HowToSEL.com](http://www.howtosel.com/). ### All proceeds benefit Choose Love For Schools – a free SEL educator program ### Thank you! From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for supporting our mission to improve the social and emotional intelligence of parents and children everywhere, every day! --- ### [How to Improve Self-Awareness, Empathy and Theory of Mind in the Classroom](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/improve-self-awareness-kids-free-ebook/) **Published:** September 29, 2023 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Hello! Thank you so much for your interest in learning more about ***How to Improve Self-Awareness, Empathy and Theory of Mind in the Classroom.*** You can download my free gift **“7 Exercises to Build Self-Awareness”** right here. ****** In this ebook you will learn 7 distinct approaches for helping kids develop a greater understanding of what’s going on internally and how they are projecting that out into the world. These skills can be practiced over and over again for greater proficiency and confidence. All of it is covered in the ebook and more! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Help Your Child with Executive Function Weakness Engage Socially](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-with-executive-function-weakness-engage-socially/) **Published:** March 24, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Thank you for your interest in the **Help Your Child with Executive Function Weakness Engage Socially** handout. Insights Into the Mind of the Child or Teen with Executive Function Challenges. Lack of self-awareness and social skills directly tracks back to executive function weaknesses and poor decision making. Learn to communicate in a way that makes children and teens hold a mirror up to their actions and reflect on who they want to become. Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Please follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineM Help Your Child with Executive Function Weakness Engage Socially La ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire) Name \*First Last Email \* Submit [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in my [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** --- ### [Help Your Child Learn How To Listen Better](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/listen-better-free-gift/) **Published:** September 6, 2023 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! As a parent and a coach, I know that one of the hardest thing to do is to get your child to listen. That includes listening to you, their teachers, and their peers… the truth is that for some kids, the simple act of opening their ears is not easy. As a parent, one of the most important skills you impart on your children is the ability to listen. Listening affects relationships through out the life span and without good listening skills, kids struggle. With friends, in social settings and even in romantic relationships down the road. To help you, I have put together the coaching tips I offer parents and educators on how to support kids with these critical skills. Today, it’s my free gift to you: ***Help Your Child Learn How to Listen Better.*** We all know the social landscape is hard for kids who are neurodiverse. We can help our kids with this critical skill and this is how to bring this kind of coaching right into your own living room. I truly hope that it helps you and your children! Please reach out if there’s more I can do to support you and your family, Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) and follow me on social media at the links below. ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire)  --- ### [Help Your Child Build Social Executive Function](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-build-social-executive-function/) **Published:** June 8, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! You can download my free gift **“Demystify Making Friends”** right here. ****** In this worksheet you will learn to spot the activities, environments and strengths that make the friendship building phase easier for you and your life. **This includes:** - your strengths - places where you’re **more** likely to connect with others - places where you’re **less** likely to connect with others - high interest activities - how to make plans - and more! The 85+ year long [Harvard Happiness Study](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/01/harvard-happiness-study-relationships/672753/) reminds us that friends and meaningful connection are one of the pillars of a happy life. This tool is meant to be neurodivergent friendly and will help you learn how to meet people to fit your interests and want to be friends with you, just as you are. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Green Light Friendship Signals](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/green-light-friendship-signals/) **Published:** March 25, 2024 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** If you have struggled to make friends, this free gift is for you. Download my complimentary guide on **“Green Light Friendship Signals”** right here. ****** In this worksheet you will learn to spot the activities and signs that a true friend gives off when they want to spend more time with you and become even closer. **This includes:** - how they show their interest in you - how you feel when you’re together - how mutual the relationship is - how important you are becoming to your new friend - and more! As a neurodivergent person, making friends may not have always been easy for you, but it’s so important to keep trying to find people who are the right fit for you. Friendship is a key ingredient in a happy life and I want to help you crack the code on this challenge once and for all. This tool is meant to be neurodivergent friendly and will help you learn how to meet people to fit your interests and want to be friends with you, just as you are. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Good Winner, Good Loser](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/good-winner-good-loser-video/) **Published:** May 1, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! Please download my free video gift called ***Good Winner, Good Loser.*** Learn how to help the child who struggles with self-regulation expand his or her self-awareness. Sometimes when the child’s emotions bubble up they can become too much for their playmates. The ***Good Winner Good Loser*** lesson helps the child learn to recognize their warning body signals when emotions begin to get out of control. This lesson, disguised as a game, will provide strategies to help your child prepare for, and manage, big emotions so he or she can change their approach. Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineM ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire)  --- ### [Finding Your Strengths](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/finding-your-strengths/) **Published:** August 22, 2025 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Have you ever felt like you focus more on what is “wrong” than on what makes you shine? When you live with ADHD, it is easy to overlook your strengths and spend more time worrying about your struggles. The truth is, your strengths are already there, waiting to be noticed, celebrated, and used to make connections with others. That is why I created ***Finding Your Strengths*,** a free mini-workbook designed to help you spot what you do well and practice weaving those strengths into your conversations.****** Inside, you will find quick exercises to remind you of your wins, a list of strengths to circle and claim as your own, and simple conversation starters that match your unique abilities. When you download my free gift, you will get instant access to this guide and become part of a community that focuses on encouragement, connection, and real-world strategies to make friendships and daily interactions easier. Because when you lean on your strengths, building confidence and relationships feels so much more natural. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Friendship Red Flags Exercise](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/friendship-red-flags/) **Published:** January 9, 2024 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello, I’m so glad you’re here. Friendship red flags is a particularly important topic in my life and I have worked on tools to help you understand better when a new friend is showing signs of being a great *“potential”* friend versus showing truly **RED** flags that he or she won’t be there for you in the way you wish they would.  Please download my free exercise ***“How Can You Tell if a Friend is Worth Pursuing?”*** so you can spot true friends, “sometimes” friends, and friends who are not likely to be there for you in the long run. If I can help you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m always at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Xoxox Caroline P.S. Follow me on social media at the links below! ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire)  --- ### [Educators: How to Use Why Will No One Play with Me? in group or classroom settings.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/educators-how-to-use-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) **Published:** February 14, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello Educators! I’m delighted you joined me here! Please download my free worksheet: **[Educators: How to Use Why Will No One Play with Me? in group or classroom settings](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Teacher-Long-Version.pdf).** The activities and scripts and corresponding pages from the book that I think are relevant to you are outlined. I offer deeper content in the [**Educator Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/educator-bundle/). I want to make sure my content is relevant to you. I would be so indebted if you would share your experiences on how social skills are affecting you in my **[Survey for Educators.](https://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?f=001-tQulAW58ao1YpjhUs_mIb9MXIZjhzmatW3T2Nex-zVTA98FhsTCE7nLms2icvlbIZ7GSQ5B4oRuRZagCyvnHwO3pJjUO4ygdd8WDsHY9h4vZ459bwzsEAbxYdye8rY4kdATP9BifIOH6c-cCvay7Nl6iT2XZUEzm7aoarfKrb-xHg5dPuoCNw8hphyQQpvI0jDtkASkcVNqFoBJ1TZZ4YRAsQopoPuau576Fpa8edc=&c=aYne1pk49acSwHI4ufgjpZXeALuWRDhphw2UAD5t3SNcpJpenar8kQ==&ch=Uk0mJrSy4RwxjAhvFNEKR7bJ2aT2CJAszzDWML1uUGY_u-O1U-DJzQ==)** Cheers to you! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at **.** Please follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineM . ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire)  --- ### [Demystify Making Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/demystify-making-friends/) **Published:** October 24, 2023 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! You can download my free gift **“Demystify Making Friends”** right here. ****** In this worksheet you will learn to spot the activities, environments and strengths that make the friendship building phase easier for you and your life. **This includes:** - your strengths - places where you’re **more** likely to connect with others - places where you’re **less** likely to connect with others - high interest activities - how to make plans - and more! The 85+ year long [Harvard Happiness Study](https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/01/harvard-happiness-study-relationships/672753/) reminds us that friends and meaningful connection are one of the pillars of a happy life. This tool is meant to be neurodivergent friendly and will help you learn how to meet people to fit your interests and want to be friends with you, just as you are. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Coping with Anxiety and Bombardment](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/coping-with-anxiety-and-bombardment/) **Published:** April 29, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** I’m delighted you joined me here for my free *Coping with Anxiety and Bombardment* download! The prevalence rates of depression and anxiety often come from having a hard time managing the bombardment of life. Learn how to recognize situations that drain your energy so you can be mindful of what is bombarding you. Perhaps the hours of screen time or performance anxiety is stopping you from getting things done? Actively create daily practices that you can draw on to relieve stress, aggression and worry – in yourself and your children. Please download my free video gift called *Coping with Anxiety and Bombardment* – it’s chock full of actionable advice on how to manage anxiety attacks.  For scripts, tools, advice and actionable exercises on how to develop social skills, check out ***[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)*** Please also check out my [YouTube videos](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) for more advice on anxiety and Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training. Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Please follow me on social media @AuthorCarolineM ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire) Name \*First Last Email \* Submit  ## ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the Store: [ Check Out Caroline's Social Skills Store ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) #### [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) ##### [Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. **[Rusty Social Skills Bundle](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) –** Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. **[Coaching Conversations Video Course](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/)** – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios **[From “Hi” to a Full Conversation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) –** How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. **[Joining a group Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) –** Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) –** Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take **[Steps for Joining a Group Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) –** Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group **[How to Read the Room as an Adult](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) –** Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) –** HOW TO help children build social skills **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** --- ### [Consent Statement](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/consent-statement/) **Published:** February 2, 2022 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** I, the undersigned, in exchange for good and valuable consideration, hereby consent and grant to Caroline Maguire d/b/a New England Coaching Services (“NE Coaching”) and its designees the following rights: 1. To take, modify, and utilize classroom photographs, audio, video and/or digital recordings that may contain my voice, image, and/or likeness (the “Materials”); and 2. To display, modify, edit, and otherwise utilize the Materials for educational or teaching purposes including: (a) for download or streaming from NE Coachingor third party web sites for educational and teaching purposes; (b) for use by NE Coaching employees and current and potential clients; and (c) at NE Coaching sponsored or co-sponsored events; In granting this consent, I understand and agree that: 1. a) the Materials may or may not contain attributions specifically identifying me; 2. b) statements I may make in the Materials reflect my honest opinions or experience; 3. c) I have no right of approval and no right to inspect or preview the Materials and any derivative works thereof, or any use to which they may be put; 4. d) I have no claim, now or in the future, to any compensation, attribution or other similar right relating to or arising out of the Materials or their use as described in this Agreement. On behalf of myself, my heirs and any of my representatives and assigns, I hereby waive, discharge, and release NE Coaching and its officers, directors, employees, agents, representatives, successors and assigns, and those acting under their authority from any and all rights, demands, losses, liabilities, claims and causes of action whatsoever which I may now or hereafter be entitled to assert relating directly or indirectly to the Materials. I further hereby release and discharge NE Coaching and its employees, agents, successors, and assigns from any and all claims I might have in connection with the use, display, dissemination or exploitation of the Materials, including, but not limited to, any claims for defamation, invasion of privacy, right of publicity, rights in my name, image, voice or likeness, and/or violation of any moral or artist rights. I represent that I have read and understood the contents of this release and consent. I acknowledge that, if I am under eighteen (18) years of age, the consent and signature of my parent or legal guardian is also required for this release. --- ### [Coaching Conversations Video Course](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/coaching-conversations-video-course/) **Published:** March 12, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ### Let’s Get Started… Are you reading [*Why Will No One Play With Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-book/) and have questions about what coaching looks and feels like in the “real world”? These videos will give you more guidance and a real sense of how to have conversations with a child, teen or young adult using open-ended questions and reflective listening. These are the words of real children and real situations I encountered taken word for word. These videos can help you see that conversations can be brief, can lead to big realizations and that it takes repeated conversations to move your child forward. Enjoy! ### Learn HOW TO Empower Others: - Start with an open, encouraging attitude. - Focus on the impact of behaviors and actions instead of judgments. - Learn HOW TO reinforce strengths and explore challenges - Explore challenges. - Turn experiences into learning opportunities - Become more self-aware. There are 7 videos below for you to review. They are brief and the entire program could take you less than 30 minutes to review. But, they are powerful. Each one offers insight and suggestions for how to navigate challenges with your child or student. I suggest watching one at a time and then practicing the tip or watching them all together and revisiting these skills when you and your child experience moments you want to improve. Learning new skills takes time. Revisit this page often as you master these tips and share with others as your working relationships with your children and students improve. Have questions, please visit our contact page to share your thoughts with me and my team. ### Paving the Way ### Coaching Conversation ### Social Spy ### Social Spy ### Social Spy ### Social Spy ### Social Spy Need Help? Reach out through the contact page for support. --- ### [Bridging the Social Emotional Learning Gap Between School and Home](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/bridging-the-social-emotional-learning-gap-between-school-and-home/) **Published:** July 8, 2021 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** [*Why Will No One Play With Me*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)*?* is a hands-on, tailorable guide for parents, educators and professionals that demonstrates HOW TO coach children (and adults) to recognize social cues and build lasting friendships. **The pandemic proved parent education is essential** SEL has been instituted in classrooms around the world, yet there has not been a reliable resource for parent education. The SEL skills that teachers and professionals have incorporated in the academic environment must be reinforced at home for optimal effectiveness. Many parents want to support their child’s critical skills development, but lack the training and tools. [*Why Will No One Play With Me?*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me) is the missing link to bridge the Social Emotional Learning gap between school and home. **Supporting the Academic Curriculum** As a committed teacher, you have been consumed with administering curriculum that is academically solid and engaging – while you plan to mitigate the unprecedented social skills loss many students have experienced. [*Why will No One Play With Me?*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me) is an easy to implement, no training or required prep Social Emotional Training handbook loaded with proven, innovative approaches to support the academic curriculum that is being received in the public education setting by enriching the social-emotional growth of the children. **Improve communication with any child – in any situation – and ensure the message registers without sacrificing the relationship** In this hands-on, tailorable guide for parents and also educators and professionals [*Why Will No One Play With Me*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)*?* demonstrates HOW TO coach children (and adults) to recognize social clues and build lasting friendships. It is a handbook – with foolproof scripts, graphics, worksheets, activities, questionnaires and examples – that teaches parents how to coach social skills. Everyone can now access the coaching tools that Caroline Maguire has honed from years of assisting children of all ages, learning challenges and emotional IQs. --- ### [Boost Your Tween or Teen’s Self Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/boost-tween-or-teens-self-confidence/) **Published:** March 25, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Thank you for your interest in the **Boost Your Tween or Teen’s Self Confidence** handout. Contributing, advocating, participating, presenting, making decisions, speaking up, planning, and rehearsing build self confidence. Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Please follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineM ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in my [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** --- ### [Adult Friendship](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adult-friendship-secret-skills/) **Published:** October 22, 2024 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you are here for my latest free gift: **3 Secrets For Making Friends As An Adult.** You can download it right here. ****** As a neurodivergent adult, making friends may not be the easiest skill you have ever tried to master, but I have spent a lot of time figuring how how to make it easier and more successful. **In this worksheet, you will learn the three steps in my secret sauce so your new friends are more likely to:** - appreciate you for who you are - want to spend time with you - feel like they are “more like” you versus less likely you - connect with you faster, easier and with greater consistency - and more! Friendship is a skill, we don’t talk about this as much as we should, but it is. And that means that whether you’re 18 or 83, you can still learn how to do it. This tool is meant to be neurodivergent friendly and will help you learn how to meet people to fit your interests and want to be friends with you, just as you are. Wishing you well! Caroline ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Contact](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/contact/) **Published:** January 20, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ###### Get In Touch # Contact Caroline Maguire Contact Caroline for speaking, media requests and support. Caroline offers social emotional learning, training and tools for kids, adults and professionals. Please reach out using the contact form. I’d love to hear from you!  ### Leading Expert in Social Emotional Learning [ Speaker Sheet ](https://49q2vk32s2zj1b392i1ny0zt-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Speaking_Kit.pdf) [ ](mailto:hello@carolinemaguireauthor.com) ###### [ Say Hi! ](mailto:hello@carolinemaguireauthor.com) ###### Stay Connected [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) Email Address \* Name \*First Last Organization Subject \* Questions/Comments for Caroline \* Send Message --- ### [Parenting Blog](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parenting-blog/) **Published:** September 14, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:**  ## Blogs for Parents, Adults & Educators On Friendship, Navigating Social Situations & "Social Spy" by Caroline Maguire, M.Ed. My goal is to provide thought-provoking, research based content and tips about social skills development. Coaching social skills is like a relationship; it has its ups and downs. Under-developed relationship skills makes it hard to thrive. I write my social skills blogs to keep you inspired and growing. Thanks for joining me on this journey! Search [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/ "Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends") #### [ Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) May 1, 2026 No Comments There is a particular kind of loneliness I hear frequently from women who were diagnosed with ADHD later in life. These are smart, capable, deeply ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/ "Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)") #### [ Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) March 11, 2026 No Comments You get home. Maybe you’re still in the car, pulling out of the parking lot. And then, out of nowhere… It starts. Did I talk ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/ "Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately") #### [ Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) February 28, 2026 No Comments Have you ever left a conversation and felt a spike of panic? You replay what you said. You analyze their tone. You notice a delayed ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/manage-your-emotions-this-holiday-season/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/manage-your-emotions-this-holiday-season/ "12 Tips to Manage Your Emotions & Communicate Better This Holiday Season") #### [ 12 Tips to Manage Your Emotions & Communicate Better This Holiday Season ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/manage-your-emotions-this-holiday-season/) December 22, 2025 No Comments As we approach the end of the holiday season, everyone has a list of expectations about how the last few get-togethers will go. “Last year ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/manage-your-emotions-this-holiday-season/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ghosting-adhd-soft-fades-social-cues/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ghosting-adhd-soft-fades-social-cues/ "Beyond Ghosting: ADHD, Soft Fades & The Pain Of Ambiguous Social Cues") #### [ Beyond Ghosting: ADHD, Soft Fades & The Pain Of Ambiguous Social Cues ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ghosting-adhd-soft-fades-social-cues/) December 16, 2025 No Comments Have you ever noticed a friend slowly drift out of your life? Not with a dramatic fight or a clear breakup conversation. This is more ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ghosting-adhd-soft-fades-social-cues/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-ease-anxiety-when-you-have-to-interact-with-new-people/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-ease-anxiety-when-you-have-to-interact-with-new-people/ "How To Ease Your Anxiety When You Have To Interact With New People") #### [ How To Ease Your Anxiety When You Have To Interact With New People ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-ease-anxiety-when-you-have-to-interact-with-new-people/) May 20, 2025 No Comments Interacting with new people can be a source of anxiety and stress for many people. Whether it’s attending a social event, starting a new job, ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-ease-anxiety-when-you-have-to-interact-with-new-people/) --- ### [Courses](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/courses/) **Published:** September 12, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Courses - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) Courses [## Coaching Conversations Video Course](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) $19.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3223) [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) ### More Adult Social Skills Training Resources: **[Caroline’s Speaking Services on this topic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/speaking/#trainings-and-topics)** **[How To Read the Room So You’re More Confident Around](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)** [Your](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)**[ Co-workers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)** **[Social Skills Training Products](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/)** **[Adult with ADHD: Stop Oversharing, Live Seminar](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adult-with-adhd-stop-oversharing/)** **[Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with Everyone](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)** [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) [Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/) [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills --- ### [SEL Skills For Parents, Educators & Coaches](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) **Published:** September 12, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## SEL Skills For Parents, Educators, and Coaches #### Everyday Child and Family Social Emotional Coaching By Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., and Scarlett Lewis, The Choose Love Movement Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) encompasses the core emotional intelligence and relationship-building skills that lead to happy, healthy and successful lives. Learn how to coach social emotional learning skills with our simple tools, tips and education for the ones you support.  We are not born with these skills and behaviors, but they can be learned and nurtured to influence positive changes that are almost immediately recognizable. How To SEL, an innovative social emotional learning subscription program designed to make SEL skills easy to learn and easy to implement – for everyone, every day. #### Let’s stop the very real possibility of a secondary social emotional trauma wave Affordable entry point at $19.99 a month Read the [press release](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/introducing-how-to-sel-everyday-child-and-family-social-emotional-coaching/) Find out about our [Affiliates Program](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel-affiliates-information/) [ Learn More ](https://chooselovemovement.org/how-to-sel/) [ Press Release ](/introducing-how-to-sel-everyday-child-and-family-social-emotional-coaching/) [ Affiliate Program ](/how-to-sel-affiliates-information/) --- ### [Speaking & Events](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/speaking/) **Published:** March 4, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** # Invite Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., To Be Your Next Keynote Speaker ### Are you looking for a charismatic keynote speaker with expertise on Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and Social Skills development for children and adults? Caroline will research your industry, your issues, and your audience in advance in order to successfully capture the essence of your event. She will then tailor the presentation, incorporating humor and audience participation, into unique and distinctive actionable tips. ## Watch Caroline’s Latest Tedx Talk #### *To request Caroline Maguire as a speaker for your event, please [complete our request form.](/invite-caroline-to-speak/)* [ Speaking Request Form ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/invite-caroline-to-speak/) ## **Keynote Speaking Engagements:** #### ***How to Get Along with Everyone:*** The [International Conference on ADHD](https://chadd.org/attention-article/what-a-difference-a-year-makes/) #### ***Social Skills After COVID:*** [Learning Disabilities of America Conference](https://ldanj.org/ldanj-events/) #### ***Why Will No One Play with Me?*** [SENG Conference](https://www.sengifted.org/events/seng-online-2021-annual-conference) #### ***District Social Skill development Presentations:***[ STARNET Chicago Public Schools](https://www.starnetregionii.org/calendar/play-coaching-build-social-emotional-and-behavioral-development-inclusive-classrooms) #### ***Connection Matters – Building social skills*** ***with a game plan*:** [Woodlynde School ](https://www.woodlynde.org/list-detail?pk=129923) ## Speaking Engagements Praise "I want to send you a personal thank you for the excellent webinar last night. I was "in attendance" and really enjoyed it. You found the perfect balance of content and strategies to support both remote teaching and parents coaching, as well as classroom based supports teachers might provide directly. I was watching the chat and folks were very enthusiastic and appreciative of your knowledge and ideas. We enjoyed working with you and hope we can work together again in the future!" Kathy SlatteryProject Director of STAR NET Region II for the State of Illinois "Caroline has a wonderful way of taking her deep knowledge of ADHD children and making it applicable and relatable to all parents. She was engaging, set the entire crowd at ease, and let us know that none of us are alone. Carolyn offered specific and accessible tools and resources and reassured us that our kids will all be okay. Her insights and experience are invaluable to those of us struggling to understand and help our children succeed socially. We could literally feel the love." Lori WengrofskyBlind Brook PTA Speaker Series Chair "Caroline always does such a great job! Her slides are beautiful and informative. Her presentation moves along well; she's so interesting and thoughtful. She's a joy to listen to and learn from." Additude Magazine Webinar Participant "This webinar was excellent; it's solidified a lot of information my daughter is receiving from her therapist but helps me manage it as a parent." Additude Magazine Webinar Participant "I just wanted to say thank you so much for being such an inspiration to the ADHD community and thank you so much for hearing what everyone had to say in class. It was worth taking this course just to hear you talk today." ADDCA student ## Sample Topics: Educators and Parents: Coaching social skills with a game plan In this presentation, Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., PCC, will introduce the tools and demonstrate the coaching processes parents and professionals need to become a child’s social skills coach based on her groundbreaking book and training curriculum, Why Will No One Play with Me? Helping children manage their own behaviors and emotions, build healthy relationships and make good decisions will be detailed in this presentation. You’ll explore the social emotional challenges facing children of all ages, discover learning through play, stress management strategies, the importance of SEL in a crisis and adult wellbeing. Caroline will provide scripts to follow when talking to young children, tweens and teens about difficult issues including age-sensitive SEL knowledge and activities. Coping with feelings and resolving conflict is a top priority now as we experience anxiety from the pandemic. Audience: Parents, Teachers, early childhood, special educators, early intervention, teacher’s assistants, OT, psychologists, SLP, social workers, audiologists, speech-language pathologists Parents: How to Help Your Child or Teen Socialize in an Unprecedented Era In this presentation, Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., will discuss the potential long-term effects of the pandemic on children’s social, emotional, and cognitive development. Social, emotional and behavioral skills are more important, and more difficult, than ever due to school closures, social distancing, schools reopening (but looking different), the slower pace of learning, and the probability of more school closures in future. Helping children manage their own behaviors and emotions, build healthy relationships and make good decisions will be detailed in this presentation. Parents of Middle School Through High School - Connection Matters: Building Social Skills during Challenging Times This online program is geared to students who have learning differences, special needs and/or anxiety. Social and emotional learning or SEL is more important, and more difficult, than ever due to the pandemic. Helping children manage their own behaviors and emotions, build relationships and make good decisions will be detailed in this presentation. Older children have a different experience of school closure, social distancing and school reopening. Caroline will provide scripts to follow when talking to tweens and teens about difficult issues. Coping with feelings and resolving conflict is a top priority now as we experience anxiety from the pandemic. Educators and Parents: Coaching Social Skills with a Game Plan In this presentation, Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., PCC, will discuss the potential long-term effects of the pandemic on a younger children's social, emotional, and cognitive development. She will introduce the tools and demonstrate the coaching process parents need to become their child’s social skills coach based on her groundbreaking book and training curriculum, Why Will No One Play with Me? Adjusting to change is always difficult, and there is a real worry that young people with learning differences, whose education and social development have been disrupted, might be some of the worst affected by the pandemic. With her renowned expertise, you’ll explore the practical and emotional challenges facing children, discover learning through play and stress management strategies, the importance of SEL in a crisis, managing remote learning fatigue, adult wellbeing, and age-sensitive SEL knowledge and activities all being included. Playing Well with Others at College and Beyond Social skills are a strong indicator of a student’s future success. To succeed at the college level, students need social skills to "play well with others." As a parent, you likely want to do everything in your power to prepare your child for college success. Caroline Maguire will discuss the tools needed to support a college-bound student who struggles to manage dynamic social interactions as well as the college student who needs guidance to tap into school and peer resources. Parents: My Kid Just Doesn’t “Get It”: How to Help The Oblivious Kid Cultivate Self Awareness As parents, you watch frustrated as your child is oblivious, seems to lack empathy, alienates others, ignores overtures of friendship, or seems to say all the wrong things. Caroline will demonstrate activities that parents can engage in to improve their child’s self-awareness without shaming. Finally connect the dots between evaluating whether your child’s perspective is accurate and improving self-awareness. Educators: Classroom and Family Engagement- Social Emotional Learning to Address Bullying, Social Drama and Dilemmas Social Emotional learning permeates everything we do: at school, home, in the community or at work. This workshop introduces educators to the fundamentals of harnessing social emotional learning to address common social dilemmas in the classroom and in parent/family training. Learn how to utilize the core SEL competencies to address disruptive behavior, executive functioning challenges, stress, social awkwardness, emotional self-regulation and time-management. Caroline is the coach’s coach. Learn clear and consistent coaching models that identify, address, tailor and practice appropriate social skills. Walk away armed with materials that can simply be shown in the classroom or passed to parents to provide support and help answer the myriad of parent questions. Educators: How to Improve Self-Awareness, Empathy and Theory of Mind in the Classroom Developing empathy, self-awareness and building Theory Of Mind should begin in early childhood. These essential social emotional skills are interdependent of each other and are the keys to well-being and understanding others! Research shows that self-awareness affects every aspect of life: job success, academics and relationships. Recognizing emotions, and helping a child develop empathy, self-awareness and perspective taking can be taught even in distance learning. Educators will learn how to use play based methods to help children learn to read others, foster perspective taking and empathy for others. These competencies can have life-long implications as we try to develop a more inclusive and caring society. Adults: Why Chit Chat Is the Answer to Social Connection Learn the Art of Getting Along with Everyone. Social struggles are common for many people. Friendly chit-chat and banter do not come naturally. Forcing conversations with coworkers, school peers, neighbors and community members can leave you feeling awkward, rejected and exhausted. What’s at the heart of this? Caroline Maguire, M. Ed, will introduce the deep-seated relationship between self-awareness and social connection. The ability to self-evaluate, to “read the room” and to predict reactions - from ourselves and others - is intimately connected to how we contribute and relate. You will walk away with an understanding of your specific limitations and the tools that you or your child need to build self-awareness. Learn helpful suggestions on how to be the kind of individual others find interesting and attractive. The good news is that with understanding and practice, we can greatly improve self-awareness and in turn, create limitless, meaningful connections. Educators and Parents: COVID Repair - How to Help a Child or Teen (Re)Build Social Emotional Skills in an Unprecedented Era Are we sure our kids are going to be OK? What happens without adequate social emotional support? Social distancing has isolated and stressed all of us, but it has caused children and teens to lose valuable opportunities to practice social skills, and to make and keep friends. No one knows the implications of COVID, racial tensions, political divide, and social isolation on children. In this presentation, Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., will discuss the potential long-term effects of the pandemic on children’s social, emotional, behavioral and cognitive development and what parents can do now at home to strengthen social skills. She will describe the red flags of exaggerated anxiety and isolation and explain how to help children manage their own behaviors and emotions, build healthy relationships and make good decisions. Adults: TMI (Too Much Information) Oversharing, Blurting and Interrupting-Do You Share TMI (To Much Information)? Yesterday wasn’t the first time you said the wrong thing or told someone you barely knew your whole life story, including gory details. Some details and topics, especially about others, are just not meant to be shared.. and yet, here you go again. Adults with ADHD often move too fast in relationships, sharing too much, too soon. You crave closeness, hate boring dialog and often misread or fail to grasp social cues. Caroline Maguire, author of Why Will No One Play with Me, shares valuable insight on how to better read others’ attempts at friendship, how to control the impulse to over-share and how to repair a friendship when you mistakenly said too much. Friendships and connection are a basic human need, so learn how to build mutual respect and intimacy in all of your relationships Educators: Turn Table Time and Recess Into Social Emotional Learning Opportunities without Prep!! How can educators promote critical Social Emotional Learning (SEL) skills into already packed schedules? Caroline Maguire, a leader in social skills development, will demonstrate how recess, table / circle time and even walking through hallways can provide excellent, no-prep SEL learning opportunities. Learn how to help children who struggle with self-regulation, anxiety and introversion learn to be flexible, try new things and join a group. By incorporating simple prompts and specific toys and games, play can be the way to help children learn to navigate into a group. Educators: Play Coaching to Build Social, Emotional and Behavioral Development in Inclusive Classrooms This presentation will outline the play coaching model designed to help educators recognize and implement Social, Emotional and Behavioral Learning (SEL) in their inclusive classrooms. Play coaching provides opportunities to support learning goals - for children with diverse learning differences, socio-economic backgrounds and experiences - that are teacher-initiated and yet can be child-led. Caroline Maguire will explain how play coaching seamlessly incorporates evidence-based principles of how children learn while infusing SEL activities. Play coaching is intentionally flexible, enabling professional discretion to develop activities that simultaneously align with their curricular and SEL objectives. Learning Objectives: • Increase teachers' capacity and opportunities to introduce play coaching into regularly scheduled course content. • leverage the joy of play to allow children to connect authentically with content. • Help teachers set up play coaching environment and provide support • Ensure the students retain agency as they engage with the materials, their peers, and their teacher Teachers and Parents: Making Friends as a Gifted Child: Social Emotional Training Gifted children share many of the traits as their same age-peers and yet have distinct differences. Finding like-minded peers who share their interests may be a challenge. Caroline will discuss what parents and educators can do now to strengthen social skills. She will describe the red flags of exaggerated anxiety and isolation and explain how to help gifted children manage their own behaviors and emotions, build healthy relationships and make good decisions. Three learner outcomes: How to impact a gifted student’s behavioral outcome – Participants will understand the importance of social and emotional assessments in order to evaluate a gifted students’ socio-emotional well-being. SEL competency is as equally important as academic performance. Learn concrete exercises to help gifted children read others, foster perspective-taking and express empathy (not just sympathy). Create gifted student connectedness and healthy school-based relationships to cultivate equitable learning Parents: Helping Disconnected Kids Find Social Connection Isolation can create devastating effects on children, yet parents can help their kids build social connections. We often want to jump in and “fix” things, but the longterm solution is to empower them to seek healthy friendships. In this presentation, Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., will give concrete strategies adapted from Why Will No One Play with Me? that include what signs to look for, how to start the conversations and how to problem solve together in order to build important coping and friendship skills. Educators: Strengthen Executive Function Skills in Early Childhood This presentation will outline how educators can understand and recognize executive function challenges and how to implement evidence-based play modifications and interventions in inclusive classrooms. Play coaching provides opportunities to support learning goals - for children with diverse learning differences, socio-economic backgrounds and experiences - that are teacher-initiated and yet can be child-led. Play coaching is intentionally flexible, enabling professional discretion to develop activities that simultaneously align with their curricular and SEL objectives. Learning Objectives: · Increase teachers' capacity and opportunities to introduce play coaching into regularly scheduled course content. · leverage the joy of play to allow children to connect authentically with content · Help teachers set up play coaching environment and provide support · Ensure the students retain agency as they engage with the materials, their peers, and their teacher Educators and Parents: Social Spy: Managing Social Skills and Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) Concerns Learning to be an effective social observer is critical to navigating the tricky waters of making and keeping friends. In this presentation, Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., author of Why Will No One Play with Me?, shares an exercise that she uses with her clients called The Social Spy. The purpose of the exercise is to improve one’s ability to notice and observe the behavior of people in certain social situations. As a Social Spy, you observe (discreetly), hold back, and take an inventory of the group or situation’s mood, tone, members, energy, etc. She will share how to put social spy into actual practice. She’ll explain how to prepare, where to go, what to look for, how to share the data and then how to put it to work daily. Social Spy helps children: • Sharpen their understanding of how others interact • Observe the unspoken rules of different environments • Identify positive social behavior • Compare their behavior to others Parents and Educators: Social Emotional Training for Teachers and Parents of Kids with ADHD Does your child have a hard time making and keeping friends? Should you step in? If so, when? And do what? Finding like-minded peers who share interests can be a challenge for children and teens with ADHD. As parents, we know that there is a fine line between interfering and supporting, especially when it comes to friends. Too much support and we can interfere with development, not to mention possibly muddling your relationship. Too little, and we leave a big tangled web of social skills development to kids who already struggle with executive function challenges. Social skills, like any other skill, can be learned at any age. Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., PCC, will demonstrate the proven coaching processes that will help you engage with your child or teen to develop positive social behaviors She will discuss the potential long-term effects of the pandemic on children’s social, emotional, behavioral and cognitive development and what parents and educators can do now to strengthen social skills. She will describe the red flags of exaggerated anxiety and isolation and explain how to help children with ADHD manage their own behaviors and emotions, build healthy relationships and make good decisions. Attendees of this webinar will learn to: 1. Understand how executive function challenges directly affect social skills. 2. Coach a child or teen to initiate connection and express needs with peers and adults 3. Identify and harness their special talents to problem-solve, make friends and build self-confidence 4. Explore the evidence-based coaching techniques that have been shown to help struggling children and teens with ADHD 5. Recognize the ways in which the pandemic has resulted in an escalation of symptoms affecting teens with ADHD 6. Identify the roadblocks that can get in the way of open communication, and how to get around them. [ Watch Caroline's Presentations ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC) [ Download the Speaking Brochure ](/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Speaking_Kit.pdf) --- ### [Invite Caroline to Speak](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/invite-caroline-to-speak/) **Published:** September 7, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Invite Caroline to Speak Looking for a charismatic speaker with expertise on Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and Social Skills development for children and adults? Invite Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, to speak. She is the author of *[Why Will No One Play With Me?](/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* a playbook for coaching children on how to build valuable social emotional skills to speak. Caroline has been sought out by organizations across the globe for keynote, webinars, workshops and training. Maguire speaks over 250 times per year around the world. [ Speaker Sheet ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Speaking_Kit.pdf) --- ### [Social Skills Training For Schools & Orgs](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/educators/) **Published:** August 10, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:**  Bridge School to Home: Social Emotional Learning # Social & Emotional Development Training For Schools & Orgs Fewer than 1 in 4 teachers report social skills training is implemented in their school. The path forward is clear, SEL implementation on a programmatic, schoolwide and districtwide basis is needed. Please download my free worksheet: **Educators: How to Use Why Will No One Play with Me? in group or classroom settings.** The activities and scripts that I think are relevant to you are outlined and the pages to learn more from the book are included. I offer deeper content in the [**Educator Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/educator-bundle/). I want to make sure my content is relevant to you. I would be so indebted if you would share your experiences on how social skills are affecting you in my **[Survey for Educators.](https://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?f=001-tQulAW58ao1YpjhUs_mIb9MXIZjhzmatW3T2Nex-zVTA98FhsTCE7nLms2icvlbIZ7GSQ5B4oRuRZagCyvnHwO3pJjUO4ygdd8WDsHY9h4vZ459bwzsEAbxYdye8rY4kdATP9BifIOH6c-cCvay7Nl6iT2XZUEzm7aoarfKrb-xHg5dPuoCNw8hphyQQpvI0jDtkASkcVNqFoBJ1TZZ4YRAsQopoPuau576Fpa8edc=&c=aYne1pk49acSwHI4ufgjpZXeALuWRDhphw2UAD5t3SNcpJpenar8kQ==&ch=Uk0mJrSy4RwxjAhvFNEKR7bJ2aT2CJAszzDWML1uUGY_u-O1U-DJzQ==)** [ Download Educator SEL Materials ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/educators-how-to-use-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ## The Pandemic’s Effect on Social and Emotional Development No one can dismiss the impact COVID has had on all of us, especially our children. Calling it a missed year is an understatement. The pandemic has changed the way we see the world. Our children will be dictating how society, economy and democracy evolves. The skills that are built today will be the ones employed and taught to the following generation. The next generation of parents and leaders must create a learning structure that includes knowledge, empathy, resilience, appreciation of diversity, and civic dispositions to innovate through times of crisis. Most of us agree that it is more important for a child to develop good character, integrity, and find happiness than it is to get good grades, a good job, or to be accepted into a good college. ## Social and Emotional Development Must be Addressed Of course academics are critical, yet we shortchange our children when we discount the importance of social connection. Kids of every age get a lot of value from personal interactions – it’s a key part of growing up. Most children and teenagers – especially those with learning differences and executive function challenges – do not receive the social skills supports they need at school.  ## Reinforce, Model and Bridge School-to-Home SEL Strategies ### **Help Parents With Their Social Questions** #### **The go-to resource to understand everything professionals know.** Do you receive long emails written by parents in pain? *[Why Will No One Play with Me](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me "https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me")?* is **THE** book that answers every parent’s social emotional concerns. I have honed the foolproof scripts, activities and questionnaires from years of assisting children of all ages, learning challenges and emotional IQs build social skills. Parents can quickly adopt these social skills training tools to their family’s particular situation. **LEARN HOW TO:** - Open lines of communication and get kids to reduce resistance, open up, listen and collaborate - Observe and recognize signs of change or distress - Guide a child or teen to observe their own behavior and understand social cues - Move friendship dynamics forward in loving and adaptive ways - Promote self-advocacy, independence and troubleshooting - Help kids manage disappointment and emotions, self-regulate and develop empathy - Avoid imposing pressure or your values and goals; know when to push and when to let go [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) Why Will No One Play with Me? - Comprehensive Social Skills Training [ About the Book ](/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ## Educator Products Dear Educators: These recommendations have been specifically curated for you. Please feel free to browse these – and many other products – in our [Store](/store/) ### Educators Only: Free Download  ### Do you receive long emails written by parents in pain? This worksheet offers recommendations for the social emotional concerns they have been asking you. Please ask for it via my contact page. Thank you! [ Free Educator Worksheet ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/contact/) ## We Know You Don't Have The Emotional Bandwidth For ONE MORE THING.. … and then again, is anything else really *more* essential than developing the social and emotional competence of today’s learners and tomorrow’s leaders? ### So We Created “How-To-SEL” Delivered in themed groupings of professionally-developed, 10-minute-or-less video tutorials, the **How To SEL** series offers a convenient platform for educators to learn from, model and engage with social learning experts at their own pace and convenience. The videos show SEL and parenting expert Caroline Maguire, author of “[*Why Will No One Play With Me?”*](/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) actually coaching elementary and middle school-aged children through discussions, activities, or both, offering educators the opportunity to recognize real life SEL instruction opportunities and model or adapt the responses that lead to their desired outcomes…. - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/executive-function-questionnaire/) Educators and Schools [## Executive Function Questionnaire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/executive-function-questionnaire/) $2.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3501) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/processing-style-questionnaire/) Educators and Schools [## Processing Style Questionnaire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/processing-style-questionnaire/) $2.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3505) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/strengths-interests-matchmaker/) Educators and Schools [## Strengths/Interests Matchmaker](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/strengths-interests-matchmaker/) $2.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3506) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-strong-social-emotional-and-behavioral-skills/) Educators and Schools [## Building Strong Social, Emotional and Behavioral Skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-strong-social-emotional-and-behavioral-skills/) $2.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=4746) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) How to SEL [ Free Educator Download ](#) [ Learn more about How to SEL ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/) ## Praise for Caroline Maguire Caroline Maguire was a wonderful speaker! Her presentation was focused and visually pleasing, and she provided a ton of great ideas and suggestions. She also did a wonderful job with the question-and-answer section! Sara Nardulli Rutgers Prep, Director of Learning Support Caroline Maguire facilitated a workshop on Social, Emotional and Behavioral (SEL) Training to the parents and educators in our Chicago Public Schools district. Ms. Maguire found the perfect balance of content and strategies to support both remote teaching and parents coaching, as well as classroom based supports teachers might provide directly. During the chat, both parents and teachers engaged enthusiastically and absorbed Caroline’s knowledge and ideas. We enjoyed working with her and hope to again in the future! Evelyn Polk GreenProject Director of Starnet Region V, an ECSE professional development project grant project funded through the state of Illinois ## Educators Articles [ View All Articles ](#) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-one-teacher-that-made-a-difference/)### [ The One Teacher That Made a Difference ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-one-teacher-that-made-a-difference/) July 7, 2021 Kids will have so many different teachers throughout their young academic years — all with different teaching styles and different ways they relate to each child. Some will be in [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-one-teacher-that-made-a-difference/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-can-i-get-through-to-my-kid-that-he-has-to-stop-arguing-with-his-teachers-so-much/)### [ How Can I Get Through To My Kid That He Has To Stop Arguing With His Teachers ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-can-i-get-through-to-my-kid-that-he-has-to-stop-arguing-with-his-teachers-so-much/) September 4, 2019 Taking other people’s perspective and understanding that other people have an inner emotional life and being able to detect that point of view is known as Theory of Mind. When someone has Theory of Mind it means they can detect the perspective, emotions and understand what motivates others…. [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-can-i-get-through-to-my-kid-that-he-has-to-stop-arguing-with-his-teachers-so-much/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-madame-ruggles/)### [ Madame Ruggles ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-madame-ruggles/) September 25, 2018 Kids will have so many different teachers throughout their young academic years – all with different teaching styles, different ways they relate to each child, some in their first years of teaching, some growing close to retirement, some good, and some bad. But we’ve all heard the stories about the one teacher that made a difference, and they may not have even known it. [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2018-8-30-madame-ruggles/) --- ### [Neurodiversity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/neurodiversity/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Support For Neurodiverse Individuals From Caroline Maguire Neurodiversity – neurodiverse individuals (people with cognitive or neurological impairments such as ADHD, executive function weakness, high functioning Autism, Learning Disabilities LD, nonverbal learning disabilities, dyslexia, twice exceptional (2e), giftedness) – may struggle connecting to peers. Social skills weaknesses and the inability to read social cues are often the culprit. These lagging skills basically mean their social radar and social response system aren’t as robust as they need to be, thus making it hard to read social cues accurately, to understand the unspoken rules of social relationships or play, or to adapt their behavior in response to others or situations. > Whatever your age, or neurodiverse diagnosis, consider me your partner on the journey to becoming your best self. The methods and approaches that I recommend are meant to demystify social learning so you can better connect with everyone! > > Caroline Maguire [  ](https://drrobynsilverman.com/how-to-help-kids-learn-friendship-skills-and-avoid-social-isolation-with-caroline-maguire-rerelease/) Caroline’s presentation at [The Executive Function Online Summit 2020](https://executivefunctionsummit.com/) How to Help Your Child with Weak Executive Function Connect and Be Social: Steps to Ensuring Your Child Doesn’t Feel Lonely or Isolated, Even If They Currently Don’t Have Friends ## Neurodiverse individuals have unique learning styles and unique strengths, not disabilities Without social competency skills, neurodiverse individuals pay a high cost in childhood, and even more so in adolescence and into adult life as people skills become more and more essential in personal relationships and the workplace. I have had the pleasure to work with many people who are talented, highly intelligent, athletic, musically gifted and kind, yet long to fit in. Some of these folks: - Know 5 languages but cannot read the room. - Feel invisible, weird, annoying or bossy. - Are the only ones in class not invited to a birthday party. - Never get tossed the ball. - Don’t have friends or anyone to play (or have wine) with. Unfortunately, social problems do not automatically resolve themselves and no amount of talking to, begging or pleading to just try harder will work. Pressure will only trigger the brain’s fight-flight-or-freeze survival reflex—not helpful behaviors in any scenario (unless charged by a saber tooth tiger!). #### **If they could, they would -** They just don’t know how.  Without social competency skills, neurodiverse individuals pay a high cost in childhood, and even more so in adolescence and into adult life as people skills become more and more essential in personal relationships and the workplace. “I wish Why Will No One Play With Me, was written when my son was a toddler and was never invited to birthday parties, in teenage years no Bar Mitzvah invites, and on the soccer field bullied for not having the social awareness needed to be a team player. Maguire’s book is straight from the heart, written with empathy and passion coming from someone who has lived this painful journey. This “Play Better Plan” helped educate me as a parent with an ADDer and guided me through my own anxieties of parenting a child who “colors outside the box.” [](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Will-No-One-Play/dp/1538714833/#customerReviews) [Lior E.](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Will-No-One-Play/dp/1538714833/#customerReviews) ## A full range of clinical and coaching interventions The methods in *Why Will No One Play With Me?* are based on a growing volume of scientific literature that addresses a full range of clinical and coaching interventions. The Play Better Plan (which can easily be aged-up) is designed for, and works with, anyone struggling socially. Enjoy this humorous – and informative – video of parenting a child with executive function challenges with me and [Laura the ADHD Mama](https://theadhdmama.com/)  ## What Makes a Good Friend? What is more valuable than having good friends who love and support you for who you are? Figure out what makes a good friend, and learn how you can be there for your friends when they need you most. Read [15 Phrases to Spark a Conversation about Social Dilemmas](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/help-your-child-engage-socially/) [  ](https://takecontroladhd.com/podcast/411) ADHD and Social Skills – **Highlights:** – What are the 7 things to be socially successful – Defining what it means to have a social challenge – The importance of friendships [ Listen to The ADHD Podcast ](https://takecontroladhd.com/podcast/411) ## Traits of a Flexible Personality How flexible are you? Can you change when needed? Adapting to change is fundamental when it comes to overcoming life’s challenges. A flexible personality plays a strong role in defining how a person survives even in hard situations.  ## Neurodiversity Products These recommendations have been specifically curated for you. Please feel free to browse these – and many other products – in our [Store](/store/) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) Videos [## Steps for Joining a Group Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) $9.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3519) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) Infographics [## Joining a Group Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) $2.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3498) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) Courses [## Coaching Conversations Video Course](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) $19.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3223) ## Neurodiversity Articles: [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-3-managing-your-lovehate-relationship-with-your-adhd-child/ "Managing Your Love/Hate Relationship With Your ADHD Child") #### [ Managing Your Love/Hate Relationship With Your ADHD Child ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-3-managing-your-lovehate-relationship-with-your-adhd-child/) March 24, 2023 No Comments Kids with ADHD can be tough. You love them with all your heart and yet, your child seems out of touch at times. They don’t ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/2019-9-3-managing-your-lovehate-relationship-with-your-adhd-child/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-challenges-of-gifted-ld-children-and-adults/ "Social Emotional Challenges of Gifted / Learning Differences Children and Adults") #### [ Social Emotional Challenges of Gifted / Learning Differences Children and Adults ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-challenges-of-gifted-ld-children-and-adults/) July 20, 2021 No Comments It is common for people with learning differences to experience powerful strengths but also social emotional challenges. Added social emotional challenges may affect gifted children ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-emotional-challenges-of-gifted-ld-children-and-adults/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/improve-social-skills-in-a-child-with-learning-differences/ "How to Improve Social Skills in a Teen Who is Gifted or has Learning Differences") #### [ How to Improve Social Skills in a Teen Who is Gifted or has Learning Differences ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/improve-social-skills-in-a-child-with-learning-differences/) July 13, 2021 No Comments My Child is Lonely Q: How can I improve social skills in a child who is gifted or has learning differences? I try to help ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/improve-social-skills-in-a-child-with-learning-differences/) ### Additional Resources for executive function challenges Sharing the information that professionals use to support a child with executive function challenges to build social skills. Visit my Youtube channel for **[Adults Social Skills and ADHD ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0dOA2p0talZa_bn8JO5uMr6)**and **[Kids Social Skills and ADHD](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0f8gTGe-vghy4ntwXV8Jeif)** **[How to Help Kids Learn Friendship Skills and Avoid Social Isolation with Caroline Maguire](https://drrobynsilverman.com/how-to-help-kids-learn-friendship-skills-and-avoid-social-isolation-with-caroline-maguire/)** **[10 Things To Calm YOU Down When Raising Kids With Executive Functioning Challenges](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/things-to-calm-you-down/)** **[Reading between the lines and the challenges ADHDers face](https://takecontroladhd.com/podcast/368)** **[ADHD and Friends: Blurting, Oversharing and Small Talk](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-152-adhd-and-friends-blurting-oversharing-and/id1443678424?i=1000543602543)** --- ### [Parenting Strategies For SEL At Home | Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/family-parent-engagement/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** # Parenting Strategies For SEL At Home  ## **EDUCATORS, PARENTS AND STUDENTS** Developmental and learning science tells us that academic and social-emotional learning are inextricably linked. ## Learning and Families Research demonstrates that one of the strongest predictors of resilience for children is the presence of at least one supportive, caring adult relationship. When students have strong adult relationships, they are more likely to pass their classes, earn more credits and secure a higher grade point average. To meet the academic and social emotional needs of our students, **teachers—now more than ever—must know their students and their families; and** **parents – now more than ever—must know their child’s teachers.** ### We must address academic and social-emotional needs in tandem. Strengthening relationships is the answer.  Many schools – especially now – are receiving large-scale SEL curricula, yet families have little instruction on how to implement and encourage these skills at home. When families and schools communicate and exchange SEL information, children can transition easier and quicker. #### How schools and families can collaborate to build resilient, mindful and kind children. 1. **Get to know the families** – Sending home packets and recommendations is not enough. Through the use of open houses, surveys, teacher – parent meetings and emails, teachers can find out more about the home environment. Who lives in the home? Are there siblings? What is the primary language? 2. **Collaborate on specific skills building** – Work with the parents and child to identify which areas are of concern and how to address these concerns. Goals can be written down at the start of the year and then reviewed at each conference. Be sure school and home are working together and communicating. 3. **Designate a liaison** – If possible, designate a school-family partnership coordinator who monitors progress. 4. **Provide a resource center** – Supply SEL materials and invite parents to help themselves to these resources, during school hours or by asking their child to bring the items home. 5. **Create SEL opportunities** – Organize picnics, lunches, trips, celebrations or class presentations and spend a portion of the time discussing a specific skill. Hand out materials on ways parents can continue this skill building at home. ## **Learning and Family Resources** **Creating safe, caring relationships so *all students* – regardless of culture, language and needs – can achieve at the highest level.** Effective partnerships between home and school helps *all children –* regardless of culture, language and needs – share in the commitment to academic success. ## Home - School Engagement Products These recommendations have been specifically curated for home to school SEL use. Please feel free to browse these – and many other products – in our [Store](/store/) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)Quick View [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=2953) Infographics [## Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) $2.99 - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/)Quick View [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3498) Infographics [## Joining a Group Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) $2.99 - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/)Quick View [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3525) eBooks [## Moving from Hi to Full Conversation – eBook](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) $9.99 - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/)Quick View [Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3507) Bundles [## Rusty Social Skills Bundle](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) $19.99 [](#) ## Read More: [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/ "Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends") #### [ Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) May 1, 2026 No Comments There is a particular kind of loneliness I hear frequently from women who were diagnosed with ADHD later in life. These are smart, capable, deeply ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/ "Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It)") #### [ Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) March 11, 2026 No Comments You get home. Maybe you’re still in the car, pulling out of the parking lot. And then, out of nowhere… It starts. Did I talk ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/ "Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately") #### [ Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) February 28, 2026 No Comments Have you ever left a conversation and felt a spike of panic? You replay what you said. You analyze their tone. You notice a delayed ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) --- ### [How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** # How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace Communicating well at work is a life skill that everyone needs. It support career advancement, managing conflict and simply handling “water cooler” chit chat. Improving your social skills by learning how to communicate clearly, listen attentively, and vent your emotions in a healthy way are critical for your career.  What does good listening look like? ### How to Read the Room at Work **Visit my Youtube channel for [more videos like this](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A).** ### 10 Tips to Navigate Tricky Workplace Conversations Understand what you really want to communicate Write it down! List your feelings, then put it aside for at least one hour, preferably overnight. Re-write it by taking out the emotions and replacing them with facts such as what happened, why it is wasn’t addressed appropriately and how to correct it. The lesson here is to remove emotions and avoid over-reactions. Understand the impression you make Do you truly understand how you come across? Perspective into our own behavior and choices allows us to recognize social cues, to tune in and **“walk in the other person’s shoes.”** Before interacting, ask yourself, “What impression do I mean to make? What makes me think this is so important? How can I say this without confrontation?” This allows you to consider others’ thoughts and how your behavior can negatively or positively affect others. To help you build awareness and to create an image of positive social behavior, I want to introduce 2 concepts: - [**Social Spy**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-spy/) – observe people in different settings and note the social cues including, vocal volume, tone, eye contact, physical presence, interrupting, arguing, etc. - [**Reading the Room**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/) – In every environment, there are expectations and unspoken rules. To present the best face to the world, you have to decipher those expectations by reading the room. Before entering a room or gathering, pause, observe and tune into the participants, energy and discussion before jumping in. Keep your emotions in check Although women are noted to be more emotional than men, interestingly, men are “allowed” to experience a wider range of emotion at work. My recommendation is to wait to have uncomfortable conversations when you can do it from a place of little emotion. I also recommend **The Polite Pretend.** As best as you are able, remain neutral and calmly “pretend” to be polite. Figure out polite ways to react when a conversation feels boring or is becoming heated. Be sure to also work on tone to avoid sounding dismissive and argumentative. Know yourself As a business owner, leader, employee, partner, and just a person in the world, uncomfortable conversations are a part of daily life. How we handle them makes the difference. Outline your intention and next steps prior to the conversation. I recommend you stay true to yourself and understand your boundaries. Remain firm. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings but kindness goes a long way. Approach each discussion with honesty and vulnerability. Have regular discussions Don’t let frustrations pile up. Casually ask, ‘Are you open to some quick feedback?’ By regularly addressing issues as they arise, you can nip in the bud conversations that may needlessly hurt others feelings. Approach conflict as a team player Pre-frame tough conversations by demonstrating a shared goal. When you are on the same team, the feedback is generally heard from a place of openness. Be compassionate Feedback can be better received in a culture of transparency. We can all improve, and when given in a manner that is kind and genuine, it helps us want to do the necessary work. Start off positive Start by highlighting the other person’s achievements and strengths before addressing what needs improvement. Use an appreciative tone. Be fair and straightforward. Don’t dwell on the past. Listen intently and keep questions open-ended to promote a reciprocal conversation. As in any relationship, be open to receiving feedback too. Aim for resolution In an effort to resolve the situation, share your interpretation. Ask if you are reading the situation appropriately, and how you can work together to resolve it and grow. Conversations that start with respect are game-changing for your business and your work relationships. Incorporate empathy in your business decisions Empathy is an invaluable trait, especially when tough decisions, such as letting someone go, come into play. That said, business and investor needs may require tough decisions. In these situations, keep the business’ needs in mind while executing them in a kind and empathetic manner. [Read more about empathy.](/the-critical-need-for-empathy/) Social skills, also known as interpersonal or communication skills, are becoming increasingly important in today’s workplace. Improved work performance is brought about by improved communication, more willing mentors, and efficient teamwork. ## Workplace Blogs: [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-win-the-interview/ "Social Skills Win the Interview") #### [ Social Skills Win the Interview ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-win-the-interview/) July 19, 2021 No Comments You thought that your background and experience should get you the job, right? Yes, and no. They are only part of the equation. Of course ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/social-skills-win-the-interview/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-reasons-why-were-all-hyper-sensitive-now-and-how-you-can-take-your-sanity-back/ "5 Reasons Why We’re All Hyper-Sensitive Now (And How You Can Take Your Sanity Back)") #### [ 5 Reasons Why We’re All Hyper-Sensitive Now (And How You Can Take Your Sanity Back) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-reasons-why-were-all-hyper-sensitive-now-and-how-you-can-take-your-sanity-back/) March 17, 2021 No Comments Why We are Sensitive During COVID-19 For some – maybe for you – this pandemic has been dreadful. The isolation and loneliness. A job loss. ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-reasons-why-were-all-hyper-sensitive-now-and-how-you-can-take-your-sanity-back/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/white-noise-experience-an-answer-to-getting-work-done/ "The White Noise Experience: An Answer to Getting Work Done") #### [ The White Noise Experience: An Answer to Getting Work Done ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/white-noise-experience-an-answer-to-getting-work-done/) November 7, 2018 No Comments I could not work in the library. I could not work in my dorm room. Baffled by the dilemma, I bounced from space to space, ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/white-noise-experience-an-answer-to-getting-work-done/) --- ### [Social Skills and Intimacy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/intimacy-and-relationships/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## How Rejection Sensitivity Affects Friendships and Personal Relationships Trust and deep friendships are the byproduct of being close, connected, and feeling and supported by someone special in your life. When you have this kind of connection, you feel like you deeply knowing someone, while also feeling deeply known by the other. This experience is deeply meaningful to people’s lives at any age and, unfortunately, is adversely affected when you don’t have mutual trust, caring, vulnerability and acceptance. Anyone who has had negative experiences with friends, loved ones, intimate partners or other important people in their lives where trust has been hard to maintain, rejection sensitivity can occur.  ### What Is Rejection Sensitivity? **Rejection Sensitivity** is experienced when you feel innocuous social cues as outright rejection. This can lead to an increase in sensitivity to rejection triggers (such as believing when someone doesn’t return a text quickly that it means they dislike you or dislike your text) and lead to greater fight/flight or freeze responses. All of which makes sustaining friendships and romantic relationships hard. ### Why Social Skills Are The Antidote To Rejection Sensitivity When you learn how to make friends and maintain healthy friendships and relationships over time, you also learn how to judge social cues more accurately, leading to less worry or anxiety about being rejected. Overcoming rejection sensitivity takes time, but skills like “learning to read the room” and understanding body language are incredibly helpful for accelerating your healing. ## How Intense Does it Feel? When you experience Rejection Sensitivity, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming and mammoth inside you and it’s crushing – even crippling! To help calm your body and brain when experiencing intense feelings, I have invented the Intensity Meter. In order to address the reaction, you must first figure out **How Intense Does It Feel?** [ Learn More ](/product/intensity-meter/) [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/) Use this guide to managing the negative impact of rejection sensitivity ### Read More: [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/ "5 Life Hacks to Recognize the Importance of Tone") #### [ 5 Life Hacks to Recognize the Importance of Tone ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/) September 27, 2021 No Comments This time of year, as parents wade back into the school routine, you may be noticing your tweens and teenagers have already missed assignments. Similar ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/ "How Adept Are You at Reading the Room?") #### [ How Adept Are You at Reading the Room? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/) March 3, 2021 No Comments The Importance of Tailoring Messages Have you ever mis-spoken? Have you mistakenly hurt, offended or alienated someone? More than likely, you answer yes. And more ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/ "Rejection Sensitivity & ADHD") #### [ Rejection Sensitivity & ADHD ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/) August 28, 2020 No Comments When you experience Rejection Sensitivity, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/) --- ### [Parent Coaching From Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/adults/) **Published:** August 10, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:**  # Social Skills For Adults - Learn How To Relate Better Today Are you an adult who struggles to step out of your comfort zone? Do conversations and chit chat make you uncomfortable – or worse? Please join me as we identify the social skills for adults and the unspoken rules of appropriate social behavior in every situation, group and social dynamic. They may seem mysterious now – but they won’t be soon. ## Social Skills Can Be Learned at Any Age Conversational skills, timing, use of humor, entering and exiting groups, identifying potential friends, reaching out, setting up events and gatherings and handling conflict are all critical components of a happy and healthy social and professional life. ### I have witness countless adults significantly improve their social skills and frequency of social engagement. With continued practice, you can expect new improvements in social communication, assertion, responsibility and empathy. - Caroline Maguire ## Roadmap to Making and Keeping Friends If I advised you to simply walk up and introduce yourself, it might yield an awkward or even terrifying situation. So how the heck do you “Work a room”, “Manage a conversation” and “Win friends and influence people?” ##### **By incorporating my proven tools, rehearse and with practice, practice, and more practice!** ## Praise for Caroline Maguire I can’t say enough how much I love @AuthorCarolineM‘s book ‘Why Will No One Play With Me’. My 3 y/o and I played “social spy” at the cafe today and we learned that everyone keeps their cups on the table and sits down, some people use loud voices and some people use quiet voices! Dusty ChipuraADHD Coach “I’m learning a lot from your book - and realizing that many of the behaviors you describe were how my childhood looked like. I believe I’ve carried these challenges into adulthood - and occasionally walk into situations that are more challenging now - or seem to hit a “glass wall” or “glass ceiling” at work. The results are that people inevitably drift away or I become “invisible” or even excluded or ridiculed.” C. F. ## Social skills products for adults Dear Adults: These recommendations have been specifically curated for you. Please feel free to browse these – and many other products – in our [Store](/store/) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/) eBooks [## Intensity Meter](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/) $0.00[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=4447) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) eBooks [## Moving from Hi to Full Conversation – eBook](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) $9.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3525) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) Videos [## Steps for Joining a Group Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) $9.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3519) - [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) Bundles [## Rusty Social Skills Bundle](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) $19.99[Add to cart](/wp-cron.php?doing_wp_cron=1789081155.9095571041107177734375&add-to-cart=3507) ## Connection is a Verb ##### **Connection Requires Action** Friends come in all forms and from all places: school, neighbors, coworkers, place of worship, online, etc. How do you make friends? It can be easy for some of us, and painful for others. The suggestion, “just call him!” can become an exercise loaded with dread and potential rejection. Building the skills to make and keep friends takes time…. *But it is Oh, So Worth It.* 1\. **Develop** Social Skills – The good news is that [social skills ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tag/social-skills/)can be developed just like any other skill. If executive functioning challenges are present, it is best to address them beforehand as developing social skills may be impacted. 2\. **Engage** – This is an important verb, as it may produce uncomfortable feeling while you reach outside your comfort zone. Action steps include smiling, listening, texting, inviting, joining, etc. Start with small steps but keep pushing forward, the world needs what you offer. Read about [Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/). 3\. **Interpret** – Once you are engaging, you need to be aware of others’ reactions. Are they truly listening and communicating back? Do your best to interpret verbal and non-verbal language and to adjust so that each party is enjoying the encounter. 4\. **Build** – Rome wasn’t built overnight but this is yet another example of how long-term action is required to keep long term relationships healthy. 5\. **Nurture** – I was just about to add how watering friendships with love is like watering a garden… but you get the idea. Reaching out, being there, truly listening, laughing, sharing are all verbs that nurture the soul. **My mission is to vanquish social isolation and to bring together connection – in all forms. I hope you will join me! #ConnectionMatters**  ## Adult Social Skills Blog Posts: [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-critical-need-for-empathy/)### [ The Critical Need for Empathy ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-critical-need-for-empathy/) August 24, 2021 We are in a chapter unlike any before. Now, more than ever, we have a critical need for empathy – as well as an obligation to demonstrate it. Not only [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/the-critical-need-for-empathy/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/)### [ How Adept Are You at Reading the Room? ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/) March 3, 2021 The Importance of Tailoring Messages Have you ever mis-spoken? Have you mistakenly hurt, offended or alienated someone? More than likely, you answer yes. And more than likely, you regret it [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/reading-the-room/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/self-awareness-in-social-emotional-learning-sel/)### [ Self-Awareness in Social Emotional Learning (SEL) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/self-awareness-in-social-emotional-learning-sel/) November 11, 2020 Now is a great time to get to know yourself better! How do you respond to situations out of your control? The Importance of Self-Awareness Self-awareness is a core component [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/self-awareness-in-social-emotional-learning-sel/) ## More Adult Social Skills Resources **[NPR: The realities of adult friendships](https://www.wnpr.org/post/new-book-asks-why-will-no-one-play-me)** **[How to read the room when you’re feeling socially awkward](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-read-room-feeling-socially-awkward)** [**7 Things Everyone Needs To Do To Be Socially Successful with Caroline Maguire**](https://takecontroladhd.com/podcast/411) --- ### [Parent Coaching From Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parent-coaching/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** # Parent Coaching From Caroline Maguire #### ***“My child doesn’t get invited to parties!”*** We all know this child… the one who is often alone, sometimes awkward, sometimes super cool, sweet and yet can’t keep friends. Is this your child? The child of a sibling, dear friend or neighbor? Our hearts break for this child – and her/his parents. Life is tough enough, but without friends or a network, it can be downright cruel. Although it’s difficult for parents to face the realization that their child is not making friends, I want to reassure you that with tailored parent coaching, there are many ways you can help. Social skills, much like any other skill, can be learned – *at any age.* How can you help? My book [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me) addresses this painful challenge that can affect any child (actually anyone), anywhere. Social isolation is universal, it is a Human Problem. Social isolation can lead to other, devastating consequences too including a decreased ability to deal with stressful situations. *This is where parent coaching comes in.* ### We don’t arrive in the world knowing how to make friends, but we arrive wanting to make friends. ### Getting to a Better Place As a parent coach, you will better recognize the extent of the situation, how it impacts her experience and how to work together collaboratively to develop the skills needed to foster change and growth. You’ll learn in the parent coaching process that calming conversations – the foundation for transformation – will be the beginning of thoughtful reflection, goal-setting and skill-building. ## Parent Coaching Products Dear Parents: These recommendations have been specifically curated for you. Please feel free to browse these – and many other products – in our [Store](/store/) [  ### Building a Conversation Infographic ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) [  ### Coaching Conversations Video Course ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) [  ### Joining a Group Infographic ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) [  ### Executive Function Questionnaire ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/executive-function-questionnaire/) [  ### Processing Style Questionnaire ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/processing-style-questionnaire/) [  ### Strengths/Interests Matchmaker ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/strengths-interests-matchmaker/) ## Praise for Caroline Maguire Caroline’s voice made me feel as though she was next to me coaching and sharing hands-on lesson plans and easy to use activities. I have always believed that his social struggles were holding him back in school and while his teachers have been empathetic, they do not have the background or bandwidth to focus on helping him connect socially. I am so excited to finally have a resource and guidebook to take on that role and help him myself! It's never too late however to learn have meaningful connections and friendships. This book is a bible on how to help your children (and yourself) manage socially. THANK YOU Caroline! If they could, they would." That sentence has changed my whole understanding of my child. She is so smart, it's hard sometimes to believe that there is nothing she can't do. Yet, reaching out when she is lonely, seeing something I see that she doesn't... these are things she just can't do yet. This book has helped me understand this, and given me a way to talk to my daughter about it. I've recommended this book to every parent I know that struggles to help their child sort out social difficulties. It not only educates us on what is going on for our kids, but it give practical, detailed plans to help these kids move forward. This book is for everyone who has ever been asked that heartbreaking question!!! When a child comes to a trusted adult with this weighing heavily on their minds, they need a clear path forward….. I have had success using these techniques both with my own children and the children I work with. This book is a must read for any parent of a child with social concerns! The “tools” in this book could be for anyone- not just children. My favorite part was Caroline reinforcing the importance of developing a relationship with your child based on trust. But there is so much more and so many strategies. Great tool! ## Related Blog Posts [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-balance-childs-behavior-and-your-role/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-balance-childs-behavior-and-your-role/ "How to Balance Your Child’s Behavior and Your Role") #### [ How to Balance Your Child’s Behavior and Your Role ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-balance-childs-behavior-and-your-role/) October 13, 2021 No Comments How is your child’s behavior now that school is back.. well, sort of back? Are things moving along smoothly? Is your child, tween or teen ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-balance-childs-behavior-and-your-role/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/ "5 Life Hacks to Recognize the Importance of Tone") #### [ 5 Life Hacks to Recognize the Importance of Tone ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/) September 27, 2021 No Comments This time of year, as parents wade back into the school routine, you may be noticing your tweens and teenagers have already missed assignments. Similar ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/5-life-hacks-to-self-advocate-and-watch-tone/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/lonely-teen/) [](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/lonely-teen/ "Lonely Teen") #### [ Lonely Teen ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/lonely-teen/) August 31, 2021 No Comments Q: My son is a junior in high school and has been back to school over two weeks. I am concerned my teen is lonely. ... [ Read More → ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/lonely-teen/) ## Additional Parent Coaching Resources - **[Bullying](https://www.salon.com/2019/09/07/no-time-for-passive-parenting-show-your-kids-how-to-stand-up-to-bullies)** - **[Making friends ](https://www.salon.com/2019/09/07/no-time-for-passive-parenting-show-your-kids-how-to-stand-up-to-bullies)** - **[Parenting](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/five-words-that-will-change-your-childs-lifeand-your_b_5a5e3207e4b01ccdd48b5fd3)** - [**When Parents Embrace Social Emotional Learning Kids Feel the Joy Again**](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/when-parents-embrace-social-emotional-learning-kids-feel-the-joy-again) - **[Learn How to Coach Your Child and Help Your Child Play Better and Live Better](https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/learn-how-to-coach-your-child-and-help-your-child-play-better-and-live-better)** - **[11 Strategies That Improve Emotional Control at School and Home with ADHD](https://www.additudemag.com/emotional-control-school-home-adhd/)** --- ### [Families](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/families/) **Published:** August 10, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:**  ## Parenting Strategies For Helping Neurodiverse Kids Today, between 15% to 20% of the population is considered to be neurodiverse. According to Harvard Business Review, “Neurodiversity describes the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in many different ways; there is no one ‘right’ way of thinking, learning, and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits.” As this trend of self-recognition (or parental recognition) has grown, more people have become aware that they struggle under traditional or “normal” circumstances with basic, everyday tasks. Different learning styles affect kids profoundly trickling into the classroom in ways never previously seen. ### Loving your child is the most important step towards helping your kid feel accepted and OK. Everything else can be learned. ## What Kids Really Need… Given how socially conscious our society is, it’s interesting to note that the hashtag #neurodiverse has been used 457 million times in the past 12 months on TikTok alone. So while we’re aware of what’s happening and we can see the trends all around us, what we need to talk about is what lies at the heart of all of this, and that is the desire to belong. To feel accepted, included and respected for who we are without needing to rearrange our parts or hide the pieces of ourselves that don’t quite “fit in.” As one client said to me, “Fitting in is like cutting off parts of yourself to fit into a box. Belonging is feeling that people welcomed you, and that you’re accepted for who you are.” ## 6 Strategies To Support Neurodiverse Kids Identify Your Child's Strengths Although it is common to focus on the negative, especially academic weaknesses, instead focus on the positives. Talk to your child and identify what they think they are good at. Concentrating on what she does well and likes will help her when times get tough. Empathize With Your Child Sometimes, all that needs to be said is, “I understand.” As tempting as it is, as parents, we don’t have to have the answers to fix everything. Normalizing that frustration, pain and anxiety exist and are normal under pressure or when there is a hope or expectation that is unmet teaches your child that what they’re feeling is OK under the circumstances. And, that they are allowed and encouraged to feel their feelings as they occur. Discuss Emotions To build self-awareness, work with your child to acknowledge feelings, especially difficult ones such as anger, worry and frustration. Helping to identify and label emotions will help her learn to pause when she’s upset and build self-control and communication skills. Model using “I” statements, such as “I feel sad,” I wish you would not do that.” Keep Calm Recognize your own triggers and work at keeping calm. As a family, share ways you can cope with negative feelings and how to calm down. Perhaps you can suggest a time out or create a zen corner so everyone has a place to pause and calm down before reacting or saying something they would regret. Practicing skills like this help build self-control skills and confidence over time. Acknowledge Mistakes This is a two sided tip. Don’t hesitate to apologize when you lose your cool, make a mistake or get upset. Demonstrate that even when you have conflict with your child that you can approach it with respect and dignity. The other side is to accept your child apologies and wishes to be better in the future. By teaching that mistakes, missteps and blunders are normal for us all, you reduce the pressure on your child to be perfect. This helps neurodiverse kids immensely. Highlight The Wins Celebrate with your kid when they do things well. This doesn’t mean balloons and streamers for every good deed, it simply is noticing, acknowledging and honoring the progress your child is making in their life. I make a point to say to my kids on a regular basis “atta boy” “practice makes better” and “I can see that you tried your best.” Each of these phrases infuses into your kid that you believe in them and see great things for their future, whatever that may look like. [  ](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) ## Building Social Capital is Critical for Strong Relationships. “Social capital is the network and goodwill that you have with other people that help you not only accomplish tasks, but also \[maintain\] important social connections,” [Read more](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/). My son and I often fought about the fact that he was rude to other people. He only wanted to play video games and wasn’t interested in hanging out with others. Keith would not even engage in a discussion about his social skills. That is when we found the Play Better Plan. I worked to learn to coach my son rather than telling him what to do. After a few weeks, he became willing to try doing a polite pretend where he pretends to be polite even when he feels bored or frustrated. As a parent, I have learned that you have to continually follow through with what you and your child learn through coaching. It is a process that, given time, patience and effort will be worth it both for your child’s social skills and for your parent-child relationship. JenniferMother There was a lot of frustration and anger on my side before I went to see Caroline. I was getting calls from my son’s school about him upsetting other kids. I thought I was doing something wrong—that I was a bad parent and that my son’s behavioral problems reflected poorly on me. What really helped me was understanding how the brain works. I learned how his brain worked. And I learned that there were ways I could help him. I used to fight with him every day about piano, about karate, about not being on the iPad. He would be rude to other adults or he’d push around another kids at soccer practice. And I did not know what to do. Now, I am able to handle these situations. Because of the coaching program, I have made real progress with Andy. We no longer fight. He is also doing better with other kids at school, and I am happy to say he hasn’t had any incidents in the last month. We are still using the program today, and I have so much more confidence as a parent. Iris M. Mother But, the biggest gift the coaching program gave all of us is that of recognizing Gracie’s strengths and uniqueness, and helping us to acknowledge and accept that her ways of moving through the world are always going to be different. Caroline helped us figure out which battles were worth fighting, and where I (in particular) could ease up. Today, Gracie is in 4th grade. She is succeeding at school, with some accommodations, and has been able to make and maintain friendships. She still gets herself into trouble from time to time, and she has to work to bring her best self to school each day. But she now has the tools to do that, and we are better able to support that effort. She has been working very hard, and she feels proud of her progress. Gracie now sees herself as capable of trying and succeeding. She gets asked for playdates and activities, and is able to reciprocate invitations. What a difference! I only wish that there was enough of Caroline to go around to all of the other moms, kids, and families who struggle with this same stuff. Gretchen L. MotherPlay Better Coaching Graduate I was leery of the Play Better Plan. I felt overwhelmed and felt sure there would be no way I could do this, much less that it would be something my kid would agree to do. At first he was resistant but we learned how to have fun with it and laugh when we stumbled. Using coaching to talk about hard things with my son Andy made the conversations less antagonistic— and it worked. Patrick M. Father My daughter Jenny was struggling with ADHD and anxiety. Our relationship was breaking down, and her other social relationships were becoming challenging. She was overly sensitive to what kids and teachers had to say. Every minor conflict blew up into a giant problem in her mind. Her emotions got the better of her, and she would lash back at her friends. People started leaving her out of group events, and her grades were suffering as her anxiety grew. I was really starting to worry about her future. When we started Caroline Maguire’s coaching program, we saw a huge improvement right away. The program helped me communicate better with Jenny. I was able to help her look at those minor problems more objectively. Very quickly, Jenny learned to pause and problem- solve instead of overreacting. She learned strategies to cope with her emotions, and she learned to calm herself. Now, many years later, she is a successful college student with a strong group of friends. The coaching model helped Jenny develop life skills to manage emotions and get along with other people. Pam K. Mother ## Family Blogs [ View All Articles ](/parenting-blog/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/)### [ Why So Many Women With ADHD Feel Successful At Work But Lost When It Comes To Making Friends ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) May 1, 2026 There is a particular kind of loneliness I hear frequently from women who were diagnosed with ADHD later in life. These are smart, capable, deeply thoughtful women. They run meetings, [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/women-with-adhd-make-friends/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/)### [ Post-Event Processing: Why Your Brain Replays Social Moments (and What to Actually Do About It) ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) March 11, 2026 You get home. Maybe you’re still in the car, pulling out of the parking lot. And then, out of nowhere… It starts. Did I talk too much? Why did I [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/post-event-processing/) [ ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/)### [ Anxious Overcorrection & ADHD: Why You Feel the Urge To “Fix It” Immediately ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) February 28, 2026 Have you ever left a conversation and felt a spike of panic? You replay what you said. You analyze their tone. You notice a delayed response to your text. Within [ Read More » ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/anxious-overcorrection-adhd/) --- ### [Need a Coach](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/need-a-coach/) **Published:** August 30, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Parenting Coach Directory From Caroline Maguire I am often asked to recommend coaches who are trained in my Play Better methodology. This online directory of Play Better Coaches have attended my Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families at the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA). All of these coaches have also been certified by the International Coach Federation (ICF). ## How to Connect Coaching is often done virtually. The coach will guide you as to whether or not this is an option for you. Please contact the coach directly to set up the relationship and coaching agreement. If you do not find a coach in your area, that may be because there are so few trained, certified coaches. **NOTE FROM CAROLINE:** The professionals on this list are those whom we know through experience and/or who have taken my professional training[.](https://www.adhdmarriage.com/seminars/adhd-effect-couples) This does not guarantee that you will have an excellent experience with them (and please let us know if you don’t!) but it does mean that we believe they are tuned into the specific experiences of social challenges.  ##### Linda King The Joy Of Getting Things Done Clients: children | teens Reading, MA [ Read More... ](/linda-king-the-joy-of-getting-things-done/)  ##### Patty BlindermanPositive Focus, LLC Clients: teens | young adults | adults Chicago, IL [ Read More... ](/patty-blinderman-positive-focus-llc/)  ##### Andrea ElromCreADDive Solutions Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults New York, NY [ Read More... ](/andrea-elrom-creaddive-solutions/)  ##### Mandy Hasslen, PCCADHD Kid Coach LLC Clients: children | teens Minneapolis, MN [ Read More... ](/mandy-hasslen-gartner-adhd-kid-coach-llc/)  ##### Cydney HubbardIntegrative Coaching For Families, LLC Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults Phoenix, AZ [ Read More... ](/cydney-hubbard-integrative-coaching-for-families-llc/)  ##### Dana MaherDana Maher Coaching LLC Clients: young adults | adults Clark, NJ [ Read More... ](/dana-maher-dana-maher-coaching-llc/)  ##### Heidi SmithAnchored Attention LLC Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults Poolesville, MD [ Read More... ](/heidi-smith-anchored-attention-llc/)  ##### Natalia Van Rikxoort, MSW, ACCLotus Life Coaching Services Clients: children | teens | young adults | adults Mission Viejo, CA [ Read More... ](/natalia-van-rikxoort-msw-acc-lotus-life-coaching-services/)  ##### Mira WeinfeldMiraMind X, LLC Clients: young adults | adults Hartsdale, NY [ Read More... ](/mira-weinfeld-made2focus-performance-llc/)  ##### Sonal Singh Clients: children | teens New Delhi, India [ Read More... ](/sonal-singh/) --- ### [Checkout](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/checkout/) **Published:** October 2, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** --- ### [Making Friends As Your Authentic Self - Quiz](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/unmasking-friendship-free-gift/) **Published:** August 29, 2025 **Author:** Melanie Gorman **Content:** ## How Vulnerable Are You To Masking? #### Self-Assessment Quiz Masking means hiding or camouflaging parts of yourself to fit in, avoid judgment, or make others comfortable. While it can help in certain situations, over time it’s draining and can disconnect you from your authentic self. This quiz is a gentle way to notice your patterns. It’s not a test; there are no “right” or “wrong” answers. Instead, it helps you explore how often you mask, which situations feel safe or stressful, and how this impacts your well-being. At the end, you’ll receive personalized feedback and a toolkit with practical strategies, journal prompts, and small steps to help you feel safer showing up as yourself in everyday situations. Ready to get started? ***P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at *** [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) --- ### [Joining a Group Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/joining-a-group-video/) **Published:** September 16, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** ## Joining a Group Video --- ### [Metacognition Worksheet: Taking a Bird’s Eye View](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/metacognition-worksheet/) **Published:** November 4, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** Thank you for your interest in the **Metacognition: Taking a Bird’s Eye View** handout. How do humans develop self-awareness? Research shows us that self-awareness begins in childhood, and is linked to metacognitive processes of the brain. Each brain is different. If we can truly understand how we best acquire knowledge, we can learn to regulate our behavior to optimize learning. If we can tap into our strengths our metacognitive abilities increase. This handout details the elements involved in one’s ability to think about one’s thinking. Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Please follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineM ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire) Name \*First Last Email \* Submit [  ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in my [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** --- ### [Oblivious Kid](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/oblivious-kid/) **Published:** November 4, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Content:** Thank you for your interest in the Oblivious Kid handout. According to the Laws of Science, repeated activities should predict outcomes. In this handout, Caroline shares insight into the mind of your child. These kids aren’t necessarily lonely, although many are. They have low self-awareness, and fail to understand the social world. Learn actionable steps to help a child read social cues, body language, tone, and facial expressions. Find out how to help your child be the first to reach out to a potential new friend and how to embrace responsibility for their actions. Let’s help your child or teen finally connect the dots between actions and the social sphere. Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at [caroline@carolinemaguireauthor.com](mailto:caroline@necoaching.com) Please follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineM ###### Stay Connected [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinemaguire/) [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/) [ Pinterest ](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) [ Medium ](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire) Name \*First Last Email \* Submit  ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in my [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** --- ### [Telling a Tight Story](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tight-story/) **Published:** April 29, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! Please download my video gift called ***Telling a Tight Story*** **[Please go to this page for more information](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/tell-a-tight-story/)**. Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at Please follow me on social media at @AuthorCarolineCM --- ### [How to Use Why Will No One Play With Me? for Adults](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-use-why-will-no-one-play-with-me-for-adults/) **Published:** April 24, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! Please download my video gift called **HOW TO Use** [***Why Will No One Play With Me?***](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) – Coach Yourself to Build Social Skills as an Adult! This video is 13 minutes and chock full of actionable advice. [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) is a practical guide for parents, educators, clinicians and adults to learn HOW TO overcome chronic social exclusion or disruption that targets specific social skills deficits. It addresses the painful challenges that can affect anyone, anywhere. Social isolation is universal, it is a Human Problem. This book has changed many lives for the better! Winner of three prestigious awards: - [**Winner, Parenting & Family, The 2020 Best Book Awards**](http://americanbookfest.com/parentingfamily.html) - [**MOM’S CHOICE AWARD**](https://store.momschoiceawards.com/index.php?entry_id=9188) - [BookAuthority’s BEST ADHD BOOKS OF ALL TIME](https://bookauthority.org/author/Caroline-Maguire)!** ### [ORDER NOW!](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/#mbt-book-purchase-anchor) Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at Please follow me on social media @AuthorCarolineM [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) Name \*First Last Email \* Submit  ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in my [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** --- ### [Video Controlling the Impulse to Overshare](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/controlling-the-impulse-to-overshare/) **Published:** May 1, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello! I’m delighted you joined me here! Please download my video gift, ***Controlling the Impulse to Overshare.*** Do you get caught up in verbally processing what others are saying, do you struggle with an impulse to overshare and then begin blurting out **T**oo **M**uch **I**nformation (**TMI**)? This is a self-regulation issue. Watch for my advice on how to overcome TMI! Cheers! xoxoxo Caroline P.S. Feel free to email me with questions at Please follow me on social media @AuthorCarolineM Name \*First Last Email \* Submit [ Youtube ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A) [ Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) [ Instagram ](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm) [ Linkedin ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/) ## Social Skills in Action #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Adult Live Social Skills Seminars with Caroline. Learn more in the Store**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize):** --- ### [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) **Published:** October 2, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire --- ### [Privacy Policy](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/privacy-policy/) **Published:** February 7, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Effective date: November 19, 2018 Caroline Maguire, M. Ed. (“us”, “we”, or “our”) operates the https://carolinemaguireauthor.com website (the “Service”). This page informs you of our policies regarding the collection, use, and disclosure of personal data when you use our Service and the choices you have associated with that data. Our Privacy Policy for Author Caroline Maguire is managed through Free Privacy Policy Website. We use your data to provide and improve the Service. By using the Service, you agree to the collection and use of information in accordance with this policy. Unless otherwise defined in this Privacy Policy, terms used in this Privacy Policy have the same meanings as in our Terms and Conditions, accessible from https://carolinemaguireauthor.com ## Information Collection And Use We collect several different types of information for various purposes to provide and improve our Service to you. ## Types of Data Collected ### Personal Data While using our Service, we may ask you to provide us with certain personally identifiable information that can be used to contact or identify you (“Personal Data”). Personally identifiable information may include, but is not limited to: ### Email address Cookies and Usage Data ### Usage Data We may also collect information how the Service is accessed and used (“Usage Data”). This Usage Data may include information such as your computer’s Internet Protocol address (e.g. IP address), browser type, browser version, the pages of our Service that you visit, the time and date of your visit, the time spent on those pages, unique device identifiers and other diagnostic data. ## Tracking & Cookies Data We use cookies and similar tracking technologies to track the activity on our Service and hold certain information. Cookies are files with small amount of data which may include an anonymous unique identifier. Cookies are sent to your browser from a website and stored on your device. Tracking technologies also used are beacons, tags, and scripts to collect and track information and to improve and analyze our Service. You can instruct your browser to refuse all cookies or to indicate when a cookie is being sent. However, if you do not accept cookies, you may not be able to use some portions of our Service. ### Examples of Cookies we use: Session Cookies. We use Session Cookies to operate our Service. Security Cookies. We use Security Cookies for security purposes. ## Use of Data Author Caroline Maguire uses the collected data for various purposes: - To provide and maintain the Service - To notify you about changes to our Service - To allow you to participate in interactive features of our Service when you choose to do so - To provide customer care and support - To provide analysis or valuable information so that we can improve the Service - To monitor the usage of the Service - To detect, prevent and address technical issues ## Transfer Of Data Your information, including Personal Data, may be transferred to — and maintained on — computers located outside of your state, province, country or other governmental jurisdiction where the data protection laws may differ than those from your jurisdiction. If you are located outside United States and choose to provide information to us, please note that we transfer the data, including Personal Data, to United States and process it there. Your consent to this Privacy Policy followed by your submission of such information represents your agreement to that transfer. Author Caroline Maguire will take all steps reasonably necessary to ensure that your data is treated securely and in accordance with this Privacy Policy and no transfer of your Personal Data will take place to an organization or a country unless there are adequate controls in place including the security of your data and other personal information. ## Disclosure Of Data ### Legal Requirements Author Caroline Maguire may disclose your Personal Data in the good faith belief that such action is necessary to: - To comply with a legal obligation - To protect and defend the rights or property of Author Caroline Maguire - To prevent or investigate possible wrongdoing in connection with the Service - To protect the personal safety of users of the Service or the public - To protect against legal liability ### Security Of Data The security of your data is important to us, but remember that no method of transmission over the Internet, or method of electronic storage is 100% secure. While we strive to use commercially acceptable means to protect your Personal Data, we cannot guarantee its absolute security. ## Service Providers We may employ third party companies and individuals to facilitate our Service (“Service Providers”), to provide the Service on our behalf, to perform Service-related services or to assist us in analyzing how our Service is used. These third parties have access to your Personal Data only to perform these tasks on our behalf and are obligated not to disclose or use it for any other purpose. ### Analytics We may use third-party Service Providers to monitor and analyze the use of our Service. ### Google Analytics Google Analytics is a web analytics service offered by Google that tracks and reports website traffic. Google uses the data collected to track and monitor the use of our Service. This data is shared with other Google services. Google may use the collected data to contextualize and personalize the ads of its own advertising network. You can opt-out of having made your activity on the Service available to Google Analytics by installing the Google Analytics opt-out browser add-on. The add-on prevents the Google Analytics JavaScript (ga.js, analytics.js, and dc.js) from sharing information with Google Analytics about visits activity. For more information on the privacy practices of Google, please visit the Google Privacy & Terms web page: ### Links To Other Sites Our Service may contain links to other sites that are not operated by us. If you click on a third party link, you will be directed to that third party’s site. We strongly advise you to review the Privacy Policy of every site you visit. We have no control over and assume no responsibility for the content, privacy policies or practices of any third party sites or services. ## Children’s Privacy Our Service does not address anyone under the age of 18 (“Children”). We do not knowingly collect personally identifiable information from anyone under the age of 18. If you are a parent or guardian and you are aware that your Children has provided us with Personal Data, please contact us. If we become aware that we have collected Personal Data from children without verification of parental consent, we take steps to remove that information from our servers. ## Changes To This Privacy Policy We may update our Privacy Policy from time to time. We will notify you of any changes by posting the new Privacy Policy on this page. We will let you know via email and/or a prominent notice on our Service, prior to the change becoming effective and update the “effective date” at the top of this Privacy Policy. You are advised to review this Privacy Policy periodically for any changes. Changes to this Privacy Policy are effective when they are posted on this page. ## Contact Us If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us: By email: --- ### [My account](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/my-account/) **Published:** October 2, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** [ ](/my-account/downloads/) ### [ My Downloads ](/my-account/downloads/) [ ](/my-account/members-area/) ### [ My Videos ](/my-account/members-area/) [ ](/my-account/orders/) ### [ My Orders ](/my-account/orders/) [ ](/my-account/edit-account/) ### [ Account Details ](/my-account/edit-account/) --- ### [Cart](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/cart/) **Published:** October 2, 2020 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** --- ## ElementsKit items ### [dynamic-content-megamenu-menuitem2514](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/elementskit-content/dynamic-content-megamenu-menuitem2514/) **Published:** June 2, 2023 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ##### [Families](/families) - [Parent Coaching](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parent-coaching/) - [Parent Coaching](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/parent-coaching/) ##### [Educators](/educators) - [Neurodiversity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/neurodiversity/) - [Family Parent Engagement](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/family-parent-engagement/) - [Neurodiversity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/neurodiversity/) - [Family Parent Engagement](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/family-parent-engagement/) ##### [Adults](/adults) - [Young Adults](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teens-young-adults/) - [Rejection Sensitivity & Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/intimacy-and-relationships/) - [Workplace](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) - [Young Adults](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/teens-young-adults/) - [Rejection Sensitivity & Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/intimacy-and-relationships/) - [Workplace](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) --- ## Medias ### [Oversharing & Underinvesting: The Social Traps That Snare ADHD Adults (with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/oversharing-underinvesting-the-social-traps-that-snare-adhd-adults-with-caroline-maguire-m-ed-2/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this hour-long webinar with ADDitude, Caroline Maguire talks about the social traps and friendship foibles that impact adults with ADHD, whose inattention, impulsivity, or emotional dysregulation may strain connections with others. **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Will My Child Find a Best Friend This School Year?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/will-my-child-find-a-best-friend-this-school-year/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Social skills may not come naturally to kids with ADHD, who may seem bossy or oblivious, attract bullies, or hide in video games. Here’s how to help your child make friends (and keep them) this year. Bossy. Irritating. Loud. Spacey. Random. Children and teens with ADHD are called all these things. We see their genuine and loving hearts, but they have trouble keeping, making, and being accepted by friends. And that is heartbreaking. When parents help strengthen social skills in kids with ADHD, however, friendships can blossom into lifelong relationships. Here are tips for different age groups as your student heads into the school year. #### Elementary School ##### The Wallflower: Doesn’t mix in and is passively social Walking the rim of the playground, sitting alone at lunch, rarely invited to “hang,” these kids spend a lot of time alone. One encounter with rejection, real or perceived, will stop them from trying to initiate a friendship again. ##### What you can do: Explain to your child that people want to hear from her; she matters! Encourage your child to “use her words” to express her needs. Practice conversations she will have in daily life with teachers, bus drivers, coaches, and grandparents. Encourage her to express emotions and build self-advocacy and communication skills. The root problem here may be low self-esteem, as children with ADHD often expect alienation, regardless of what they do. Find a place for her to shine. What are her superpowers? How can she use them? Where can you find like-minded kids? It is easier to persuade younger kids to try new things, so now is the time to introduce new activities and groups. Friends build confidence and assuage loneliness. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/social-skills-kids-adhd-help-your-child-make-friends/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [When Your ADHD Teen Has Questionable Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-your-adhd-teen-has-questionable-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Banning friends and forbidding your ADHD teen from seeing people that you don’t like won’t work. Having a focused, collaborative conversation about your teen’s thoughts on friendship will. Q: “My teenager is having a rocky time with friendships. Lately, she is choosing questionable friends. These ‘friends’ are not treating her well, and, because of their influence, she seems to be heading in a troubling direction. I don’t like these kids, and I am worried. Do I ban the friendships?” --- A: You have hit on one of the most heartbreaking experiences as a parent raising a kid with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD). Watching your child make bad choices, and feeling that she is not being treated well, is painful. It’s not easy at this age. Right now your daughter’s peer group is the biggest factor influencing her choices and behavior. You asked if you should interfere. I’d take a less direct approach. Help your teenager think about who treats her well and discuss the joys of friendship. Banning a friendship usually backfires and leads to a big divide in the parent-child relationship. I worked with a young girl whose parents did not like the girlfriend she was hanging around with. After several attempts to get their daughter to end the friendship, the parents decided to forbid the relationship. The child withdrew from her parents. She’d hide out in her room for hours. There was a lack of trust and a lot of anger on both sides. Setting boundaries can be tough, but by talking to your daughter about friendship, without judging her or imposing restrictions, you increase the chances that she will go to you when she has problems with friends. Here are some tips for having this conversation. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/your-adhd-teens-friendships/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [When ADHD Impulsivity Jeopardizes Your Job and Friendships: 8 Expert Tips](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-adhd-impulsivity-jeopardizes-your-job-and-friendships-8-expert-tips/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ADHD impulsivity can have a frustrating and even serious impact on adult life. If your impulsiveness is hurting friendships, ruining work prospects, or leading to unnecessary purchases, try implementing the following expert advice. By Ari Tuckman, Psy.D. Q: “I am a 39-year-old single male who has been diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder. I am very impulsive and that impulsivity has really screwed up my life. I have lost friends, jobs, and I don’t feel good about myself. I am verbally and physically impulsive. I once bought a car on the spot when I was low on savings. I spoke back to my boss and I was too frank with friends. Can you help? I am taking medication.” --- ##### Reduce ADHD Impulsivity Impulsivity can get you into trouble, especially with other people. People make assumptions about our character based on our actions, so impulsivity can make it easy for others to get the wrong idea about who you are. Impulsivity is one of the core symptoms of ADHD. It’s essentially leaping without looking—acting (or speaking) without pausing to think about what will happen next. It seems like a good idea in the moment, but afterward you realize that you feel differently about it. Sometimes these ill-advised actions are reversible, but sometimes they aren’t. The problem with impulsivity is that, because it involves acting before pausing to think things through, advice to resist the impulse just isn’t helpful. The deed is done by the time you stop to think about it. The most effective points of intervention involve reducing the intensity of those impulses rather than resisting them. Let’s talk about how to keep them at bay. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-impulsivity-job-friendship-tips/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [The Path to Adult Friendship, Demystified: From Acquaintance to Friend](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-path-to-adult-friendship-demystified-from-acquaintance-to-friend/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** What’s the difference between an acquaintance and a friend, and how can you bridge the gap between the two? Learn how to spot signs that someone wants to be your friend, and how to transform a casual connection into a friendship. ###### ADHD and Friendships: Key Takeaways - It takes time and repeated encounters to evolve from acquaintanceship to friendship. - Demonstrating mutual interest by initiating conversation or chatting longer than intended, for instance, are signs that an acquaintance wants to be your friend. - See your acquaintance outside of your usual context to begin to bridge the gap. Choose a small, low-risk activity that naturally branches off from the main activity. Friendships don’t form overnight. Most friendships take shape thanks to proximity and shared experiences. Meeting the same people repeatedly and sharing mini experiences with them over and over sets the scene. Friendships start in this cycle of regularly coming together in a circle of participation, sparking, and coming apart. For neurodivergent individuals who often want friendships to happen ASAP, this slow transformation from acquaintances into true friends is hard. So is understanding the difference between an acquaintance and a friend, and how to bridge the gap effectively. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/acquaintance-vs-friend-bridge-gap-relationship/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Q: My Teen Is Suffering Quarantine Fatigue. How Can I Lift the Dark Cloud?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/q-my-teen-is-suffering-quarantine-fatigue-how-can-i-lift-the-dark-cloud/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Quarantine fatigue is real. If your teen with ADHD hates remote learning and social distancing, help them by reintroducing connection and enthusiasm in their lives — and by getting them evaluated if their behaviors are worrying. Q: “My 16-year-old daughter is not coping well with the pandemic. Remote learning with ADHD hasn’t worked well and has even caused some emotional problems for her. She has had low self-esteem for years, but I worry that she might now be depressed. She had an active social life, but with social distancing, she seems lonely and down and unmotivated. Virtual friendships and texting have run their course. How can I help?” --- Let me start with, “I hear you!” Several months of quarantine have transformed all of us into unhealthy versions of our former selves. Remote learning is challenging for many teenagers, especially so for those with ADHD and low self-esteem. Their executive function skills — in the part of the brain that manages organization, motivation, self-monitoring, attention, future thinking, and prioritization — lag approximately three years behind those of neurotypical classmates. Remote or hybrid learning can and does cause mental fatigue. It also sounds like your daughter’s social life is very important to her. In order to identify why being social is so important, I suggest that you do some digging. Ask her what she misses about “being social,” and how being with friends makes her feel. How is it different now? Do any parts of virtual connection bring joy? Her answers will identify her social values and help you determine how to stimulate good feelings and experiences during social distancing. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/quarantine-fatigue-adhd-teens/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Q: “Why Do I Attract Emotionally Draining People?”](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/q-why-do-i-attract-emotionally-draining-people/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “Not everyone who vents or overshares is toxic. But a pattern of one-sidedness and lack of reciprocity could indicate that it is not worth entering into or continuing a relationship with someone.” Q: “Though I have ADHD, oversharing isn’t a problem for me. Overhearing is. I listen more than I talk in conversations, the result being that I often attract emotionally draining people who are desperate to unload. My ‘friendships’ end up one-sided, with me being the sounding board/shoulder to cry on and constantly giving, but not feeling like there’s space to open up myself. How can I strike a balance?” --- The ADHD tendencies to feel emotions deeply and people-please are partly at work here. You’re a great listener because you’re empathetic and you care. You take it upon yourself to heal others’ wounds and make them feel better. Past social challenges and experiences with rejection may have made you more inclined to let anyone into your life, even those who drain you. No matter the reason, here are strategies for setting boundaries. #### Is It All About Them? Not everyone who vents or overshares is toxic. But a pattern of one-sidedness and lack of reciprocity could indicate that it is not worth entering into or continuing a relationship with someone. How does the person respond, for example, when you open up about yourself? Do they redirect the conversation back to themselves, or do they care about what you have to say and give you the space to share? When you change topics to a shared interest, are they receptive to it, or does the subject end up going back to them? Be aware of other early red flags to help you determine if someone is truly toxic or simply opening up to you (and giving you permission to do the same). Use this friendship red flags exercise to guide you. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/emotionally-draining-people-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Q: “My ADHD Friend Overshares. A Lot. How Do I Bring It Up to Them?”](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/q-my-adhd-friend-overshares-a-lot-how-do-i-bring-it-up-to-them/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It’s important to not make your friend — or anyone, for that matter — feel like oversharing is a dealbreaker. I admire your desire to approach this topic with kindness. First thing’s first: Any conversation about your friend should take place in person, not over text, to avoid things getting lost in translation and worsening her rejection sensitivity When you do broach the subject, continue to lead with kindness. Say, “Hey, I’ve been trying to educate myself about neurodiversity, and I recently learned about oversharing.” This may open the floor for your friend to talk about her own relationship to oversharing and whether she feels she struggles with it. If she does talk about it, you can follow up with, “What can we do together to figure this out? What would help you?” A collaborative approach will help your friend feel supported, not judged. It’s important to not make your friend — or anyone, for that matter — feel like oversharing is a dealbreaker. That would be unfair, and whether it’s oversharing or another challenge, no one is perfect. Everyone has something or is working on something. There is no benefit to making anyone feel bad about their ‘somethings.’ ***[Read the full article on ADDitude.](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-oversharing-friendship-strain/)*** **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Q: “I’m a Flaky Friend. How Do I Break the Last-Minute-Cancel Cycle?”](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/q-im-a-flaky-friend-how-do-i-break-the-last-minute-cancel-cycle/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Three questions to ask yourself before you turn down that invite, and other tips for managing social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria so that you can maintain your commitments. Q: “I have a bad track record of flaking on plans with friends. I’m enthusiastic about the plans at first, but nervousness, social anxiety, and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) get the better of me, and I cancel at the last minute. My friends, of course, get upset. And then the invites stop coming, which only makes me feel worse. How do I break this cycle?” Isn’t it strange that, despite our desire to meet new people and maintain friendships, we still find ourselves turning down invites or outright canceling plans — self-sabotaging actions that can cost us friendships? I know. I’ve been there. You don’t have to accept every invite. You don’t have to agree to be in uncomfortable environments that are simply too much for you. But turning down too many of them, especially key invites and events that are within your comfort level, can carry consequences. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/flaky-friend-social-anxiety-rsd-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Q: “How Do I Avoid Oversharing on a First Date?”](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/q-how-do-i-avoid-oversharing-on-a-first-date/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “Whether it’s first dates or small talk with colleagues and acquaintances, set clear rules for yourself well ahead of time about what you will not discuss.” Q: “How do I approach connecting with someone who is a virtual stranger? I’ll have to divulge some personal information on a date for sure, but how much is too much to share? And how do I save myself in the moment if I do end up talking about irrelevant or uncomfortable topics?” #### Lead with Your Heart Stick to talking about your passions. With an interest-based brain, you’ll be able to put your best foot forward — and see if you really zing with someone — when you focus on what excites you. If you’re into horror films, for example, share that with your date and see how they respond. You may learn that horror isn’t their thing, but true crime podcasts are. (And that’s how the conversation keeps going and stays somewhat on track.) #### Establish Clear Boundaries Whether regarding first dates or small talk with colleagues and acquaintances, set clear rules for yourself about what you will and will not discuss. Consider these topics off limits: - body fluids and functions - odor and hygiene - sexual history - money - medical history - traumatic events and family histories [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-not-overshare-first-date-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Q: “How Can I Prepare My ADHD Teen for 9th Grade?”](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/q-how-can-i-prepare-my-adhd-teen-for-9th-grade/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Identify your rising 9th grader’s true emotional maturity, buy school supplies early, review his ADHD accommodations, and more tips for exceeding the academic demands and expectations of high school. Q: “My teen with ADHD will enter high school in the fall. How can I help him prepare for the academic demands and higher expectations in 9th grade?” Ninth grade is a big leap for kids with ADHD, whose emotional maturity and executive functioning may lag a few years behind that of their neurotypical peers. Your teen will be navigating a new school (and the stress of finding classrooms), new teachers, new peers, and more advanced classwork while undergoing hormonal changes and new social dynamics. These pressures can exacerbate ADHD symptoms or reveal related difficulties. ##### 6 Tips for 9th Grade Help your teen meet the new challenges of high school with the following tips: 1. Build skills. Identify your teen’s true emotional maturity. For example, does your 8th grader relate to others on a 5th-grade level? Consider what skills will be essential in high school and what you can do together to build them. For example, you might coach your teen on how to respond to teachers and role-play the interactions so he can practice using a respectful tone. Reflecting on situations your teen has navigated successfully in middle school also builds confidence. Offer reassurance and support. 2. Get organized. Buy school supplies early, if possible, and set up a desk or a quiet place in the home for your teen to do his schoolwork. Create a routine for organizing your teen’s backpack and notebooks. Get familiar with the school’s website and apps for viewing classes, assignments, events, and grades. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/9th-grade-adhd-student-preparing-for-high-school/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Q: "Am I Stuck In a One-Sided Friendship?”](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/q-am-i-stuck-in-a-one-sided-friendship/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “A red flag in a friendship is when there is no reciprocity or if they’re only interested in doing things on their terms.” Q: “Of my friends, I’m always the one reaching out and planning events. How do I know if the others are just busy with their own lives, or if they’re trying to tell me that this friendship is not for them?” It’s not uncommon for adults with ADHD to worry about oversharing, being overbearing, or misreading social signals. If this is you, begin by asking, Am I giving too much? Think about how your friends respond to determine if you have a one-sided friendship ##### Signs of Friendship - If you are always the one who invites them, do they show up to whatever you’ve planned? - Do they seem to want to spend time with you, and it’s just that they’re not great planners? - Do they say things like, “Ugh, I’m so bad at planning”? - When you are with them, do your friends stay present in the conversation and show an interest in you? - Do they share their feelings about things with you? - If you drop hints that you need something, do they offer to give it to you? These are signs that someone really wants to be your friend. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/one-sided-friendship-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [How Tweens Can Trigger Mom’s ADHD Symptoms — and How to Keep Your Cool](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-tweens-can-trigger-moms-adhd-symptoms-and-how-to-keep-your-cool/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Being a mom with ADHD is already a precarious balancing act. But add a tween’s hormone-fueled emotions and thirst for independence to the mix, and it may be harder than ever for Mom to manage her own symptoms. Take control of your child’s behaviors — and your ADHD — with these strategies. How many times have you been out to a restaurant for a family dinner when your tween wouldn’t put down the phone? Texting, playing games, checking to see who’s posted on Instagram — it never ends. Or maybe you’re at home and have cleaned the kitchen. You asked your child a couple of times to take out the trash and you get that look that says, “I don’t remember you asking me to do that.” You almost lose it. Moms with ADHD have to manage their own symptoms as they try to manage their child’s behavior. Preteens and teenagers are adept at inciting our emotions and drawing us into arguments. Managing multiple schedules and disciplining children are especially taxing for moms. Being consistent is hard, but it’s harder for moms who overreact to everyday discipline issues. Use these tips to set yourself up for success: Be aware of your triggers. If you often lose control, look at the triggers that set you off. A trigger is an emotional reaction to something, maybe a particular situation or circumstance, that knocks you off balance. Are you hungry, tired, or did you have a long day? Are you taking on too many activities? Do you feel pressure about something? Is there a particular topic you discuss with your child that seems to provoke a reaction? [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/being-a-mom-with-adhd-teen-discipline-challenges/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [How to Nurture Social Emotional Development in Isolation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-nurture-social-emotional-development-in-isolation/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** With practice and patience, parents of children with ADHD can promote their social emotional development — even while social distancing — and help them gain confidence that endures in the “real” world. In many states and families, isolation is essential during this pandemic. But is necessary social distancing creating a social-emotional crisis for children with ADHD who can’t easily practice their social skills, make friends, and nurture their emotional wellbeing now? It’s hard not to worry about how remote or hybrid learning, canceled sports, and rare play dates are impacting their social emotional development, especially when ADHD is already a complicating factor. Though we can’t wave a magic wand to end quarantines, parents can still help their children develop social skills while stuck at home in a way that translates to the in-person world. #### Social Emotional Development in Children with ADHD Social emotional development takes root when children witness the social world – whether online or in person – and how it works. Encouraging children to engage in, and reflect on, the social world — rather than simply describing it — helps them intuitively build the skills to move through it. Parents can help children pay attention to, and reflect on, their interactions by asking open-ended questions (who, what, when, where, how?) and by practicing reflective listening. Here are some recommended strategies for doing that. ##### 1. Prep Your Child (and Yourself) First Many children resist learning new social skills. Maybe they are holding tight to a fixed story about themselves that they don’t recognize is hindering them socially and alienating other kids. When kids constantly hear that they need to “fix” something about themselves, it may spur a fear of failure, and therefore, hinder attempts to learn new skills. Apart from that, making friends and being social is hard. Many parents do not realize that they’re communicating with their child in a way that discourages or annoys them. That’s why it’s important to first understand your child’s point of view and focus on building a positive relationship with them so that they become active participants. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/social-emotional-development-adhd-quarantine/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [How to Break Your Habit of Oversharing](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-break-your-habit-of-oversharing/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Oh, no, you’ve said too much. Again. If you often find yourself in TMI mode, use these strategies to control ADHD impulsivity and stop oversharing in social settings. Do you impulsively unload private details to new acquaintances? Do you feel an inexplicable urge to break awkward silences or build connections by divulging intimate, sometimes inappropriate, information about yourself? Do you find it difficult to stop oversharing, even when you know that you’re making others uncomfortable? Neurodivergent minds like ours are prone to oversharing because we love to immediately zing with people. We enjoy giving, sharing, and feeling like someone is our best friend after five minutes of meeting them. We want to convey to others that we’re an open book. That we’re sincere and authentic. A lifetime of challenges with social skills and making friends can also drive us to overshare in a desperate bid for connection. Even if you exude high-quality friendship material, oversharing, as you and I both know, isn’t the best way to show it. In fact, it often backfires. Curbing your habit of oversharing will come with time, but doing so requires lots of patience. Use these eight strategies to help you reel in your speech and share mindfully. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-stop-oversharing-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [How to Be Your Child’s Social Emotional Learning Coach](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-be-your-childs-social-emotional-learning-coach/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Whether due to rejection sensitivity, poor self-awareness, social anxiety, or executive dysfunction, social challenges follow many children with ADHD as they grow. Parents can take a page from the social-emotional learning approach to guide their kids toward social success. Here are 6 ways to get started. Social-emotional learning is more than just engaging in play, and it’s more than just making chitchat. It is learning designed to build a wide range of foundational skills — including emotional regulation, decision-making, self-awareness, and problem-solving — that help children make friends and successfully navigate social settings. While some kids develop these skills instinctively, many only master them with direct instruction — and, often, kids with ADHD fall into the latter category. Difficulty with social skills can take many different forms. Maybe your child is exhibiting behavior that’s alienating peers, like interrupting or talking loudly. Maybe your child experiences social anxiety and has difficulty approaching new friends. Possibly your child has rejection sensitivity and feels as though peers don’t like them. If this sounds familiar, social-emotional learning could help. The thing to know about the social skills needed to make friends is that they can’t be learned in a lecture. We need models. We need to witness the desired (or undesired) behavior in others, which makes it possible to notice it in ourselves. Then we use that information to rehearse new behaviors, self-correct, and try them in real social situations. That’s where parents come in — serving in the critical role of coach. Begin by having a fruitful series of conversations with your kids about their social landscape and their relationship to it. From there, roll up your sleeves and help your child learn, through models, planning and practice, the skills they need to make, and keep, friends. Here’s how to get started. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/social-emotional-learning-activities-kids-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Building Your Child's Social Skills in 7 Steps](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/building-your-childs-social-skills-in-7-steps/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “Lagging maturity, fewer social models, and weak executive functions mean that children with ADHD may struggle socially. The good news is that, like any other skill, social-emotional skills can be taught and improved.” Have you watched your child with ADHD interact with peers and wondered why they can’t drop the joke after it stopped making their friends laugh? Become too silly for too long, take over the game, and tell friends what to do and when to do it? Get into others’ space, talk at or poke friends over and over, or insist he is correct, regardless of whether it is true? #### What Causes Poor Social Skills in Children with ADHD? Some parents fear that if they don’t supervise, cajole, suggest alternatives, and remind their child not to say or do things, they will be destined to a life without friends. Making and keeping friends is tough for some children with ADHD. While your child has strengths, it is the weak executive functions — the management system of the brain — that affect their social skills. These brain-based processes determine how they behave in social situations. Lagging maturity, fewer social models, and weak executive functions lead many children with ADHD to struggle socially. This is particularly true for children who missed out on critical windows for social-emotional development during periods of social distancing, with few or no play dates. Here’s how parents can provide children with extra support to build emotional skills. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-improve-social-skills-adhd-children/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Birthday Parties, the Cafeteria, and Other Social Obstacles](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/birthday-parties-the-cafeteria-and-other-social-obstacles/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You don’t need to helicopter to help your middle-schooler make friends. In fact, too much interference can do more harm than good. Follow these strategies to boost your tween’s confidence. You learned that your middle-schooler is skipping lunch to avoid the cafeteria. Should you address it head-on, giving her advice that she probably won’t listen to, or demand that she go to lunch? It is hard to know. Social struggles are not restricted to school. Children have the same deficits at home, at stores, on the ball field, and in every life setting. Many kids want to improve their friendship skills, but don’t know how. That’s where you come in. Working with your child to meet social challenges leads to behaviors that your child can use everywhere. The following strategies will help your child make friends – and move through the socially difficult years of adolescence more easily. #### How do I help my son stop avoiding the school cafeteria? Children avoid the cafeteria because they are bullied, but also because they don’t know how to interact with peers, join a conversation, or even where to sit. ##### Debrief your child. Without telling your child he is doing anything wrong, ask open-ended questions to find out what he thinks is happening. Ask about whom he sits with, when he feels uncomfortable, or if there are friends he would like to sit with. ##### Practice skills. Nothing is tougher for kids than joining a conversation that is in progress. Suggest a little detective work. Ask your child to go to lunch, listen to what everyone talks about, and report back. You and he can role-play conversations that build on the topics the group talks about most often. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/help-child-make-friends-in-middle-school/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Bad Texter? Worse Caller? 6 Ways to Rekindle Cold Friendships](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/bad-texter-worse-caller-6-ways-to-rekindle-cold-friendships/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “You may think that your friend wants nothing to do with you. But what if I told you that your friend would probably be thrilled to hear from you, even if it’s been a while?” Bad texter? Even worse at making phone calls? Notoriously bad at keeping in touch with friends? Do you sometimes drown in shame over how long it’s been since you last reached out to a friend? Do you cringe as you remember your last conversation with your friend, eons ago, when the ball was in your court to respond? “There goes another friendship” you think to yourself. The thought of reaching out now, after all this time, makes you want to run and hide. Life happens. We all juggle so much all the time, and ADHD executive dysfunction subjects others, even those who are important to us, to the dreaded realm of “out of sight, out of mind.” When it happens, you catastrophize. “I’m so bad at keeping in touch,” you think. “No wonder I have no friends.” You may think that your friend wants nothing to do with you. But what if I told you that your friend would probably be thrilled to hear from you, even if it’s been a while? It doesn’t have to be a half-hour phone call or a video chat. A text or a quick DM via social media works just fine. You may feel uncomfortable when you reach out, but I promise that you’ll feel much better after taking this small but important step. Your friend’s reaction, I hope, will pleasantly surprise you. (Just think about how thrilled you’d feel if an old friend reached out to you.) Then, use these tips to check in more consistently with friends. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/bad-texter-how-to-keep-in-touch-with-friends-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [A Conversation Guide for the Socially Anxious and Unsure](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/a-conversation-guide-for-the-socially-anxious-and-unsure/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** A seven-step guide to managing social anxiety at parties and other events you want to attend — and enjoy. #### How to Manage Social Anxiety at Events You’ve been invited to a party where you will know practically no one. Now what? You want to go — and will go — but you don’t want social anxiety to taint the experience. We’ll cut to the chase: Use this quick guide to ease your nerves before and during the event so you can actually enjoy yourself in social settings. #### 1. Prepare What actions can you take to make the event go more smoothly? - Depart before rush hour to avoid additional stress. - Bring earplugs and/or sunglasses to manage sensory sensitivities. - Have an exit plan if it gets too crowded. - Plan to sit next to a familiar face. - Recharge before the event; have a snack, hydrate, and take a nap if needed. #### 2. Center Yourself Just before you enter the event, take a few minutes to gather yourself. Do a mindfulness activity, say an affirming phrase — anything you need to set the stage for pleasant, calm interactions. Choose to see the event as a learning opportunity and a chance to further chip away at social anxiety. Use the following phrases to inspire positive self-talk and manage rejection sensitive dysphoria throughout: - “Even if I am anxious now, it will pass.” - “This is new, but I’m giving it a try.” - “I am not expecting perfection; I’m in learning mode.” - “This is an opportunity to possibly make new friends.” - “I am open to what may and may not happen in this event.” - “I am doing my best.” - “Think about how proud you’ll be for showing up.” [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/how-to-deal-with-social-anxiety-parties-events-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [4 ADHD Mindset Shifts to Unlock Enduring Friendships](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/4-adhd-mindset-shifts-to-unlock-enduring-friendships/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Friendships grow more precious as we age. They may also become more and more rare due to common ADHD mindset traps — from a scarcity mindset to all-or-nothing thinking — that sabotage connection. You’re empathetic, charming, sincere, thoughtful, and fun — in other words, amazing friendship material. But painful memories of ADHD-related social challenges — of being bullied, misunderstanding social cues, unintentionally interrupting others, and feeling rejected — affect how you show up in your friendships in ways you may not fully realize. Free yourself from these common ADHD mindset traps to invite genuine connection and long-lasting friendships. Mindset Trap #1: “I’m lucky if anyone wants to be my friend.” Do you approach friendships with a **scarcity mindset**? Do you think that you are too much or not enough — that you should just accept anyone who **happens to show you attention**? A scarcity mindset may provoke thoughts and beliefs like: - “I don’t have any close connections because people just get bored or annoyed with me.” - “I’m too intense, and people can’t handle me.” - “I have to hide parts of myself, or they’ll reject me.” - “I’m not organized or put-together enough to be someone people want to befriend.” - “They’ll eventually see my flaws and drop me.” A scarcity mindset may cause you to rush and overlook red flags of a toxic friend. #### Reframed: “What do I want out of friendship?” No matter your social challenges, you are a major stakeholder in your friendships. It’s not just about what the other person wants. See yourself as an equal in the partnership, whether it’s budding or longstanding. - **You have the right to proceed with caution.** There’s no rule that says all connections have to result in friendship. - **Prioritize your values.** Does this person complement who you are and demonstrate the qualities you value in others? Are they even enjoyable to be around? - **Pay attention to your self-talk.** What’s the story you’re telling yourself about who you are? Past mistakes do not define you. Go forward knowing that your greater ADHD awareness and access to helpful tools and strategies today will make you a better friend tomorrow. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/why-cant-i-make-friends-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [11 Strategies That Improve Emotional Control at School and Home](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/11-strategies-that-improve-emotional-control-at-school-and-home/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Executive function and emotional control walk in lockstep. Stress and emotional flooding affect how children with ADHD learn, play, engage with classmates, follow directions, and retain information. When they enter a heightened state of arousal, their ADHD brain wiring can interfere with social-emotional learning and sabotage self-regulation, making it difficult to access the curriculum, respond appropriately, reframe challenges, react with strategies, or problem solve. #### How Educators Can Promote Emotional Control in Students with ADHD 1. **Create a “pattern interrupt” by engaging in an exercise** shown to reduce cortisol and adrenaline levels, increase dopamine levels, and release endorphins to induce a calmer state of mind. Shift a classroom’s internal chemistry by doing jumping jacks, jumping like a frog, walking like a bear on your hands and knees, stomping like an elephant, stretching to touch the sky, walking up and down the stairs, or touching toes. 2. **Model emotional coping strategies** by leading and posting regulation strategies in the classroom. Create a Zen corner and engage in mindful meditation practices to demonstrate their daily utility. Give each student a code word to alert you when they are struggling. 3. **Reflect on and talk about book characters’ emotions** to build a culture of empathy. Connect a character’s emotional state, reactions, and decision making to students’ inner emotional worlds. Build lifelong relationship-management skills by teaching students to reflect on their emotional state, recognize and share feelings, and step into others’ shoes. 4. **Each morning, ask students to take a deep breath**, then gauge and name their emotional state or point to an emoji chart. Offer calming strategies to begin the day. This five-minute exercise will pay dividends as children free up mental and emotional energy for the day’s curriculum. [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/emotional-control-school-home-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Adjust Your Inner Voice for Greater Resilience](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adjust-your-inner-voice-for-greater-resilience/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We all have an inner narrator. You know—the voice in your head, your version of Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder, your conscience, or even your inner wise warrior who helps you navigate life. The challenge for so many of us is that our inner voice is more like a perfectionistic drill sergeant than a voice of reason, compassion, or love. My inner voice can be downright mean sometimes. What about yours? As a person with ADHD, this voice often tells me, *If I unmask, people won’t like me*. Or it says things like, *I need to talk more/talk less* and *People are just being nice to me, but they don’t really want to hang out with me.* Your inner voice is shaped by your past experiences. If you were raised by people and in communities that celebrated you, gave you positive feedback for being just who you are and loved you unconditionally, your inner voice may be an angel. But if you had a harder upbringing or childhood, chances are that as an adult your inner voice is quite harsh and critical. Especially in vulnerable moments or times when you’re feeling insecure, on the spot, or unworthy. Thankfully, your inner voice isn’t set in stone. It is possible to retrain your inner voice to become an inner friend. And when this transition happens, you begin to develop a greater sense of resilience in the face of adversity, because instead of beating yourself up you encourage yourself more lovingly to try again, practice harder, or even let it go. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-monthly-adjust-your-inner-voice-for-greater-resilience/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Always Have an Exit Plan](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/always-have-an-exit-plan/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Big social events or group gatherings can be intimidating, no matter your age. As an adult with ADHD, the impulse, or urge, to avoid uncomfortable gatherings can be high. But some of these events in your life are important! A friend’s wedding, a loved one’s graduation, or even a company dinner with your partner’s coworkers can be difficult to miss. Learning how to navigate social settings, when the urge to leave early or skip the whole thing entirely is strong, is a skill that can help you throughout your life. Because there is a cost associated with missing important events. And while being social isn’t the same for everyone, most people want to find a way to tolerate events they don’t want to miss. That said, social anxiety and general discomfort with being around people (even people you like) can be hard on you. Having your own way to navigate these events is kind of like having your own accommodations. Instead of someone else supporting you, however, you get to support you. Instead of making an abrupt departure when a social event becomes intolerable for you, why not have a few pre-planned exit strategies? Like having a wingman when you’re stuck on a bad date, a thoughtful exit plan can make the difference between a social faux pas and a graceful exit, even when your insides are telling you to bolt. Here are five exit strategies that work for events so you have a plan before you reach your limit. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-always-have-an-exit-plan/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Are You a People Pleaser?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/are-you-a-people-pleaser/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Does loneliness cause adults and teenagers with ADHD to people please? Sadly, often the answer is yes. For many of us with ADHD, years of rejection, friendship struggles and generally feeling lonely or misunderstood often affects how we approach making new friends. We worry about things like: Should I say no to the one person who is willing to hang out with me? Should I reject someone whose joke or values don’t match my own when they’re one of the few people inviting me to hang out with them? Should I try harder to make people like me, so I actually feel like I have friends? All these questions and internal dilemmas are very real for many people with ADHD, and often cause them to fall into the hidden trap of people pleasing. So, what exactly is people pleasing? Psychologists define people-pleasing behaviors as “seeking the approval of other people” and “putting the needs of others before your own.” In certain circumstances, this may seem like normal, adaptable behavior, but when it goes to an extreme or it happens at the expense of your own well-being, people pleasing crosses into a territory that’s not great for your mental health. This is especially true when it comes to friendship, because friends are meant to bring something truly special into your life. Healthy friendships are reciprocal and balanced, so the needs of both people are met. In practical terms, friends do things they both like—or they take turns picking activities, topics to talk about, or ways to spend time so everyone’s needs are met. But when a friendship is not a two-way street, or you feel like you have to hide your needs, your feelings, or you simply can’t be yourself, something is wrong. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-are-you-a-people-pleaser/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Awkward in Social Situations?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/awkward-in-social-situations/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** What does “feeling awkward” in social situations mean to you? It may mean that you avoid direct eye contact, hesitate to initiate a conversation, feel uncomfortable in your own skin, or question every move you make. Do you find that your anxiety is palpable as you latch onto one friend and wish for the social event to be over? Socializing well may come naturally to some, but it sure doesn’t come easily to others. And if you’re like many adults with ADHD, you may find social situations a challenge. Do you wonder whether you are introverted, socially awkward, or socially anxious? Being introverted is not the same as being socially awkward. Introverts may relish their alone time and may be seen as alert and observant. Social awkwardness is similar to social anxiety in that they both indicate social situations induce anxiousness or stress. A socially awkward person may feel shame and isolated. They tend to be invited less often than their socially confident counterparts, so their self-confidence may start to spiral downward, too. The longer this struggle goes on, research tells us, the harder it is to move past this struggle. The good news is that social skills, just like any other life skill, can be practiced and improved at any age. The less-good news is that if awkwardness is not successfully addressed, it does not improve on its own. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/awkward-in-social-situations/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Becoming Comfortable in Your Own Skin](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/becoming-comfortable-in-your-own-skin/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Do you remember tripping in front of the cool kids at school? Feeling wickedly embarrassed after stumbling through your lines? Feeling your skin tingle as the spotlight of attention fell on you at exactly the wrong moment? I know I do. For many adults with ADHD, the sense of being socially awkward has been a part of their daily experience since, well, forever. That’s my story, too. When you’re the socially awkward kid, it stays with you for a very long time. For us as adults, most upcoming social events, whether you’re truly in the spotlight or not, are met with resistance and dread. The voice in your head about everything that could go wrong, mixed with your lack of self-confidence, makes anticipating what’s to come feel like watching a train wreck in slow motion. But here’s what I want to tell you. If you’re like me and have the life experiences to back up being the awkward kid, you’re never really going to feel comfortable. Not instantaneously for sure. Why? Because feeling confident and comfortable in your own skin means feeling confident about what’s to come. And that is easier said than done. Part of the truth here is that being neurodivergent can mean that you’re never really at ease with yourself. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying to get there. Finding your way through the maze of self-confidence is how you shift your life to one that’s less stressful and easier on your mind and heart. Today I use various practices to reduce the pressure to “get it right” and instead focus on being my best self, flaws and all. Here are five ways to go from feeling social awkward to more comfortable in your own skin. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-becoming-comfortable-in-your-own-skin/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Bring Back the Third Place](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/bring-back-the-third-place/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** #### The answer to loneliness might be to bring back the third place. Loneliness is a longing for something you do not have or that you miss and wish you had again. And unfortunately for many of us with ADHD, feeling lonely and wanting a friend or group of friends is common. As much as we know that social connection is good for our health and wellbeing, finding friends and keeping them in our lives isn’t always easy. I have spent a good part of my career looking for solutions to this challenge. The key, to me, is that the solutions need to be aligned with our neurology, be less taxing on our executive function skills, and help us to find friends and much-needed circles of support in a simple, easy way. An often overlooked solution to the challenges of loneliness is to bring back the third place. Historically in American life we have home, work, and then a “third place” where we gather and hang out. It could be a coffee shop, park, library, bar, bowling alley, sports club, bookstore, community or senior center, or a house of worship. Third places are really spaces in-between work and home where you can connect with another, often more social, part of yourself. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-monthly-bring-back-the-third-place/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Coaching your child on social cues](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coaching-your-child-on-social-cues/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** **Question:** My daughter has ADHD and feels left out at school. She has trouble picking up on social cues, and I can see the toll it takes on her self-esteem. How can I support her so she can improve her social skills and build stronger friendships? —parent of a third-grade student **ADHD Information Specialist:** I’m sure it is heartbreaking to watch your child feel left out because she struggles to pick up on social cues. You might see her avoid eye contact, hang back instead of joining in with other children, or be left out of peer groups. She may miss a signal when it’s her turn to speak or say something out of line without realizing it. Over time, these moments can make her feel isolated and damage her self-esteem. The good news is that she can learn to strengthen her social skills with practice, patience, and the right support. “So many of the children I see in counseling have the same problem—feeling left out and lonely,” say Cathi Cohen, LCSW, a certified group psychotherapist. “Feeling alone and disconnected from peers is a distressing thing for a child to experience. And it’s not only the children who suffer. As parents, you also feel frustrated and hopeless at not knowing how to help your children make the friends they so strongly desire. Children affected by ADHD in particular have unique social challenges that frequently get in the way of acquiring good social skills.” **At home coaching** Social skills work like any other skill and kids can improve them at any age, says Caroline Maguire, MEd, PCC, an ADHD coach who specializes in social skills and writes a regular column for CHADD’s Attention magazine. Maguire recommends using reflective listening, open inquiry, and praise during daily conversations with your child. Roleplaying common situations, like joining a group game, starting a conversation, handling a disagreement, or advocating for herself, can help strengthen these skills. Practicing in low‑pressure settings, maybe the living room in your home, can help your child feel more confident before trying new skills in real‑life settings. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-caregivers/adhd-weekly-coach-your-child-on-social-cues/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Coaching Your Child to Play Better](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coaching-your-chuld-to-play-better/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** #### Effective coaching is a way of being with and communicating with your child. HE CORE PRINCIPLES of effective parent coaching for social skills are based on proven strategies and techniques that support positive behavioral change. You don’t have to be some superparent with all the answers. You don’t have to fix your child or fix everybody else to accommodate your child. Set aside every discouraging assumption you’ve ever had about your child and remind yourself: If they could, they would. If they had the executive function skills to connect with others and make friends, then they would. The way your child’s brain is wired makes it harder for her to connect socially with other children. Your coaching and the Play Better playbook is about to change that. Effective coaching is more than an attitude or a superficial style. It is a way of being and communicating with your child—a positive predictability and problem-solving approach in the way you listen and respond to your child. Positive predictability means that you reliably respond in ways that encourage, illuminate, engage, and empower your child, cultivating his innate capacity to change and grow. “How would you like things to be different?” “How would you rather be in that situation?” “What would you like friendship to look like?” You want to give your child the roadmap for change by asking where she wants to go, rather than simply telling her to change or even telling her what she needs to do to change. A problem-solving approach means leading your child through the process to help her develop problem-solving skills—not trying to solve the problem for her. Your child needs direct experience in the step-by-step brain-based processes that develop social awareness, self-awareness, self-regulation, and positive social behaviors. Your coaching, using the following simple techniques and the Play Better lessons, coaching tools, and skill-building activities, creates those learning experiences for your child. [***Read the full article on CHADD***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-caregivers/coach-your-child-to-play-better/)[***.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-caregivers/coach-your-child-to-play-better/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Coping with Sensory Overload](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coping-with-sensory-overload/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** When we are flooded with sensory information, lights feel brighter, sounds are louder, and crowds seem to close in on us. Sensory bombardment and overwhelm can make situations draining and anxiety-provoking. To reduce the effects of overstimulation, we may try to cope by going quiet or avoiding eye contact. For many adults and children with ADHD, sensory overload can affect the impression we make, how we are perceived, and our relationships. A quick exit from a party, avoidance of social situations, or the sharp tone we employ in the moment may make some people think we are rude, distant, or upset with them. First, we must understand how sensory information affects the ADHD brain. When you experience sensory overload, do your friends and family think it is a rejection? Often our loved ones, partners, and friends do not understand why we adults and children with ADHD avoid certain situations, grow quiet, or flee the scene. Their rebuke or confusion adds to the feelings of shame and guilt, their misinterpretations add to the overwhelm. You may even wonder, why not just stay home? Well, rather than opting out of all connection, you can employ strategies to cope with sensory overload. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/coping-with-sensory-overload/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Holiday Conversations: Ten Tips to Manage Your Emotions and Communicate Better](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/holiday-conversations-ten-tips-to-manage-your-emotions-and-communicate-better/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As we approach the holiday season, everyone has a list of expectations about how it will go. - “Last year was a disaster when Uncle Gil went on and on about the government.” - “We’d better ask Aunt Fran not to share too much about her work. Everyone was embarrassed about how much she overshared.” - “Make sure to not ask Alicia to bring a side dish, she got into arguments with everyone about making it gluten free/sugar free/vegan.” Add in a dose of an election year, a war in Ukraine, another one in the Middle East, and there are landmines galore to deal with. Not to mention the fact that some family members do not believe in or understand ADHD. With many adults finding out that ADHD is the reason behind their many lifelong struggles, difficulties with relatives might arise over this new information. And, of course, children with ADHD might need their own supportive environment as they navigate sitting at a table during long conversations, the excitement of seeing people after a long absence, and the anticipation of opening highly exciting gifts. While it would be ideal for family to get educated and be supportive of one another, often this is not the case. And while families may want to come together with the best of intentions, many still manage to fall into arguments and disagreements. Some of these arguments really stem from a spark being ignited that reminds people of what happened last year—or even years ago. When past events are still fresh and unresolved, the mere idea of getting together can spark anxiety and fear that this year will be “more of the same.” Such feelings make it hard for families who deeply love each other to see a path towards a peaceful or stress-free holiday. If that is your goal, I have ten tips to help you set up your holiday with some well-deserved insulation so you’re less likely to walk into a landmine. And, if you do, you’ll have a clear plan to get out of it as unscathed as possible. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-monthly-holiday-conversations-ten-tips-to-manage-your-emotions-and-communicate-better/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [How to Recover After a Social Faux Pas](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-recover-after-a-social-faux-pas/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Social faux pas happen when you have ADHD. You may miss social cues about how someone feels or read their face incorrectly and miss their intention when they speak. That momentary misstep may leave you feeling like you have fallen off the edge of the earth, causing you to shut down, apologize too much, or relive the mistake for days. For most people, reading body language and facial expressions are skills they practice. No one is perfect, and no one reads everyone’s facial expressions right every time. An ADHD brain, however, can cause other behaviors that lead a person to miss the clues that indicate how to best proceed in a given situation. It’s hard to say what causes people with complex internal environments to miss clues about what another person is feeling. And really, it doesn’t matter why it happened. When you realize you made a misstep, you want to know what to do next. You can analyze “why” it happened later. Here are five steps to help you recover after you make a social blunder. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-how-to-recover-after-a-social-faux-pas/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [How to Say the Right Thing at the Right Time](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-say-the-right-thing-at-the-right-time/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Often people with ADHD have a history of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Maybe we make a cringe-worthy comment we wish we could immediately take back. Other times we don’t know what to say and we just fumble along. Or we monologue and stumble into inappropriate comments. This history makes us afraid to make a social faux pas, causing us to be jittery in social interactions—and, unfortunately, prone to repeat all of this again. If our mindset is that we must share and add to a conversation, we may not have time to think and filter appropriately. Here’s how to tame that desire to blurt out comments and speak too much. 1. **Get to know your past patterns.** With a little self-evaluation, ask yourself why you often say the wrong thing. When does this happen most frequently? Consider the following. Do you hate silence? Are you too vehement about certain topics? Does lack of food or sleep play a role? Do you have triggers or social anxiety that tend to trigger the situation? 2. **Practice mindfulness.** Whether speaking to new or old friends, people with ADHD often struggle with being present, calm, and mindful. Listening, paying attention, reflecting, and responding to what the other person is saying can help you be more aware and avoid pitfalls such as blurting out. Social faux pas most frequently occur when we are dysregulated. Practice, every day for a week, trying to center yourself while engaging in conversations. Concentrate on being present. Listen intently, then reflect and respond thoughtfully. Engage in small daily, mindful exercises that help you remain centered and connected. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/how-to-say-the-right-thing-at-the-right-time/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [How to Shift Black-and-White Thinking](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-shift-black-and-white-thinking/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “They let me down, so I am just done with them,” a client tells me about a situation. As I listen to their story, what’s missing from this one statement is that the situation being described is complicated. What’s not being related about the situation are the layers of miscommunication and different perspectives and gray areas that are absolutely not one way or the other. Like most events in our lives, the situation was nuanced and certainly not something to terminate a friendship over without a conversation. So, why was this situation so crystal clear and simple to my client, and yet not as clear to me? The answer lies in what’s called all-or-nothing or black-and-white or dichotomous thinking. This kind of “one-way street” is very common for people with ADHD and other neurodivergent brains. You may have seen it in your own thinking or in your loved one’s thinking before. Thinking in this way can be painful and even harmful for children or adults with ADHD, because it closes doors or ends relationships—often before it’s the right time. When someone takes time to explore all the possible reasons for someone’s behavior, it quickly becomes clear that there’s often more going on. And that “friend or foe” may just be having a bad day, or a tough moment, and not something so egregious that it’s worth ending a friendship over. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/attention-monthly-how-to-shift-black-and-white-thinking/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [I Can't Stop Thinking About It](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/i-cant-stop-thinking-about-it/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Many people with ADHD express frustration with the frequency and depth of negative and intrusive thoughts. These thoughts can be painful, and they may grow and grow until they affect daily life. Dwelling on such thoughts increases anxiety, depression, and restlessness—often causing you to make poor choices, incorrectly read the room, misinterpret social cues, and become oblivious to your surroundings. Anxiety makes you more internally focused, which can lead to rejection sensitivity. How can you manage those intense, negative thoughts? #### Prevent rumination with five daily strategies 1. **Ask yourself, “Am I ruminating?”** The gear shift of the brain, the cingulate gyrus, may be stuck. This gear shift helps you shift from thought to thought, transition between activities, or move away from being stuck. Some people are prone to have an overactive cingulate gyrus and therefore tend toward rumination. When you ruminate, do you notice you continue in this loop and nothing seems to break it? Ask yourself, “Am I ruminating?” “Am I stuck?” Engage in a body scan and check in with yourself. Take your own emotional temperature to see what you are feeling in your body and mind. 2. **Re-evaluate your inner story.** Could it be that you didn’t fully understand the comment, intention, or act about which you are ruminating? Double-check your reasoning by asking yourself these questions: “What is the story you are telling yourself? What evidence is there that this story is true? What else could it be?” Now, create a neutral thought to replace your negative thought. Instead of thinking, “They did not return my text because I was too outspoken at that meeting,” consider that “They might be busy, it is a hectic time of year,” or “I have no evidence that Jane was offended by how I behaved at the meeting.” [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/i-cant-stop-thinking-about-it/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [I Don’t Speak to You That Way. Please Show Me Some Respect!](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/i-dont-speak-to-you-that-way-please-show-me-some-respect/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** A snarky, criticizing tone is one of the hardest things to tolerate. When it comes from a child, it is easy to see how parents can find it disconcerting. Children and teenagers with ADHD often can’t read the social nuances of body language, facial expressions, mood, or tone of voice. This challenge often results in off-putting comments or tones that can create unhealthy dynamics. Healthy communication patterns in families can fall apart as exhaustion, COVID fatigue, and the stressors of life invade the sanctuary we call home. Bad habits of speaking sharply, insensitively, or curtly with our partners and children can spiral if not realized, addressed, and corrected quickly. As we head into a new year, now is the time to reflect on what you want to model. Move from condescension, derision, and annoyance to cheerfulness and empathy with these five tips. 1. **Work on your own tone and promote more respectful banter in general as a family.** We all have times when our tone does not reflect our intentions. Chances are you have used that tone of voice. Model using a different tone, one that communicates respect. Start by asking the whole family, including yourself, to pay more attention to the words they use and the way you all speak to each other. This way the child who struggles the most with their tone is not singled out, and the whole family tries to be more considerate. Consider a reminder or code word that family members can use when the tone is used. Eventually, you will catch it before you will need to be told. Be sure to share with your children what this respectful tone “looks like,” and admit it when you struggle. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/attention-article/i-dont-speak-to-you-that-way-please-show-me-some-respect/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Making Friends Requires Confidence ... and that is tough for people with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/making-friends-requires-confidence-and-that-is-tough-for-people-with-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Social confidence does not always come easily to people with ADHD. Making new friends, reaching out to people, and trying new things requires some level of confidence. Making jokes, chatting with people, or joining a new activity all depend on feeling confident enough to try. If you’re telling a joke, you have to start with the belief that the joke will land. You have to believe on some level that you are funny. And you have to believe that engaging with others will be beneficial and reciprocal. A confident mindset is feeling comfortable in your own skin. It’s feeling that you are wanted, that you belong, and it’s feeling good about who you are and believing in your own abilities. Feeling confident can feel like a heavy lift for many people, however. Adding ADHD to the mix can make it even more challenging because of all your memories and experiences of things “not going well.” If this is your story, chances are you are missing the most important ingredients for confidence—belief in yourself and belief that everything can work out. Your sense of self-acceptance and belief in yourself has likely been diluted by the times when you didn’t feel accepted or you lacked belief in yourself. This can happen in an instant. One look, comment, or misplaced remark can knock you off your game and push you right back into your cocoon where it’s easier to avoid things than face them. This is especially true when you’re not sure what to do to make things better. Confidence is not actually about your abilities, it’s about your belief in your abilities. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/attention-article/making-friends-requires-confidence-and-that-is-tough-for-people-with-adhd/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Managing the Story in Your Mind](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/managing-the-story-in-your-mind/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As a sensitive person, it’s easy at times for your mind to get the best of you. You can easily fall into the trap of worrying that someone is rejecting you, avoiding you, or something worse if you have a history of social and relationship challenges. You may also tend to make assumptions about other people based on the stories living in your head. Unfortunately, when the stories you tell yourself are half-truths or conjectures, they can negatively influence how you interact with people, making it even harder to feel confident in your relationships. The good news is that you can learn to have the ability to manage the messages in your mind. The even better news is that you can do this without anyone else knowing about it. How will this ability benefit you? You’ll feel more confident in social interactions, including making new friends, connecting at a deeper level, and avoiding the excessive worry that happens when you are concerned that someone misread, ignored, or misunderstood you or your intent. Silencing your tough inner critic is a very important part of being emotionally healthy and a skill that you’re never too old to practice and eventually master. Here are five ways to double-check the story in your head before you decide it’s the gospel truth. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/attention-article/manage-the-story-in-your-mind/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Small Talk is Painful](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/small-talk-is-painful/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Making small talk is a critical life skill and the foundation for all friendships. A conversation can increase your level of intimacy with someone. Small talk allows you to see if you have mutual interests and to get a sense of who they are and what they like. It can introduce you to a new person and help someone get to know you. It sets people at ease, can help pass the time, and creates a segue in meetings to the main event. Chit-chat between classes, in hallways, at sports venues, after meetings, and in small groups provides a chance to make a connection, to get to know someone, and to gain the information you need to nurture a friendship. Small talk can be the Achilles heel for people with ADHD, however. Some find small talk boring, while others find it mystifying or even terrifying. People with ADHD may struggle with recognizing how to start a conversation. Or they may dive right into sharing personal information after a quick chat about the weather. Anyone with ADHD can learn the skill of making chit-chat. Here are some tips that can help. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-news-adults/small-talk-is-painful/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [When Someone Shows You Who They Are](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-someone-shows-you-who-they-are/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** What makes someone worthy? How do you know if a potential friend is treating you well? What does treating you well look like? People with ADHD often ask these questions, sometimes after looking back on a friendship that went south. The truth is, many people with ADHD are not treated well by friends or acquaintances. After unwinding a failed relationship, it’s common to look back on what went wrong. It’s also common to wonder, How did I miss the signs? This naturally leads to questions about how to know in the future if someone is “worth” investing in as a potential friend. All this reflection is incredibly normal. We all want to see the red flags before we’re too invested, and that’s where the tricky part lies. As a person with ADHD, I often rush into friendships. The cycle usually goes like this: I meet a new acquaintance and instantly feel we have something in common. Then, we jump in with both feet. I instantly give trust away without screening to see if the person is actually trustworthy. I’m usually so excited that it doesn’t occur to me to pause and ask if I really even like the person. It has taken me years to learn to slow down to explore things like: How does this person treat me? Do I enjoy the friendship? Are there any potential red flags? Is this friendship worth pursuing? Friendships have often been hard for those of us with ADHD. This is as true at age seven as it is at age thirty-seven. As we get older, the list of lost friends, broken friends and soured relationships grows. We have experienced rejection, false starts, cold shoulders, and ghosting. All of these memories are hard to just “overcome” and try again. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/attention-article/when-someone-shows-you-who-they-are/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [The Challenge of Keeping Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-challenge-of-keeping-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** #### It’s Not Always Your Fault When It Ends Most people who identify as having ADHD have a long, and often complicated, history with friends. We often have an equally long history of feeling misunderstood in social situations because we were “too much” for some people, leaving us feeling that we caused conflict, worried that we misread social signals, and more. Such circumstances may cause us to jump to the conclusion that whatever the negative outcome, “it must have been my fault.” Somehow, it was me. This leads to a lifetime of experiences where we reinforce by our own beliefs that the negativity around us was, in fact, because of us. Leading further to a cycle of shame, low self-confidence, and sometimes social anxiety. Yes, it is true that people with ADHD sometimes struggle with friendship, but doesn’t the entire population? Perhaps not always in the same ways, but even with our challenges, it’s important to acknowledge that we deserve to be treated well and not merely cast aside to have complicated, dismal relationships. People with ADHD have much to offer their friends. There is joy and laughter to be found in how spontaneous we can be. There is fun to be had by not living by the rules all the time. There is levity found in not being so rigorously tied to social norms. In life, there is a balance between trying to be a better friend and accepting something limiting about ourselves. No one should be treated poorly simply because of a difference in learning style and brain function. People with ADHD deserve love, compassion, affection, and enjoyment in their friendships just like everyone else. So, if you’re curious whether you’re someone who has a deeply held belief that it must be your fault because a friendship or relationship didn’t work out, I have five ways for you to check this assumption for how factual it is. Because the goal is to work with your ADHD, not let it paint you into a box or category. [***Read the full article on CHADD.***](https://chadd.org/attention-article/the-challenge-of-keeping-friends/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [ADHD, Executive Function, and The Art of Getting Kids to Listen](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-executive-function-and-the-art-of-getting-kids-to-listen/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Sometimes it feels like your child just is not listening to you. Are they getting a reward for being stubborn or selfish? This is a very common thought, but more often, the behaviors come from a lack of listening skills, one of several executive function skills. Research shows it can be these brain-based skills that hold your child back—not willfulness or laziness. Caroline Maguire shares the concepts professional coaches use and suggests how parents can incorporate reflective listening, open questions, modeling, self-regulation, and other effective communication strategies. **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Your Parents Taught You These 8 Skills Growing Up, You're Probably Never Lonely As An Adult](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/your-parents-taught-you-these-8-skills-growing-up-youre-probably-never-lonely-as-an-adult/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Teaching great social skills requires a rare combination of kindness, skills, and direction. We all remember what it felt like to be a teenager. For some of us, that meant loneliness and isolation. We sulked around the house because there was no one to hang out with, confide in, share their secrets, or laugh with. If you were able to find your way through this phase, you probably had good guidance from the adults in your life. This experience is hardest on the kids, but it’s not easy on parents, either. Watching your teen stay on the outside of the social bubble or trailing behind other kids during social gatherings can be utterly heartbreaking. So what are the secrets of parents who helped their teens gain social skills so they’d rarely be lonely? #### Eight Social Skills Parents Taught So Their Kids Would Rarely Be Lonely As Adults ##### 1. You can’t expect others to jump in and “fix” every problem Parents who help their kids develop social skills avoid the temptation to jump in and “fix” things. This sends the message a parent questions the teen’s competency. Gently gaining trust is the best way to begin a conversation about a painful subject. In addition, teens who learn that they can solve problems on their own don’t reflexively bring every problem to others, which can create a lot of negativity in a friendship. ##### 2. Open communication Teens are notoriously difficult to converse with, and great parents do their best to understand their social landscape. No matter what, they empathize and try to stay calm. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/parents-taught-skills-probably-never-lonely-adult) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Why Some People Lose Their Cool When They're Angry — And How To Make It Stop](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-some-people-lose-their-cool-when-theyre-angry-and-how-to-make-it-stop/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** What’s the difference between people who lose their cool when they’re triggered and angry, and those who are able to feel their emotions and manage them? Emotional regulation. Some people seem to be naturally good at managing their emotions in a healthy way, while others may be more inclined to lash out — even when it means hurting someone they care about. They often yell at their partner or kids, type something they later wish they hadn’t sent, and tell off strangers for slights that likely would’ve been better ignored. If this is you, it probably feels like you have been emotionally hijacked. But it’s not a curse or a permanent trait. Most people, if triggered enough, act in an embarrassing way. It takes less than a second to commit an impulsive act that might have lifetime repercussions. That’s why it’s so important to cultivate an ability to regulate emotions, even if you (or someone you love) tend to have a hot temper. ##### What is emotional regulation? Emotional regular is, essentially, self-management. Self-management is defined as, “The ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors effectively in different situations.” It’s synonymous with self-regulation. Examples of self-regulation skills include managing stress and controlling impulses. It means being able to manage triggers without inappropriate, spontaneous reactions. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/why-people-lose-their-cool) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Why People With ADHD Shut Down When Making Friends, And How To Fix It](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-people-with-adhd-shut-down-when-making-friends-and-how-to-fix-it/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Advice from an ADHD specialist that works great for folks without ADHD, too. Almost everyone is exhausted by reading social cues, trying to pay attention to conversations, coping with sensory bombardment, and managing situations that tax your brain. When we want to make friends, there are often consequences to reaching out to new people. You might over-commit when you’re busy. You may say, “yes” to an event when you would rather stay home and veg on the couch. Or, the want for friends is so strong you agree to things you’re not interested in doing to please others. #### Here’s why people with ADHD shut down when making friends — and how to fix it. ##### 1. Not knowing what recharges their battery The key here is knowing what charges and what drains your social battery. Do you feel better after spending time alone with a treasured pet or in nature? Do you feel more energized after listening to a quick podcast, reading a book, or binge-watching your favorite show? Do you feel recharged after a few nights at home doing your “routine” or after spending some time exploring something new? If you can answer these questions, they will show you what works well to recharge your battery and what drains your energy. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/people-with-adhd-shut-down-making-friends) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Why People With ADHD Are So Prone To Black-And-White Thinking](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-people-with-adhd-are-so-prone-to-black-and-white-thinking/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Good or bad, wrong or right. Having no in-between sets challenges for social situations. Here are eight ways to shift it. “It was a total failure,” a client tells me about a situation. Now, listening to their story, what you wouldn’t get from this one statement is the situation is complex. It was full of many small wins, different perspectives, and not absolute. Like most events in our lives, it was nuanced and not the “total failure” my client felt it was. So why was this situation so clear and simple to my client and not to me? The answer lies in “all or nothing” or “black and white thinking”. This kind of one-way street is common for people with ADHD and other neurodivergent brains, and you may have seen it in your thinking or your loved ones’ thinking before. If this is you (or your child), please know that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Once you understand this tendency, you can find a way to work with it. ##### Black-and-white thinking is not the same as stubbornness Black and white thinkers often characterize things as good or bad, wrong or right, or express their point of view in absolutes like, “there is only one way to do/handle or act” in a situation. There is little gray or middle ground, and the fact most of life happens outside of the extremes is often lost on people with rigid thinking patterns. If you are living with a black-and-white thinker, you might experience your child as “inflexible” or see your partner as stubborn or “set in their ways”. These characteristics are signs of an all-or-nothing mindset, and they present a specific set of challenges when trying to help your child or partner navigate social situations, make friends, or find peace in a new situation. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/adhd-black-and-white-thinking) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Why Gifted People Have Social Emotional Challenges — 8 Strategies To Overcome Them](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-gifted-people-have-social-emotional-challenges-8-strategies-to-overcome-them/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It’s common for people with high achievement capability to experience social-emotional challenges. In fact, highly gifted and talented adults and kids may often struggle with perceptions of being different and feeling isolated, which translates into difficulties connecting with peers. Socialization comes easily to some children and adults. They know how to connect with their peers, make conversation, join a group, and read the room. Meanwhile, despite being gifted in some areas, others struggle to connect and make friends. Lagging social skills and the inability to read social cues are often the culprits. But, the good news is that social-emotional skills can be learned. As a gifted adult, you may be frustrated by how awkward you feel at times. As parents of a gifted child, you may be worried about your child’s happiness and future. Rest assured, however, that the more work and practice put into paying attention to social cues, you or your child can better employ your unique brain wiring to connect and thrive amongst everyone else. Here are 8 strategies to improve social skills when you have social-emotional challenges as someone who’s gifted. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/social-emotional-challenges-gifted-children-and-adults) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [When Parents Embrace Social Emotional Learning, Kids Feel The Joy Again](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-parents-embrace-social-emotional-learning-kids-feel-the-joy-again/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** What is social-emotional learning, and how does it help you bring the joy back in a child who’s lost it? If you’re a parent worrying about your child, you’re not alone. Kids today are navigating more pressure than ever: financially, medically, academically, and socially. Social-emotional concerns are at an all-time high, and parents are struggling and concerned. As a parent of two children, my heart breaks for these kids. “Where’s the fun?!” “How can this still be going on?” “Why can’t someone fix it?” We, parents, hear this from our children and feel helpless. Wouldn’t you gladly “fix” this if it were humanly possible? Fortunately, there are things you can do as a parent to create joy and help your child or teen stay socially and emotionally centered. #### Here are 5 small ways parents can bring back joy in kids who’ve lost it: ##### 1. Walk in their shoes Your child or teen needs you more than ever — even if she doesn’t show it. The world has become big and unrecognizable, and without the life experience you have, it can be scary. Social-emotional concerns are at an all-time high. You have no idea where we are headed either, but your steady presence can help keep your kids’ social-emotional boat from tipping. Take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. It really is a tough time. Whatever means you use — meditation, deep breathing, exercise, or even hiding in a bathroom — try to get your emotions in check. This balance will enable you to manage your own emotions and allow you to truly empathize with your child or teen. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/when-parents-embrace-social-emotional-learning-kids-feel-the-joy-again) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [What To Do When Your Teen Is Making Friends You Don't Approve Of](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/what-to-do-when-your-teen-is-making-friends-you-dont-approve-of/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Banning your teen’s friends won’t work — collaborate and discuss friendship qualities, instead. Your child’s teenage friendships can be complicated. Maybe they can’t seem to make friends — or, at least, friends you actually like or approve of. More than likely, you already know that banning your teenager from anything rarely works. When you push, they pull. And this goes for your teen’s friendships, too. So, what do you do when your teen can’t make friends or are making friends who are questionable? The answer is collaboration. #### When it comes to teenage friendship, peers are the biggest influencing factor. Your teen either can’t make friends or is changing their behavior and making poor choices in order to fit into a certain friend group. There are many types of friends, but no one can doubt that the friend who has your back is, by far, a greater asset than the one who’s, well, just questionable. What can be more troubling than watching from the sidelines as your teen engages with peers who don’t treat them well? Yes, this is a rhetorical question because this is on the top of the list of parental heartbreaks. Should you ban the friendship? There’s no doubt that you’d jump in front of a train to protect your kids, so why is subtle stuff more difficult? [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/when-you-dont-approve-your-childs-teenage-friendships) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [What To Do When Your Shy Kid Seems Even More Withdrawn Than Usual](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/what-to-do-when-your-shy-kid-seems-even-more-withdrawn-than-usual/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Does this scenario sound familiar to you? “My daughter seems to be sad and anxious. She’s missing the bus on purpose, claiming to be ill, and even asking to be homeschooled. I think she may be pulling away from friends. But when I ask her, she says she’s fine. What do I do?” Many parents may be hearing the same things from their children. And this is an unfortunate fallout from the last year. Not everyone is excited to return to “normal.” Shy kids, especially, may have sunk further into their own bubbles. But this isn’t just a problem for the 2020/2021 year, though it may feel even worse now. These are timeless challenges families face, but they can be handled with love and compassion. Whether your child is having issues with their friends or something else, entirely, you need to establish trust as well as clear and effective communication. #### If your child is pulling away from friends, here are 5 steps to take to find out what’s really going on. ##### 1. Stay in the conversation. It’s easy to be rebuffed by your child and then give up. By surrendering the conversation, you’re leaving your child without critical guidance. Start by finding a consistent time or a positive place to talk. Break up the routine. Spend time with your child one-on-one without siblings and give your child the space to hear that you care and that you’re worried. The time together will help your child feel comfortable opening up to you. ##### 2. Empathize with them. Information is power. Often as parents, it’s difficult not to react to what your child says. You’ve probably launched right into blame, punishment, advice, and, the, “I told you so.” No matter what your child says — they skipped school, avoided lunch, or broke the coffee table — let go of the desire to jump in and react. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/why-your-child-is-pulling-away-from-friends) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Things People With Effortless Social Grace Do In Everyday Conversation](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/things-people-with-effortless-social-grace-do-in-everyday-conversation/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Juggling the many aspects of having social grace can be hard. Sometimes, we talk and talk without really engaging with the other person. We talk at them rather than with them, and then we experience, shame, embarrassment, and rumination — replaying the interaction for days. What is a reciprocal conversation? When two or more parties engage in back-and-forth communication that develops into increasingly extended conversations, it’s called a reciprocal conversation and it tends to benefit both parties. This give-and-take manner, back and forth engagement enables a person to effortlessly make conversations feel natural without trying too hard — while navigating awkward moments smoothly. #### Here are 8 things people with effortless social grace do in everyday conversation: ##### 1. Kick it off Face the person you want to chat with and stand about an arm’s length away. Research shows that approaching someone, rather than passively waiting, demonstrates an initiatory and engaged approach. When combined with other elements of nonverbal communication like a warm smile, appropriate eye contact, and an open posture, it can create a positive first impression and convey social grace. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/things-people-effortless-social-grace-do-everyday-conversation) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [The Secrets Of People Who Are Incredible At Making New Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-secrets-of-people-who-are-incredible-at-making-new-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Do you consider yourself an observant person? How good are you at listening, taking note of your surroundings and tailoring your approach appropriately? Some of you will consider yourselves a great Reader of the Room, while most will think they have a thing or two to learn. According to recent research, only 10% of us have the attributes of self-awareness, which includes predicting how someone will react in a given situation, their perspective on a topic, reading their body language, and reacting to that information. ##### How mindful observation helps you make friends with anyone The more you watch people’s actions with intention, the better you can understand them. My coaching technique, “Social Spy” helps us build self-awareness, tune into details and figure out the norms in new social situations. I’m seeing many introverts engaging more socially now due to our current, virtual world. Yay! Zoom is great for shy people as it can be less intimidating than walking up to someone in person. Now is the perfect time to work on strategies to build your (or your child’s) social and emotional skills as we re-enter in-person interactions. ##### What is Social Spy? Social Spy is people watching with a mission. In this activity, we set out with the intention to observe people’s verbal and non-verbal body language in order to figure out their emotions, interests, perspective, mood, etc. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/secrets-of-people-who-make-friends-easily) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Smart Habits Of Parents Who Raise The Most Resilient Kids](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/smart-habits-of-parents-who-raise-the-most-resilient-kids/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Parents have a duty to raise their kids to become well-rounded, strong people. From a developmental perspective, parents should expect resistance to be in full force from their kids, whether they’re seven or 17. But a parent’s job is to help their kids find their strength when they are resistant and ready to give up. It gives them practice for a set of skills that build resilience, and that is a valuable asset for any person — child or adult. Kids will have different agendas from their parents, and this is to be expected. The more parents push, the more their kids resist. But what is important is implementing the smart habits of parents who raise the most resilient kids, and how they preserve their child’s dignity as well as their own in the face of disagreement. #### Here are 11 smart habits of parents who raise the most resilient kids ##### 1. They listen intently Kids may not want to initially broach the real reason for their resistance, but parents can ask open questions and listen for the answers. Let them lead the conversation. Yes, parents may already know about their struggles, but if they sit, look them in the eye, and let them express their feelings and how challenges are affecting their lives, they will open the door to partnering for solutions. As licensed marriage and family therapist David Schwartz explained, “Just listening to children talk may not seem like a big deal at first. However, the time you spend listening to them is time in which they feel valued. It’s like planting seeds for their future that can blossom into an inner strength and self-confidence. It is this belief in themselves that can help them develop the courage to pursue their own dreams in the not-too-distant future.” ##### 2. They’re empathetic When kids tell their parents they can’t do something, it means they’re opening up. Let them recognize that you can feel their pain by saying, “I know this is must be hard for you.” Even if you think their perspective is incorrect, don’t say, “You can do it!” It’s one of the incredibly smart habits of parents who raise the most resilient kids. If your child is opening up, let them know that you are listening and truly care about their feelings. Don’t shut them down or ignore them. Instead, show empathy and let them know you have their back, no matter what. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/smart-habits-parents-who-raise-most-resilient-kids) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Psychology Says If You Have A Fear Of Rejection, It Might Be A Sign Of A Bigger Issue](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/psychology-says-if-you-have-a-fear-of-rejection-it-might-be-a-sign-of-a-bigger-issue/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Plus, a plan for overcoming your fear so you don’t end up isolated and alone When you struggle with friendships, it’s easy to spiral into low self-esteem. Looking around, it can feel like everyone knows something you don’t. After a while, anxiety around socializing gets worse and you wonder why you are so sensitive to it. If this is familiar, it could be ADHD. It’s common for people with ADHD to feel emotions more intensely, have fewer friends and fewer invites, and experience greater rejection than their neurotypical peers. Sadly, many of these people may not realize they have ADHD, as studies have shown that many young adults don’t relate to traditional signs and symptoms of ADHD as much as they relate to issues like emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity. If you find yourself wanting to mingle and chat but you’re haunted by past mistakes, you should know that this feeling is common for people with ADHD. The best part? You don’t have to let it define you. ##### Why intense fear of rejection can signal ADHD Many people with ADHD struggle to pay attention to the person they are talking to, overwhelmed by negative thoughts and self-criticism. This can make them seem detached or awkward. In addition, people with ADHD can get caught up in verbally processing what others are saying and then begin blurting out too much information (TMI), inspiring feelings of awkwardness and anxiety. Soon enough, the negative experiences feel like they outweigh the positive ones and that triggers rejection sensitivity. ##### Negative social experiences accumulate in people’s memories Studies show that many people with ADHD struggle to pay attention to the person they are talking to, overwhelmed by negative thoughts and self-criticism. This can make them seem detached or awkward. In addition, people with ADHD can get caught up in verbally processing what others are saying and then begin blurting out too much information (TMI), inspiring feelings of awkwardness and anxiety. Soon enough, the negative experiences feel like they outweigh the positive ones and that triggers rejection sensitivity. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/health/fear-rejection-sign-bigger-issue) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Parents Who Do These 5 Things Raise Kids Who Feel Safe Coming To Them (Whether They Realize It Or Not)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/parents-who-do-these-5-things-raise-kids-who-feel-safe-coming-to-them-whether-they-realize-it-or-not/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As a parent, one of the most difficult situations you can experience is when your child expresses loneliness or even tells you, “I don’t have any friends.” Learning how to deal with loneliness can be a struggle for anyone, but when it’s your baby who says they’re feeling lonely and left out, it’s heartbreaking. You watch as your child trails behind other children at a party. You watch him always on the edge of the group, lurking near children but not fully included with them. You know your child has always struggled with friends, but now his social isolation seems worse. You come to realize that your child has no one to confide in, no one to share secrets with, and no one to laugh with. Your child comes home one day and tells you he has no one to sit with on the bus. And then your child says the words you have dreaded hearing, “ I have no friends.” He’s lonely — and you’re crushed. Every child feels left out from time to time, and every parent hears reports about teasing or a party your child isn’t invited to. As a parent, you know your child, and you have a gut instinct from the first moment you look at them that tells you when your child is in need. And when you watch and see that he is feeling lonely, and you feel the terrible longing to help him and fix this problem, just as you fixed scraped knees, torn stickers, and broken toys. As a parent, you want to help, but dealing with loneliness isn’t a lesson you wanted to ever have to teach them. #### Parents who do these five things raise kids who feel safe coming to them, whether they realize it or not: ##### 1. They take a realistic view of their child’s social skills There are several social skills everyone needs to succeed in life, to manage school, friends, projects, and eventually the workplace. For instance, all research shows that children need to learn to be able to adapt to any social situation, to scan the environment, and then to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of the situation. Consider assessing your child’s social skills, ask yourself, “Can my child make new friends? Could he join and collaborate with a group?” In order to start helping your child with his loneliness, you must first determine what social skills are holding your child back. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/parents-do-these-things-raise-kisd-feel-safe-coming-to-them) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Parents Who Do These 5 Little Things Raise Kids Who Actually Talk To Them About Their Problems](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/parents-who-do-these-5-little-things-raise-kids-who-actually-talk-to-them-about-their-problems/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As a parent, you can usually tell when your child is facing problems with friends at school, even if they haven’t said anything about it. But no matter how many parenting tips or advice books you’ve read about creating an open, secure relationship with your kid, it can feel impossible to get more than a one-word answer. As a parent, it’s natural to worry and wonder about your child’s life outside your household. And when you sense something is off, your parenting skills go into overdrive. You suddenly find yourself acting as a secret agent seeking information, but at the same time, trying to give your kid the space she needs to be independent. So if you aren’t looking to become the next great detective, there are things you can do to make your child feel more comfortable opening up to you. #### Parents who do these 5 little things raise kids who actually talk to them about their problems: ##### 1. Don’t surrender the conversation It’s easy to be rebuffed by your child and then give up. But by surrendering the conversation, you are leaving your child without critical guidance. Start by finding a consistent time or a positive place to talk about any social issues your kid is encountering. Break up the routine. Spend time with your child one-on-one without siblings, and give your child the space to hear that you care and that you’re worried. This time together will help your child feel comfortable opening up to you. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/parents-who-do-these-little-things-raise-kids-who-actually-talk-them-about-their) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Olympics Themed Social Emotional Learning Activities To Share With Your Kids](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/olympics-themed-social-emotional-learning-activities-to-share-with-your-kids/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Who isn’t mesmerized by the athleticism, leadership and character of the Olympic athletes? Young children picture themselves on these mats, fields and courts, so don’t miss the opportunity to use the Olympics to create social skills learning activities this summer. Join the millions and even billions of parents who are focusing on helping kids to re-engage with their peers after almost two years of distance learning. Social and interpersonal skills build on emotional competencies. Children must be able to use these skills effectively in order to contribute to a team, resolve disagreements and coexist peacefully with others. ##### Social emotional learning skills and gross motor activities When we stop to think about what skills are involved in playing games and participating in sports, we realize that there are many social emotional learning skills (SELs) that impact a child’s success. Passing a soccer ball involves physically kicking the ball… and making eye contact with a teammate, coordinating where they’ll be, etc. We need self-regulation and control to display good sportsmanship and we use analytical and abstract skills to play by the rules. Sports, which combine physical activity and play, represent an important environment to intentionally build important skills such as teamwork and cooperation, empathy, planning, and problem-solving — just to name a few. However, it is important to remember that the development of these skills requires intentional effort and a structured approach. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/olympics-themed-social-emotional-learning-activities) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Healthy Peer Relationships](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/healthy-peer-relationships/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Many teens and young adults with ADHD face social skills challenges that make it difficult for them to develop healthy friendships. Their eagerness to fit in can lead them to participate in dangerous and unhealthy activities. Caroline Maguire walks us through the components of healthy peer relationships and signs of unhealthy relationships. She also answers questions from teens and young adults on how to cultivate meaningful and beneficial relationships. Caroline Maguire, MEd, ACCG, PCC, is a personal coach who works with children who struggle socially and the families who support them. She earned her master’s degree in education and early childhood development, with a specialization in social emotional learning, from Lesley University. She is the author of the award-winning book, *Why Will No One Play with Me?* and founder of the SEL training methodology designed to teach emotional regulation, social- and self-awareness, and responsible decision-making skills. She founded the only coach training program accredited by the ICF, ADDA’s The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families. She is a contributing editor to CHADD’s *Attention* magazine. **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [Non-Pushy Ways Parents Can Help Shy Kids Make Forever Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/non-pushy-ways-parents-can-help-shy-kids-make-forever-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Does your child find it too difficult to play with new kids? You know they’re supposed to step outside their comfort zone, but it seems like it’s just too hard for them. Despite how it feels now, you can help them make friends without being pushy or expecting them to be someone they’re not. The first thing you need to do is ask your child, “What makes this hard? Why do you avoid trying new things and joining in?” The beauty of asking questions is that it allows the child to identify — for themselves — why this is the case and what lies outside their comfort zone. Your child may truly not know what to do or how to join in. So, here’s how to help your shy child break out of their shell. #### Three ways parents can help shy kids make forever friends: ##### 1. Identify something new that each of you can try Make a pact with your child to take each step outside your comfort zone and try something new. Work on something hard for you, and your child will work on this. Let them pick any activity, group, or sport that they can just show up to. Introduce the concept of the “comfort zone tool.” We all know how it feels to tackle something outside our comfort zone — all the more when it’s something hard for us. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/ways-parents-help-shy-kids-make-friends) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Is Your Kid A Hot Mess? 10 Ways To Help Your Child Keep Their Emotions In Check](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/is-your-kid-a-hot-mess-10-ways-to-help-your-child-keep-their-emotions-in-check/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As everyone turns the corner from the height of the pandemic and back to school, many parents are struggling with concerns about their child’s feelings and emotional state. Carrying a 500-pound backpack, seeing people they had forgotten, realizing new relationships have formed during hybrid or shut down schooling, or even just trying to use social skills they have not used in a while can be tough. Not to mention all [the struggles that go into childhood and teenhood](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/draliciaclark/common-hot-button-triggers-for-parents-struggling-teens). Is it any wonder that you have an overly emotional child, right now? As you hear the stories of other kids who seemed to have climbed Mount Everest during the pandemic while getting straight A’s, your child might feel very alone. But, fear not! Many kids, probably including yours, are a hot mess right now. But their struggling does not mean that they will struggle forever. At the end of this school year, so many kids and teenagers are bombarded with demands, mental health issues, and the feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out). If your kid seems unmotivated, it’s because they probably are. Perhaps some students have surfaced energized, but for the majority, going back to school is about learning how to connect again. Low energy combined with stress may create an environment where they come home snarky and grumpy. Don’t despair, they might just need a little support to guide them out of this hot mess. Here are 10 ways to help your overly emotional child keep their emotions in check. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/check-in-with-overly-emotional-child-whos-big-hot-mess) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [If You're A Parent Of A Socially Awkward Kid, Here Are 10 Ways To Help Them Socialize](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/if-youre-a-parent-of-a-socially-awkward-kid-here-are-10-ways-to-help-them-socialize/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Socializing well comes naturally to some but not so easily to others. Your child or teen might be “that awkward kid” — the one who avoids direct eye contact, hesitates to initiate a conversation, or desperately relies on one friend. Is your kid introverted, socially awkward, or socially anxious? Being introverted is not the same as being socially awkward. Introverts may relish their alone time and may be seen as alert and observant. They do not typically get shamed or bullied by others. #### If you’re the parent of a socially awkward kid, here are 10 ways to help them socialize. ##### 1. Intervene early. Keep an eye out for how your child interacts with others in a variety of settings. You may not notice anything at home but perhaps on the playground or with neighbors, you may be able to pinpoint areas of potential concern. If you notice a problem, the best thing you can do is talk to your child and try to understand their perspective. Be curious, use open-ended questions, and work collaboratively on solutions. ##### 2. Build basic skills for getting along. Include your kid in social occasions, holidays, events, and dinners. Have them Social Spy to guess what other people are feeling. ##### 3. Collaborate. It’s not their fault that social situations end up painful. Don’t nag, but work collaboratively to build skills. Practice taking little steps and encourage them every step of the way to build up their self-confidence. Consider breaking down the steps to making a friend a simple process of connecting with another person. This can help demystify the process and make it less intimidating and less complicated. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [If You Teach Your Kids These 4 Skills Now, They're Less Likely To Act Bratty In The Future](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/if-you-teach-your-kids-these-4-skills-now-theyre-less-likely-to-act-bratty-in-the-future/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Does your child think he knows better than adults, including you? Don’t worry, most kids do this from time to time! But when a child or teenager’s behavior goes from normal limit-testing to outright defiance and even trouble-making, how can you reason with them or get them to listen? There are ways to parent a defiant kid, teaching them respect without crushing their spirit or their sense of independence. In fact, the best way to keep your kid from being bratty or defiant is to nurture their independent thinking within reasonable confines, to listen and show them respect and to teach them social skills. In turn, they are more likely to show respect toward others. #### Teaching kids these four skills helps prevent brattiness and defiance in the future ##### 1. How to make good decisions on their own Using open-ended questions and reflective listening not only helps eliminate a ton of unnecessary friction with your kids, it also gives them a social skill that can prevent behavior problems in the future. Rather than telling your child, “You need to stop arguing with your teachers”, ask, “How do you think your teacher feels when you speak out of turn? What impression did you mean to make? What made what you had to say so important? How can you say this without seeming to argue?” This allows your child to consider others’ thoughts and how their behavior can negatively or positively affect others. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/teach-kids-less-bratty) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Teach An Outspoken Child To Show Respect (Without Dimming Their Light)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-teach-an-outspoken-child-to-show-respect-without-dimming-their-light/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Your child or teenager just said something so cringey you can’t believe they said it! Sometimes a kid can be too loud or too blunt and say things that hurt people’s feelings. Kids can seem oblivious to how other people react to their words when viewed from an adult’s perspective. Kids often haven’t developed the ability to notice when people pull away because of their tone, volume or level of speech. As parents, we are blown away by how a kid can miss all of the signs. You know your child has a good heart, but they might have adopted a mindset of “I speak my truth” or “I tell it like it is” despite your caution against always saying everything they think. Even when they are in the middle of these conflicts, you know they are coming from a good place. But, you worry if they tell their classmates everything they think, it’s going to be a disaster. Is it really necessary to point out to their classmate their project has no value? Do they realize it makes them the center of attention when they comment on everything being discussed? Kids and teenagers often don’t have the skills to read the room. They struggle to self-regulate and self-monitor their behavior. In other words, sometimes, they can be filterless. Unfortunately, children don’t come pre-loaded with a social filter app, and there is not one available for download. Telling your child to think before they speak does not always solve the problem because solving this is not so simple. If your kid could change on their own, they would. The truth is, they need your wise counsel and support to make it stick. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/how-teach-outspoken-child-show-respect) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Stop Putting Your Foot In Your Mouth At Work (& Feel Less Awkward, Too)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-stop-putting-your-foot-in-your-mouth-at-work-feel-less-awkward-too/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’ve all had it happen: an awkward moment at work that still stings a day later. For example, during an important meeting, maybe you interjected a comment that wasn’t in line with your goals, nor with the persona, you have been working so hard to project. Eager to share your thoughts, you blurted out a remark that not only caught others off-guard but actually offended some of the participants. Not great, right? Communication can be hard. #### Are You Feeling Shame and Pain, Realizing That You (Again) Did Not Read The Room? - Do you have a difficult time interacting with others, especially people you don’t know well or in high-intensity situations? - Do you have a hard time sharing or engaging in back-and-forth conversations? - Can you make off-topic remarks, or struggle with reading body language and understanding personal space? #### Working on social communication skills can help Social communication skills are a vital part of the human experience because they help us interact positively in social situations. Without these skills, we may appear uncooperative or rude. Honing the skills to notice and interpret others’ social cues and possible reactions will in turn help us better peer interactions and help us bond with one another. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/feel-less-awkward-work) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Stop Being The Person Who Says All The Wrong Things (At All The Wrong Times)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-stop-being-the-person-who-says-all-the-wrong-things-at-all-the-wrong-times/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** As a person with ADHD, you may find that you go down a wormhole when you’re talking and say things you meant to filter out. Even if you don’t have ADHD, you may find yourself in this situation. For instance, after observing someone’s space, you made a comment that they’re a hoarder. What you meant to say was that they are a clutter bug, but somehow your comment came out too harsh, too abrasive. Now, you realize what you said was cringey and made people uncomfortable, so now no one will look you in the eye. If only you had a time machine that let you go back and fix it. As you begin to think back, it reminds you of other times when you told a joke that turned out to be a zinger that landed wrong. Instead of making people laugh, you insulted and shamed the person when all you meant to do was make a joke. You vow to stop saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But how? When will it end? Instead of ending the conversation, you go on and on about some personal detail and by the time you’re finished, the people listening have your bank account numbers and a history of the dysfunction in your family. Sometimes your tone is too strong, or you don’t read the room correctly. Despite the fact that you would never hurt anyone intentionally, your words offend and then you have to live with the regret and self-regulation hangover that sets in. Why couldn’t you just control your mouth? If only this was the first time something like this happened to you, it would be an easier fix. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/how-to-stop-being-sarcastic) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Stop Being Sarcastic (So You Can Stop Annoying People)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-stop-being-sarcastic-so-you-can-stop-annoying-people/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Words matter. How you say something communicates more than what you say and your tone greatly impacts how your words are perceived. As you probably already know from experience, kind and gentle tones are welcoming while snarky or sarcastic tones rarely go over well. It’s crucial to recognize your tone and know how to control it to appropriately convey your message. Sarcasm is mainly used to say the opposite of what’s true and is often used to make the other person feel off-guard or foolish. Sarcasm has a bite or bitterness in the words that comes across as rude. Witty is good, sarcastic often is not. Do you want to come across as obnoxious, passive-aggressive, offensive, rude or angry? Communication is 7% verbal and 93% non-verbal, which includes facial expressions, gestures, postures, and tone. Sarcasm falls in the area of tone. Tone makes up 38% of communication, which makes it one of the most important factors to influence how we convey our opinion, feelings, and thoughts. If you thank someone with a sarcastic tone, it may be perceived as insulting or angry. A sarcastic tone in verbal or written communication is most often going to be perceived in a negative way. It’s common to miss the mark when aiming for a public-appropriate or diplomatic tone. Off-the-cuff comments communicated with a sarcastic tone can alienate others, inspire retaliation and ruin reputations and relationships. ***[Read the full article on YourTango.](https://www.yourtango.com/self/how-to-stop-being-sarcastic)*** **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Identify (And Solve) Your ADHD Child's Big Challenges — So They Can Finally Succeed](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-identify-and-solve-your-adhd-childs-big-challenges-so-they-can-finally-succeed/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** If you are the parent of a child with ADHD, you may have a more challenging job than other parents due to your kid’s behavioral patterns that can be more taxing than their peers. Even a charming, cooperative kid with ADHD can get out of control as these behavioral patterns can be attributed to ADHD or other developmental or emotional challenges take hold. The kid who thoughtfully talked to grandma for over an hour last weekend is now ignoring your requests and even arguing back. When pressed, they may throw a tantrum (regardless of their age) or obliviously continue breaking long-standing family rules. But parents can learn to identify these behavior patterns and help their children adjust. ##### Kids with ADHD often have challenging behavior patterns — and for good reason. Before we go further, it is important to recognize that your kid isn’t trying to be “bad.” They have a neurological condition. ADHD can make it hard for them to do things they find difficult or boring. This can be stressful for parents since it turns homework and bedtime into battles. People with ADHD experience hyperactivity, impulsivity, and inattention in varying degrees. ##### Your child isn’t defiant — his skills are lagging You wouldn’t expect a child to hit a baseball before learning how to swing the bat. Many children who struggle with behavioral challenges don’t have the skills they need to do what’s expected of them, and unfortunately, ADHD behavior patterns can lead to harsh — and mistaken — assumptions. There is the child who barges into a room, disrupting the conversation, or the one who laughs at a joke after everyone else has moved on in the conversation. These children may appear rude or awkward, but not all we see is what it seems. ***[Read the full article on YourTango.](https://www.yourtango.com/family/identify-challenges-adhd-kids)*** **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Help Your Teen Through A Painful 'Friendship Breakup'](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-your-teen-through-a-painful-friendship-breakup/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We tend to think of romantic relationships as the ones that break hearts, but when a friendship suddenly ends, it can hurt just as badly. It is important to recognize that although it was not a romantic involvement, this doesn’t mean that when a friendship ends that it doesn’t hurt. Gone are the late-night exchanges, the person to walk into a party with, and the one who understands your family dynamics. This friend may even have felt like family, hanging around your house for years. In fact, you may miss this friend too! Your teen may have had this friend for many years, or maybe this friend is fairly new on the scene but has become a BFF — regardless, sometimes even the closest friendships can come to an end (especially if they are toxic.) #### Twelve ways to help your teen recover from a friendship breakup ##### 1. Be there. Your teen will open up more if he feels understood. By holding back judgment, you become your child or teenager’s partner and create a safe harbor and judge-free zone. You are your kid’s original teacher. Work towards having fun and reducing strain so your connection becomes more important than anything else. ##### 2. Help your teen realize these things happen. Your teen may feel like they are the only one this happens to, but almost everyone on the planet has had a friendship suddenly end. People change and need change too, and sometimes a relationship ending can be a good thing. ##### 3. Provide time to grieve. Just as with any loss, help your teen to move through the stages of grief. Being cut off from someone who played an important role in their life can be crushing. If their former friend leaves without answers, help your teen consider that it might be because of their inability to discuss uncomfortable issues. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/help-your-teen-friendship-breakup) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Help Socially Challenged Kids And Teens Celebrate Their Wins](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-socially-challenged-kids-and-teens-celebrate-their-wins/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Are you the parent of a socially challenged kid or teen? Do their social skills need a little work? As a parent, you often look for big changes and wins. You want to hear them “getting it” and that they’re really willing to change. However, developing social skills for kids and teens means recognizing and appreciating that change happens with little wins, little shifts, and small successes. The road to change is not paved with momentous events like in a Hallmark movie. Waiting for these events will only result in disappointment. For example, if your teen is working on flexibility, they might not display frequent, regular flexibility. Instead, they might adopt small wins around flexibility, such as changing where they sit. If they do it three times — it’s a small win! #### Here are 5 social skills for kids to watch out for and celebrate. ##### 1. They’re nodding or shrugging. When your teen hesitates to respond or if you’re broaching a tough topic, they may simply shrug or nod. Recognize that a shrug is actually an answer and that they are communicating with you. Being tongue-tied or not being able to express thoughts via words can make parents think their kids don’t hear or are ignoring them. Don’t forget to look for the small wins and be sure to keep communication open — the better you partner, the more your child will want to communicate with you. ##### 2. They recognize social cues. As your child’s coach, your goal is to help your child understand the unspoken rules of social behavior, learn how to watch for cues from other people, and work on adjusting. When you ask and listen to your teen, you learn about their experiences. Cheer the small successes as the stepping stones to bigger ones. Work with your child to develop the game plan — the playbook — and the overarching goal, which is for your child to make friends more easily and “go along and get along” with others. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-grow-social-skills-for-kids-and-teens) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Help A Kid Who Is Being Ostracized](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-a-kid-who-is-being-ostracized/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** School is back in full swing and some kids are loving it; reconnecting and building new friendships while others are being shunned and ostracized. I am getting many heartbreaking emails from parents who are feeling helpless as they watch from the sidelines as their child cowers from the pain of rejection. One parent shares how her third grader approached several groups to play, but wasn’t allowed to join. Another shares how her son approached a table and was told that he could not sit with them, yet later was asked for homework help. If your child is coming to you and saying they are being left out — that is so much easier than the child who denies he has a problem. #### Is ostracizing a form of bullying? Short answer: Yes. Socially rejecting, excluding, and ostracizing others is a form of bullying called relational aggression and is seen more often as kids get into middle school. In fact, relational aggression is even common in the workplace. #### What is relational aggression? Relational aggression is an elusive form of bullying that others outside of the target may not notice. Parents, teachers, and others often do not notice this form of abuse and frequently the kids who are performing this type of manipulation are kids that you wouldn’t expect it from. Although this type of behavior is seen more often in girls, it is not limited to gender. The vehicles for this type of aggression vary but often include cyberbullying, shaming, excluding, ostracizing, gossiping, spreading rumors, public humiliation, and exuding peer pressure. Dealing with this kind of bullying can be very difficult for kids and their parents. Many, if not most of the victims, suffer in silence. And if they have a history of struggling to make friends and connections, it can be exacerbated. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/how-help-kid-who-being-ostracized) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Get Through To Your ADHD Kid — When It Feels Like Nothing Else Has Worked](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-get-through-to-your-adhd-kid-when-it-feels-like-nothing-else-has-worked/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** One way a parent of a child with ADHD can improve communication with their kid is to learn about the “Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic.” What is the “Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic?” According to the Gottman Institute, it is the emotional interplay between a person (a pursuer) who urgently seeks confrontation to resolve issues and a person (a distancer) who avoids confrontation by retreating. Mentioned prominently in the work of Dr. John Gottman, Julie Gottman, and author Terry Gaspard, this dynamic affects all of one’s relationships over a lifespan. That includes communication in family relationships when a child or partner has ADHD. #### How To Help ADHD Kids Using the “Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic” When emotional conflict arises, those with ADHD tend to lock onto an argument, behavior, or opinion. Held captive by an inability to regulate their emotions, they often “pursue” parents, partners, or friends — long after the other party has asked for a break. This might take the form of arguing, texting, or physically following someone in an effort to continue the argument. Escalation is inevitable, especially in the individual with ADHD, particularly when the other party does not respond. ##### Pausing does not necessarily de-escalate the situation. Parents or children often try to use tactics such as pausing in order to attempt to de-escalate an argument. But this rarely works for people with ADHD because of the attempt to extend ongoing engagement. The person with ADHD often continues the pursuit, demanding resolution, further discussion, or answers. The argument or discussion becomes a living illustration of the Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic. The Distancer and Pursuer Dynamic is further exacerbated by each party’s anxiety, history of trauma or rejection sensitivity, or level of emotional control. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-get-through-kid-with-adhd) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Get Kids To Share Their Feelings About Living With ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-get-kids-to-share-their-feelings-about-living-with-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You ask your child how he feels and despite his grumpy tone, slamming things on the counter, and gruff demeanor, he says,”fine.” Your child gets off the bus and you know something happened at school as she retreats to the basement with headphones on. You notice that lately your son has come home early from activities and does not reach out to his friends. Instead, he spends most of his time playing video games by himself. Your daughter seems to be down — a mix of sad and anxious. You’re worried that if you broach the subject of school and friends, she’ll reject your advice outright. It’s hard to be a parent today. It’s harder to be a kid. Watching your kids go through hard times is a right of passage we all face as parents. As much as we wish we had the magic answers, sometimes, all we can do is watch as our kids struggle with their feelings. Whether it’s friends (or a lack of friendships), feeling misunderstood, poor grades, or other social challenges in school, kids with ADHD have deeper burdens on their shoulders than many of their peers. Despite the neurotypical experience being socially accepted and embraced in some communities, often kids still feel left out and ostracized. Why seemingly “normal” challenges are so difficult is a pain most parents wish they could take away. I’ve thought about this a lot. Helping parents understand what they can, and can’t do for their kid is a big part of my books and my work. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/talk-to-kids-adhd) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Feel Confident Around Really Intimidating People](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-feel-confident-around-really-intimidating-people/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Everyone wants to sashay into work, a classroom, or their kid’s PTA meeting with a smile on their face and their head held high. It is one of the most coveted qualities on the planet. Why? Because confidence feels good. It feels powerful and independent. When you’re confident you can stand on your own two feet and trust yourself. You know how to handle the good and the bad and you know how to manage your little foibles, missteps, or mistakes. Confidence feels like the exact opposite of anxiety, or feeling left out, or misunderstood. Many of us struggle to feel confident. It’s elusive. It’s not a skill we were born with, confidence is a learned skill. As an adult, this is especially important to remember if your pattern has included feeling uncertain about yourself. #### Six ways to feel more confident around people who usually intimidate you ##### 1. Understand how confidence can be learned. The perhaps not-so-great news is you have to learn confidence. I know it’s hard to see people around you looking and acting confident when inside you feel insecure and unsure. But that’s the launchpad for growing confidence. ##### 2. Feel confident enough to believe something can change. Whether you need to meet your coworkers for coffee, at a big meeting, or when offering an important presentation, learning how to feel confident is a skill that will carry through your life once you learn it. The good news is there’s one quick skill you can start to practice right now. This skill keeps you motivated as you work on transforming your inner sense of self from lacking confidence to being fully confident. The skill is “reading the room.” [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/how-feel-more-confident-around-intimidating-people) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Embrace The Deepest Part Of Conversation — The Silence Between Words](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-embrace-the-deepest-part-of-conversation-the-silence-between-words/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Most people think of silence as something that needs to be quickly covered up otherwise it will lead to awkwardness. There is a reason we often refer to silence as “awkward silence”. But what if silence is good for conversations? After all, silence is an important part of communication. In fact, silence can be a very effective communication tool. When we communicate, we are expressing ourselves — verbally and non-verbally. Sometimes, silence does a better job at conveying a message than words can. Words only express seven percent of the messages we want to convey. Nonverbal communication (expressions, gestures, tone, volume, etc.) therefore expresses 93 percent of the message. If this is the case, then we can see how silence can contribute to a conversation, too. #### How To Be Comfortable with Silence in a Conversation Silence has a purpose. It isn’t just a placeholder, waiting for someone to interrupt. If you are eagerly waiting for a lull so you can get the last word in, you miss the purpose of a conversation — to exchange ideas. Instead of division, we should work toward unity. It’s no wonder that “communication” is the top problem cited by partners coming to couples counseling. ##### How do you cope with silence in conversations? Try to like silence, or at least, not be bothered by it. Silence can indicate whether the communication and the relationship are healthy or not healthy. If you know the other person doesn’t mind silence, maybe even likes it, then don’t let it bother you. [***Read the full article in YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/managing-silence-conversations) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How To Be The Parent Your Kid Needs At Every Age](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-be-the-parent-your-kid-needs-at-every-age/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Parents have one of the toughest jobs out there. And since moms and dads aren’t handed a how-to manual upon childbirth, it’s perfectly normal to worry about being a good parent who consistently meets your kid’s needs. (In fact, wondering how to improve your parenting skills is a sign you’re already doing a great job!) The good news is children are constantly giving us clues about what they need. It’s learning how to decipher them that’s the tricky part! Here’s how to be the parent your unique kid needs at every age ##### 1. Embrace your child’s interests. By embracing their interests, you show your child you care about what is important to them. Just think how you would feel if your spouse or partner never asked you about the most important things happening in your life! By paying attention to your child’s interests and desires, you nurture your relationship with them and show you’re both present and engaged in their life. Doing this will empower you to be the parent your kid needs because you’ll understand your child on a deeper, more fundamental level. ##### 2. Listen when your kid speaks. While you may be tempted to interrupt your child’s dialogue with parental guidance, make an effort to listen to your child and not judge what they have to say. Think about it this way: How would you feel if people chastised you and brought up every mistake you ever made when you tried to talk to them? By holding back your comments and choosing to listen without critique, you create open and easy communication. Not only are you more likely to get honest information by using this approach, but your child is also more likely to come to you again the next time they have a problem, too. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/be-parent-your-child-needs-at-every-age) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Are Distractions Keeping You From Your Goals? 10 Hacks To Quiet The Noise](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/are-distractions-keeping-you-from-your-goals-10-hacks-to-quiet-the-noise/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Do you find yourself stopping what you’re supposed to be doing because of distractions at work? Do you want to know how to not get distracted? Who doesn’t get distracted when the phone rings, co-workers talk about work or weekend activities, and social media notifications hit every few minutes? Sometimes, distractions happen while you’re at work, school, or at home that makes you stop doing what you’re supposed to be doing. These distractions can come from yourself or others doing what you should be doing, or doing things you shouldn’t be doing. The key is to understand the severity of your focus problems. Do they happen regularly? Do distractions cause you to miss deadlines or decrease your performance? Are distractions affecting your work performance? Are you isolating from family, friends, coworkers, losing track of time, having trouble completing tasks at work or home, feeling defensive about the time you spend on the internet, or feeling energized with non-work Internet activities? **Here are 10 hacks on how to not get distracted at work.** [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-not-get-distracted-work-quiet-noise) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [9 Ways To Support Your Kid When They're Labeled The 'Naughty One'](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/9-ways-to-support-your-kid-when-theyre-labeled-the-naughty-one/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Lessons from the parents who’ve been there. “My son will not sit in circle time,” one mother told me. “The principal is constantly calling about my son’s behavior on the bus. What can I do? I am not even there,” another mother bemoaned. “The teacher keeps calling me to complain about my daughter’s slow pace. When my daughter doesn’t get her class work done, the teacher keeps her in during recess to finish her work, and my daughter has an understandably emotional reaction every time,” another parent admitted. ##### Familiar stories Millions of parents across the U.S. receive phone calls from schools, teachers, coaches, and other parents regularly about their children’s behavior. These types of well-intentioned calls can be very draining. Parents often hear too much about things their children do wrong. Sometimes, a child’s behavior is aggrandized and made to look like a larger problem than it needs to be. Society is very critical of kids today. Adults often expect kids to act as adults, or they expect kids to change their behavior overnight. The negativity is probably starting to get to you. These criticisms may be making you feel stressed, frustrated, or even ashamed of your child. Even though deep down, you understand change and growth take time, you wish you could do something now so you don’t have to watch your child struggle with the pain of judgement. Remember, other parents throughout the country are going through the same ordeal of parenting. Every child develops at his or her own pace. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/support-your-child-labeled-naughty-kid) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [9 Healthy Habits Of People With Fun Lives And Lots Of Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/9-healthy-habits-of-people-with-fun-lives-and-lots-of-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Being social and fun-loving is something people work at. Social media can emphasize the feeling of being unnoticed, lonely, and left out. When we do manage to psych ourselves up to reach out, join in and engage, it can be draining — emotionally, psychologically, and physically. You can’t help but wonder how other people can be so social and still have energy for their own lives. If this is you, maybe it is nice to know you aren’t alone — and there’s likely nothing wrong with you. Creating (and enjoying) a thriving social life takes work! It’s a skill, like any other, and if it’s important to you, it’s worth the effort. #### Nine habits of people who have fun lives and loads of friends ##### 1. They manage feelings of social vulnerability How about instead of forcing ourselves to use all our skills and strain our system to go out and meet new people in new places, we start with small, micro-social engagements? Let’s try to harness “the love chemical” to help us better read social cues — which in turn helps us notice and filter social stimuli — a key challenge for those of us who can feel bombarded in social settings. ##### 2. The understand the “science of connection” Oxytocin, known as “the love chemical,” is essential for social bonding, as explained in Comprehensive Psychoneuroendocrinology Journal. This critical neuropeptide helps everyone – infants to the elderly – bond with others. It builds trust and connection and raises self-confidence. When you feel a connection with someone, oxytocin is likely surging in both brains, signaling friendly intentions. This sensation encourages you to reach out – emotionally and possibly physically. ##### 3. They enjoy their little micro-connections They are small, everyday acts of kindness. Every time you hold the door open or smile at a passing stranger, you are creating a micro-moment of connection. They are mini “love” moments that can raise oxytocin in our brains and in others too. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/healthy-habits-people-fun-lives-friends) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [8 Ways To 'Read The Room' When You're Feeling Socially Awkward](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/8-ways-to-read-the-room-when-youre-feeling-socially-awkward/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** The most important skill for charismatic people. Some people “read the room” easily, while some don’t. One thing that the most charismatic, compelling people have in common is their ability to read a room, but it’s a skill that often requires honing. This skill gives them the ability to sense what people need in any social situation, so they know how to interact and put people at ease. Now, with the extra layer of needing to interpret others virtually sometimes, it can be even more nuanced than ever. You might even start feeling awkward. As a world, we’re reaching a social crisis. Stress, loneliness, uncertainty, and political divide are just some of the recent demands influencing our ability to read the room. You may have been good at reading the room before, but now, it’s difficult. In addition, there are also self-regulation issues around being a good co-worker. In this new emotionally-charged climate, you need to take perspective more than ever. ##### What does it mean to “read the room”? When you read the room, you scan the room to interpret energy, facial expressions, and context. What’s going on in the room, lives of people, and the world as a whole? This works both virtually and in person. The ability to effectively read the room allows you to better adapt to varied situations, [read non-verbal cues](https://www.yourtango.com/self/subtle-body-language-signs-someone-psychological-pain-needs-help), and better tailor your message. ##### Spy on Your Surroundings Exercise: Go on “field trips.” Visit stores, coffee shops, etc., and ask yourself, “Who’s ‘in charge and giving out orders’? Who is ‘grumpy’?” Even with masks on, you can see eyes and hear dialogue and tone of voice. ##### What are the elements involved when you read the room? Here are the 8 steps to do it. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-read-room-feeling-socially-awkward) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [7 Ways To Help Kids' Rusty Social Skills As The Pandemic Winds Down](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/7-ways-to-help-kids-rusty-social-skills-as-the-pandemic-winds-down/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** How can you expect your child to assimilate when they haven’t been practicing their social skills? Covid-19 had a dire impact on all of our healthy social skills, but especially children. And no one can dismiss the impact rusty social skills have had on all of us. Calling it a “missed year” is an understatement. How can we expect our children to assimilate into hybrid or in-person learning when they haven’t been practicing their social skills? What about the child who was shy, introverted, or lonely before Covid? Will life be better or worse for them? One year of over-indulgence in screens and rusty social skills and now we are to sit back and expect life to be great for them? ##### Addressing the social and emotional needs of kids as they return to in-person school. Of course, academics are critical. Yet, we shortchange our children when we discount the importance of social connection. The American Academy of Pediatrics stated that kids need to return to in-person school this fall. They recognize the seriousness of Covid and the importance of physical safety, yet, they also recognized the essential value of emotional safety when evaluating overall school safety. Relationships with peers and adults are invaluable, especially for preschool-aged children who are learning how to share and play with other kids. Kids get a lot of value out of their personal interactions with other kids. Social life is a key part of growing up at every age level. As with any other skill, if not practiced and used, social skills become rusty. Younger children need to play to build reciprocal relationships, and teens need to “chill” together. Being with peers, trying things out, practicing, adapting, and trying again is a key aspect of social learning. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/ways-help-kids-rusty-social-skills-pandemic-winds-down) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [7 Simple Games To Play With Young Kids — That Teach Unique Social Skills They'll Use For Life](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/7-simple-games-to-play-with-young-kids-that-teach-unique-social-skills-theyll-use-for-life/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Many children learn about norms and acceptable behaviors through everyday social interactions. Helping your child develop social skills can make a lasting positive impact on their life. Games can make the lessons stick — and make them fun to learn. Social skills games encourage children to join in, cooperate, take turns, understand social expectations, meet playmate expectations, and recognize inappropriate behavior. People with good social skills often know what to say when, how to behave in a variety of situations, and how to make good choices. Many children learn about norms and acceptable behaviors through their everyday social interactions with parents, teachers, and peers. However, some children need more direct social skill instruction. You could lecture them about it, or you could build vital life lessons into the games you play with your kids. ##### How can social skills games help kids who are falling behind? We use our social skills every day to communicate and interact in society, both verbally and non-verbally. Good social skills help everyone successfully interact in social situations, build positive relationships and have a better self-image. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/social-skills-kids-games) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [6 Tiny Ways To Finally Start Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/6-tiny-ways-to-finally-start-feeling-comfortable-in-your-own-skin/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Everyone has awkward moments. When I was a kid, I was always the last one picked for the team or game. In part, this was because I struggled with basic physical skills. Embarrassingly, when I finally hit a baseball in gym class, I followed it by throwing the bat and hitting my gym teacher in the face. Not my finest moment. I never felt comfortable in my skin. I was awkward, and it showed up anytime I had to be physically active in front of other people. Over time, a series of memories grew so vivid whenever someone mentioned an activity resembling one of my faux pas that I would shrink in avoidance. The embarrassment was palpable, and it was hard. If you’re like me, being the awkward kid can have a deep and scarring effect on your life. It can show up in a lot of ways. - Maybe you were always the kid who got sidelined at dodgeball. - Or you were insecure doing something in front of other people and your very presence made other people uncomfortable. - Or you were the kid who tripped when you walked into a room. - Or you always talked too loudly or mumbled so quietly people stopped asking you to participate. - Or you said things so cringy the air felt like it was sucked out of the room when you spoke. - And rather than moving our bodies with grace, we trip and fall and knock over someone’s lamp. Unfortunately, social missteps from the past can often cause us to focus more on what makes us awkward instead of paying attention to our strengths and characteristics that make us good, endearing friends. Here’s the truth: everyone has awkward moments. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/how-comfortable-your-own-skin) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Ways To Teach Kids To Identify Tone Of Voice At An Early Age](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-ways-to-teach-kids-to-identify-tone-of-voice-at-an-early-age/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Tone of voice builds independence and confidence. What does it mean to teach your kids how to identify tone of voice? This time of year, as parents wade back into the school routine, you may be noticing your tweens and teenagers have already missed assignments. Similar to wading through a 1-800 customer service line, you can spend hours online trying to resolve issues. You encourage your kids to write to their teacher and work through the systems themselves. You even suggest they speak to a teacher to clarify an assignment or discuss missing work, but this can be fraught with complexities and even met with a wall of negativity and resistance. “Are you ever going to post the Latin assignment?” Yikes! Their tone is abrasive, the messaging is incoherent, it’s missing important pieces, and, sometimes, you may even end up writing most of it yourself! What you actually want is for your kids to learn this skill in order to build independence. Here are 5 ways to teach your kids how to identify tone of voice when communicating. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/ways-to-teach-your-kids-how-to-identify-tone-of-voice) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Ways To Help Your Teen Build Authentic, Lasting Friendships](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-ways-to-help-your-teen-build-authentic-lasting-friendships/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Forget frenemies, your teen deserves better. Do you have a teen who’s having trouble socializing and making friends? If your child clings to friends who don’t treat them well, you, as a parent, may want to help. But, your teen might refuse, claiming that everything is OK. Unfortunately, everything is not “OK.” In fact, social isolation can impact social skills for teens. And it’s excruciating! You know that despite your teen’s claims that they have plenty of friends, they don’t have the kind of positive friendships you want for your kids. When spontaneous social interactions are disrupted, the loss of social engagement may impact your child’s ability to learn and practice social skills naturally. Asking them to “reach out” may seem like a simple suggestion, but your teen may resist due to all the steps and time required to coordinate the invitation. They may even have a thin social network and fear rejection. But, the good news is that teaching social skills is possible. Here are 5 ways parents can help develop social skills for teens who are having trouble making friends. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-parents-can-help-develop-social-skills-for-teens) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Ways To Foster Basic Social Skills For Kids Going Back To In-Person School](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-ways-to-foster-basic-social-skills-for-kids-going-back-to-in-person-school/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Support your child as they re-learn basic social skills. Fostering basic social skills for kids is now more important than ever as school gradually returns to in-person. It’s been about three weeks since your children returned to school buildings. How is the new normal treating your family? For most, this is the first time since schools closed in March 2020 that your children have had a full-time, in-person schedule. Most parents and teachers are cautiously monitoring the children. How are they holding up — academically and socially — while in new classroom arrangements that no longer offer grouping or indoor lunches? How do you help young people relearn basic social skills for the rapidly changing world? Do you need to support your child as they relearn basic social skills? I argue that students need to return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills as well as their mental and physical health. Depending on the age of the child, some may not have been in a school building for two years. As students and adults adjust, parents should “slow the roll” and help children re-adjust, gradually. Some children may need to be retaught basic social skills. #### Here are 5 ways to foster basic social skills for kids going back to in-person school. ##### 1. Ensure your child knows how and when to ask for help. Knowing how and when to ask for help is a critical, yet surprisingly complicated, life skill. Children first must recognize when they need help and then manage their feelings that may get in the way. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/basic-social-skills-for-kids-during-back-to-school) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Ways To Avoid Social Regrets When You Have ADHD — & Make The Most Of You Superpower](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-ways-to-avoid-social-regrets-when-you-have-adhd-make-the-most-of-you-superpower/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** An ADHD specialist (who also has ADHD!) shares her 5-step plan for avoiding ‘ADHD hangovers’. Do you ever wish you could go back in time and fix what happened the day before during a social interaction? So much so, the next day you think about why someone would’ve said it, wonder if you should’ve responded differently, wished you’d defended yourself (or someone else) and had a funny-yet-direct response? Do you ever think about a positive interaction and kick yourself for not appreciating, acknowledging it or being polite enough in response? ##### If so, welcome to the world of “social hangovers” with ADHD! Those of us who struggle with executive function challenges may say too much, over-react, deny involvement, blurt out hurtful comments or speak in a tone that is off-putting. Since we are often less able to read facial or non-verbal cues, we may over-compliment until the recipient feels awkward, or we stay silent. Often, we either became distracted and missed a critical pieces of a conversation or we think that we are not “smart” enough to add to the conversation. These situations can lead to many social hangovers. Over the years I’ve developed a framework that not only keeps me organized but also makes socializing feel so much more natural. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/managing-adhd-social-regrets) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Ways To Adapt When Your Child's ADHD Overwhelms You](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-ways-to-adapt-when-your-childs-adhd-overwhelms-you/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** What you feel is natural, but there are ways to mange it. Kids with ADHD can be tough. You love them with all your heart and yet, your child seems out of touch at times. They don’t operate with urgency to get important tasks done and when they do get into action, it’s messy, or sloppy, or disorganized, or challenging. Arguing is super common or they cocoon and seem to ignore other people. Maybe they want to debate things that are not up for debate, or check-out of doing important tasks altogether. All of this leaves you feeling exhausted, frustrated, and on a roller coaster of emotions all day long. The truth is, it’s exhausting. So while children with ADHD are smart, funny, gifted and innovative, they also struggle with executive function skills, sometimes immaturity and inconsistency. As a parent, you’re often caught in the middle, trying to balance your own feelings about their behavior while also trying to help your child have less conflict in their life. You love your child, but your relationship is strained because of the frustration of it all, and it’s bringing you down. I get it. I know this world and there is a double-edged sword as a parent. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/childs-adhd-frustrated) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Tips To Crush The Holidays As The Parent Of An ADHD Child](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-tips-to-crush-the-holidays-as-the-parent-of-an-adhd-child/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It’s not easy for the kids either. Parents are always striving to make their kids’ holidays memorable. But, it isn’t always easy if your child struggles with an invisible disability like ADHD. You may experience being besieged by unwanted and unhelpful advice, which may leave you feeling alone. As you embark on this season of perpetual parties and family gatherings, there are some things to think about as you parent that can help you support your child to become their best self. #### 5 parenting tips to make your ADHD kids’ holidays memorable. ##### 1. Don’t be afraid to change the plan to do what your ADHD child needs to thrive. If you need to stay at an event for a short time, alter or reduce the planned activities for the day. You can even stay at a hotel instead of a family’s guest room. It’s OK. Remember that environment has a profound effect on the child’s symptoms, and you want to set the child up for success. ##### 2. Have a place or a pre-arranged strategy to allow for some space and escape advice. Give yourself a break when relatives and friends become too intense and have a ready network of support to reinforce that you’re doing your best and you’re working to help the child long term. Rome was not built in a day. ##### 3. Don’t be afraid to educate your family. Maybe they need a copy of “Driven to Distraction” in their stocking? Don’t be shy about asking relatives and grandparents to try to understand or call them in advance to ask for support, not advice. [***Read the full article on YourTango***.](https://www.yourtango.com/family/social-skills-kids-need-for-school) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Social Skills Kids Need To Practice Before They Head Back To School](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-social-skills-kids-need-to-practice-before-they-head-back-to-school/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** An early childhood ed expert share some tips for kids whom socializing doesn’t always come easy. Your child looks down, eyes diverting from the bank teller and you impatiently think, “Come on, spit it out!” You witness what seems to be paralysis. She starts sentences then stops them, hesitates, and as the teller’s eyes divert from her to you, she eventually utters words that are inaudible and incomprehensible. **Later, when you ask her what was going on, she says, “I don’t speak because I don’t know what to say.”** Having difficulty articulating thoughts, especially under pressure, is a common problem. A lot of kids simply haven’t perfected the art, and a summer spent … well, being a kid …. doesn’t tend to sharpen a child’s communication skills. Yet it’s a skill that can be learned — even in the summertime — through social skills practice. **Now is the time to practice those social skills — before school starts back up again for fall.** ##### Kids often don’t speak because they don’t know what to say In social situations, your kid may fall behind fast-talking friends, or they may come off sounding like they are clueless when they know the content well. She may hesitate to raise her hand in the classroom, or cringe when called upon, for fear of incorrectly putting her thoughts into words. Your kid may have difficulty with his working (short-term) memory, and instead favor long-term memory. His peers may prefer working memory which is essentially putting information “on the tip of their tongue.” Working memory retains information for seconds and is easy to access, but the information is not stored there for long, unless it is moved to long-term memory. For your child to access this long-term information, they need to “pull up” the information, which takes longer to formulate and can slow them down when speaking. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/social-skills-kids-need-for-school) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Signs You're Raising A Little Bully — And How To Get Back On Track](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-signs-youre-raising-a-little-bully-and-how-to-get-back-on-track/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** No one ever thinks they are the parent of a bully. Unfortunately, it can happen to almost anyone. No child is perfect. Most parents have seen their child be mean to other kids. If you’re worried your child might be a bully, there are some subtle signs you should know. Maybe you’ve gotten a phone call from your child’s school. Your kid has pushed another kid’s face into some pasta at lunch. They have been reprimanded and are in trouble again. Or you saw your kid be snarky at a classmate’s birthday party and heard them say snide things, like “We can see you’re a genius” or “I’m trying to picture you with a personality” to other kids. Perhaps your child’s peers do their bidding, or you overhear another child tell their mom, “Casey says I can’t be a Sweater-Saurus at Halloween.” You wonder, “Wait, is that MY child telling other people what to do?” You think, “Heck, no, this is not happening.” No one ever thinks of themselves as the parent of a bully; no parent wants their child to be a bully to others. **Here are five signs of bullying behavior to watch out for:** ##### 1. Lack of empathy for others Kids who display difficulty walking in other people’s shoes or don’t display feelings of understanding around the fairness of someone’s emotions or reactions are a sign to watch for. Additionally, kids who don’t show compassion or empathy and don’t think about other people’s feelings or experiences may have a struggle in front of them. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/signs-you-are-raising-bully-how-to-stop) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Shame-Free Ways To Help Your Video Game-Loving Kid Embrace IRL Friendships, Too](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-shame-free-ways-to-help-your-video-game-loving-kid-embrace-irl-friendships-too/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** You want your kid to have a “normal” life, but normal looks different for everyone. If your child is constantly playing video games with virtual pals, rather than building friendships and making connections with other kids in real life, it can be concerning as a parent. You might even wonder if your child knows how to make friends offline or if they have the social skills to do it, since you’ve noticed all along your kid does not tend to make friends easily in the first place. Of course, you know play has changed since your childhood and virtual gaming is what kids do these days, but now your child spends nearly all of their time playing video games with online friends, you’re worried they’re not making friendships in the real world — and that it could lead to social problems down the line. You want to help your kid improve their social skills so they develop meaningful friendships IRL, but when you try to talk about this dilemma with your child, they tell you, “[My online friends are real friends!](https://cyberpsychology.eu/article/download/4272/3312/0) This is how people do things now.” While that is true, you also know your child needs more than virtual buddies, and you want them to start making friends in real life. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/help-video-game-loving-kids-make-real-life-friends) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Painful Signs Your Child Is The Classroom Bully](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-painful-signs-your-child-is-the-classroom-bully/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Wait, is that my child telling other people what to do? No child is perfect. Most parents, at some point, have seen their child be mean to other kids. But if you’re worried that your son or daughter might be a bully at school because they seem to have a habit of putting others down, there are some subtle signs of bullying you should watch out for. Maybe, in the past, you got a phone call from your child’s school. Your son has pushed another kid’s face into some pasta at lunch. He has been reprimanded and is in trouble again. Or you saw your daughter be snarky to other girls at a schoolmate’s birthday party and heard her say snide things, like “We can see you are a genius” or “I’m trying to picture you with a personality” to other kids. Perhaps your child’s peers do his bidding, or you overhear a comment from another child to her mother at a coffee shop — *“Casey says I can’t be a sweater-Saurus at Halloween”* — and you wonder, “Wait, is that my child telling other people what to do?” You think, “Heck no, this is not happening.” But sadly, it is. #### Here are 5 painful signs your child is the classroom bully: ##### 1. A lack of empathy for others You notice your child does not try to walk in other people’s shoes. They don’t show understanding of others or empathy and don’t think about other people. They may blame others and tend not to take responsibility for their actions. More than their peers, your child just does not seem to worry about the feelings of other people or their impact on others. This lack of empathy may be a sign your child is a bully. ##### 2. Obsessing about fitting in Some kids are very acutely aware of the social hierarchy and social status. Thus, they feel tremendous pressure to fit in. They may try to manage and orchestrate control and are obsessed with their social image and social media, and they spend too much time worrying about how they are perceived. This can lead your child to make choices to fit into, making them turn into a bully, even though they don’t mean to. ##### 3. Previous experiences with anger, violence, or bullying Your child has experienced and witnessed bullying, violence, anger, and punishment. They’ve been pushed around so they see aggression and punishment as the answer to their problems. Since your child has been a victim or has experienced injustice or witnessed adults using aggressive behavior, they may turn to this as their go-to reaction. This may not be their intention. As a parent, you can help him find another way. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/painful-signs-child-family-bully) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [3 Hurtful Things Parents Say When Their Kids Are Being Bullied](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/3-hurtful-things-parents-say-when-their-kids-ar-being-bullied/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** If you’re a parent, you want to know what to do about bullying. School is back in-person (for many) and your child was placed — again — with “those” kids — the mean ones, the clique-y ones, the ones who dictate the terms of how the year will go. Kids know who they are and so do parents. We talk around it because we don’t really know how to help our kids stand up to bullies. I work extensively with kids from across the social skills spectrum — kids who’ve been called bullies or bossy, kids who always seem to be victims, bystander kids who’ve learned to look the other way. I know the kids who are rude and unthinking who, after years of being miserable, have learned to go on the offense, making some other kid miserable first. The victims feel trapped and helpless. So do other kids who witness hurtful behavior and remain silent. ##### There are 3 things parents say that hurt kids who are being bullied ##### 1. “Kids will be kids” and “All kids can be mean.” This overlooks the fact that the level of cruelty dealt out by some is markedly different and hurtful. ##### 2. “We should wait and see…” You’re waiting to talk to the teachers, the school, or the parent of a child who treats others this way, hoping time will resolve the problem. ##### 3. “The kids need to work it out. What can a parent do anyway?” All of these things are untrue. The idea that kids will just figure it out on their own — that they need to do so — has a long, miserable, and misguided history. When you believe the story that there’s nothing you can do, you leave the children to bear the burden. They need your help. Every child needs to believe that change is possible — and they need the social skills to do it. [***Read the full article on YourTango***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/what-to-do-about-bullying-things-to-say-kids) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [19 New Things To Try When You'd Rather Stay In Bed Than Make New Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/19-new-things-to-try-when-youd-rather-stay-in-bed-than-make-new-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Making friends as an adult is hard. Finding how and where to[ make friends as an adult ](https://www.yourtango.com/self/how-to-make-friends-as-adult)is harder! Especially if you are anxious, have some social avoidance, and maybe have a history of feeling different left out, or rejected. **Maybe you are trying to figure out how to broaden your social circles — after all, studies show that [loneliness can be very bad for your health](https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html) — but staying in your fuzzy socks feels easier.** No matter what the reason, feeling that connection, the zing, the flood of joy to meet someone like you with similar interests is powerful and we crave it. [***Read full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/dont-want-make-new-friends) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [13 Things The Most Popular People Do When They Want To Make New Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/13-things-the-most-popular-people-do-when-they-want-to-make-new-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Everyone feels awkward in social situations, sometimes — even the people who seem totally at-ease around other people. Socializing comes more naturally to some people, but almost everyone has to work to maintain their social skills. Maybe, for you, socializing is extra stressful. Is it social anxiety? Social avoidance? Social awkwardness? It doesn’t really matter how we define the inability to just naturally feel comfortable in social settings. What matters is what we do to alleviate it. When we struggle with social skills, we may avoid social situations and that can affect how we build relationships. [***Read the full article on YourTango***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/learn-social-skills) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [3 Steps To Helping Kids With ADHD Handle Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/3-steps-to-helping-kids-with-adhd-handle-rejection-sensitivity/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** What is rejection sensitivity? When your child disappears into their room, is prone to being “too sensitive,” and often takes things to heart, it seems like it’s not a big deal to you. Your child’s intense reaction to any perceived rejection is overwhelming, and [you watch your child spiral downwards](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-children-deal-with-loneliness-and-isolation-when-they-say-i-have-no-friends). Something seemingly insignificant to you — like a friend not returning a text — can produce an intense and lasting reaction. ##### Kids with ADHD often feel like outsiders. Often, [children with ADHD](https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd#:~:text=Attention%20deficit%20hyperactivity%20disorder%20(ADHD,and%20children%20can%20have%20ADHD.) have felt like the outsider, watching from the sidelines while others enjoy playdates, get invited to birthday parties, or are asked to “just chill.” Your calming suggestion that perhaps the child is not being rejected goes unheard. [***Read the full article on YourTango***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/steps-helping-kids-adhd-handle-rejection-sensitivity) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [5 Easy Ways To Help Your Child Make Friends When They Have ADHD Or Behavioral Problems](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-easy-ways-to-help-your-child-make-friends-when-they-have-adhd-or-behavioral-problems/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Yes, they can make friends! If your child has ADHD, you know how hard it can be for him to make friendships. Children who struggle with ADD — Attention Deficit Disorder — struggle to keep focused on everything from schoolwork to even meeting new friends. Behavioral issues like this are common, so how can you help your child when they can’t make friends due to ADD or ADHD? A child with ADHD is tired and irritated. He walks away from a playmate while the playmate is still talking. You melt into the ground and wonder why your child is so rude. When you ask your son about the encounter, he seems to have no idea that he has been rude. He tells you, “I was done with what I had to say, so I don’t want to talk anymore.” As a parent this makes you wonder if children with ADHD will always struggle with friendships. Some of the characteristics children with ADHD have can give the appearance of being rude and insensitive or just too much for playmates. When feeling bored, overwhelmed, hungry, tired, or faced with self-regulating challenges, children with ADHD can unintentionally forget social guidelines and come across as uncaring and bad-mannered. They struggle with interpreting social cues, managing emotions, and self-regulating, but with proper support, they can work to develop better social skills. As a parent you may be baffled, but you can help your child with ADHD change their social approach. **Here are 5 simple tips to help your child make friends when they struggle with ADD or ADHD and behavioral issues:** #### 1. Teach them how to empathize or “walk in someone else’s shoes” Understanding how your behavior impacts other people and being able to consider their point of view is called “learning to walk in someone else’s shoes.” [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-child-with-behavioral-disorders-attention-deficit-disorder-add-adhd-make-friends) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [Your Child Isn’t Defiant — His Skills Are Lagging](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/your-child-isnt-defiant-his-skills-are-lagging/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** *“If he could, he would.”* Children with ADHD don’t always have rude behavior — sometimes, they simply lack the executive function skills to keep up with confusing social norms and fast-paced conversations. Here’s how parents can reframe these social challenges and better bolster weak skills. You wouldn’t expect a child to hit a baseball before learning how to swing the bat. Many children who struggle with behavioral challenges don’t have the skills they need to do what’s expected of them, and unfortunately, ADHD behaviors can lead to harsh — and mistaken — assumptions. There is the child who barges into a room, disrupting the conversation, or the one who laughs at a joke after everyone else has moved on in the conversation. These children may appear rude or awkward, but not all we see is what it seems. ## How Executive Dysfunctions Impact Rude Behavior Certainly there are times when a child is stubborn, selfish, or disrespectful but neuroscience suggests that it is a lack of skills, specifically the brain-based “executive function” skills, that hold him back — not willfulness or laziness. Executive function is the brain’s hub of skills — memory, organization, planning, self-regulation, and the ability to modify our behavior in response to others. When these skills lag, advice about pushing through does not apply. Blaming and shaming only make matters worse. This is especially significant for children with [ADHD](https://www.additudemag.com/what-is-adhd-symptoms-causes-treatments/), due to their complex differences in the brain’s pathways and processes for attention and behavior. The conversation about ADHD and executive function skills most often focuses on academic skills. What’s missing, however, is recognition of how executive function affects social behavior. Social challenges are often traced back to underlying ADHD. Read on to learn how — and then, the next time your child’s behavior frustrates or baffles you, remind yourself: “If he could, he would.” [***Read the full article on ADDitude.***](https://www.additudemag.com/my-child-is-rude-defiance-adhd-social-challenges/) **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Stop Taking Things So Personally](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/stop-taking-things-so-personally/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It’s hard not to take things personally. When someone shouts at you on the road, you feel the sting of their anger. When scrolling through social media, you see a picture of a friend out with your other friends—and wonder why you were not invited. When you write a friend or relative to get together, it’s hard not to interpret their lack of response as a rebuff. Taking things personally weighs on you and drains your energy. Due to rejection sensitivity, adults with ADHD may feel bad about something that is not actually about them. Our brains are hard wired to focus on the negative (to protect us from danger), so we therefore tend to focus on the negative stories we tell ourselves. #### Here are eight ways to stop taking things personally: 1. What else could it be? Before you jump to conclusions about an actual or perceived slight, look, or oversight, consider instead, “What else could it be?” Evaluate the evidence to support this perception; could it be something else? Learn to walk in their shoes. Perhaps they forgot, did not see you, missed your message, or had a personal reason they were unable to share. Double check your reasoning by asking yourself questions such as: “What story am I telling myself?” “What evidence is there that this story is true?” “What else could it be?” 2. Shift your self-talk. Negative self-talk can bombard you, encasing you in your own hurtful prison. It hurts performance and increases the tendency to enter fight, flight, or freeze mode. No matter what the root cause, you deserve to feel there is a path forward. People with ADHD often are sensitive, empathic, and thoughtful. You may expect the same in others. These traits may cause you to take on unnecessary burdens. When they disappoint, you feel it personally. Reframe your negative talk and practice self-compassion. Is your negative self-talk creating this negative picture? Instead, tell yourself that it is NOT about you. Unless and until someone tells you that it is your fault, don’t take it on. More than likely, the other person was busy and didn’t even consider the impact of their actions. [***Read the full article on CHADD***](https://chadd.org/attention-article/eight-ways-to-stop-taking-things-so-personally/) **Media Taxonomies:** CHADD --- ### [3 Ways To Teach Your Children Good Manners When They Embarrass You In Public](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/3-ways-to-teach-your-children-good-manners-when-they-embarrass-you-in-public/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Every parent experiences some embarrassing moments when your child’s behavior shocks you and makes you feel the judgment of onlookers. Maybe you hear your child make a comment to a relative about their weight, or your child goes up to someone outside a coffee shop and tells the smoker, *“You’re going to die.”* Perhaps your kid receives a party favor he does not like and tells the host, or your teenager is mopey and sullen at Thanksgiving barely making eye contact with his relatives. These embarrassing moments are not about your parenting abilities — all kids do unpredictable things and have moments when they are rude, cranky or unaware of social expectations. **Here are 3 ways to handle embarrassing moments in parenting whenever your kids throw you for a loop:** #### 1. Problems in public Try to forget about the judgment of others — and try not to make discipline decisions in the heat of the moment because often your emotional state means you overreact to minor incidents. Hold back, and wait to discuss the embarrassing incident afterward so you and your child can discuss it calmly. This is unless you feel there are safety issues involved, or your child’s behavior is escalating. [***Read the full article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/parenting-advice-for-how-to-teach-your-children-good-manners-and-behavior-so-they-dont-embarrass-you) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [The Art Of Not Losing It This Holiday Season: 7 Ways To Protect Your Peace When Everyone's Being Annoying](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-art-of-not-losing-it-this-holiday-season-7-ways-to-protect-your-peace-when-everyones-being-annoying/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ***Holiday chaos doesn’t have to take you down.*** The holidays are supposed to be a wonderful time where everyone comes together to share the joy of the holidays. Self-management skills keep your emotions in check during the holidays. With so many tempers high, self-management skills for speaking and interacting with one another may not be up to par. And like our country, your family is not always communicating with each other in the way you’d hope. You love your aunt and your cousin. Your children, sitting at the small folding table next to the adult table, are watching you. You’re their models. Self-management skills will be required this holiday season, and they can do better if we do better. Moreover, children have a way of loving everyone for who they are — even in a big, burly sweater. What if you could be proud of your self-management? What if you step into someone else’s shoes and try to remember who these people are and what they have meant to you? What if you pause before you speak? Self-management requires self-regulation, self-reflection, perspective-taking, and stepping into someone else’s shoes. [***Read the complete article on YourTango.***](https://www.yourtango.com/self/art-not-losing-it-holiday-season-everyone-being-annoying) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [10 Common Mistakes Parents Make When Talking To ADHD Teens About Friendships](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-common-mistakes-parents-make-when-talking-to-adhd-teens-about-friendships/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** High school is a fast-paced, shifting social landscape where old friends can drift away and social status takes on greater importance. This is also a time when many kids shift their primary friendship focus away from family and spend most of their social hours with a core group of friends. For kids who have trouble making friends or who end up in messy friendship situations, navigating these challenges can be a minefield. ADHD isn’t necessarily the reason they [have friendship challenges](https://ruor.uottawa.ca/bitstream/10393/20139/1/Normand_S%C3%A9bastien_2011_thesis.pdf), but kids with ADHD have different ways of being in the world. To make life easier for everyone, parents can learn how to make subtle changes in their communication style to reduce the stress of helping a kid with ADHD. ***Read the complete article on*** [***YourTango***](https://www.yourtango.com/family/mistakes-parents-make-teaching-friendship-skills-adhd-teens) **Media Taxonomies:** YourTango --- ### [How to Manage Play Dates and Other Social Outings When Your Child Has ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-manage-play-dates-and-other-social-outings-when-your-child-has-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Having your child get together with other kids their age is an important part of socializing. But for parents of [a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder](https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2017-04-26/could-my-childs-adhd-symptoms-follow-him-or-her-into-adulthood), managing play dates and other outings can be challenging. How then, can social interactions be handled when [an ADHD child](https://health.usnews.com/wellness/articles/2017-03-29/im-worried-my-child-has-adhd-what-can-you-tell-me-about-the-disorder) interacts with non-ADHD children? Why might this be an issue at all? [Caroline Maguire](http://necoaching.com/index.html#contact), an ADHD and social skills coach at New England Coaching Services in Concord, Massachusetts, says this isn’t a challenge for every kid with ADHD. However, she explains that when taking into consideration the “basic [underlying tenants” of the disorder](https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2017-04-12/is-there-a-difference-between-add-and-adhd) such as having issues with inattention or hyperactivity, social difficulties can arise. For example, the National Institute of Mental Health explains that a child with inattention challenges may “have problems sustaining attention in tasks or play.” The hyperactive-impulsive child may interrupt others during game-playing or talk out of turn. Such behaviors may present challenges for [the ADHD child](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/index.shtml) attempting to interact with non-ADHD children during play dates and social outings. \[See: [8 Things You Didn’t Know About Counseling](https://health.usnews.com/wellness/mind/articles/types-of-mental-health-professionals-from-psychologists-and-psychiatrists-to-counselors-and-social-workers).\] Here’s a closer look at these challenges and some ways parents can better ensure a successful experience. Social Challenges for an ADHD Child “As far as the duration of a play date,” Maguire explains, “a neurotypical kid may be able to spend all afternoon in the pool and then want pizza afterwards.” She says a child with ADHD may not be able to go this long because they typically have challenges when it comes to emotional self-regulation. So, a neurotypical child who becomes hungry while playing, she says, may be fine when a parent informs them that food is on the way but they may have to wait a bit. ADHD children in this similar scenario may not cope as well knowing that they may not be able to satisfy their hunger more promptly. This may also be the case when fatigue or other feelings enter the picture. Therefore, consideration of the duration of the play date as well as its location is important, she says, because it can help set the child up for success. “Parents need to think this through,” Maguire says. “If you want a successful play date,” says [Carol Brady](https://www.additudemag.com/author/carol-brady-ph-d/), a psychologist in Houston, whose interest has been working with children, “keep activities short and sweet.” Doing so will help your child work within the parameters of his or her symptoms, while ensuring that all of the children are still having fun. “Start out small and structured and stick to a limited time period,” says Brady, who has written several articles for ADDitude magazine, a publication focused on families and adults living with ADHD. Additionally, Maguire adds that because children with ADHD often aren’t able to accurately “tune in” and gauge social cues, they may not notice that another kid is no longer interested in an activity. The non-ADHD child may interpret the ADHD child’s ongoing interest as being pushy, boring or uncooperative, when in reality it may be that the ADHD child is hyperfocused on something he or she finds intriguing or is unable to pick up on other people’s reactions. Parents should take maturity levels into consideration, says Maguire, who is also the director of the [Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families Program](http://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/family-adhd/) at the ADD Coach Academy and the author of the forthcoming book “Why Will No One Play With Me? A Parent’s Guide to a Socially Happy Child.” “A 9-year-old child with ADHD may behave like a 6-year-old,” she says of the [maturational lag](https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2017-04-14/does-immaturity-play-a-role-in-adhd) that’s common among those with the disorder. She notes that a 9-year-old usually expects certain age-appropriate behaviors from other children, so an ADHD child may be deemed too childish and goofy in the eyes of a non-ADHD child. All of this can lead to awkward play dates or prevent subsequent ones from occurring. “The other parents might think the ADHD child is ‘too much’ for their non-ADHD child,” Maguire says. “This may make them less inclined to invite the child in the future.” ### Why Playing Team Sports Is Good for Kids With ADHD Experts say the benefits outweigh the risk of injury. [Ruben Castaneda](https://www.usnews.com/topics/author/ruben-castaneda)July 3, 2017  In other cases, the parents themselves may be the ones standing in the way of another play date or social outing, Brady explains. “Parents may be so excited that their ADHD child is having fun with someone else that they end up prolonging the get-together,” she says. But if the play date goes on for too long, “it may fall apart.” Maguire adds that sometimes “parents may want to hang out regardless of whether the kids get along, because it’s an opportunity to interact with other adults. But it’s more important to make sure the children get along and have similar interests, she says. \[See: [10 Concerns Parents Have About Their Kids’ Health](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/slideshows/10-concerns-parents-have-about-their-kids-health).\] Suggestions for Successful Play Dates One technique to help ensure successful play dates involves Maguire’s “too much” concept. When coaching ADHD children, she’ll often focus on whether a child is being too much, too little or just right in terms of how a particular behavior may possibly overwhelm or please others. For example, she says that when a child starts acting too silly while running around (i.e. being “too much”), she’ll run with them then stop the child in the moment. At that time, Maguire asks the child what they’re feeling and whether they think they’re being too much, too little or just right. This helps the child understand their actions the instant they occur at which point she may suggest tactics to [calm down](https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2017-06-14/what-diet-choices-can-help-kids-with-adhd-calm-down), such as taking deep breaths or playing a different game. She also notes that it’s important to teach ADHD children ways to regulate their emotions, saying that they sometimes have a tendency to become overly emotional. To help manage this, she plays a game called “good winner, good loser.” Ideally, Maguire says a child should strive to be both. If an ADHD child is involved in an activity and loses, it’s not acceptable to throw things or stomp off. She’ll point out such behaviors when she observes them, enabling them to play better with others going forward. Parents too, play a significant role in the process. Brady suggests parents do as much research as possible before coordinating a play date. “People often refer to parents as teachers, but maybe they should also think of them as detectives,” she says. Parents who don the proverbial detective hat by learning more about who their child is getting along with and what activities both kids enjoy will be helping the child in the long-run. Armed with this information, a parent might want to consider approaching a teacher and mention that their child seems to enjoy the company of a particular boy or girl. Such parent-teacher interaction can pave the way for helpful feedback that leads to a successful play date. “Be a detective about who to invite to play dates,” Brady suggests. “Ask yourself if they are a match rather than saying, ‘well, I’ll just say my prayers and hope they get along.’” Maguire agrees, adding that it’s wise for parents to “look at a playmate’s temperament and think about whether their interests and temperament gel with your kid.” Brady adds that children with ADHD need reminders. For example, prior to a social outing, a parent may want to say, “Let’s remember, when we have a guest, it’s good manners to let them pick the game.” Telling your child to remember to not get upset if they don’t win a game or to remember to say hi to other children in a group are other examples. She refers to this as “remembering your reminders,” saying that this habit can help instill good manners, which she says is important for all children, not just ones with ADHD. Use Praise, Have Fun When a child demonstrates good behaviors during social interactions, Brady says it’s wise to provide positive reinforcement. “End the play date by emphasizing how many things the kid did right,” she says. Provide a specific example, such as telling them how well they took turns. \[See: [Hoarding, ADHD, Narcissism: Inside the Minds of History’s Great Personalities](https://health.usnews.com/wellness/slideshows/hoarding-adhd-narcissism-inside-the-minds-of-historys-great-personalities).\] The NIMH also suggests “giving praise or rewards when rules are followed,” stating that looking for good behavior is important, especially since “children with ADHD often receive and expect criticism.” Last but not least, Brady reminds people to [not be so hard on themselves](https://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2017-04-07/is-adhd-being-oversold-in-america) when it comes to social outings. “Have fun,” she says. “Lighten up. This is supposed to be fun for both the child and parents.” ## Best Children’s Hospitals Honor Roll Rank Hospital Name Location \#1 [Boston Children’s Hospital](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/ma/boston-childrens-hospital-6140270) Boston, MA \#2 [Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/pa/childrens-hospital-of-philadelphia-6231730) Philadelphia, PA \#3 [Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/oh/cincinnati-childrens-hospital-medical-center-6410391) Cincinnati, OH \#4 [Texas Children’s Hospital](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/tx/texas-childrens-hospital-6742018) Houston, TX \#5 [Johns Hopkins Hospital](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/md/johns-hopkins-hospital-6320180) Baltimore, MD \#6 [Children’s Hospital Los Angeles](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/ca/childrens-hospital-los-angeles-6931470) Los Angeles, CA \#7 [Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/il/ann-and-robert-h-lurie-childrens-hospital-of-chicago-6430560) Chicago, IL \#7 [Nationwide Children’s Hospital](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/oh/nationwide-childrens-hospital-6410950) Columbus, OH \#9 [Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh of UPMC](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/pa/childrens-hospital-of-pittsburgh-of-upmc-6232430) Pittsburgh, PA \#10 [Children’s National Medical Center](https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/area/dc/childrens-national-medical-center-6330030) Washington, DC Hospital Ranking information as of June 27th, 2017 Tags: [ADHD](https://www.usnews.com/topics/subjects/adhd), [children’s health](https://www.usnews.com/topics/subjects/childrens-health), [behavior](https://www.usnews.com/topics/subjects/behavior), [patients](https://www.usnews.com/topics/subjects/patients), [patient advice](https://www.usnews.com/topics/subjects/patient-advice) **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [I'm A Parenting Expert & Here Are The Tips I'm Giving Every Parent This School Year](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/im-a-parenting-expert-here-are-the-tips-im-giving-every-parent-this-school-year/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This school year, it’s time to color outside the lines. Not only did the last year mean huge restrictions for kids, but even before that, the increasing use of social media, extracurriculars, competitive schooling, and more means kids have felt the mounting pressure to do well and fit in. And we think this year, back-to-school should be less about getting back to normal—and more about embracing the joy of doing things your own unique and colorful way. What effect will the delta variant have on our children’s school year? Will masks continue, and if so, will they negatively affect children socially? With the return to in-person school in many states or continued social distance, we as adults are exhausted and besieged by worry and anticipation, yet we do our best to put on a brave face to prepare our children for another [back to school “non-normal” semester](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/back-to-school-expert-lessons-for-2021-and-beyond). ## Social distancing’s impact on your child. Of course, we need to keep our children, families, and one another safe. Given this, social distancing has been a necessity in many cases—even if it comes with some drawbacks for [child development](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/constructive-play). ## mindbodygreen Functional Nutrition Training Learn how to use food as medicine with a cutting-edge nutrition deep dive taught by the world’s foremost health & wellness experts. Learn more about [mindbodygreen’s Functional Nutrition Training](https://institute.mindbodygreen.com/functional-nutrition-training?itc_content=45971 "mindbodygreen's Functional Nutrition Training"). Children have missed milestones and experiences that are needed to prepare them for new horizons. The preschooler or the kindergartner who will be entering first grade will not have learned key instructions such as how to walk through halls with their hands by their sides. Some children now avoid social encounters despite having begged for playdates over the past 18 months. Others seem content to wear their PJs as attire, while others struggle with the transition between activities because recent life did not require a shift from the Lego tower to math class. ## How to prepare your child to reenter school this fall. Here’s the advice I’m giving parents this fall: #### 1.Help them move forward. There is a misnomer out there that kids will just “reengage” into their past lives, but how do we know that for sure? Shifts have occurred and due to skill gaps. It may be best to look for new routines rather than automatically going back to old ones. Collaborate with your child to walk through expectations, needs, and routines. #### 2.Create plans. Once you know the particulars of the school’s rules—and when they change—share them with your child. Will there be a mask mandate? What are the expectations regarding social distancing? Co-create a before- and after-school plan with your child that addresses these procedures. This will help to reduce their anxiety, especially as guidelines shift and change as the school year goes on, and help with time management. Factor in extra time, create a timeline, and do a dry run—even if your child was an ace at heading off to school before. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. #### 3.Prepare, preview, and problem-solve. Previewing what school may look like can help your child process worries and problem-solve potential hurdles. Ask what they are looking forward to and what they are worried about. Help them build future thinking by visualizing the morning, the class, and the routine. Role-play and act it out. If you cannot visit the school, then show pictures online, show the outside of the school, and ask friends and siblings to fill in some information for your child. #### 4.Schedule fun, passion, and interest. Although the [start of school may feel dreary](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-help-kids-transition-back-into-school-post-covid), our need to look forward to fun is even more essential. Kids may be in masks during the day, but outside of school can be a time to explore the things that make this all worth it. Collaborate to identify passions and interests, then create a plan A and plan B for different possible scenarios and for the shifts in the school year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Try to help your child plan and have fun and joy and breaks so they have something to look forward to that feeds their interest and passion. #### 5.Prepare for anxiety. As this pandemic stretches on and on, your child may experience anxiety. Project a sense of confidence and understanding while not minimizing their worries. Their concerns are real, and we as parents need to ask questions and listen intently. Empathy goes a long way. Start the transition with small steps. Drive past the school, shop together for new school supplies and clothing, and plan lunches. Children with anxiety often lack problem-solving skills and doubt themselves. For larger issues, see if together you can problem-solve. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. #### 6.Don’t surrender the conversation. Uncomfortable conversations are just that—uncomfortable. Our kids don’t want to talk to us, yet we know we need to address the root of the problem. Start with stepping into your kid’s shoes to explore the concerns. When we really explore their concerns, it does wonders for everyone. Don’t miss this opportunity by surrendering the conversation. If children are shrugging, quiet, or avoiding engagement, ask open questions. Try “What are you looking forward to?” and “What was fun about school before?” Don’t lecture or have big conversations. Instead, have small, quick check-ins. #### 7.Facilitate reconnecting with friends. Dust off social skills before school returns, and set up a few socially distanced playdates with friends now—especially those who will be in your child’s class. Meeting up before school starts can help your child assuage anxiety. Knowing someone who will be in their class will make the transition a little easier. #### 8.Navigating playdates when skills are rusty. A year without playdates has made social interactions more challenging for all children, especially those with existing social challenges. Playdates are a way for kids to practice and reengage, but many children are struggling now due to the lack of connection, lagging maturity, and fewer social models. Social distancing has made playdates even more valuable, yet they may take a bit more orchestration. When choosing playdates, aim for a friend whose temperament is similar to your child’s. This will provide a chance to play better and help your child practice the social behaviors they are working on. Care should be taken when selecting this peer, as too much similarity, e.g., two bossy kids, may actually induce arguments. Now is the time to provide children with extra support to build back lagging social-emotional learning skills. The good news is that like any skill, these can be taught and improved. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. #### 9.Detect your child’s gaps. Our environment, circumstances, peers, and role models shape how we learn. After months of home-schooling and social distancing, children may have developed gaps in their social skills. Peers, interactive play, and the reciprocal nature of being with others are how children learn new social, emotional, and life skills. Figure out where your child needs support by working collaboratively with their teacher. Look at past assessments and identify what skills they need to work on now. Share with your child these expectations and then partner on ways to move forward. #### 10.Practice skills at home. To help your child experience social learning, first model the desired skill or behavior and then actively engage in situations where they can practice this new skill. Play board games, engage in conversations, ask them to share with siblings, prompt them to read the room, and interpret daily situations so they can generalize the skills and demonstrate them with a playmate. Parents are the biggest role models for children. We need to be mindful of our own emotions in order to be present for our children. It is OK to express concerns and worry, but we must try to remain calm. Self-care is essential. Deep breaths, bathroom breaks, exercise, or stepping outside can help regulate feelings. This is not only important for you as a parent, but it also shows your child that you have strategies to take care of yourself. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [How to Make Friends: A People Skills Guide for Adults with ADHD w/ Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-make-friends-a-people-skills-guide-for-adults-with-adhd-w-maguire-m-ed-accg-pcc/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this hour-long webinar-on-demand from 3/25/20, learn the secret to making friends as an adult with ADHD, with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC. **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Making Friends as an Adult with ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/making-friends-as-an-adult-with-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In today’s TADD talk, with Caroline Maguire discusses “Strategies For Mitigating Insecure Attachment In Couples With ADHD”. Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., passionate personal coach, author, teacher, and speaker whose work has inspired important conversations about social skills. She is the author of Why Will No One Play with Me? and director of The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA). Visit Caroline’s website at [carolinemaguireauthor.com/](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) #### Bonus : Controlling the Impulse to Overshare Video Do you get caught up in verbally processing what others are saying, do you struggle with an impulse to overshare and then begin blurting out Too Much Information (TMI)? This is a self-regulation issue. Visit Follow Caroline at [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AuthorCarolineM), [TikTok](https://www.tiktok.com/@authorcarolinem) and [LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/). We’ll see you back here tomorrow! [Register for daily or weekly TADD Talks sent straight to your inbox](https://add.org/taddtalks/) or bookmark the [TADD Talks 2023](https://add.org/tadd-talks-2023/) page for future talks. Back to [TADD Talks 2023](https://add.org/tadd-talks-2023/) [d](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Caroline-Maguire-AUDIO-TADD-2023.mp3 "download: Caroline-Maguire-AUDIO-TADD-2023") **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [How to help when kids feel left out and say they have no friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-when-kids-feel-left-out-and-say-they-have-no-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This article first appeared on [Your Tango](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-children-deal-with-loneliness-and-isolation-when-they-say-i-have-no-friends) and has been republished wirth permission. --- As a parent, one of the most difficult situations you can experience is when your child expresses loneliness or even tells you, “I don’t have any friends.” Learning how to deal with loneliness can be a struggle for anyone, but when it’s your baby who says they’re feeling lonely and left out, it’s heartbreaking. You watch as your child trails behind other children at a party. You watch him always on the edge of the group, lurking near children but not fully included with them. You know your child has always struggled with friends, but now his social isolation seems worse. You come to realize that your child has no one to confide in, no one to share secrets with, and no one to laugh with. Your child comes home one day and tells you he has no one to sit with on the bus. And then your child says the words you have dreaded hearing, “ I have no friends.” He’s lonely — and you’re crushed. Every child feels left out from time to time, and every parent hears reports about teasing or a party your child isn’t invited to. As a parent, you know your child and you have a gut instinct from the first moment you look at them that tells you when your child is in need. And when you watch and see that he is feeling lonely, and you feel the terrible longing to help him and fix this problem just as you fixed scraped knees, torn stickers, and broken toys. #### You Might Also Like: [Talking To Kids About Sexual Harassment … Before They Even Know About Sex](https://ravishly.com/talking-kids-about-sexual-harassment-they-even-know-about-sex) As a parent, you want to help, but dealing with loneliness isn’t a lesson you wanted to ever have to teach them. Here are 5 ways to help your child deal with loneliness and overcome isolation when they feel left out or say they have no friends: ### 1. Take a realistic view of their social skills. There are several social skills everyone needs to succeed in life, to manage school, friends, projects and eventually the workplace. For instance, all research shows that children need to learn to be able to adapt to any social situation, to scan the environment and then to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of the situation. Consider assessing your child’s social skills, ask yourself, “Can my child make new friends? Could he join and collaborate with a group?” In order to start helping your child with his loneliness, you must first determine what social skills are holding your child back. ### 2. Open up communication. Try to find times to have a quiet conversation to understand what’s going on for your child and what the social landscape at his school looks like. Give your child space to hear you care. No matter what he says, empathize and try to stay calm. Many children are reluctant to share what is really going on, so one technique to help with this reluctance is to paraphrase what your child says and repeat it back to help clarify his concerns. For example, he might say, “There’s just this one girl on the bus teasing me. Every day she says stuff to me, and I have no one to sit with so no one protects me.” You can summarize and repeat back his statements which will you allow your child to clarify, share more information, and to tell his interpretation of the statement. By being curious and trying to understand his perspective, you invite him to be comfortable opening up to you. This will help you offer your child coaching to cope with the different social dilemmas. ### 3. Get Information. Information is power. Reach out to your child’s school and teachers to get more information about his daily life and to make them aware of the fact that your child is lonely and feels he has no friends. Siblings can be brought into the mission to help, comfort, and share valuable information. Try to stay calm and objective. The goal is to find out why your child feels lonely and why he feels he has no friends. ### 4. Provide a place for your child to shine. Everyone needs a place where they feel good about their strengths — especially a child who is lonely and feels he has no friends. Discover his strengths, an area of interest, or a new place to meet potential friends with common interests. It will help your child feel good about himself and will give him something to look forward to as you deal with his loneliness. ### 5. Address safety and bullying. While you help your child develop new social skills and find new friends, it is important to navigate any bullying and to make sure they’re safe and protected from physical harm. This often means informing the school, teachers, and coaches to remove your child from the bully’s orbit and to let the adults in your child’s life know he is experiencing distress. Often, schools are ready to help your child if they know he is feeling lonely and can offer your child support. --- #### More From [Your Tango](https://www.yourtango.com/): - #### [13 Things About Parenting That Will Take You By Surprise](https://www.yourtango.com/2015253922/parenting-advice-13-surprising-things-about-parenting) - #### [10 Easy Ways To Be A Fantastic Parent (While Staying Mostly Sane)](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/lianne-avila/10-easy-ways-be-fantastic-parent) - #### [10 Parenting Tips For Raising Unspoiled, Thankful Kids](https://www.yourtango.com/2014229904/10-parenting-tips-raising-unspoiled-thankful-kids) **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [How to Help Kids Learn Frienship Skills and Avoid Social Isolation with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-kids-learn-frienship-skills-and-avoid-social-isolation-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This podcast will focus on helping kids to gain needed friendships skills so that they can make and maintain meaningful relationships now and in the future. It will also serve to identify problematic behavior that may be keeping your children from making and being accepted by friends. Caroline Maguire, author of Why Will No One Play With Me provides tips and scripts that allow parents and educators to ask strong questions and provide necessary tools to help kids thrive in the area of friendship. Special guest: Caroline Maguire A child hangs back in gym class because he just knows he’ll be the last one picked. Another child monologues nonstop about dinosaurs on every playdate and still another talks nonstop throughout the movie even though everyone asks her to stop. They don’t get invited to birthday parties, are thought of too much or too little, & playdates often end poorly. Do you know any of these children? Every child struggles with something—and many have social challenges that, at their root, are issues with executive function and a need for social skills training. And while this may seem like just child’s play- those who know and love the children who struggle in the area of friendship know that it can be a very lonely place to be. The child often wants to have friends but isn’t picking up on social cues, the need to be flexible, and how to connect with same-age peers. They may ask, in one way or another, the heart-breaking question—Why Will No One Play With Me? Caroline Maguire is a personal coach who works with children with ADHD and the families who support them. Caroline earned her ACCG (Advanced Level Certification) from the ADD Coach Academy and her PCC (Professional Certified Coach Certification) from the International Coach Federation (ICF). She also received a Master of Education from Lesley University. Her revolutionary coaching program and methodology helps teach executive function skills to children, teenagers, and young adults. She is a former coach for the Hallowell Center in Sudbury, MA. While with the Hallowell Center, Caroline was the main coach for children and teenagers. Caroline consults with schools and families internationally and has been co-leading social skills groups for over a decade. She is also the author of a NEW book called Why Will No One Play With Me? The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends & Thrive **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Navigating the Holidays, Social Spying, and Sensitive Kids with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/navigating-the-holidays-social-spying-and-sensitive-kids-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## ABOUT THIS EPISODE Today, we’re talking to author Caroline Maguire. Caroline is the author of [“Why Will No One Play With Me?”](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=why+will+no+one+play+with+me+book&i=stripbooks&gclid=CjwKCAiA7vWcBhBUEiwAXieItjYbDsSFjX5lJ9twPwA7OzT-Y9yKzkbMvM4iisSKitHiZlo30FRksRoCP5wQAvD_BwE&hvadid=581350430074&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9001842&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=12904431085503734991&hvtargid=kwd-852697806911&hydadcr=22594_10356233&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_2snxbwhgzl_e), as well as a social skills and ADHD coach. She recently did a [TEDx Talk about her social spy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7Dia1TwTuY) approach to improving our interpersonal skills. Caroline talks to us about being a social spy during the holidays. She shares how (and what) to observe when we first enter into social situations, why it’s so important to read the room, helping sensitive kids manage their sensitivity, and ways to gamify the teaching of social skills. **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [My Socially Anxious Self: From a Tween to Today With Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/my-socially-anxious-self-from-a-tween-to-today-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire, discusses “My Socially Anxious Self: From a Tween to Today” Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, earned her undergraduate degree at Trinity College and her Masters of Education and Early Childhood Development with a specialization in social emotional learning (SEL) at Lesley University. Caroline is the author of the award-winning book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, a playbook of foolproof scripts on social skills development. Follow her at @AuthorCarolineM Oversharing is a common challenge for people with ADHD. It generally occurs when we struggle to control our anxiety. Download Caroline’s free gift, [Controlling the Impulse to Over Share](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/video-controlling-the-impulse-to-overshare). We’ll see you back here tomorrow! [Register for daily or weekly TADD Talks sent straight to your inbox.](https://add.org/taddtalks2021/) Audio Player [d](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/carolinemaguiretaddtalk2021FINAL.mp3?_=1 "download: carolinemaguiretaddtalk2021FINAL?_=1") [Download the transcript.](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/CarolineMaguiretranscript.pdf) If you enjoyed this TADD Talk, please consider supporting ADDA by [making a donation](http://bit.ly/tadd2018). **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [No time for passive parenting: Show your kids how to stand up to bullies](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/no-time-for-passive-parenting-show-your-kids-how-to-stand-up-to-bullies/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** t’s September and the digital grapevine is abuzz trying to figure out who’s in which classroom this year. Parents all over the country have Google docs and white boards mapping class lists to try to figure out who is in our children’s classes—hoping they haven’t been assigned to a group, team, or classroom with “those” kids—the mean ones, the cliquey ones, the ones who dictate the terms of how the year will go. Kids know who they are, and so do parents. We all know but we don’t really stop the problem. We talk around it. I work extensively with kids from across the social skills spectrum — kids who’ve been called bullies or bossy, kids who always seem to be victims, bystander kids who’ve learned to look the other way. I know the kids who are rude and unthinking who, after years of being miserable, have learned to go on the offense, making some other kid miserable first. The victims feel trapped and helpless. So do other kids who witness hurtful behavior and remain silent. There are three misconceptions about social cruelty and bullying that I hear from parents all the time as a social skills coach and a mother. First, that “kids will be kids” and all kids “can be mean”—overlooking that the level of cruelty dealt out by some is markedly different and hurtful. Second, that we should wait to talk to the teachers, the school or the parent of a child who treats others this way, hoping time will resolve the problem. And finally, that parents of a child who bullies, as well as parents of children who are victims or silent bystanders, have little or no influence over their child’s behavior and there is nothing they can do. All of these things are untrue. The idea that kids will just figure it out on their own—that they need to do so—has a long, miserable and misguided history. When we believe the story that “there’s nothing we can do,” we leave our children to bear the burden. They need our help. Every child needs to believe that change is possible. And they need the social skills to do it. Bullying, cliques, and exclusive behavior doesn’t come from a few bad apples, and it’s not just a fact of life: It’s the result of kids having been bullied themselves, kids suffering low self esteem, kids lacking empathy, or kids who lack the emotion regulation skills they need to manage their feelings and impulses. Children aren’t born bullies, victims or uncaring bystanders. Problematic social behavior is a sign that a child needs help, not harsh judgment. Adults can teach kids to develop empathy and ways to manage their feelings in situations that makes them feel helpless, scared or defensive. Stronger social skills provide them with healthier coping strategies in social situations and a sense of agency as they choose how to interact with others. The skills to thrive socially and with kindness are teachable if only someone takes the time to teach them. This year, don’t wait for social dust-ups or disasters to start the conversation with your child, with other parents and at your school for coaching important social skills. Step in and step up: If you see something, do something. Call out meanness or bullying when you see it. Bring your concerns to a teacher, recess monitors, bus drivers, administrator or the parent of a child whose behavior is concerning to discuss how the situation can be addressed. Actively advocate for inclusion. Focus on calm, kind, constructive communication. It’s important to keep your cool (emotion regulation) in conversation with any child, parent, teacher or others. Problem solving calls for a collaborative tone and intention. Don’t gossip about other kids or parents. Engage for change. Coach your child and their friends in simple kindness, empathy and basic social skills. It’s easy to focus on the failings of others—kids and parents alike. Coach yours to treat others fairly and kindly, and to expect the same for themselves. Some simple starters: - Talk to your child about the behavior she sees. Ask her what she thinks is happening and what factors might be contributing to it (personalities, time, place, or other pressures). Problem solve with your child and her friends to help them find how they can navigate the situation. - Ask your child to practice taking another person’s point of view—step into someone else’s shoes—and consider that child’s feelings. How do you think James might feel in this situation? What could be going in May’s life that she would behave this way? - Discuss how social skills don’t come easy to everyone, and practice social smarts that help kids connect or be kinder. What could you do to be helpful in that situation? What would you want someone to say to you if you were feeling that way? - Share from personal experience a time when you weren’t as empathetic as you might have been, why you try harder now and why it matters to you. When your child uses a snarky look or comment that disrespects another child, talk about it. Make inclusion a core value in your family and don’t just say it—teach your kids the skills to do We’re quick to tell kids to stand up to bullies, to intervene and call others out on the playground or elsewhere when bullying and cliquish behavior occurs. Kids are getting the message: be upstanders, not bystanders. But it’s up to us to show them how to do it. We need to walk the walk, and remember that we are our children’s first and most powerful teacher and coach for upstander behavior. --- ### By [Caroline Maguire](https://www.salon.com/writer/caroline-maguire) Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. is a personal coach who works with children with ADHD and the families who support them. Her forthcoming book, [“WHY WILL NO ONE PLAY WITH ME?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive”](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Will-No-One-Play/dp/1538714833/ref=as_sl_pc_qf_sp_asin_til?tag=saloncom09-20&linkCode=w00&linkId=3bbc5626c42474a9f611c8ddf6886044&creativeASIN=1538714833) is on-sale September 24 from Grand Central Publishing. Caroline earned her ACCG from the ADD Coach Academy and her PCC from the International Coach Federation (ICF). She also received a Master of Education from Lesley University. Her revolutionary coaching program and methodology helps teach executive function skills to children, teenagers, and young adults. She is a former coach for the Hallowell Center in Sudbury, MA. While with the Hallowell Center, Caroline was the main coach for children and teenagers. Caroline consults with schools and families internationally and has been co-leading social skills groups for over a decade. MORE FROM [Caroline Maguire](https://www.salon.com/writer/caroline-maguire) **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Oops I Did It Again! How to Stop Saying The Wrong Thing at The Wrong Time](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/oops-i-did-it-again-how-to-stop-saying-the-wrong-thing-at-the-wrong-time/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** by Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC You made a comment and the minute it left your mouth you realized that what you said was cringy and made people uncomfortable, so now no one will look you in the eye and you wish you had a time machine and go back and fix it. As a person with ADHD, you often go into the wormhole when you’re talking and say things you meant to filter out. Instead of ending the conversation, you go on and on about some personal detail and by the time you’re finished, the people listening have your bank account numbers and a history of the sexual dysfunction in your family. Despite the fact that you would never hurt anyone intentionally, your words offend and then you have to live with the regret and [self-regulation](https://add.org/virtual-workshop-becoming-a-people-person/) hangover that sets in. Why couldn’t you just control your mouth? ## Here Are 5 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Yourself by Saying the Wrong Things At the Wrong Time ### \#1 Shift Your Self-talk It’s easy to ruminate and create a story about every social misstep. And then to come up with a story you tell yourself about how people feel about you. Instead of just believing all your negative inner self-talk, fact check your reasoning by asking yourself some powerful questions, including: - What is the story you are telling yourself? - What evidence is there that this story is true? - What else could be going on? This doesn’t have to be a complicated process. The point is to not allow your reflexive or “instant” reactions to reinforce the story that you “always say the wrong thing at the wrong time.” Sometimes it is true, but certainly not always. And if you have said the wrong thing, try to practice some self-compassion and self-forgiveness so you can move forward. Forgiveness starts with shifting your self-talk and the story you tell yourself about your past social faux pas. Forgiving yourself for past mistakes is key so you can move forward. ### \#2 Identify the Emotional State You Were in When You Entered a Challenging Social Situation When flooded with sensory information, lights feel brighter, sounds are louder and crowds seem to close in on us. Sensory bombardment and overwhelm can make situations draining and anxiety-provoking. Start by diagnosing your emotional state as you enter a social situation. Check in with yourself about what has triggered you in the past and led to you losing control and saying the wrong things before. Was it the: - environment - people - sensory experience - crowds - topic of conversation - what happened earlier that day - triggers from the past Do some self-diagnosis. When I .. (insert experience) then I … (tend to do)… ### \#3 Work on Self-Regulation You find yourself simmering in their own emotions, bombarded by people talking, squinting because of the sunshine, while struggling to find your keys (that happen to be in their hand) all while walking into a social situation. When you become activated by stress your arousal levels in your body and brain go up and up like an elevator climbing in a high rise. Losing your self-regulation occurs when those activation levels continue to rise and consequently, throw off your internal homeostasis. Self-regulation that elusive state means bringing your body’s arousal levels down so you can return to homeostasis, here’s how it can be achieved: - Take 5 minutes to become more centered, by engaging in a guided meditation, deep breathing - Expel some of your energy by doing a short burst of exercise – jumping jacks, running up stairs or doing push ups for 15-minutes will increase serotonin and dopamine and calm your mind down - Take a walk outside or in the woods to experience a different canvas for your senses - Inhale a scent that calms you, breathing deeply and slowly until you reach a calmer state - Engage in Havening which can be CPR for the amygdala. Havening uses electromagnetic waves in the brain by using palm havening = rubbing your palms together, face Havening rubbing the face and arm havening self- soothing by rubbing the motion – the delta waves in the brain signal the amygdala that there is no threat and reduce anxiety and stress. [Watch Caroline Maguire’s TED Talk, “Becoming a Social Spy”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmEa6H7tDpg) ### \#4 Learn How to Be a Social Spy If you are [talking to someone](https://add.org/small-talk-101/), entering a social situation or realizing you are not sure what to do next- start with social spy. Social spy is one of my absolute go-tos when someone needs to learn how to manage their social behavior but they’re not sure how to do it. It looks like this: Scan the situation and watch people’s body language, facial expressions, and social cues. If you struggle to manage conversation and spy, then zoom-in on their face and then zoom-out on the room conversation and the bigger picture. Finally, listen and observe what they talk about with others, what they read, what clubs they are members of and what sports they play. ### \#5 Know Your Audience When you enter a social situation it’s hard to know what to say and what not to say. Unless you consider the situation and what the situation requires, it’s easy to respond incorrectly. Not sure what the expected response should be? You can take your lead from observations you have made, including who is there and what they are about. For example: - Do they like to joke around? - Are there topics they prefer not to talk about? - Are they a small group or do they include lots of people? When you know your audience, you have the greatest chance of reading the situation correctly. Then, what you say is adjusted depending on the situation, the people who are there, your relationship with them and your comfort level with them. Try using Social Spy in your life. And watch my Ted Talk on becoming a Social Spy for quick hacks… [Caroline Maguire’s TED Talk, “Becoming a Social Spy”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmEa6H7tDpg) If you’re looking for a community of like-minded people, consider joining [ADDA+](https://add.org/adda-plus-from-blog/). Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., PCC, author of the ground-breaking book, Why Will No One Play with Me? is a leading expert in social skills development. In her latest course (coming in January), she helps people become socially engaged, confident, and open to the unlimited world of learning, connection and life. **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [How Can I Read the Room When I Get so Overwhelmed?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-can-i-read-the-room-when-i-get-so-overwhelmed/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Sensory overload can make social and workplace events draining and anxiety-provoking. People with ADHD may struggle to read the room – to understand the emotions and thoughts of the people present, and to respond in an appropriate way. When one or more of the five senses are triggered, the brain – alerted to more stimuli than it can process – sounds an alarm that danger is near. The body instinctually reads this signal as a threat and enters fight, flight or freeze mode. **How to Calm Sensory Overload When You Have ADHD** In this state, we often succumb to the sensory-onslaught. Voices, lights and crowds seem to close in on us. Our natural retaliation to this “attack” is to avoid certain situations, grow quiet, or flee the scene unexpectedly. These escapes add to our feelings of guilt and shame. **5 Strategies to Overcome Sensory Overload:** 1. **Share your experiences** – Your struggle may confuse others, but it is very real to you. Prepare in advance “go-to” phrases such as, “I can get overwhelmed in large gatherings. This is not the best environment for me, but I am trying.” Without sharing, others can’t support you. 2. **Know your triggers** – Identify the What, When, Where and with Whom you can get particularly triggered. Mindfully watch for reactions and look for events and settings that precede a fight, flight or freeze response. Consider how the circumstance made you feel to help you better forecast an upcoming [ADHD trigger](https://add.org/adhd-triggers/). 3. **Propose another possibility** – Rather than begrudgingly attending, why not propose an alternative plan or location? Once you understand your triggers and know that an environment or group of people is going to push your sensory buttons, perhaps it is not the best place to be social. Where else can you go together? Is there another activity that works? Weigh the benefits. 4. **Take steps to protect yourself** – If you must go somewhere that is a triggering, have a plan. Bombardment of sensory stimuli and the cascade that leads to fight, flight or freeze will make it hard to pay attention to social cues and to read the room. Ask a friend to walk in the doors with you. Bring earphones to lessen auditory triggers, choose seats out of the fray, and pick times with less traffic, noise and people to prevent overwhelm. Pick one conversation to follow rather than trying to follow the many conversations happening in your midst. 5. **Engage in a pre-game** – Parties, concerts, hallways or subway stations crushing with people can be full of competing sensory information. Identify calming techniques that help you avoid or lessen a tail spin. Before the event, practice techniques such as mindfulness and self-talk to center, reassure and calm your limbic system. Self-care such as hydration, sleep and nourishment can be beneficial too. Our struggles to self-regulate and pay attention can induce [sensory overload](https://add.org/sensory-overload-adhd/). When you’re not tuned in, sensory information can sneak up on you. If you are still affected strongly even after employing these strategies, you may need to seek medical advice. There are treatments for sensory overload so don’t hesitate to bring this challenge up to a medical professional. Sometimes you may struggle more than others, pat yourself on the back for any little wins you experience and take note of where and when you are less bombarded so you can find the right environment for you! [ADDA+](https://add.org/adda-plus-from-blog/) offers a supportive community of like-minded ADHD adults, dealing with the same problems you are. Join us today! [Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/), is author of [Why Will No One Play With Me](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)?, winner of the [Best Parenting and Family Book 2020](http://americanbookfest.com/parentingfamily.html) and the founder of ADDCA’s [The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families](https://addca.com/adhd-coach-training/family-adhd/). Follow her @AuthorCarolineM and download her free video “[How to Tell a Tighter Story](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tighter-story/)” **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [Get organized with adult adhd](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/get-organized-with-adult-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** If you have ADHD, you know how tricky it can be to stay organized and on track. The challenge gets more intense when you’re trying to perform at work or raising a family. “Managing the details of diaper bags, sports equipment, relationships, work obligations, paying bills, oil changes, and functioning as an Uber driver to children can be overwhelming,” says Caroline Maguire, a personal [ADHD coach](https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/coaching-manage-adhd) in Concord, MA. But there are a few tricks that can help you stay focused on the tasks at hand. **Track your time.** Whether you use a desk planner, calendar, to-do list, or app, it’s key for people with ADHD to be aware of their schedules. “The visual reference helps hold information in your brain in a meaningful way,” says Mayra Mendez, PhD, of Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center. Be detailed and specific about what you write down. Along with work projects and big events, include small chores and errands. Keep this schedule with you and check it often — maybe several times each day. Know your triggers — and avoid them. Do you find it harder to focus when people are walking by your workstation? Lose your train of thought when a window’s open and you can feel a breeze? Become aware of the types of distractions that make your [ADHD symptoms](https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/adhd-symptoms) worse. “Once you’re aware of those triggers,” Mendez says, “you can plan how you’ll deal with them.” For instance, a white noise machine or headphones can drown out background noises. Closing your door, dimming (or turning up) lights, even masking certain smells may also help you focus. **Raise the fun factor.** When you have ADHD, [boredom](https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-boredom) kicks in quickly. And once your brain deems something dull, you’ll likely avoid it. Blasting music while you do the dishes or giving yourself a reward once you finish a work project will stimulate your brain and get things done, Maguire says. Slow down. Living only “in the moment” can blow your schedule or cause you to make mistakes you’ll need to go back and fix. - Related: [The Link Between Hormones and ADHD](https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/hormones-adhd-connection?mmtrack=10428-20502-16-1-1-0-1) When faced with many small tasks, “stop, think, and prioritize,” Mendez says. “Ask yourself, ‘What is most important and needs to be done first?’ ” Set a time limit, then move on to the second thing on your list. Facing a big decision, especially one about a fun activity vs. something you know you should do? Don’t act right away. Take a [deep breath](https://www.webmd.com/parenting/how-to-deep-breathe) and count to 10. Go for a walk. Have a drink of water. “Give yourself a few minutes so you can think through what you need to do,” Mendez says. **Be kind to yourself.** No one’s perfect. Despite your best efforts, there may still come a time when you miss a work deadline or forget to pay a bill. When that happens, go easy on yourself. “You’ll learn from the experience if you’re self-aware rather than self-critical,” Mendez says. “Ask yourself, ‘How did this impact me? What do I need to do differently next time?’ ” **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [Get off the roller coaster now!](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/get-off-the-roller-coaster-now/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, [send us an email.](mailto:corrections@huffingtonpost.com)  Get off the Feedback Roller Coaster Now! By Caroline Maguire, PCC, Med. Every day is an emotional roller coaster for our children. After all, learning to ride out those highs and lows is the crux of social-emotional learning in childhood. But what about us? What about our own roller coaster of emotions when, as parents, we’re confronted each day with reports of our child’s ups and downs—from them, from their teachers or principals, from classmates or their parents, or from others who feel compelled to share? Ordinarily, the more information we have about our child, the better prepared we feel to help them tackle their challenges, learn and grow. Not always, though. Good news, bad news, and sometimes just baffling news of your child’s behavior can be dizzying or overwhelming at times. If your child struggles with social or behavioral challenges—and an estimated 7 million children in the US do—chances are that any given day is filled with good news or bad news, and it is most certainly one extreme or the other. I’ve literally been paralyzed by reports from my own son’s preschool and I hear similar stories every day from parents in my coaching work with children and families. In fact, in my practice, what I find is that far too often too much information inundates worried parents, creating a sense of alarm, questions about what can be done, distress and, for some, a sense of hopelessness or panic. Often other parents, classmates, and sometimes, even teachers can be insensitive to what is going on inside our child’s brain, and just how hard they are working to improve. One afternoon you’re thrilled to get a smiley-face note from the teacher reporting good news from your child’s day and recognition that your work with him at home is showing results. But not every day is a smiley-face day. As parents of kids with social or behavioral challenges, we spend each day waiting for information—praying things will be better and reacting when things are worse. The information often arrives in a barrage of messages from different sources—from school, coaches, after-school enrichment teachers—and there is always a tone of urgency. Yes, you understand they need to tell you these things, but when you are bombarded with all of this information, things can get overwhelming and it’s hard to make good decisions. This response style, or way of managing, creates an emotional roller coaster that makes it hard to stay calm and keep a healthy perspective. One of the most important aspects of my coaching practice for children involves coaching their parents, too. And one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your child is to step off that feedback roller coaster and onto a more productive path. Take these five steps to manage the flow of information and your responses for calmer, more constructive communication. Think of it as part of the social-emotional learning curve—for parents! **Set Boundaries.** Talk with your child’s teachers, coaches and others about the kind of information that’s most helpful to hear, and how best to share it. Set specific times to talk about your child rather than have casual comments at pickup time present zingers that you can’t respond to right away. Be thoughtful. Let them know you respect their time and value their feedback, but you need to hear in a coordinated way that provides the most holistic, helpful picture of what is going on. **Use a Progress Chart.** Ask the school to set up a chart to provide your child with daily ratings on a specific behavior or two, and a mutually agreeable routine for review. This way both you and the teacher can see the big picture, not just one bad day of the week. Ask teachers, counselors or administrators to chart their daily notes on your child’s behaviors that are troublesome. This gives you all a broader picture to see if there are patterns at school or home that are helpful to know about. Be sure that educators know that you understand and share their concerns, and that you are partners in achieving improved behaviors. **Welcome an open and honest exchange.** Be honest with the school and let them know that you support them as essential partners in your child’s learning and social and emotional development. Emphasize that you are committed to working actively with them, but that the “firehose” flow of information, especially when it is not calibrated, is overwhelming and not productive for the long term. **Gather your Posse.** A circle of support is crucial. It is incredibly important to have some kind of outlet and sense of belonging so that you have people encouraging you and reminding you that this is a long-term journey. Every child is different and as long as you are aware of that and are working with your child on identified challenges, then you are doing the best that you can. And you will see improvement! **Find your Zen.** Calming techniques are great ways to balance your thoughts when information flies at you quickly. Calming breaths, stretches or mindfulness meditation, or perhaps just a cup of tea, are forms of self-regulation that can help you put things in perspective and bring that that equanimity to next steps. **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [From picking playmates to choosing activities, eight ways to give kids the social skills they need](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/from-picking-playmates-to-choosing-activities-eight-ways-to-give-kids-the-social-skills-they-need/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** PARENTS worry about how their child will fit in with others but now a new book, Why Will No One Play With Me?, by social skills expert Caroline Maguire, outlines ways to improve your child’s ability to mix with others. She says: “Helping your child have the skills to play better is a key component to helping them have positive relationships in life.” Here, Caroline shares playdate techniques to help your child make friends. Its hard for parents to know how to help their kids build the social skills they needcredit getty contributor## What’s the cause? The more you think about what skills your child needs to be more successful and work on helping them develop those skills, the more they will have positive play experiences. Ask yourself what tends to be the struggle for your child and then work on those skills. Talk to your child and try to understand the root of their emotionscredit getty contributorDo a little diagnosis and determine what the root cause might be whether it is sharing, managing their emotions, engaging with a friend, becoming overly excited or being flexible. Assign your child a mission for the play date to work on demonstrating skills. ## Playmate compatibility Pick a playmate whose temperament will allow your child a chance to play better and to practise using the social behaviours that you have been working on with them. Compatibility does not necessarily mean putting two like-minded children together. For example, two overly bossy, rule-oriented children might argue with each other and a domineering child might overshadow a shy child. Picking playmates who will allow your child to play better will help to develop their skillscredit getty contributor## Location, location, location Picking the right location and environment is key to helping them put their best foot forward. Try to host the play date so you can help shape the environment and remove toys or activities that have caused problems in the past. The right environment is vital in ensuring your child develops social skills while with other kidscredit getty contributorThink: What is an activity my child enjoys? Will it be a structured or an unstructured environment? In what environment does my child do well. Where do I have the most success with them? At home? A park or playground? A crowded bounce park where your child may be overstimulated may not be the best place for a play date. ## Practice makes perfect Have play dates with family friends, cousins, and siblings, and in emotionally safe situations over and over. “Beyond role-play simulation” means you have play dates with a goal in mind and your child tries to experience what it feels like to address their challenge. Having play dates in emotionally safe situations is really important for your childs social developmentcredit getty contributorFor example, they have a play date with the goal of problem-solving on their own or managing their emotions when they lose a game. ## Become a social spy Build your child’s noticing and observation skills by having them become a social spy. Your child will rehearse with you ahead of time, then “spy” on others to obtain key social information. Suggest that your child observes others to obtain key social informationcredit getty contributorMost children who struggle with social skills don’t stop to notice the important cues such as what other kids talk about at lunch, how loud they are on a train or in a museum, and what their teachers do with their bodies and voices when they are frustrated. ## Keep it under two hours The time of day you choose for the play date can be a set-up for success – or a deal breaker. Most children aren’t at their best when they’re tired or hungry so select a time when your child has the resources to focus on their play mission. Keep your eye on the time when your child is playing extended play can be too muchcredit alamyAnd having long extended play dates can be too much for a child to demonstrate emerging skills. Limiting the play to under two hours may help your child play better. ## If it goes off the rails Talk to your child about past challenges before the play date and formulate a plan. Try to pause, then remember, your plan is to breathe slowly in and out when you start to get upset. Talk to your child about past challenges before the play datecredit getty contributorCreate a subtle cue or code word to remind your child if you notice things going off track. For example, offering a snack or suggesting the children go outside might be your way of reminding your child of their intentions. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Frienships & ADHD: Ghosting, Awkwardness and More with Social Skills Expert Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/frienships-adhd-ghosting-awkwardness-and-more-with-social-skills-expert-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Ever feel like making friends is a puzzle you can’t quite solve? You’re not alone, mama! In this episode of Motherhood in ADHD, we unpack the nuances of friendship with our guest Caroline Maguire. Caroline is a leader in social skills development and the author of the book, “Why Will No One Play With Me?” – a handbook on how to communicate social skills training for your kids…and yourself! If you’ve ever felt like your ADHD impacts how you make and keep friends, this episode is for you. We’re talking about those oops-did-I-say-too-much moments and the I-have-no-idea-what-to-say ones. **Caroline answers questions from listeners like:** - What do I do when I’ve been ghosted? - How do I reach out when I’ve been distant due to my ADHD? - How should I approach talking to my friends, co-workers or bosses about how my ADHD affects my communication style? - How do I help my kids have successful friendships without pushing them too hard? Our relationships shape our lives – but they’re not easy when you have ADHD. So let’s dig in and figure it out together. What’s your ADHD Parenting Style? Find out at [patriciasung.com/quiz, ](https://www.patriciasung.com/quiz)because you’re not your average mama bear! **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Creating Likable Behaviors as an Adult With ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/creating-likable-behaviors-as-an-adult-with-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’ve got an excellent “TADD” Talk for you today! As part of ADHD Awareness Month and our special activities, ADDA has created TADD Talks, where we’ll be Talking about ADD every day the entire month of October! In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire, M.ED, ACCG, PCC discusses “**Creating Likable Behaviors as an Adult with ADHD**” Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, ADHD coach and professional speaker specializes in helping clients expand their executive function skills to open untapped potential. Her hands-on approach is entertaining and packed with information to present realistic solutions. If you’re already an ADDA member, thank you for supporting ADDA’s work. If you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk and you believe in what ADDA is doing (and you KNOW we can help you live a better life too!), won’t you join us? [Become an ADDA member today.](https://add.org/adda-membership/) We’ll see you back here tomorrow! Check the schedule to see what’s coming next right [here](https://add.org/taddtalks/). **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [Caroline Maguire on SEL for parents and families](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire-on-sel-for-parents-and-families/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this episode… We talk about the great new offering we’ve been putting together that will help you bring SEL (Social Emotional Learning) into your EVERY day in simple, fun, impactful ways. Our #HowToSEL coaching subscription series will be launching soon, so stay tuned! In the meantime, hear about what’s in the works from the creators of the series – Caroline Maguire, author and parenting expert, and myself — and the importance of SEL and what you can expect from the series.  Leave a message! [How To SEL Is Now LIVE – Subscribe Today and Start #MakingSELpartofEVERYday!](http://www.howtosel.com/) **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [Building social capital is critical for strong relationships, ADHD can get in the way](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/building-social-capital-is-critical-for-strong-relationships-adhd-can-get-in-the-way/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** A group of medical school friends nominated Sasha Hamdani to create a memory book for their pregnant classmate. Hamdani worked hard on the task for several weeks. She printed pictures, gathered mementos and listened to stories about their friend. The book — meant to be a group gift for their classmate’s baby shower — was more than 100 pages long, with items such as anatomy class doodles and fabric from a white medical coat. On the flight to the baby shower from Kansas, Hamdani realized when she was searching in her bag for her headphones that she had left the memory book behind. She felt awful. “I’m sure that half of the people here thought I never even made anything,” she recalled thinking. Hamdani, now 35, was diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder at age 9. She frequently misplaces important items, runs late or struggles with a disorganized purse — all symptoms of ADHD. She has been labeled a “flake” because she forgets social engagements or to reply to texts. People have often told her, “If it was important to you, you’d remember.” The repercussions of such missteps are an important yet underdiscussed issue for children and adults diagnosed with ADHD. While most people think of this disorder as causing difficulties with completing assignments in school or the workplace, it can also lead to a deficit in what experts call “social capital.” “Social capital is the network and goodwill that you have with other people that help you not only accomplish tasks, but also \[maintain\] important social connections,” said [Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/about/), a family coach in Massachusetts and the author of “[Why Will No One Play With Me?](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1538714833?ie=UTF8&tag=thewaspos09-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1538714833)” Once you amass social capital, you can then draw on it by asking for help when needed. Here are some reasons people with ADHD might not have much social capital to draw on, how a lack of such capital can affect them and what can be done to build social capital. ## Why children and adults with ADHD sometimes lack social capital Poorly managed ADHD. Failure to treat symptoms — such as not paying attention or being disorganized — with medication or counseling, can lead to relationship problems. For example, a person with ADHD may forget to put away their clothes or leave dirty dishes on the table, annoying their partner. Over time, this can leave their partner feeling unsupported and resentful. [The friendship checkup: How to reevaluate relationships and take steps to repair them](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/11/22/reevaluate-friendship-repair-toxic-conversation/) Even those who are being treated might skip their medication during the weekend, believing it’s unnecessary if they’re not at work or school. But weekends are when people socialize with friends or family. [Ari Tuckman](https://adultadhdbook.com/ari-tuckman/), a psychologist in Pennsylvania and the author of “[ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0367223937?ie=UTF8&tag=thewaspos09-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0367223937),” said that when people with ADHD don’t take their medication on weekends, they may experience problems in their relationships. One of Tuckman’s clients told her husband, who has ADHD, “Your co-workers get ‘Medicated Joe,’ and I get ‘Unmedicated Joe.’ ” **Trouble with social cues**. Even with the proper medication, people who have ADHD may still struggle with paying attention to social cues. “If you don’t read social cues, which a lot of ADHD kids don’t, then they might not even realize the social ramifications” of their actions, Maguire said. In social situations, people with ADHD may impulsively interrupt conversations or have trouble waiting their turn during a game. For example, if a group of children at a birthday party are all waiting patiently to hit a piñata, the child with ADHD might run up, jump to the head of the line and hit it. This might cause the other children to feel angry. [Ryan Wexelblatt](https://adhddude.com/meet-ryan-wexelblatt/), a clinical social worker in New Jersey who specializes in ADHD said that people with the disorder have trouble understanding other people’s thoughts and feelings. The partner of a person who has ADHD might consider their relationship one-sided and think, “They’re asking me for something but not really giving anything in return,” he said. This inability to invest in social relationships also leads to a lack of social capital. **Lack of face-to-face peer interactions.** Children who have ADHD might avoid in-person interactions because their difficulties with social cues lead to shallow connections. They’re often drawn to video games because of the stimulation they receive from them, Wexelblatt said. But when kids play video games or engage in other solitary activities, they aren’t spending time with peers or building relationships; instead, they’re retreating into an artificial world with superficial relationships. **Difficulty with executive-functioning skills.** Organization, planning and memory are helpful not only in school or the workplace, but also in relationships. If a person with ADHD is always late to meet a friend for lunch, then that friend could eventually feel they can’t rely on that person or they don’t value their time. “One social expectation is that you be on time. If you text me, you respond to my text,” said Maguire. If people with ADHD don’t adhere to these social norms, relationships can suffer. People with ADHD sometimes struggle with what experts call “time blindness” — when you are unaware of the passage of time. This behavior can also disrupt relationships. [When mean girls grow up: How to deal with an adult bully](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/adult-bully-advice/2021/06/03/dffb8fc8-c3c5-11eb-93f5-ee9558eecf4b_story.html) “If they’re chronically late and they don’t have a real excuse and say, ‘Oh, I was on TikTok, and I just spaced,’ ” their friends will feel upset, said [Anita Robertson](https://www.anitarobertson.com/about-me), a clinical social worker in Texas and the author of, “[ADHD & Us: A Couple’s Guide to Loving and Living With Adult ADHD](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09GDBN8PZ?ie=UTF8&tag=thewaspos09-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=B09GDBN8PZ).” **Other people’s misunderstanding of ADHD.** “ADHD is not taken seriously, and it’s looked at as a character flaw,” Wexelblatt said. That can mean that people with ADHD aren’t given the benefit of the doubt in social situations or assumed to be “flakes,” as Hamdani has been labeled. For example, if a person tells their friend with ADHD about an upcoming job interview that they are nervous about, but that friend later forgets to ask how it went, it could be misinterpreted as not caring. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Back-to-school Social Skills with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/back-to-school-social-skills-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Today, we’re talking to [Caroline Maguire](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/). Caroline is the author of “Why Will No One Play With Me?”, and an expert in ADHD, Executive Function, and Social Skills. In Today’s Episode, Caroline and I talk about the social challenges of COVID19. We discuss the need for small social interactions, the importance of clear communication when planning to socialize with others, ways to strengthen social skills weakened by COVID, and why we need to collaborate more with our kids. ### [>>> Book your free information call about the ADHD Essentials Parent Coaching Groups! <<<](https://www.adhdessentials.com/sign-up/) ### Guest Links: - [Learn more about Caroline Maguire and her work.](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/) - [Buy “Why Will No One Play With Me?”](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Will-No-One-Play/dp/1538714833/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3TAYW5IIFAWE7&keywords=why+will+no+one+play+with+me&qid=1575656183&sprefix=why+will+no%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-1) - [Visit Caroline’s Facebook Group](https://adhdessentials.podbean.com/e/episode/update/id/%20https:/www.facebook.com/CoachCarolineCM) ### ADHD Essentials Links: - [Contact Brendan](https://www.adhdessentials.com/contact-brendan/) about booking a workshop for your organization - [Join Our Facebook Community](https://www.facebook.com/groups/276287049556745/) - Learn about & Register for the [The ADHD Essentials Online Parent Coaching Groups](https://www.adhdessentials.com/parentgroups/) - Check out the [ADHD Essentials Homepage](https://www.adhdessentials.com/) - Contact Brendan at ### ADHD Rewired Podcast Network Plugs: - [ADHD reWired](https://www.adhdrewired.com/) - [Hacking Your ADHD](https://www.hackingyouradhd.com/) - [ADHD Essentials](https://www.adhdessentials.com/) **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Teaching Empathy To Children: 5 Tips From A Child Care Expert](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/teaching-empathy-to-children-5-tips-from-a-child-care-expert/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** The world as we know it is no longer the world as we knew it. What happened? It’s been a blur, but we can all commiserate. Social distancing is making us exhausted and lonely. But who is hit the hardest? Our children. Sequestering in place has made even the most accommodating families struggle to express compassion. As we all wrestle to keep our heads above water and stay connected, overwhelm can make it easy to forget that others are also suffering. Creating a culture of compassion is harder than ever yet more necessary. ## What is empathy? Empathy is the ability to truly show compassion, understand another person’s experience, and walk in someone else’s shoes. The ability to show empathy is a life skill that can be taught at any age: And the outcomes are abundantly beneficial. For example, empathetic children are less likely to bully others. Or research shows that leaders who listen to and try to understand their employees’ emotions are more successful. In addition, the lack of [emotional intelligence](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/tips-for-increasing-your-emotional-intelligence) can limit your success in the workplace. ### mindbodygreen Functional Nutrition Training Learn how to use food as medicine with a cutting-edge nutrition deep dive taught by the world’s foremost health & wellness experts. Learn more about [mindbodygreen’s Functional Nutrition Training](https://institute.mindbodygreen.com/functional-nutrition-training?itc_content=43668 "mindbodygreen's Functional Nutrition Training"). ### Why families should create a culture of empathy. When it comes to empathy, small acts can make big changes. See, small acts mean a lot because they weave empathy into the fabric of our daily lives, and these acts help children develop social-emotional skills. After all, the goal is to promote the developmental strengths and positive character of the whole child. And in a world that feels distant, [small acts of kindness](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/teach-your-kids-to-be-kind) can bring us closer. Demonstrating to children how to be compassionate is a life lesson we all need them to learn. Consider small acts of kindness you can do together. For example, is there an older neighbor who needs her walk shoveled? Is there a toy you could purchase together to give to a child in need? Empathy helps children feel connected and helps to develop their character and social-emotional growth. ### Parents have a huge role in teaching empathy. There are many ways parents can encourage empathetic behavior in their children. The role of the parent—the child’s first role model—is to encourage empathy at home, in school, and in the community through small daily acts of kindness and by creating a culture of compassion. A self-aware, respectful child is what society needs in order to build trust and a sense of belonging for everyone. Learning to manage emotions, peacefully resolve conflicts, and make responsible friends and decisions benefits everyone. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. As the most important role model in a child’s life, parents can strive to [model emotional intelligence at home](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-raise-a-child-with-resilience). Our homes should be the “safe place to fall” for every member. It is where we can each come, at the end of a long, stressful day, and be ourselves. We are loved unconditionally, and we, in turn, value and love others. With this supportive foundation, our children can go to school, sports fields, theater stages, and online chat rooms and be an emotional support to others. Not to mention the ability to empathize is more important now than ever, as social distancing may have added another effect on our population: the opportunity to conduct less-than-positive interactions behind screens. ## 5 tips to teach empathy to your child. Teaching empathy must involve not only fostering a community but also coaching children individually. Help guide your child toward a greater understanding of what kind and empathetic behavior looks like: 1. Pounce on teaching opportunities. When you witness a situation in which someone is involved in an emotional experience, appropriately and respectfully bring attention to it. This may be during or after the incident, but involve your child in conversations about another person’s experience. For example, “What do you think is going on in your friend’s life? What did you notice about her reaction to the situation?” 2. Demonstrate kindness yourself. Model listening by stopping whatever you are doing when your child comes to you. Listen intently. Don’t interrupt. Repeat back what you heard in order to ensure you understood the root of the message. Hear your child’s or partner’s perspective and step into their shoes. Even small acts like validating that remote learning is hard or that the latest shortage in cellophane tape means your partner searched in vain—acts to create a culture of empathy in the home. 3. Point out rude or disrespectful behavior. Perhaps it was your child who acted insensitively to Grandma. Collaboratively talk about your child’s behavior and ask him to interpret how his behavior made someone feel. Ask your child, “How do you think she feels when you correct her? What did you mean to do?” Model holding back sharp comments and filtering your social media retorts. Lead by example as you try to understand the perspective of others as you discuss the people in your children’s lives. 4. Model compassion. Taking out the garbage when someone has a meeting and is pressed for time, verbalizing that you understand things must be hard right now, and small acts of kindness will foster a culture of empathy. Your children are watching. Is that how you would like to be remembered. If not, work on your self-regulation and impulse control. The goal is not to be perfect. Instead, it is to show that everyone can use self-monitoring and self-work. 5. Guide; don’t preach. No one can remain intent when lectured to: Guide children to look at what another’s situation or point of view is. Dictating that they must be thoughtful and caring may have the opposite effect. Help your child step into the shoes of his peer. Ask her questions to help her reflect on others’ states of mind. “What do other people feel? What was the reaction to your behavior? What did the other people’s facial expressions tell you about their feelings?” The ability to understand other people’s emotions and respond with kindness is a life skill. To belong is to demonstrate empathy and the foundation of a nurturing society. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ### Sleep Like Before You Had Kids. Receive your FREE Parents’ Guide to Getting a Good Night’s Sleep By clicking “UNLOCK” you agree our [Terms of Use](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/terms-of-use) and [Privacy Policy](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/privacy). ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Teaching Kids Forgiveness: 5 Ways To Demonstrate The Art Of Compassion](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/teaching-kids-forgiveness-5-ways-to-demonstrate-the-art-of-compassion/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We carefully vet all products and services featured on mindbodygreen using our [commerce guidelines.](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/commerce-guidelines "mindbodygreen Commerce Guidlines") Our selections are never influenced by the commissions earned from our links. Connection is akin to love. It is one of the most vital and necessary elements of human existence. In fact, our happiness is reliant on the health of our relationships and the ability to assign meaning to our challenges. Our role as parents is to demonstrate to our children how we navigate the tough times, adapt to conflict, and ultimately come out on the other side stronger and with a better understanding of ourselves and others. The inevitable roadblocks that life throws our way are perfect opportunities to show our children how to be present, how to face challenges, and how to grow through them. By modeling forgiveness and healing, we give our children a road map to help them develop grit, perseverance, and the ability to hold our heads high during strife. Difficulties are inevitable, but the way we handle them becomes our children’s future goals and milestones. ## mindbodygreen Functional Nutrition Training Learn how to use food as medicine with a cutting-edge nutrition deep dive taught by the world’s foremost health & wellness experts. Learn more about [mindbodygreen’s Functional Nutrition Training](https://institute.mindbodygreen.com/functional-nutrition-training?itc_content=44457 "mindbodygreen's Functional Nutrition Training"). ## 5 ways to demonstrate the art of forgiveness. Going through these exercises in front of our kids helps them learn and grow and can also give you the impetus needed to do the right thing: ### 1.Choose to forgive. Forgiveness starts with a choice. It doesn’t mean condoning or not holding someone accountable. The choice to forgive means you refuse to allow someone else to control your thoughts, feelings, relationships, or actions. It is your decision, when you are ready, to take your personal power back and not allow someone else to have power over you. Talk about forgiveness with your children. Share with them your journey. By letting go of the emotional baggage grievances and hurt can create, you illustrate the gift of healing and forgiveness. ### 2.Be present. Our thoughts affect how we feel and ultimately behave. Most of our time is spent ruminating over the past or planning for the future. When we’re [in the moment](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/why-its-so-hard-to-be-present)—where life is happening now—we tune in to our thoughts and check in with ourselves. Understanding where we are allows us to thoughtfully respond and adapt. In addition, being present with the ones we love is also the best way to live life with the fewest regrets. Build time into the family schedule to be present and to connect and share, without devices and distractions. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ### 3.Practice forgiveness every day. Most of us think about forgiveness as a monumental task that relates to major upsets. In reality, forgiveness is an everyday necessity that is crucial to cultivating healthy and meaningful connections. Whether you feel a pang of discomfort from a small daily hurt or have endured a major betrayal, name it, then speak to yourself about forgiving and letting it go. Demonstrate how the act of forgiveness can help you move through the hurt, find healing, and end up physically, mentally, and emotionally strengthened. ### 4.Call on courage. It isn’t easy to let go of an offense, especially when the person who hurt you isn’t sorry, or worse, doesn’t care. Courage is the willingness and ability to face our fear and discomfort rather than resisting or avoiding it. Experts tell us that [courage is like a muscle](https://hbr.org/2020/05/how-to-find-and-practice-courage) and we can practice it to make it stronger. How? We can use [positive affirmations](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-power-of-affirmations-to-positive-outcomes) to help us reframe negative thinking and get us back on track: I am capable. I am worthy. I am enough. I choose love. ### 5.Model and learn to cope with emotions. Monkey see, monkey do. Our children look to us as models. How we cope with anger, talk about grievances, choose to forgive, and cope with daily disappointments is likely how our children will cope with them. Building our own social and emotional intelligence—the ability to identify, manage, and express our emotions in productive and healthy ways—provides our children with a path forward. It’s important that we remain aware that our children are learning from us in every situation so that we continue to rise to each occasion and offer the best version of ourselves. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ## We can’t always choose what happens to us, but we can choose how to respond. Ultimately, we want to [raise empowered children](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/best-parenting-books) who are able to thoughtfully respond to situations. It is up to us to decide when or whether we should let go of grievances while staying true to who we are. When we understand that we are strengthened by each challenge, we cultivate the courage to live life wholeheartedly and choose love over fear. It takes courage when we are beginning to understand the power of forgiveness. The fear is that we will be offering a gift to someone undeserving, that we will be condoning bad behavior or giving up our righteous position. In reality, forgiveness is simply taking our personal power back. Although forgiveness is the most effective way to reduce and move beyond the pain, it takes bravery to forgive when we are hurting. Acknowledging the discomfort and purposefully and mindfully choosing to see through to the greatness within each other will model courage and forgiveness for our children’s relationships. This article was written with Scarlett Lewis, founder of the nonprofit [Jesse Lewis Choose Love Movement](https://chooselovemovement.org/), which she created after her son’s murder in the Sandy Hook tragedy in 2012. Through it, she advocates for social-emotional learning and character education. She’s the author of [Nurturing Healing Love: A Mother’s Journey of Hope & Forgiveness](https://www.amazon.com/Nurturing-Healing-Love-Scarlett-Lewis-ebook/dp/B00EA8UEUO/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?tag=mind0a3-20), a memoir of her journey toward choosing love and forgiveness. The Movement’s Choose Love for Schools Program is a no-cost, comprehensive SEL and character development program, empowering educators and students to choose love, handle adversity, and manage their emotions. Choose Love programming is extended into homes, communities, athletics, and the workplace and has been accessed in all 50 states and 110 countries. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ### Sleep Like Before You Had Kids. Receive your FREE Parents’ Guide to Getting a Good Night’s Sleep By clicking “UNLOCK” you agree our [Terms of Use](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/terms-of-use) and [Privacy Policy](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/privacy). ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. ##### Advertisement This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [ADHD House Hacks That Are Executive Function Friendly (feat. Caroline Maguire's home!)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-house-hacks-that-are-executive-function-friendly-feat-caroline-maguires-home/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Skylight Calendar can give you peace of mind and time to enjoy the things you love by organizing your busy household! Go to [https://skylightcal.com/HOWTOADHD](https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=video_description&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbXNXVU1oLTlvMW5tNHZKbE1uSTFPSHEyRDFLZ3xBQ3Jtc0ttRGctTTNaaC1WbkdydHQyd0pkUF92bWNVckpYd0FscTFmYlAzUTE4dmJBSTBmcGZlRnVfY1hPZTdHQXlrcTVtemVqM1NhSEZHRDVtYW1tc1A1ZDMtSlRHMERKbzBqcHVscGx3RFZHYXE1RG9Hb3V4QQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fskylightcal.com%2FHOWTOADHD&v=mtpzqp_rwVw) and use my code HOWTOADHD for 10% off! Thanks, Skylight for sponsoring today’s video! **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [ADHD and Social Skills: How to Improve Your Ability to Read Social Cues and Build Connections](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-and-social-skills-how-to-improve-your-ability-to-read-social-cues-and-build-connections/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this episode, Caroline Maguire, Author of “Why will no one play with me”? talks to us about how to read the room, how to really understand what’s going on in social settings. Those of us with ADHD brain, that fast brain that can think of bazillion thoughts in seconds can get in trouble in social settings and feel awkward, or out of place or even worse it can cause us to lose a job or a business deal. We might come across as rude because we tend to interrupt too much. Or we can make people feel uncomfortable because we share too much and not to mention if we are in a middle of a story we can exhaust the listener because we have the urge to tell them all the little details of the story and not to mention we may even digress a few times because we thought of other related things to add to the story. So you get the picture! and I am sure you can relate. So how the heck do you “work a room”, “Manage a conversation?” and “win friends and influence people?” with an ADHD brain. Well, this episode will address a lot of these topics. Be sure to listen to the section where Caroline talks about friendships and the stages of friendship at the 24:00 minute mark and further goes into how to be an effective listener “be a social spy”. Get your pen and paper ready to take notes, the entire episode is full of insight and strategies About Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. Caroline founded and facilitates a comprehensive SEL training methodology (#ConnectionMatters) for adults, parents, clinicians and academic professionals on how to develop critical social, emotional and communication skills, in themselves and in others. Caroline’s book [*Why Will No One Play With Me*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)*?* is a playbook that includes foolproof scripts on how to communicate – with anyone, in any situation – and how to ensure the message registers with the recipient – no small task! Through her private practice, publications, lectures and workshops, her mission is to vanquish the devastating effects of feeling different and misunderstood. Caroline has been a resource for many journalists as well as leading ADHD organizations and can be seen in publications such as U.S. News & World Report, Huffington Post, ADDitude, Attention Magazine and WebMD. **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [ADHD and Friends: Blurting, Oversharing, and Small Talk with Social Skills Expert, Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-and-friends-blurting-oversharing-and-small-talk-with-social-skills-expert-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ## About This Episode **Tired of ADHD strategies that don’t work? Here’s what actually does. FREE training** [**here**](https://programs.tracyotsuka.com/signup)**:** [**https://programs.tracyotsuka.com/signup**](https://programs.tracyotsuka.com/signup) \_\_\_ Here’s the text formatted properly: No matter how much we learn about our ADHD, there is always somehow more to uncover. One of my personal ADHD blind spots has always been social skills; for some reason, I was convinced that I didn’t have any difficulties with social skills and had escaped this ADHD trait. That is, until social skills expert and my guest this episode, the wonderful Caroline Maguire, brought me back down to Earth when she told me the areas of social intelligence that she likes to talk about and I realized I actually struggle with every single one. Who knew! Luckily, Caroline is the founder of a revolutionary social-emotional learning methodology that helps teach social skills to children, teenagers, and young adults, so she came ready with some helpful insights on why we struggle with things like giving TMI and hating small talk and what we can do about it while remaining true to ourselves. Her work may be designed for children–her book Why Will No One Play With Me? was awarded Best Family and Parenting book of 2020–but all of her concepts and learning materials are just as applicable to adults. In her words, “It’s all the same dilemma, it’s just whether or not you’re 5 and you can’t articulate it or you’re 60 and you know darn well what’s going on.” Caroline doesn’t want us to change or hide who we are, rather, her goal is to help ADHDers of all ages learn how to be present in each moment in order to demonstrate the greatness that we all possess. **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [The Season Of Pool Lounge Chair Turf Wars Is Upon Us](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-season-of-pool-lounge-chair-turf-wars-is-upon-us/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** I’ve seen my share of [turf wars](https://www.scarymommy.com/lifestyle/airplane-window-shade-open-closed-expert-advice) over the years, but on a recent trip, I experienced it on an entirely new level: I found myself [in the middle of a kerfuffle](https://www.scarymommy.com/fights-youll-have-with-other-moms) when I unknowingly sat in someone else’s pool lounge chair. The woman had tucked her bag underneath the chair in question, out of my sight. Even though I offered to move, she insisted I purposely stole her chair. The whole encounter made me wonder if I should have done a more thorough search of the premises or if she should have reserved her chair in a more obvious manner. And why is everyone so angry about a pool lounge chair, anyway? The issue of saving poolside seats on cruise ships and at resorts will likely only worsen this year. According to an article in [Forbes](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/credit-cards/travel-rewards/survey-travel-plans-2024/), “Forty percent of Americans plan to travel more in 2024 vs. 2023.” More people traveling means that there will be fewer pool chairs available. “Over the years, we’ve seen it getting worse and worse,” says Don Bucolo, an editor at [Eat Sleep Cruise](https://eatsleepcruise.com/about/). One TikTok with the hashtag “sun bed wars” hints at how cutthroat it’s all become, playing foreboding music as people line up alongside a resort pool to reserve their seats with towels in hand. As if the issue of saving one seat for yourself wasn’t already a problem, some people save several chairs — offenders commonly referred to as [chair hogs](https://www.freep.com/story/travel/2016/02/27/what-do-lounge-chair-hogs-cruise-ships/80757388/). Eileen Gunn, a blogger at [Families Go](https://www.familiesgotravel.com/), told me about a recent encounter with one such type. “I got into an argument with a guy on an NCL cruise ship who had rolled up towels on at least six chairs with no sign that anyone was using any of them,” she explains. She moved one towel and sat down to keep an eye on her kid swimming in the pool area. The man monopolizing the chairs “came out of nowhere and insisted I move because he had put down a towel,” she says. But she held her ground. “Saving six chairs and not using any of them is ridiculous,” she says. The man ended up leaving while she stayed in the chair. ### Why are there conflicts over saved seats? It may be related to having a [scarcity mindset](https://www.scarymommy.com/parenting/growing-up-poor-scarcity-mindset-tiktok) — a feeling that there isn’t enough of something. You may have seen a similar hoarding scenario during the pandemic when everyone was buying toilet paper, which led to shortages. An article in the [Harvard Crimson](https://www.thecrimson.com/column/a-time-for-new-ideas/article/2020/5/1/gilbert-breaking-down-scarcity-mindset/) explains that this behavior stems from an evolutionary trait that helped humans find food or shelter when it was scarce. Now, some people take it to the extreme by hoarding. Irene S. Levine, a clinical psychologist and travel journalist at [More Time to Travel](https://www.moretimetotravel.com/), says there are other reasons for chair hogs, too. “People who have spent a great deal of money on a vacation — both luxury travelers and those who have saved up for a big trip — feel entitled to their lounge chairs,” Levine says. She explains that there is also the anonymity factor; no one knows who they are, so they may act differently. “People are more likely to be rule breakers away from home,” she says. Lastly, most staff don’t enforce any rules around saving chairs or hogging them. ### What is proper pool lounge chair etiquette? Ask at check-in. When checking into the resort or cruise, ask about their policy regarding saving chairs. You could also check their website. For example, the [Norwegian Cruise Line website](https://www.ncl.com/faq/guest-conduct-policy) states, “Pool, deck, and theater chairs may not be reserved.” [Carnival Cruise Line’s website](https://help.carnival.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/1121/~/reserving-sun-loungers) states, “If the chair remains unoccupied for 40 minutes, the contents are removed and held for the guest’s safekeeping.” [Royal Caribbean](https://www.royalcaribbean.com/faq/questions/can-i-reserve-pool-deck-chairs) has a similar rule but limits the time to 30 minutes. Only leave your chair for 30 minutes or less. Most places don’t have an official pool chair policy. “It’s an honor system. There’s no one really technically tracking you,” says Bucolo. He says if you need to leave your chair, you should only do so for 30 minutes or less. “To leave the chair for an extended period just isn’t appropriate,” he says. [Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/), an ADHD coach and author of the book [Why Will No One Play With Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/), agrees with Bucolo. “It’s rude to keep a chair till 5 at night that you abandoned at 11 o’clock in the morning,” she stresses. If you need to leave, \*clearly\* save your chair. Understandably, you might need to get a bite to eat, use the restroom, or swim in the pool, which means you’ll have to leave your chair at some point. If you do, make sure you mark it clearly with a towel spread over it and some personal items like a book, pool chair clips, sunscreen, or flip-flops. Even better, have someone in your family stay with the chairs while you leave. “There’s usually at least one person who’s kind of crewing the station,” says Bucolo. Don’t be a pool chair hog. “There’s an unspoken rule that you should only take so many chairs,” says Maguire. “I only take two or three chairs at most.” If you have younger children who will spend most of their time swimming in the pool, they probably don’t need a pool chair. And if the people you are reserving the chair for don’t return after 30 minutes, the polite thing to do is to give up the chair. Don’t remove someone’s belongings. If you notice an unoccupied chair for over 30 minutes, speak to a staff member. “Definitely don’t remove other people’s belongings,” says Bucolo. “Instead, flag down a crew member on the deck and let them know the situation. Then, it’s up to that crew member to make a decision.” Check out less crowded areas. If you can’t find a chair by the pool, there are probably plenty of chairs in other locations. “There are a lot of chairs midship on outdoor decks and promenade decks that have couches and are actually more comfortable furniture,” says Bucolo. This is also true in resorts, where there are chairs available further away from the pool. The bottom line? Don’t go hogwild for the pool chairs! **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [5 Ways To Maintain Your Child's Social Skills Right Now](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-ways-to-maintain-your-childs-social-skills-right-now/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Due to COVID-19, government and medical professionals are urging us to stay physically distant and avoid social gatherings of more than 10 people. Although parents are being asked to promote physical distance outside of the family, helping children develop social skills is still possible. As busy people, we don’t always make the time to connect with others in our immediate households—social distancing is the perfect time to do this, no? Social skills are life skills, and [connection to others is essential to mental and physical health](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/importance-of-friendship-in-time-of-social-distancing). Helping children feel connection is possible, even without playdates and when school is out of session. ## Mindbodygreen Functional Nutrition Training Learn how to use food as medicine with a cutting-edge nutrition deep dive taught by the world’s foremost health & wellness experts. Learn more about [mindbodygreen’s Functional Nutrition Training](https://institute.mindbodygreen.com/functional-nutrition-training?itc_content=40839 "mindbodygreen's Functional Nutrition Training"). 00:00 09:44 Follow these tried-and-true methods of engaging with your family and helping children learn essential social skills, without an electronic device: ### 1. Have meals together and make eye contact. Family meals are a time when children and adults can connect and learn to enjoy each other. Ask your child, what are your highs, and what are your lows? What are the sunny parts of your day, and what are the cloudy parts of your day? Prompt your children to make eye contact; ask them to listen to their siblings and to respond and engage in a real conversation. If children are being insensitive, you can [promote empathy](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/teach-your-kids-to-be-kind) by asking them to step into each other’s shoes and think about how the other feels. 2. Promote discussions. Creating a reciprocal back and forth conversation is a key social skill. Introduce a topic of conversation such as sports, a favorite event, or a future plan. Each time the child builds on a topic, they can add blocks or a Jenga piece or return a ping-pong serve. This gives the child a visual representation of how a conversation grows and that each comment builds on the last comment. 3. Work on being a good winner and a good loser. Being a good winner or a good loser is hard for some children. When emotions run high, they tend to get upset and storm off or gloat and brag and rub their victory in the face of others. Invite your child to select a game to play. During the game, notice your child’s body signals—these can serve as warning signs of an exaggerated emotional reaction. While in an exaggerated state, interrupt your child with a coaching cue and pause the action. Help them draw attention to their emotional state, reminding them they have the power to make a choice. Help your child connect the dots between what they’ve experienced, their body’s signals, and what they can do the next time they start to lose control. Brainstorm together to create strategies your child can use when recognizing their activation and [emotions are becoming too much](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/tool-for-teaching-kids-emotional-intelligence-and-staying-calm-at-home). 4. Work on sharing and a puzzle. Meeting people halfway, compromising, and collaborating as a team are key social skills. To teach this, take two simple jigsaw puzzles and deliberately mix up the pieces beforehand. This way, each person has one or two of the pieces that actually belong to the other person’s puzzle. Then ask your child to work on them with you. The test is to see how long it takes them to realize they’re stuck, and—without cooperating with each other—neither of you will be able to complete your puzzle. Promote asking your child to collaborate and to work together. 5. Promote reaching out. Many kids struggle to reach out to others and feel embarrassed or do not try to arrange their own socialization. Even in a time of physical distance, connecting to others and reaching out is a key skill, especially for teenagers. Help your child text, FaceTime, or call peers and grandparents. Help your child decide who they want to reach out to, what to say, and how to do it. As adults, we have to plan our own social interactions, and this is a life skill. If your kids are anxious or confused about the global pandemic, here are a [few ways you can talk to them](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-coronavirus) and help [calm their anxiety](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/dealing-with-stress-in-age-of-covid-19-cdcs-recommendation). **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Unmasking in Friendship: Making Friends as Your Authenic self as an Adult wiht ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/unmasking-in-friendship-making-friends-as-your-authenic-self-as-an-adult-wiht-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Today’s TADD Talk features Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., exploring “Unmasking In Friendship: Making Friends as Your Authentic Self as an Adult With ADHD.” 💡 Liked what you heard? There’s plenty more where that came from – learn more about Carolines’s work here: Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., is an award winning author, coach, teacher, and keynote speaker whose work inspires conversations about social skills, friendship, and belonging. She has supported thousands struggling to make friends, speaks worldwide, and wrote Why Will No One Play With Me? Her next book, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults, releases April 2026. Visit her website at [carolinemaguireauthor.com](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) Caroline’s Free Gift: As part of Caroline’s talk, “Unmasking Friendship,” she is offering a free questionnaire designed specifically for adults with ADHD. This insightful questionnaire explores how much you mask your true self, your vulnerability to masking, and the circumstances that might cause you to hide more. It also prompts you to reflect on the potential consequences of unmasking and the strategies you use to mask. By participating, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of your masking habits and how they impact your relationships and well-being. Take this opportunity to start uncovering your authentic self and foster genuine connections. [Get it here.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/unmasking-friendship-free-gift) Follow Caroline on Social Media: [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/anitarobertsonlcsw/) [X](https://twitter.com/AuthorCarolineM) [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/) [LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinem/) [Tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/@authorcarolinem) **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [5 Things ADHD Adults Can Do To Connect Better](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/5-things-adhd-adults-can-do-to-connect-better/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’ve got an excellent “TADD” Talk for you today! As part of ADHD Awareness Month and our special activities, ADDA has created TADD Talks, where we’ll be Talking about ADD every day the entire month of October! In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire, discusses “5 Things ADHD Adults Can Do to Connect Better” Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC., is a leader in the field social skills development. She guides parents, clinicians and academic professionals to recognize and address the challenges associated with executive functioning and social isolation. She is the author of Why Will No One Play With Me. Caroline earned her undergraduate degree from Trinity College and her Masters of Education and Early Childhood Development from Lesley University. She is also a graduate of the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) and the founder and director of an ADDCA new training curriculum, The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families – the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). In addition to her private practice, Caroline also speaks at various venues throughout the world on topics related to coaching children and adults with ADHD, LD, or social skills challenges. She is a favored contributor to U.S. News & World Report, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude, Attention Magazine and WebMD and is as sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator. Please join her on Facebook, Instagram, Linked In, Twitter, Medium, Pinterest and download her free video “How to Tell a Tighter Story,” for people that ramble at We’ll see you back here tomorrow! [Register for daily or weekly TADD Talks sent straight to your inbox.](https://add.org/taddtalks2020/) **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [Why Will No One Play With Me? with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-will-no-one-play-with-me-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Another lovely conversation that was had before we experienced a global pandemic. The topic of social-emotional intelligence and social skills challenges is even more important today. Have a listen and let me know your thoughts or questions. Once you’ve listened, share your takeaways or ask questions [in your dedicated FB podcast group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/theartofparentingpodcast/). ## What We Talked About - 3 red flags to watch for when wondering about your child’s social skills - How to help children develop positive social skills - ADHD and Level One Autism - Family dinners together are the foundation for social-emotional learning - Giving emotional language from the very beginning - I spy games with emotions - How gadgets and phones are the way we interact and what to do about it - The importance of modeling getting out of our comfort zone - When in doubt go with your gut ## Things to Remember “Our job is to get them ready for the world” “We have to help them have positive relationships and choices in life.” “If your gut tells you something is the matter. It is.” – Caroline Maguire ## Additional Resources Caroline Maguire’s book[ Why Will No One Play with Me?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive.](https://amzn.to/3P1xrzE) [EP 28: Family Meals Matter. With Katie Kimball](https://voilamontessori.com/28-family-meals-matters-katie-kimball/) ### [Get my FREE 50+ Confident Boosting Activities for Young Children](https://voilamontessori.com/chores-activities-for-young-children/) ## Let’s Continue the conversation… I want to hear from you. Be sure to join our dedicated Facebook group. Click here to join [The Art of Parenting with Jeanne-Marie Paynel, M. Ed. Private Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/groups/theartofparentingpodcast/)group and let’s continue these wonderful conversations there. Come share your successes and challenges and get your parenting questions answered. Now, Caroline and I want to know from you! Do you worry about if your child is able to make friends easily? Remember The Art of Parenting was created for you, if you have any suggestions for experts I should have on the show or parenting questions you want to be answered please fill out the form below. [Click here to submit your parenting questions.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfgkftpkkmRvwRSR45mzcEnZ5vZATIFkK4YyvsAzrDY7TzsSA/viewform?usp=sf_link) ## More About my Guest Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, is a top expert in the field of social skills development for children, teens, and young adults who struggle socially and the families who support them. She is the founder of a new training curriculum, The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families, at the ADD Coaching Academy; the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation. Ms. Maguire guides parents, clinicians, and academic professionals to recognize and address the challenges associated with executive function and social isolation challenges. Ms. Maguire funnels her decades of expertise into Why Will No One Play With Me, her book, and her training methodology that has sparked a revolution in our understanding of the importance of social skills in all children. She is a favored contributor to journalists for publications including U.S. News & World Report, Mind Body Green, Salon, Huffington Post, Today Parenting, ADDitude, Attention Magazine, and WebMD and is a sought-after lecturer and workshop facilitator. - Website: [Caroline Maguire: Connections Matters](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) - Facebook: [@CoachCarolineCM](https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM) - Instagram: [@authorcarolinem](https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/) - TikTok: [authorcarolinem](https://www.tiktok.com/@authorcarolinem) **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [4 Little Words to Solve Any Social Dilemma: Who is my Audience?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/4-little-words-to-solve-any-social-dilemma-who-is-my-audience/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’ve got an excellent “TADD” Talk for you today! As part of ADHD Awareness Month and our special activities, ADDA has created TADD Talks, where we’ll be **T**alking about **ADD** every day the entire month of October! In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire discusses “**4 Little Words To Solve Any Social Dilemma: Who Is My Audience?**” Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. is a personal coach who works with children with ADHD and the families who support them. Caroline earned her ACCG from the ADD Coach Academy and her PCC from the International Coach Federation (ICF). She also received a Master of Education from Lesley University. Her revolutionary coaching program and methodology helps teach executive function skills to children, teenagers, and young adults. Find her on the web at [CarolineMaguireAuthor.com](http://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) We’ll see you back here tomorrow! Check the schedule to see what’s coming next right [here](https://add.org/taddtalks2018/). If you enjoyed this TADD Talk, please consider supporting ADDA by making a donation. **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [Why Will No One Play With Me? Teaching Parents To Become Their Child's Social Skill Coach](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-will-no-one-play-with-me-teaching-parents-to-become-their-childs-social-skill-coach/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’ve got an excellent “TADD” Talk for you today! As part of ADHD Awareness Month and our special activities, ADDA has created TADD Talks, where we’ll be Talking about ADD every day the entire month of October! In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire, discusses “Why Will No One Play With Me? Teaching Parents to Become Their Child’s Social Skills Coach.” Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. is a personal coach who works with children who struggle socially and the families who support them. She is the founder of a new training curriculum at the ADD Coaching Academy; the only Coach Training program accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Caroline completed the clinical training program (Level 1A) at Social Thinking. She also received a Master of Education from Lesley University. Her groundbreaking book Why Will No One Play With Me? will be in stores in September 2019 and is the number one new release in School Age Parenting on Amazon. We’ll see you back here tomorrow! [Register for daily or weekly TADD Talks sent straight to your inbox.](https://add.org/taddtalks2019/) [d](https://add.org/webinars072098072310/TADD2019/MaguireTADD2019.mp3 "download: MaguireTADD2019") If you enjoyed this TADD Talk, please consider supporting ADDA by [making a donation](http://bit.ly/tadd2018). **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [Why Will No One Play With Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** # Discover insights on why no one will play with your child and explore effective strategies for building social skills in children Does your child have big emotional blow-ups in social situations? Are they a wallflower who doesn’t know how to make friends? Do they struggle to understand when it’s appropriate to interrupt, tell the truth, and follow the rules vs. let things go. I’ve been interested in neurodivergence for a while – I’m hoping to do an episode soon on parenting with ADHD, and in the course of research for that a parent in the Parenting Membership recommended the book Why Will No-One Play With Me. The book is designed to help parents teach their children social skills – and I do think it has some useful ideas in it, but there are some pretty big caveats. This episode takes a look at the broader set of research on teaching children social skills to ask whether we CAN do it, and if we can, whether we SHOULD do it, and if we should, what kinds of tools should we use? The popular Social Stories method? Role plays? Peer coaching? ## This episode answers questions like: - What types of teaching are likely to be beneficial? - How can we teach social skills to Autistic children and children with ADHD, as well as neurotypical children? - What are the potential later-life impacts of lagging social skills (and do what we miss when we look at it from this perspective)? - At what age range is teaching social skills is most likely to succeed? - How can we knowwhetherwe should teach a child social skills? #### Other episodes mentioned: - [175: I’ll be me; can you be you?](https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/me/) - [075: Should we Go Ahead and Heap Rewards On Our Kid?](https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/rewards/) - [061: Can Growth Mindset live up to the hype?](https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/growthmindset/) ### #### Jump to highlights: 00:52 Introducing the topic for this episode 02:59 Social skills programs show small, temporary effects and are more effective when led by experts, with mixed results for neurodivergent children. 09:38 Programs to teach social skills often try to change how neurodivergent kids act and they don’t always work well. 24:01 Dr. Carol Gray’s Social Stories ™ help children, especially those with autism, understand social situations without directly aiming to change their behavior. 28:59 Terra Vance’s adaptations of Social Stories ™ highlight how they sometimes fail to address children’s real experiences and emotions. 33:28 Research on parent-led interventions for children with ADHD and autism vary in effectiveness. 43:24 The book “Why Will No One Play With Me” doesn’t provide specific references to support its ideas, making it unclear if they’re based on research or opinion. 46:30 Teaching social skills includes managing emotions, understanding social norms, and practicing simulations for better responses. 50:49 The “Play Better Bridge to Betterment” model in Why Will No One Play With Me categorizes children’s readiness for change into stages: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. It emphasizes that children may need support to recognize and modify behaviors. 53:10 Caroline Maguire’s approach in “Why Will No One Play With Me” mirrors problem-solving methods, yet it prioritizes a reward system over understanding children’s underlying needs. 55:02 Maguire’s method in “Why Will No One Play With Me” uses rewards to shape children’s behavior, raising concerns about parental control and consent in interactions with their children. 56:46 Maguire’s book concludes with exercises aimed at understanding social interactions and unspoken rules, but it raises concerns about imposing norms without considering individual needs and communication styles. 01:02:41 Maguire’s book discusses challenges with school communication norms favoring concise storytelling, which often align with White communication styles. 01:06:11 Social skills training often overlooks children’s consent and preferences, focusing instead on adult-determined goals, which may affect trust and authenticity in social interactions. ### References Autistically Alex (2019, April 1). Autism Speaks… Blog post. Author. Retrieved from: [https://autisticallyalex.com/2019/04/01/autisticorganizations/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR10yNr3UglHOUWRGWJMfp\_uMpyxpfAtXMw99wSyTgMg8BvBmFSoaPko7iE\_aem\_AU39ONZlb1\_LzKuEMMXqgiicT3Vb-tICXVSQowCO3RsQvHAmymztsPxNO0P7mN8voYq6oFbq5Ji0aN19xc6ddW0Z](https://autisticallyalex.com/2019/04/01/autisticorganizations/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR10yNr3UglHOUWRGWJMfp_uMpyxpfAtXMw99wSyTgMg8BvBmFSoaPko7iE_aem_AU39ONZlb1_LzKuEMMXqgiicT3Vb-tICXVSQowCO3RsQvHAmymztsPxNO0P7mN8voYq6oFbq5Ji0aN19xc6ddW0Z) --- Beelmann, A., & Losel, F. (2021). A comprehensive meta-analysis of randomized evaluations of the effect of child social skills training on antisocial development. Journal of Developmental and Life-Course Criminology (7), 41-65. --- Capodeci, A., Rivetti, T., & Cornoldi, C. (2019). A cooperative learning classroom intervention for increasing peers’ acceptance of children with ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders 23(3), 282-292. --- Chan, J., Lang, R., Rispoli, M., O’Reilly, M., Sigafoos, J., & Cole, H. (2009). Use of peer-mediated interventions in the treatment of autism spectrum disorders: A systematic review. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders 3(4), 876-889. --- de Mooij, B., Fekkes, M., Scholte, R.H.J., & Overbeek, G. (2020). Effective components of social skills training programs for children and adolescents in nonclinical samples: A multilevel meta-analysis. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review 23: 250-264.sorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 42, 1895-1905. --- Dekker, V., Nauta, M. H., Timmerman, M. E., Mulder, E. J., van der Veen-Mulders, L., van den Hoofdakker, B. J., … & de Bildt, A. (2019). Social skills group training in children with autism spectrum disorder: a randomized controlled trial. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry 28, 415-424. --- Dogan, R.K., King, M.L., Fischetti, A.T., Lake, C.M., Mathews, T.L., & Warzak, W.J. (2017). Parent-implemented behavioral skills training of social skills. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis 50, 805-818. --- Find Yaser (2016, April 20). I am Autism commercial by Autism Speaks. Autism Speaks. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=9UgLnWJFGHQ --- Haack, L.M., Villodas, M., McBurnett, K., Hinshaw, S., & Pfiffner, L.J. (2017). Parenting as a mechanism of change in psychosocial treatment for youth with ADHD, predominantly Inattentive presentation. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 45(5), 841-855. --- Kasari, C., Rotehram-Fuller, E. Locke, J., & Gulsrud, A. (2011). Making the connection: Randomized controlled trial of social skills at school for children with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 53(4), 431-439. --- Locke, J., Rotheram-Fuller, E., & Kasari, C. (2012). Exploring the social impact of being a typical peer model for included children with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 42, 1985-1905. --- Mathews, T.L., Erkfritz-Gay, K., Knight, J., Lancaster, B.M., & Kupzyk, K.A. (2013). The effects of social skills training on children with Autism Spectrum Disorders and Disruptive Behavior Disorders. Children’s Health Care 42: 311-332. --- Meadan, H., Ostrosky, M.M., Zaghlawan, H.Y., & Yu, SY. (2009). Promoting the social and communicative behavior of young children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Topics in Early Childhood Speical Education 29(2), 90-104. --- Milne, C.M., Leaf, J.B., Cihon, J.H., Ferguson, J.L., McEachin, J., & Leaf, R. (2020). What is the proof now? An updated methodological review of research on social stories. Education and Training in Autism and Developmental Disabilities 55(3), 264-276. --- Morris, S., Sheen, J., Ling, M., Foley, D., & Sciberras, E. (2021). Interventions for adolescents with ADHD to improve peer social functioning: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Attention Disorders 25(10), 1479-1496. --- National Center for Education Statistics (2020). Race and ethnicity of public school teachers and their students. Author. Retrieved from: --- Newby, R.F., Discher, M., & Roman, M.A. (1991). Parent training for families of children with ADHD. School Psychology Review 20(2), 252-265. --- Nordby, E.S., Guribye, F., Nordgreen, T., & Lundervold, A.J. (2023). Silver linings of ADHD: A thematic analysis of adults’ positive experiences with living with ADHD. BMN Open 13(10): e072052. --- Pfiffner, L.J., Mikami, A.Y., Huang-Pollock, C., Easterlin, B., Zalecki, C., & McBurnett, K. (2007). A randomized, controlled trial of integrated home-school behavioral treatment for ADHD, predominantly Inattentive style. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry 46(8), 1041-1050. --- Schramm, S.A., Hennig, T., & Linderkamp, F. (2016). Training problem-solving and organizational skills in adolescents with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Cognitive Education and Psychology 15(3), 391-411. --- Stewart, K.K., Carr, J.E., & LeBlanc, Linda A. (2007). Evaluation of family-implemented behavioral skills training for teaching social skills to a child with Asperger’s Disorder. Clinical Case Studies 6(3), 252-262. --- Storebo, O.J., Gluud, C., Winkel, P., & Simonsen, E. (2012). Social-skills and parental training plus standard treatment versus standard treatment for children with ADHD – The randomized SOSTRA trial. PLoS One 7(6), e37280. --- Storebø OJ, Elmose Andersen M, Skoog M, Joost Hansen S, Simonsen E, Pedersen N, Tendal B, Callesen HE, Faltinsen E, Gluud C. Social skills training for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children aged 5 to 18 years. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2019, Issue 6. Art. No.: CD008223 --- Vance, T. (2020, December 4). Social Stories for Autism and the harm they can cause. Blog post. Neuroclastic. Retrieved from: [https://neuroclastic.com/social-stories-for-autism/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR2CsSDrXGEGnKU-UOkDmGrziEFZZ0xRvDfQ9rIKYBzdk5tuZnq9lVCsXpM\_aem\_AU1ZF-3Kywuop5TXQbTRBIQD3UUBS7hGRY8Ik72rirtuw0ZLxIPGxMQyW4a3cXCRY5T9P5EZQxbzrlwwCvYOiJbp](https://neuroclastic.com/social-stories-for-autism/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR2CsSDrXGEGnKU-UOkDmGrziEFZZ0xRvDfQ9rIKYBzdk5tuZnq9lVCsXpM_aem_AU1ZF-3Kywuop5TXQbTRBIQD3UUBS7hGRY8Ik72rirtuw0ZLxIPGxMQyW4a3cXCRY5T9P5EZQxbzrlwwCvYOiJbp) **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Why Teaching Your Child Empathy Builds Their Social Skill](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-teaching-your-child-empathy-builds-their-social-skill/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Empathy, or the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and express genuine concern and/or interest about their feelings or life circumstance, is a key factor behind general human decency. So says [Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D.](https://www.drhallowell.com/meet-dr-hallowell/biography/), a board-certified child, adult psychiatrist and thought [leader](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/leadership "Psychology Today looks at leader") who founded The Hallowell Centers in Boston MetroWest, New York City, San Francisco, and Seattle. “Empathy is the cornerstone of civilization, if you will,” he says. “It’s what separates us from being selfish beasts so that we instead care about—and take into account—the feelings of another person.” For a child to grow up with these desirable attributes, however, doesn’t come naturally. Dr. Hallowell explains that selfish behaviors, on the other hand, do. “Selfish behaviors come naturally,” he says. “Empathy takes practice.” The good news for parents seeking to raise [empathetic](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/empathy "Psychology Today looks at empathetic") children—and in turn, children with strong social skills – is that empathy can be learned. [Caroline Maguire](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/about), author of [Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me) and an [executive functioning](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/executive-function "Psychology Today looks at executive functioning") coach based in Concord, Massachusetts, agrees. “All kids can say rude and hurtful things,” she says, “but one of the biggest things I like to [stress](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/stress "Psychology Today looks at stress") with empathy is that understanding other people’s emotions can be taught.” Maguire adds that this is also true of children who may struggle to pick up on cues and emotions such as those with [ADHD](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/adhd "Psychology Today looks at ADHD") or [autism](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/autism "Psychology Today looks at autism"). “There is strong evidence that empathy plays an active part of social exchanges,” she says, calling empathy “imperative” when it comes to developing a child’s social skills. ### 4 Ways to Teach Empathy to Children Teaching empathy to children requires teaching, guiding, and practicing skills and strategies. There may also be some children who struggle to read social cues, or who have executive functioning challenges, which can make it difficult to fine-tune their social skills. However, there are many ways to teach empathy to children. Here’s a look at four common ones: #### 1. Express Genuine Concern Through Questions “Offer kids a buffet of choices,” Maguire suggests. Instead of interrogating your child if they offer a one-word response, she advises engaging with them by asking questions. This shows them that you’re trying to understand their feelings. Besides, she says that this can open up doors in conversations, so the child may become more inclined to elaborate. In Why Will No One Play with Me? she writes that it’s important to consider your tone and the future relationship you’d like to have. “You want to create the experience of being a conversational family, a conversational partner, so your child knows: In this family, we talk about things that matter to us. We care about each other and we’re respectful, honest, and supportive in our conversation,” she writes. #### 2. Model Empathy “One way for a child to learn empathy is to see it in action,” says Dr. Hallowell, who is also the host of the popular [Distraction podcast](https://www.distractionpodcast.com/category/episodes/). He explains that when parents interact with each other in ways that demonstrate caring behaviors, children notice. Doing something because it’s important to someone else or because it matters to them—speaking, showing, and modeling empathetic behaviors, rather than merely thinking about it—is important. Maguire agrees. “We have to not just talk about it, but live it,” she says. #### 3. Ask Children to Think of Others If your child is quick to put another child down, don’t just laugh it off or brush it aside. Dr. Hallowell suggests asking your child, “How do you think that makes the other person feel?” or “Did you like it when you were called those words?” Doing so emphasizes the need for children to put themselves in other people’s shoes, calling [attention](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attention "Psychology Today looks at attention") to those moments when someone may have made them feel bad. #### 4. Don’t Send Conflicting Messages Resist sending conflicting messages of empathy and [shame](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/shame "Psychology Today looks at shame"). Maguire says she’s familiar with some school settings that have kindness circles as well as a wall of shame. This dichotomy can be confusing to children, she says. On one hand, practicing kindness is encouraged. On the other hand, there’s a focus on just the opposite – making others feel shame. “Children in such environments may live in [fear](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fear "Psychology Today looks at fear") and feel conflicted,” Maguire explains. “We have to help children.” ## Benefits of Teaching Empathy to Children A child who does not develop empathy can become a “selfish, [narcissistic](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism "Psychology Today looks at narcissistic"), boorish, and unattractive” person, Dr. Hallowell states. But, he says that there’s hope in the fact that “you can – and should – train empathy.” Additionally, Maguire adds that a child who isn’t taught about empathy may experience challenges when trying to be part of a community, saying that they may become alienated at a young age. “Children who learn the ability to be empathetic are less likely to [bully](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/bullying "Psychology Today looks at bully") others, more likely to fit in a group, and to gain the social-[emotional intelligence](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-intelligence "Psychology Today looks at emotional intelligence") which leads to greater goal achievements,” Maguire explains. **Media Taxonomies:** Psychology Today --- ### [390: Coach Caroline answers the question: 'Why will no one play with me?'](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/390-coach-caroline-answers-the-question-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** ADHD Coach Caroline Maguire is back! She’s a coach, author, teacher, and speaker with a special focus in social skills supporting kids — and parents of kids — with ADHD. She’s just about to celebrate the release of her new book, *Why Will No One Play with Me?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive* and we’re thrilled she came back to share the story of the book, and why social skills are so critical for kids and adults alike in healthy development. Her book is scheduled for launch in September, but follow the links below to be notified of availability. **Links & Notes** [Thank you for supporting The ADHD Podcast on Patreon!](https://patreon.com/theadhdpodcast) - [*Why Will No One Play with Me?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive* by Caroline Maguire](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Will-No-One-Play-ebook/dp/B07M77WS46/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?qid=1548861448&sr=8-1&tag=rashpixelfm-20&_encoding=UTF8). - [Learn more about Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) - [Caroline Maguire on Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/CoachCarolineCM/) --- ### **Episode Transcript** **Brought to you by** [**The ADHD Podcast Community on Patreon**](https://patreon.com/theadhdpodcast) Pete: Hello, everybody, and welcome to “Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast” on rashpixel.fm. I’m Pete Wright, and right there is Nikki Kinzer. Nikki: Hello, everyone. Hello, Pete. Pete: Hi, Nikki. Nikki: How are you? Pete: Well, I’m good. I’m actually relieved. We were talking before the show. The “Game of Thrones” is over as we record this. It just ended last night. And I am relieved not in any way related to the show itself, but just the fact that it’s over and we can move on to some new hysteria. That’s what I’m excited about. It’s over. It’s done. Nikki: It’s over. It’s done. Pete: Our collective consciousness can move on. Nikki: Yes. Pete: And I’m very excited about that because maybe our collective consciousness will move from “Game of Thrones” to the new book that is written by our guest today. What do you think the odds are of that? Are there dragons in the new book? That’s the real question that we have. Caroline: No, there’s no dragon. Pete: There’s no dragons, okay. Well… Caroline: I did…I’m not sure I can keep with that. Pete: All right. Well, we’ll do our best. Before we actually start in that conversation, head over to takecontroladhd.com, get to know us a little bit better. You can listen to the show there on the website or subscribe to the mailing list and we’ll send you an email each time a new episode is released. You can connect with us on Twitter or Facebook @takecontroladhd, and if this show has ever touched you or helped you make change in your life for the better, we sure would appreciate it if you would consider supporting us with your hard-earned dollars over at patreon.com/theadhdpodcast. That supports that cost of production of the show. It supports our cost in investing in travel and new equipment. And, you know, one little nugget of things that it supports is transcripts of the show. We’re able to start doing transcripts, full transcripts of every episode beginning a couple of months ago. So now, if you go to takecontroladhd.com and look at one of the recent episodes of the podcast, you will be able to scroll down and just keep scrolling. Just keep scrolling because it’s long. These posts are long. But they’re right there on the website, takecontroladhd.com. You can find the podcast and the transcript on this in the same place. Just click on Podcast, you’ll find it. And so, that comes thanks to the support of our generous, generous members at patreon.com/theadhdpodcast. Get access to the discord chat server, which is where people are chatting right now, an incredible community of folks living with ADHD and supporting one another as well. You’ll also get access to the live stream of this very podcast recording. You can see it as it happens and all the “Game of Thrones” talk that happens before the show. How would you wanna miss that? It’s hot stuff and that happens. Thanks to your support as well. So thank you, everybody, for supporting us and we hope you’ll consider doing that in the future if you haven’t yet. Okay, on to the main business. Caroline Maguire is back. She’s a coach, author, teacher, and speaker with a special focus in social skills supporting kids and parents of kids with ADHD. The last time she was here, we talked all about social skills and she’s back today to talk about her upcoming book, “Why Will No One Play with Me? The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive.” Caroline Maguire, welcome back to “The ADHD Podcast.” Caroline: Thank you so much for having me. I wanted to talk to your audience and sort of get ahead of the madness this fall when the book comes out and just also give people a little bit of a preview and let them know what’s coming and a little bit of hope, too. They’re having a hard time this month. A lot of teacher calls coming home don’t always makes for a great May. Pete: Truly. Nikki: Any month. I had a period in my life where anytime the phone ring and it was the school and it said the public schools, I was just like, “Oh, what am I getting into? Do I wanna answer this call?” I don’t know. Pete: Do you put it in your phone? Do you put it in your address book just so you know when not to answer the call? I do that. It’s terrible. Nikki: Well, it just comes up on caller ID. So, I can see that it says the public school district, and it…yeah. Pete: You just… Nikki: Rarely is it really a good thing. Pete: Right. You may need to strategize. Listen to the voicemail. Give yourself some time to breathe. Like, you can’t just pick up that call. That doesn’t make for a good experience. Caroline: No, no. Nikki: Well, welcome, Caroline. It’s so good to have you back and I definitely want us to dig in and talk a little bit about the…well, a lot about the book, actually. I definitely want us to give you or have you give our audience a preview. But I am curious, before we dig into that, how did you come up with the title of the book? Caroline: So, the tittle’s actually interesting. So, 15 years ago, when I had this idea, I was working with a little boy and I asked him some kind of coaching question. We’re working on reading logs. Well, any of you who ever had an ADHD child know that they don’t fill up the reading log. They might actually read the book, but they don’t wanna fill up the log. And we were having some discussion. He was a little, little boy, like, seven, about, you know, why we need to do the reading log, why did he…what’s hard about it kinda thing. I asked some question, like, you know, “If you could change anything, what would you change?” And I’m thinking we’re talking about reading logs. And he just looked at me and he said, “I would like to know why no one plays with me.” And I had already sort of been really struck by how much social skills was affecting my clients and the parents. And nobody had play dates and people aren’t asked back, and the parents have no social life then because nobody’s playing with their kid. And it just, like, rang in my head. And so when I was doing my master’s thesis, I told the professors the story and we were looking at titles. And one of my professors who’s a really amazing woman from Lesley said, “This is the one you should pick. This says it all.” And so, I have been referring this whole thing that way ever since and really always thinking of the kids I work with who often really wanna know why no one plays with them. Why don’t they have friends? Why don’t people approach them? Nikki: What’s the age group then that we’re looking at that you’re targeting for this book? Is it younger kids or does it matter? Caroline: Every kid. So, one thing that they changed because I’ve used these methods with everyone from 5 to 25 and there’s such tremendous demand for this that the methods can be aged up and aged down. And so, it’s really…you know, as you know, it’s the ability to have a dialogue and we use questions. So, anybody from 5 to 25, I would say, probably next book will be more focused on teenagers and young adults. But for now, I know that parents are desperate for a resource. And the other thing I should know is it is not just for ADHD kids or kids on a spectrum. This can be used with any kid, shy kids, introverts, kids who’ve moved to often and therefore, don’t have any friends. Nikki: That’s good to know because, you know, now that I’m looking at the title, it actually doesn’t specifically say ADHD. Caroline: No. It’s really not an ADHD book only. It’s really that I passed to these methods with our people, right? And then, it applies and I’ve been using it, and I now have clients who are neurotypical. They’re just shy. You know, they are introverted. They can focus. It’s, like, really amazing. \[inaudible 00:07:42\]. I ask them to do stuff and they do it. It’s strange. But the ADHD kids are obviously my people. I love them. But there’s just tremendous need. And also, we have to remember that because of stigma, a lot of people don’t get a diagnosis. So, whether we agree or disagree with that, that’s a fact. So, we have a huge population of people who are sort of going toward our ADHD materials, but they are not seeking a formal diagnosis. Nikki: Very true. I see that are actually a lot more recently when I will talk to people, clients, or people who are interested in my groups and they’ll say that they’ve never actually been formally diagnosed, but they feel like that’s their tribe, that they get it. So, it is an interesting trend for sure. So, is the book then for parents to read? Is it for parents to read with their children? How do you want this read to people? Caroline: So, this book is for parents. The book is to teach parents how to coach their kid. It’s all the stuff we use professionals know that, you know, if you look at social skills curriculums, if you look at most books about this stuff, they’re, like, unintelligible. They’re really…you need a master’s. You need a PhD. They’re jargon. And my famous story is that my husband who once came to my office and I said, “You know, if I died and our kids needed this, wouldn’t you take one of these and try to figure it out?” And he opened the book and he’s like, “This is unintelligible, no.” He says, “I will never figure this out.” And so, the whole thing has taken me 15 years. Why it’s taken so long is that I take in all of this in material and I translated it into very user-friendly materials so that any parent with any level of education can open this book and say, “Okay, what do I do?” And it has a lot of prescriptive elements. So, it’s like, you know, Whole30. There’s gonna be, like…but what happens is kind of sidebar so that if you’re working through this and you’re, like, “My kid won’t even have talk with me,” there’s a little sidebar when your kid has disappearing acts and will not even speak with you. How do you get into this? Nikki: Okay. So, what are we going to learn? If your child comes up and says, “Why will no one play with me,” how would you approach that? What are we gonna learn from this book? Caroline: So, I think one of the biggest thing is that we have to kind of…the front half of the book is all about executive functions, social skills, and why not to wait it. A lot of parents wait and see. But, you know, if the kid could do well, they would do well. So, a big piece of the front half of the book is really talking about that element of, you know, why aren’t they taking this up kind of intuitively, and then how do you move forward from there? Because I think parent…it’s a very touchy issue. It’s a very hard issue. A ton of grandparents actually come up to me and attend my talks because they had that kid who never got help. And now, they’re seeing it repeated with grandchildren, and they don’t want this for their kids and for their grandkids. So, I think the first thing you’re gonna learn is, like, why. Why does all this go on? And then, the next thing is that, and you guys probably hear this in the work you do, everybody has a story they kind of tell themselves. And a lot of these kids have a story, whether it’s “When I’m hungry and tired, it’s okay for me to be rude.” “If I don’t like somebody, I have to tell them. Otherwise, I’m inauthentic.” You know, all those ADD stories, I’m finding they’re really true for all kids who have social struggles. Like, a lot of the things we talk about and we hear from our clients, I hear from people even if they’re not ADHD. And that’s another big piece because if you don’t have the right mindset, then you’re not gonna try to get better because you’re like, “Hey, people should come to me. I’m not gonna go to people.” Well, no. That’s not how it works. So, that’s a huge piece that parents are gonna get. And that goes along with why the kids resist help, why the teens, why do adults, right, is a lot of that story piece where we say, “Oh, you know, I’m good the way I am.” And you have sort of those deflector shields off, and don’t even try. And that’s rare. That’s not something that happens with everything in life. It’s really very germane to like these social and tough issues. Pete: I can’t listen to you talk about this and not, like, supplant all of these things or just remove all of the age-specificity to it. Everything you are saying is something I can hear in an adult ADHD brain, an adult ADHD mouth, an ADHD parent with an ADHD kid. That’s like, you know, welcome to Tuesday and trying to still figure out social skills as a 40-something, you know. Caroline: Well, and I give talks that ADA and other groups for adults, and I attend adult social skills groups and they’re using my material at Mass. General. So, you know, it’s like I’m gonna just take this. And I do work with many young adults. I have so many millennials right now. It’s like crazy. And they’re all saying these stories. They’re clearer about their story than a five-year-old, but they’re, you know, \[crosstalk 00:13:20\]… Pete: But then maybe sometimes they’re not. Caroline: They’re \[inaudible 00:13:22\]. I swear, I had a five-year-old one day at, like, 3:00 say to me, “Look, I just want things the way that I want them.” At, like, 7:00 at night, a young adult said to me, “Look, I like things the way I like it and that’s just it, Caroline.” And I was like, “You two are the same.” Pete: Yeah. That’s it. Nikki: So, I just wanna be clear. So, in the book then, the first part is talking about the executive functions and giving parents and whoever is reading the book an explanation, what’s going on, this is why this is happening, almost normalizing it, I would assume, right, that, you know, you’re not strange. There’s a reason for all of these. Now, the second piece you were talking about was the stories that we tell. So in the book, are you then giving tools like coaching questions then for a parent to approach their child so that they begin to understand the stories? Like, I can see as an adult. I get what you’re saying. But do the young kids or even, like, with pain, the 25-year-olds, I mean, do they really understand what these stories are and how it affects them? Caroline: Yeah. I have many exercises in that chapter about how do you ask about a story, how to detect a story, how to even just hear the things that your young person or kid is saying and understand that that’s a story, right? So giving people, you know, just that context of, you know, when someone says this, someone says, “I like it the way I like it,” that’s a story. And then, one of the chapters that’s really bridging between sort of the what happens for people and how do you fix this is a chapter called “Eight Habits of Highly Effective Social Skills Focus.” And the idea is that we teach people how to ask the open questions of coaching so that instead of saying, “You always talk about this story. You never are open to anything.” We’re teaching parents to ask questions. And I’ve been doing this for years so I know that parents can learn even to ask simple question like, “How come?” so that kids will tell them. And, you know, what’s amazing is because our population is so smart, we are…like, I have kids who are fully willing to explain to me why they think they’re right, why the story is okay, you know. Like, they’re willing to tell me all of it if you just ask a question. So, that’s the real bridge, is that then their parents are gonna start to learn how to have that coaching conversation, which can also…actually, you mentioned Nikki, and Pete, I think you’ll jump right on this, can be used to have conversations…you know, maybe your kid is so resistant or your young adult. They’re not gonna sit down and do the next part, which is actually teaching the skills. Okay. But you still have a problem. So, the big piece of this book that people can just use is how do you have those conversations and kind of, like, open things up and get the kid to not disappear to the basement every day, you know, because that’s a huge piece. That’s worth the price of admission. I’m a mother so I know, you know. Nikki: It is so true and it’s so interesting because I think, you know, we have a benefit because we’re coaches. And so, we were trained to communicate this way. And so, anytime that we’ve had issues with our children, I tend to step in because I am able to ask the coaching kind of questions where my husband’s not necessarily trained to do that. So, he may immediately, like, go a different route that’s gonna then put the defenses up, right? And so, I love the fact that you’re giving this education and these tools to parents to learn because it’s not hard. You just have to kind of remember to do it in the moment, I think is probably the hardest part, is getting your own emotions controlled, you know, and being able to do that. Caroline: Well, and I’ve been doing this for so long that I knew parents can learn. You know, I had parents’ sessions. I had parents in the session. But it was interesting when we went to sell the book in 2017, I brought it…I was very lucky I had, like, 13 meetings, which is amazing. And all these publishing people started using this technique with their own kids. And my agent got phone calls, “Oh, my God. It really works.” Like, I just had a conversation. And my joke is it works with mothers-in-law. If you’re having one of these conflicts over Easter or Thanksgiving, ask them, you know, “Why is this turkey? What’s going on with this turkey,” you know. What is it about this turkey, you know? And so, what’s been interesting is that the whole publishing house is writing me emails, “I’m using this and my teenagers are actually talking to me.” And do I think we know that it works? And, you know, it’s very collaborative problem-solving, very raw stream. But it’s never really been applied to social, the idea that you have to know what’s going on for them. You know, not just to say, “Go into the cafeteria. Start joining with people. Sit there. Make chitchat. This is what you need to do.” They don’t do it then because there’s something going on for them that they would if they could, right? They would. They would go sit. Nikki: Right, right. Just you saying that gives me anxiety, you know, thinking of being in the cafeteria and like, “Oh, there’s no way.” Caroline: We could do that. I would never go back. Pete: Well, the advice, we’ve done some research specifically on cafeteria anxiety for another project. That’s what…so, the advice is always so dumb. I mean, just what you just said, Caroline, it’s like, “You know, you can really overcome all of your cafeteria anxiety if you walk into the cafeteria with confidence.” Well, I’m done already, like, I don’t…why is that step one, dummy? That’s not…that’s the problem, all of the problem right there. It’s all of the problem. I can’t walk in. And this actually, we got the questions. Oh yeah, we got the question from a teacher who was experiencing anxiety walking into the teacher’s lounge and finding a place to eat in a middle school. Like, this is not just kids. Caroline: No. Pete: It’s all of us. Caroline: It’s all of us. And a lot of my millennial, you know, sort of young adult clients, it’s not a cafeteria but it’s the Starbucks near work. It’s meeting with the mean boss who you know has, you know, passed it out for you. Or it’s just, you know, for some people who are more introverted, the idea of making small talk, it feels like climbing a mountain, or they don’t really know what to say so they sit in silence and then, people think you’re creepy. It’s not simple. Pete: You know, it’s a question and I don’t know if it’s an observation or an opportunity for you to muse. I feel like as an adult, it gets harder to utilize these social skills to build deep relationships with other adults because of all of the complexities that go on with, you know, adulting and life, and you don’t have time and you’ve got kids, and you’ve got all these things. It’s hard to develop. Like, you have to…there was recess for grown-ups, like, where you could actually sit down on the railroad ties and eat a sandwich together and have a friendship, right? That doesn’t exist. And so, I get that it’s harder for adults. I wonder if, you know, helping kids…like, what is your observation as you help kids and parents help their kids to cement these skills when they’re pre-adolescence and adolescence? You know, how well do they make that transition into young adulthood, right? I mean, you’ve been doing this long enough. Have you seen kids start to make that transition to college especially when they’re complete fish out of water? Caroline: Yeah. I mean, what’s interesting is, you know, I had to get testimonials for the book. So, I’ve been in touch with a lot of my clients who are now way too old. I’m not even gonna state how old they are because it ages me. Pete: Yeah, you don’t. This is safe space, Caroline. We get it. Caroline: You’ve even had them writing to me, you know, “My mom told me you wanna know what’s going on with me and they write me on LinkedIn.” And what I found is they absolutely do transition. You know, one of my clients wrote me this and I was literally, like, in tears. She said, “I’m still an introvert, but I am the best version of myself. I joined enough to have friends.” She’s doing study abroad right now. This is a kid who wouldn’t go to lunch, wouldn’t participate, wouldn’t talk to anyone, really believed vehemently that there was no need, there was no hope. And I think what happens is people have a shifted mindset. So, they not only have, like, new ways of doing things, but they know now how do you navigate the social world. And I’m not saying it’s not still work for them, right, because for some people, this is hard. But I think that what happens is either that or they get a new outlook in life and they’re like, “Wow, it’s really nice to have all these people.” So, I do think we all struggle with this, and you know, like, I’m turning down book club because I’m going to New York this week. I’m like, “God, I’m so antisocial. I’m not going to book club.” You know, we all struggle with that. But I think these people are also people who wanted this desperately, you know. And those…I can hear parents in my head saying “My kid doesn’t.” But remember, a lot of these kids didn’t. They didn’t want it because they were so fearful that they couldn’t get it. And then, eventually, they sort of changed to say, “Okay, I do want this.” And it took sometimes years. Nikki: Which is why it’s so important that you’re addressing the stories that we tell, right? I mean, that’s why you do that before you jump into the solutions or the strategies. Caroline: Yeah. Yeah. And my definition of social skills is different, too, Nikki. I say that it’s anything that holds you back from having adaptive behavior and from, you know, being able to fit into a group. So it applies, Pete, to adults. And everybody has a group. Even if you’re…in our day, it was goth, you know, blue hair, right? People who are goth and… Pete: It was so goth and blue hair. Oh, yes. Oh, I wore a lot of black. Nikki: I did, too. Caroline: If you don’t have a group, that says something, right? That’s why there needs to be an adaptivity. And also, they did surveys and studies of skills and they ask them about social skills. And what they admitted was that they don’t need people to be perfect. They need them to be willing to adapt. So, that’s why I really feel like it’s anything that keeps you from having those adaptive behavior. It’s not just like chitchat and manners and stuff. It’s, like, if you believe that when you’re hangry, you can be rude to everyone. People have feelings about that. Nikki: So, what’s the next part of the book then? Caroline: So, they learn how to coach. And then, they fill out an executive function questionnaire about their child or teen, or young adult. And then, we go into, “Okay, now we’ve established that, you know, this person doesn’t read the room.” And we sort of ranked those kind of behaviors. And then, I have literally 150 social skills lessons with directions written for parents. So, they are straight to the point. They’re not unintelligible, and they are written so that you can bind the time and sit down with your kid and work on these behaviors. There’s also, like, three chapters on how to get your kid to sit down because I can hear the moms out there saying, “My kid will not sit down.” And that’s why I say part of this is there are people, and we know this, who will never do a single lesson. They will use this book to get their kids to talk about these hard things. And that’s okay because in some cases, people know what to do. They just don’t do what they know, you know, as Russell Barton says. So, the social skills lessons are a huge piece and the troubleshooting or sort of managing resistance, how do you…you know, a shrug can be buy-in, you know. Would you be willing to work on this? And you don’t get, like, a “Yeah, Mom. I’m gonna do this with you.” You get, like, a shrug. Okay, that may be all you got, you know. And then, sort of how do you sort of move through these change processes is another big part of the book. How do you know you’re kid is changing? How do you know what that change process looks like? I have this tool called “How Will You Know,” and it’s, like, signs of progress, and it’s things kids say at every point in change. So, you know, if a kid says to you…if we’re working on them thinking about others and being more considerate and stepping into people shoes, and they say, “Nikki likes to ride a red bike. So when she comes over, I’m gonna let her ride my red bike,” that’s a sign that things are changing. She’s probably not gonna come to you and say, “I had an epiphany,” and you think about other people more, you know. Like, you’re gonna hear it in a different way. Nikki: Well, and you’re helping then the parents listen for that, which they may not have been listening for that before, yeah. Caroline: And I love these kids for that reason. Like, you know, kids will say to me, “I interrupt and I don’t want anyone talk.” And I’m like, “Yes. That’s true, yeah.” And that’s how they show change, just like they’ve had this realization. They don’t package it up for us and say, you know, “I’ve had this realization that I need to change.” They say little stuff and we have to pay attention to that. Pete: My question that gets to medication because what you just described is the experience that we had with my older daughter when she…you know, we had gave her the ADHD assessment and we went through a significant discernment process to address whether or not we were gonna try medication. And, you know, her experience was she has been quite appreciative of it, right, because what she says is, “Occasionally, I interrupt and I say things that are in my head immediately. That impulsivity kicks in and I don’t like that in high school. I don’t like that about myself, that I can’t stop that. But the medication, when I take the medication in the morning, I feel like what that introduces is a small impediment to that signal from my brain to my mouth. It gives me enough time to think, “Wait a minute. I need to stop and consider is this the right thing to say in this context right now with this audience?” So, my question for you is, you know, not necessarily am I asking you to give me an out for medication as a parent because medication has been hugely helpful and impactful. But is that the kind of thing that you find in your experience that these coaching skills are able to address appropriately for kids? Caroline: Yeah, because I totally relate to your daughter’s experience having, you know, been 25, 26 when they finally discovered all these and started taking medication. And, you know, as a coach, I don’t come down on medication or not. But what I do know is that the skill isn’t in the pill. And so, even if a kid is helped tremendously, the coaching is gonna give them a strategy because that medication is gonna wear off eventually, too. I mean, as adults, we all know that one of the stressors or struggles we have is, you know, my day is 15 hours. It’s not eight. So, I’m having to cope and manage and, you know, also just…you know, there are different stressors and environmental factors that we know bring out these symptoms. So, yeah, I think what the coaching does is makes people more aware. You know, it holds up a mirror and not in a bad way, in a good way. One of the questions I get a lot is, you know, “Do you need medication to do this book?” No. I mean, I have clients run the gamut. That’s a totally personal choice. But what I would say is that either way, what you need is to become more aware. And you know, the other thing your daughter’s story is reflecting is she’s more aware. And that’s really the beautiful thing because you know that…you know, when I’m tired, all these stuff comes out. You can be on guard for it versus, you know, before you have sort of that realization, I don’t know, I just know my mother used to say, “Think before you speak, Caroline.” And I was always like, “What the heck does she need?” Like, “What? No.” Pete: That’s, again, I can’t… Nikki: I don’t know what that is. Yeah. Pete: …enter the room with confidence, right? I can’t do…I don’t know that language. Nikki: You know, it’s interesting because I work with a lot of college students. And I can see where this book would be incredibly helpful or the high school student who is going into college as well, especially with the parents, right? Because once you jump from high school to college, it’s a very difficult transition. Most universities are not ADHD-friendly. And if they don’t have these skills already, it’s really difficult, right? It’s really, really hard. So, what I love about what you’re saying is that, you know, with Pete’s daughter who is in high school, upperclassman, she’s gonna be looking at, you know, what’s gonna happen after high school. If we have the right coaching in asking her these questions and asking her to be aware of these things, it just gives her that much more percentage to succeed when she’s in the next chapter of her life, whatever that may be. That’s huge. I mean, you can’t…it’s so valuable to set them up that way. Caroline: Yeah, and… Pete: Well, and she’s a little bit in the catbird seat, too because of what I do for a living. We have these kinds of conversations all the time. Caroline: My daughter got mad at me at a dinner party once because a little boy came up and he was having a struggle, and I asked him an open question. And she immediately, like, flew to the counter and she’s like, “Don’t you coach him. Don’t you coach him.” And oh, yes. He was like, “It’s a good question. I’d like to answer it,” right? He’s a little kid. He’s like \[inaudible 00:32:37\]. And my daughter’s, like, you know, glaring at me. So, yeah, they are on the catbird seat. I think, Nikki, I see a lot that transition as a big struggle, too because a lot of the kids I work with, they have their couple friends from high school, from preschool, to people who they have known forever that accept them how they are, or maybe even act as a body double to say, “Hey, you’re boarding too much.” And then, they go to college and if they don’t have those social skills, we’re asking them to make new friends, which is a much harder thing for a lot of people. And so one reason I let\\them expand the age wasn’t, you know, because I wanted to sell more books. It was because as I go around the world, I know parents or college students and young adults are gonna buy this book. I had editors willing to publish this book because they had a 30-year-old and they wanted to get a copy. And they thought, “Oh, my God. She needs to get a copy of that \[inaudible 00:33:37\].” I’m not lying. I think that there’s, like, that element and I think also a lot of times if you’re socially very \[inaudible 00:33:48\] parents a lot and you have that college student you’re working with, Nikki, they are baffling to you, right? I call them baffling behaviors. You say you want friends, but you don’t go to anything. You say you wanna fit in, but you don’t do anything to fit in. I had someone today say to me that her son wears the same clothes, like, he wears different clean clothes that’s like the same shirt and pants, and he doesn’t seem to understand it. Like, kids are making fun of you because they don’t know it’s different and clean, and you can’t run like \[inaudible 00:34:18\] that says, “This is clean,” you know. It’s all that stuff that the parent cannot understand. And then also, they’re not having a great conversation because they’re so frustrated. Nikki: Well, and something else that just dawned on me is that, again, going to what I know, which is the college student, you’ve got somebody who’s new to this brand new environment and they may not be highly engaged in the academics that they’re doing because it’s all of the core stuff, right? So, it’s all kind of the boring stuff. They haven’t gotten to their major yet. But then, if they’re having problems making friends, then really the engaging part of college that is so fun, the social piece, is also missing. And again, that’s just kind of adding fuel to the fire of do you continue or not, you know. So, yeah, I really appreciate you bringing this out. Caroline: And also, part of social skills is self-advocacy, is going into professor. You know, one of the stories I always tell when I speak is that I had a college girl I was working with who is just so motivated, but doesn’t have great social skills. She has a great brain, but she doesn’t have great social skills. And she got sick and she missed an exam. And she wrote the professor an email. He said, “No problem,” like, sick as in like in the ER. But then, because she doesn’t take perspective and walk in other people’s shoes and she was anxious, she did not make contact with that professor for 14 days after getting, you know, well. So now, she goes to the professor and the professor’s like, “You can’t take this exam anymore. You didn’t make contact with me.” And she was, like, baffled and realized her mistake and whatever. That’s all social, right, the ability to show up at that person’s office, say, “Thank you so much,” or write them an email, or to even step into their shoes and say, “This professor is known as a meany. He’s given me this rare opportunity to not take this with 103 fever. I better be writing him the next day to schedule this even if it’s a…” even if he said to her, “If you would even just schedule with me.” And I think that’s the other piece we face with our kids. You know, there’s some \[inaudible 00:36:41\]. You know, an overwhelming amount of kids who even had support in high school don’t take it in college. Well, part of that is they won’t go into the learning center. Nikki: Yeah. And there’s fear. There’s fear of embarrassment. And I had one gentleman tell me that he felt guilty because he felt, like, it gave him an advantage. And so, you know, as a coach, where I went with that, I’m like, “No, no no. You don’t feel guilty.” And that all kinds of, you know, metaphors and analogies, and everything for him to understand. But yes, it’s true. I mean, it’s definitely difficult time. I want to ask you something though, Caroline, on a personal level. Caroline: Sure. Nikki: Because many of our listeners and many of our Patreon members are writers, and they’re writers with ADHD. So, I would love for you to take a few moments to talk to them, give them maybe any tips or suggestions or ideas that you can offer about your process. I know you’ve mentioned 15 years. I mean, has this been 15 years in the making? How did it…what am I trying to say, Pete? Not… Pete: Unfold. Nikki: Unfold. Thank you. I kept wanting to say, like, undeveloped or something, but yeah. Caroline: That’s a great question. I talk about this with kids a lot because I want them to understand, like, you have to build the road, right? It takes time. So, I have the idea 15 years ago. I went for my master’s degree and finished in 2012 because I knew I had to have some kind of authority behind this. My master’s was self-designed in executive functions about social skills. I literally went to, like, every prominent university in Boston. I was like, “This is what I wanna do.” And some said no. Don’t you wish you’d said yes now? And Lesley University said yes. That’s part of that 15-year journey. And I had two children, you know, that was part of it, neither \[inaudible 00:38:44\] or neurotypical, by the way. That was part of it. But I would say this. I fully disclose that I have a collaborator. I have a go-straighter. And I write everything and then she busted and she brings it to the next level. So, I never wanna pretend that. I know I was in an ADD conference and someone snarky said, “You know, you shouldn’t tell anyone that.” And I was like, “Why? People need to know that’s an accommodation.” I’m dyslexic. No one wants me to spell. I’m a terrible at that kind of stuff. And either way, having them through this process, most people who have prescriptive walks or books like this have someone behind them. You know, I interview these people and I was like, “Oh, I will know so and so, and some writing their books.” So, most parenting books that are out there, someone else is helping because it’s a whole higher level of writing that you need. But I would also say a few tricks that you have to write everything first because I’m the expert. I run on a treadmill. I listen to Rocky, the one with the Russian. So that’s four, I think. And then, I get myself really pumped up and then I go and I write. I, like, have all these little rituals that I do in order to kind of raise my dopamine levels because I get bored. Like, some of this is just so boring. And also I have a couple of really close friends who really…I mentioned at the end of the book, like, I wrote, like, two paragraphs about them because I have a friend who I literally call her up. She’s an expert. I ask her questions to get me my juices flowing. And then, I hang up on her. I don’t even have a conversation, like, “How are you doing and how are the kids?” I’m like, “Okay, bye.” Nikki: That’s awesome. Caroline: Horrible, I know. I was telling my editor this and she was, like, crying, laughing. But, you know, it’s really…because me, like, when I talk about stuff, it really helps me get juiced up. The other thing that I do is, honestly, because I knew the day would come when I would be promoting, I’ve done a ton of podcasts and other things on this topic. And every time I have one, like, I don’t have anything to write now, but if I did, I’m pretty jazzed up. And then, the final thing is I am a schedule person. So, like, I stick to a pretty strict schedule. But by that, I also mean I build in buffers. So, for lack of focus, lack of motivation, perfectionism, complete exhaustion where, like, the ideas just don’t come. And I also have a coach because good coaches get coached, and many things this poor woman has had to talk me through where I’m like, “Okay, here’s the problem.” And that’s how it unfolds. And it’s like interest, right? I’m interested in this. Nikki: Well, congratulations. Pete: Yeah, definitely. Nikki: Fifteen years of hard work, research, something you’re passionate about, and now it’s gonna come into a book and reach and touch so many people who need this. And it’s certainly a niche that is not covered. Those social skills are so important and people, you know, need that information. And thank you so much for sharing this with us and giving us a preview. Caroline: Thank you. Pete: And now, here’s the downside though, right? You can’t get it yet. So, let’s talk just briefly about how you’d like people to get it, to stay informed. What can we do to help folks get connected with it? Caroline: Sure. So, there’s a few things. You can go to carolinemaguireauthor.com, so M-A-G-U-I-R-E, and there’s actually a book promotion. If you click on Book, anybody can redeem an offer to get the…to pre-order the book. And by pre-ordering the book, you get a free webinar. And we’ll be giving a lot of stuff like that. And then, the other thing is that if you go on the website, there’s tons of information. And soon, there’s gonna be actually, like, you know, you put in that you brought the book and you’re gonna be able to have, like, live chats where you ask questions of me, and we’re gonna start that way before the book is out. The book comes out September 24th. But, you know, this way, parents can start, you know, hearing what’s gonna happen and even just using some of these questions as we go through the summer and, you know, kids are not outside playing because they don’t have anyone to play with. So, that’s a big thing. And I would also say that, you know, if you go to my Facebook page, Coach Caroline Maguire, there’s just updates and different information and stuff like that. And I’m on the Amazon, so… Pete: Yeah. I’ve put in my Kindle pre-order already, so… Caroline: Thank you. Thank you so much. Pete: Absolutely. Caroline: And so that’s the best way. And the pre-orders really matter. I appreciate them because this…what happens is then, like, “The Wall Street Journal” then says, “Oh, we better review this book because it’s getting ton of attention.” And that’s already started to happen. And so, thank you to everyone who’s made that happen because it’s a big world. So, we have to show up so that they notice. Nikki: Absolutely. Oh, I’m so excited. Pete: Yeah, this is great. Nikki: I can’t wait to read it. Pete: I know. This is great. Caroline, thank you so much for hanging out with us, for coming back to the show, and can’t wait to hear how it goes. We will update the post. Check the links in the show notes. So, swipe up in your podcast player or go to the website, takecontroladhd.com, and go into the podcast section, you’ll find this post. If you’re listening to it after September 24th, just go get the book. You can do that right now. Look at…I’m talking to you in the future. If not, check the links and pre-order. Thank you, everybody. Oh, we do have a question, though, “One of the things that I noticed on Amazon is that you have a CD version of the book, and I was puzzled by that because I don’t have a CD player.” And we actually have a question from a listener, “Will you do an audible book? We have no way to listen to CDs.” So, what’s up with that? Caroline: So, I’m actually already scheduled to do the audiobook. It will be an audible book. And then also, I think they’re offering it as a CD. I have no idea why. I don’t have \[inaudible 00:45:28\]. Pete: Okay, good. Nikki: That’s what they do. Pete: I’m relieved to hear that you are as puzzled by that as I was and our listeners. Caroline: And I was \[inaudible 00:45:33\] even mentioned that to me. They always talked about it as audible and that kind of thing. But there is an audio version and I know I read many ADHD books by listening to them on audio. I kind of read it’s a five-day process in the studio, so dreading… Pete: Drink lots of water, yup. Nikki: I was gonna say you might want to get some walks outside. And sure you can’t take the treadmill into the studio, but you’ll definitely need to build up that dopamine somehow. Caroline: I know. It’ll be an adventure, Nikki. Nikki: That’s right. Well, good luck to you and good luck on the launch and everything. Caroline: Thank you. Pete: Absolutely. Nikki: Yeah, very exciting. Caroline: I really appreciate you having me on. You have a great audience. And I love doing this. I really should have something to write right now because I’m all pumped up. Pete: There you go. Hit the keyboard. Thank you, everybody, for downloading and listening to the show. We sure appreciate your time and your attention. On behalf of Caroline Maguire and Nikki Kinzer, I’m Pete Wright, and we’ll catch you next time right here on “Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast.” **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [368: reading between the lines with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/368-reading-between-the-lines-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Do social situations exhaust you? Do you feel like your brain is working in overdrive to keep up with your environment? According to our guest this week, that’s a common refrain for those living with ADHD. Caroline Maguire is a coach, author, teacher, and speaker with a special focus in social skills supporting kids and parents of kids with ADHD. She’s here today to talk with us all about reading between the lines and the challenges that ADHDers face when it comes to understanding the unspoken complexities of social interaction. It’s time to master the “Polite Pretend!” **Links & Notes** [Thank you for supporting The ADHD Podcast on Patreon!](https://patreon.com/theadhdpodcast) - [Caroline Maguire](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/) **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [10 helpful phrases to say when your child struggles in social situations](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-helpful-phrases-to-say-when-your-child-struggles-in-social-situations/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This story was originally published on October 1, 2019. It has been updated. [Talking about social challenges](https://www.mother.ly/child/how-social-skills-set-the-stage-for-future-success-) is never easy. For most mamas, the dread of how to begin keeps us from having the conversation at all. Research shows that playing and interacting with others builds [executive function skills](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/node/504721), content knowledge, and creative thinking—all important skills that are just as important for preschoolers as for middle-schoolers. **Related: [12 Montessori-inspired ways to help your child feel comfortable in social situations](https://www.mother.ly/child/montessori-ways-to-help-your-child-feel-comfortable-in-social-situations)** So why is it so difficult to encourage socialization? How can you help your child to communicate and improve their social skills—especially in an overscheduled, screen-ridden environment? **Here are 10 phrases to say that will help your kindergartener hone their social skills:** ## 1. “What does it mean to be a good friend?” Don’t be afraid or timid to talk about friendship. By doing this, we are teaching our children to be good friends. Ask your child, “Who do you know that is a good friend to you?” and “How were you a good friend today” to spark conversations. **Related: [4 ways to help your child be a good friend](https://www.mother.ly/parenting/teach-your-child-good-friend/)** ## 2. “Who are you playing with these days?” [Explore what your child is doing for fun](https://www.mother.ly/child/dont-let-your-preschoolers-forget-how-to-play) and who they enjoy playing with at school and during their free time. Take the perspective of curiosity, but don’t leap into a lecture if you get a response you don’t like—just gather information. ## 3. “If you could change one thing about your friendships, what would it be?” Positive parenting is about exploring and asking the right questions to get kids to think differently. In doing so, it’s important to ask little ones to reflect on their relationships (good and bad) so they can understand how they want to engage in social situations. To do this, refer to something your child has said about communicating with others. Start with, “I keep thinking about a conversation we had the other day, and you said you dread social stuff because it’s hard for you.” **Related: [How to help kids make friends, according to an expert](https://www.mother.ly/parenting/how-to-help-kids-make-friends/)** ## 4. “Everyone is working on something. Do you want to hear what I am working on?” Sharing a personal story or a lesson you’ve learned about socialization can be a source of inspiration for your little one. Share your personal challenge, then suggest, “What if we each pick something hard and we work on it together. I think it might be good to work on your friendship skills. What do you think?” ## 5. “You often complain about Jenny and how she treats you. How would you like her to treat you?” Listen to the way your child describes social disappointments. Just listen—don’t jump in to correct them or argue. You can simply acknowledge what you’re hearing and follow up with, “What makes you frustrated about Jenny? ## 6. “What are you doing well as a friend? What can you do to be a better friend?” Allow your child to consider their role as a friend. Rather than telling them what they are not doing, allow them to contemplate and problem solve. Also, if your child is in second or third grade, allow them to explore their assumptions about social life and friendship in general. Do they believe they’ll never have friends? Do they believe it’s not worth trying to befriend someone? Some responses could include, “What makes you say that? How come? Tell me more.” **Related: [A ‘thank you’ to the friends who love my children as their own](https://www.mother.ly/relationships/community-friendship/to-my-mom-friendswhen-you-love-my-children/)** ## 7. “What are your specific strengths? What makes something easy for you?” Everyone has different strengths. Help them understand what they are good at and what it means to be able to have social intelligence. Follow up with, “Who do you know who is good at the same things? Who do you know that is smart about social stuff?” ## 8. “Did I ever tell you about my experience with friendship at your age?” You can share an example from a friend’s child, or you can share a [friendship from ](https://www.mother.ly/how-to-make-friends-when-youre-pregnant)your past, telling it with detail. Doing this helps open your child’s thought process. **Related: [You’re not imagining it: Mothers need friendships to thrive](https://www.mother.ly/life/the-importance-of-friendships/)** ## 9. “I hear you say that a lot. What do you mean by that?” Listen to the way your child describes themself in the role they believe they have in their peer group or family. Comments such as, “I’m always the one who gets in trouble,” “I’m just the funny girl,” “I’m such a loser,” or, “They’re just stupid,” show an underlying story or narrative they are telling themselves. Ask them about those statements or comments they make to help them think about their relationship with others. ## 10. “I notice you didn’t talk to anyone at karate yesterday. I am curious how come?” If your child isn’t a talker or able to find the words to express himself, you can say, “I notice…” and share an observation or an image. Ask if they agree or disagree with your perception. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [“Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults” with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/friendship-skills-for-neurodivergent-adults-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** If you’ve ever given everything to a friendship and been left wondering what went wrong, Caroline Maguire has a gentle but clarifying answer: you probably gave too much, too soon, to someone who hadn’t yet earned it. That’s not a character flaw — it’s the ADHD brain doing what it does when it finally finds someone who sees it. The dopamine hit of new connection can tip straight into hyperfocus, and suddenly you’re all-in on a relationship that hasn’t had time to prove itself. Caroline calls it the impulsive friendship cycle, and she has spent years helping neurodivergent adults find their way out of it. Caroline is a social emotional learning expert, ADHD coach, and author of the award-winning [Why Will No One Play With Me](https://amzn.to/3NnMxUn). Her new book, [Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults](https://amzn.to/4rj2qcL), arrives April 14th — and it’s not another book that asks you to fix yourself to fit a friendship model built for someone else’s social battery. Instead, she starts with a reframe that carries the whole conversation: our friendship struggles are not a personal failing. They’re a neurological mismatch between the way we were taught to connect and the way our brains actually work. In this conversation, we dig into the masking vs. adapting distinction that has already sparked significant conversation in our Discord community — including what makes the difference between reading a room and suppressing yourself entirely. Caroline walks us through the ice cream scoop method for building trust slowly, what “emerging friend” means and why it matters, how to troubleshoot a friendship before you decide it’s over, and the unmasking story she never expected to tell — including the moment Ned Hallowell called her out on a mask she didn’t know she was wearing. This episode is part of our ongoing relationships series, and it may be the most practical and personally honest conversation we’ve had in it yet. The book is available for pre-order now, with bonus resources, at any major bookseller. **Links & Notes** - [Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) - [Support the Show on Patreon](https://patreon.com/theadhdpodcast) - [Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database](https://takecontroladhd.com/shownotes) **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Why Is Making Friends So Hard with ADHD? Social Skills & Communication Tips with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-is-making-friends-so-hard-with-adhd-social-skills-communication-tips-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this episode, we’re discussing important topics—social skills, friendships, and navigating communication as someone with ADHD. I’m joined by the amazing Caroline Maguire, an author, coach, TED Talk speaker, and founder of a revolutionary social emotional learning (SEL) method that helps neurodivergent individuals connect more authentically. Caroline’s insight is deeply rooted in both her personal journey and decades of professional experience supporting kids, teens, and adults with ADHD. We unpack the real (and often painful) challenges of miscommunication, self-doubt, and finding your people when you’re neurodivergent. Caroline and I talk candidly about the paradoxes of ADHD communication, the importance of self-awareness, how we curate our friendships, and how interests can lead to connection. Caroline Maguire, is the founder of a revolutionary social emotional learning methodology that helps teach social skills to children, teenagers, and young adults. She holds a holds a Masters in Education degree with a concentration in SEL training and is the founder and director of The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA). She is a former coach for the Hallowell Center in Sudbury, Massachusetts. She is the author of Why Will No One Play With Me?, the winner of the Best Parenting and Family Book 2020 as awarded by American Book Fest. Episode Highlights: \[1:08\] – Introducing Caroline Maguire and her extensive background in ADHD coaching and SEL. \[2:22\] – Getting personal: Why I invited Caroline to talk about the communication paradox with ADHD. \[6:26\] – Caroline opens up about her ongoing self-talk journey and how it still shows up today. \[8:52\] – The power of understanding your brain: Why telling your child they have ADHD matters. \[11:46\] – Adult friendships and trust: How to explain your traits and connect without fear. \[18:34\] – Why making friends is harder for kids and how parents can support them better. \[24:52\] – The big gap in school services for ADHD students when it comes to pragmatics and speech. \[32:34\] – Caroline’s personal strategy to improve self-talk and own her accomplishments. \[40:03\] – Embracing authenticity and navigating the workplace with ADHD. \[43:30\] – What’s next for schools? And how early neurodiversity education makes a difference. \[52:07\] – Helping kids embrace who they are—even when it’s not “cool.” \[54:39\] – Where to find more of Caroline’s work and wisdom. Connect with Caroline Maguire: - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/ - Website: https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ - Book: Why Will No One Play with Me?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive Thank you for tuning into “SuccessFULL with ADHD.” If this episode has impacted you, remember to rate, follow, share, and review our podcast. Your support helps us reach and help more individuals navigating their journeys with ADHD. 🚨Calling all aspiring ADHD coaches ▶️ https://www.coachingwithbrooke.com/coach-certification-and-training Help your clients break free from paralysis and better manage their life with 3C Activation® coach training! 💥Gain a proven process for ADHD coaching 💥Earn 38 ICF Credits and 25.5 PAAC CCE’s 💥Learn the latest neuroscience to boost your practice 💥Qualify to be listed under ACO Directory Learn more ▶️ https://www.coachingwithbrooke.com/coach-certification-and-training **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Why Does No One Like Me? Learn How To Read the Room to Create a More Positive Social Approach](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/why-does-no-one-like-me-learn-how-to-read-the-room-to-create-a-more-positive-social-approach/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We’ve got an excellent “TADD” Talk for you today! As part of ADHD Awareness Month and our special activities, ADDA has created TADD Talks, where we’ll be Talking about ADD every day the entire month of October! In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire, Med, PCC discusses “Why Does No One Like Me? Learn how to Read the Room to Create a More Positive Social Approach ” Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, ADHD coach and professional speaker specializes in helping clients expand their executive function skills to open untapped potential. Her hands-on approach is entertaining and packed with information to present realistic solutions. We’ll see you back here tomorrow! Check the schedule to see what’s coming next right [here](https://add.org/taddtalks2017/). [d](https://add.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/carolone-maguire-tadd17-final.mp3 "download: carolone-maguire-tadd17-final") **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [When your tween acts up on lockdown](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/when-your-tween-acts-up-on-lockdown/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** It’s hard to take away screen time right now. They already can’t see their friends. Here are ways to empathize but also call for respect. My stuck-at-home 11-year-old spends her off-school hours on the online game platform Roblox. As screen time goes, it’s a pretty safe, kid-friendly and creative option, since with parental controls I’m able to lock down her privacy (that means no chats, ever). But she resists screen time limits, argues about getting off Roblox to do chores and tries to push her bedtime later every night. She is worried about not being able to go back to sleep-away camp this summer. And annoyed that she can only FaceTime her friends, instead of seeing them in real life. I get it. Her reaction is understandable, considering the fraught times we are living in. But when she gets disrespectful, I can’t go to my usual set of consequences like threatening that she won’t be allowed to attend a friend’s birthday party, or being sent to her room (which is now her sanctuary). All the usual punishments are off the table when everyone is already essentially grounded. Following are some experts’ suggestions on how to handle conflicts with tweens during lockdown. ## Take Your E’s “It’s tough to see your kids disappointed because they are missing out on so much, but it’s a chance to teach them valuable life lessons,” said Justin Coulson, author of “[10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know](https://www.amazon.com/Things-Every-Parent-Needs-Know-ebook/dp/B074FGXML7/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2L14VFX9MOHHE&dchild=1&keywords=10+things+every+parent+needs+to+know&qid=1587488164&sprefix=10+Things+Every+Parent+%2Caps%2C143&sr=8-2)” and dad to six girls. He suggested trying what he calls the 3 E’s — explore, explain and empower — when you want your tween to do something (like stop playing Roblox at all hours): - Explore to build empathy: “I see you are stressed with what I’m asking. Why is that?’ - Explain: ‘Can you tell me why you think I am making such a big deal about it?’ This gets the tween analyzing the situation. - Follow with ‘Great. But you missed a few things. Do you mind if I share those?’” Once they give permission, then you can lecture (I said I worried about her eyesight when she spent so much time online). - Then, empower them by letting them know they are capable. I asked, “How can we work together to resolve this?” We ended up stopping Roblox during school days and making Sunday an optional “Roblox-till-you-drop” day. ## Family Meals Heal Use dinner as a time to communicate about your expectations for the next day, said Sheryl Ziegler, a Denver-based therapist specializing in anxiety and stress and author of “[Mommy Burnout](https://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Burnout-Reclaim-Healthier-Children/dp/0062683683).” Tweens and teens want to feel older. So say, “We talked about this at dinner. If you don’t want mom to rip the sheets off like you are 8 years old, show me you can make the bed yourself.” And don’t forget to show gratitude. “Because you prepped dinner tonight, I could do my conference call.” Dr. Coulson recommended a 10-minute kid-led weekend family meeting where you ask: What is going well? What hasn’t been going so well? And what one thing can we focus on improving as a family? \[[An approach to family meetings](https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/09/well/family/coronavirus-quarantine-conflict-family-meeting.html).\] ## Meditation and Meaning Dr. Coulson recommends tweens spend an hour a day on a meaningful project that contributes to the family, like weeding the garden, painting the playroom, organizing the pantry, or putting digital photos into a printable photo album. Caroline Maguire, a family coach and author of “[Why Will No One Play With Me](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/),” suggested giving tweens their own corner of the home for them to chill out in when they need it. You could set it up to make it feel relaxing, whether that means soft lighting, a book, music, a homemade lava lamp with slime and crystals, or a squishy ball or fidget bracelet. If your tween’s internal temperature still is rising, here are some last resorts. ## Create a Chore Jar Nina Kaiser, a California-based psychologist, suggested writing down non-routine chores you need help with (doing laundry, raking the leaves, cleaning the toilet) and placing them in a jar. The chores can be used as consequences if the child does something that is out of line. ## Take Away Special Play Build in “activities that you can take away like family game time or Netflix if the behavior of your tween becomes extreme,” Dr. Kaiser said. Say, “If you want to play Settlers of Catan tonight, clean the dishes, and tidy up your room first.” A caveat: consequences have to be reasonable, and you have to follow through. “If you say you will turn off the Wi-Fi, download your shows beforehand,” Dr. Ziegler said. “If all else fails, take deep breaths, and say ‘I will think about the disrespect you showed when I asked you to unload the dishwasher and will give you one chance to respond to me differently,’” then walk away. ## Commiserate Compassionately “When your tween gets whiny, empathize with them instead of yelling at them,” Dr. Ziegler said. “Say, ‘I know this sucks. I hear you. You would rather be with your friends.’” ## Editors’ Picks ###  What You Need to Know About the ‘Summer House’ Scandal ###  Solve the April Bonus Puzzle ###  The Best Movies and TV Shows Coming to Netflix in April Tell your tween, “This is a time with new roles and new ways for you to contribute. We all have to pitch in.” Dr. Kaiser suggested addressing yelling by putting on a headset and calmly responding, “I’d be happy to talk to you when you can talk in a normal voice.” Dr. Ziegler suggested, “Instead of saying ‘you have been on the computer too long,’ say ‘You have been on for seven hours, and I want you to set the table to help the family.’” She explained, “If you give a reason that makes sense to your tween, it gives them less to fight about.” Dr. Coulson said a powerful strategy to show empathy is to allow tweens the fantasy, since they can’t have the reality. So, when my daughter teared up watching a video of her camp friends from last year, I said, “Don’t you wish this virus had never happened and you could go to sleep-away camp for the whole summer?” “Yes, Mom,” she sighed with a wistful smile, as the light glinted off her hair, temporarily tinted pink. Before the pandemic, I would not have allowed her to dye her hair. But, quite frankly, with the world turned upside down, temporary hair color simply didn’t seem worth fighting about. Although I am hoping our new approach to conflict management lasts longer than her hair color. Estelle Erasmus is a [writing coach](https://estelleserasmus.com/workwithme/) and [adjunct writing professor at New York University](https://www.sps.nyu.edu/professional-pathways/faculty/1068-estelle-erasmus.html). ![]() Opinion | KJ Dell’Antonia Happy Children Do Chores Aug. 18, 2018 ![]() Discipline Looks Different in a Pandemic April 17, 2020 ![]() Which Is Better, Rewards or Punishments? Neither Aug. 21, 2018 --- ## A Guide to Parenting Now --- - Fathers’ Parenting Behaviors: A long-term study of 292 families [linked fathers’ parenting style to their children’s heart health](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/03/health/fathers-child-health.html) years later. To researchers’ surprise, no such link was found with mothers. - Vitamin K Shots: For decades, hospitals have given babies a vitamin K injection to protect against bleeding. Now, the shot appears to be [facing resistance from parents](https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/03/health/fathers-child-health.html). - Do Parents Have Favorite Children? Of course they do. And research [shows the less favored children suffer for it](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/23/well/favorite-children.html). - Children and Phones: The psychologist Jean Twenge [has emerged as one of the research world’s loudest voices](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/06/well/family/jean-twenge-social-media-screens-teens.html) on the harmful effects of smartphones and social media. And she has 10 rules to fix them. - The Tooth Fairy Lives in Seattle: For 20 years, Dr. Purva Merchant has been [answering letters from gaptoothed children and their parents](https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/14/parenting/tooth-fairy-dentist-letters.html) — roughly 6,000 in all. “Happy growing up,” she typically replies. - School Nurse Knowledge: The stalwarts of children’s health [shared five things they want parents to know](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/23/well/school-nurse-advice-parent-mistakes.html). **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Choose Love Book Club - "Why Will No One Play With Me?" with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/choose-love-book-club-why-will-no-one-play-with-me-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [How to Get Along with Everyone](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-get-along-with-everyone/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Social struggles are common when someone has ADHD, regardless of their age. Friendly chit-chat and banter do not come naturally for many people who have ADHD. Forcing conversations with coworkers, school peers, neighbors, and community members can leave them feeling awkward, rejected, and exhausted. What’s at the heart of this? Caroline Maguire introduces the deep-seated relationship between self-awareness and social connection. The ability to self-evaluate, to “read the room” and to predict reactions—from ourselves and others—is intimately connected to how we contribute to the conversation and relate to others. The good news is that with understanding and practice, we can greatly improve self-awareness and in turn, create limitless, meaningful connections. **Caroline Maguire, MEd, ACCG, PCC,** is the author of Why Will No One Play with Me? and founder of a SEL training methodology designed to teach emotional regulation, emotional intelligence, social and self-awareness, and responsible decision-making skills. She founded the only coach training program accredited by the ICF, ADDA’s The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families. She lectures and conducts workshops on various topics related to social, emotional, and behavioral learning. --- ### [How to deal with Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-deal-with-rejection-sensitivity/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This is my most requested episode ever. Thanks to the support of my research team, creative team, professional consultants, and the fabulous Caroline Maguire, it’s finally done 🙂 Enjoy!!! **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [How to Help Students with ADHD Gain Social Confidence (with Caroline Maguire)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/how-to-help-students-with-adhd-gain-social-confidence-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Lack of practice, lagging maturity, fewer social models, and weak executive functions mean that children with ADHD often struggle with social skills. The good news is that, like any other skill, these skills can be taught and improved. Learn how to help students with ADHD adjust to in-person school in this hour-long webinar with Caroline Maguire, PCC, M.Ed. **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Helping Kids with Social Skills and Friendships: An Interview with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/helping-kids-with-social-skills-and-friendships-an-interview-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Have you noticed social skills missing in your kids? Caroline Maguire, author of Why Will No One Play With Me?, joins me to discuss how to support your child and build them up through play. Here’s some of the areas we cover: The importance of play How to play with your kids in a role play situation The power of storytelling to explain social situations Debriefing with your kids and working on your bond together Finding the organic moments to talk to your kids Supporting them through childhood playdates to teenage hangouts Figuring out their baseline and strengths Using their interests to encourage and build them up This is a clip from a live webinar. If you’d like to hear the whole interview, please join the Hub! **About The Guest – Caroline maguire** Caroline Maguire, is the founder of a revolutionary social emotional learning methodology that helps teach social skills to children, teenagers, and young adults. She holds a holds a Masters in Education degree with a concentration in SEL training and is the founder and director of The Fundamentals of ADHD Coaching for Families training curriculum at ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA). She is a former coach for the Hallowell Center in Sudbury, Massachusetts. She is the author of Why Will No One Play With Me?, the winner of the Best Parenting and Family Book 2020 as awarded by American Book Fest and co-collaborator on newly released HowToSel.com – a daily social emotional learning platform anyone can incorporate into daily life. Why Will No One Play With Me? The Play Better Plan To Help Children of All Ages Makes Friends and Thrive by Caroline Maguire, PCC, M.Ed. www.carolinemaguireauthor.com Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM Instagram https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm/ Twitter https://twitter.com/AuthorCarolineM Pinterest https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinecm/ LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm/ **About The Host – Janine Halloran** Janine Halloran is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, an author, a speaker, an entrepreneur and a mom. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Janine has been working primarily with children, adolescents, and their families for over 20 years. She is the Founder of ‘Coping Skills for Kids’, where she creates products and resources to help kids learn to cope with their feelings in safe and healthy ways. Janine also founded ‘Encourage Play’ which dedicated to helping kids learn and practice social skills in the most natural way – through play! If you’re interested in learning more about how to teach kids coping skills, download your free Coping Skills Toolkit: https://copingskillsforkids.com/newsletter The Coping Skills Hub has everything you need to teach kids coping skills, learn more at https://copingskillsforkids.com/hub If you’d like to purchase Janine’s products, including the Coping Skills for Kids Workbook, Coping Skills for Teens Workbook, Social Skills for Kids Workbook, Coping Cue Cards, and more, visit https://store.copingskillsforkids.com or https://amazon.com/copingskillsforkids **Connect with Janine on Social Media** Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/janinehalloranlmhc Instagram @janine\_halloran and @copingskillsforkids YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JanineHalloranLMHC Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/encourageplay/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/janine-halloran-43787b7b/ **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Getting REAL About the Struggle To Make Friends When You Have ADHD](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/getting-real-about-the-struggle-to-make-friends-when-you-have-adhd/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Hello, Brains! It’s often difficult for a lot of us to make and maintain friends, so I wanted to open up about my experiences with friendships… and get Caroline’s take on it! **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults Featuring Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/friendship-skills-for-neurodivergent-adults-featuring-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** **Send us a text** In this episode of the Men’s ADHD Support Group webinar series, join Shane Thrapp and our amazing guest as we discuss the challenge of making friends as adults with ADHD. Featuring Caroline Maguire, author and friendship expert, the discussion covers why forming meaningful relationships can be difficult and provides practical, easy-to-use solutions. Caroline shares her insights on adult friendships, the importance of authenticity, and the strategies for building and nurturing connections. We also touch on the concept of masking, the role of shared activities, and recognizing when someone is interested in being your friend. We had so much fun with this episode and Caroline provided valuable tools and techniques for creating lasting and genuine friendships. **About Caroline** Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., is an award‑winning coach, teacher, and keynote speaker focused on social‑emotional learning, executive functioning, and friendship skills. She’s the author of Why Will No One Play With Me?—an award‑winning guide for kids and parents. Check out our website for great blogs, information, and upcoming events! Men’s ADHD Support Group Website If you identify as male and have ADHD Join our Facebook Group! **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Friendship, Confidence & ADHD: Expert Strategies with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/friendship-confidence-adhd-expert-strategies-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Welcome to 16th episode of The Way Forward – A Kindness Mission, presented by Anthony’s Way – The Road to Kindness. In this episode, we’re joined by Caroline Maguire, leading ADHD coach, speaker, and author of the acclaimed book Why Will No One Play with Me? Caroline brings years of expertise in helping children with ADHD build social skills, confidence, and meaningful friendships. In this heartfelt conversation, she shares practical strategies for parents, caregivers, and educators to better support kids who struggle socially and offering both empathy and actionable tools to guide them on their journey. **Topics covered in this episode include:** - Why ADHD kids often struggle to make and keep friends - The importance of communication and avoiding blame or shame - How to support children through rejection and build resilience - Practical tools for hosting and guiding successful playdates - Finding high-interest, interactive activities that help kids connect - Teaching kids the “flavors of friendship” to better understand social dynamics - Partnering with teachers and schools to support social and emotional growth - When to seek additional help from ADHD coaches or therapists Caroline offers compassionate, research-based advice that empowers families to help their children thrive socially and emotionally. Whether you’re a parent navigating ADHD for the first time or an educator seeking strategies for your classroom, you’ll walk away from this episode with fresh insights, practical tools, and renewed hope. Learn more about Anthony’s Way – The Road to Kindness: https://www.anthonysroadtokindness.com/ **Connect with Caroline Maguire:** Website: https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/ Instagram: / authorcarolinem Youtube: / @authorcarolinem DISCLAIMER Anthony’s Way – The Road to Kindness does not endorse products, services, publications, medications, or treatments, including those advertised in any of our publications, webinars or podcasts. **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [FOX Dallas- Fort Worth](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/fox-dallas-fort-worth/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Whether your preschooler is shy, your elementary student doesn’t have play dates, or your middle schooler feels left out… there are ways to turn it around. Personal coach, author, and teacher Caroline Maguire speaks with Steve Noviello. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Foster Friendships in Adulthood by Embracing Your ADHD (with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/foster-friendships-in-adulthood-by-embracing-your-adhd-with-caroline-maguire-m-ed/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This clip is from Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.’s, ADDitude webinar: “An Adult’s Guide to Fostering Friendships with ADHD” **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Making Meaningful Connections with Social Spy Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/making-meaningful-connections-with-social-spy-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Caroline Maguire is the author of the award-winning book Why Will No One Play with Me? and the brilliant mind behind the TEDx talk “Becoming a Social Spy: How to Read People Using Observational Learning.” In this episode René and Caroline sit down to discuss the ins and outs of building confidence and developing the skills to jump in and make new friends, making and keeping meaningful connections, and setting boundaries in friendships as neurodivergent people. You can learn more about Caroline and her incredible work on her website, https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/. You can also find Caroline on Instagram, as @authorcarolinem, and her TEDxTalk on Youtube. **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Five Words that Will Change Your Child’s Life—and Your Parenting—Forever](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/five-words-that-will-change-your-childs-life-and-your-parenting-forever/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, [send us an email.](mailto:corrections@huffingtonpost.com)  Courtesy of Shutterstock A client from long ago tells me that one of the most life-changing things I shared with her as I coached her daughter through some early learning and behavioral challenges was this: “If she could, she would.” In more than 14 years as a family coach, this seemingly simple idea—*If they could, they would*—has unlocked solutions to some of the most stubborn problems children face. This single piece of clarity can transform how you understand your child and how you can be more successful in your efforts to help them. Here’s why. So often when a child’s behavior frustrates or disappoints us, or outright angers us, we’re quick to assume they’re being willful or defiant. Or maybe lazy or self-centered. I’ve heard adults write off a child with attention issues or poor math or reading scores, saying “he is just not trying.” Or label a socially awkward or even socially isolated child as a “natural loner”—in preschool! Or blame the family tree: *You’re just like your father!* (Or mother, or grandparent or sibling, whoever is known in the family for similar behavior.) We’ve all been in that exasperated moment when our child’s meltdowns or dust-ups can trigger old, reflexive parenting responses: *How many times have I told you? What were you thinking? Why can’t you just do as you’re asked? Try harder!* And we’ve all seen just how ultimately ineffective that kind of scolding, cajoling and shaming are. While there are times when a child may be stubborn or selfish, neuroscience and a growing body of behavioral literature hold that often it is a lack of skills—specifically the brain-based “executive function” skills that hold him back—not willfulness or laziness. Executive function is the brain’s hub of skills such as memory, organization, planning, self-regulation and the ability to modify our behavior in response to others. When these skills lag, for whatever reason, the timeworn advice about pushing through, trying harder and just making it happen just do not apply. In fact, such blaming and shaming only make matters worse. One of the grounding truths that modern psychology and child development research tells us is that, generally speaking, children do not willfully set about to self-sabotage, to fail at being a kid and disappoint their parents. Every child wants to succeed; every child wants to “grow up” and develop the mastery to be a capable human being. To do that, they must learn to work with their own unique brain wiring to develop executive function skills responsible for organizing thoughts challenges and with their own unique brain wiring. The idea that a child “would if he could” is an important distinction because it becomes a lens through which you can look at your child and reframe your understanding of him in the moment. Once your child begins to develop the skills necessary—whether it’s a small step in getting homework done or managing big emotions—his successes will energize him to do more. So, set aside every discouraging assumption you’ve ever had about your child’s social behavior and replace them with this singular truth: *If they could, they would.* If they had the basic skills to manage a particular learning challenge, social situation, or intense emotion then they would. Their inability to do so says they need your support to brave the learning curve. In many ways, this powerful philosophical shift is easier than you might think. You don’t have to be some Super Parent with a PhD or Buddha brain. Here are five steps to turn this fresh insight into action: - Err on the side of believing your child has the capacity to learn and grow, and basically good intentions. - Aim for what I call positive predictability: responses that encourage, illuminate, engage and empower your child. Positive predictability is not about empty praise. It is about recognizing the qualities of character and effort that your child has shown in specific moments, whether in a big way or in smaller but important ways: when he shows empathy for someone else, takes pride in something he does, steps outside his comfort zone with a new experience, or rebounds from a failure and tries again. Your habit of noticing and celebrating these moments, and not just the “big wins,” celebrates the nitty-gritty process of growth and change, and cultivates your child’s confidence that he’s got what it takes. Try comments that begin with “I noticed…” or “You showed…” to highlight something positive. - Identify sources of stress for your child and concrete ways to reduce it, since stress in one area can lead to stress behavior in other seemingly unrelated areas. If your child is struggling with reading, for instance, that stress may erupt in social dust-ups at school or meltdowns at home. - Talk with your child about his experience of what’s going on. Show genuine curiosity and respect him as the expert on his own feelings and experience. You can say, “It feels like you are working hard and this is not easy for you.” Or “What makes that hard for you?” Ask your child how much effort they have to put in to something they excel at, something that comes naturally to them. Then ask them how much effort it takes to do something hard that they’re not good at. “How does it feel when you have to work harder?” A challenge they enjoy may take a lot of work—it may be “hard”—but their experience of that effort is very different. Encourage them to discuss why this might be and how everyone has areas where they just struggle and have to work harder—and manage the feelings that come with it. By taking the time and showing your genuine interest in your child’s experience, you give him a chance to practice connecting internal feelings with outward behavior. That’s one of the executive function skill he needs in order to change behaviors that aren’t working for him. - It’s easy for a child to lose heart in an ongoing struggle to learn and grow. Show your confidence, not in her ability to accomplish desired outcomes (she needs to build the skills and confidence to do that!) but in the qualities of character you know she has that help any of us tackle challenges. The big truth is that *everyone is working on something.* You might share a story about something that was hard for you. And how you worked on it. This is important because your child must understand that sometimes change is hard and she must feel that you are a team and recognize the strengths she brings to the challenge. *If they could, they would* means acknowledging that your child may have areas in which he needs skill development. You wouldn’t expect a child to hit a baseball without learning how to swing and what stance to use. The good news is that the most concrete skills, even managing emotions, shifting from one task to another or learning to create routines for yourself in the morning can be developed. Give them that chance, support the process, and they’ll develop the skills they need to succeed. **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [Effects of Socialization Issues on our Children](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/effects-of-socialization-issues-on-our-children/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** On today’s episode, we had an interesting and informative conversation with Caroline Maguire (ADHD Coach and award-winning author of the book “Why will no one play with me”) on “The social effect of ADHD on our children and its solutions”. *About the show: “LollieTasking with ADHD” is a podcast where Dr. Lola, a physician, and life success coach and executive function (coach) talks about how she manages her ADHD. It is also for women who want to learn, share, and chat about thriving (not just surviving) with ADHD. We are professionals, entrepreneurs, creatives, and homemakers who are surviving in our lives but not working too hard to reach our goals. Each episode talks about how ADHD affects Dr. Lola Day with tips and strategies to help you thrive with it.* *After listening, I hope you start to learn how to get equipped to handle any socialization issues your children might encounter due to their ADHD.* ***Caroline Maguire’s Information:*** - IG: https://www.instagram.com/authorcarolinem/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A - Website: https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/ - Amazon Link: Why will no one play with me **Want to learn more from Dr. Lola Day:** - *Follow* *@LollieTasker* *on Instagram – Do let me know how this episode connected with you! Send me a DM or share your thoughts on stories and tag me.* - *Join the* *LollieTasking with ADHD Facebookgroup* *to continue the conversation- A group for podcast fans and thriving women.* - *Applications are out for our VIP premium transformational life coaching group, to get more information visit https://awe.lollietasking.com/selah2023* - *Learn about* Healthy Wealthy and Thriving Women Community *It takes a village to manage your ADHD… HWT Community (LollieTasking) members have a village filled with education, supportive coaches and professional women with ADHD, plus a group coaching program that helps high-achieving women learn how to thrive with their ADHD so they can accomplish all their goals with ease, without sacrificing any more time away from their families. In the program, you also have the opportunity to level up to micro group coaching, and 1:1 coaching.* **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Neurodivergent Friendships & Social Struggles](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/neurodivergent-friendships-social-struggles/) **Published:** March 31, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** 2026-01-24 - Likes - [Download](https://episodes.captivate.fm/episode/65699fc2-2b44-4c47-86c7-8ab1a74a48b9.mp3 "Download") - Share In this episode, Patrick Casale talks with Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. Caroline is an award-winning author and coach whose work inspires crucial conversations around social skills, friendship, and belonging—especially for neurodivergent adults. Patrick and Caroline discuss everything from unmasking and authentic connection to the real-life struggles and victories of forming meaningful relationships as adults who think differently. ## Here are 3 key takeaways: 1. Go with Your Gut: Whether you’re writing, working, or building friendships, trust your instincts. Embracing confidence in your own voice—even when it means not pleasing everyone—is essential for authenticity and fulfillment. 2. Friendship Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All: Forget “traditional” networking advice. For neurodivergent adults, it’s about finding high-interest, safe spaces and understanding your own sensory needs. Deep connection can happen outside the typical social settings—there’s no single path to friendship. 3. Honor Your Energy and Needs: Setting boundaries and being honest about what drains or energizes you is vital. The friends who respect your limits (whether it’s choosing not to be in social situations, preferring smaller gatherings, or picking shade over sun) are your people. More about Caroline: Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., is an award-winning author, coach, teacher, and keynote speaker whose work has inspired important conversations about social skills, friendship, and belonging. Caroline has been a rock for thousands of people who struggle to make friends. Her book “Why Will No One Play With Me?” has won several awards, including the Best Book Award from American Book Fest, Mom’s Choice Award for Honoring Excellence, and Book Authority’s award for Best ADHD Books of All Time. Caroline’s next book for adults, Friendship Skills for the Neurodivergent: A Guide for the Quirky, Anxious, and Easily Distracted, will release in April 2026. 1. Website: carolinemaguireauthor.com 2. Facebook: facebook.com/AuthorCarolineM 3. Instagram: instagram.com/authorcarolinem 4. YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCnDmu0c8kr0co2ppXo3EC8A 5. Twitter: twitter.com/AuthorCarolineM 6. LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/authorcarolinecm 7. TikTok: tiktok.com/@authorcarolinem 8. Pinterest: pinterest.com/AuthorCarolineM 9. New book release soon – Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults is on sale! amazon.com/Friendship-Skills-Neurodivergent-Adults-Distracted/dp/1538773082 ––––––––––––––––––––– 🎙️Listen to more episodes of the All Things Private Practice Podcast 🎙️Spotify 🎙️Apple 🎙️YouTube Music ▶️ YouTube ✈️ Learn about Retreats 🗨️ Join the free Empowered Escape FB Community 🗨️ Join the free All Things Private Practice FB Community ––––––––––––––––––––– Thanks to Our Sponsors: The Receptionist for iPad & Portland, Maine, Summit 2026! ### ✨ The Receptionist for iPad Thanks to The Receptionist for iPad for sponsoring this episode. The Receptionist offers an iPad list check-in option where clients can scan a QR code to check in, which negates the need for you to buy an iPad and stand. Go to thereceptionist.com/privatepractice and sign up for a free 14-day trial. When you do, you’ll get your first month free. And don’t forget to ask about our iPad list check-in option. ### ✨ Portland, Maine, Summit 2026 The 2026 Doubt Yourself Do It Anyway Summit is happening for the first time in the United States in beautiful Portland, Maine, on September 1st–3rd, 2026. Portland, Maine, is a beautiful coastal city in the Atlantic Ocean. There’s a lot of history there, and it’s a very funky, creative, safe, walkable, diverse, and progressive city. You will get 9 NBCC CEs. We have ASWB pending—we’ll make an announcement when that’s finalized—and have 13 prolific industry leaders. This summit has always been about showing that our skills are applicable in so many different ways, and to motivate you to think bigger, grow in this profession, take more risks, work through self-doubt, and really embrace the doubt-yourself-do-it-anyway mentality. Spots are limited. Reserve your spot here: empoweredescapes.com/portland-maine-summit Doubt yourself. Do it anyway. See you in Maine. Mentioned in this episode: ### Portland, Maine, Summit 2026 The 2026 Doubt Yourself Do It Anyway Summit is happening for the first time in the United States in beautiful Portland, Maine, on September 1st–3rd, 2026. Portland, Maine, is a beautiful coastal city in the Atlantic Ocean. There’s a lot of history there, and it’s a very funky, creative, safe, walkable, diverse, and progressive city. You will get 9 NBCC CEs. We have ASWB pending—we’ll make an announcement when that’s finalized—and have 13 prolific industry leaders. This summit has always been about showing that our skills are applicable in so many different ways, and to motivate you to think bigger, grow in this profession, take more risks, work through self-doubt, and really embrace the doubt-yourself-do-it-anyway mentality. Spots are limited. Reserve your spot here: https://www.empoweredescapes.com/portland-maine-summit Doubt yourself. Do it anyway. See you in Maine. ### The Receptionist for iPad The Receptionist for iPad is a HIPAA-ready digital check-in system that eliminates the need to walk back and forth from your office to the waiting room to see if your next appointment has arrived. Clients or patients can check in for their appointments, and you’ll be immediately notified by text, email, or your preferred channel. Break free from interruptions and make the most of your time, because it is valuable. Start a free 14-day trial of the Receptionist for iPad by going to… View less **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [Coaching Your Child on Social Skills with Carolne Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/coaching-your-child-on-social-skills-with-carolne-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** We all know social skills are important. I mean…lets be honest, even many ADHD adults struggle to navigate the social world. So I invited Caroline Maguire to talk with me about coaching neurodivergent children on social skills. We drop a lot of great examples in this episode, as well as some very useful techniques for coaching your own child. I cannot overstate how impactful Caroline’s work has been for my son and I. And how wonderful she is to talk to. **You will hear us discuss:** - Everyone focuses on academics, when they should be focused on social skills - A simple definition of executive function - Metacognition explained - What it means to be mentally flexible - How to take a, “coach approach” to talking to your kids - Why low self-awareness is a problem for children and adults - Teaching children to recognize reactive behavior and anger in themselves - Showing our children that friendships are active **Link to Caroline’s Website** Amazon link to Why Will No One Play With Me? Meet other ADHD moms in the ADHD Enclave! **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [New Mobile And Web App Helps People With Attention Deficit Disorder Manage Daily Habits, Routines And Connect With Their ADHD Coaches](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/new-mobile-and-web-app-helps-people-with-attention-deficit-disorder-manage-daily-habits-routines-and-connect-with-their-adhd-coaches/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Phoenix AZ, April 30, 2015 – According to industry research, 5% of adults in the US today have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), a brain-based medical disorder that causes significant problems with work, school and family life. To directly address the challenges people with ADHD face in daily living, the [Attention Deficit Disorder Association](https://add.org/), the world’s leading adult ADHD organization, is today launching a new mobile and web app called ADDA Storylines, aimed at helping those living with ADHD better manage their daily habits and routines and to tap into support from their care circle, including ADHD coaches who can play an instrumental role in helping people achieve their goals. The app, developed in partnership with patient intelligence health solution provider, [Self Care Catalysts (SCC)](http://www.selfcarecatalysts.com/), provides essential management tools for those living with ADHD including a routine-builder, symptom tracker, medication tracker, mood tracker, task challenger, as well as a to-do list. It is built on Self Care Catalyst’s popular Health Storylines platform, leveraged by a wide number of patient communities to improve self-care and management of chronic conditions. ADDA worked closely with Self Care Catalysts to develop a suite of health tools that would be relevant to adults with ADD/ADHD as well as the ADHD coaches who work with them, and tapped into its membership for early feedback on the mobile and web app. “For millions of adults living with ADHD, life is a continuous struggle. You feel alone. People without ADHD don’t, can’t, understand. They don’t get that ADHD affects every area of your life and there’s no end in sight,” says ADDA President, Evelyn Polk-Green. “ADDA Storylines gives people living with ADHD new coping strategies – and it’s accessible directly from their smart phone and computer. Early adopters of the app really liked the idea of adhering to a habit with ADDA Storyline’s routine builder tool. Members of our coaching community also immediately appreciated the concept of being able to communicate their storylines with their coaches, and to create a visual illustration of their milestones through the ‘My Storylines’ tool.” “ADDA Storylines can help my clients establish greater awareness, manage daily life routines, and connect with their circle of support,” says Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, Med, an AD/HD Coach. ADDA Storylines is officially launching today at [ACO](http://www.adhdcoaches.org/conference/), the ADHD Coaches Organization 2015 Conference. It is free, and you can sign-up [on the Web](https://adda.healthstorylines.com/app/#/login), or download the app on from Google PlayTM. ADDA Storylines can be accessed on desktop, laptop, mobile and tablet devices. It will be available in the App StoreSM in the coming weeks. ### About Attention Deficit Disorder Association The Attention Deficit Disorder Association provides information, resources and networking opportunities to help adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder lead better lives. We provide hope, empowerment and connections worldwide by bringing together science and the human experience for both adults with ADHD and professionals who serve them. For more information visit us on the web at [www.add.org](http://www.add.org/) Google Play is a trademark of Google Inc. App Store is a service mark of Apple Inc. ### About Self Care Catalysts Self Care Catalysts is a health solutions company powered by patient intelligence and analytics. We find the consumer within the patient. Our mission is to build innovative, patient-centered, and technology-driven self-care solutions for patients and meaningful analytics and insights for healthcare organizations and pharmaceutical companies. For more information visit us on the web at [www.selfcarecatalysts.com](http://www.selfcarecatalysts.com/) ### Social Media Links [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/ADHDAdult) [Twitter](https://twitter.com/adultadhd) [LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/pub/attention-deficit-disorder-association/49/ba2/811) Media Contact: Ellyn Winters-Robinson Ignition Inc. (PR for Self Care Catalysts) Email M 519.574.2196 **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [Cataloging wins and Practice Positive Self-talk (with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/cataloging-wins-and-practice-positive-self-talk-with-caroline-maguire-m-ed-accg-pcc/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Register below for a webinar on DBT for adults with ADHD on Thursday, October 31, at 1pm ET. Sign up and receive the free webinar replay link as well! **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Caroline Maguire Helps Us Make Friends](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire-helps-us-make-friends/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Friendship. It’s a word that evokes warmth, nostalgia, and—if we’re honest—a twinge of confusion. Because once upon a time, it was effortless. A shared lunch, a game of tag, and suddenly, a best friend was born. But then, something happened. Adulthood. And with it came the slow realization that making and keeping friends isn’t just harder—it’s an entirely different proposition. We’ve heard the lamentations before: Why is this so difficult? Why do friendships slip away? Why does it feel like rejection when it’s just… life? Enter Caroline Maguire. She is no stranger to the complexities of human connection. A coach, a teacher, and the award-winning author of Why Will No One Play with Me?, Caroline has made it her life’s work to decode the unspoken rules of friendship—especially for those with ADHD. Today, she returns to the podcast with answers and a roadmap. What if the secret to adult friendships isn’t just about finding the right people, but about understanding the invisible structures that hold relationships together? What if the problem isn’t you, but the way we misjudge who is truly a friend? What if, in our rush to connect, we’re skipping the essential steps that turn acquaintance into ally? From the hidden psychology of trust to the overlooked power of consistency, this episode pulls back the curtain on the friendships we crave—and the ones we lose. Pete wrestles with the ghosts of old friendships, Nikki examines the seasons of connection, and Caroline offers not just wisdom, but action. Because friendship, like any great endeavor, requires more than just longing. It requires intention. **Links & Notes** - Caroline Maguire on Instagram: @authorcarolinem - Why Will No One Play With Me? by Caroline Maguire - Join the Taking Control: The ADHD Discord Community - Support the Show on Patreon - (00:00) – Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast - (01:36) – Support the Show: Become a Patron.. Please? 🙂 - (02:21) – Introducing Caroline Maguire - (03:36) – What makes a friend? - (09:48) – Different Friends for Different Seasons - (25:06) – Anxious Over-correction - (27:43) – How Apps Change Friend-finding - (33:14) – What do we do? - (44:48) – Learn More **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Caroline Maguire "Why will no one play with me?"](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire-why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** There’s nothing worse than having your child in pain and not knowing what to do about it. Caroline Maguire, a personal coach who works with children struggling with executive function weakness, can help, at least with all the social ills that plague almost every child at one time or another! The author of *Why Will No One Play with Me?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive* is a parent-friendly guide to help caregivers know what the professionals know but in jargon-free, user-friendly terms to coach their kid through any social situation. As a parent of four kids, I wish I had this book earlier in my life! **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Oversharing & Underinvesting: The Social Traps That Snare ADHD Adults (with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed.)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/oversharing-underinvesting-the-social-traps-that-snare-adhd-adults-with-caroline-maguire-m-ed/) **Published:** March 31, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this hour-long webinar with ADDitude, Caroline Maguire talks about the social traps and friendship foibles that impact adults with ADHD, whose inattention, impulsivity, or emotional dysregulation may strain connections with others **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** How can you tell if your child needs social skills coaching? If your child struggles to make new friends or is persistently left out, this video explains how and when to work collaboratively around friendships. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [Building Friendships and Social Skills with Carolne Magire, PCC, M. Ed.](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/building-friendships-and-social-skills-with-carolne-magire-pcc-m-ed/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Friendships are such a wonderful and special part of life. From memory making to going through the highs and lows with your peers makes life so much richer. As a child, learning social skills and how friendships fit is a huge learning curve as they go through their childhood and find their ‘people’. As a parent, how do you connect and how do you teach your kids basic social skills and about what a great friendship can be? Today Janine is joined by Caroline Maguire and in this episode they discuss: The importance of friendship How as a parent you connect with your child Talking about your friendships as part of teaching social skills Being a social spy What you want out of a friendship The power of role play games Resilience and friendship The myths around best friends How Caroline rests and relaxes **About The Guest – Caroline Maguire** Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed., is an award-winning author, coach, teacher, and keynote speaker whose work has inspired important conversations about social skills, friendship and belonging. She earned her undergraduate degree at Trinity College and her Masters of Education at Lesley University. Caroline has been a rock for thousands of people who struggle to make friends. Her book “Why Will No One Play With Me?” has won several awards, including the Best Book Award from American Book Fest, Mom’s Choice Award for Honoring Excellence, and Book Authority’s award for Best ADHD Books of All Time. carolinemaguireauthor.com > [How to Strengthen Executive Function Skills in Early Childhood](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/strengthen-executive-function-skills-early-childhood/) Caroline Maguire – YouTube Caroline Maguire – Facebook Caroline Maguire – Instagram — Resources mentioned in the podcast episode: Why Will No One Play with Me? By Caroline Maguire **About The Host – Janine Halloran** Janine Halloran is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, an author, a speaker, an entrepreneur and a mom. As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Janine has been working primarily with children, adolescents, and their families for over 20 years. She is the Founder of ‘Coping Skills for Kids’, where she creates products and resources to help kids learn to cope with their feelings in safe and healthy ways. Janine also founded ‘Encourage Play’ which dedicated to helping kids learn and practice social skills in the most natural way – through play! If you’re interested in learning more about how to teach kids coping skills, download your free Coping Skills Toolkit: https://copingskillsforkids.com/newsletter The Coping Skills Hub has everything you need to teach kids coping skills, learn more at https://copingskillsforkids.com/hub If you’d like to purchase Janine’s products, including the Coping Skills for Kids Workbook, Coping Skills for Teens Workbook, Social Skills for Kids Workbook, Coping Cue Cards, and more, visit https://store.copingskillsforkids.com or https://amazon.com/copingskillsforkids **Connect with Janine on Social Media** Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/janinehalloranlmhc Instagram @janine\_halloran and @copingskillsforkids YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JanineHalloranLMHC Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/encourageplay/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/janine-halloran-43787b7b/ **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Show Your Kids Healthy Communication](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/show-your-kids-healthy-communication/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Communicating: How the holidays are a great opportunity to show your kids healthy communication skills. 0:19 Meet Caroline Maguire. She is an author and total communication badass. She talks about showing our children proper communication during this holiday season. Don’t wait to show your kiddos healthy communication skills. Have you thought about how you communicate? How about how your communication skills influence how your children will communicate. 2:20 Why Will No One Play With Me? A book Caroline wrote as a guide to help guide parents to help their children with communication. She shares her nuggets with you in this book. Communication has drastically changed over the last twenty years. Part of this change is due to social media and we have children that are much more scheduled and they play less. So, they have less time to practice social skills that are not scripted. 3:55 Parents be aware of how you are communicating. You are modeling for your kiddos. Kids notice everything. Instead of being a house divided be more litigious and set rules of best practices. Also, try putting yourself in others’ shoes. We can always learn from each other and we need to listen. We need to talk about emotions and ask more questions. 6:55 Let’s stop jumping in to speak. Listen and then repeat or recap what the person said. This clarifying technique works so great with teenagers. Let’s not talk poorly about others. Anna Marie’s mom set a great example. Children are always listening. 8:35 Catch yourself! How your talking about the upcoming event or holiday get together. Talking poorly about others or speaking anxiously about an upcoming event can raise anxiety levels. This leads us into the festivities with a story we have already made up a story in our heads. This sets everyone up for stress. 10:05 We need to be more self-regulated. Are you self regulating your communications? What are your triggers? Check them and regulate them. Under pressure when you can self regulate you can communicate better. 11:18 Self-regulating skills. Know your triggers and take time to breathe, reflect, meditate, and reflect on your triggers if you already know them. We can’t control others but we can control how we respond vs. reacting. 12:49 How can you protect yourself from self-induced anxiety. Stop making up stories in your head. We all have stories around the holidays. These stories can turn any little comment into something way worse. We don’t know what someone else is feeling. 12:14 Don’t set yourself up for not having enough time to recoup. Give yourself time to recover events. Also, skip using words, “always” and “Never.” People will match your energy. 15:55 Parents use the holiday as an opportunity to teach your child communication. Get Carolines. 16:50 We all need coaches and we have more coaches today that are widely available and these coaches have more specific skills. Get Caroline’s Book: > [Homepage](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/) Signup for the Happy Whole You Newsletter: http://www.happywholeyou.com/explore Get Anna Marie’s Book (s): Stop Bullying Yourself!, B **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [ADHD, Lagging Executive Function Skills And The Social Hangover - steps to Ensure You Don't Feel Lonely or Isolated](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-lagging-executive-function-skills-and-the-social-hangover-steps-to-ensure-you-dont-feel-lonely-or-isolated/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In today’s TADD talk, Caroline Maguire, discusses, “ADHD, Lagging Executive Function Skills and the Social Hangover – Steps to Ensure You Don’t Feel Lonely or Isolated“ Enjoy! And if you enjoyed today’s TADD Talk, you’ll want to learn more about what Caroline has to offer. Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, holds a Master’s in Education with a concentration in SEL training and is the author of Why Will No One Play with Me?, the winner of 3 awards including the Best Parenting and Family Book 2020 as awarded by American Book Fest. As an author, speaker, media contributor, and founder of a social emotional learning methodology, her primary focus is to help people of all ages make friends and thrive. Follow her at @AuthorCarolineM **Media Taxonomies:** ADD --- ### [Teaching kids Social Skills with Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/teaching-kids-social-skills-with-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** - Likes - [Download](https://traffic.libsyn.com/secure/b32bfad7-29b4-49ee-952b-f9a8aee714a5/Wonderfully_Wired_With_Caroline_Maguire.mp3?dest-id=3475352 "Download") - Share For years, my guest Caroline Maguire wondered why nobody in the industry was serving Wonderfully Wired kids by explicitly teaching them social skills. As a Wonderfully Wired person herself, Caroline thought it was “bonkers,” that nobody was acknowledging how hard it was for these kids and teaching them the skills they were lacking. Wonderfully Wired kids often struggle to understand social rules: 1. They may feel like they’ve broken rules they didn’t know existed. 2. Feedback they receive can seem unexpected and confusing. Caroline emphasises that in her 20 years of experience, all the children she taught were more worried about belonging and being understood than their academic performance. She believes that developing the underlying executive functioning skills is key to helping kids live the fulfilling lives they aspire to. **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [TEDx talks](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/tedx-talks/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** How to read people using observational learning. Caroline Maguire, M. Ed., is the founder of a revolutionary Social Emotional Learning methodology that breaks down the complexity of human connection into easy, actionable steps. **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [The influence of ADHD on social skils | sorry, I missed this](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-influence-of-adhd-on-social-skils-sorry-i-missed-this/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Social skills can be challenging for people with ADHD. Whether it’s trouble with executive function, or anxiety from past situations, socializing can come with a lot of emotions. **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [TruStory FM](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/trustory-fm/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** These emotions of fear and uncertainty are amplified for them, and figuring out how to talk about both the disease and the isolation as unique events is becoming more critical in helping them to understand why we are living the way we are right now. **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [ADHD & Social Skills - How to read the room, increase your social radar | Guest Caroline Maguire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/adhd-social-skills-how-to-read-the-room-increase-your-social-radar-guest-caroline-maguire/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this episode, Caroline Maguire, Author of “Why will no one play with me”? talks to us about how to read the room, how to really understand what’s going on in social settings. Those of us with ADHD brain, that fast brain that can think of bazillion thoughts in seconds can get in trouble in social settings and feel awkward, or out of place or even worse it can cause us to lose a job or a business deal. We might come across as rude because we tend to interrupt too much. Or we can make people feel uncomfortable because we share too much and not to mention if we are in a middle of a story we can exhaust the listener because we have the urge to tell them all the little details of the story and not to mention we may even digress a few times because we thought of other related things to add to the story. So you get the picture! and I am sure you can relate. So how the heck do you “work a room”, “Manage a conversation?” and “win friends and influence people?” with an ADHD brain. Well, this episode will address a lot of these topics. Be sure to listen to the section where Caroline talks about friendships and the stages of friendship at the 24:00 minute mark and further goes into how to be an effective listener “be a social spy”. Get your pen and paper ready to take notes, the entire episode is full of insight and strategies About Caroline Maguire, ACCG, PCC, M.Ed. Caroline founded and facilitates a comprehensive SEL training methodology (#ConnectionMatters) for adults, parents, clinicians and academic professionals on how to develop critical social, emotional and communication skills, in themselves and in others. Caroline’s book [*Why Will No One Play With Me*](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-will-no-one-play-with-me)*?* is a playbook that includes foolproof scripts on how to communicate – with anyone, in any situation – and how to ensure the message registers with the recipient – no small task! Through her private practice, publications, lectures and workshops, her mission is to vanquish the devastating effects of feeling different and misunderstood. Caroline has been a resource for many journalists as well as leading ADHD organizations and can be seen in publications such as U.S. News & World Report, Huffington Post, ADDitude, Attention Magazine and WebMD. Please join her on [Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/CoachCarolineCM/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/coachcarolinecm/), [Linked In](https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachcarolinecm/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/CoachCarolineCM), [Medium](https://medium.com/@authorcarolinemaguire), [Pinterest](https://www.pinterest.com/CoachCarolineCM/) and download her free video “[How to Tell a Tighter Stor](https://www.carolinemaguireauthor.com/telling-a-tighter-story/)y” Be sure to leave a review of this podcast, your feedback means so much to me. \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Join our bi-weekly Group Coaching [**Quantum Thinkers’ ADHD Community**](https://www.readysetchoose.com/site/quantum-thinkers-community). Join our Quantum Thinkers’ ADHD Community for bi-weekly group coaching sessions. Tailored for professionals seeking guidance on managing ADHD in the workplace, Coach Cathy Rashidian offers valuable insights. Through her group coaching approach, she fosters growth and understanding among participants. Each session is limited to a maximum of 8 participants to ensure personalized attention. \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [ADDitude Magazine](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/additude-magazine-3/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** In this hour-long ADDitude webinar from 8/23/22, Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., discusses how to help children and teens with ADHD develop key social skills. She introduces proven coaching strategies that parents and teachers can use to encourage open communication and positive social behaviors. **Media Taxonomies:** Additude --- ### [WoodlyndeSchool](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/woodlyndeschool/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Presented by The Literacy Institute at Woodlynde School, this webinar by CHADD certified coach Caroline Maguire discusses tools to help teens feel connected, interpret social signals, and communicate their social and emotional needs. **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [10 Ways that Old Wisdom Makes New Sense, Boosting Kids’ Brainpower and Social Success](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-ways-that-old-wisdom-makes-new-sense-boosting-kids-brainpower-and-social-success/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Holidays have a way of wrapping childhood in a nostalgic glow, but we all know that modern life for our children is more complicated, competitive, and crazed than it has ever been for kids. So much of their life is shaped by possibilities and pressures that didn’t even exist a generation ago. If you’ve felt the past year was more high-pressured and stressful than you wish for your child (and you!), then the holidays offer a perfect time to pause and consider ways to shift to a saner lane of family life. No need to race to stay ahead of school and social trends or digital distractions. A growing body of scientific research shows that some simple “old-school” parenting wisdom holds new relevance for our children. Backyard play time. Grocery shopping. Shared meals. Storytime. It turns out that certain types of interactions and experiences, from infancy through adolescence, help the young brain develop the hub of skills essential for successful learning, social interaction, self-awareness, and empathy. These brain-based skills, called *executive function*, include memory, organization and planning, focusing attention, regulating emotions, and adapting to new situations. Certain aspects of kids’ hurried, high-pressure, and digital or online lives have reduced the time they spend actively engaged in other activities that are vital to robust brain development. There are many ways to help your child develop and strengthen these qualities of mind, but as the holidays remind us of traditions worth carrying forward, here are 10 that stand out as simple, time-honored, and with lasting benefits for kids. Not only are they great brain-boosters for your child, they’ll also bring your family closer, creating opportunities to make new memories and some new traditions of your own. **1.** **Cultivate conversation**. Talk with your child about simple, everyday things that matter to them. That may be about one of their favorite games or interests, music, friends, what they’d like for dinner, or their fantasy vacation. It may be about something going on at school or something that’s happened to them recently. Don’t wait for big issues or problems to prompt conversation. Simpler subjects help your child grow comfortable with face-to-face communication. They learn to read body language and facial expressions, pay attention, engage in the back and forth of sharing ideas, practice managing emotions and expressing feelings, take turns, understand another person’s point of view, and use listening as a channel for learning. Simple conversation starters: *What was your high today and what was your low? What was fun for you today? What did you eat for lunch?* **2.** **Make kids wait for things.** It does not have to be their birthday every day! Use [Amazon](https://www.huffpost.com/impact/topic/amazon) Prime less and have kids wait more. From fast food to wish lists, opt out of options that promote instant gratification. Allow things to take time. Practice the *when/then* mantra: “*When* you (finish the task, meet the milestone, save the money, put your toys away), *then* you (can have the reward). Teach patience as a virtue—and practice it. Learning to wait helps kids learn to self-regulate and manage emotions and impulses. **3.** **Celebrate first steps—and every step toward a goal.** Want to make new friends, run a race, read a big book or take a special trip? Show your child how every goal—no matter how small or grand—begins with a plan. Plans are the stepping stones that help you get where you want to go. Talk about small changes that can jump-start bigger ones. For New Year resolutions, tackle big goals by identifying smaller, more manageable ones that line the way. Avoid the all-or-nothing trap of setting excessive goals for a child. **4.** **Go outside and play!** Nature is an awesome teacher and a stress buster, too. Children learn through play, and when they play outdoors, they learn all the more about themselves and the larger world. Risk-taking, exploration, physical and mental skill-building, sensory experience and hands-on creative play: these are the some of the ABCs of brain development that will help your child listen and learn in class, get along with others, and adapt to changes in social and learning situations. **5.** **Play board games.** Have family fun nights and board game nights where you are present, relaxed and ready for a good time. These traditions make lasting memories of family and wholesome fun for fun’s sake. Your child also practices strategic thinking, anticipating other people’s behavior, emotional regulation and how to be a good sport, win or lose. **6.** **Create screen-free times or zones at home** when digital distractions are absent, and your child can enjoy unstructured free play or hanging out together “unmediated”—without media. Also put your phone away and take electronics out of the family spaces and bedrooms. Break the addictive habit of “just checking” for messages or responding to every ping when it interrupts a moment with your child or family. Silence your phone for meals or other times to deliberately be fully present to your child and others. Create a pact to allow more opportunities for outside time and less dependency on the Xbox for entertainment. Set conditions for recreational use of electronics—a media “allowance”—and otherwise limit use to homework and park their electronics in the kitchen. **7.** **Make reading a social activity in your family.** Give books, magazines, and newspapers a print presence in your home; model reading and talking about books and articles an enjoyable shared tradition. Whatever your digital or online reading habits, also give your child the experience of the printed page as a source of fun, information, and things to talk about. Subscribe to a children’s magazine—there are many wonderful ones!—so your child can look forward to checking the mailbox and discovering something there just for them. With online activity, it’s easy to get lost and drift into endless diversions. A book or magazine in hand helps your child experience how it feels to stay focused, as well as get lost in a single worthwhile story or subject. Your interest in hearing about what they’re reading, and talking about it, is a win-win for everyone. **8.** **Pitch in, help out.** Show your child that team work begins at home—it’s not something you save for the soccer field or after-school clubs. Meals, housework, helping a neighbor or a friend in need. It’s never too early to teach your child that families and communities need everyone’s contribution to thrive. This is a positive way for them to see the bigger picture, recognize their role in the “something larger” and how their behavior affects others. **9.** **Give an allowance—and a bonus option so your child can do more to earn more.** There’s a boatload of advice out there on the benefits of giving your child an allowance to teach work and financial responsibility. I suggest you go one step further: a bonus board. Nothing motivates like desire, and a simple bonus incentive system gives your child a way to do more and earn more to reach a goal. (See #2). Eliminate whining and negotiation by listing extra tasks your child can do, and the bonus (cash or points or whatever your household currency). This will sharpen your child’s skills for planning, organization, anticipating cause and effect, and achieving goals. **10.** **Talk about choices and character.** Be a good citizen first. Talk about stories of helping others. For example—the cross-country runner who was going to place first but turned back to help a struggling friend and they crossed the finish line together. Focus on the process, not the result. This helps your child see beyond grades or winning as the sole measure of someone’s worth, and shows them that people (including themselves) can shine in many other ways. Being able to see people with different strengths and different thoughts in a larger, positive context can help your child understand why other people respond the way they do, and helps develop metacognition–taking a birds-eye view of a situation and seeing that all things connect. **Media Taxonomies:** Featured --- ### [10 Emotional Learning Skills to Inspire Resilience in Your Kid](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/10-emotional-learning-skills-to-inspire-resilience-in-your-kid/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Tired of hearing “kids are resilient”? If that’s the case, why are so many still struggling with emotional fallout, post-pandemic? ## The resilience narrative For the past two-plus years, parents have watched helplessly as children of all ages struggled with mental health issues. Over and over again some folks would say simply “kids are resilient” when we parents voiced our growing concerns. But is this really true? Resiliency is developed, nurtured, and fostered through adult attention. When interactions were limited or removed, many of the outlets and resources were also limited and removed. Just like adult workers have reached unprecedented levels of workplace burnout, so have kids. Grappling with the downstream and long-term impact of limited in-person learning, play opportunities, and stifled social interactions, kids have reached an unprecedented level of “resilience burnout.” The demands of keeping calm, positive, on-track, and forward-thinking while the world as they knew it crumbled around them have left many currently spiraling into depression and anxiety. ## mindbodygreen Functional Nutrition Training Learn how to use food as medicine with a cutting-edge nutrition deep dive taught by the world’s foremost health & wellness experts. Learn more about [mindbodygreen’s Functional Nutrition Training](https://institute.mindbodygreen.com/functional-nutrition-training?itc_content=57970 "mindbodygreen's Functional Nutrition Training"). 00:51 09:44 The evidence acquired during and after the height of the pandemic shows [that our kids are not “OK.”](https://www.apa.org/monitor/2022/01/special-childrens-mental-health) There are developmental delays, academic learning gaps, mental health providers at capacity, self-harm, and substance use proliferation. Extremely alarmingly, there was an [increase of 50% in hospital admissions for suicide attempts among teenage girls](https://www.cnbc.com/2021/06/11/suicide-attempts-among-young-girls-surge-by-more-than-50percent-during-pandemic-cdc-says-.html); a 24% rise in mental health emergency room visits for children ages 5 to 11 (March 2020 to October 2020), and the deadliest stretch on record for overdose deaths all point to a profound mental health fallout for children. ## What is resilience and how is it acquired? Resilience is the ability to problem-solve and move forward. It requires perseverance, the capacity to handle adversity, a resilient mindset, strong emotional coping skills, and the self-belief in the fortitude to overcome the situation. Research shows that [resilient children](https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/15/03/science-resilience) have at least one caring and supportive adult in their lives. This adult demonstrates how to effectively cope with stress, problem-solve, identify emotions, relate to others, make good decisions, and experience empathy and acceptance. ## Why the resilient narrative didn’t and doesn’t hold up In many instances, this caring adult is a teacher, academic adviser, or counselor. The resilience narrative assumes children have this adult, yet school shutdowns actually prevented millions of children from having this adult mentoring, not to mention essential services and support. This is particularly concerning for the children who are at risk and rely on accommodations. In addition, the resilience narrative is contingent on kids self-actualizing and independently rising to challenges, yet food insecurity, uncertainty, layoffs, child care constraints, and loss of safe school environments and resources have instead left kids without the internal resources to overcome adversity. Resilience assumes that children feel the emotional connection to this adult and are confident they can and will help them through the hard times, yet a majority of teens report that they feel no one understands what they are going thro ## Children are not naturally resilient The “Resilient Child” is a myth. It is time to face the uncomfortable truth that we shape their resiliency. Adults are the gatekeepers between a child in crisis and one that becomes a successful, thriving adult. Children have little control over their own lives, so almost every experience is the result of adult behavior. When something frightening happens, they may not have the skills to draw upon. We may think they are resilient because they go silent, but rest assured, they are internalizing how they feel. These poor coping strategies may inevitably affect their psyches. ## The solution: Be “that adult” If only we could quickly and easily return to the predictability of the past, but unfortunately, the “back to normal” ship has sailed. Today, we are faced with a new frontier, one that looks unlike anything we have seen before. As we move toward uncharted territory, we do have tools that can help us forge new skills. Combining resilience training strategies is the key to ensuring all children have the ability to bounce back from this major life detour. ## Social-emotional learning skills to build resilience at home and at school: #### 1. Be “that adult” We can’t expect kids to figure out resiliency alone. When we model empathy, overcoming adversity, genuine concern, attentive listening, and the ability to cope with disappointment and adversity, we positively affect the child’s resiliency development. #### 2. Encourage a resilient mindset Model and encourage children to spend energy on finding a solution rather than blaming others or (yourself). Kids with a resilient mindset are more likely to take healthy risks because they have confidence in their abilities and instincts. Emphasize that when we push ourselves outside our comfort zone, we often land in rewarding scenarios. As resilience is a skill, it means that with practice, anyone can get better at it. #### 3. Name the emotion One of the best gifts you can give a child is helping them identify an emotion. In order to avoid falling into a reactive, catastrophizing cycle, help the child first name the emotion, create distance from the experience, and build self-regulation skills by engaging their rational, neocortex “wise brain” thinking and loosening the grip of the adrenaline-pumping amygdala. #### 4. Learn from past mistakes Who hasn’t made a mistake? Yet if we don’t learn from them, we fall prey to not only repeating them but also slowing our personal development journey. Coach the child to recall a time when they overcame something difficult, how they did it, and how it made them feel. Help them extract and utilize the lessons they learned from planning, speaking up, problem-solving, and self-calming. #### 5. Calibrate the stress level Model how to recognize which sources of stress are under our control and which are not. Help the child calibrate how big the problem feels, how big it really is, and how they can use their strengths to cope with it. #### 6. Refuse to be a victim Do not shield children from setbacks and disappointments. Negative “coping” strategies such as withdrawing, yelling, denying, or blaming are counterproductive to positive problem-solving. Instead of falling into the “why me” cycle, demonstrate how a “cup half full” attitude can actually enable us to control our emotions and how we approach problems. #### 7. Impart problem-solving techniques With a knowledgeable and empathetic adult, children can engage in age-appropriate ways to approach problems logically. Demonstrate how, in the midst of a crisis, resilient people create a plan to move out of a bad situation, then how to use strengths to manage the situation, avoid overwhelm, and implement that plan step by step. Walk through a problem and take a bird’s-eye view of all the factors involved and how each can be addressed specifically. #### 8. Nurture a culture of connection In the classroom or on the field, no one will put themselves into the mix unless they feel happy and accepted; until they do, kids won’t really get all they need from the experience. Help kids build social skills so they can form friendships and bonds with their peers by making small talk, smiling, looking up, asking questions, staying off the phone, etc. In order for kids to become their best selves, they need human connection. #### 9. Model a healthy lifestyle Resilience is not possible without a healthy mind and body. Be certain to explain the importance of sleep, diet, exercise, and more. During stressful times, be sure to model positive coping styles and try to avoid substances yourself. #### 10. Get help when needed Even the most experienced parent needs outside support sometimes. Seek out a good counselor when a child is in crisis to help them get the support to grow strong again. ## The takeaway Nurturing resilience is the key to ensuring children have the ability to bounce back from disappointment, setbacks, larger challenges and adversity. It is the job of adults everywhere to stand up and take the baton to coach children on the social-emotional building blocks that foster resilience. Just as we can’t expect kids to just “get over it,” we can’t expect them to naturally be resilient. If we wait any longer, we can be almost certain that more damage will ensue. **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ### [The Dr. Sheryl Show](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/the-dr-sheryl-show/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** She is a passionate personal coach, author, teacher, and speaker whose work has inspired important conversations about social skills in elementary and middle schools across the U.S. **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Episode 309: The Frienship Playbook: Building Connection on Your Own Terms](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/episode-309-the-frienship-playbook-building-connection-on-your-own-terms/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** “The playbooks we were given for the path to friendship just don’t work for us. You are okay as you are, and there are people who will appreciate you for exactly how your brain works. **Media Taxonomies:** Podcast --- ### [Ask the Expert: My child has no friends – what can I do to help?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/medias/ask-the-expert-my-child-has-no-friends-what-can-i-do-to-help/) **Published:** April 1, 2026 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Content:** Many children struggle with friendship– helping them to develop skills in making friends is an area where parents have a key role **Media Taxonomies:** News --- ## Products ### [Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) **Published:** September 9, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Building a conversation from saying hello to a full-fledged discussion is hard for some people, but it is an important life skill. **Content:** Conversation techniques all share a common thread: a reciprocal give-and-take. This infographic is created to draw awareness to how we talk and the impact this has on how relationships are built. Building a conversation from saying hello to a full-fledged discussion is hard for some people, but it is an important life skill. Consider the opportunities in daily life such as standing on the sidelines at a soccer game,shopping in box stores and malls, standing in line at the grocery store, going to barbeques as a chance to build a conversation. **Product categories:** Infographics --- ### [Coaching Conversations Video Course](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) **Published:** September 12, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios. Self-Study. **Content:** As a parent or educator, you may be reading [*Why Will No One Play With Me?* ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)and have questions about what coaching looks and feels like in real life. This course will provide you with more guidance and a real sense of how to have conversations with a child, teen or young adult. ## What makes my training different? Unlike other coaching programs, my course shows you real kids in action having real-world reactions and responses. No one else does this. These are the words of real children and real situations I encountered, taken word for word. You will see that conversations can be brief, can lead to big realizations and that it takes repeated conversations to move your child forward. ## Videos Included: #### Starting the Coaching Conversation - This is a real-world conversation so parents can hear what a coaching conversation sounds like and how the conversation brings to light the child’s realizations and also helps the parent understand their perspective and the stories that get in the way of the child moving forward. As featured in Why Will No One Play With Me? these stories are essential for your child to address in order to understand the social world and move forward. #### Coaching Conversation- how it’s done #### Social Spy - Learn HOW To introduce the concept of Social Spy, and how to manage your child’s concerns around spying activities. The mission is to to obtain specific social information. Rehearse ahead of time how to watch other people in a subtle, covert way and to listen without looking like you are eavesdropping. The idea is to read the room to learn crucial information about peers such as how they dress, what they talk about as well as how to observe and notice other people’s behavior, mood and energy. #### 5 Additional Coaching Tips To Manage: Tone, Aha, Shrug, Eye Contact, and Experiment Each of these videos addresses a specific concern or issue you may face when coaching your child. - - The tone your child may take while discussing social concerns - Reacting to surprises that come up in conversation - Struggling with enthusiasm or buy in - Eye contact during coaching conversations - The value of experimenting with your child. This video course will give you simple, easy to follow tips to change how you interact with your child. Nothing is instant, but these tips have been proven time and again to improve parent-child and teacher-child communication for the better. Get started on the right path to coaching the kids you love today. **Product categories:** Courses, Parents, Videos --- ### [Joining a Group Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) **Published:** September 16, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Make joining a group less intimidating - and more fun! **Content:** Joining a group can be one of the most intimidating things we do. We are individuals yet we are also members of groups. In this infographic, we show how to identify, approach, engage and contribute to a dynamic society that is in constant transition. **Product categories:** Infographics, Parents --- ### [Executive Function Questionnaire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/executive-function-questionnaire/) **Published:** September 16, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:**15 Phrases to Start Conversations About Friendship with Your Child or Teen
**Content:** Conversations have to start somewhere. Use these 15 conversation starters when talking about how to evaluate and value friendships. **Product categories:** Handouts, Parents --- ### [Rusty Social Skills Questionnaire](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-questionnaire/) **Published:** September 16, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Does your child have RUSTY SOCIAL SKILLS? **Content:** If you answer positively to 5 or more of these questions, then you may want to help your child strengthen her social emotional skills. Your child may have always been shy or reserved, but after COVID, your child’s social skills may now be rusty. **Product categories:** Questionnaires --- ### [Steps for Joining a Group Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) **Published:** September 16, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join any group, at any age. **Content:** Finally! You have been asking for this video for years! Learn how to be a contributing team member to any group! The obstacles – real and perceived – to joining a group will be detailed and demonstrated by real people. I address how welcoming, as well as less-inviting situations can be approached. **Product categories:** Videos --- ### [Moving from Hi to Full Conversation - eBook](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) **Published:** September 16, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** HOW TO initiate small talk. **Content:** CONNECTION REQUIRES ACTION! Connection means you have to take steps to reach out to people and mix in. But that can be hard. This e-book will help you meet new people, chat with them and move to a real friendship. We’ve all heard the sayings: “Money doesn’t fall from trees,” “The early bird gets the worm,” “Make new friends but keep the old.” What do they have in common? They require action! You don’t just sit on the couch and get rich (unless you are a youtuber or creating some new and improved way to work from home – stocks are super-hot now during COVID!)… but I digress… My goal in this post is to implore you to reach out to make and cultivate friends. Friends come in all forms and from all places: your kid’s school, neighbors, coworkers, place of worship, online, etc. I say connection is a verb because it requires action. You can’t make someone else do something, this is up to you, and it’s especially pressing now during social distancing. How do you make friends? It can be easy for some of us, and painful for others – just implore the isolated friend to “just call him!” What seems “easy” for you became an exercise loaded with details, dread and potential rejection. Building the skills to make, and keep friends, takes time…. But it is Oh, So Worth It. Read more about **[Connection](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/connection-is-a-verb/).** **Product categories:** eBooks --- ### [Calming Intrusive Thoughts - Handout](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/calming-intrusive-thoughts-handout/) **Published:** October 11, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Learn why we have intrusive thoughts and how to stop them before they induce anxiety and derail our day. **Content:** Unwanted thoughts can be distressing. When we engage unwanted, distressing thoughts we lose our ability to read cues, reach out and connecting meaningfully. Learn why we have these thoughts and how to stop them *before* they induce anxiety and derail our day. **Product categories:** eBooks, Freebies, Handouts --- ### [Intensity Meter](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/intensity-meter/) **Published:** October 18, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** My Free Gift to You: I have invented the Intensity Meter so you can figure out How Intense Does It Feel? Use this tool to recognize intense reactions and help calm your brain and body from the negative impact of rejection sensitivity. **Content:** Future planning is the key to strategizing ways of softening or eliminating a *flight, flight, or freeze* response. To help avoid these intense reactions and calm your brain and body in the moment, I have invented the **Intensity Meter** so you can figure out ***How Intense Does It Feel?*** How intense this reaction feels in your body indicates which strategy you need to use in order to restore oxygen and blood back to the deeper regions of the brain. When you experience Rejection Sensitivity, you have a heightened reaction to a real, perceived or even anticipated event, person or situation. This reaction feels all-consuming and mammoth inside you and it’s crushing – even crippling! Let’s help you avoid these intense reactions! Read my post on [Rejection Sensitivity](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/rejection-sensitivity-adhd/) and watch my video on [Rejection Sensitivity](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRpSEvwIBo0e2IOXOcDu5PNhpsA0yukvY) **Product categories:** eBooks, Freebies, Handouts --- ### [Play Better Webinar](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/play-better-webinar/) **Published:** October 23, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Play Better 3-Part Webinar series Diving even deeper into the scientifically developed materials professional use, learn how to coach and collaborate with any child or teen Don’t let the word “Play” fool you - this series includes detailed advice, exercises and activities that can easily be adapted to any age. Follow along in the book, Why Will No One Play with Me? to gain an even deeper understanding of the principles that professionals use regularly when addressing social emotional development. **Content:** Welcome to the Play Better Webinar series – Coaching HOW TO nurture connections! Parents and educators deserve to understand what the professional know so YOU can help a child witness – for themselves -what their own beliefs and experiences mean and how to nurture connections. Follow along, chapter by chapter in [*Why Will No One Play with Me?*](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/), yet note – this material **dives even deeper** into the already packed content, exercises and recommendations found in the book. What you will learn in the Play Better Webinar series: - The importance of executive function and how it affects social skills and future thinking – key elements to healthy emotional development. - Perspective Taking and Understanding the Inner Emotional Live of Others. Expanded exercises from the book include: - - Reading between the lines and Paving the way – both designed to help you shift your communication style with your child to improve collaboration. Let’s work together to discover the connection between health and friendship so you – or your child – can better develop and nurture connections. Jump in. Tab the pages. Equip yourself. We got this! ### Enjoy this Preview! **Product categories:** Courses, Parents **Product tags:** Webinars --- ### [Building Strong Social, Emotional and Behavioral Skills](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-strong-social-emotional-and-behavioral-skills/) **Published:** October 23, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Learn the fundamental SEL elements to making friends, managing anger / disappointment, and building empathy. **Content:** What is Social Emotional Learning? It can be defined as how we act, how we relate to others, and how we make responsible choices. Learn the essential elements involved in building strong social, emotional and behavioral skills. ## SEL is a critical factor to lifelong success We are not born with these skills and behaviors, but they can be learned and nurtured to influence positive changes that are almost immediately recognizable. ### Critical SEL skills [Collaborative for Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL)](http://www.casel.org/) research shows that SEL programming can have positive impacts on school climate by enhancing academic, emotional, and social benefits for students. In addition, SEL is a critical factor to lifelong success as it is a critical component of employment stability. ### Social Emotional Behavioral Learning Resources [What is Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and Why is it so Important During COVID?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/why-is-social-emotional-learning-important-during-covid/) [Self-Awareness in Social Emotional Learning (SEL)](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/self-awareness-in-social-emotional-learning-sel/) **Product categories:** Educators and Schools, Handouts --- ### [Educator Bundle](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/educator-bundle/) **Published:** October 23, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** Four of the most requested worksheets by educators from Why Will No One Play with Me? **Content:** Four of the most requested worksheets by educators from *[Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **Product categories:** Bundles, Educators and Schools, Handouts, Infographics --- ### [How To Coach Your Child - An Innovative Program For Parents](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) **Published:** October 23, 2021 **Author:** Michael Hollywood **Excerpt:** How to Coach Your Child Bundle - Learn HOW TO get kids to listen, open up, talk, collaborate, take advice and problem solve. ($35.00 value for $19.99) **Content:** Once again, the dialog between you and your child or teen has come to an abrupt halt. How can you get your child or teen to engage in a conversation – especially one that is tough to broach? In How to Coach Your Child Bundle, a program for parents, I coach you on exactly HOW TO get kids to listen, open up, talk, collaborate, take advice and problem solve. I give you the boots-on-the-ground-roadmap that I have honed over years of working with kids of all ages. In this package, you will learn how to: - Discern whether this is a topic that should be brought up - When to bring it up - How to set the stage - What to anticipate and how to respond with rebuttal / denial / refusal / insolence / sass / anger - Use proven professional coaching tools - Encourage, motivate, and problem solve with your child or teen.This does not have to be trial and error; this is the way to get kids to listen, open up, talk, collaborate, take advice and problem solve ## **How to Coach Your Child, Program for Parents Bundle Contents ($35.00 value for $19.99)** **How to Get Your Child or Teen to Open Up ($2.99)** **15 Friendship Conversation Starters ($2.99)** **How to Use Open Questions and Reflective Listening Infographic ($2.99)** **Ten Ways to Be Social Handout ($2.99)** **Interactive Conversation Guide ($2.99)** **Videos: ($19.99)** - **Starting the Coaching Conversation** - This is a real-world conversation so parents can hear what a coaching conversation sounds like and how the conversation brings to light the child’s realizations and also helps the parent understand their perspective and the stories that get in the way of the child moving forward. As featured in Why Will No One Play With Me? these stories are essential for your child to address in order to understand the social world and move forward. - **Coaching Conversation** - **Social Spy** - Learn HOW To introduce the concept of Social Spy, and how to manage your child’s concerns around spying activities. The mission is to to obtain specific social information. Rehearse ahead of time how to watch other people in a subtle, covert way and to listen without looking like you are eavesdropping. The idea is to read the room to learn crucial information about peers such as how they dress, what they talk about as well as how to observe and notice other people’s behavior, mood and energy. - **5 Additional Coaching Tips: Tone, Aha, Shrug, Eye Contact, and Experiment** - Each of these videos addresses a specific concern or issue you may face when coaching your child. - The tone your child may take while discussing social concerns - Reacting to surprises that come up in conversation - Struggling with enthusiasm or buy in - Eye contact during coaching conversations - The value of experimenting with your child. #### More Social Skills Resources and Program for Parents : [How to Talk to Kids About Anything](https://drrobynsilverman.com/how-to-help-kids-learn-friendship-skills-and-avoid-social-isolation-with-caroline-maguire-rerelease/) [Why Will No One Play with Me?](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/) **Product categories:** Bundles, Courses, Videos --- ### [Path to Intimacy - Sharing Depending on the Types of Relationships](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/path-to-intimacy-sharing-depending-on-the-types-of-relationships/) **Published:** January 26, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** How you talk, what you share and how your feel are closely related to the extent of intimacy you have with that person. **Content:** Intimacy plays a role in other types of relationships. it is the closeness between people in personal relationships. It’s what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other, and feel more and more comfortable during your time together. It can include physical or emotional closeness, or even a mix of the two. Your relationships with family, friends, and other trusted individuals all include elements of intimacy. How you talk, what you share and how your feel are closely related to the extent of intimacy you have with that person. **Product categories:** Adults --- ### [How and What to Say Depending on Level of Familiarity - eBook](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-and-what-to-say-to-whom/) **Published:** March 3, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** WHAT you say is dependent on WHO you are saying it to and the level of familiarity. Learn how to tailor a message appropriately. **Content:** ## **Practice alongside me HOW TO communicate with someone depending on your level of familiarity.** *I role-play with an actor a scenario that may look very familiar to you!* Do you have a tendency to overemphasize, speak too quickly, loudly or intrusively? In this ebook/ workbook, I provide detailed presentations and scripts on HOW TO say things differently depending on your audience’s level of familiarity. You will fill in the blanks as you practice how to say things in a more neutral way. Connection is a verb! If you aren’t taking action and not “getting out there” – it’s much harder to connect with people. Let’s learn the opportunities to get “Out There” -frequently. It’s something that we all deserve. It all goes back to self regulation. I hope that you have a wonderful experience connecting and remember that it is a journey. **Product categories:** eBooks **Product tags:** adults --- ### [Become More Emotionally Intelligent and Read the Room](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/become-more-emotionally-intelligent-and-read-the-room/) **Published:** March 7, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:**EQ matters just as much as IQ. Learn how you can boost your emotional intelligence, build stronger relationships, and achieve your goals.
**Content:** ## Emotionally intelligent people just plain out-perform others. Emotionally intelligent people have more friends, more creative outlets and they report a greater level of happiness. They tend to get better grades and better jobs that are tailored to their strengths. Those with lower self-awareness have a tougher time to calibrate their strengths and weaknesses. ## What is Reading the Room and How Good Are you at It? It is scanning the room for energy, facial expressions and context in order to interpret what is going on – in the room, lives and the world as a whole. This works both virtually and in person. Effectively Reading the Room allows you to adapt to varied situations, read non-verbal cues and better tailor your message. As a world, we are reaching a social crisis. Stress, loneliness, uncertainty and political divide are just some of the recent demands influencing our ability to Read the Room. In this new emotionally-charged climate, we need to take perspective more than ever.Some people Read the Room easily, while some don’t. Now, with the extra layer of masks, it can be even more nuanced than ever. ### Reading the Room Elements: - Social Spy - Who is Your Audience - Perspective Taking - Reading the Mood - Context - Empathy - Written Communication - Practice, Practice #### More actionable advice, exercises and videos can be found in the [Store](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/) [**Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.**](https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/02/03/adhd-relationships-social-capital-tips/) [**How to Coach Your Child**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/how-to-coach-your-child-bundle/) – Kids need good role models. Skills like listening and communication are critical. This exclusive program for parents teaches how to coach your kids for life. [**Rusty Social Skills Bundle**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/rusty-social-skills-bundle/) – Everything you need to help students return to the classroom for the development of critical social skills. [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** **– HOW TO help children build social skill**s **[How to Help the Socially Awkward Kid](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/caroline-maguire/how-to-help-socially-awkward-kid-socialize)** **Product categories:** Adults, Handouts **Product tags:** adults --- ### [Meeting People with Confidence](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/meeting-people-with-confidence/) **Published:** May 11, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** This self-study course teaches you how to build the skills to feel confident meeting new people and engaging in conversations. **Content:** ## **Introducing Yourself to People You Don’t Know – How Confident are You?** ### #### I feel incredibly blessed to have found the most amazing group of friends… but it sure wasn’t easy at first. When you go to a friend of a friend’s party or meet colleagues from your new job for dinner, you may be consumed with thoughts of how you don’t fit in or that you can’t seem to utter anything intelligent. We all want to be the “cool ones” (as did our younger selves) and not even give a second thought to other people’s judgments — but, it happens. ### **The voice in our heads can get the better of us.** Learning how to feel confident meeting new people can be intimidating especially if you don’t enjoy unfamiliar social situations. Self-doubt, holding back and subjecting ourselves to negative personal analysis can stop us from approaching others. ### How to build confidence Confidence isn’t about superficial stuff. It comes from knowing that you have the knowledge, tools, wisdom and demeanor that make others want to be with you. The way we feel about ourselves impacts directly on the way we interact with others. If we feel happy and at ease, conversation flows freely. When we feel anxious and overwhelmed, we clam up. ### How do you overcome shyness and introversion? Luckily, when you practice the proven methods in **Meeting People with Confidence**, you can learn how to overcome the voice in your head and build confidence. Based on content that I have been giving for several years, the self-study course is designed to help you finally move away from the destructive patterns you’ve developed in your relationships – even if you feel you’re really in a rut. **This is the information and tools professionals use with real clients!** **And as someone who tends toward the self-critical, I am very pleased to say these suggestions worked for me!** **This information has changed lives. Now you can do it at your own pace.** ## Contents: #### **Moving from Hi to Full Conversation – eBook** HOW TO initiate small talk. I say connection is a verb because it requires action. You can’t make someone else do something. It’s up to you. How do you make friends? It can be easy for some of us, and painful for others – just implore the isolated friend to “just call him!” What seems “easy” for you became an exercise loaded with details, dread and potential rejection. Building the skills to make, and keep friends, takes time…. But it is Oh, So Worth It. > [Moving from Hi to Full Conversation – eBook](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) #### **Steps for Joining a Group – Video** Learn step by step instructions on how to overcome obstacles – real and perceived – to joining a group, demonstrated by real people.Learn how to be a contributing team member to any group! > [Steps for Joining a Group Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) #### **Building a Conversation – Infographic** Building a conversation from saying hello to a full-fledged discussion is hard for some people, but it is an important life skill. Learn the fine art of a reciprocal give-and-take. > [Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/) #### **Joining a Group – Infographic** Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! We’re individuals, yet we are also members of groups. In this infographic, we show how to identify, approach, engage and contribute to a dynamic society that is in constant transition. > [Joining a Group Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) ## **Why Do You Need This Support?** As we consider how to best nurture positive responses, we must also reflect upon the reality of life in the 21st Century: adulting is tough. Busy lives are a given, but the prioritizing of social skills coaching will be an investment for years to come. ## **Tailor This Coaching to Your Needs** Caroline’s products center around a proven framework that helps you individualize social skills building experiences while allowing you to be creative and flexible in meeting your needs. ## **This is Social Learning in Action** Let’s work together to become your best self: socially engaged, confident, and open to the unlimited world of learning, connection and life. ### More Adult Social Skills Training Resources: **[Caroline’s Speaking Services on this topic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/speaking/#trainings-and-topics)** **[How](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)[ To Read the Room So You’re More Confident Around](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/) [Your](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)[ Co-workers](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-read-the-room-so-youre-more-confident-around-your-co-workers/)** **[Social Skills Training Products](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/store/)** **[Adult with ADHD: Stop Oversharing, Live Seminar](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adult-with-adhd-stop-oversharing/)** **[Adults with ADHD Social Skills Training: How to Get Along with](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/)**[ Everyone](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/adults-with-adhd-social-skills/) [**How to Read the Room as an Adult**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH0dOHU0f-g&list=PLRpSEvwIBo0fTqnVaUi8avbZ5-CbfP7kC&index=4&t=2904s) – Managing perceptions and engaging successfully [**How To Improve Social Skills In The Workplace**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/workplace/) **[Wanna Make More Friends? Learn How to Make Small Talk](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-make-small-talk/)** [**Coaching Conversations Video Course**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/coaching-conversations-video-course/) – How to use the lessons in Why Will No One Play with Me? in everyday life using real people and real scenarios [**From “Hi” to a Full Conversation**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/moving-from-hi-to-full-conversation-ebook/) – How to adapt conversation starters to initiate small talk. [**Joining a group Infographic**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/joining-a-group-infographic/) – Make joining a group less intimidating – and more fun! **[Building a Conversation Infographic](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/building-a-conversation-infographic/)** – Learn how to engage in reciprocal give-and-take [**Steps for Joining a Group Video**](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/steps-for-joining-a-group-video/) – Step by step details to comfortably and successfully join a group *[**Why Will No One Play with Me?** ](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/books/why-will-no-one-play-with-me/)* **[How to SEL](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/how-to-sel/)** – HOW TO help children build social skills **Product categories:** Adults, Bundles **Product tags:** adults --- ### [How to Improve Social Skills Professionally & With Peers Video](https://carolinemaguireauthor.com/product/improve-social-skills-professionally-with-peers/) **Published:** May 20, 2022 **Author:** Caroline Maguire **Excerpt:** All too often, people with ADHD overshare. Instead of sharing "just enough" they fall into the trap of "TMI" or "too much information." When this happens it's hard to roll back the embarrassment and regret. This video offers you helpful strategies to remember "levels of familiarity" with the people in our lives so we can meter how much is appropriate to share. And then, what to do when you overshare. This video is super helpful when used with my eBook: What to Say Depending on Level of Familiarity **Content:** Improve your social skills by tailoring your message to each person. There are several different relationships in our lives, including people we work with. Some people we may not even know their first names, yet we overshare things with them. There are acquaintances, co-workers, team mates, neighbors, friends, and finally – besties! What you share is dependent on your depth of familiarity. Trust is built over time, as are our social skills. 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